1. Yep.
Copy !req
2. Yep.
Copy !req
3. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
4. See? I told you it wasn't me
going through your garbage. See?
Copy !req
5. Deer.
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6. I guess we owe you an apology
Copy !req
7. and I guess those were probably
deer droppings, too.
Copy !req
8. Probably.
Copy !req
9. Those deer are infiltrating
the human quadrant.
Copy !req
10. They've replaced fire ants
as the number one exurban pest.
Copy !req
11. If everything I know
about exterminating is true
Copy !req
12. which it is
Copy !req
13. we got to find the queen deer
and take her out.
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14. Queen deer.
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15. I'll bet she's beautiful.
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16. And the best part is.
Copy !req
17. Joseph's finally old enough to come.
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18. Yep. I'm taking my boy on his first hunt
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19. the same way my dad took me 25 years ago.
Copy !req
20. We're not just killing a deer.
Copy !req
21. We're killing Joseph's childhood.
Copy !req
22. You… I am photographically
memorizing your face.
Copy !req
23. Huh, look at that.
He's staring right back at you.
Copy !req
24. Okay, Hank, you can borrow
my Tacstar laser sight.
Copy !req
25. It's Bobby's first hunt so he'll need
the Russian night-vision goggles.
Copy !req
26. My Joseph's got the bionic ear booster
Copy !req
27. and I'll be in charge of the good stuff…
Copy !req
28. Deer wee-wee…
Copy !req
29. Super premium estrus deer wee-wee.
Copy !req
30. A little dab'll do you.
Copy !req
31. This is crazy, people used to go hunting
Copy !req
32. all they'd need was an orange shirt
and a six-pack.
Copy !req
33. Times have changed, Hank.
Copy !req
34. But you'd know all this
if you were a hunter.
Copy !req
35. For the love of God, man.
Copy !req
36. You go to church more than you go hunting.
Copy !req
37. You should be ashamed.
Copy !req
38. I'm not ashamed,
Copy !req
39. and I'm glad there's people
out there thinning the herd
Copy !req
40. but if I want to get sloppy drunk
and shoot off guns with a bunch of guys.
Copy !req
41. I'll go to my dad's Oscar party.
Copy !req
42. Hank, a hunting trip's not just about
getting drunk or shooting deer,
Copy !req
43. it's about getting out in the woods
away from the government
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44. where your paper money's useless
unless you run out of leaves
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45. where a man can let down his guard
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46. and share his biggest fears.
Copy !req
47. Dale, you with your guard down
is my biggest fear.
Copy !req
48. My biggest fear is that little pointy…
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49. Well, I'll save it for the trip.
Copy !req
50. - You mean the Beetle?
- Shut up.
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51. I was saving that for the trip.
Copy !req
52. Don't think of it as a rifle.
Copy !req
53. Think of it as a part of your body
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54. that fires bullets.
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55. When the time comes,
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56. do you think you'll be able to
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57. you know, pull the trigger?
Copy !req
58. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
59. I don't want to be the only kid around
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60. who doesn't kill a deer.
Copy !req
61. You could get a loser nickname like…
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62. I don't know…
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63. Pork pockets?
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64. More about not killing deer, but yeah…
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65. But we don't have to worry
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66. 'cause we'll be hunting with our dads.
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67. A team.
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68. Go get him, Bobby. No. We're a team.
Copy !req
69. Bobby, I just want to say
that you are perfect
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70. and a man.
Copy !req
71. I don't mean to brag
Copy !req
72. especially about something
that hasn't actually happened yet.
Copy !req
73. What's with the bandages?
Copy !req
74. Luanne fixing to give you another haircut?
Copy !req
75. This is for you and Bobby
to take on your hunting trip.
Copy !req
76. You'll be ready for cuts, sprains,
Copy !req
77. and I even put in a needle and thread
to sew your ear back on
Copy !req
78. after Bobby talks it off.
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79. Yeah
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80. we'll be gossiping like schoolgirls.
Copy !req
81. And I made a little hunting permit case
Copy !req
82. out of a freezer bag.
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83. Give me your permit and I'll stick it in.
Copy !req
84. Well, uh, I haven't really
got the permit yet.
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85. You didn't buy the permit yet?
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86. Hank, what is wrong with you?
