1. Look at her.Copy !req
2. The Rubbermason 170L.Copy !req
3. Sure-grip handles, multi-terrain tires,Copy !req
4. 50-gallon capacity.Copy !req
5. - Yeah.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
6. - Sold.
- All-terrain, man.Copy !req
7. Gentlemen, this trash can
is indestructible.Copy !req
8. You can tip it,
you can run it over with your truck,Copy !req
9. you can drop it from the moon,Copy !req
10. and provided it made it
through the atmosphere,Copy !req
11. it would hit the ground,
ready to accept your refuse.Copy !req
12. Ooh, how, how many beer cans
do you think she can hold?Copy !req
13. A thousand?Copy !req
14. She can hold a thousand beer cansCopy !req
15. when she's half full
with a thousand beer cans.Copy !req
16. Hey, I see you get new deep fryer.Copy !req
17. Well, actually, Kahn,
it's an injection molded...Copy !req
18. Joking.Copy !req
19. You hillbillies chew on thatCopy !req
20. while I'm jetting off to HawaiiCopy !req
21. for biggest computer convention there is.Copy !req
22. Systems Expo Maui.Copy !req
23. In Hawaii.Copy !req
24. You goin' to dang ol' Hawaii, man.Copy !req
25. Dang ol' grass skirts, man. Ol' dang...Copy !req
26. - Yeah, man.
