King of the Hill 3x15

David Herman as The Astounding Herrerra (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice)

Hank and Peggy go to a magic show where Peggy gets to be the volunteer in the best trick. Hank tries to figure out how the trick was done, and Peggy won't tell him. Meanwhile, Bobby is looking for a way to liven up his Sunday School report on Jesus, and when he sees the magician, he incorporates some of the tricks and patter into the report, calling it "The Amazing Jesus."

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. it looks like a... Rabbit.

2. oh, I guess that's the tail, huh?

3. Very good, honey.

4. What else do you see?

5. That one looks like a pig.

6. No, wait— maybe it's a ham.

7. Bobby, in your imagination

8. there are no wrong answers.

9. Look, mom, a bee.

10. Well, yeah, I guess that could be

11. maybe a puffy little wing and...

12. oh.

13. We even fooled a bee.

14. Well, that's because bees are stupid.

15. Fool an owl... Then we'll talk.

16. guess who sold three barbecues today.

17. Dad! In here!

18. I'm painting my room.

19. Well, all right, son.

20. You can finally wear those overalls

21. without being embarrassed.

22. I'll get the funsaver.

23. Uh, eh, hold on a minute.

24. This is our son's first paint job.

25. Do we really want to remember it

26. looking all blotchy?

27. Those aren't blotches.

28. They're clouds.

29. huh?

30. You painted clouds?

31. White, puffy clouds.

32. This is a boy's room, not a day-care center.

33. A boy's room should be blue.

34. I'm painting it back.

35. Hank—

36. Please do not stifle him.

37. If my son wants to stare at clouds, then...

38. He can look out the dang window.

39. He can see all the clouds he wants.

40. Not at night.

41. Mm-hmm. At night, all you can see out that window

42. is bill dancing with his mop.

43. yup.

44. yup.

45. yup.

46. yup.

47. You don't even know

48. what we were talking about.

49. All right, what is it?

50. Nancy's birthday's on saturday

51. and I'm throwing her a surprise party.

52. "abracapasta.

53. Magic, dining and more."

54. yeah. I been spraying their kitchen

55. for roaches and silverfish

56. and, well, until business picks up

57. they're paying me in free magic shows.

58. You have to come.

59. You already said "yup."

60. Oh, all right, I'll go to the show

61. but I'm not clapping.

62. I don't like magicians.

63. Don't trust 'em.

64. Ever since david copperfield

65. made the statue of liberty disappear.

66. Shame oh him.

67. Remember, people, this is a covert operation.

68. I have recruited one john redcorn

69. to keep nancy busy all day.

70. She will not suspect a thing.

71. Oh, sug, this place is perfect.

72. No one will ever spot us in this dump.

73. Uh, maybe you should take your hands

74. out of my jeans now.

75. Sug, what

76. is the matter?

77. You're so...

78. Oh, my god— it's dale.

79. Surprise!

80. happy birthday, baby.

81. Happy birthday, baby.

82. Nice work, john redcorn.

83. She didn't suspect a thing.

84. You are so clueless.

85. Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha.

86. Honey, you never get older.

87. Were you surprised?

88. Well, it's been a wonderful party.

89. hank

90. Sit down and enjoy the magic show.

91. the last thing I need

92. is some silky man in his silky scarves

93. trying to trick me into having fun.

94. ladies and gentlemen.

95. Abracapasta is proud to present

96. all the way from guadalajara, mexico

97. the astounding...

98. Herrera!

99. Oh, lord.

100. good evening, ladies and gentlemens.

101. I am... Astounding herrera.

102. Get ready to be... Astounded.

103. Did you see that?

104. He pulled the watch right out of his pocket.

105. Oh, hank, will you be quiet?

106. That's not part of the trick.

107. Where did that watch come from?

108. Yes. There are no wires.

109. The only thing holding her up... Is magic.

110. Sure. Who needs wires

111. when you got a forklift behind the curtain?

112. Hank, would you please?

113. and now

114. the sawing of woman in halfs.

115. You see that now? he just lied to us.

116. He didn't really cut her.

117. No one wants to hear it, hank.

118. For my next illusion

119. I will need a volunteer from the audience.

120. A beautiful womans.

121. Well...

122. He's not going to pick you.

123. He's got a plant in the audience.

124. Hank, you are not sitting in a room full of idiots.

125. We know he didn't really saw that woman.

126. We know birds don't grow out of his fingers.

127. We know his accent is phony

128. but we don't care.