Copy !req
87. Nothing. Uh, that reminds me.
Copy !req
88. Did you get the batteries
for Bobby's game boy?
Copy !req
89. And did you pack his backup game boy?
Copy !req
90. Bobby's not bringing toys on this trip.
Copy !req
91. And when was the last time
he had two whole days
Copy !req
92. to spend just talking with his father?
Copy !req
93. I spend lots of time with Bobby.
Copy !req
94. He's there when I eat,
he's there when I watch TV.
Copy !req
95. I've thrown countless balls
at him in the backyard.
Copy !req
96. Hank, you're scared
of being alone with him.
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97. I am not.
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98. You are scared of your own son.
Copy !req
99. Maybe I am. So what?
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100. I don't get him sometimes
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101. the things that come out of his mouth
Copy !req
102. and he's almost a teenager
so it's just going to get worse,
Copy !req
103. and I don't know what we're going
to talk about for two days and…
Copy !req
104. Hell, yes, I'm scared.
Copy !req
105. This is an important milestone
Copy !req
106. on Bobby's road to becoming
a successful adult…
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107. One of the big three…
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108. Age 12, first hunt.
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109. Age 16, learns to drive.
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110. Age 18, finally turns 18.
Copy !req
111. Give him this milestone, Hank,
Copy !req
112. so he can move on to the next and the next
Copy !req
113. and eventually move out of the house.
Copy !req
114. And then you won't have
to talk to him at all.
Copy !req
115. All right, fine.
Copy !req
116. I'll get the permit,
Bobby'll kill the deer,
Copy !req
117. and everyone'll live happily ever after.
Copy !req
118. Wha… Huh…
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119. Bobby…
Copy !req
120. What are you doing in the master bedroom?
Copy !req
121. The truck's all packed,
breakfast is cooked,
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122. and here's your robe,
towel and toothbrush.
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123. Uh, hello, son.
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124. What are you doing?
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125. Watching.
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126. What does a razor smell like?
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127. I bet it smells really good.
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128. - Like metal.
- Yeah…
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129. Uh… Okay…
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130. Why don't you wait in the kitchen, Bobby?
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131. I can't shave and talk at the same time.
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132. That's okay.
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133. We don't have to talk.
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134. Hmm. A boy's first buck.
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135. I remember my first buck.
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136. Took me six shots to bring him down
Copy !req
137. three more to finish him off.
Copy !req
138. There was no useable meat left,
but what a thrill.
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139. Oh, sug, you're taking away my boy
Copy !req
140. and you're going to bring him home a man.
Copy !req
141. And how long is that
going to take… exactly.
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142. Sorry, babe.
Copy !req
143. You'll have to do without the big "D"
for at least two nights.
Copy !req
144. - Dale…
- John Redcorn.
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145. You brought back that tea bag I lent you?
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146. No. I have something for Joseph.
Copy !req
147. Your first hunting trip
is a sacred occasion.
Copy !req
148. The deer you kill will be your relative.
Copy !req
149. You must show your respect for him
Copy !req
150. and all the deer people…
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151. First, by giving thanks
Copy !req
152. then… by using every part of his body.
Copy !req
153. No prob. We're taking ol' Mr. Buck
Copy !req
154. right to the rendering plant
for sausage-ification.
Copy !req
155. This hunting knife was given to me
by my father
Copy !req
156. and to him, by his father
Copy !req
157. and now, I pass it along to you.
Copy !req
158. A used knife.
Copy !req
159. Um…
Copy !req
160. Cool. Thanks.
Copy !req
161. Let me hug my child one last time.
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162. Oh, my big boy
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163. about to become my little man.
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164. Honey, I filled your rifle bag
with fruit pies.
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165. Your rifle is in your sleeping bag.
Copy !req
166. Thanks, mom.
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167. I mean… Peggy.
Copy !req
168. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Copy !req
169. Just a second.
There's one last errand I need to run.
Copy !req
170. What do you need? Mike and Ike's?
Copy !req
171. Got you covered.
Copy !req
172. No. I just need to hop on over
to the county office
Copy !req
173. and pick up a couple of hunting permits.
Copy !req
174. Don't worry. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
175. - Can I help you?
- Yeah. I'm taking my boy hunting
Copy !req
176. so I need a couple of permits.
