King of the Hill 3x11

Cheryl Holliday as Randy Miller (voice) • Dennis Burkley as Principal Moss (voice) • Jill Parker as Emily (voice)

After being taunted and pantsed by one of her students, Peggy loses it and spanks him. She is immediately fired, but Cotton and his old buddies start a campaign to get "Paddlin' Peggy" reinstated. Once she is back teaching, Peggy uses her reputation for violence to scare her students, and takes things too far, in true Peggy fashion.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I'm getting some nice color.

2. look out, mrs. Hill, a snake!

3. Oh, it's a harmless bull snake.

4. I'd say he— oh, pardon— she is about nine months old.

5. Your mom's as cool as most people's dads.

6. It's like that book they took out of the school library:

7. I've got two dads.

8. no, you don't.

9. this is hill.

10. Tom landry middle school needs you, peggy.

11. This job's for at least a week, maybe two.

12. Can you sub for Mrs. Gonzalez?

13. Gonzalez? Well, that's spanish, isn't it?

14. Yes, it is— your best subject.

15. You'll be fine. Just...

16. Fine.

17. There's something you're not telling me.

18. Dang it, peggy, I could lose my job.

19. Digame.

20. I... I just can't

21. but on a completely unrelated subject

22. hasn't it been a while

23. since your last surprise in-class evaluation?

24. Well, yes, it has, but tell me what you...

25. ohh.

26. Mrs. Hill, I'm ms. Ayres.

27. I'm here to evaluate you.

28. Really. Oh, I had no idea.

29. My goodness, an evaluation.

30. Well that... Imagine.

31. A substitute.

32. Attack.

33. Hi, Mrs. Hill.

34. Buenas dias, consuela.

35. I have always enjoyed a special relationship with my students.

36. in fact, one of them reminded me yesterday

37. that I was honored as substitute teacher of the year

38. 1996 through 1997 inclusive.

39. That's impressive. So many subs get bullied by their students.

40. Well, a bully is just someone

41. who victimizes others to make themselves feel important.

42. Would you like me to repeat that slowly?

43. Oh, no, I'm just penalizing you for starting class late.

44. You were saying?

45. Hola. Me llamo senora

46. margarita hill.

47. Como te llamas?

48. Me llamo Joseph gribble.

49. Oh, bueno, jose gribble.

50. y tu?

51. Como te llamas?

52. me llamo clark peters.

53. Muchos gustos, carlos pedros.

54. ay, margarita.

55. vamos apprender los partes del cuerpo humano.

56. Por ejemplo.

57. Este es mi mano.

58. Si. Muy divertido.

59. No mas, okay?

60. Okay. Bueno, este es mi...

61. Cabeza.

62. quien esta terando los darts de nerf?

63. Esta dooley, senora hill.

64. senor dooley, venga.

65. You're dead.

66. En espanol, por favor.

67. Tu eres muerto.

68. Muy bien.

69. Senor dooley esta mi assistante especial.

70. Bueno. Este es mi cabeza.

71. este es mi pelo.

72. mi pelo es castano.

73. Stop it!

74. I know what you are doing, and just stop it.

75. En espanol, por favor.

76. Clase! Atencion!

77. Atencion!

78. Clase, please!

79. "needs improvement"?

80. I have never needed to improve

81. on anything in my whole life.

82. This will be in my personnel file forever.

83. Relax, peggy.

84. Everyone has a bad day.

85. I remember back when I first started at strickland propane

86. there was this guy who had a bad day.

87. Uh, see? I can't even remember that fella's name now.

88. All right, everybody.

89. Sit down.

90. Andale.

91. That's odd.

92. I can't seem to get this to work. It's...

93. okay. We don't have a lot time for monkey business.

94. So I think we'll skip

95. attendance today and finish up

96. our vocabular lesson.

97. I have had it with you two.

98. I am a very fun teacher, but I will not be bullied.

99. Give me your watches. come on. Give them to me.

100. I am not joking, you two.

101. I pulled your pants down.

102. Oh, yeah!

103. holy crap.

104. 18 years, 18 years of teaching thrown out the window

105. with one flick of the wrist.

