King of the Hill 3x16

Directed by Gary McCarver

Dena Dietrich as Marge (voice) • David Herman as Dolphin Trainer (voice) • Louise Jaffe as Cashier (voice) • Nick Jameson as Director (voice) • Billy West as Golfer (voice)

Hank gets Luanne a job as a golf course drink girl at the La Grunta resort. In gratitude, Luanne gets Hank a chance to swim with a dolphin. Hank pets the dolphin, and the dolphin becomes aroused and tries to become sexually intimate with him. In return for his silence, the hotel pays him off, and Hank tells Luanne never to talk about what happened. Luanne gets sexually harassed by one of the golfers, she decides to follow Hank's example and not talk about it.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, that's my ride.

2. Uncle Hank, can I borrow 22.50?

3. I need eight dollars for the movie,

4. and 2.50 for popcorn and then 10 dollars for dinner,

5. and, oh, I want to play the claw machine.

6. I would give up the popcorn to play the claw machine.

7. You know, Luanne,

8. it would be a lot less irritating

9. to give you a round number every now and then

10. than hearing about every little thing you wanted to buy.

11. Can I have 300 dollars?

12. Look, here's 60 dollars.

13. Now, I lived for a month on 60 dollars thanks to…

14. Hey, guys! I got 60 dollars!

15. You know, by letting Luanne live like this,

16. we send out the message that it's okay.

17. Maybe that's what's wrong with Bobby.

18. Now, I can bite an apple with confidence.

19. My Betsy left her job at the La Grunta hotel.

20. She could put in a good word for Luanne.

21. - What's the job? - Golf course drink girl.

22. - Hm. - I went to the La Grunta once.

23. It cost eight dollars just to park there.

24. You could get 200 washers for that.

25. 400 at the Mega Lo Mart.

26. What's that supposed to mean?

27. Now, calm down, guys.

28. This is why I shop here.

29. It may cost more, but it's worth it.

30. Eight cents.

31. I've got a family.

32. Luanne, that's my helmet phone.

33. I'm sorry, but I can't just starve to death

34. as convenient as that would be for you.

35. And you won't give me any more money

36. because I spent everything you gave me last night.

37. But…

38. Well, you know what? It doesn't matter

39. because I found an exciting opportunity for you.

40. How would you like to be a golf course drink girl?

41. You'd have your own money.

42. My own money.

43. Nobody making me beg for every little penny like a dog.

44. Uh, yep, you'd show me, all right.

45. Ooh, a golf course drink girl.

46. Hey, why not me?

47. Thata girl.

48. I'll be my own boss.

49. Uh, no, you'll have a boss,

50. but the tips are all under the table.

51. Uh, okay.

52. The golfers are cheap.

53. They think, 'cause I'm a woman,

54. I'm supposed to be miss Merry Sunshine.

55. Well, the hell with that.

56. I had no idea you were a woman.

57. Just take these drinks out to seven.

58. As long as you can do basic math, you'll be fine.

59. Excuse me.

60. Did you order these drinks?

61. Yeah, but maybe I've had enough.

62. You look a lot better than you did 15 minutes ago.

63. I had them check my math,

64. so I know it's right.

65. Here you go.

66. Okay. I can do this.

67. Hey, it's all yours,

68. as long as you don't let the sea hag

69. bring our drinks anymore.

70. And we can eat what's left over from the buffet,

71. and we get to use the kids' pool until 7:00 a.m.

72. Well, how do I get a job like that, huh?

73. Oh, Aunt Peggy, I don't know.

74. The other drink girl is a woman your age,

75. and the golfers don't like her.

76. I could be a golf course drink girl.

77. Is there anything else

78. I can get you gentlemen?

79. Bobby, don't let your father see you do that, honey.

80. I have to thank Uncle Hank.

81. What is the best possible present

82. I could possibly get him?

83. Well, I always get him pants.

84. I got him socks one year. Mm-mm. Never again.

85. No, no, no, no, no. That's no good.

86. I have to get him something he really loves.

87. Something that will just make him go… Wow!

88. I've noticed that uncle Hank doesn't wear any jewelry,

89. so I'm going to get him some jewelry.

90. That's not what he needs.

91. I know a man who can remove Hank's fingerprints for him.

92. But believe me, pay the extra

93. and get the 50 dollar job.

94. I tell you what, man, boy, man, dang ol' electronic assistant.

95. I never don't miss me, man.

96. Check it out.

97. Wake up about five.

98. Gonna go have a bear, then go hangin' out at auto store,

99. you know, come back and take a nap maybe.

