1. - Don't cold can me.Copy !req
2. Here you go. RSVP means
repondez-vous s'il vous plaitCopy !req
3. which in redneck means pick up phone
and call to give me head countCopy !req
4. for big Laotian New Year's party.Copy !req
5. New Year's party?Copy !req
6. We're not falling for a New Year's party
in April, Kahn.Copy !req
7. We are not April fools.Copy !req
8. You are dumb as chimps.Copy !req
9. Laotians use lunar calendar
so our New Year come in April.Copy !req
10. It's called Pimai.Copy !req
11. So when do you pay your taxes, August?Copy !req
12. Okay, this real simple.Copy !req
13. You all come to my big Pimai party,Copy !req
14. get out of your stinking pigpens
for a night.Copy !req
15. See what it's like to live
in a Pottery Barn catalog.Copy !req
16. Huh, so Kahn's party is for real.Copy !req
17. I'm gonna RSVP I'm not going.Copy !req
18. - Nope.
- Nuh-uh.Copy !req
19. Je reponds non.Copy !req
20. Absolument non!Copy !req
21. I'm gonna make a Pimai resolution
to kiss you every dayCopy !req
22. and to get out more.Copy !req
23. - Kahn Junior!
- I better go.Copy !req
24. If my dad sees us together...Copy !req
25. Well, he thinks
I'm collecting soil samples.Copy !req
26. Your dad's days of hating me
are coming to a close.Copy !req
27. Who can hate a kid who can Charleston?Copy !req
28. Bye.Copy !req
29. Hank, we are going to that party.Copy !req
30. They are Connie's parents,Copy !req
31. and it's not like
there is a stream of girlsCopy !req
32. lining up to date Bobby.Copy !req
33. There is one.Copy !req
34. Yeah. Used to be none.Copy !req
35. Exactly.Copy !req
36. That is why we are going to do our partCopy !req
37. and pretend that we like Kahn and Minh.Copy !req
38. Now let's practice.Copy !req
39. I'll be Kahn.Copy !req
40. You are a dumb redneck.Copy !req
41. That sounds more like Minh.Copy !req
42. Leave my wife out of this, hillbilly.Copy !req
43. I wish they'd move.Copy !req
44. I'm not wearing that to the Pimai party.Copy !req
45. I don't know why you
buy clothes for me online.Copy !req
46. Wassanasongs might come.Copy !req
47. Chane Wassanasong
is the biggest shank in our class.Copy !req
48. They very important family.Copy !req
49. Ted Wassanasong
member of Nine Rivers Country Club.Copy !req
50. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
51. I just get big call!Copy !req
52. Ted Wassanasong?Copy !req
53. Yes! They are coming to our party.Copy !req
54. And Ted says they are bringing along
important monks.Copy !req
55. Buddhist monks?Copy !req
56. Yeah, yeah, Buddhist, whatever, monks.Copy !req
57. I'll get shrimp.Copy !req
58. Yeah, big shrimp.Copy !req
59. These monks are looking
for reborn spirit of some lama,Copy !req
60. name of Lama Sanglug.Copy !req
61. Lesser-known lama but still
spiritual big shot any way you slice it.Copy !req
62. They think he reincarnated in this area.Copy !req
63. They look all over McMaynerberry,Copy !req
64. turn up squat.Copy !req
65. Ted says all signs point to Chane.Copy !req
66. You hear that, Connie?Copy !req
67. Chane could be a lama, a great leader.Copy !req
68. What makes everybody so sure
that Chane is the lama?Copy !req
69. He second oboist,Copy !req
70. runner-up in Westinghouse Science ContestCopy !req
71. and he has terrific posture.Copy !req
72. I'm first violin
and a Westinghouse winner.Copy !req
73. How do you know I'm not the lama?Copy !req
74. Connie a lama?Copy !req
75. Oh, that be amazing.Copy !req
76. Finally stuck-up jerk Ted Wassanasong
have to kiss my ass!Copy !req
77. - Hey, Hank.Copy !req
78. - Bill.
