King of the Hill 4x23

Directed by Cyndi Tang-Loveland • Cyndi Tang

Sydney Pollack as Grant Trimble (voice) • Joanna Gleason as Maddy Platter (voice) • David Herman as (voice)

Peggy's embarrassment about her big feet ends when she meets a fetishist who directs her in a video Hank thinks is dirty, but Peggy approves of--wholefootedly.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Okey-dokey. Now...

2. we'll be with Dale and Nancy at Chef Ling's.

3. I don't know the number

4. but if there's any problem

5. just penetrate the Gribbles' perimeter.

6. The alarm company will page them.

7. I don't need a babysitter.

8. Bobby, Luanne is not here to babysit.

9. She is here because she misses you

10. and she wants to spend time with you.

11. - No-no-no, I... - Uh!

12. You'll get the other half when we get back.

13. My turn.

14. Ah, change of plans.

15. The reservations fell through.

16. We're going to eat in the alley tonight...

17. the bowling alley.

18. What?

19. Oh, no, I don't think...

20. I'm not much of a bowler.

21. This shirt would beg to differ.

22. Look at yours, Hank.

23. "Flamer" for the propane man.

24. I guess I could have gone with "Propane Man."

25. No. No, "Flamer" is cooler.

26. Look at yours, sug.

27. It says "Spare Peg."

28. I started with "Square Peg"

29. and then I gave it a twist.

30. And then Nancy said "spare" was a bowling term

31. so it works on both levels.

32. All right. This was very thoughtful

33. but, really, I'm not much of a bowler.

34. Maybe we could...

35. uh, wear them to the movies...

36. Come on, Peggy,

37. the Gribbles are going to think you don't like them.

38. He's right, Peggy.

39. What do you have against my wife?

40. Men's 12.

41. Gents' 12.

42. Men's nine, Forty-two European.

43. Ladies' five, sug.

44. Gents' nine, gals' size five.

45. - Uh, ma'am? - Hmm?

46. The man needs to know your shoe size.

47. I'm sure he does, and I will tell it to him.

48. Why don't you go pick your shoes up

49. and I will be with you shortly.

50. Shoe size, ma'am.

51. Look, I am willing to pay your shoe rental fee

52. but I would like to bowl in my own shoes, please.

53. I'm sorry, but those aren't bowling shoes.

54. I can't let you on the lanes.

55. Come on, Peggy. We're putting our nicknames up on the screen.

56. It's a lot of fun.

57. I am a size 16.

58. Oh, I'm sorry.

59. I thought you said size 16.

60. I did.

61. Oh, my God.

62. No one's ever asked for those before.

63. Just give me a few minutes.

64. All right, Hank!

65. I'm just going to go check on Bobby!

66. But, Mommy, I want my Mary Janes!

67. Oh, Peggy, it's not my fault your feet are growing and you're not.

68. I found something that can fit her.

69. Nurses' shoes?

70. Hey, watch your feet.

71. I'm looking for something in a woman's size 16 bowling shoe

72. that says "eight" on the back.

73. No, I think you're looking for a size 16 and a half

74. that says "eight" on the back.

75. Sixteen and a half? No. No, no.

76. I have been a size 16 since I was just a little girl.

77. Oh, it's actually quite common

78. for a woman's feet to keep growing as she gets older.

79. They're getting bigger?

80. Oh, God.

81. Yeah, at this rate I'd say you've got a shot at the big two-oh.

82. - Hello? Hello?

83. It's okay, it really is.

84. Oh, please.

85. Spare me your psychobabble.

86. I know exactly how you feel.

87. Honey, there's a man you should talk to.

88. He can make you feel good about your feet.

89. I don't hide mine anymore.

90. Huh? "Grant Trimble"?

91. Again.

92. One more time.

93. Have you ever had back problems?

94. No.

95. Of course not.

96. I'll bet you're a gifted athlete.

97. Well, I am one of the best softball pitchers in the tri-towns.

98. That's because you have really, really amazing feet.

99. They're long enough to give you a perfect stride

100. and wide enough to root you firmly on the ground.

101. I don't have to ask if you're a professional success.

102. I have three-peated

103. the "Substitute Teacher of the Year" award

104. at Tom Landry Middle School.

105. I would have been surprised if you'd said otherwise.

106. Wait, are you saying that I owe my success

107. to the fact that my feet are so big?