- That's not even the best part.Copy !req
27. My boss wants me to give big-time speech.Copy !req
28. I get five whole minutes.Copy !req
29. Peons only get three.Copy !req
30. You ever make five-minute speech, Hank?Copy !req
31. No!Copy !req
32. Only three.Copy !req
33. Babysitter violate parole?Copy !req
34. Yeah, I'd say that's an issue.Copy !req
35. Kahn, we have no nanny for Connie.Copy !req
36. Oh!Copy !req
37. Cruel, cruel fate!Copy !req
38. This Maui speech
could be my stepping-stoneCopy !req
39. from Systems Analyst
to Senior Systems Analyst.Copy !req
40. Connie's old enough
to stay by herself, right?Copy !req
41. No, Kahn.Copy !req
42. Maybe Connie can stay
with one of the neighbors.Copy !req
43. Oh, but which evil is lesser?Copy !req
44. The smoke detectors work, Kahn.Copy !req
45. The toilet seats are clamped down,Copy !req
46. and I put new, non-slip daisies
in each tub.Copy !req
47. So, aloha.Copy !req
48. Here's Connie babysitting book.Copy !req
49. Version 4.0, with seafood allergy upgrade.Copy !req
50. Everything
you need to know is in here.Copy !req
51. It teach you how to be a parent this week.Copy !req
52. What time Connie should eat,
acceptable reading material...Copy !req
53. Newsweek?Copy !req
54. Not in this house.Copy !req
55. Oh, how very nice.Copy !req
56. You included recipes.Copy !req
57. Oh, look, and pictures.Copy !req
58. Well, that's good, because I have no ideaCopy !req
59. what scrambled eggs look like.Copy !req
60. - Oh, that's the limo to airport.Copy !req
61. This is antibacterial hand gel.Copy !req
62. Leave a thin, protective film on you
at all time.Copy !req
63. I see you next week.Copy !req
64. I can't believe your girlfriendCopy !req
65. is going to be living with you.Copy !req
66. My parents won't even
let me go in a chat room.Copy !req
67. I know!Copy !req
68. And my dad said
we could camp out in the living room.Copy !req
69. In our sleeping bags.Copy !req
70. In... our... sleeping... bags!Copy !req
71. You're going to be seeing each otherCopy !req
72. in nothing but your pajamas.Copy !req
73. I never thought about it like that.Copy !req
74. Choo-choo trains?Copy !req
75. Oh, man!Copy !req
76. Ah, the turtles.Copy !req
77. These may work.Copy !req
78. Man, what you doing, man,
coming over like this, man?Copy !req
79. I need some advice.Copy !req
80. I don't know what to sleep in.Copy !req
81. You know, if there's a girl in the house.Copy !req
82. Yeah, man, I tell you what, man.Copy !req
83. Dang ol' girl in the house right now, man.Copy !req
84. Uh-huh. And what should I wear?Copy !req
85. Well, you know, that dang ol'...Copy !req
86. Can't go wrong with them silk, man.Copy !req
87. I don't take that kind of flannel, man.
Dang ol' itch your bottom, man.Copy !req
88. She wears top
and dang ol' he wears bottom.Copy !req
89. You know what I'm saying, man?Copy !req
90. Yeah, I was thinking the ninja turtlesCopy !req
91. with underwear.Copy !req
92. I tell you what, man, let me know, man,Copy !req
93. how that dang ol' works out, man.Copy !req
94. Dang ol' first call, man.Copy !req
95. I always put my napkin on my lap.Copy !req
96. I sit down, boom, on my lap.Copy !req
97. This is a great dinner, Mrs. Hill.Copy !req
98. Well, we have your mother
to thank for that.Copy !req
99. She recommended that
I stir the macaroni with a spoon.Copy !req
100. No more burned hands, Hank.Copy !req
101. And the steak tastes so...Copy !req
102. clean.Copy !req
103. Well, that's the propane, Connie.Copy !req
104. You see, it's a much smoother grill
than charcoal.Copy !req
105. And at a fraction of the cost.Copy !req
106. You know what I've always wondered?Copy !req
107. Propane is called liquid petroleum.Copy !req
108. But isn't it a gas, Mr. Hill?Copy !req
109. Please, Connie, call me Hank.Copy !req
110. and my dad just crawled
out the window and never paid.Copy !req
111. So, this is gossip.Copy !req
112. Well, it's pretty good.Copy !req
113. If you're done, Mrs. Hill,Copy !req
114. I'll take your plate in with mine.Copy !req
115. And she has manners, too.Copy !req
116. May I take those plates
out of your way, sir?Copy !req
117. And can I tempt you
with some Toaster Strudels?Copy !req
118. Or are we watching our figures?Copy !req
119. Just take the plates, Bobby.Copy !req
120. - Very good, sir.Copy !req
121. This is nice.Copy !req
122. Just the two of us,Copy !req
123. the squeak of the gloves,Copy !req
124. the lemony smell.Copy !req
125. Oh, there's still
a big hunk of fat on this one.Copy !req
126. Thanks. I'm glad you're here.Copy !req
127. We make a good team.Copy !req
128. Well, let me hook you up
with some more suds.Copy !req
129. All right, kids, lights out.Copy !req
130. Good night, Mr. And Mrs. Hill.Copy !req
131. It's pretty dark.Copy !req
132. Are you scared?Copy !req
133. It's not that dark in here.Copy !req
134. Oh, but, sure, I could be a little scared.Copy !req
135. I could get my night light.Copy !req
136. No. That's okay, Bobby.Copy !req
137. Good night.Copy !req
138. I guess I'm tired, too.Copy !req
139. So, are your lips numb?Copy !req
140. A gentleman does not kiss and tell.Copy !req
141. - You chickened out.
- Yes, sir, I did.Copy !req
142. Now she's going to think
you don't like her.Copy !req
143. I know.Copy !req