100. Do something like that.

101. Oh, man, that dang ol' Wednesday, man.

102. You know, Hank and me, we used to go bowling,

103. and I'd tell people we were brothers,

104. and he was better than me,

105. but he'd let me win sometimes,

106. and we'd stay out way too late,

107. and maybe if you bought him another bowling ball

108. it'd be like before Peggy came.

109. What man doesn't like a nice soap or candle?

110. Oh, that bottle of Vicks is really expensive.

111. Why don't you get him a gift certificate?

112. There are lots of things at the hotel he can use.

113. I bought my husband a round of golf,

114. and our love life has never been better.

115. Of course, that's it.

116. And she said I should buy him a round of golf,

117. and then it was easy.

118. Oh, Luanne, Hank loves golf.

119. A round of golf makes my presents look like…

120. - Well, nothing. - Oh, no, Aunt Peggy.

121. Of course it does.

122. No, no, no, no, no. You don't understand.

123. Surprise!

124. Well, what's this?

125. I know it's not my birthday.

126. I didn't get my pants from Peggy.

127. Oh, my God!

128. Look at your face!

129. You thought it was a big box, but it's a small box!

130. But you know what they say about small packages.

131. It's a round of golf.

132. No, Bobby, no.

133. The round of golf gave me the idea, but it's not…

134. A dolphin encounter?

135. That's right.

136. There's a dolphin in a pool at the hotel,

137. and you can swim with it and touch it,

138. and it communes with you,

139. and you can feed it dead fish.

140. Well, Luanne, this sure was a thoughtful present,

141. and it looks like you, uh,

142. spent a lot of money on it.

143. And hey, if I wanted to exchange it

144. for that round of golf, I could do that, right?

145. But… you wouldn't want to replace it.

146. It cost more than a round of golf.

147. And I… I just…

148. I… I…

149. Excuse me.

150. Well, somebody should go talk to Luanne.

151. Oh, all right.

152. Well, hey, Luanne, you know what?

153. I've never climbed into a pool with a big fish.

154. I guess it just never occurred to me.

155. So maybe this dolphin confrontation

156. would be something I'd be glad I had done

157. after it was over.

158. It's an encounter.

159. Even better.

160. Come on, Hank.

161. Looks like you're going golfing.

162. Yeah, looks like.

163. Didn't know dolphins knew how to play golf.

164. Shut up, Dale.

165. They have a store that sells red Skelton paintings.

166. I am there.

167. Although I do not like his clowns.

168. Look at that brunch!

169. Prime rib for breakfast?

170. Wow, it's true.

171. I guess I owe Bill an apology.

172. Uncle Hank,

173. it's time for your dolphin encounter orientation.

174. Boy, look at that beef.

175. I never get brunch.

176. To think of all the years I've wasted without capers.

177. They work with the salmon.

178. They work with the little pickles,

179. and I think they might work with fruit pies.

180. Hello, what have we here?

181. One man who was healed by dolphins told me,

182. "Angels are dolphins who haven't learned to swim."

183. People ask me how to approach these wise cetaceans.

184. And I can only say, be honest with them

185. and they will share their secrets with you.

186. I'm going to lower the lights now so we can watch our video,

187. A Dream Of Dolphins.

188. I dive into the gentle sea

189. to free the dolphin inside of me.

190. I don't want any photos.

191. Go take pictures of the golf course.

192. They can feel negative energy.

193. Relax.

194. Go!

195. Wow!

196. That was a mighty fine catch.

197. He kind of feels like rubber.

198. Hold on to Duke's fin.

199. Let him take you.

200. Hey, look at me.

201. Hey, Luanne, this isn't as asinine as I thought.

202. Thanks.

203. Boy, I tell you what,

204. this is one

205. just a second, Duke.

206. Hey… Hey, cut it out.

207. What's going on?

208. There's nothing wrong,

209. but maybe you should get out of the pool immediately.

210. What do I do?

211. Have fun.

212. Get the manager out here.

213. How's this?

214. Well, that is perfect.

215. No, wait, wait.

216. One with the flash just to be safe.

217. Excuse me. Is it safe to assume

218. you won't be purchasing a videotape of your dolphin encounter?

219. Get out of here! You're in trouble. All of you!

220. That fish better have had its shots.

221. Mr. Hill, I'm the food and recreation director here at La Grunta.

222. That thing attacked me!

223. That's not what my niece paid for.

224. - Is it? - No.

