King of the Hill 3x8

Tara Strong as James (voice) • David Herman as Eustis Miller (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice)

All the kids in the neighborhood are going on their first hunt, but Hank is unable to get a hunting license for him and Bobby. Bobby is so upset about being denied the chance at a rite of passage that he starts to regress into acting like a little kid. Hank reluctantly decides to take Bobby hunting at the La Grunta Resort.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. yup.

2. yup.

3. mmm-hmm.

4. See? I told you it wasn't me going through your garbage

5. see? Deer.

6. I guess we owe you an apology,

7. and I guess those were probably deer droppings, too.

8. Probably.

9. Those deer are infiltrating the human quadrant.

10. They've replaced fire ants as the number one ex-urban pest.

11. If everything I know about exterminating is true, which it is,

12. we got to find the queen deer and take her out.

13. Queen deer. I'll bet she's beautiful.

14. And the best part is Joseph's finally old enough to come.

15. Yup, I'm taking my boy on his first hunt

16. the same way my dad took me

17. 25 years ago.

18. , We're not just killing a deer

19. we're killing Joseph's childhood

20. you. I am photographically memorizing your face.

21. look at that.

22. He's staring right back at you.

23. git!

24. ok, hank. You can borrow my tackstar laser sight.

25. Bobby's first hunt,

26. so he'll need the russian night vision goggles.

27. My Joseph's got the bionic ear booster ,

28. and I'll be in charge of the good stuff.

29. Deer wee-wee.

30. Super-premium estrus deer wee-wee.

31. A little dab'll do ya.

32. This is crazy. People used to go hunting,

33. and all they'd need was an orange shirt and a 6-pack.

34. Times have changed, hank.

35. But you'd know all this if you were a hunter.

36. For the love of god, man.

37. You go to church more than you go hunting.

38. You should be ashamed.

39. I'm not ashamed.

40. And I'm glad there's people out there thinning the herd.

41. But if I wanna get sloppy drunk

42. and shoot off guns with a bunch of guys,

43. I'll go to my dad's oscar party.

44. Hank, a hunting trip's not just about

45. getting drunk or shooting deer.

46. It's about getting out in the woods,

47. away from the government,

48. where your paper money's useless,

49. unless you run out of leaves.

50. Where man can let down his guard

51. and share his biggest fears.

52. Dale, you with your guard down is my biggest fear.

53. My biggest fear is that little pointy...

54. Well, I'll save it for the trip.

55. You mean the beetle?

56. Shut up. I was saving that for the trip.

57. don't think of it as a rifle.

58. when the time comes,

59. you think you'll be able to, you know, pull the trigger?

60. Oh, yeah. I don't wanna be the only kid around who doesn't kill a deer.

61. You could get a loser nickname like, I don't know...

62. Pork pockets?

63. More about not killing deer, but, yeah.

64. But we don't have to worry

65. 'cause we'll be hunting with our dads. A team.

66. go get him, bobby.

67. No, we're a team.

68. bobby, I just wanna say that you are perfect, and a man.

69. I don't mean to brag,

70. especially about something that hasn't actually happened yet.

71. what's with the bandages?

72. Luanne fixing to give you another haircut?

73. This is for you and bobby to take on your hunting trip.

74. You'll be ready for cuts, sprains,

75. and I even put in a needle and thread

76. to sew your ear back on after bobby talks it off.

77. Yeah.

78. We'll be gossiping like schoolgirls.

79. And I made a little hunting permit case out of a freezer bag.

80. Give me your permit and I'll stick it in.

81. Well, I haven't really got the permit yet.

82. You didn't buy the permit yet?

83. Hank, what is wrong with you?

84. Nothing. Uh, that reminds me,

85. did you get the batteries for bobby's game boy?

86. And did you pack his backup game boy?

87. Bobby's not bringing toys on this trip.

88. And when was the last time he had 2 whole days to spend

89. just talking with his father?

90. I spend lots of time with bobby.

91. He's there when I eat.

92. He's there when I watch t.v.

93. I've thrown countless balls at him in the backyard.

94. hank,

95. you're scared of being alone with him.

