King of the Hill 3x6

Directed by Tricia Garcia

Kathy Ireland as Sylvia (voice) • Carol Alt as Marci (voice) • Erik Estrada as Mexican Judge (voice) • Maurice LaMarche as (voice) • Mary Kay Place as Helen Pell (voice)

A beauty pageant offers Peggy the chance to win a truck. If she can endure a series of rigorous makeovers to impress the judges.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. here you go, sug'.

2. 2 sugs, right? Uh-huh.

3. They asked me to be the celebrity judge

4. at the Mrs. Heimlich county beauty pageant next week.

5. Mrs.? Wait.

6. Do any women mature enough to have a family

7. really go in for that nonsense?

8. That nonsense, sug', changed my life.

9. It's what got me into television

10. and into hundreds of homes every night as a weather analyst.

11. You'd be surprised at the topnotch prizes at the Mrs. Heimlich.

12. Bath beads?

13. Try a year's lease on a brand-new

14. chevy silverado ltk 1500 pickup truck

15. with a super cab and 270 horsepower, 5.3-liter vortec v-8.

16. I want that truck.

17. Hank, do you think I could win

18. the Mrs. Heimlich pageant if I entered?

19. you see, peggy,

20. that's what you call a loaded question.

21. No matter how I answer,

22. there's a bullet in every chamber

23. designed to blow my brains out.

24. Hank, do you think I can win?

25. Well, uh,

26. I think you're beautiful and smart,

27. and you don't need to enter some pageant to prove it.

28. Hah, you don't think I can win, do you?

29. I didn't say...

30. I just don't think you're the pageant type.

31. Really? Well, let's see.

32. All you have to be is married and over 23

33. well, I've got that covered.

34. So, how would we rate me?

35. Uh, I would say "a" minus,

36. "b" plus,

37. "a" plus,

38. and brains: "a" plus.

39. So with my smarts, and looks, and muchos talentos,

40. well, I think I have a huge edge over these bimbos, hank.

41. I'm gonna enter.

42. The grand priz e is a truck.

43. I have a truck.

44. But I don't.

45. You have a car.

46. Hank, a car is fine, but a truck is a force

47. true.

48. e I can't believ e I'm going to b

49. an actual beauty pageant stylist!

50. oh!

51. I already have some ideas for styling you.

52. I've always wondered what would happen

53. if you let your hair dry naturally.

54. Ok, let's not go crazy, luanne.

55. Remember, we're working together

56. to make the best peggy hill possible.

57. Personally, I think a little lipstick

58. and a pair of nice earrings will win that truck.

59. That's a good-looking truck, hank.

60. d I'm talking about them dang ol

61. s 270 horsepower, man old skid plate

62. and z-71 off-road suspension, man,

63. and dang old k-5, man. Dang.

64. Yeah, all peggy's gotta do to get that truck

65. is to win the Mrs. Heimlich county pageant.

66. y-yep.

67. yep.

68. That's right. Yep.

69. Peggy's gonna win.

70. She's every man's fantasy.

71. Uh, ok, bill, I'll take over from here.

72. I mean, she's got an a-plus brain and an a-minus body

73. but if she wears one of them push-up brassieres,

74. bill!

75. She'll have a body that just won't quit.

76. You like that truck, don't you?

77. Would you like to take it for a test drive?

78. Well, I would not say no.

79. Now here's something

80. a pretty lady like yourself will appreciate:

81. a driver's side vanity mirror.

82. Mmm. I do look good in this truck.

83. So, what's it gonna take for you to buy this truck today?

84. Oh, I'm not planning on buying it.

85. I'm planning on winning it in a beauty contest.

86. Test drive's over.

87. excuse me, y'all, before we get started,

88. if there is anybody here not connected to the pageant,

89. could you please leave now?

90. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

91. Um, I'd like to welcome you all

92. to the Mrs. Heimlich county beauty pageant.

93. In a couple of minutes,

94. you'll get the chance to meet your fellow contestants.

95. But before you do,

96. , the reigning Mrs. Heimlich

97. cathy shears, would like to say a few words.

98. what a long, strange, beautiful trip it's been.

99. And next week, I will add the word "sad" to that list

100. because I'll be handing over this crown

101. to the new mrs. Heimlich county.