144. Don't worry.Copy !req
145. I'm busting a move tonight.Copy !req
146. Boy, I'm so tired.Copy !req
147. I'd better hurry up and get to bedCopy !req
148. before I fall asleep
right here at the table.Copy !req
149. Ugh. How many cows
do you people eat in a year?Copy !req
150. Wait. We figured this out once.Copy !req
151. Can I please be excused?Copy !req
152. Uh, well, sure.Copy !req
153. Me, too, please.Copy !req
154. You rushed off before dessert,Copy !req
155. and I took the libertyCopy !req
156. of snagging us each a piece of Bundt cake.Copy !req
157. I just brushed my teeth.Copy !req
158. So did I.Copy !req
159. If you just brushed your teeth,
then why are you going to eat Bundt cake?Copy !req
160. You're just going
to have to brush your teeth again.Copy !req
161. Why don't you ever think?Copy !req
162. Connie, do you like
your syrup warm or cold?Copy !req
163. Personally, I could go either way.Copy !req
164. Can you bother someone else
for five minutesCopy !req
165. so I can go to the bathroom?Copy !req
166. Yes.Copy !req
167. Connie, honey, it's past 8:00 already.Copy !req
168. Um...Copy !req
169. I do not know what she's doing
in there for so long.Copy !req
170. I think she's taking a Bobby break.Copy !req
171. Hank, you're going to have
to take Connie to school, honey.Copy !req
172. Bobby and I are late already,Copy !req
173. and there are no substitute teachers
for substitute teachers who are late.Copy !req
174. Is Mrs. Hill home?Copy !req
175. No. She left for school already.Copy !req
176. I... I'm just...Copy !req
177. I'm sorry?Copy !req
178. Um, it's just my... And I...Copy !req
179. Huh?Copy !req
180. "Mr. Hill, I just got my first period."Copy !req
181. Oh, God.Copy !req
182. I don't want you to worry
about a thing, Connie.Copy !req
183. I passed the OSHA emergency
management course all nine yearsCopy !req
184. I was required to take it.Copy !req
185. Are you sure about this?Copy !req
186. Pretty sure.Copy !req
187. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
188. "Vaccination record.Copy !req
189. Complete list of prime numbers."Copy !req
190. Don't worry, Connie.Copy !req
191. We're going to get through this somehow.Copy !req
192. Okay, do you have any idea
how to tie a tourniquet?Copy !req
193. No.Copy !req
194. Oh, man!Copy !req
195. This is the best speech ever written.Copy !req
196. JFK got nothing on me.Copy !req
197. Profiles in jealousy.Copy !req
198. You need to relax, Kahn.Copy !req
199. Come. We throw Frisbee.Copy !req
200. Where it land,
that's where we make crazy love.Copy !req
201. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
202. I am bad boy of systems analysis.Copy !req
203. Tom Landry Middle School.Copy !req
204. I need to speak with Mrs. Peggy Hill.Copy !req
205. I'm sorry. District policy prohibits
disturbing a teacher in the classroom.Copy !req
206. Peggy is my wife,
and I want her disturbed right now!Copy !req
207. I'll connect you to her voice mail.Copy !req
208. No, but I...Copy !req
209. The person you have reached...Copy !req
210. Hello. This is Peggy Hill.Copy !req
211. I am so sorry I cannot take your call.Copy !req
212. Please leave a message.Copy !req
213. is not available.Copy !req
214. To leave a message...Copy !req
215. Hello?Copy !req
216. Hmm...Copy !req
217. Um...Copy !req
218. Hello?Copy !req
219. Is she going to be okay?Copy !req
220. She's going to be fine.Copy !req
221. I've taken care of things for now,Copy !req
222. but here is a list of products for ConnieCopy !req
223. which you can pick up at any pharmacy.Copy !req
224. Oh. Couldn't you just give her this stuff?Copy !req
225. You are a hospital.Copy !req
226. No. You have to go and buy them.Copy !req
227. I mean, let's say I got stitches.Copy !req
228. You might send me home
with a box of Band-AidsCopy !req
229. if I asked for them, right?Copy !req
230. Band-Aids aren't going to work
in this situation.Copy !req
231. Please, don't try Band-Aids.Copy !req
232. Clean-up, aisle 2B.Copy !req
233. "Aisle 8A."Copy !req
234. Boy, we sure are a long way
from automotive.Copy !req
235. You have your list?Copy !req
236. Yes. Just because I started my periodCopy !req
237. doesn't mean I can't hold on
to a piece of paper.Copy !req
238. Okay, then, I'll just, uh,
wait right here for you.Copy !req
239. Come on, Connie, pick something.Copy !req
240. Anything. Don't make me come down there.Copy !req
241. Oh...Copy !req
242. No. Hold on, Connie.Copy !req
243. This really sucks, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
244. My mom taught me nothing!Copy !req
245. 6.95 for one stupid box?Copy !req
246. Oh, I only have five dollars.Copy !req
247. Can I borrow two stupid dollars?Copy !req
248. It, it's okay, Connie. It's on me.Copy !req
249. We'll get you all set up here.Copy !req
250. Oh, Chuck.Copy !req
251. You know, Mr. Hill,Copy !req
252. maybe this isn't such
a big deal after all.Copy !req
253. Nope. Not such a big deal.Copy !req
254. In fact, this is such a little dealCopy !req
255. that we won't have
to talk about it anymore.Copy !req
256. Now, how do I change one of these things?Copy !req
257. What the...Copy !req
258. - Incoming!Copy !req
259. I can't look.Copy !req
260. She never even got to see
her first trash day.Copy !req
261. - Oh!