- Happy Pimai.Copy !req
79. Damn it, Bill!Copy !req
80. Oh, Hank, it's a Pimai custom.Copy !req
81. I'm in.Copy !req
82. Oh, gentle Christian neighbor...Copy !req
83. As you might hear
from my daughter Sanglug...Copy !req
84. Ah, I mean Connie.Copy !req
85. Where that come from?Copy !req
86. They throw water on you
to wash away the old yearCopy !req
87. and bring luck for the new.Copy !req
88. - Ow.
- Ow.Copy !req
89. Connie, Connie.Copy !req
90. I saw Chane trying to suck up to the monksCopy !req
91. by wrapping up a to-go plate.Copy !req
92. He is such a loser.Copy !req
93. Talk to the junior monk.Copy !req
94. He likes oceanography.Copy !req
95. And who went to oceanography camp?Copy !req
96. Me.Copy !req
97. And Chane.Copy !req
98. - Mmm...
- Hey, Kahn, I found one of your HeinekensCopy !req
99. sitting in the back
of one of the crisper drawers.Copy !req
100. Can I have it?Copy !req
101. Oh, that not my beer.Copy !req
102. I don't drink.Copy !req
103. Oh.Copy !req
104. - Minh said it was yours.
- Take it!Copy !req
105. Oh, he village idiot,Copy !req
106. and in this village,
that really saying something.Copy !req
107. And yet Connie, my daughter,
still read to him.Copy !req
108. Good luck trying to be a lama.Copy !req
109. You don't have to try to be a lama.Copy !req
110. You either are or you aren't, and I am.Copy !req
111. Why would a lama want to come back
as a third oboe?Copy !req
112. - Second, Connie.
- Any woodwind.Copy !req
113. And when she little girl
she name her goldfish Lama Sanglug.Copy !req
114. We would like to lay out
some artifacts for your daughterCopy !req
115. and the Wassanasong boy to observe.Copy !req
116. If either child is the reincarnated lama,Copy !req
117. they will choose correctly.Copy !req
118. Oh, yeah, the test! I go get her.Copy !req
119. I need the keys to the Aerostar.Copy !req
120. Hey, a yard sale.Copy !req
121. - How much for the bell?Copy !req
122. No, this is a test.Copy !req
123. One of these objectsCopy !req
124. belonged to our revered lama
before he died.Copy !req
125. His reborn spirit will recognize
the object and choose it.Copy !req
126. Oh. Let me try.
How much is it, dollar a play?Copy !req
127. Okay, Son, you the lama, you the lama.Copy !req
128. Watch close. Every monk has a tell.Copy !req
129. Hurry, hurry. You gotta pick before Chane.Copy !req
130. Uh, hi there.Copy !req
131. It's great to see the kids enjoying
a good old pi-pi-ma-pa-pon party.Copy !req
132. - Uh...
- Out of my way, you redneck.Copy !req
133. - It's test time.
- Hey, Peggy does do a good you.Copy !req
134. Uh-oh.Copy !req
135. - Oh, no.
