1. Okey-dokey. Now...Copy !req
2. we'll be with Dale and Nancy
at Chef Ling's.Copy !req
3. I don't know the numberCopy !req
4. but if there's any problemCopy !req
5. just penetrate the Gribbles' perimeter.Copy !req
6. The alarm company will page them.Copy !req
7. I don't need a babysitter.Copy !req
8. Bobby, Luanne is not here to babysit.Copy !req
9. She is here because she misses youCopy !req
10. and she wants to spend time with you.Copy !req
11. - No-no-no, I...
- Uh!Copy !req
12. You'll get the other half
when we get back.Copy !req
13. My turn.Copy !req
14. Ah, change of plans.Copy !req
15. The reservations fell through.Copy !req
16. We're going to eat in the alley tonight...Copy !req
17. the bowling alley.Copy !req
18. What?Copy !req
19. Oh, no, I don't think...Copy !req
20. I'm not much of a bowler.Copy !req
21. This shirt would beg to differ.Copy !req
22. Look at yours, Hank.Copy !req
23. "Flamer" for the propane man.Copy !req
24. I guess I could have gone
with "Propane Man."Copy !req
25. No. No, "Flamer" is cooler.Copy !req
26. Look at yours, sug.Copy !req
27. It says "Spare Peg."Copy !req
28. I started with "Square Peg"Copy !req
29. and then I gave it a twist.Copy !req
30. And then Nancy said
"spare" was a bowling termCopy !req
31. so it works on both levels.Copy !req
32. All right. This was very thoughtfulCopy !req
33. but, really, I'm not much of a bowler.Copy !req
34. Maybe we could...Copy !req
35. uh, wear them to the movies...Copy !req
36. Come on, Peggy,Copy !req
37. the Gribbles are going to think
you don't like them.Copy !req
38. He's right, Peggy.Copy !req
39. What do you have against my wife?Copy !req
40. Men's 12.Copy !req
41. Gents' 12.Copy !req
42. Men's nine, Forty-two European.Copy !req
43. Ladies' five, sug.Copy !req
44. Gents' nine, gals' size five.Copy !req
45. - Uh, ma'am?