106. Don't panic, peggy. there's lots you can do.

107. I could design software.

108. People have always said that.

109. I could open up

110. a paint-your-own-pottery store.

111. You know how much they get for that crap?

112. Slow down, peggy. they won't fire you.

113. You're a substitute teacher. they'll just stop calling.

114. But that's not going to happen, either.

115. maybe it should.

116. I hit an innocent child.

117. I'm sure you didn't hurt him.

118. I should know.

119. I got spanked plenty in school.

120. Really? Well, you turned out just fine.

121. Better than fine, and back then

122. they even used a paddle called "old spanky."

123. It was a piece of hickory about yea big

124. and it had holes drilled in it

125. to cut down on wind resistance

126. and a... Little pine tar on the handle

127. for a no-slip grip.

128. ugh.

129. Good old spanky.

130. mom, what were you thinking?

131. Bobby, honey, I am so sorry.

132. I'm so... I just did not know what to do.

133. Dooley pants'd you.

134. That's what he does, and, when it happens

135. you pull up your pants and move on.

136. If you don't know that, no wonder you bombed

137. on your evaluation.

138. I never even spank our dog

139. not that your son is worse than our dog

140. because he's not, and we have a very, very good dog

141. so that speaks volumes for your son.

142. Mrs. Hill, please, we should apologize to you.

143. I'm sure stuart deserved it.

144. We know what a handful he can be.

145. Well, what are you saying?

146. You did good.

147. Hmm. Let's see.

148. Teacher's statement...

149. Response from the parents...

150. Okay. Looks like all our ducks are in a row.

151. Peggy, you're fired.

152. But... But the dooleys forgave me.

153. Hmm. Let's see.

154. Uh, there's nothing here about forgiveness.

155. There are procedures

156. for administering legal spankings

157. which you violated at every turn

158. and there are procedures for terminating a teacher

159. which I followed to a "t." emily?

160. I'm required to have

161. a hall monitor escort you off campus.

162. It's over, Mrs. Hill.

163. I'm sorry, ladies. looks like there's not going

164. to be a three-peat.

165. Oh, hank

166. what am I going to do?

167. Well, uh, I got you a book on designing software.

168. well, you had it all, peggy hill.

169. Hey, there, hank's wife.

170. What you crying for?

171. Got your monthlies?

172. Cotton, I am in no mood.

173. Why are you here?

174. V.f.w. Meeting and pancake supper.

175. So I need you to whip me up some pancakes—

176. A couple of hundred will do—

177. And as much syrup as you got.

178. Fine.

179. I will go make you 200 pancakes.

180. ah.

181. how's bobby?

182. He's just fine

183. but my information about bobby is a little dated.

184. He hasn't spoken to me since I got fired

185. for spanking a student.

186. What'd you do, kill him?

187. no. Ain't no law against spanking.

188. Tell you what.

189. I got a friend over to the v.f.w.

190. Used to principal at hank's school.

191. He'll have you back spanking in no time.

192. Oh, well, I just want my job back.

193. I'm not going to spank again.

194. Shut up before you talk me out of it.

195. In my 35 years at tom landry middle school

196. I spanked thousands of students

197. shaping their character and preparing them

198. to die in wars overseas.

199. Actually, I only spanked once.

200. Hell, she's just being modest.

201. She's the first teacher since they killed l.b.j.

202. To stand up to those draft dodgers.

203. All right, peggy, we're going to get you

204. back in that classroom.

205. Damn straight. yeah.

206. Step one: you got to meet the school board.

207. Old spanky.

208. go on. Take it.

209. It's yours. I got nobody to hit anymore.

210. Thanks for this terrific... Symbol

211. and for helping me get my job back.

212. All right, guys, let's hear it for paddlin' peggy!

213. take off your top!

214. Man 2: shut up, wendell!

215. That's tomorrow night.

216. Hi, guys.

217. Hank, I just had the most inspiring afternoon

218. with cotton and his army buddies.

219. They're going to circulate a petition

220. to help me get my job back.