96. I am not.

97. You are scared of your own son.

98. Maybe I am. So what? I don't get him sometimes.

99. The things that come out of his mouth...

100. And he's almost a teenager, so it's just gonna get worse.

101. And I don't know what we're gonna talk about for 2 days.

102. Hell, yes, I'm scared.

103. This is an important milestone

104. on bobby's road to becoming a successful adult.

105. One of the big 3. Age 12: first hunt.

106. Age 16: learns to drive.

107. Age 18: finally turns 18.

108. Give him this milestone, hank,

109. so he can move on to the next and the next

110. and eventually move out of the house.

111. And then you won't have to talk to him at all.

112. All right, fine. I'll get the permit,

113. bobby'll kill the deer, and everyone will live happily ever after.

114. bobby, what are you doing in the master bedroom?

115. The truck's all packed , breakfast is cooked

116. and here's your robe, towel, and toothbrush.

117. ? I'm a traveling man made a lot of stops?

118. ? All over the world?

119. ? And in every port?

120. ? I own the heart of at least one?

121. ? hello, son. What are you doing

122. watching.

123. What does a razor smell like?

124. I bet it smells really good. Like metal.

125. Yeah, huh. Ok.

126. Why don't you wait in the kitchen, bobby?

127. I can't shave and talk at the same time.

128. That's ok. We don't have to talk.

129. hmm, your boy's first buck.

130. I remember my first buck.

131. Took me 6 shots to bring him down, 3 more to finish him off.

132. There was no usable meat left.

133. But what a thrill.

134. , Sug', you're taking away my boy

135. and you're gonna bring him home a man.

136. ] [sniffling

137. and how long is that gonna take exactly?

138. Sorry, babe.

139. You'll have to do without the big "d" for at least 2 nights.

140. ? [music playing on car stereo]

141. dale.

142. John redcorn. You brought back that tea bag I lent you?

143. no. I have something for Joseph.

144. Your first hunting trip is a sacred occasion.

145. The deer you kill will be a relative.

146. You must show your respect for him and all the deer people,

147. first by giving thanks,

148. then by using every part of his body.

149. No prob. We're taking old mister buck right to the rendering plant

150. for sausageification.

151. This hunting knife was given to me

152. by my father, and to him by his father.

153. Now, I pass it along to you.

154. A used knife.

155. Umm...

156. Cool. Thanks.

157. Let me hug my child one last time.

158. Oh, my big boy!

159. About to become my little man.

160. honey, I filled your rifle bag with fruit pies.

161. Your rifle is in your sleeping bag.

162. Thanks, mom.

163. I mean, peggy.

164. let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

165. Just a second.

166. There's one last errand I need to run.

167. What do you need? Mike and ike's?

168. Got you covered.

169. no, I just need to hop on over to the county office

170. and pick up a couple of hunting permits.

171. Don't worry, I'll be right back.

172. ? Can I help you

173. yeah, I'm taking my boy hunting,

174. so I need a couple of permits.

175. Oh, and one of those "don't mess with texas" bumper stickers.

176. No more deer permits this year.

177. Why not? They haven't all been shot.

178. I caught one picking through my garbage like this was new york city.

179. I know. They're a real nuisance.

180. They're eating everything in sight.

181. Of course. There's too many deer and not enough food.

182. Issue more permits or they'll all starve.

183. Yeah, sorry.

184. We had to limit it to 400 this year.

185. Only way to get the environmentalists off their hunger strike.

186. So you're telling me my boy can't go hunting

187. because you wouldn't let a couple of twig boys starve?

188. Forget number 6.

189. You're now serving nonsense.

190. Good luck on your hunting trip, bobby.

191. Thanks.

192. Just so you know, I'm leaving a boy,

193. I'm coming back a man.

194. You're lucky. I'm leaving a girl, and coming back a man.

195. hey, kahn jr.! I'm in the car.

