King of the Hill 3x25

1. (man) whoo-hoo!

2. Listen, guys, I sent the cards out

3. about a month ago

4. for our 20th wedding anniversary barbecue.

5. And well,

6. peggy is kind of a stickler for those things.

7. So I'm gonna need your r.s.v.p.s.

8. yep.

9. yep.

10. Mmm-hmm.

11. All right, then. So it's official.

12. Are you gonna give her china, hank?

13. 20th anniversary's china.

14. My marriage only made it to wood.

15. No, but after the party,

16. luanne's going camping with friends,

17. and bobby's going to my dad's.

18. That means peggy and I

19. will have the whole weekend to ourselves.

20. So I, uh, won't be in the alley as much.

21. 20 years.

22. If your marriage were a murderer,

23. it'd probably be out by now.

24. hmm.

25. hello. Oh, hi, tracy.

26. My aunt is so happy I'm going camping with you.

27. She and uncle hank are gonna get so busy.

28. What?

29. Do they expect the forest fire to last the whole weekend?

30. bye.

31. is everything ok, honey?

32. Mmm-hmm, oh, yeah,

33. yeah, they just, uh, phoned to, um,

34. remind me to, uh, bring an extra can of gravy.

35. yo.

36. bobby, my camping trip's been canceled,

37. and the shelter says I have to be battered to stay there.

38. So can I go with you to cotton's?

39. No way. This is my last chance for grandpa

40. to spoil me before the baby's born.

41. You stay away from him. He's mine.

42. He doesn't even know your name.

43. Yes, he does. I'm missy melons.

44. Remember, these baby clothes are just on loan

45. until I get pregnant with my 2nd child.

46. Maybe this weekend

47. it is so unfair that your eggs are rotten.

48. Well, for your information , my eggs are just fine.

49. It's hank's narrow urethra that's the problem.

50. Although no one's to blame. No, I'm just stating a fact.

51. oh, hey! Hey!

52. I would like to make a toast to hank and peggy hill-billy.

53. Ha! They have been married 20 years.

54. That a long time.

55. Minh and I only been married 13 years.

56. But, uh, it's quality, not quantity, that matter.

57. Last year on our anniversary,

58. minh and I bungee jump off rock 74 bridge.

59. I love you, minh souphanousinphone

60. I love you, kahn souphanousinphone.

61. oh! You guys didn't have to do this.

62. I know, but nancy said we did.

63. they're canes. Read the card.

64. ok.

65. "for when the hills are over the hill."

66. get it? Your last name's hill.

67. Mmm-hmm.

68. There's not much to get, is there?

69. ok, everybody, let's settle down.

70. Now, this is not my award-winning

71. the history of propane slide show,

72. but it's the next best thing:

73. my marriage to Mrs. Peggy hill.

74. I call it 20 years of outstanding service.

75. Oh, hank.

76. ?

77. here we see the early years

78. when our first home was an efficiency apartment.

79. Although it would have been more efficient

80. if it was heated with propane.

81. our bed was our only piece of furniture,

82. and it was all we needed.

83. Yep, 'cause it converted into a couch.

84. Bobby's head pretty much regained its shape

85. and peggy pretty much regained her shape, too.

86. seriously, that was the day bobby was born.

87. and here's peggy and me whooping it up

88. at the young gasser's ball.

89. slide show longer than their marriage.

90. is this hank and peggy hill 20 years from now?

91. I hope so, because I wouldn't want it any other way.

92. Here's to 20 more years of outstanding service.

93. well, I have summarized our marriage in a different fashion

94. that I hope you will find no less pleasing.

95. I begin.

96. "we planted our seed a long time ago

97. "and for 20 years we've watched it grow

98. "into a beautiful garden of give-and-take

99. "and now it's time to cut the cake

100. "but before we do, I'd like to say

101. "I would like to say I'm so glad you're here today

102. to share with us—"

103. the baby kicked my insides.

104. it puts on quite a sho w when it gets goin'.

105. Didi, show 'em your gas tank.

106. wow!

107. this one's busting to get out.

108. Not like hank. Never moved once while he was in there.

109. Not even born, and he already give up.

110. well, I'm leaving for the weekend.

111. Got my gravy.

112. Ok, where to?

113. Anywhere but here.

114. Oh, not the dressbarn. I bounced a check.

115. Or the nail salon, for the same reason.

116. k Bye. Take a good loo

117. because the next time you see me,

118. I'll be spoiled rotten

119. all right.

120. Hey, guys, just letting you know

121. if you do serve ice cream for dinner,

122. I won't tell.

123. Bobby, this ain't no baskin-robbins vacation.

124. Didi's with child. She's useless.

125. Now, you can start by cleanin' the back of my ears.

126. well, that was great.

127. We ran out of potato salad and meat at the same time.

128. Perfect.

129. I thought my slide show went over pretty big.

130. All in all, a pretty good day.

131. Happy anniversary, peggy.

132. Uh, don't wake me up when you come in.

133. look, if you're worried about the mess,

134. you can clean it up later.