225. Is it?

226. Y'all used me for chum.

227. That stupid fish could have drowned me.

228. Mr. Hill, there's no way on earth

229. Duke would have let you drown.

230. That dolphin loves you. A lot.

231. That's a damn funny way to show it.

232. Um, Mr. Hill, Duke has the same desires we all do.

233. With all of your fondling, Duke became aroused

234. and was attempting to become

235. physically intimate with you.

236. Oh, my God.

237. It's a compliment, really.

238. He's not going to get away with this.

239. Give me that tape!

240. I'm sending this in to When Animals Attack.

241. And then they'll fly us out to Hollywood, 'cause it's going to win.

242. Luanne, please!

243. No one is going to see that tape.

244. Now, Mr. Hill, let's move on past the blame game.

245. I don't care who led who on.

246. Now, if you'll sign our waiver form…

247. Uncle Hank.

248. - Your family's brunch is free. - Mm-hm.

249. That handsome bathrobe is yours

250. - along with a beautiful gift basket. - Mm-hm.

251. And we'll throw in 25 La Grunta dollars.

252. Fine.

253. We'll go get the form.

254. Luanne, you and I have a secret

255. that we must take to our graves.

256. Are you threatening to kill me, Uncle Hank?

257. Of course not.

258. They're right, La Grunta is the greatest.

259. They even have extra-wide slippers

260. for the full-footed woman.

261. Oh, Luanne, honey,

262. how could you afford all these things?

263. Um… How could I afford not to?

264. No, Luanne. What I really meant was…

265. I don't know how she could be so dang generous, either.

266. You didn't steal them, did you?

267. You didn't.

268. Honey, did you try the capers with your fruit pies yet?

269. That was a real disappointment.

270. I'd rather not talk about it.

271. We're doing great.

272. They don't suspect a thing.

273. You see that? It's like it never happened.

274. But, uh… Luanne, you can't mention it to me, even

275. or it's like it did happen, you see?

276. Gotcha.

277. Ooh! "La Grunta Microbrewery."

278. Shut up, Dale.

279. You can't say "shut up."

280. I haven't made fun of you for going to the hotel yet.

281. How long are you going to beat this into the ground?

282. The hotel is history.

283. I thought I could have a morning

284. without hearing about the dolphin,

285. but I guess not.

286. So what's your damn dolphin joke?

287. Now you've ruined it.

288. Good.

289. Hank's got one!

290. I get hooksies!

291. Ah! Get it off.

292. It was an ugly fish.

293. I got a little scared, too.

294. 98.8 degrees.

295. Well, you can have it your way, Mr. Egg.

296. We can wait just as long as you.

297. You're not dealing with a couple of hormone-crazed teenagers here.

298. Come on!

299. Okay. We're decent.

300. Turndown service.

301. Here's your hotel mints.

302. Bingo!

303. It's time!

304. Oh, yeah!

305. Hank, what's wrong with you?

306. Are you guys gonna eat those mints?

307. It was a good day for it, too.

308. Hey, all right! Drink girl! Hey!

309. Hey! The drink girl gets to take my putt for me.

310. Oh, I don't know how.

311. It's easy. Here, I'll show you.

312. Now, you relax the grip.

313. Keep your arms straight, huh?

314. Shoulders back.

315. Now, flex those knees and bend your waist.

316. MEN

317. Hey, you have good form.

318. Sorry. I got to go.

319. Whoa! Wait! The lesson's not over yet.

320. I mean, we didn't pay for our drinks.

321. That's okay.

322. Coming through.

323. Don't touch me!

324. I'm sorry.

325. That's okay.

326. You didn't do anything.

327. Is something wrong?

328. Oh, I shouldn't tell anyone.

329. Well, you didn't tell me.

330. I figured it out.

331. I guess.

332. Bobby, some of the men on the golf course

333. got fresh with me.

334. Hmm. Did they use any swear words?

335. No. It was more physical.

336. Did you report them?

337. Well, no.

338. Then everyone would know.

339. Besides, I shouldn't have taken the putt in the first place.

340. That was unprofessional.

341. Luanne, that's crazy.

342. Well, you didn't tell anyone when you were…

343. Luanne, please?

344. You see, it's better to just put these things behind you.

345. If you can make it work, so can I.

346. - Now, wait a minute. I didn't mean… - Sorry. Can't talk about it.