- I'll stall him.Copy !req
136. Hey, Chane, bust a move with me.Copy !req
137. - Bobby?Copy !req
138. No, no, no, no, no, please get up.Copy !req
139. I'm just the warm-up act.Copy !req
140. Here's Connie to take the test.Copy !req
141. Bobby, you just took the test.Copy !req
142. Uh, no, I didn't.Copy !req
143. Uh, Connie, here's your cane.Copy !req
144. You have selected correctly.Copy !req
145. That cane belonged to Sanglug.Copy !req
146. Bobby, we believe you are
a very special child.Copy !req
147. Sanglug was also joyful
and given to dance.Copy !req
148. You could be destined
to be a spiritual leaderCopy !req
149. as the reincarnation of Lama Sanglug.Copy !req
150. Okay, show's over. We're going home.Copy !req
151. Oh, this is all a big mistake.Copy !req
152. You don't want me.Copy !req
153. No, Bobby, today you passed
a very important test.Copy !req
154. Our leader, the Rinpoche
will come here next SundayCopy !req
155. to confirm our findings.Copy !req
156. Look here.Copy !req
157. I can't stop you from doing
what you do at the airportsCopy !req
158. but in my neighborhood,
you'll stay away from my son.Copy !req
159. Thanks a lot, Bobby.Copy !req
160. But I didn't do anything.Copy !req
161. That guy in the dress is loco.Copy !req
162. That guy is a monk
and that dress is a robe,Copy !req
163. and my religion is not a joke.Copy !req
164. They're not taking this very well.Copy !req
165. One of us should stay.Copy !req
166. What? What?Copy !req
167. Ah, come on.Copy !req
168. I'm not sleeping in that van
another night.Copy !req
169. No, we are blessed to be in a townCopy !req
170. with a most generous Buddhist family.Copy !req
171. Oh, good. Company.Copy !req
172. Blow up the air mattress.Copy !req
173. Oh, and they thought
it was going to be Connie.Copy !req
174. Well, I always knew my Bobby
was destined for greatness.Copy !req
175. To be perfectly honest, didn't see lama.Copy !req
176. The Buddhists think Bobby is a holy man.Copy !req
177. Now, that's just sad.Copy !req
178. Hank, Hank, Hank, listen to this.Copy !req
179. Richard Gere s a Buddhist.Copy !req
180. Just keeps getting sadder.Copy !req
181. Is this what you dragged me
out here for...Copy !req
182. soft-serve ice cream at the student union?Copy !req
183. That was an unscheduled detour.Copy !req
184. The campus Buddhist Club
is the main attraction.Copy !req
185. Don't tell anyone I'm a lama.
I want to blend in.Copy !req
186. This act symbolizes when the Buddha left
his palace to become a monkCopy !req
187. and cut off his long hair with a sword.Copy !req
188. - My parents don't go to things like this.Copy !req
189. There's no one here they want to meet.Copy !req
190. Om mani padme hum...Copy !req
191. Thanks for bringing me, Bobby.Copy !req
192. Thank you for the ice cream cone.Copy !req
193. A real lama wouldn't be thinking
of SuperCuts jokesCopy !req
194. in the middle of the ceremony, right?Copy !req
195. Well, Lama Sanglug always said
that the funniest jokeCopy !req
196. comes from the tedium of meditation.Copy !req
197. He was a wonderfully funny man.Copy !req
198. He often wore his begging bowl like a hat.Copy !req
199. I do that with my cereal bowl.Copy !req
200. Bobby, there are some teachings
that I think may help you on your journey.Copy !req
201. Oh, cool.Copy !req
202. No pictures?Copy !req
203. Maybe this will help.Copy !req
204. Let go of my finger.Copy !req
205. You let go of my beer.Copy !req
206. So help me, Bill,
don't mess with my trigger finger.Copy !req
207. Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do...Copy !req
208. shoot me with my beer? I don't think so.Copy !req
209. Why are friends fighting?Copy !req
210. He put his finger in my beer.Copy !req
211. He dared me to.Copy !req
212. You fight,
but you both have the same goal.Copy !req
213. Right?Copy !req
214. - So?
- So?Copy !req
215. Mr. Gribble, I want you to relaxCopy !req
216. and imagine your finger sliding right out
of Mr. Dauterive's beer.Copy !req
217. That is the single most ridiculous thingCopy !req
218. I've ever h...Copy !req
219. Uh...Copy !req
220. Chane Wassanasong
could never have done that.Copy !req
221. Ah, Chane's a good guy.Copy !req
222. Om mani padme hum.Copy !req
223. - Om mani padme hum.
- No way.Copy !req
224. No got-dang way.Copy !req
225. Dad, I was this close to enlightenment.Copy !req
226. You can call putting paint on your headCopy !req
227. anything you want but we're Christians,
and we don't do that kind of stuff.Copy !req
228. Why do you think
we go to church every Sunday...Copy !req
229. for fun?Copy !req
230. Well, why do we go?Copy !req
231. Because we're Methodist.Copy !req
232. Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you.Copy !req
233. What is Methodism, anyway?Copy !req
234. Methodism is a rejection of Calvinism.Copy !req
235. Ah. Uh, yeah. Heh.Copy !req
236. So, Bobby, you heard her.Copy !req
237. You can't be a lama.Copy !req
238. Oh, you're the boy.Copy !req
239. - Congratulations.