- Hmm?Copy !req
46. The man needs to know your shoe size.Copy !req
47. I'm sure he does,
and I will tell it to him.Copy !req
48. Why don't you go pick your shoes upCopy !req
49. and I will be with you shortly.Copy !req
50. Shoe size, ma'am.Copy !req
51. Look, I am willing to pay
your shoe rental feeCopy !req
52. but I would like to bowl
in my own shoes, please.Copy !req
53. I'm sorry, but those aren't bowling shoes.Copy !req
54. I can't let you on the lanes.Copy !req
55. Come on, Peggy. We're putting
our nicknames up on the screen.Copy !req
56. It's a lot of fun.Copy !req
57. I am a size 16.Copy !req
58. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
59. I thought you said size 16.Copy !req
60. I did.Copy !req
61. Oh, my God.Copy !req
62. No one's ever asked for those before.Copy !req
63. Just give me a few minutes.Copy !req
64. All right, Hank!Copy !req
65. I'm just going to go check on Bobby!Copy !req
66. But, Mommy, I want my Mary Janes!Copy !req
67. Oh, Peggy, it's not my fault
your feet are growing and you're not.Copy !req
68. I found something that can fit her.Copy !req
69. Nurses' shoes?Copy !req
70. Hey, watch your feet.Copy !req
71. I'm looking for something
in a woman's size 16 bowling shoeCopy !req
72. that says "eight" on the back.Copy !req
73. No, I think you're looking
for a size 16 and a halfCopy !req
74. that says "eight" on the back.Copy !req
75. Sixteen and a half? No. No, no.Copy !req
76. I have been a size 16
since I was just a little girl.Copy !req
77. Oh, it's actually quite commonCopy !req
78. for a woman's feet to keep growing
as she gets older.Copy !req
79. They're getting bigger?Copy !req
80. Oh, God.Copy !req
81. Yeah, at this rate I'd say
you've got a shot at the big two-oh.Copy !req
82. - Hello? Hello?Copy !req
83. It's okay, it really is.Copy !req
84. Oh, please.Copy !req
85. Spare me your psychobabble.Copy !req
86. I know exactly how you feel.Copy !req
87. Honey, there's a man you should talk to.Copy !req
88. He can make you feel good about your feet.Copy !req
89. I don't hide mine anymore.Copy !req
90. Huh? "Grant Trimble"?Copy !req
91. Again.Copy !req
92. One more time.Copy !req
93. Have you ever had back problems?Copy !req
94. No.Copy !req
95. Of course not.Copy !req
96. I'll bet you're a gifted athlete.Copy !req
97. Well, I am one of the best
softball pitchers in the tri-towns.Copy !req
98. That's because you have really,
really amazing feet.Copy !req
99. They're long enough
to give you a perfect strideCopy !req
100. and wide enough to root you firmly
on the ground.Copy !req
101. I don't have to ask if you're
a professional success.Copy !req
102. I have three-peatedCopy !req
103. the "Substitute Teacher of the Year" awardCopy !req
104. at Tom Landry Middle School.Copy !req
105. I would have been surprised
if you'd said otherwise.Copy !req
106. Wait, are you saying that I owe my successCopy !req
107. to the fact that my feet are so big?Copy !req
108. Some might see them as big.Copy !req
109. I see them as vibrant and alive.Copy !req
110. They're also very hot.Copy !req
111. Well...Copy !req
112. No one has ever told me that before...
about my feet.Copy !req
113. I have heard that before
about my eyes and my teeth.Copy !req
114. Peggy, how would you like to help others
in your situation?Copy !req
115. We're making a small inspirational film.Copy !req
116. It's for all those people out there
who have... foot issues.Copy !req
117. We need to take them to a placeCopy !req
118. where they can feel better
about themselves.Copy !req
119. Would you...Copy !req
120. Could you appear in it?Copy !req
121. Mr. Trimble, I... I've never let my feet
be photographed before. I...Copy !req
122. Please, Peggy.Copy !req
123. You have an exceptional gift.Copy !req
124. Wouldn't it be wrong of you
not to share it with the world?Copy !req
125. I can see how it might be. Yes.Copy !req
126. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
127. - Wonderful work, Peggy.Copy !req
128. - Thank you.
- Now, go over there and walk in some mud.Copy !req
129. It's spa grade, I assure you.Copy !req
130. Guess what I did today.Copy !req
131. Worked up an appetite for steak, I hope.Copy !req
132. Yep. I starred in a short film.Copy !req
133. Hold on. Let me just...Copy !req
134. Okay. So tell me about it.Copy !req
135. Well, I was discovered in a parking lotCopy !req
136. just like Lana TurnerCopy !req
137. and now I'm going to star
in an educational videoCopy !req
138. which Lana Turner was never asked to do.Copy !req
139. Well, that's great.
I'll get to see my wife in a movie.Copy !req
140. Actually, it's not really me in the film.Copy !req
141. It... it's mainly my feet.Copy !req
142. Well, everyone has to start somewhere.Copy !req
143. What's it about?Copy !req
144. It is an empowerment video
for people in the foot community.Copy !req
145. Oh, the director, who is a geniusCopy !req
146. filmed me getting a foot massage
and soaking my feet in butter...Copy !req
147. Stimulating my soles
with a ping-pong paddle.Copy !req
148. Hank, he may even distribute it
on the internet.Copy !req
149. The internet?Copy !req
150. Well, tell me,
does a big movie star like youCopy !req
151. still like her steaks medium rare?Copy !req
152. Hank. I got something
you should take a look at.Copy !req
153. And you might want to bring
a valid credit card with you.Copy !req
154. All right, what's so funny?Copy !req
155. If it's that tweety bird made of "X's"
I've already seen it.Copy !req
156. Hank... welcome to PeggysFeet.com.Copy !req
157. Wait a minute.Copy !req
158. Is that a pornographic website?Copy !req
159. It's not a pornographic website.Copy !req
160. It's a fetish website.Copy !req
161. And those are Peggy's feet.Copy !req
162. Well, those aren't... Now...Copy !req
163. You've got feet.Copy !req
164. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
165. What the heck is that?Copy !req
166. Ping-pong paddle.Copy !req
167. Mm, Peggy's been a bad, bad girl.Copy !req
168. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
169. Oh, my God.Copy !req
170. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
171. - Oh, yeah.