221. I even have the support of your old principal jeter turbeville.

222. Jeter the beater?

223. Oh, god, what's that under your arm?

224. Old spanky. Can you believe they ever used something like this?

225. spanking was wrong then

226. and it's wrong now.

227. I say spare the rod and spo the child.

228. Dale, spare the rod and spoil the child means

229. you're in favor of spanking.

230. I don't think so.

231. Man, I tell you what.

232. Bring back those bad memories.

233. Talking 'bout ol' jeter the beater. Whack.

234. Man, ol' time, them pillows, man.

235. Well, I don't know.

236. My daddy spanked me every day

237. from when I was nine till I was 16

238. and I turned out okay.

239. Bastard.

240. Peggy.

241. Uh...

242. We sure do Miss you at landry.

243. Thanks.

244. I'm not a spanker, okay?

245. But if you can bring discipline

246. back into our school

247. then I am behind you 100%.

248. I wish I had the guts you do, sister.

249. I'm no hero.

250. Stuart dooley just caught me on a bad day.

251. Don't be modest.

252. You are an inspiration to all of us teachers

253. and that's why we signed that petition

254. in support of paddlin' peggy.

255. Oh, well, that's just those vets being silly.

256. Here. Have a button.

257. The school board vote

258. on reinstating mrs. Peggy hill passes.

259. all right, paddlin' peggy. walk tall, sister.

260. We did it, hank's wife.

261. Party at my house.

262. Pancakes for everyone.

263. take off your top!

264. Well, I'm off to work, mrs. Hill.

265. Me, too, Mr. Hill.

266. Uh, Mrs. Hill

267. why are you bringing the paddle?

268. Oh, I have to.

269. People are expecting it.

270. Besides, your father worked very hard

271. to put paddlin' peggy back in the classroom.

272. See, that's the thing...

273. My dad thinks you're going to use it.

274. Oh, hank, don't be silly, honey.

275. It's just a bluff.

276. I am going to scare my students exactly the way

277. president reagan scared hundreds of millions of russians

278. with his star wars death beam.

279. I Miss voting for that man.

280. Listen, I just want to apologize for what happened the other day.

281. I will never ever spank another student like that again...

282. Because now I have this.

283. but, of course, it will not be necessary to use this

284. because, well, now you all know I have it in me.

285. so, why don't we just start all over.

286. Yo soy...

287. Paddlin' peggy hill.

288. Mm-hmm.

289. El capital de uruguay

290. es montevideo.

291. Do you think she's going to use that paddle?

292. I don't know

293. but I'll tell you what...

294. Excuse me.

295. Should you be talking while I am talking?

296. Paddlin' peggy says, uh...

297. Oh, paddlin' peggy says

298. uh-uh-uh.

299. You got to do something about mom.

300. This whole paddlin' peggy shtick is really creepy.

301. Joseph won't even come over to play anymore

302. 'cause he says he's having nightmares

303. about that stupid paddle.

304. Did you hear that?

305. My son is dreaming

306. about getting spanked by your wife.

307. Well, that's not so unusual.

308. You got to get your woman in line.

309. Uh, peggy's kind of hard to talk to lately.

310. Well, she's feeling powerful now

311. so her body is producing

312. extra amounts of testosterone.

313. I bet if peggy wanted to, she could grow a mustache.

314. 'course, I don't know why she'd want to.

315. Guess who won

316. best french manicure at the beauty academy today?

317. Dad, can I go ride bikes with Joseph?

318. I thought we'd watch shark week

319. on the discovery channel.

320. Michael palin is hosting.

321. I don't want to.

322. But, honey, you love michael palin.

323. Are you coming down with something?

324. Let me feel your forehead.

325. I don't want to watch your stupid show, okay?

326. Bobby!

327. Well, what is wrong with him?

328. Probably nothing...

329. Or, uh...

330. Uh, it could be you...

331. And, uh... your whupping stick.

332. It's a paddle, and he has a name—

333. "old spanky."

334. Hank, do I tell you how to sell propane

335. and propane accessories?

336. Did I criticize you

337. for your big "spatula tuesday" fiasco?