129. The fun is pretending that it's real.

130. Ah, yes. You.

131. Huh? Oh.

132. excuse me.

133. Thank you.

134. And what is your name, my lovely?

135. Me lammo peggy hill.

136. Ah! You speak spanish...

137. In a way.

138. Then you must know that most pinatas

139. is filled with the candies.

140. And este burro is no exception

141. but the sweetness I am filling it with

142. is the sweetness that is... Peggy hill.

143. get in there, peggy.

144. come on, peggy.

145. I will take three swings at the burro.

146. If Miss peggy hill is lucky, I will miss.

147. Will she get lucky tonight?

148. one!

149. two.

150. ay, dios mio.

151. Will astounding herrera strike out

152. with Miss peggy hill?

153. We shall see.

154. Three.

155. All right, that's enough.

156. Get out of the donkey, peggy.

157. We're going home.

158. But I still have one more chance to hit on your wife.

159. all right, mister, I've had enough

160. of your tomfoolery.

161. Let her out of there.

162. As you wish.

163. whee!

164. Where's peggy?

165. You bring my wife back right now

166. or I'm getting the manager.

167. I'm right here, hank.

168. what?

169. How did you do that?

170. I cannot break the magician's code

171. and neither can my lovely assistant.

172. Okay, that's it.

173. Nancy's birthday party is over.

174. He will not get very far

175. without his keys, ladies and gentlemens.

176. you thief, I'll kick your ass.

177. what the...? hey.

178. a trap door.

179. no.

180. Mirrors in the...

181. no.

182. Rotating stage?

183. Will you stop it?

184. I promised herrera I would not tell

185. and there is nothing more important to a magician

186. than keeping secrets—

187. Probably because so many of them are gay.

188. Well, you made a promise to me, too—

189. Love, honor and obey—

190. And I want you to obey me when I tell you

191. to tell me how that trick was done.

192. you just can't stand

193. that I know something that you don't.

194. Well, get used to it, hank

195. because I will never

196. tell you how that trick was done.

197. Never, ever.

198. So, uh... this herrera

199. is he, uh...?

200. Yes, of course he is.

201. Now leave me alone.

202. Then the pinata exploded in a shower of candy.

203. Wow. What kind of candy?

204. Jolly ranchers.

205. Oh, my god.

206. But... Poof! I was gone.

207. Where were you?

208. Back in my seat

209. taking a long, cool sip of my corona.

210. No one knew how I got there.

211. Perhaps not even me.

212. Would you stop filling his head with nonsense?

213. Bobby, there is a perfectly logical explanation

214. for your mother's brief disappearance.

215. I'm listening.

216. Well, uh...

217. You see... Uh...

218. all right, I will tell you.

219. It was magic.

220. I knew it.

221. Aren't you late for school?

222. It's sunday.

223. What about sunday school?

224. oop.

225. "'and I will dwell

226. in the house of the lord forever'

227. growled the bear."

228. oh... Before we go— children, children—

229. I want to know

230. who everyone's doing their bible report on next week.

231. Bobby hill?

232. I'm going to do my report on Jesus.

233. Oh, I love Jesus.

234. Jesus is good, bobby. Very good.

235. She disappeared from the pinata

236. and reappeared in her chair.

237. The question is how.

238. Any theories?

239. You're asking me if I have theories?

240. About the magic trick, dale.

241. Oh. Not a clue.

242. Ah! It's done with twins.

243. One peggy in the pinata, one peggy in the audience.

244. Another woman who looks like peggy?

245. Smells like peggy? feels like...?

246. My wife does not have a twin.

247. You don't know that for sure and you never will.

248. They destroyed the proof

249. when they blew up one of the peggys.

250. boomhauer?

251. I didn't see nothing.

252. Talking about that cocktail waitress

253. gave me her phone number

254. and go back in that place

255. and ol' ropes and pulleys all over, man.

256. Yeah, that could work.

257. Peggy is hoisted by a rope

258. climbs out a heating duct

259. runs through the parking lot...

260. Not even close.

261. Mom already told you how the trick was done.

262. Magic.

263. I knew it!

264. Bobby, don't you have some homework to do?

265. no.

266. What about sunday school homework?

267. oy.