- Ha-ha! Big bad can!Copy !req
262. Where's Bobby?Copy !req
263. It's Connie.Copy !req
264. Hank, what is it?Copy !req
265. You know,Copy !req
266. the special time in girls' livesCopy !req
267. and freshness and all that?Copy !req
268. Oh, my lord.Copy !req
269. Oh, poor Connie.Copy !req
270. Poor Connie?Copy !req
271. Poor me.
I had to learn about mega absorbency.Copy !req
272. You went down aisle 8A?Copy !req
273. We have been married for 20 years,Copy !req
274. and I can't get you past aisle five.Copy !req
275. I wasn't joyriding, Peggy.
It was a medical emergency.Copy !req
276. Well, why didn't you call me sooner?Copy !req
277. I tried calling you.
I tried calling Minh and Kahn.Copy !req
278. I even hung up on my own mother.Copy !req
279. And she's such a nice woman.Copy !req
280. Well, Hank, you did your best,Copy !req
281. but I'm in charge now.Copy !req
282. You keep trying Minh and Kahn,Copy !req
283. I'll talk to Connie,
and then I'll talk to Bobby.Copy !req
284. I don't think
Bobby should know about this.Copy !req
285. It's bad enough that I know about this.Copy !req
286. - Do you want to be in charge, Hank?