135. if you're worried about bobby,

136. he's gonna be fine at cotton's.

137. It's just a weekend.

138. I had to survive a whole childhood.

139. Hank, we're old.

140. Oh, peggy, that was just a joke slide.

141. Although, the fotomat did make you look older than me.

142. No, it's not the joke slide, hank.

143. The joke slide was funny, ok?

144. It's all the other slides.

145. I saw a young married couple,

146. and I did not recognize them.

147. I mean, hank, we look like strangers.

148. Strangers who stole our glasses and our hair.

149. Well, I assure you it was us.

150. Whatever happened to that young couple

151. with their dreams of inventing a steak sauce

152. and getting rich

153. or—or taking a train to alaska?

154. That couple just grew up and realized

155. that there was too much competition

156. among existing steak sauces.

157. We did ourselves a favor by abandoning those dreams, peggy.

158. Well, maybe we should just start

159. using those canes that dale gave us

160. and we could bash ourselve s over the heads

161. and be done with it.

162. Look, peggy,

163. we've both been looking forward to this weekend.

164. The kids are out of the house,

165. we've rented an r-rated movie.

166. Uh-huh.

167. We'll fry up some jiffy pop.

168. Uh-huh.

169. What movie did you rent?

170. Platoon.

171. ladybird.

172. It's me, luanne.

173. oh.

174. here you go, girl. Gravy.

175. Good girl. Yeah.

176. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

177. yes!

178. come on, bobby In here.

179. This is the baby's room.

180. Decorated it myself.

181. You see this picture?

182. That's me before I had my shins blown off.

183. What's that you're holding?

184. Head of a nazi.

185. Oh, no, it's a canteen

186. hey, jim, I'm looking for a nice restaurant

187. to take my wife to for our anniversary.

188. All right, let's see.

189. Here's that revolving restaurant in mcmaynerbury.

190. Got a "7" in the auto guide.

191. A "7." wow

192. well, I'll get my highlighter

193. and I'll throw together a triptik for you.

194. Uh, you want the direct route or the scenic?

195. Most folks tell me the extra 5 minutes is worth it.

196. Uh, direct.

197. ?

198. what do you know?

199. You can see all of mcmaynerbury.

200. Huh. There's that auto mall

201. they're always bragging about.

202. And in about 30 minutes

203. we will be facing the sunset.

204. Hi, can I get you folks anything to drink?

205. Oh, you know, I've never tried a singapore sling.

206. I think that has alcohol in it, peggy.

207. Unless you want me to be the designated driver.

208. Hank, this night is supposed to be special.

209. Ok, I won't have my beer then.

210. No, I won't have anything.

211. Well, maybe we can both drink.

212. How much do you weigh?

213. I'll just have water, thank you.

214. I'll have a beer.

215. that restaurant was no "7."

216. Look, I didn't kno w the restaurant onl y revolves at lunch.

217. You know, that didn't seem to stop anybody else

218. from having fun.

219. Maybe it's because they were allowed to drink, hank.

220. I see. That's a shot at me.

221. All right.

222. I'll make you that singapore sling you wanted

223. I changed my mind. I want tequila.

224. oh, yeah!

225. oh!

226. ] [tittering

227. that was fun.

228. Haven't done that in a long time.

229. Mmm-hmm. Less talk, more limes.

230. ? [happy anniversary by little river band playing]

231. ? ? Happy anniversary, baby

232. ? ? Got you on my mind?

233. That little river band sure was good.

234. Yep, they were a real "7."

235. Now will you just let that go, will ya?

236. Just enjoy the music.

237. There's no music, hank

238. all there is, is the sound of an empty house.

239. what was that?

240. Just the sound of all the childre n we never had.

241. I couldn't give 'em to you, peggy.

242. It's my fault.

243. I have a narrow urethra. Yes, I do.

244. This is my urethra.

245. nothing. I ran the 40 in 5.9 seconds,

246. but my fellas haven't reached the end zone in 12 years.

247. What are we gonna do now?

248. e well, I'm gonna do what I should have don

249. a long time ago.

250. Here I go.

251. Peggy, wait.

252. hold on.

253. why are you throwing out the baby stuff?

254. I thought we were gonna give it to didi.

255. She doesn't need our baby stuff.

256. She has a baby.

257. No, peggy,

258. I'm the one that deserves to be thrown out.

259. Hank, don't go in there without me.

260. you wanna go out for some pancakes?

261. bobby, get in here.

262. Bobby, this is topsy.

263. Topsy baby-sat your daddy, when he was a boy,

264. and he's gonna baby-sit your uncle, too.

265. I need the money. Mmm-hmm.

266. You're the au pair they were talking about?

267. go on, bobby.

268. Let topsy get a look at you.

269. ok.

270. I'm not gonna bite you.

271. He can't.

272. Had all his teeth yanked out of his head

273. 'cause they was green.

274. Get a little closer.

275. My eyes ain't as good as they used to be.

276. Topsy's legally blind.

277. do it again, topsy.