268. "this beginning of miracles did Jesus in cana of galilee

269. "and manifested forth his glory

270. and his disciples believed on him."

271. What do you think?

272. Well, it seems a little, um... Boring.

273. Yeah. Boring.

274. But I copied it right out of the bible.

275. Oh. Well, I didn't mean boring. Not boring.

276. I mean, it's...

277. No, you're right.

278. It stinks.

279. Because you're not being creative with it.

280. Okay...

281. When I substitute teach a history class

282. I just don't read the declaration of independence.

283. I maybe read it in a funny voice.

284. You know, um...

285. "hey, hey, hey, we, the people..."

286. You see what I'm saying?

287. let's go, luanne.

288. We're late.

289. Where are you going?

290. out.

291. out?

292. Yes. Out.

293. To see the astounding herrera at abracapasta.

294. Luanne!

295. Can I come, too?

296. Bobby, honey, no.

297. Your father is just going to tell you

298. how all the tricks are done

299. and possibly ruin magic for you forever.

300. Now, wouldn't you rather stay in your room

301. and do some homework? Huh?

302. Ready?

303. I'll get my coat.

304. She's got her legs pulled up to her chest.

305. So those are fake feet sticking out of the box.

306. If it's that obvious to you

307. imagine how I feel.

308. For my final illusion

309. I will need a volunteer from the audience—

310. A beautiful womans.

311. Okay, luanne— like we practiced.

312. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

313. Yes, please.

314. In the back.

315. Yes, please.

316. In the back.

317. Yes, please.

318. I won't really disappear.

319. I won't really disappear.

320. I won't really disappear.

321. And now, I step inside the pinata.

322. no! She's supposed to go in there!

323. That's not how you do the trick.

324. psst. Have you figured it out yet?

325. Um... I think that's my seat.

326. Peggy! Peggy, come here quick!

327. I figured it out.

328. All right, how is it done?

329. Get in the box. You'll see.

330. Why can't you just tell me?

331. Please.

332. for my next trick

333. I need a beautiful womans.

334. Well, all right.

335. I have sealed

336. the box.

337. Okay, now what?

338. Now you tell me how that trick was done.

339. What?

340. You're not getting out till you tell me.

341. Hank hill! I can wait.

342. Mom, dad, we're going to be late for church.

343. I'll be right there, honey.

344. Okay.

345. all right.

346. "... but I only saw one set of footprints

347. 'cause god was holding me."

348. peggy...

349. I'm sorry. I didn't...

350. Thou shalt not speak to me.

351. Our next report is from bobby hill:

352. "the amazing Jesus."

353. Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

354. I am the amazing Jesus

355. son of god and master of prestidigitation!

356. Thank you!

357. Has this ever happened to you?

358. Your followers want a glass of wine

359. but all you have is water?

360. Well, if you're the amazing Jesus, no problem.

361. Water into wine!

362. It's a miracle!

363. John 2:11.

364. Thank you.

365. now, we're going to need something

366. to go with all this wine.

367. Maybe some bread.

368. But how are you going to feed all these hungry people

369. with just one slice?

370. No problem if you're the amazing Jesus!

371. Amen!

372. It's a miracle, ladies and gentlemen.

373. Mark 6:44.

374. Thank you!

375. and now, for my next miracle

376. I'm going to need a large wooden cross

377. and a couple of volunteers.

378. no! no!

379. What you did was wrong.

380. You're supposed to love Jesus

381. not make a mockery of him.

382. Next bumper sticker I see, you will get up here

383. and you will honk like the dickens.

384. I was just trying to make Jesus interesting

385. like mom told me.

386. Our lord and savior does not need any help

387. keeping people's interest.

388. I-I... I thought bobby would make a lamb out of cotton balls.

389. Now they're going to stick us in that dang newsletter.

390. I don't want to be in the thoughts

391. and prayers of anyone

392. just because I'm bobby's dad.

393. Well, you're the one who dragged him down to abracapasta

394. and told him how all the tricks were done.

395. You just have to take all the mystery

396. out of life, don't you, hank?

397. Don't blame me.

398. You're the one who got him

399. all worked up about magic.

400. You filled his head

401. with puffy clouds and jolly ranchers.

402. What did you think was going to happen?

403. My folks yelled at me the whole way home.

404. Then they stopped

405. yelling at me

406. and started yelling at each other.

