1. Oh, sweet Lord.Copy !req
2. - Hello? Hank Hill, Strickland Propane.Copy !req
3. Unannounced service check.Copy !req
4. We've got a storage tank situation
that requires immediate attention.Copy !req
5. - Someone here?Copy !req
6. Oh...Copy !req
7. Uh, Mr. Winston, we've got a problem here.Copy !req
8. When you replaced your regulator,Copy !req
9. you didn't replace the copper pigtailCopy !req
10. - and now you've...
- Oh, thank God.Copy !req
11. Thank you, Hank. You saved my life.Copy !req
12. A leaky pigtailCopy !req
13. is really more of a waste issue
than a safety issue.Copy !req
14. I've been trapped in that dang freezer
since 2:00 in the morning.Copy !req
15. I dropped a jar of RaguCopy !req
16. and the door slammed shut
while I was mopping it up.Copy !req
17. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead.Copy !req
18. Really? I saved a life.Copy !req
19. - How do you like that?
- I like it a lot, Hank.Copy !req
20. Why don't you come back this weekend?Copy !req
21. I'll give you dinner for two on the house.Copy !req
22. Oh, what am I saying? You saved my life...Copy !req
23. Dinner for four.Copy !req
24. And then I opened the freezer door,Copy !req
25. and damned if I didn't find a guy
in a tuxedo.Copy !req
26. Oh, Hank, you could have been killed.Copy !req
27. Now, promise me you will never do
something like that again.Copy !req
28. Well, hold on.
To thank me for saving his life,Copy !req
29. he's giving me free dinner for four
including drinks, but not tip.Copy !req
30. So, who should we invite?Copy !req
31. Oh, I figured since it was
for four people,Copy !req
32. I'd take Dale, Bill and Boomhauer.Copy !req
33. You can't go with the guys.Copy !req
34. That's Amore
is the most romantic restaurantCopy !req
35. in all of Heimlich county.Copy !req
36. You will take meCopy !req
37. and we will invite
another couple to join us.Copy !req
38. How about me and Connie?Copy !req
39. We were just saying we don't
go out enough with other couples.Copy !req
40. You and Connie?Copy !req
41. What on earth would we talk about?Copy !req
42. Well, the upshot is the man's not dead,Copy !req
43. and I've got a free dinner for four
at That's Amore.Copy !req
44. We get to share a meal
at the most romantic restaurant in town.Copy !req
45. Sorry, Peggy wants it to be
a couples' date.Copy !req
46. You know, with another couple.Copy !req
47. Wait a minute.Copy !req
48. I have a wife, we're a couple.Copy !req
49. - Ha, ha.Copy !req
50. - Who is it?
- Dale Gribble.Copy !req
51. Come in!Copy !req
52. Sorry to interrupt your healing session...Copy !req
53. Hey, John Redcorn...Copy !req
54. But Hank and Peggy invited us
to dinner Saturday night.Copy !req
55. But Saturday is one
of my John Redcorn nights.Copy !req
56. Sorry, shug.Copy !req
57. But, Nancy, maybe you should go.Copy !req
58. What? No.
I have an appointment with you...Copy !req
59. for my migraines.Copy !req
60. Yes, I know. It's just...Copy !req
61. I've healed you three to five nights
a week for many years.Copy !req
62. I could really use a night off.Copy !req
63. I don't understand.Copy !req
64. Did I do something to upset you?Copy !req
65. - As a patient?
- No, of course not.Copy !req
66. I love... treating you...Copy !req
67. - Then what is it?
- It's nothing.Copy !req
68. - It's not nothing.