- Now hold on.Copy !req
240. Wait. We're supposed to be
on the same team here.Copy !req
241. Of course, we are.Copy !req
242. Bobby, do you love Jesus?Copy !req
243. - With all my heart.
- Buddhist liar.Copy !req
244. Mr. Hill, I would prefer it if Bobby
were simply a devout Methodist,Copy !req
245. but if he can use this experienceCopy !req
246. to connect
to his spirituality sincerely...Copy !req
247. Yeah, yeah, okay, we're running late.Copy !req
248. - Reverend, I'll see you Sunday.
- We could always use an extra heartCopy !req
249. at the homeless prayer service
on Saturday morning.Copy !req
250. I'll mention it to the missus.Copy !req
251. - Listen to the wind.Copy !req
252. Let the wind take the world away.Copy !req
253. What do you hear inside, Connie?Copy !req
254. I just hear my dad's ignorance
and my mom's empty-headed materialism.Copy !req
255. No, wait, wait.Copy !req
256. I hear my dad's empty-headed
materialism, too.Copy !req
257. That's the loudest.Copy !req
258. You expect too much of them, Connie.Copy !req
259. Sometimes you have to let things
be as they are.Copy !req
260. So your parents don't like me.Copy !req
261. Eh. I'm carrying a few extra pounds?Copy !req
262. - Eh.
- Easy for you to say. You're a lama.Copy !req
263. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
264. I'm teaching here.Copy !req
265. Listen with your heart.Copy !req
266. The beating of it will drown out
everything else.Copy !req
267. All that's left will be the sound of us.Copy !req
268. Kiss me, Sanglug.Copy !req
269. "My child is an honor student
at Westview Elementary."Copy !req
270. Yeah? Well my child is God
to billions of Asians!Copy !req
271. Hey, Connie,Copy !req
272. I noticed that you couldn't stop
looking over at me.Copy !req
273. I kept hearing flats.Copy !req
274. I assumed they were coming from you.Copy !req
275. Now, come on, you two.Copy !req
276. If one of you plays flats
and the other plays sharps,Copy !req
277. we will have perfect harmony.Copy !req
278. That doesn't even make sense, nitwit.Copy !req
279. Shut up.Copy !req
280. You're just jealous
because you weren't chosen as lama.Copy !req
281. I'm glad I'm not a lama.Copy !req
282. The Chane train stops for the ladies.Copy !req
283. What is that supposed to mean?Copy !req
284. Lamas can't have wives.Copy !req
285. They can't even have girlfriends.Copy !req
286. Is that true, Bobby?Copy !req
287. It... it can't be.Copy !req
288. I mean, how do they get new lamas
if the lamas can't...Copy !req
289. Oh, no.Copy !req
290. Reincarnation.Copy !req
291. I got it. I'm leaving the Buddhahood.Copy !req
292. Bobby, I won't let you.Copy !req
293. I want to be with you, too,
but it's not our choice.Copy !req
294. If you're Sanglug, you're Sanglug.Copy !req
295. It's meant to be.Copy !req
296. I can always tank the test.Copy !req
297. I'll pick a bell.Copy !req
298. Who owns a bell?Copy !req
299. What if it is the bell?Copy !req
300. I'll pick another cane.Copy !req
301. They wouldn't make it
the same thing twice.Copy !req
302. Bobby, don't make this a game.Copy !req
303. If you don't take that test tomorrow,Copy !req
304. I'm going to be wondering
for the rest of my life if you're a lama,Copy !req
305. and if you are,Copy !req
306. I'll be disrespecting Buddha every day.Copy !req
307. I can't live with that.Copy !req
308. So, how long you been celibate?Copy !req
309. Three years.Copy !req
310. Mmm. The fourth year is the tough one.Copy !req
311. You.Copy !req
312. You go tell my boy he's not a lama. Now.Copy !req
313. I can't tell him that,
because it's not up to me.Copy !req
314. There's a Buddhist saying...Copy !req
315. "As the wheel follows the ox
that draws the cart,Copy !req
316. the wind cannot overturn a mountain."Copy !req
317. You're talking like a songCopy !req
318. from the "Lion King." Stop that.
