King of the Hill 3x10

Directed by Cyndi Tang-Loveland • Cyndi Tang

Earl Houston Bullock as Heck Dorland (voice) • Buddy Ebsen as Chet Elderson (voice) • Barry Corbin as Fire Chief (voice)

Hank and his friends become volunteer firefighters. They manage to wreck a fire hydrant, ruin a funeral, and finally burn down the Arlen firehouse. When the Fire Captain comes to ask what happened, the trio turns the story around to match each of their scenarios.

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!req King of the Hill 3x10 [02:32]
!req King of the Hill 3x10 [King of the Hill 3x10]
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For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req King of the Hill 3x10 [10-11]; !req King of the Hill 3x10 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. You guys are in big, big trouble.

2. This is the worst offense I've seen

3. in my 14 years as "C" fire investigator.

4. Dauterive, comma, William Fontaine Delatur, comma,

5. sergeant barber, comma, United States--

6. Comma, numbskull, comma, shut up.

7. - Well, gotta go. - Sit down!

8. Nobody's going anywhere until I find out how this happened.

9. Now, according to Heck Dorland's statement,

10. you were standing out behind your houses doing some light yard work.

11. Bill called. He's gonna be late.

12. New batch of recruits started at the base this morning. He's busy bagging hair.

13. There's old Heck Dorland taking the fire truck out for a spin.

14. Lucky bunny.

15. I'm a fireman! I'm a--

16. The professional firefighters got the red flu this morning,

17. leaving just us volunteers. They're holding out for a raise.

18. They're striking?

19. Well, sir, fires don't go on strike, I tell you what.

20. Heck came by the base looking for volunteers,

21. I was the only one the base commander let go.

22. What about the rest of you guys? You interested?

23. You talking about firemen, man? Dang old talking about, "Rampart 51."

24. Dang old Emergency. That dang old show's on tape, man. I love that.

25. Fact: Volunteer firemen receive sirens for their personal vehicles.

26. Fact: And we can use them whenever we want.

27. Fact!

28. Dale, sirens are only for fire emergencies.

29. Now, Heck, assuming I pass the required courses,

30. and notify my insurance company in writing,

31. will I get to drive the fire truck?

32. - You got any speeding tickets? - No, sir.

33. I do!

34. Wow, look at that.

35. Spoons. Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?

36. Bobby, your dad is a real fireman. What do you think about that?

37. I'm a little surprised.

38. You know, you always seemed to make such a big deal

39. about being a propane salesman.

40. I've got nights and weekends free. I could be a fireman, too.

41. She's right, Hank. Deputize her.

42. No, Luanne can't be a fireman.

43. What if a very large man was trapped in a burning building,

44. and she had to carry him out?

45. Then she would do a fireperson's carry,

46. formerly known as a "fireman's carry."

47. What's that?

48. It allows a woman to lift a man's weight

49. through a scientific principle that I like to call "leverage."

50. Come over here. I'll show you.

51. Oh, yeah!

52. Oh, no.

53. Peggy, are you okay?

54. Yes, of course I am. Okay, let's eat.

55. I'll start the water flow.

56. Gribble, you're nozzle man, so aim at the base of the flame.

57. - Come on, Dale! Straighten it out! - I can't!

58. Watch where you're aiming.

59. - Handle the hose! - What're you doing?

60. Pick it up!

61. Help!

62. Wasn't my fault. My mask fogged up.

63. Damn it, Dale. The safety and welfare of Arlen is at stake. Get serious.

64. Good idea, Beef. All right, it's time you boys met the Jaws.

65. Jaws of Life a.k.a. the Jaws.

66. Victim's trapped in a car, this baby will peel it like an orange.

67. Yeah? Let's see what it does with a real orange.

68. Heck, I thought I'd go ahead and sharpen all the axes.

69. ♪ Hank's a lumberjack And he's okay ♪

70. Relax, Hank. We're off the clock.

71. Say hello to Chet Elderson, one of Arlen's first volunteer firemen.

72. What an honor, sir. Hank Hill, propane and propane accessories.

73. Ain't you the idiot what blew up the Mega Lo Mart?

74. I was supposed to take my vacation that week. Idiot.

75. Actually, sir, the idiot you're thinking of was named Buckley.

76. Yeah, yeah. I'm retired now.

77. Who unplugged my sign?

78. Chet, you know you can't plug it in. It don't work right.

79. I'll get it for you.

80. - How did I do, Bobby? - Okay, go!