- Dang it, Dale, turn that thing off.Copy !req
172. - Just testing my new sound card.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
173. I'll tell you what, man.Copy !req
174. It all, all starting to make sense, man.Copy !req
175. How you're going to go,
go to afford them ol', that shop vacuum.Copy !req
176. For God's sakes, Boomhauer.Copy !req
177. You've known Peggy longer than I have.Copy !req
178. She respects herself
and hates her feet too muchCopy !req
179. to ever show up on something like this.Copy !req
180. Here comes the fondue.Copy !req
181. No, it doesn't.Copy !req
182. Hey!Copy !req
183. And so I have finally taken my own adviceCopy !req
184. to combine my love of educationCopy !req
185. with my interest in "edutainment."Copy !req
186. But, why are they only making
videos of your feet?Copy !req
187. Very good question.Copy !req
188. You may not have noticed
because I wear bold eyeglassesCopy !req
189. to draw the attention to my head,Copy !req
190. but your mother has exceptionally long
and handsome feet.Copy !req
191. And, up until now,Copy !req
192. I had been tricked by the mediaCopy !req
193. into thinking that they were unattractive.Copy !req
194. Who? Who in the media tricked you?Copy !req
195. Bobby, I don't know their names.Copy !req
196. It's more of a conspiracy.Copy !req
197. Well, hey, there's my movie star.Copy !req
198. Uh... Bobby, can you go watch TV?Copy !req
199. Can I?Copy !req
200. So, uh...Copy !req
201. Peggy, if I wanted to shake the hand
of the director of this, uh...Copy !req
202. Well, where would I go to wait for him?Copy !req
203. Uh, to shake his hand?Copy !req
204. Director-writer-cameraman
Grant Trimble does it all.Copy !req
205. He has his own motion picture warehouseCopy !req
206. out by the truck scales.Copy !req
207. I'll be right back.Copy !req
208. Are you the tickler?Copy !req
209. No.Copy !req
210. Hello?Copy !req
211. Hello, anyone there?Copy !req
212. Hello. Trimble? Trimble.Copy !req
213. This is a closed set.Copy !req
214. Trimble, I want you
to stay away from my wife.Copy !req
215. Oh? And who is your wife?Copy !req
216. Mrs. Peggy Hill.Copy !req
217. Then you're a very lucky man,Copy !req
218. but I'm afraid we're going
to have to share.Copy !req
219. You, sir, are nothing
but a low-rent smut-houndCopy !req
220. and you're going to delete
my wife's feet from your internetCopy !req
221. before she finds out
what you've done with them.Copy !req
222. What I've done with them?Copy !req
223. I've made them stars.Copy !req
224. You made them wade through pork and beans.Copy !req
225. This isn't about individual
artistic decisions.Copy !req
226. It's about something bigger than you
or me or any of us.Copy !req
227. It's about a world wired together,Copy !req
228. a future where, at the click of a mouse,Copy !req
229. a dream can start in ArlenCopy !req
230. and end on a computer in Johannesburg.Copy !req
231. The generations join, united,Copy !req
232. under the banner of a single ideal...Copy !req
233. women's big, beautiful feet.Copy !req
234. It's about an end to strife
and misunderstanding...Copy !req
235. one world, one dream, one peace.Copy !req
236. You leave me with no choice.Copy !req
237. I'm going to have to kick your ass.Copy !req
238. Hold on. Let me turn on the camera.Copy !req
239. Ah... Uh, sorry.Copy !req
240. Uh-uh, Hank.Copy !req
241. No more painting my toenails
alone in the dark.Copy !req
242. I don't care who sees.Copy !req
243. Uh... Peggy,Copy !req
244. there's something I want to show you
on your computer.Copy !req
245. This is an internet site
called PeggysFeet.com.Copy !req
246. Well, I think that is wonderful.Copy !req
247. Now women who are too embarrassedCopy !req
248. to even go to the doctor
can be inspired by my feetCopy !req
249. in the privacy of their own homes.Copy !req
250. Peggy, your feet are stepping
on raw hamburger.Copy !req
251. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mr. Trimble says thatCopy !req
252. that is a common European
beauty treatment.Copy !req
253. Here's some honey
being poured all over them.Copy !req
254. It... it tones the pores.Copy !req
255. - Yeah...Copy !req
256. and now a bunch of flies
get stuck to them.Copy !req
257. Okay, now, that was a mistake.Copy !req
258. Uh... here's where you can buy the flies.Copy !req
259. They're selling the flies?Copy !req
260. Well, I'm sure the money goes to
important foot-related charities.Copy !req
261. Uh, your socks are for sale, too.Copy !req
262. Peggy, they're foot fetish videos.Copy !req
263. Oh, my God.Copy !req
264. Don't feel too bad.Copy !req
265. Bill says a lot of college girlsCopy !req
266. get caught up in the dirty internet world.Copy !req
267. I'll give you some time.Copy !req
268. Grant?Copy !req
269. Oh, Peggy, what a terrific surprise.Copy !req
270. I hope you brought your swim trunks.Copy !req
271. I am not here to swim, Trimble.Copy !req
272. I know what you're up to.Copy !req
273. I have it on good authority... my own...Copy !req
274. that you have been exploiting my feet
for unseemly purposes.Copy !req
275. You have a computer?Copy !req
276. Yes. I also have a moral compass
that always points to "good."Copy !req
277. All right, Peggy,
I understand you're a little annoyed.Copy !req
278. We were shooting for the women's
empowerment marketCopy !req
279. but as it turns out, women were not
as interested as we'd hoped.Copy !req
280. We did, however, find an audience,
and it was men.Copy !req
281. Oh.Copy !req
282. I was ready to pull the plug
on PeggysFeet.com,Copy !req
283. - but then I realized something.
