King of the Hill 3x6

Directed by Tricia Garcia

Kathy Ireland as Sylvia (voice) • Carol Alt as Marci (voice) • Erik Estrada as Mexican Judge (voice) • Maurice LaMarche as (voice) • Mary Kay Place as Helen Pell (voice)

A beauty pageant offers Peggy the chance to win a truck. If she can endure a series of rigorous makeovers to impress the judges.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Here you go, shug.

2. - Two sugs, right? - Uh-huh.

3. They asked me to be the celebrity judge

4. at the Mrs. Heimlich County beauty pageant next week.

5. "Mrs."? Wait. Do any women mature enough to have a family

6. really go in for that nonsense?

7. That nonsense, shug, changed my life.

8. It's what got me into television

9. and into hundreds of homes every night as a weather analyst.

10. And you'd be surprised at the top-notch prizes at the Mrs. Heimlich.

11. Bath beads?

12. Try a year's lease on a brand-new Chevy Silverado.

13. LT-K-1500 pickup truck

14. with a super cab and 270 horsepower,

15. 5.3 liter Vortec V-8.

16. I want that truck.

17. Hank… Do you think I could win the Mrs. Heimlich pageant if I entered?

18. You see, Peggy, that's what you call a loaded question.

19. No matter how I answer, there's a bullet in every chamber

20. designed to blow my brains out.

21. Hank, do you think I can win?

22. Well, uh… I… think you're beautiful and smart,

23. and you don't need to enter some pageant to prove it.

24. Hm. You don't think I can win, do you?

25. I didn't say… I…

26. I just don't think you're the pageant type.

27. Really. Well, let's see.

28. All you have to be is married and over 23.

29. Well, I've got that covered.

30. So, how would we rate me?

31. Uh… I would say, face… A-minus,

32. body… B-plus,

33. personality… A-plus,

34. and brains… A-plus.

35. So with my smarts and looks and muchos talentos,

36. well, I think I have a huge edge over these bimbos, huh, Hank?

37. I'm going to enter.

38. The grand prize is a truck.

39. I have a truck.

40. But I don't.

41. You have a car.

42. Hank, a car is fine, but a truck is a force.

43. True.

44. I can't believe I'm going to be an actual beauty pageant stylist.

45. Oh, I already have some ideas for styling you.

46. I've always wondered what would happen if you let your hair dry naturally.

47. Okay, let's not go crazy, Luanne.

48. Remember, we're working together to make the best Peggy Hill possible.

49. Personally, I think a little lipstick and a pair of nice earrings

50. will win that truck.

51. That's a good-looking truck, Hank.

52. Yeah, man, we're talkin' about 'em dang ol'

53. 270 horsepower, man. Skid plate package Z-71

54. off-road suspension, man,

55. that dang ol' K-1-5, man. Dang.

56. Yeah. All Peggy's got to do to get that truck

57. is to win the Mrs. Heimlich County Pageant.

58. Uh, y-yep.

59. Yep.

60. That's right. "Yep."

61. Peggy's going to win.

62. She's every man's fantasy.

63. Okay, Bill, I'll take over from here.

64. I mean, she's got an A-plus brain and an A-minus body,

65. but if she wears one of them push-up brassieres…

66. Bill!

67. She'll have a body that just won't quit.

68. You like that truck, don't you?

69. Would you like to take it for a test drive?

70. Well, I would not say no.

71. Now, here's something a pretty lady like yourself

72. will appreciate

73. a driver's side vanity mirror.

74. Mmm, I do look good in this truck.

75. So, what's it going to take for you to buy this truck

76. today?

77. Oh, I'm not planning on buying it.

78. I'm planning on winning it in a beauty contest.

79. Test drive's over.

80. Excuse me, uh, y'all.

81. Before we get started,

82. if there is anybody here not connected to the pageant,

83. could you please leave now?

84. Mm.

85. Um, I'd like to welcome you all

86. to the Mrs. Heimlich County beauty pageant.

87. In a couple of minutes, you'll get the chance to meet

88. your fellow contestants. But before you do,

89. the reigning Mrs. Heimlich, Cathy Shears

90. would like to say a few words.