81. Oh, God.

82. That's good, boys. You keep playing firemen.

83. - Peggy. let me help you. - I'm fine. I've got it.

84. Did you hurt your leg? Because you seem to be limping.

85. I have not noticed a limp.

86. Maybe it's because I'm carrying a heavy bag.

87. Or maybe it has something to do with

88. when you pulled your groin picking me up.

89. Honey, I don't think that could be true,

90. since ladies do not have groins.

91. All right, let's talk about oxygen tanks.

92. The cylinder gauge should be within how many p.s.i. of the regulator gauge?

93. Anyone?

94. I am protesting the results of last night's Ping-Pong tournament.

95. Boomhauer cannot play the ball off of Bill's head.

96. No, we all agreed my head's in play.

97. In the first round,

98. the Dallas Cowboys select Bobby Hill, left tackle.

99. Hey, Dad.

100. I told you my dad was a fireman.

101. He's a volunteer.

102. Dad, we're muddy. Could you hose us off?

103. Sure, I'll open up the hydrant.

104. Dale, the hydrants are for fire emergencies.

105. They don't know how to open the hydrant.

106. Because they're volunteers.

107. Son, you're about to get very, very wet.

108. Fireman Gribble, drill time. Get me the hydrant wrench.

109. Mr. Boomhauer, I need you to run a 3-inch hose. Bill, hook it up.

110. It's stuck.

111. That's because you're turning it the wrong way. Give me the wrench.

112. No, wait.

113. Shut it off!

114. - Damn it, Dale, you stripped the bolt. - It wasn't me.

115. Get out of the dang old way, man.

116. Quit it, knucklehead. The Jaws ain't for that.

117. So you were the ones who busted that hydrant?

118. We got an anonymous call it was a bunch of kids.

119. Bunch of kids? I gave you names: Hill, Bobby, Gribble, Joseph.

120. - It was Dale's fault. - It was Dale who took the Jaws of Life.

121. Oh, God!

122. The hydrant's the least of our problems. He doesn't care about that.

123. He's right, I don't. You half-wits could be looking at jail time.

124. My name is Shackelford, Rusty Shackelford.

125. I refuse to speak without my attorney present.

126. I am Mr. Shackelford's attorney, Rusty Shackelford.

127. My client pleads insanity.

128. My name is Dauterive, comma, Bill, and I am also insane.

129. Gribble, you've had your phone call.

130. I know, but now I'm making one as Shackelford.

131. You see what I have to deal with?

132. Let's just get back to the matter at hand.

133. After you broke the fire hydrant...

134. Please, guys, we've been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here.

135. Now let's not do anything more to screw this up.

136. Now, how about running some ladder-carry drills?

137. Not interested. You pushed me aside,

138. made me look like a fool in front of my own flesh and blood.

139. Hey, Sage, plug in my Alamo sign, will you?

140. Better not, Dale. Remember, it doesn't work right.

141. I said not to.

142. I found a cupboard with all kinds of jerky in it.

143. You know, I'll bet we could use this lid as a Frisbee.

144. Catch, Hank.

145. What? That dang old ear, man. What do you think you're doing?

146. I mean, dang old Fatty Belt-buckle, man.

147. What the...

148. What's going on in here?

149. I'll take care of it. Boomhauer, put some ice on that ear.

150. Bill, you fix the window.

151. - Dale-- - No, no more orders.

152. Heck, I cannot work with this man here. I want a transfer.

153. Dale, shut up. You're acting like an idiot.

154. That's enough!

155. Now, either you guys get along, or I'll find four others who can.

156. Health care for striking firefighters!

157. Aunt Peggy, it looks like your groins are still hurting you.

158. I just need to spend the night icing it.

159. Thank God Hank's sleeping at the fire station tonight.

160. Why don't you just admit to him that you hurt yourself picking up Bobby?

161. Honey, you've never been married.

162. Now, who left the... What?

163. What the hell...

164. You can't use the fire hose like this. You'll damage the elasticity.

165. What you got under the foil, Mr. Party Pooper? Some party poop?

166. Peggy made some Frito pie for us.

167. Hey, yo.

168. Hey, Dale, I was ahead when Hank ruined our game.

169. - So I win, right? - Wrong. You automatically lose,

170. but I'll go double or nothing on the Ping-Pong court.