347. Now I'm not so sure

348. I want to be a golf course drink girl.

349. Dad, we're down to two jars of capers.

350. Well, we can't get any more.

351. What does that mean?

352. How hard can it be?

353. You don't want to know.

354. What are you doing, Luanne?

355. Looking pretty in public is just asking for trouble,

356. so I borrowed some of your clothes.

357. Okay, I'm just saying

358. those two jars aren't going to get me through the weekend.

359. No!

360. All right, Hank, I'm nobody's fool.

361. So what exactly is going on?

362. It was the dolphin.

363. He, uh… attacked me.

364. Hmm. I see.

365. No, it was more than that.

366. He… Uh, remember the movie on Lifetime,

367. you know, what Gregory Harrison did to Valerie Bertinelli?

368. Oh, my God!

369. Oh, I have never…

370. Well, actually I have had a dog hump my leg.

371. Oh, it doesn't feel good, does it?

372. No. I thought ignoring it would make it better,

373. but it just made it worse for everyone.

374. You know, I've never

375. said this about anything before,

376. but it feels good to talk about it.

377. That's good, Hank.

378. Come on, just let it all out.

379. It is so horrible.

380. I mean, that creature swimming at you with that hungry look

381. waving his… I mean, does he even have a…

382. It's a mammal, Peggy.

383. Oh, well, then of course he would.

384. I'm sorry.

385. He is a mammal, and would have mammalian organs,

386. roughly in proportion to body size, I'm guessing?

387. Uh. That's enough talking about it for now.

388. Whatever feels best.

389. This is all so disorienting.

390. It's hard not to…

391. I mean, did he know where to go?

392. Peggy!

393. I don't know what I'm going to do,

394. but it starts with not lying about what happened.

395. It's the dolphin who ought to be ashamed of himself.

396. It happened to me!

397. The same thing happened to me six years ago.

398. And four years ago.

399. What?

400. Oh, yeah.

401. I saved up the 150, and I was going to live it up.

402. I was going to live it up like the big boys

403. swimming with the dolphins.

404. It was going to turn my life around,

405. give me my confidence back,

406. and then…

407. Well, what did you do about it?

408. Those hotel guys bought me off

409. with this t-shirt. It made me feel cheap and used

410. but it… it breathes nice.

411. All right, well, there's one thing I can do.

412. Quit drinking that hotel beer.

413. I'm going to take it back.

414. Hey!

415. Good for you, Hank Hill.

416. You throw those 30 pieces of silver right back at them.

417. The slippers, too, Peggy.

418. Oh, a pair of slippers isn't going to give you your dignity back.

419. You were humped by a dolphin.

420. Come on, Peggy.

421. Yes, that's so true.

422. You're so wise.

423. There! Take it all back!

424. I don't want your payoff!

425. What do you want?

426. Money? Publicity?

427. I want to see to it

428. that no one has to go through what I went through

429. except for a female dolphin.

430. You signed the agreement.

431. Our lawyers will do what it takes

432. to protect the good name of La Grunta.

433. Why must you speak through guys like him?

434. Why is it never me?

435. Here you go, darlin'.

436. Hey! Hey, what's this?

437. Who are you, the parking guy?

438. Okay, I'm not handicapped.

439. Go ahead! Run!

440. Because I'm through running away from you!

441. From now on, I'm going to dress any way I want

442. and you're just going to have to deal with it!

443. You think you can touch anyone you want anywhere you want?

444. Think it's okay because no one says it's not?

445. Okay, you threw me in the pool.

446. Good job! I don't care!

447. I was going for a swim anyway.

448. You know, people pay a lot of money to swim in here!

449. So you gave it to me for free.

450. Thanks, pal.

451. Hey, I owe you one!

452. Maybe I'll buy you a beer!

453. Hey, hey, what are you… What… Hey!

454. Hey-hey-hey-hey! Hey!

455. Let's all wish Duke good luck

456. as he begins his return to the ocean.

457. Good-bye, Duke.

458. Good-bye.

459. - Bye, Duke. - So long, little buddy.

460. Good-bye, Duke.

461. I love you!

462. Mom, can I have a T-shirt?

463. Thank you, Uncle Hank.

464. You're welcome, Luanne.

465. Can I send in the video to When Animals Attack now?

466. I don't think so.

467. We could split the money.

468. That's not necessary.

469. I can have it all?

470. Luanne, give me the tape.

471. I already sent it in. I thought you'd say yes.

472. I never get brunch.