407. They're still yelling at each other.

408. It's all my fault.

409. Sometimes my parents fight

410. but they have a rule— never go to sleep angry.

411. They always make up before going to their bedrooms.

412. How do they make up?

413. They do something nice for each other

414. like my mom buys my dad a carton of cigarettes

415. and my dad buys my mom a duffel bag

416. with his frequent-smoker points.

417. Yeah! I'll get my parents

418. to do something nice for each other.

419. That's even better than my plan

420. of turning them both against luanne.

421. Mom! Mom, come in here quick!

422. I've got soup in the microwave. What?

423. Dad must have done it.

424. Isn't that nice of him?

425. Maybe it's just his way

426. of saying he's sorry.

427. Oh, hank.

428. Oh, you sweet, sweet, stubborn, sweet, sweet man.

429. Apology accepted.

430. What apology?

431. I didn't do anything wrong.

432. Since dad did

433. something nice for you

434. maybe you should tell him how the trick was done.

435. Oh, now I get it.

436. You thought you'd just

437. slap a few clouds on bobby's wall

438. and I would give up herrera's secret?

439. Clouds?

440. Oh, lord, they're back!

441. Right. Nice try, but it won't work.

442. I didn't paint these clouds!

443. Don't lie, to me, hank.

444. I'm not! And don't you tell me

445. what to do, either!

446. Well, I wouldn't dream of it, you pig-headed liar!

447. Joseph, I screwed everything up!

448. Hey, look

449. what I can do.

450. my plan completely backfired.

451. Now they're fighting worse than ever.

452. Oh, man, do you think

453. they're going to get divorced?

454. What?

455. I don't know. They could.

456. But don't worry.

457. Lots of people get divorced.

458. Mr. Dauterive got divorced.

459. the boy's 12 years old.

460. What does he need clouds on the wall for?

461. And they don't even look like clouds.

462. They look like...

463. What, hank? what do they look like?

464. Well, like... Like big white blotches of bad painting.

465. Well, maybe to someone

466. with absolutely no imagination.

467. I see all sorts of things.

468. Well, if you ask me

469. you've got too much imagination.

470. Everything's all loop-de-loops and flibbertigibbet.

471. I live in the real world

472. where men sell propane

473. and propane accessories.

474. What do you do?

475. I trade in ideas.

476. I am a substitute teacher and a professional muser.

477. Yeah? Well, ideas don't put food on the table.

478. Yeah? Well, ideas don't put food on the table. oh, really?

479. Oh, really?

480. Well, ideas decide how to prepare that food.

481. And then propane cooks it. I win.

482. You don't win.

483. You don't... You can't just... You can't...

484. I can't just what?

485. You don't just...

486. What? What?

487. Where's your imagination now?

488. Where are those precious ideas when you need them, huh?

489. Hank, you...

490. You... Oh!

491. oww!

492. oww!

493. what's going on?

494. You stopped fighting.

495. That's right.

496. Everything's just fine now, honey.

497. But how?

498. Well, uh... Your mother kicked me in the shin

499. I kicked her back

500. and, well... Well, that's pretty much it.

501. That doesn't make any sense.

502. Well, sure, it does.

503. See, I was mad, your mother was madder

504. and we sort of... Um...

505. Aw, heck, I guess it doesn't make any sense

506. but I guess it doesn't have to.

507. There are just some things you can't explain.

508. That's right.

509. You're not even trying.

510. Listen up, bobby.

511. I tell you what—

512. Why don't you sit with us here

513. and we'll watch the clouds go by.

514. Okay.

515. Hey, now, see that one over there looks like a, uh...

516. Uh... A propane tank.

517. Or a gummi bear.

518. Very good... both of you.

519. hey, that one looks like a propane tank, too.

520. And you know what those little ones over there look like?

521. propane accessories?

522. yes, yes, but which ones?

523. uh... Spatula?

524. now you're just guessing. Peggy?

525. it is a grill brush.

526. And now... The pinata of death revealed.

527. As soon as our volunteer gets in the burro

528. a flap beneath the tail opens.

529. She steps out and puts on a poncho and sombrero

530. and dances offstage.

531. The fire?

532. just a diversion.

533. It appears our volunteer has vanished. Has she?

534. Hardly.

535. And that is the secret behind the pinata of death.

536. Please don't tell my dad.

537. you are so clueless. ha-ha.