- It's just...Copy !req
69. Damn it, can't I take a night off?Copy !req
70. Do whatever you want.Copy !req
71. - I don't care.Copy !req
72. Great. I'll tell 'em we're on.Copy !req
73. Guess who's joining us for dinner.Copy !req
74. Dale and Nancy.Copy !req
75. She already told you?Copy !req
76. Oh, my god! Hank, I was joking.Copy !req
77. I didn't mean to invite him.Copy !req
78. I wouldn't have even brought it up
if I remembered for a secondCopy !req
79. that he was married.Copy !req
80. They're not even a real couple.Copy !req
81. Did you know she only sleeps with him
on his birthday and Christmas?Copy !req
82. That's why she gets so depressed
around the holidays.Copy !req
83. Peggy.Copy !req
84. Madame Gribble.Copy !req
85. Would you excuse me?Copy !req
86. Boy, her can looks so sexy
when she's walking away,Copy !req
87. it's almost a shame she's going
to turn around and come back.Copy !req
88. Hello. This is John Redcorn.Copy !req
89. If you're calling about the car,
it's already been sold.Copy !req
90. Otherwise, please leave a message.Copy !req
91. John Redcorn, it's me.Copy !req
92. I guess you're out enjoying
your night off.Copy !req
93. Well, I miss you. I'll call you tomorrow.Copy !req
94. Hey there, beautiful.Copy !req
95. What are you drinking, red wine?Copy !req
96. Yep, red wine.Copy !req
97. Take a hike.
The lady doesn't want to be bothered.Copy !req
98. It's okay. I know him.Copy !req
99. I have never seen this woman
before in my life...Copy !req
100. except in my dreams.Copy !req
101. You smell good.Copy !req
102. Thank you.Copy !req
103. I like your tie.Copy !req
104. Found it on the ground.Copy !req
105. Haven't worn it since I was inaugurated
president of the gun club.Copy !req
106. I didn't know you were president. Congratulations.Copy !req
107. Oh, and congratulations to you
on your 79 percent accuracy rateCopy !req
108. in predicting last month's weather.Copy !req
109. You watch channel 84 Action News
with Miguel Hernandez?Copy !req
110. I sort of have a crush on the weather gal.Copy !req
111. Oh, I forgot you have brown eyes.Copy !req
112. They're so cute and close together.Copy !req
113. Look at those two.Copy !req
114. They're so happy almost makes you forget
their last 14 years.Copy !req
115. Mm-hmm. Romance has a new address.Copy !req
116. Yep.Copy !req
117. This place sure is special.Copy !req
118. Hank, would you like to dance?Copy !req
119. Oh, no thanks. I'm on my feet all day.Copy !req
120. Self-taught!Copy !req
121. I had a nice time tonight, shug.Copy !req
122. Yeah. Me, too.Copy !req
123. Well, good night.Copy !req
124. Dale?Copy !req
125. Okay, let's get started.Copy !req
126. Mmm.Copy !req
127. Oh, my god.Copy !req
128. Boy, if they gave an Olympic medal
in sexual gymnastics,Copy !req
129. I would've taken home
the silver last night.Copy !req
130. Yeah.Copy !req
131. If you say so. I was pretty drunk.Copy !req
132. Ooh, I'd forgotten how comfortable
your mattress is.Copy !req
133. What is it, Sealy? Simmons?Copy !req
134. Serta? Spring Air? Stearns & Foster?Copy !req
135. I don't know.Copy !req
136. Simmons, I bet.Copy !req
137. Well, got to go empty some glue traps
over at the preschool.Copy !req
138. But I'll be thinking of you.Copy !req
139. Morning, Nancy.
You're up early, and so am I.Copy !req
140. - Morning.