- Yes?Copy !req
284. Have you ever seen a pair of big,
beautiful feet like yoursCopy !req
285. in Playboy magazine, Peggy?Copy !req
286. No. Not on the coverCopy !req
287. and I certainly wouldn't open it
because I do not read pornography.Copy !req
288. Let's use a Gap ad.Copy !req
289. Have you ever seen them in a Gap ad, ever?Copy !req
290. - No.
- That's right. You haven't.Copy !req
291. But, what if someone, alone at first,Copy !req
292. was out there appreciating big,
beautiful feet?Copy !req
293. I mean, loving them the way they deserve.Copy !req
294. Pretty soon,
you'd see them in music videosCopy !req
295. then Hollywood moviesCopy !req
296. and, before too long,
on 60-foot billboardsCopy !req
297. across America pushing Parker Pens!Copy !req
298. So, really, what you're saying is,Copy !req
299. I will be helping create a better world
for men and women.Copy !req
300. I'd be like Rosa Parks.Copy !req
301. This website is your bus, Peggy.Copy !req
302. Ride it to freedom.Copy !req
303. But, you said the movies
were just for women.Copy !req
304. Well, honey, ultimately, they are.Copy !req
305. But first, we must reach the men.Copy !req
306. All right, how can I put this
so you'll understand?Copy !req
307. Hmm... Bobby,
some men like ladies' bottomsCopy !req
308. and other men like ladies' bosoms,Copy !req
309. and a small, small number...Copy !req
310. too few... love ladies' big feet.Copy !req
311. Now, Mommy is trying
to increase that numberCopy !req
312. and, thus, help women everywhere.Copy !req
313. How does this help the women
with the big boobies?Copy !req
314. They don't need any more help.Copy !req
315. Hank, I am going to my book club.Copy !req
316. We are reading "The Hunt for Red October,"Copy !req
317. which, luckily, I read 12 years ago.Copy !req
318. That's why you haven't seen me
reading it recently, okay?Copy !req
319. I will be at Becky Banky's house.Copy !req
320. She does not have a phone
or a cell phone or a telegraph.Copy !req
321. Okay, then.Copy !req
322. Beautiful. Beautiful.Copy !req
323. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
324. Cut.Copy !req
325. Now, let's rinse you off
and move on to some more eggs.Copy !req
326. More eggs?Copy !req
327. But, we've done so many eggs.Copy !req
328. How about if my feet
are on a silken cushion?Copy !req
329. I see you have one.Copy !req
330. That could be good, but wait...Copy !req
331. How about if your feet are next
to a rotting jack-o'-lantern?Copy !req
332. You know, sort of
a "Beauty and the Beast" thing.Copy !req
333. Well, I've always thought
I should play Beauty.Copy !req
334. And you will.Copy !req
335. Inner beauty.Copy !req
336. "Inner beauty"?Copy !req
337. Good morning, Grant. I brought coffee.Copy !req
338. Ooh, it's still hot.Copy !req
339. That will burn your feet.Copy !req
340. Are you ready for that?Copy !req
341. What? No.Copy !req
342. That's for you... to drink.Copy !req
343. I did have an idea, though,
which is why I brought the flowers.Copy !req
344. Uh-huh.Copy !req
345. How about surrounding my beautiful feetCopy !req
346. with beautiful flowers?Copy !req
347. I figured, we did "Beauty and the Beast."Copy !req
348. How aboutCopy !req
349. "Beauty Finally Meets Her Match"?Copy !req
350. Uh, flowers smell good.
That's not going to work.Copy !req
351. What's wrong with smelling good?Copy !req
352. People like feet that smell good.Copy !req
353. Tell you what... we'll compromise
with a tub of corned beef hash.Copy !req
354. No, Grant, that's just more food.Copy !req
355. I brought these flowers from my own yard.Copy !req
356. - They're so pretty.