108. Some might see them as big.

109. I see them as vibrant and alive.

110. They're also very hot.

111. Well...

112. No one has ever told me that before... about my feet.

113. I have heard that before about my eyes and my teeth.

114. Peggy, how would you like to help others in your situation?

115. We're making a small inspirational film.

116. It's for all those people out there who have... foot issues.

117. We need to take them to a place

118. where they can feel better about themselves.

119. Would you...

120. Could you appear in it?

121. Mr. Trimble, I... I've never let my feet be photographed before. I...

122. Please, Peggy.

123. You have an exceptional gift.

124. Wouldn't it be wrong of you not to share it with the world?

125. I can see how it might be. Yes.

126. Oh, yeah.

127. - Wonderful work, Peggy.

128. - Thank you. - Now, go over there and walk in some mud.

129. It's spa grade, I assure you.

130. Guess what I did today.

131. Worked up an appetite for steak, I hope.

132. Yep. I starred in a short film.

133. Hold on. Let me just...

134. Okay. So tell me about it.

135. Well, I was discovered in a parking lot

136. just like Lana Turner

137. and now I'm going to star in an educational video

138. which Lana Turner was never asked to do.

139. Well, that's great. I'll get to see my wife in a movie.

140. Actually, it's not really me in the film.

141. It... it's mainly my feet.

142. Well, everyone has to start somewhere.

143. What's it about?

144. It is an empowerment video for people in the foot community.

145. Oh, the director, who is a genius

146. filmed me getting a foot massage and soaking my feet in butter...

147. Stimulating my soles with a ping-pong paddle.

148. Hank, he may even distribute it on the internet.

149. The internet?

150. Well, tell me, does a big movie star like you

151. still like her steaks medium rare?

152. Hank. I got something you should take a look at.

153. And you might want to bring a valid credit card with you.

154. All right, what's so funny?

155. If it's that tweety bird made of "X's" I've already seen it.

156. Hank... welcome to PeggysFeet.com.

157. Wait a minute.

158. Is that a pornographic website?

159. It's not a pornographic website.

160. It's a fetish website.

161. And those are Peggy's feet.

162. Well, those aren't... Now...

163. You've got feet.

164. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

165. What the heck is that?

166. Ping-pong paddle.

167. Mm, Peggy's been a bad, bad girl.

168. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

169. Oh, my God.

170. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

171. - Oh, yeah. - Dang it, Dale, turn that thing off.

172. - Just testing my new sound card. - Oh, yeah.

173. I'll tell you what, man.

174. It all, all starting to make sense, man.

175. How you're going to go, go to afford them ol', that shop vacuum.

176. For God's sakes, Boomhauer.

177. You've known Peggy longer than I have.

178. She respects herself and hates her feet too much

179. to ever show up on something like this.

180. Here comes the fondue.

181. No, it doesn't.

182. Hey!

183. And so I have finally taken my own advice

184. to combine my love of education

185. with my interest in "edutainment."

186. But, why are they only making videos of your feet?

187. Very good question.

188. You may not have noticed because I wear bold eyeglasses

189. to draw the attention to my head,

190. but your mother has exceptionally long and handsome feet.

191. And, up until now,

192. I had been tricked by the media

193. into thinking that they were unattractive.

194. Who? Who in the media tricked you?

195. Bobby, I don't know their names.

196. It's more of a conspiracy.

197. Well, hey, there's my movie star.

198. Uh... Bobby, can you go watch TV?

199. Can I?

200. So, uh...

201. Peggy, if I wanted to shake the hand of the director of this, uh...

202. Well, where would I go to wait for him?

203. Uh, to shake his hand?

204. Director-writer-cameraman Grant Trimble does it all.

205. He has his own motion picture warehouse

206. out by the truck scales.

207. I'll be right back.

208. Are you the tickler?

209. No.

210. Hello?

211. Hello, anyone there?

212. Hello. Trimble? Trimble.

213. This is a closed set.

214. Trimble, I want you to stay away from my wife.

215. Oh? And who is your wife?

216. Mrs. Peggy Hill.

217. Then you're a very lucky man,

218. but I'm afraid we're going to have to share.

219. You, sir, are nothing but a low-rent smut-hound

220. and you're going to delete my wife's feet from your internet

221. before she finds out what you've done with them.