- Oh, is something wrong?Copy !req
141. I slept with Dale.Copy !req
142. Oh, my god, we forgot his birthday.Copy !req
143. Oh, what if John Redcorn finds out?Copy !req
144. Fourteen years we've been together
and I throw it all awayCopy !req
145. for one night of reckless passion.Copy !req
146. Nancy, now, you know
my position on monogamy.Copy !req
147. I am in favor of it.Copy !req
148. This is your chance to give up
the excitement of an affairCopy !req
149. and have a normal life with your husband.Copy !req
150. I'm sorry, shug.Copy !req
151. Maybe monogamy works for you and Hank,Copy !req
152. but it does not work for me
and Dale and John Redcorn.Copy !req
153. Hey, baby. Daddy's home.Copy !req
154. You miss me? Mmm.Copy !req
155. John Redcorn's coming over tonight.
When are you leaving for the gun club?Copy !req
156. Your headache's back?Copy !req
157. But you felt fine when I left.Copy !req
158. Wait a minute. Every time I leave,
you call John Redcorn.Copy !req
159. I know what's going on here.Copy !req
160. Your headaches are a desperate bid
for my attentions.Copy !req
161. But what do I do?
I pawn you off on some Indian healerCopy !req
162. so I can have my Dale time
at the gun club,Copy !req
163. or breeding show turtles,Copy !req
164. or on the internet investigating
unexplained phenomenana.Copy !req
165. God, I am so selfish.Copy !req
166. Oh, stop blaming yourself, shug.Copy !req
167. In some ways, this is my fault, too.Copy !req
168. I don't deserve you.Copy !req
169. Of course you do.Copy !req
170. You are a sensitive, trusting,
sweet, trusting man,Copy !req
171. and I don't deserve you.Copy !req
172. Are you sure you're not an alien?Copy !req
173. 'Cause you just abducted my heart.Copy !req
174. Someone just had sex with his wife.Copy !req
175. Dang, man. I'll tell you, oh, Hank, man.Copy !req
176. You go grabbin' a little ol' afternoon
like that, man.Copy !req
177. What? I didn't do...Copy !req
178. Me! me! It was me!Copy !req
179. You, and, and Nancy, are you sure?Copy !req
180. Yeah, I thought you were withholding
intimacy to preserve your life force.Copy !req
181. I was.Copy !req
182. But then Hank had to go
dragging me and the old ladyCopy !req
183. to some Italian romanceria.Copy !req
184. Next thing you know,
we're on our second honeymoon,Copy !req
185. only this time, no cruise shipCopy !req
186. and I only vomited once.Copy !req
187. I think I've finally gotten to the pointCopy !req
188. where I actually love her
more than my mother.Copy !req
189. Hello, this is John Redcorn.Copy !req
190. If you're calling about the car,
it's already been...Copy !req
191. - Hello, hello? Yeah, hold on.
- Hello?Copy !req
192. - Sorry.Copy !req
193. Um, I have to cancel tonight's session.Copy !req
194. - What?
- I... I have a headache.Copy !req
195. So? Just take an aspirin.Copy !req
196. Here's the thing. I can't see you anymore.Copy !req
197. Nancy, please.Copy !req
198. I'm sorry, John Redcorn.Copy !req
199. There you are, shug.Copy !req
200. Who let you out of the house?Copy !req
201. Uh...Copy !req
202. Peggy and I sure did have
a good time last night.Copy !req
203. Oh, yeah, Dale and I
had a good time last night, too.Copy !req
204. The four of us should get together
again soon.Copy !req
205. Whoo!Copy !req
206. Whoo!Copy !req
207. Hey, Hank,
why are you skating backwards?Copy !req
208. If I wanted to, I could.Copy !req
209. I just think there are better things
the four of us could be doing together.Copy !req
210. Are you suggesting we swing?Copy !req
211. I'm sorry,
I don't share my Nancy with anyone.Copy !req
212. I was not suggesting that at all.Copy !req
213. You can't go back on it now.Copy !req
214. It's already out there.Copy !req
215. Nancy, I am so glad
you finally took my adviceCopy !req
216. and decided to love Dale.Copy !req
217. And you know what?Copy !req
218. I don't even mind doing the right thing
when it's this much fun.Copy !req
219. - Love train! Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
220. - What the hell?Copy !req
221. Where are my smokes?Copy !req
222. Um, I think they're in the shower caddy.Copy !req
223. What was he doing in your bed?Copy !req
224. Tell me he had a nightmare.Copy !req
225. I didn't mean to hurt you.
You have to believe me.Copy !req
226. Do you love him?Copy !req
227. I'm sorry.Copy !req
228. No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
229. Huh, John Redcorn?Copy !req
230. I, I didn't... I mean, I...Copy !req
231. I thought he was a burglar.Copy !req
232. What was he doing in our bedroom
in the middle of the night?Copy !req
233. Um... he was dropping off
an insurance claim form.Copy !req
234. Damn my cat-like reflexes.Copy !req
235. Sh-sh-shah!Copy !req
236. Stop with the "sh-sh-shah," shug.Copy !req
237. Everything's going to be okay.Copy !req
238. I'm here for you. So is Dale.Copy !req
239. Oh, God, oh, God, please don't sue.Copy !req
240. John Redcorn, come back!Copy !req
241. I'm sorry!Copy !req
242. You didn't do anything wrong.Copy !req
243. I'm the one who kabonked him.Copy !req
244. Hey, look we're brushing
our teeth together.Copy !req
245. You think we should invite
Dale and Nancy to join us?Copy !req
246. - Wouldn't that be fun?