- Look, I've been around this businessCopy !req
357. for long enough to know what works.Copy !req
358. No one wants "pretty."Copy !req
359. They want spinach,
eggs and corned beef hash.Copy !req
360. For some reason,
they don't like them together. Go figure.Copy !req
361. Well, of course they want "pretty."Copy !req
362. They want my feet.Copy !req
363. You, you said so yourself.Copy !req
364. All right.Copy !req
365. You're a smart woman.Copy !req
366. All the girls figure it out eventually
and that's when I start paying.Copy !req
367. Wha... huh?Copy !req
368. It's 200 bucks
for a five-minute smoosh video.Copy !req
369. We shoot ten a day.
I'm going to need your Social.Copy !req
370. Bet you never thought
those big, ugly feet of yoursCopy !req
371. could buy you a fur coat.Copy !req
372. You think my feet are ugly?Copy !req
373. Let's be honest, Peggy.Copy !req
374. You know your feet are ugly.Copy !req
375. That's what a certain type
of very self-hating individualCopy !req
376. will pay top dollar to see.Copy !req
377. Now, let's fire up those
stompers and make some dirty.Copy !req
378. What?Copy !req
379. Peggy's home.Copy !req
380. Ah. Hey, Peggy, can I, uh,
fix you a sandwich?Copy !req
381. Oh, Hank, I went back to Grant Trimble.Copy !req
382. - What?
- I feel so stupid.Copy !req
383. It turns out the only onesCopy !req
384. who want to look at my ugly feet
are perverts...Copy !req
385. And the perverts only like my feet
because they're so big and...Copy !req
386. ugly.Copy !req
387. That's what I've been trying to tell you.
They're fetishists.Copy !req
388. That means they obsess
on one weird little thing.Copy !req
389. Look, I'll never love your feet
as much as they doCopy !req
390. but, the way I look at it,Copy !req
391. well, you're like a fully loaded truck.Copy !req
392. The big tires are part of the package.Copy !req
393. You pay extra
to get those really big tires.Copy !req
394. Now, why are you crying?Copy !req
395. You know how much I want a new truck.Copy !req
396. I don't see any problems
with your feet, Mrs. Hill.Copy !req
397. They're perfectly healthy.Copy !req
398. Very good.Copy !req
399. Now, what I would likeCopy !req
400. is for you to smash them with a hammerCopy !req
401. and then reset them
until they're a size five.Copy !req
402. I'm sorry, but that's... we don't do that.Copy !req
403. Uh, Mom, aren't you shooting
some foot movies tonight?Copy !req
404. No, Bobby. Never again.Copy !req
405. Artistic differences?Copy !req
406. No.Copy !req
407. Well... No.Copy !req
408. All that stuff I told you
about empowerment, it was all lies.Copy !req
409. The whole time I was making smoosh videosCopy !req
410. and they only wanted me for my ugly feet.Copy !req
411. That was mean of them.Copy !req
412. You don't understand, Bobby.Copy !req
413. I actually let myself believe
that these were beautiful.Copy !req
414. Can you imagine Peggy Hill that stupid?Copy !req
415. I can imagine, Mom.Copy !req
416. I'm fat.Copy !req
417. Oh, no. No, honey, you're husky.Copy !req
418. It says so on your jeans.Copy !req
419. Mom, I'm fat, but, big deal.Copy !req
420. I don't feel bad about it.Copy !req
421. You never made me feel bad about itCopy !req
422. and just because there are
some people in the worldCopy !req
423. who want me to feel bad about it
doesn't mean I have to.Copy !req
424. So, Bobby Hill's fat.Copy !req
425. Hee! He's also funny, he's niceCopy !req
426. he's got a lot of friends, a girlfriendCopy !req
427. and, if you don't mind,
I think I'll go outside right nowCopy !req
428. and squirt her with water.Copy !req
429. What are you going to do?Copy !req
430. Men's 12.Copy !req
431. Men's nine.Copy !req
432. Ladies' five, sug.Copy !req
433. Gents' 12 and nine, gals' size five.Copy !req
434. My name is Peggy HillCopy !req
435. and I will take a size 16 and a half.Copy !req
436. We don't need to know your name.
We just need your shoes.Copy !req
437. Fine. 16 and a half.Copy !req
438. You know,
I think I saw her on a website.Copy !req
439. Who? Who in the media tricked you?Copy !req