It makes no sense.Copy !req
319. Or does it make perfect sense?Copy !req
320. What the...Copy !req
321. See, that's the type of...Copy !req
322. I'm gonna kick your ass.Copy !req
323. If my ass is going to be kicked
then it will be kicked.Copy !req
324. Wha...Copy !req
325. To the celibacy of monks.Copy !req
326. The celibacy of monks.Copy !req
327. Oh, there, there, Kahn Junior.
We know how you must feel.Copy !req
328. But, really,
you just dodge a chubby white bullet.Copy !req
329. Om mani padme hum.Copy !req
330. Om mani...Copy !req
331. I don't know what the heck I'm doing.Copy !req
332. Lama Sanglug, I miss Connie so much.Copy !req
333. Wait. I'm Lama Sanglug.Copy !req
334. What should we do?Copy !req
335. Give us a sign.Copy !req
336. I am the great Lama Sanglug
and you are not.Copy !req
337. Forget about that dang Buddhist hooey.Copy !req
338. I command you.Copy !req
339. Dad? What are you doing?Copy !req
340. Uh, nothing.Copy !req
341. I was just walking by,
and I thought I heard...Copy !req
342. Uh... don't take the test tomorrow.Copy !req
343. I have to.Copy !req
344. What have they got on you, boy?Copy !req
345. I'm in a jam here.Copy !req
346. Connie says she'll have to dump me
if I don't take the test.Copy !req
347. Well, we definitely can't have that.Copy !req
348. That's why I'm praying my guts out.Copy !req
349. But I'm not getting an answer.Copy !req
350. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
351. Uh, everything is gonna...Copy !req
352. it's gonna be all right. Uh...Copy !req
353. So... just hang in there.Copy !req
354. Okay, then...Copy !req
355. Don't forget to brush.Copy !req
356. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
357. Lord, Hank Hill here. Methodist.Copy !req
358. Sorry about missing
the homeless prayer service.Copy !req
359. Now, about Bobby...Copy !req
360. I'm pretty sure we're on the same page
about this lama thing.Copy !req
361. I was kind of hoping that you could just
have him fail this test tomorrow...Copy !req
362. you know, like you've had him fail
so many other tests in the past.Copy !req
363. Uh, oh, and, uh, the starving kids, and...Copy !req
364. Gotta go. Amen.Copy !req
365. Hey, Bobby Hill.Copy !req
366. Look, I got a statue of Buddha.Copy !req
367. Separated at birth or what?Copy !req
368. If he picks right,
he gets to keep all those prizes.Copy !req
369. Mm-hmm. Wh-what if he picks wrong?Copy !req
370. Cap Snaffler.Copy !req
371. Snaffles caps off all size jugs,
bottles and jarsCopy !req
372. and it really, really works.Copy !req
373. This is the final test.Copy !req
374. Please, choose an item
you see on this rug.Copy !req
375. I can pick anything I see on this rug?Copy !req
376. Yes.Copy !req
377. I pick Connie.Copy !req
378. - Right there in the mirror.Copy !req
379. Hey, make him pick for real. He cheating.Copy !req
380. There is no cheating.Copy !req
381. The test has been taken.Copy !req
382. He has chosen.Copy !req
383. Oh, Bobby.Copy !req
384. - Phew!Copy !req
385. Do you think maybe I should pick?Copy !req
386. No.Copy !req
387. Hm, pack it up.Copy !req
388. But that was Sanglug's mirror.Copy !req
389. I know. But he didn't pick it.Copy !req
390. But he used it.Copy !req
391. Mmm. Tough call.Copy !req
392. But it's mine, and I made it.Copy !req
393. Yeah, yeah, Buddhist,
whatever, monks.Copy !req