102. Peggy hill.

103. well, hello, I'm peggy hill

104. oh, hi, I'm helen pell.

105. So, what does peggy hill do

106. when she's not competing in a beauty pageant?

107. Well, I'm a substitute teacher

108. at tom landry middle school.

109. Oh, really?

110. I teach sciences full-time over at the high school.

111. What do you teach?

112. Espa-nol.

113. I had my 2nd honeymoon in spain.

114. Have you ever gone?

115. No. But it's because I choose not to.

116. You should go. You'll love it!

117. I practically lived there for a couple of months

118. after I graduated from college.

119. That's where I met my husband, the engineer.

120. The kind that drives a train?

121. oh, I'm gonna have to look out for you.

122. You're very congenial.

123. oh, really?

124. who teach as well?

125. Yes, yes, I know. I met them already.

126. And I suppose you're, what,

127. a biochemist or something?

128. Oh, no, no, no

129. I'm a stay-at-home mother.

130. But I have 7 kids,

131. so that's a full-time job in and of itself.

132. Do you have any children?

133. 8.

134. No, I only have one.

135. Well, right now, I'm majoring in philosophy and classical music.

136. Oh, how nice for you.

137. That'll get you a job in a factory when you get out of college.

138. that's what my mom says, too.

139. you do know you have to be 23 years

140. or older to be in this pageant?

141. I am 23.

142. Do you have any children?

143. No, I'm concentrating on my—

144. Oh, well, I have one.

145. Anyway, nice meeting you.

146. Good luck in the pageant.

147. really?

148. she looks so good.

149. Isn't this exciting, aunt peggy?

150. Everyone's so nice

151. mrs. Heimlich county let me try on her crown and sash.

152. Did you know she could pla y the lap steel guitar?

153. , And she only has 9 percent body fat

154. and it's all in her breasts

155. little bobby hill. You rascal, you.

156. mmm.

157. that's when you used to put your food everywhere

158. but in your mouth.

159. I was young. I didn't know any better.

160. Oh, I haven't seen this photo in such a long time.

161. Who is that kissing dad?

162. Well, that's me, honey.

163. Really? You were beautiful

164. were? Oh, bobby, I still am.

165. ok.

166. Bobby, don't you see? When you look at me now,

167. you can't see somebody who's beautiful.

168. You just see a mother.

169. I don't know. I think connie's mom is beautiful.

170. And Mrs. Gribble—

171. All right. All right.

172. Hey, there's me standing

173. next to the world' s largest roadrunner

174. are you still having those nightmares

175. where he pecks out your eyes?

176. I forgot about those.

177. Good.

178. peggy, are you all right?

179. Oh, hank, I can't sleep.

180. boy, cagney and lacey certainly have aged horribly.

181. hank, do you think I'll turn into one of those women

182. you see at the mega lo mart

183. s who wears white stretch pant

184. and doesn't tuck I n her shirt anymore?

185. Not for many, many years.

186. Oh, so you've thought about this?

187. no, not my eyes!

188. I thought he stopped having those nightmares.

189. Come on in, ladies. Take a load off.

190. Thanks.

191. Well, I don't believe I've had the pleasure

192. of meeting this little filly before.

193. Well, yes. Yes, you have.

194. Mmm-hmm. Your daughter?

195. No, she's my niece , luanne.

196. Oh, well, there you go, darling.

197. thank you.

198. now, What can old buck strickland do for you?

199. You said you had some kind of business proposition, did you?

200. Mr. Strickland,

201. for both the beauty contestant

202. and for the business who sponsors the—

203. Say no more. I'll do it.

204. How much do you need?

205. Well, there's the new tennis outfit,

206. make-up, new dress, hair...

207. Uh, we figure around $2,000.

208. Mmm-hmm.

209. Debbie, write me up a company check for $2,000.

210. right away, buck.

211. Oh, thank you, mr. Strickland

212. I will not let you dow n as my sponsor.

213. mrs.?

214. What the hell is she doing here?

215. She is my stylist and, like yourself,

216. a big part of team peggy hill

217. debbie, have you finished writing up that check?

218. yes, buck.

219. Oh, shu— oh.

220. ? Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want?