91. What a long, strange, beautiful trip it's been.

92. And next week, I will add the word "sad" to that list

93. because I will be handing over this crown to the new Mrs. Heimlich County.

94. Peggy Hill.

95. Well, hello. I'm Peggy Hill.

96. Oh, hi. I'm Helen Pell.

97. So, what does Peggy Hill do

98. when she's not competing in a beauty pageant?

99. Well, I'm a substitute teacher at Tom Landry Middle School.

100. Oh, really.

101. I teach sciences full time over at the high school.

102. What do you teach?

103. Espanol.

104. I had my second honeymoon in Spain.

105. Have you ever gone?

106. No. But it's because I choose not to.

107. You should go. You'll love it.

108. I practically lived there for a couple of months after I graduated from college.

109. That's where I met my husband, the engineer.

110. The kind that drives a train?

111. Oh, I'm going to have to look out for you.

112. You're very congenial.

113. Oh, really?

114. You know that there are three other contestants who teach as well.

115. Yes, yes, I know. I met them already.

116. And I suppose you're what, a biochemist or something?

117. Oh, no, no, no. I'm a stay-at-home mother.

118. But I have seven kids

119. so that's a full-time job in and of itself.

120. - Do you have any children? - Eight.

121. No, I only have one.

122. Well, right now I'm majoring in philosophy and classical music.

123. Oh, how nice for you.

124. Well, that'll get you a job in a factory when you get out of college.

125. That's what my mom says, too.

126. No!

127. You do know you have to be 23 years or older

128. to be in this pageant?

129. I am 23.

130. Do you have any children?

131. - No. I'm concentrating on my s… - Oh, oh, well. I have one.

132. Anyway, nice meeting you.

133. Good luck in the pageant.

134. Isn't this exciting, Aunt Peggy?

135. Everyone's so nice.

136. Mrs. Heimlich County let me try on her crown and sash.

137. Did you know she could play the lap steel guitar,

138. and she only has nine percent body fat,

139. and it's all in her breasts?

140. Little Bobby Hill, you rascal you.

141. Mmm.

142. That's when you used to put your food everywhere but in your mouth.

143. I was young. I didn't know any better.

144. Oh, I haven't seen this photo in such a long time.

145. Who's that kissing dad?

146. Well, that's me, honey.

147. Really? You were beautiful.

148. Were?

149. Oh, Bobby, I still am.

150. Okay.

151. Bobby, don't you see?

152. When you look at me now, you can't see somebody who's beautiful.

153. You just see a mother.

154. I don't know. I think Connie's mom is beautiful.

155. - And Mrs. Gribble… - All right. All right.

156. Hey, there's me standing

157. next to the world's largest roadrunner!

158. Are you still having those nightmares where he pecks out your eyes?

159. - I forgot about those. - Good.

160. Oh.

161. Peggy, are you all right?

162. Oh, Hank, I can't sleep.

163. Boy, Cagney and Lacey certainly have aged horribly.

164. Hank

165. do you think I'll turn into one of those women you see at the Mega Lo Mart

166. who wears white stretch pants and doesn't tuck in her shirt anymore?

167. Not for many, many years.

168. Oh, so you've thought about this.

169. No, not my eyes!

170. I thought he stopped having those nightmares.

171. - Come on in, ladies, take a load off. - Thanks.

172. Well, I don't believe I've had the pleasure

173. of meeting this little filly before.

174. Well, yes, yes, you have.

175. Mm-hmm. Your daughter?

176. No. She's my niece, Luanne.

177. Oh. Well, there you go, darlin'.

178. Oh.

179. Thank you.

180. Now, what can old Buck Strickland do for you?

181. You said you had some kind of business proposition, did you?

182. Mr. Strickland

183. a beauty pageant can be a good promotional opportunity

184. for both the beauty contestant and for the business who sponsors…

185. Ah, say no more. I'll do it.

186. How much do you need?

187. Well, there's, uh, the new tennis outfit,

188. makeup, new dress, hair…

189. Uh… we figured around 2,000 dollars.

190. Mm-hmm.

191. Debbie, write me up a company check for 2,000 dollars.

192. Right away, Buck.

193. Oh, thank you, Mr. Strickland.

194. I guarantee you that I will win that Mrs. Heimlich pageant.

195. I will not let you down as my sponsor.

196. Well… "Mrs."?

197. What the hell is she doing here?

198. She's my stylist, and like yourself

199. a big part of team Peggy Hill.