196. You ride shotgun.

197. And don't forget raisin bagels.

198. They're in my briefcase.

199. All right, everyone, let's go.

200. Uh, guys, why don't you go on ahead?

201. Bobby, hop in.

202. bobby, uh, there's something I want to tell you.

203. no, me first.

204. I know I'm about to be a man, dad.

205. So I wanted to take this last chance

206. to tell you how much I love you.

207. you might want to take this last chance to cry, too.

208. Because we're not going.

209. you see that?

210. He's already practicing up for next season.

211. I tell you what, peggy , with this extra year under his belt,

212. he's not only gonna be a man, he's gonna be a superman.

213. How do you like that?

214. Our son, a superman.

215. you have no clue, do you?

216. Would you look at him?

217. He's at the age where little-boy hormones get violent.

218. They don't call them nice, quiet, well-behaved hormones.

219. They're raging, hank!

220. He has a chemical need to kill.

221. I was counting on you to channel that need away from humans.

222. I'll be locking my bedroom door tonight.

223. So please be in by 10:00 p.m.

224. Red dog one, this is red dog three.

225. Do you copy? Over.

226. Ten-four, red dog three.

227. damn inferior soviet surplus merchandise.

228. Never does what it's supposed to.

229. Or maybe it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do.

230. Maybe it just bounced a signal

231. off a satellite to an attack sub

232. in the gulf of mexico whose mission is to read our brain waves.

233. That's my boy!

234. I was about to say precisely the same thing.

235. Except the sub's in lake superior.

236. what are you doing, bobby?

237. Nothing.

238. There's a spider in the kitchen.

239. Would you like to come kill it?

240. No, thanks.

241. Ok, then.

242. hank! Hank, wake up.

243. I just want to tell you that I'm learning more about

244. how you destroyed bobby's life.

245. I searched through my old social studies files, and look what I found.

246. In a tribe in papua new guinea,

247. a boy who misses out o n a rite of passage,

248. in their case, killing a missionary, remains a boy forever.

249. He will never become a man.

250. This is a report by a 7th-grader. And it only got a "c."

251. I have backup. Look at this 4th-grade word find

252. about the huron indians' rites of passage.

253. "madness"?

254. When a little huron indian boy wants to achieve manhood

255. but he fails to kill an elk, he will get physically ill

256. and then go stark raving mad.

257. Well, I did see bobby talking to the Mrs. Butterworth bottle.

258. But I didn't think it was strange at the time.

259. hey, hank,

260. could you give me a hand carrying this out to my s.u.v?

261. Eustace? I've never seen you in here before.

262. Finally decided to make the switch to propane, huh?

263. You know, I think you'll find it's the perfect choice for all your heating—

264. Thanks, but we use passive solar.

265. The propane's for cooking randy's deer, once he kills it, of course.

266. What? You're gonna take that son of yours hunting?

267. Oh, I've got to. It's a rite of passage.

268. At least, that's the feeling in my men's group.

269. That's why I'm not taking any chances

270. la grunta.

271. The la grunta hotel and resort does a hunt every year.

272. They take care of everything.

273. Guns, permits, apres hunt wine-tasting.

274. Permits?

275. "cushioned shooting stands, heated blinds with automatic corn feeders."

276. That's not hunting.

277. That's shooting fish in a barrel.

278. you want to ride bikes with me?

279. ok.

280. which brings us to the trilateral commission.

281. Ironically named, because there's actually 4—

282. Dad, I think I hear a deer.

283. I'd better go have a look.

284. thanks.

285. nice throw, dad.

286. Nice shot, son.

287. We make a great team, don't we?

288. yup.

289. The gribble doesn't fall far from the tree.

290. bobby!

291. Bobby, stop playing dead.

292. Get up before someone sees you.

293. What was that? Dad, is that you?

294. Everything's so dim.

295. Bobby, get up.

296. I'm not gonna make it.

297. You are not injured.

298. The gold is buried...

299. it's buried...

300. stand up.

301. Bobby, look what I got.

302. I got shot in a holdup.

303. What?

304. He's fine, connie.

305. He had an allergic reactio n to a fruit pie, that's all

306. that's it.