221. ? So tell me what you want what you really, really want?

222. ? I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want?

223. ? So tell me what you want, what you really, really want?

224. ? I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna?

225. ? If you wanna be my lover?

226. terrific, girls. Mrs. Hill, that was awful.

227. We're gonna go again,

228. and this time I want mrs. Hill to sit this one out

229. and watch me.

230. Raymond, hold my cane.

231. why, nancy, in the words o f billy crystal,

232. "you look wonderful!"

233. thanks, sug'.

234. By the way, I was so excited to hear that you entered the pageant.

235. Really? Oh, thank you.

236. Well, maybe this year

237. p you and I can shake things u

238. a little bit at the mrs.

239. Shake things up how?

240. Well, you know, every year they pick

241. the same type of woman to win.

242. Skinny, big hair, bleached blonde—

243. You mean women like me?

244. Oh, your hair is not bleached, is it?

245. What type of woman

246. do you think should win the pageant, peggy?

247. Well, I'm not a judge,

248. but a married woman, of course.

249. Not just a wife, but a partner.

250. Definitely a mother.

251. Someone who is distinguished by her brain size,

252. not her bra size.

253. Women like you.

254. Well, you said it, I didn't. But, yes.

255. I think women like you shouldn't be in a pageant

256. if you're not prepared to be judged by women like me.

257. We could have shook things up, you and me!

258. hmm.

259. oh!

260. don't you look... smart.

261. Luanne, I think I wanna put some highlights in my hair.

262. oh!

263. You don't think that's a good idea?

264. No, it's a good idea.

265. It's just that highlights was a 2-part class,

266. and I missed both parts.

267. Hey, bozo!

268. Where your clown car, peggy hill?

269. ] [chuckling

270. you look like the ronald mcdonald, you bozo, peggy hill.

271. she so stuck up. Not even say hello.

272. you think your missis will like it?

273. Yes, sir.

274. Well, I hope so.

275. This is the most I've spent on a woman

276. without getting anything in return,

277. if you know what I mean.

278. Uh, don't worry about it, buck.

279. You've backed a winner.

280. She could have smiled, at least.

281. She is smiling

282. if I order by 8:00 tonight,

283. I can have my stretch pants by tomorrow at noon.

284. I could be in them by 1:00.

285. Uh, peggy, why don't you just wait a week,

286. and we can drive over to the mega lo mart

287. and get 'em in your new truck, huh?

288. Yeah, right, my new truck.

289. stop worrying.

290. You've got those fancy stripes in your hair,

291. plus your best friend nancy is the judge.

292. Well, nancy and I are not talking right now.

293. oh.

294. Well, then we just won't let her ride in our new truck, will we?

295. ?

296. ok.

297. uh, hey, dale,

298. peggy baked some extra brownies, and we thought:

299. "you know who might enjoy these?

300. The gribbles." So here you go.

301. ok.

302. oh, and I'm done using my ratchet set,

303. if you wanna borrow it.

304. ? You mean if I wanna keep it

305. borrow it, dale.

306. Just a little reminder , hank:

307. my wife is the judge of your wife's beauty pageant.

308. Keep it?

309. Borrow it, or I'll step over this hedge

310. and kick your ass.

311. Keep—

312. oh, hi. Hello.

313. Excuse me,

314. but I thin k you've mad e a mistake.

315. You're teasing the wrong contestant's hair.

316. It's ok. It happened to me yesterday.

317. Luanne, honey, sit down for a second, please.

318. Now, you are an excellent,

319. excellent amateur stylist.

320. But this is a professional beauty pageant.

321. No, it's an amateu r beauty pageant, aunt peggy.

322. See, luanne?

323. Amateur attitude, amateur performance.

324. That's why I've hired a professional.

325. This is marcie shuett,

326. stylist to 3 pageant winners.

327. Oh, my god!

328. You're firing me as your stylist.

329. No. You will still be a very important part of team peggy hill

330. but in a much, much smaller capacity.

331. luanne—

332. see? that's the amateur attitude I was talking about earlier.

333. All right. All right. Hmm.

334. Let me get a look at you.

335. Ok, now turn around.

336. Can you save this?

337. this will be my greatest challenge yet.