Copy !req
177. Oh, and, uh, one of those, uh…
Copy !req
178. "Don't mess with Texas" bumper stickers.
Copy !req
179. No more deer permits this year.
Copy !req
180. Well, why not? They haven't all been shot.
Copy !req
181. I caught one picking through my garbage
like this was New York City.
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182. I know. They're a real nuisance.
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183. They're eating everything in sight.
Copy !req
184. Well, of course.
There's too many deer and not enough food.
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185. Issue more permits or they'll all starve.
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186. Yeah. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
187. We had to limit it to 400 this year.
Copy !req
188. It was the only way
we could get the environmentalists
Copy !req
189. off their hunger strike.
Copy !req
190. So you're telling me
my boy can't go hunting
Copy !req
191. because you wouldn't let
a couple of twig boys starve?
Copy !req
192. Forget number "six."
Copy !req
193. You're now serving nonsense.
Copy !req
194. Good luck on your hunting trip, Bobby.
Copy !req
195. Thanks. Just so you know,
Copy !req
196. I'm leaving a boy…
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197. I'm coming back a man.
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198. You're lucky.
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199. I'm leaving a girl and coming back a man.
Copy !req
200. Hey, Kahn Jr., I'm in the car.
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201. You ride shotgun.
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202. And don't forget raisin bagels.
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203. They're in my briefcase.
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204. All right, everyone, let's go.
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205. Uh, guys, why don't you go on ahead?
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206. Bobby, hop in.
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207. Bobby, uh
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208. there's something I want to tell you.
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209. No. Me first.
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210. I know I'm about to be a man, dad.
Copy !req
211. So I wanted to take this last chance
Copy !req
212. to tell you how much I love you.
Copy !req
213. You might want to take
this last chance to cry, too
Copy !req
214. because we're not going.
Copy !req
215. You see that? He's already
practicing up for next season.
Copy !req
216. I tell you what, Peggy,
with this extra year under his belt
Copy !req
217. he's not only going to be a man,
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218. he's going to be a super man.
Copy !req
219. How do you like that?
Our son, a super man.
Copy !req
220. You have no clue, do you?
Copy !req
221. Would you Look at him?
Copy !req
222. He's at the age where little boy
hormones get violent.
Copy !req
223. They don't call them nice,
quiet well-behaved hormones.
Copy !req
224. They're raging, Hank!
Copy !req
225. He has a chemical need to kill.
Copy !req
226. I was counting on you to channel that need
Copy !req
227. away from humans.
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228. I'll be locking my bedroom door tonight
Copy !req
229. so please, be in by 10:00.
Copy !req
230. Red dog one, this is red dog three.
Do you copy? Over.
Copy !req
231. Ten-four, red dog three.
Copy !req
232. Oh, damn inferior Soviet
surplus merchandise.
Copy !req
233. Never does what it's supposed to.
Copy !req
234. Or maybe it's doing exactly
what it's supposed to do.
Copy !req
235. Maybe it just bounced
a signal off a satellite
Copy !req
236. to an attack sub in the Gulf of Mexico
Copy !req
237. whose mission is to read our brain waves.
Copy !req
238. That's my boy.
Copy !req
239. I was about to say precisely
the same thing
Copy !req
240. except the sub's in lake superior.
Copy !req
241. What are you doing, Bobby?
Copy !req
242. Nothing.
Copy !req
243. There's a spider in the kitchen.
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244. Would you like to come kill it?
Copy !req
245. No, thanks.
Copy !req
246. Okay, then.
Copy !req
247. Hank. Hank, wake up.
Copy !req
248. I just want to tell you
that I'm learning more
Copy !req
249. about how you destroyed Bobby's life.
Copy !req
250. I searched through
my old social studies files
Copy !req
251. and look what I found.
Copy !req
252. In a tribe in Papua New Guinea,
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253. a boy who misses out on a rite of passage,
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254. in their case, killing a missionary,
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255. remains a boy forever.
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256. He will never become a man.
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257. This is a report by a seventh-grader
Copy !req
258. and it only got a "C."
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259. I have backup.
Copy !req
260. Look at this fourth-grade word find
Copy !req
261. about the Huron Indians' rites of passage.
Copy !req
262. - Madness?