307. Hell, yeah. Look at that beaut.

308. How about this kid, hank?

309. Excuse me. How about this man?

310. Look at me.

311. Everybody's got a deer and I don't.

312. everything looks so christmassy.

313. Now I know how the jewish kids feel.

314. bobby, how would you like to trade in that cowboy costume

315. for a hunting permit?

316. What? Do you mean it? You got a permit?

317. I got better than a permit.

318. I got la grunta.

319. This is fancy. Where do the deer stay?

320. They don't keep the deer in the hotel.

321. God! I hope they don't.

322. Hi, I'm beverly la grunta. No relation.

323. ? Can I help you

324. uh, we're here to deer hunt.

325. Wonderful! The shuttle leaves in a half an hour.

326. It's $400 for two.

327. Will that be cash or credit?

328. $400?

329. Uh, hey, bobby, look at all this other stuff.

330. We could golf or swim with a dolphin.

331. Can I hunt it?

332. Uh, it doesn't say. Hey, here you go. "museum of miniatures."

333. $40 and worth every penny, if you ask me.

334. Don't get upset, now.

335. I was just testing you.

336. you passed.

337. (boy) hey, bobby!

338. Look at my deer.

339. He shot it all by himself

340. they wrapped it at the gift shop.

341. it's beautiful

342. boy, you said it.

343. Now, careful when you walk.

344. Deer can hear the rhythmic pattern of human footsteps.

345. Gotcha!

346. there's an open stand in pasture 2 with your name on it.

347. That'd be hill, right?

348. I will never forget this moment, dad.

349. It's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

350. When I'm a man, do I still get my allowance

351. or do I get up to minimum wage?

352. Well, son, now that you're gonna be a man,

353. you're gonna have more responsibilities,

354. and maybe you do deserve a little more each week.

355. yup.

356. yup!

357. I think I'm gonna shoot the one on the left.

358. ? What do you think, dad

359. uh, I don't think you have to whisper anymore, bobby.

360. squeeze, don't pull.

361. this isn't right, is it, dad?

362. No, it isn't, son.

363. I'm sorry, bobby.

364. I guess I really let you down, didn't I?

365. It's ok. I know you didn't mean for it to be this horrible.

366. You know, there's plenty of worse things

367. than getting to hold o n to your boyhood

368. for a whole other year

369. and by holding on to your boyhood, I don't mean—

370. I know, dad. I know.

371. Look at it this way. This gives me an extra year

372. to learn from the man I'd most like to be like

373. when I finally become a man.

374. ] [sighs

375. damn it, bobby! This just ain't right.

376. You're 12 years old. You're a good son.

377. You deserve better than this.

378. I'm gonna skip you ahead one whole milestone.

379. I'm gonna let you drive my truck.

380. What?

381. You heard me. Well, come on.

382. Grab some wheel.

383. I don't believe it! I'm in your seat!

384. Believe it, bobby.

385. It's real, and it's really happening.

386. Now, you gotta reach the pedals.

387. and now, we'll fix your mirror.

388. Ok, start her up.

389. Now, that's the gear shift, and that's the brake.

390. And, well, you've seen the movies.

391. You know how it works. Let's go.

392. keep it steady. That's good.

393. This is so cool.

394. I'm driving the hell out of this truck , aren't I, dad?

395. You sure are, son. You sure are.

396. brake! No!

397. ! oh, no

398. I hit a deer with your truck.

399. Oh, god!

400. Yeah. Yeah, you did.

401. And it's a good, clean kill.

402. Yup, a good kill.

403. Oh, they're home.

404. You should have seen it, peggy.

405. It came out of the woods, and charged right at us.

406. But bobby took care of it. No problem.

407. Didn't you, boy?

408. I mean, man.

409. Oh, my son. My big, strong, normal son

410. nice going, bobby.

411. Would you look at the rack on that thing?

412. Mmm-hmm. There's your sausage parts , right there.

413. Nice going, bobby.

414. way to go, bobby!

415. yeah!

416. I couldn't have done it without my dad.

417. yup.

418. I'm driving the hell out of this truck!