338. and the winner

339. of the Mrs. Heimlich county beauty pageant:

340. peggy hill!

341. so what do you think?

342. whoa, mom,

343. you look like you could star in a headache commercial.

344. Ladybird, ladybird , stop barking.

345. It's me, it's peggy.

346. Hank, you haven't said anything.

347. Uh, you look...

348. Bobby, will you please take ladybird outside?

349. uh,

350. Gee, look at you.

351. Yeah, I'd—I'd kiss you,

352. but it'd feel like I was cheating on you

353. with another woman if I did.

354. Well, now's your chance to cheat on me, hank.

355. I promise I won't tell peggy.

356. Uh, there.

357. boy, look at me. I'm having an affair.

358. ? If you ever get employed?

359. ? And you think it is destroyed?

360. ? I love to work at nothing all day?

361. ? And you've been taking care of business every day?

362. ? Taking care of business in every way?

363. ? ? Taking care of business

364. ? It's all right?

365. ? ? Taking care of business

366. ? Working overtime, workout?

367. ?

368. you were so right about the eyeliner.

369. Oh, god, what was I thinking?

370. Dang, I wish we had a picture of you

371. looking this good for the flier.

372. Spilt milk. Spilt milk yeah.

373. Did you get the brownies

374. ? I baked for you as a friend, nancy

375. yes, I did , Mrs. Hill.

376. Shall we proceed?

377. We're running a little behin d schedule.

378. It says here in your application that you speak spanish.

379. Mmm-hmm.

380. peggy hill.

381. ?

382. luanne, I just spent 2 hours

383. picking one of peggy's shoes out of that disposal.

384. I'm beginning to think it wasn't an accident.

385. Uh, why aren't you at the pageant?

386. Peggy went with buck strickland. I'm going a little later.

387. did she fire you, too?

388. Because, you know, she fired me.

389. I heard you were still an important part of team peggy hill.

390. I know you're feeling a little miffed.

391. But you have to understand your aunt has always had

392. a lot of confidence about her looks, which is good.

393. But now she's got herself in kind of a bind.

394. She's either got to admit to herself

395. she can't win the truck, and quit,

396. or stay in the pageant and, well, probably lose.

397. Either way, it's gonna hurt.

398. Well, I guess I should feel bad for her,

399. but I don't.

400. well, this won't work.

401. I cannot go out there like this.

402. Is there something wrong?

403. yes. All of a sudden,

404. my butt looks like it's dragging on the floor.

405. Will you fix it? Fix it!

406. hmm.

407. Do you have any duct tape, mrs. Hill?

408. I used it all on my feet.

409. Mr. Strickland.

410. Yeah.

411. ? We need duct tape. Silver or gray

412. silver.

413. All-purpose or premium grade?

414. Aw, what the hell, I'm already in thi s for $2,000.

415. What's another $0.90?

416. tighter. Come on.

417. ladies, to the stage.

418. Come on now. Let's go, y'all.

419. Oh, where's my half jacket?

420. I need my half jacket.

421. That's what makes this an ensemble, the half jacket.

422. ! oh

423. oh, come on, peggy.

424. You know how to put on a jacket.

425. pageant contestant s across the street.

426. Come on, girls, hurry. Watch your step.

427. ok.

428. no!

429. well, I guess this wasn't premium, you cheap bastard.

430. helen, by any chance, do you have any spare tape?

431. My ass has come loose.

432. I'm sure it's just the humidity.

433. Peggy, I-I've got to go inside.

434. I also think I should tell you

435. that you forgo t to put on your shoes.

436. oh, no, no, no! This is not good.

437. ? like the truck

438. hank?

439. Wh-what are you doing?

440. Well, I figured

441. since you were only doing this for the truck,

442. I'd save you the trouble.

443. Honey, you bought us a new truck?

444. No, I painted my old one.

445. well, she's beautiful!

446. Yeah, but she was before

447. are those new shoes?

448. Uh, 'cause I like 'em.

449. I'm glad you're letting me dye your hair

450. back to its normal color, aunt peggy.

451. Well, even if you don't, luanne,

452. that is ok, too.

453. Ok, here it goes.

454. oh, no!

455. Oh, don't you worry, luanne.

456. We will get this right soon enough, huh?

457. ?