- When a little Huron Indian boy
Copy !req
263. wants to achieve manhood
but he fails to kill an elk,
Copy !req
264. he will get physically ill
and then go stark raving mad.
Copy !req
265. Well, I did see Bobby talking
Copy !req
266. to the Mrs. Butterworth Bottle,
Copy !req
267. but I didn't think it was strange
at the time.
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268. Hey, uh, Hank?
Copy !req
269. Could you give me a hand
carrying this out to my SUV?
Copy !req
270. Eustis, I've never seen you
in here before.
Copy !req
271. Finally decided to make
the switch to propane, huh?
Copy !req
272. You know, I think you'll find
Copy !req
273. it's the perfect choice for all your…
Copy !req
274. Uh, thanks, but we use passive solar.
Copy !req
275. No, the propane's
for cooking Randy's deer
Copy !req
276. once he kills it, of course.
Copy !req
277. What? You're going to take
that son of yours hunting?
Copy !req
278. Oh, I've got to. It's a rite of passage…
Copy !req
279. At least that's the feeling
in my men's group.
Copy !req
280. That's why I'm not taking any chances.
Copy !req
281. Lagrunta.
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282. The Lagrunta hotel and resort
does a hunt every year.
Copy !req
283. They take care of everything
Copy !req
284. guns, permits, apres hunt wine tasting.
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285. "Permits? Cushioned shooting stands
Copy !req
286. heated blinds
with automatic corn feeders."
Copy !req
287. Well, that's not hunting.
Copy !req
288. That's shooting fish in a barrel.
Copy !req
289. Oh, they… they have that, too.
Copy !req
290. You want to ride bikes with me?
Copy !req
291. Okay.
Copy !req
292. Which brings us
to the trilateral commission.
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293. Ironically named
because there's actually four…
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294. Dad, I think I hear a deer.
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295. I better go have a look.
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296. Thanks.
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297. Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
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298. Nice throw, dad.
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299. Nice shot, son.
Copy !req
300. We make a great team, don't we?
Copy !req
301. Yep, the gribble doesn't fall
far from the tree.
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302. Bobby!
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303. Bobby, stop playing dead!
Copy !req
304. Get up before someone sees you.
Copy !req
305. What was that?
Copy !req
306. Dad, is that you?
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307. Everything's so dim.
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308. Bobby, get up.
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309. I'm not going to make it.
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310. You're not injured.
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311. The gold is buried
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312. it's buried…
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313. Stand up.
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314. Hey, Bobby! Look what I got.
Copy !req
315. Yee-ha!
Copy !req
316. I got shot in a holdup.
Copy !req
317. - What?
- He's fine, Connie.
Copy !req
318. He had an allergic reaction
to a fruit pie, that's all.
Copy !req
319. Hell, yeah. Look at that beaut.
Copy !req
320. How about this kid, Hank?
Copy !req
321. Excuse me. How about this, man?
Copy !req
322. Look at me.
Copy !req
323. Everybody's got a deer, and I don't.
Copy !req
324. Everything looks so Christmasy.
Copy !req
325. Now I know how the Jewish kids feel!
Copy !req
326. Bobby, how'd you like to trade
in that cowboy costume
Copy !req
327. for a hunting permit?
Copy !req
328. What? Do you mean it?
Copy !req
329. You got a permit?
Copy !req
330. I got better than a permit.
Copy !req
331. I got Lagrunta.
Copy !req
332. This is fancy. Where do the deer stay?
Copy !req
333. They don't keep the deer in the hotel.
Copy !req
334. God, I hope they don't.
Copy !req
335. Hi, I'm Beverly Lagrunta, no relation.
Copy !req
336. Can I help you?
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337. Uh, we're here to deer hunt.
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338. Wonderful.
The shuttle leaves in a half an hour.
Copy !req
339. It's 400 dollars for two.
Copy !req
340. Will that be cash or credit?
Copy !req
341. Four hundred dollars?
Copy !req
342. Uh, hey, Bobby,
Copy !req
343. look at all this other stuff.
Copy !req
344. We could golf or swim with a dolphin.
Copy !req
345. - Can I hunt it?
- Uh, it doesn't say.
Copy !req
346. Hey, here you go…
"Museum of Miniatures."
Copy !req
347. Forty dollars and worth every penny
if you ask me.