- Obviously not.Copy !req
247. But I think that was your point.Copy !req
248. Don't get me wrong.Copy !req
249. I'm glad their marriage
has stopped crumbling,Copy !req
250. but when are these couples' dates
going to end?Copy !req
251. You know, Dale thought we wanted to swing?Copy !req
252. Swing? Absolutely not.Copy !req
253. You get Nancy, and I end up with Dale?Copy !req
254. Who's the clear winner there, hmm?Copy !req
255. Dale.Copy !req
256. It's just seeing you like that
passed out on the floor so vulnerableCopy !req
257. like a sexy, wounded bear.Copy !req
258. We've been through too much
together to end it like this.Copy !req
259. I want you back.Copy !req
260. I'm 36 years old. I don't need this crap.Copy !req
261. Oh...Copy !req
262. - Was that John Redcorn?
- No.Copy !req
263. Oh, yes.Copy !req
264. - How's he doing?
- I don't know. He hung up on me.Copy !req
265. Maybe I should go over
to his trailer and apologize.Copy !req
266. No!Copy !req
267. I think maybe the best thing for you...Copy !req
268. for both of us... is to just let it go.Copy !req
269. Promise me, Dale.
Promise you'll let it go.Copy !req
270. All he ever did was make
your head feel betterCopy !req
271. and I go and make his head feel worse.Copy !req
272. It's almost ironic.Copy !req
273. Hey, John Redcorn.Copy !req
274. I came to apologize for beating you up.Copy !req
275. You didn't beat me up.Copy !req
276. You snuck up behind me with a lamp.Copy !req
277. Okay, I know you're mad at me right nowCopy !req
278. and probably a little scared,Copy !req
279. and I feel horrible.Copy !req
280. Now, what do you say?
Let's smoke 'em peace pipe.Copy !req
281. Goodbye, Dale.Copy !req
282. Oh, come on.Copy !req
283. How about you hit me on the head
and we call it even?Copy !req
284. This'll work.Copy !req
285. Oh, hitting you won't change anything.Copy !req
286. I'll still be living in a trailer,
no wife, no land.Copy !req
287. You know, over half of Arlen
used to belong to my people.Copy !req
288. You come from money?Copy !req
289. Ten years ago, I filed a lawsuit
against the Bureau of Indian Affairs.Copy !req
290. But to this day,
they refuse to return the landCopy !req
291. that is rightfully ours.Copy !req
292. Hmm. Have you tried using FOIA?Copy !req
293. What?Copy !req
294. Enacted in 1966,
The Freedom of Information Act, or FOIA,Copy !req
295. gives any citizen the right
to request accessCopy !req
296. to federal agency records or information.Copy !req
297. It's what I used when I took on the I.R.S.Copy !req
298. for disallowing my status
as a tax-exempt church.Copy !req
299. Would you mind...Copy !req
300. "Bringing down the federal government"?Copy !req
301. Not at all.Copy !req
302. - Can I?
- No.Copy !req
303. - Please?