222. What I've done with them?

223. I've made them stars.

224. You made them wade through pork and beans.

225. This isn't about individual artistic decisions.

226. It's about something bigger than you or me or any of us.

227. It's about a world wired together,

228. a future where, at the click of a mouse,

229. a dream can start in Arlen

230. and end on a computer in Johannesburg.

231. The generations join, united,

232. under the banner of a single ideal...

233. women's big, beautiful feet.

234. It's about an end to strife and misunderstanding...

235. one world, one dream, one peace.

236. You leave me with no choice.

237. I'm going to have to kick your ass.

238. Hold on. Let me turn on the camera.

239. Ah... Uh, sorry.

240. Uh-uh, Hank.

241. No more painting my toenails alone in the dark.

242. I don't care who sees.

243. Uh... Peggy,

244. there's something I want to show you on your computer.

245. This is an internet site called PeggysFeet.com.

246. Well, I think that is wonderful.

247. Now women who are too embarrassed

248. to even go to the doctor can be inspired by my feet

249. in the privacy of their own homes.

250. Peggy, your feet are stepping on raw hamburger.

251. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mr. Trimble says that

252. that is a common European beauty treatment.

253. Here's some honey being poured all over them.

254. It... it tones the pores.

255. - Yeah...

256. and now a bunch of flies get stuck to them.

257. Okay, now, that was a mistake.

258. Uh... here's where you can buy the flies.

259. They're selling the flies?

260. Well, I'm sure the money goes to important foot-related charities.

261. Uh, your socks are for sale, too.

262. Peggy, they're foot fetish videos.

263. Oh, my God.

264. Don't feel too bad.

265. Bill says a lot of college girls

266. get caught up in the dirty internet world.

267. I'll give you some time.

268. Grant?

269. Oh, Peggy, what a terrific surprise.

270. I hope you brought your swim trunks.

271. I am not here to swim, Trimble.

272. I know what you're up to.

273. I have it on good authority... my own...

274. that you have been exploiting my feet for unseemly purposes.

275. You have a computer?

276. Yes. I also have a moral compass that always points to "good."

277. All right, Peggy, I understand you're a little annoyed.

278. We were shooting for the women's empowerment market

279. but as it turns out, women were not as interested as we'd hoped.

280. We did, however, find an audience, and it was men.

281. Oh.

282. I was ready to pull the plug on PeggysFeet.com,

283. - but then I realized something. - Yes?

284. Have you ever seen a pair of big, beautiful feet like yours

285. in Playboy magazine, Peggy?

286. No. Not on the cover

287. and I certainly wouldn't open it because I do not read pornography.

288. Let's use a Gap ad.

289. Have you ever seen them in a Gap ad, ever?

290. - No. - That's right. You haven't.

291. But, what if someone, alone at first,

292. was out there appreciating big, beautiful feet?

293. I mean, loving them the way they deserve.

294. Pretty soon, you'd see them in music videos

295. then Hollywood movies

296. and, before too long, on 60-foot billboards

297. across America pushing Parker Pens!

298. So, really, what you're saying is,

299. I will be helping create a better world for men and women.

300. I'd be like Rosa Parks.

301. This website is your bus, Peggy.

302. Ride it to freedom.

303. But, you said the movies were just for women.

304. Well, honey, ultimately, they are.

305. But first, we must reach the men.

306. All right, how can I put this so you'll understand?

307. Hmm... Bobby, some men like ladies' bottoms

308. and other men like ladies' bosoms,

309. and a small, small number...

310. too few... love ladies' big feet.

311. Now, Mommy is trying to increase that number

312. and, thus, help women everywhere.

313. How does this help the women with the big boobies?

314. They don't need any more help.

315. Hank, I am going to my book club.

316. We are reading "The Hunt for Red October,"

317. which, luckily, I read 12 years ago.

318. That's why you haven't seen me reading it recently, okay?

319. I will be at Becky Banky's house.

320. She does not have a phone or a cell phone or a telegraph.

321. Okay, then.

322. Beautiful. Beautiful.

323. Oh, yeah.

324. Cut.

325. Now, let's rinse you off and move on to some more eggs.

326. More eggs?

327. But, we've done so many eggs.

328. How about if my feet are on a silken cushion?

329. I see you have one.

330. That could be good, but wait...

331. How about if your feet are next to a rotting jack-o'-lantern?

332. You know, sort of a "Beauty and the Beast" thing.

333. Well, I've always thought I should play Beauty.

334. And you will.

335. Inner beauty.

336. "Inner beauty"?