- No.Copy !req
287. Uh-oh.Copy !req
288. Last time you were waiting for me,Copy !req
289. I learned about goldfish heaven.Copy !req
290. Come on, Bobby. Let's go to Whataburger.Copy !req
291. All right!Copy !req
292. Oh, God. Where's Ladybird?Copy !req
293. I now pass the torch to my good friend,Copy !req
294. Kahn Souphanousinphone.Copy !req
295. - Hello?Copy !req
296. Oh, Hank Hill! What you want?Copy !req
297. Kahn is at the podium!Copy !req
298. Gentlemen and ladies of systems analysis,Copy !req
299. what really bring us together here?Copy !req
300. Systems or the sunshine?Copy !req
301. I think we do best to remember
the words of Maya Angelou...Copy !req
302. Bobby, you are at an age now when...Copy !req
303. Well, things are starting to change.Copy !req
304. And, while some things
are better learned through guessingCopy !req
305. or certain educational films,Copy !req
306. some things are better learned
from your parents.Copy !req
307. Mom, why don't you gather your thoughtsCopy !req
308. while I get another order of onion rings?Copy !req
309. Connie started her period.Copy !req
310. What's that, now?Copy !req
311. She has taken her first steps
to becoming a woman.Copy !req
312. She can't be a woman.Copy !req
313. I'm still a kid.Copy !req
314. Look at me. I even got the kid's meal.Copy !req
315. I love this toy!Copy !req
316. Oh, Bobby.Copy !req
317. Honey, you will catch up eventually.Copy !req
318. This year, next year,
it does not matter whenCopy !req
319. because you will always beCopy !req
320. Mommy's little man.Copy !req
321. So, Connie...Copy !req
322. you want to go jump off the bike ramp?Copy !req
323. No.Copy !req
324. Play soccer?Copy !req
325. No.Copy !req
326. Go swimming at the rec center?Copy !req
327. You know what I want to do, Bobby?Copy !req
328. Sit here!Copy !req
329. Fine! You sit on that couch!Copy !req
330. I'm young!Copy !req
331. I'm young and alive,
and I'm going outside to enjoy life!Copy !req
332. Word is, Connie's Aunt Flo is in town.Copy !req
333. Yeah, probably because
she started her period.Copy !req
334. She's got the curse,
and I think I caused it.Copy !req
335. All my hormones
being too close to her hormones.Copy !req
336. It's all over, Bobby.Copy !req
337. I heard that when girls get the curse,Copy !req
338. they only go out
with hairy high school guys with cars.Copy !req
339. I've got peach fuzz and a bike.Copy !req
340. Where is my daughter?Copy !req
341. I want to wake her up
from this chicken-fried nightmare.Copy !req
342. Mom! Dad!Copy !req
343. It is very nice to see you again, Kahn Jr.Copy !req
344. Go with your mother. Yes.Copy !req
345. You know, you could thank me
for taking care of this, Kahn.Copy !req
346. It wasn't exactly easy.Copy !req
347. Thank you? You lucky I don't sue you.Copy !req
348. Luck has nothing to do with it.Copy !req
349. You've got no case.Copy !req
350. There's still time. Hurry.Copy !req
351. She's got room for three more.Copy !req
352. Hey, man. Hey,
what you doing with that ol' trash, man?Copy !req
353. No taking...
I'm 'bout gonna call 911, man.Copy !req
354. Everything I love is taken from me!Copy !req
355. What are you talking about?Copy !req
356. She was my can.Copy !req
357. The mother sings a gentle songCopy !req
358. welcoming her calf to a watery new world.Copy !req
359. Oh, Minh! She doing it again.Copy !req
360. Help me! Make her stop.Copy !req
361. I'm on it.Copy !req
362. Mom, I was really mean to BobbyCopy !req
363. and I don't know why.Copy !req
364. He annoying little boy.Copy !req
365. Mom!Copy !req
366. Kahn Jr., you have a PMS.Copy !req
367. It's hard, but very easy to understand.Copy !req
368. You just yell and yell,
or you just cry and cry.Copy !req
369. But it feels like I'm doing
both of those at the same time.Copy !req
370. Connie, you feel things more now.Copy !req
371. Make sad movies truly excellent.Copy !req
372. You watch Titanic on the right day,
it blow you away.Copy !req
373. And you get intuition.Copy !req
374. And I get to have babies.Copy !req
375. Whoa! Slow down, Kahn Jr.Copy !req
376. I tell you now what my mother told me.Copy !req
377. Bobby Hill...Copy !req
378. Mom, you don't know Bobby.Copy !req
379. He's not like all the other boys.Copy !req
380. All men are the same.Copy !req
381. But now you are different,Copy !req
382. and you must act different, like an adult.Copy !req
383. Except at movie theater,Copy !req
384. where you child
and your father and I students.Copy !req
385. Uh...Copy !req
386. So, uh...Copy !req
387. Dr. Hertig says
your teeth are looking good.Copy !req
388. Attaboy.Copy !req
389. Dad, I think
Connie is gonna break up with meCopy !req
390. because she hates me.Copy !req
391. She doesn't hate you.Copy !req
392. Yes, she does.Copy !req
393. She's no longer the girl
who fell in love with me.Copy !req
394. Now she's just the woman who yells at me.Copy !req
395. Bobby, every woman has a period...Copy !req
396. Uh, of time, every month...Copy !req
397. Even Mom?Copy !req
398. Bobby, if we're going to get through this,Copy !req
399. you cannot ask me questions like that.Copy !req
400. My bad.Copy !req
401. Now, every month a woman has this timeCopy !req
402. when she gets very angry at everything.Copy !req
403. And usually men are the everything.Copy !req
404. It's like a tire fire.Copy !req
405. Trying to put it out only makes it worse.Copy !req
406. You just got to let it burn.Copy !req
407. Grab a beer and let it burn.Copy !req
408. Hank Hill, you ruin my life.Copy !req
409. What can I do for you?Copy !req
410. Uh, Connie left some things at my house.Copy !req
411. I thought she might want them back.Copy !req
412. Hey, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
413. Thanks for letting me stay with you.Copy !req
414. Sorry it was so boring.Copy !req
415. Yep.Copy !req
416. What the hell was that?Copy !req
417. Why didn't she cry at you?Copy !req
418. All she ever does is cry at me.Copy !req
419. It's not fair.Copy !req
420. I make more money than you.Copy !req
421. I think it's been
a long day for all of us.Copy !req
422. Tomorrow'll be easier.Copy !req
423. For me, anyway.Copy !req
424. Sure, everything easy for you.Copy !req
425. You world's best father.Copy !req
426. I seen the mug!Copy !req
427. Me? I'm nothing.Copy !req
428. I want mug, too, Hank Hill.Copy !req
429. Well, I just so happen to have a book here
that might help you out with that.Copy !req
430. Oh, and, uh,Copy !req
431. I added an extra chapter at the beginning.Copy !req
432. Aisle 8A?Copy !req
433. What is aisle 8A?Copy !req
434. You know, it's the one
next to the deodorantsCopy !req
435. and the, uh, ointments.Copy !req
436. - Yeah, I know.Copy !req
437. Is this a bad time?Copy !req
438. My mom says we shouldn't
be alone together anymoreCopy !req
439. and that you only want one thing.Copy !req
440. Did she say what that was?
Because I am so confused.Copy !req
441. Me, too. This sucks.Copy !req
442. So now you're a woman.Copy !req
443. Technically, I think I'm only a woman
four days a month.Copy !req
444. Only four days?
Well, that's for most people.Copy !req
445. But you're super-organized.Copy !req
446. I bet you can get through it in two days.Copy !req
447. I don't think that's how it works.Copy !req
448. You know, if I was becoming a man,Copy !req
449. I wouldn't dump you.Copy !req
450. I don't want to dump you, Bobby.Copy !req
451. I still want to be your girlfriend.Copy !req
452. But for those four days when I'm a woman,Copy !req
453. I don't want to be anywhere near you.Copy !req
454. Deal.Copy !req
455. I'll see you in two days!Copy !req
456. - Do you want to be in charge, Hank?
- No.Copy !req