- No.Copy !req
304. Oh, come on.Copy !req
305. - If it'll shut you up...Copy !req
306. Dale, dinner!Copy !req
307. Have you shugs seen Dale?Copy !req
308. I can't see anything.Copy !req
309. Geez, I hope he's not deadCopy !req
310. or we'd have to cancel
our couples' date at the lake.Copy !req
311. - Damn.Copy !req
312. Where have you been? I've been worried.Copy !req
313. Well, not worried.Copy !req
314. Lonely.Copy !req
315. Oh, I was at John...
um, at the gun club...Copy !req
316. playing Russian Roulette.Copy !req
317. Oh, did you win?Copy !req
318. You're not really familiar with the game,
are you?Copy !req
319. No.Copy !req
320. Yeah, I won.Copy !req
321. "Fifthfully,
we don't live in communist chinaCopy !req
322. and our Indians have rights which are..."Copy !req
323. Ah... ooh.Copy !req
324. You're pushing yourself too hard.Copy !req
325. You must relax.Copy !req
326. Mmm.Copy !req
327. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
328. Dale, you are a good man.Copy !req
329. All this effort on behalf of my struggleCopy !req
330. and you're not even a native American.Copy !req
331. Isn't it time we put aside
our differences?Copy !req
332. On behalf of the white man,Copy !req
333. I would like to formally apologizeCopy !req
334. for everything my people
have done to your people.Copy !req
335. And I would like to apologize
for everything I've done to you...Copy !req
336. and your people.Copy !req
337. Dale said he'd meet me hereCopy !req
338. after de-roaching
the Christian Science reading room.Copy !req
339. I feel like such a fool.Copy !req
340. She feels like a fool?Copy !req
341. I might as well be paddling
a giant jackass around the lake.Copy !req
342. Well, he's not coming.Copy !req
343. And you wonder why I need two men.Copy !req
344. One is always letting me down.Copy !req
345. Ah, yeah, okay, then.Copy !req
346. That's it. We're going in.Copy !req
347. Hank...Copy !req
348. Nancy, going back to having Dale
and John RedcornCopy !req
349. is not the answer.Copy !req
350. There's an expression that I once heard.Copy !req
351. It goes something like...Copy !req
352. "Two's company, three's a crowd." Hmm.Copy !req
353. Well, I've heard another expression.Copy !req
354. The heart wants what it wants.Copy !req
355. Woody Allen.Copy !req
356. Nancy, wait!Copy !req
357. He married his daughter!Copy !req
358. And... done.Copy !req
359. All it needs is your John Hancock,
John Redcorn.Copy !req
360. - Thank you again, Dale.Copy !req
361. The pizza, it's on me.Copy !req
362. - I made a mistake.Copy !req
363. I had it all, and I threw half of it away.Copy !req
364. All I want is it all again.Copy !req
365. Nancy, no.Copy !req
366. - Nancy?
- Oh, my God, Dale!Copy !req
367. What are you doing here?Copy !req
368. Uh, dang Christian scientists
gave me a headache.Copy !req
369. Then they wouldn't give me an aspirin,Copy !req
370. just a magazine,
so I thought Redcorn could help.Copy !req
371. A similar question would be,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
372. I, uh, have a headache, too.Copy !req
373. A big migraine just snuck up on me.Copy !req
374. Ow, ow, oh, it hurts.Copy !req
375. Your headaches are back? But I thought...Copy !req
376. Ah... the swan boats. I completely forgot.Copy !req
377. Now you got a migraine
and it's all my fault.Copy !req
378. - I hope you're happy.
- No.Copy !req
379. Okay, Nancy, here's the deal.Copy !req
380. I know I promised
I wouldn't come here, but...Copy !req
381. Fifteen years of patient-healer relationsCopy !req
382. and I shatter it like so much lamp
on scalp.Copy !req
383. I can't fix that lamp.Copy !req
384. I tried and I got a really bad shock.Copy !req
385. But maybe I can put you two back together.Copy !req
386. You came here for me?Copy !req
387. For both of you.Copy !req
388. What do you say, John Redcorn?Copy !req
389. Will you heal my wife?Copy !req
390. Please?Copy !req
391. No. I'm sorry, but... no.Copy !req
392. You bastard!Copy !req
393. After all the help I've given you?Copy !req
394. Dale, you've become a true friend.Copy !req
395. Which is why it would be...Copy !req
396. unprofessional of me
to continue seeing your wife.Copy !req
397. I understand.Copy !req
398. Wait, I guess I could treat you.Copy !req
399. I may not be a licensed new age healer,Copy !req
400. but I think I've walked in on you guys
often enoughCopy !req
401. to know what goes on in there.Copy !req
402. Dale, the power to heal
dwells not in the head or the hands,Copy !req
403. but in the heart.Copy !req
404. You are a good man
and you love Nancy very much,Copy !req
405. and perhaps love
is the strongest medicine of all.Copy !req
406. I'm sorry, it's just...Copy !req
407. - Goodbye, Nancy.
- Goodbye, John Redcorn.Copy !req
408. I was getting a weird vibe in there.Copy !req
409. You think he's gay?Copy !req
410. This is good.Copy !req
411. This is dynamite.Copy !req
412. Love train! Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req