278. Could you please not use the turn signals?

279. I'm not using the turn signals.

280. That's the vein in the side of your head pounding.

281. Well, I don't feel any better yet, do you?

282. Wait till you have the hotcakes.

283. whew. Hair of the dog.

284. you know, peggy, I was thinking.

285. Maybe we could do some traveling.

286. Maybe take that trip to alaska after all.

287. oh, who are we kidding, hank?

288. We can't go anywhere.

289. Not until ladybird dies

290. and bobby moves out of the house.

291. Hank, look.

292. huh!

293. Let's do that.

294. Do what?

295. Parachute.

296. Kahn and minh bungee jumped off a bridge

297. why can't we jump out of a plane?

298. Kahn and minh are nuts.

299. I have given you

300. 20 years of outstanding service, hank.

301. I don't know.

302. Look, we fell asleep in a garbage can last night.

303. You want that to be the highlight of our 20th anniversary?

304. didi woman, light me a cigar.

305. I hope he treats the baby better than he treats you.

306. Oh, he will, bobby.

307. Until the baby crosses him.

308. didi woman, where's my lunch?

309. h A man can starve to deat

310. waiting for yo u to serve him.

311. I'm going to the bottomless pit

312. to watch some naked women dance while I eat.

313. and we're closed on thursdays, ok?

314. Happy landings.

315. happy landings to you, too.

316. ? So what'd they say

317. well, they're all booked up

318. for the rest of the month.

319. but they have a couple of spots open today.

320. Geronimo.

321. Where's that sock?

322. cotton's grandson.

323. oh, coming.

324. great. I just took those out of the dryer.

325. Where did all this water come from?

326. Bobby, my water broke.

327. It means the baby's almost done.

328. now? Soon.

329. You have to phone cotton.

330. I don't know the number for the bottomless pit.

331. It's number 1 on the speed dial,

332. and number 3.

333. Bobby, this better be good

334. the next gal up plays ping-pong without a paddle.

335. didi's gonna have the baby.

336. We'll meet you at the hospital.

337. But didi can't drive. You took all—

338. Come on, topsy.

339. Let's roll

340. which way is the houston hospital?

341. I'm not sure.

342. Pull over and ask for directions.

343. I can't do that. I shouldn't even be driving this car.

344. I know where the arlen hospital is.

345. It's 2 hours away. Can you hold it in?

346. go around! Please, go around!

347. I can't see where I'm going.

348. Put it on cruise control and stand on the seat.

349. That's what cotton does when we pass an accident.

350. I can't.

351. The red light keeps telling me to brake.

352. I think you need to release the parking brake.

353. Oh, fart!

354. ok, you're all here for different reasons,

355. and personally, I don't care what those reasons are.

356. But you'll be joined together

357. by the one thing I do care about:

358. parachuting.

359. You have never experienced anything

360. like what you're about to experience here today.

361. Nothing comes close, not even sex.

362. Don't get me wrong. I like sex. A lot.

363. But parachuting is...

364. God, it's hard to explain.

365. This guy may be able to skydive,

366. but he sure can't teach worth a damn

367. mmm-hmm.

368. Well, teaching is much harder than it looks.

369. "excuse me while I kiss the sky."

370. ?

371. good. Next.

372. first time?

373. Yeah. Yeah.

374. Me, too.

375. It's our 20th wedding anniversary.

376. Congratulations.

377. I've wanted to do this ever since I was a kid.

378. I'm a virgin.

379. Where's my wife?

380. H-hello?

381. do somethin', topsy.

382. oh, do somethin' else.

383. come on, pick up. Pick up.

384. I don't wanna see her privates.

385. She's my grandmother.

386. charlie's pizza.

387. go!

388. oh, my god.

389. I can see strickland propane from here.

390. It's beautiful.

391. you wanna jump or not?

392. You got my check. What do you care?

393. peggy, wasn't that amazing?

394. Whoo-hoo! Yeah, we did it!

395. Mrs. Hill, your husband's on the radio.

396. Peggy, you were right. It's amazing!

397. It's like selling a million grills all at the same time

398. with extended warranties.

399. You've got to do it.

400. Hank, I—I can't.

401. We have to turn the plane around.

402. You wanna jump or not?

403. Uncle hank, didi's at the hospital

404. she's having the baby right now

405. oh, my god.

406. Peggy, great news. Didi's having the baby.

407. I'm about to be a brother. What a day!

408. peggy, can you hear me?

409. Yes, hank.

410. That's wonderful news.

411. We will be landing in just a few minutes.

412. Wait.

413. I changed my mind.

414. Peggy hill is gonna jump.

415. hey, hey, hey!

416. This is terrific.

417. oh, the head is crowning.

418. Oh, jeez!

419. It's got hair.

420. where're you going, daddy?

421. Don't you wann a cut the cord?

422. The cord! Pull the cord!

423. Whoo-hoo!

424. ok.

425. Your emergency cord!

426. hey!

427. peggy?

428. ? And I'm free?

429. ? Free fallin' ?

430. ? Yeah, I'm free?

431. ? Free fallin' ?

432. ? Free fallin' now I'm?

433. ? Free fallin' now I'm?