200. Debbie, did you finish writing up that check?

201. Yes, Buck.

202. Oh, sh… Oh.

203. Terrific, girls.

204. Mrs. Hill, that was awful.

205. We're going to go again,

206. and this time, I want Mrs. Hill to sit this one out and watch me.

207. Raymond, hold my cane.

208. Why, Nancy, in the words of Billy Crystal,

209. you look wonderful.

210. Thanks, shug.

211. Oh, by the way I was so excited to hear that you entered the pageant.

212. Really? Oh, thank you.

213. Well, maybe this year, you and I can shake things up a little bit at the "Mrs."

214. Shake things up how?

215. You know, every year they pick the same type of woman to win

216. skinny, big hair, bleached blonde…

217. You mean, women like me?

218. Oh, your hair is not bleached, is it?

219. What type of woman do you think should win the pageant, Peggy?

220. Well, I'm not a judge but

221. a married woman, of course.

222. Not just a wife, but a partner.

223. Definitely a mother.

224. Someone who is distinguished by her brain size not her bra size.

225. Women like you.

226. Well, you said it, I didn't, but, yes.

227. I think women like you shouldn't be in a pageant

228. if you're not prepared to be judged by women like me.

229. We could have shook things up, you and me.

230. Oh, don't you look… smart.

231. Luanne, I think I want to put some highlights in my hair.

232. - Oh. - You don't think that's a good idea?

233. No, it's a good idea.

234. It's just that highlights was a two-part class,

235. and I missed both parts.

236. Hey, bozo.

237. Where your clown car, Peggy Hill?

238. Hey, you look like the Ronald McDonald you bozo, Peggy Hill.

239. Gee, she so stuck up.

240. Not even say hello.

241. You think your missus will like it?

242. Yes, sir.

243. Well, I hope so.

244. This is the most I've spent on a woman without getting anything in return.

245. You know what I mean?

246. Uh, don't worry about it, Buck. You've backed a winner.

247. She could have smiled, at least.

248. She is smiling.

249. If I order by 8:00 tonight,

250. I can have my stretch pants by tomorrow at noon.

251. I could be in them by 1:00.

252. Uh, Peggy, why don't you just wait a week, and we can drive over to the Mega Lo Mart

253. and get them in your new truck, huh?

254. Yeah, right, my new truck.

255. Stop worrying. You've got those fancy stripes in your hair,

256. plus your best friend Nancy is a judge.

257. Well, Nancy and I are not talking right now.

258. Oh.

259. Well, then, we just won't let her ride in our new truck, will we?

260. Oh, okay.

261. Uh, hey, Dale.

262. Peggy baked some extra brownies,

263. and we thought, you know who might enjoy these?

264. The Gribbles.

265. - So here you go. - Hmm.

266. Okay.

267. Oh, and, uh, I'm done using my ratchet set if you want to borrow it.

268. You mean if I wanna keep it?

269. Borrow it, Dale.

270. Just a little reminder, Hank.

271. My wife is the judge of your wife's beauty pageant.

272. Keep it?

273. Borrow it or I'll step over this hedge and kick your ass.

274. Keep it…

275. Oh, hi.

276. Hello.

277. Excuse me, but I think you've made a mistake.

278. You're teasing the wrong contestant's hair.

279. It's okay. It happened to me yesterday.

280. Luanne. Honey, sit down for a second, please.

281. Now, you are an excellent, excellent amateur stylist,

282. but this is a professional beauty pageant.

283. No, it's an amateur beauty pageant, Aunt Peggy.

284. See, Luanne, amateur attitude, amateur performance.

285. That's why I've hired a professional.

286. This is Marci Shuette,

287. stylist to three pageant winners.

288. Oh, my God. You're firing me as your stylist.

289. No, you will still be a very important part of team Peggy Hill,

290. but in a much, much smaller capacity.