338. No, I did not

339. because I respect you as a professional

340. and that is all I want, hank, just a little respect

341. but I guess that's too much to ask for

342. from you and bobby.

343. All right. it was sharona johnson.

344. It's not fair.

345. She works really hard.

346. Hank, channel 84

347. wants to do something on paddlin' peggy.

348. Where is old spanky?

349. Maybe you left it at work.

350. No, no.

351. I know I had it with me on the drive home.

352. I remember brandishing it

353. at this idiot who almost cut me off.

354. Oh, I've got to retrace my steps home.

355. Okay. I'm driving home...

356. Brandish, brandish, brandish...

357. Oh, god! I must have dropped it on the street!

358. Stop, peggy!

359. Would you look at yourself?

360. spanky!

361. Joseph gribble, did you put this here?

362. no.

363. Uh, Joseph, you are talking to paddlin' peggy here.

364. All right. What's going on?

365. your son stole my paddlin' peggy paddle.

366. This is the only thing that stands between

367. the arlen school system and complete chaos.

368. Apologize, you!

369. I didn't do anything.

370. All right. I am not all talk, you know?

371. You didn't apologize, so you chose your fate.

372. Somebody stop her!

373. Peggy, no!

374. I said I didn't do anything.

375. He's telling the truth, mom.

376. He was with me all day.

377. Well, somebody took it.

378. It was bill.

379. No, it wasn't.

380. All right. It was me. I took it.

381. Somebody had to stop you.

382. You're crazy.

383. Oh, my!

384. It's okay, son.

385. Daddy's here.

386. You big bully.

387. Oh, hank, what was I thinking?

388. The important thing is

389. your spanking days are over, right?

390. Well, so are my teaching days.

391. At least, until the day they makes pants

392. that cannot be pulled down by someone other than the wearer.

393. Sounds to me like you're scared.

394. You know, I have a little speech I've been saving

395. for the day bobby gets beat up by a bully

396. but I don't think that's ever going to happen.

397. Him and his darn prop comedy.

398. Every time the boy

399. gets into a jam, he shoves french fries up his nose

400. and makes a new friend.

401. Anyway, I think my speech might apply here.

402. Do you want to hear it?

403. Oh, hank, no.

404. You know, somewhere inside me

405. is the old peggy hill— the one who taught children

406. without scaring the bejeezus out of them.

407. I just need to find her again.

408. And then she freaked out

409. and she dropped the paddle

410. right in the middle of the alley.

411. Without that paddle

412. she looked just like bobby's mom.

413. that's the bell.

414. Buenos dias, clase.

415. Senor dooley, I thought you were suspended?

416. I thought you were fired.

417. oh, bygones are bygones, so, welcome back.

418. Well, I thought we might talk

419. about a special part of spanish history...

420. your feet are big.

421. paddlin' peggy, who don't you spank them?

422. Yeah, paddlin' peggy.

423. Fine. All you children are interested in is punishment

424. so I will teach you about punishment.

425. With this!

426. yes! Yes!

427. Oh, yeah!

428. spain, 1478.

429. The weapon of choice— the mace.

430. It was the beginning of the spanish inquisition.

431. Even though it was begun with the best of intentions

432. a number of very nice, innocent people

433. were brutally punished

434. and without a doubt

435. the worst thing about the spanish inquisition

436. was that nobody ever said they were sorry.

437. How were they punished?

438. Oh, all kinds of awful ways.

439. Like what?

440. Well, sometimes they would strike you with one of these.

441. Sometimes they would make you lie on a bed of spikes

442. and then pour boiling oil on you.

443. ooh!

444. Mm-hmm, and sometimes, they would tie your arms and legs

445. to four different horses and tear you apart.

446. cool.

447. Why, I feel like I'm being watched.

448. Joseph?

449. Jo-seph?

450. What?

451. careful, Joseph.

452. I'm just here to play with bobby.

453. I don't want any trouble.

454. I could use a little help

455. preparing the soil.

456. Why don't you spread the mulch?

457. What's it made out of?

458. Paddle.

459. And goat manure.

460. Tu eres muerto.