Copy !req
348. Don't get upset, now.
Copy !req
349. I was just testing you.
Copy !req
350. You passed.
Copy !req
351. Hey, Bobby!
Copy !req
352. Look at my deer!
Copy !req
353. He shot it all by himself.
Copy !req
354. They wrapped it at the gift shop.
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355. It's beautiful.
Copy !req
356. Boy, you said it.
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357. Now, careful when you walk.
Copy !req
358. Deer can hear the rhythmic pattern
of human footsteps.
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359. Gotcha.
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360. There's an open stand in pasture two
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361. with your name on it.
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362. That'd be Hill, right?
Copy !req
363. I will never forget this moment, dad.
Copy !req
364. It's the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
Copy !req
365. When I'm a man,
do I still get my allowance
Copy !req
366. or do I get upped to minimum wage?
Copy !req
367. Well, son, now that you're going
Copy !req
368. to be a man, you're going to have
more responsibilities
Copy !req
369. and maybe you do deserve
a little more each week.
Copy !req
370. Yep.
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371. Yep.
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372. I think I'm going to shoot
the one on the left.
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373. What do you think, dad?
Copy !req
374. Uh, I don't think you have
to whisper anymore, Bobby.
Copy !req
375. Squeeze, don't pull.
Copy !req
376. This isn't right, is it, dad?
Copy !req
377. No, it isn't, son.
Copy !req
378. I'm sorry, Bobby.
Copy !req
379. I guess I really let you down, didn't I?
Copy !req
380. It's okay.
Copy !req
381. I know you didn't mean
for it to be this horrible.
Copy !req
382. You know there's plenty of worse things
than getting to hold on
Copy !req
383. to your boyhood for a whole other year,
Copy !req
384. and, uh, by "holding on to your boyhood,"
Copy !req
385. - I don't mean, uh…
- I know, dad. I know.
Copy !req
386. Look at it this way.
Copy !req
387. This gives me an extra year
Copy !req
388. to learn from the man
I'd most like to be like
Copy !req
389. when I finally become a man.
Copy !req
390. Damn it, Bobby, this just ain't right.
Copy !req
391. You're 12 years old, you're a good son,
Copy !req
392. you deserve better than this.
Copy !req
393. I'm going to skip you ahead
one whole milestone.
Copy !req
394. I'm going to let you drive my truck.
Copy !req
395. What?
Copy !req
396. You heard me.
Copy !req
397. Well, come on. Grab some wheel.
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398. I don't believe it!
Copy !req
399. I'm in your seat!
Copy !req
400. Believe it, Bobby.
Copy !req
401. It's real, and it's really happening.
Copy !req
402. Now, you got to reach the pedals.
Copy !req
403. And now we'll fix your mirror.
Copy !req
404. Okay, start her up.
Copy !req
405. Now, that's the gearshift
and that's the brake and…
Copy !req
406. Well, you've seen the movies.
You know how it works. Let's go!
Copy !req
407. Keep it steady.
Copy !req
408. That's good.
Copy !req
409. This is so cool.
Copy !req
410. I'm driving the hell out of this truck,
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411. aren't I, dad?
Copy !req
412. You sure are, son.
Copy !req
413. You sure are.
Copy !req
414. Brake!
Copy !req
415. Oh, no. I hit a deer with your truck.
Copy !req
416. Oh, God!
Copy !req
417. Yeah. Yeah, you did…
Copy !req
418. And, uh… it's a good, clean kill.
Copy !req
419. Yep… a good kill.
Copy !req
420. Oh, they're home.
Copy !req
421. You should have seen it, Peggy.
Copy !req
422. It came out of the woods
and charged right at us,
Copy !req
423. but Bobby took care of it, no problem,
Copy !req
424. didn't you, boy?
Copy !req
425. I mean, man.
Copy !req
426. Oh, my son.
Copy !req
427. My big, strong, normal son.
Copy !req
428. Nice going, Bobby.
Copy !req
429. Would you look at the rack on that thing?
Copy !req
430. There's your sausage parts right there.
Copy !req
431. Nice going, Bobby.
Copy !req
432. - Way to go, Bobby.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
433. I couldn't have done it without my dad.
Copy !req
434. Yep.
Copy !req
435. I'm driving the hell out of this truck.
Copy !req