291. Luanne.

292. See, that's the amateur attitude I was talking about earlier.

293. All right, all right, hmm…

294. Let me get a look at you.

295. Okay, now turn around.

296. Can you save this?

297. Hmm, this will be my greatest challenge yet.

298. And the winner

299. of the Mrs. Heimlich County beauty pageant…

300. Peggy Hill.

301. So what do you think?

302. Whoa, Mom

303. you look like you could star in a headache commercial.

304. Ladybird, Ladybird, stop barking.

305. It's me, it's Peggy.

306. Hank, you haven't said anything.

307. Uh, you look…

308. Bobby, will you please take Ladybird outside?

309. Gee, look at you.

310. Yeah, I'd kiss you,

311. but it'd feel like I was cheating on you with another woman if I did.

312. Well

313. now's your chance to cheat on me, Hank.

314. I promise I won't tell Peggy.

315. Ah… there.

316. Boy, look at me.

317. I'm having an affair.

318. You were so right about the eyeliner.

319. Oh, God, what was I thinking?

320. Dang, I wish we had a picture of you looking this good for the flyer.

321. - Spilt milk, spilt milk. - Yeah.

322. Did you get the brownies I baked for you as a friend, Nancy?

323. Yes, I did, Mrs. Hill.

324. Shall we proceed?

325. We're running a little behind schedule.

326. It says here in your application that you speak Spanish.

327. Mm-hm.

328. Peggy Hill…

329. Luanne, I just spent two hours picking one of Peggy's shoes

330. out of that disposal.

331. I'm beginning to think it wasn't an accident.

332. Uh, why aren't you at the pageant?

333. Peggy went with Buck Strickland.

334. I'm going a little later.

335. Did she fire you, too?

336. 'Cause you know, she fired me.

337. Now I heard you were still an important part of team Peggy Hill.

338. I know you're feeling a little… miffed.

339. But you have to understand, your aunt has always had a lot of confidence

340. about her looks which is good,

341. but now she's got herself in kind of a bind.

342. She's either got to admit to herself she can't win the truck and quit

343. or stay in the pageant and, well, probably lose.

344. Either way, it's going to hurt.

345. Well, I guess I should feel bad for her,

346. but I don't.

347. Well, this won't work.

348. I cannot go out there like this.

349. - Is there something wrong? - Yes.

350. All of a sudden my butt looks like it's dragging on the floor.

351. Will you fix it? Fix it!

352. Hmm, do you have any duct tape, Mrs. Hill?

353. I used it all on my feet.

354. - Mr. Strickland. - Yeah?

355. We need duct tape.

356. - Silver or gray? - Silver.

357. All-purpose or premium grade?

358. Oh, what the hell, I'm already in this for two grand.

359. What's another 90 cents?

360. - Tighter. - Come on.

361. Ladies to the stage.

362. Come on, now, let's go, y'all.

363. Well, where's my half-jacket?

364. I need my half-jacket.

365. That's what makes this an ensemble

366. the half-jacket.

367. Oh.

368. Oh, come on, Peggy.

369. You know how to put on a jacket.

370. Pageant contestants across the street.

371. Come on, girls, hurry. Watch your step.

372. Okay.

373. No!

374. Well, I guess this wasn't premium, you cheap bastard.

375. Helen, by any chance, do you have any spare tape?

376. My ass has come loose.

377. I'm sure it's just the humidity.

378. Peggy, I've got to go inside.

379. I also think I should tell you that you forgot to put on your shoes.

380. Oh, no, no, no.

381. This is not good.

382. Like the truck?

383. Hank?

384. Wha… What are you doing?

385. Well, I figured since you were only doing this for the truck,

386. I'd save you the trouble.

387. Honey, you bought us a new truck?

388. No, I painted my old one.

389. Well, she's beautiful.

390. Yeah, but she was before.

391. Are those new shoes?

392. Uh, 'cause I like them.

393. I'm glad you're letting me dye your hair back

394. to its normal color, Aunt Peggy.

395. Well, even if you don't, Luanne, that is okay, too.

396. Okay, here it goes.

397. Oh, no!

398. Oh, don't you worry, Luanne.

399. We will get this right soon enough, huh?