337. Good morning, Grant. I brought coffee.

338. Ooh, it's still hot.

339. That will burn your feet.

340. Are you ready for that?

341. What? No.

342. That's for you... to drink.

343. I did have an idea, though, which is why I brought the flowers.

344. Uh-huh.

345. How about surrounding my beautiful feet

346. with beautiful flowers?

347. I figured, we did "Beauty and the Beast."

348. How about

349. "Beauty Finally Meets Her Match"?

350. Uh, flowers smell good. That's not going to work.

351. What's wrong with smelling good?

352. People like feet that smell good.

353. Tell you what... we'll compromise with a tub of corned beef hash.

354. No, Grant, that's just more food.

355. I brought these flowers from my own yard.

356. - They're so pretty. - Look, I've been around this business

357. for long enough to know what works.

358. No one wants "pretty."

359. They want spinach, eggs and corned beef hash.

360. For some reason, they don't like them together. Go figure.

361. Well, of course they want "pretty."

362. They want my feet.

363. You, you said so yourself.

364. All right.

365. You're a smart woman.

366. All the girls figure it out eventually and that's when I start paying.

367. Wha... huh?

368. It's 200 bucks for a five-minute smoosh video.

369. We shoot ten a day. I'm going to need your Social.

370. Bet you never thought those big, ugly feet of yours

371. could buy you a fur coat.

372. You think my feet are ugly?

373. Let's be honest, Peggy.

374. You know your feet are ugly.

375. That's what a certain type of very self-hating individual

376. will pay top dollar to see.

377. Now, let's fire up those stompers and make some dirty.

378. What?

379. Peggy's home.

380. Ah. Hey, Peggy, can I, uh, fix you a sandwich?

381. Oh, Hank, I went back to Grant Trimble.

382. - What? - I feel so stupid.

383. It turns out the only ones

384. who want to look at my ugly feet are perverts...

385. And the perverts only like my feet because they're so big and...

386. ugly.

387. That's what I've been trying to tell you. They're fetishists.

388. That means they obsess on one weird little thing.

389. Look, I'll never love your feet as much as they do

390. but, the way I look at it,

391. well, you're like a fully loaded truck.

392. The big tires are part of the package.

393. You pay extra to get those really big tires.

394. Now, why are you crying?

395. You know how much I want a new truck.

396. I don't see any problems with your feet, Mrs. Hill.

397. They're perfectly healthy.

398. Very good.

399. Now, what I would like

400. is for you to smash them with a hammer

401. and then reset them until they're a size five.

402. I'm sorry, but that's... we don't do that.

403. Uh, Mom, aren't you shooting some foot movies tonight?

404. No, Bobby. Never again.

405. Artistic differences?

406. No.

407. Well... No.

408. All that stuff I told you about empowerment, it was all lies.

409. The whole time I was making smoosh videos

410. and they only wanted me for my ugly feet.

411. That was mean of them.

412. You don't understand, Bobby.

413. I actually let myself believe that these were beautiful.

414. Can you imagine Peggy Hill that stupid?

415. I can imagine, Mom.

416. I'm fat.

417. Oh, no. No, honey, you're husky.

418. It says so on your jeans.

419. Mom, I'm fat, but, big deal.

420. I don't feel bad about it.

421. You never made me feel bad about it

422. and just because there are some people in the world

423. who want me to feel bad about it doesn't mean I have to.

424. So, Bobby Hill's fat.

425. Hee! He's also funny, he's nice

426. he's got a lot of friends, a girlfriend

427. and, if you don't mind, I think I'll go outside right now

428. and squirt her with water.

429. What are you going to do?

430. Men's 12.

431. Men's nine.

432. Ladies' five, sug.

433. Gents' 12 and nine, gals' size five.

434. My name is Peggy Hill

435. and I will take a size 16 and a half.

436. We don't need to know your name. We just need your shoes.

437. Fine. 16 and a half.

438. You know, I think I saw her on a website.

439. Who? Who in the media tricked you?