171. - All right. - Okay.

172. Okay, fellas, time to hit the hay. Knock it off.

173. - Game's not over yet. - Pick it up tomorrow.

174. Hey, man, heads up. I got old hot Frito pie, man.

175. Give me the ball, damn it.

176. There.

177. There.

178. Dang it, Bill, that was my only pair of glasses.

179. Dang it, Hank, that was our only ball.

180. Hey, man, I was dang old scarfing on that, man.

181. My face hurts.

182. And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it.

183. Get down here. I'm gonna...

184. No fair, Hank. I'm stuck.

185. Hey!

186. Good night.

187. Are you guys playing with that busted ball now?

188. I got bad news, men.

189. Chet Elderson died. Natural causes.

190. - What a shame. - Bummer, man.

191. Very sad.

192. For crying out loud!

193. Come on, Hank. Pick up the pace.

194. I can't see where I'm going. Damn you, Bill.

195. Dang old disrespectful, man. Lift, Bill, man.

196. I am! It's Dale, he's faking it.

197. Am not.

198. Dale, no wonder my end feels so heavy.

199. - Get your hands on the casket. - It's bad luck.

200. Told you it was bad luck.

201. - Hank, I want to offer-- - Don't.

202. I mean, I just wanted to--

203. No, you cannot speak to me ever again.

204. That goes for me, too, faker.

205. Why don't you eat some more pizza? That's all you ever do is eat pizza.

206. No wonder you're bald and your wife left you.

207. That old dang old amen, man.

208. Hey, I'm burned.

209. All of you, go to bed.

210. It's 4:00 in the afternoon.

211. What did I tell you about talking to me?

212. Stop the fighting!

213. This is no way to honor the memory of Chet Elderson.

214. I think I shall honor Chet's memory

215. by plugging in his beloved Alamo Beer sign.

216. Code 44: Goobersmooches Restaurant,

217. Engine 91, respond.

218. Code 44. Our first fire. Let's go. Move it out!

219. Fire's out, men.

220. Well...

221. That's good, I guess.

222. I was down the street having a plaque made.

223. I thought we'd rename the station "Chet Elderson Firehouse,"

224. since he didn't get a decent burial.

225. - They're calling all units. - Where is it?

226. Oh, my God!

227. Where do you want us, chief?

228. Back in the grave with Chet Elderson.

229. I hereby dedicate you the Chet Elderson Firehouse.

230. Sir, I've kept a journal of all the violations

231. these three nincompoops have committed,

232. and I'll be glad to turn it over--

233. I've read that journal. It's all lies.

234. Hank did it. Bill did it, too. I begged them not to.

235. God, you chicken-necked ass! I'll kill you!

236. For heaven's sake!

237. I thought you guys had reached your peak

238. when you pantsed Chet Elderson at his funeral.

239. But then you outdid yourself by burning down your own firehouse!

240. Not me. It was these screw-ups.

241. Maybe this is the wrong time to bring this up,

242. but we are only volunteers.

243. We're going to go over every minute of what happened

244. before you lamebrains left for Goobersmooches.

245. Then I'll know which one of you to bring up on charges.

246. Gribble, you first.

247. Well, as usual, I was performing

248. rigorous fire-safety checks on the station house.

249. Bill had his face buried in a French bread pizza.

250. Hank was giving orders for a change.

251. ...70 seconds to get yourselves squared away before I take...

252. And Boomhauer thought being a fireman

253. meant a chance to work on his tan.

254. Of course, he didn't realize his tanning lotion had been replaced

255. with some Icy Hot Hank bought...

256. for Peggy's humiliating groin pull.

257. But then the fire alarm went off.

258. And Boomhauer knocked over his tanning lamp...

259. as he bolted upright.

260. I raced for the fire truck with lightning speed.

261. That's all I remember.

262. No way, man. No Gribble old crazy crap, man.

263. I'll tell you what happened. The dang old truth.

264. Bill, man, threw the lid, boom, right on my ear, man.

265. Any day you want a dang old detector, man.

266. Gall-darn government take away freedom of smoke, man.

267. I'll tell you what, the dang old yo, man.

268. I'll tell you what, the dang old boy ain't right, man.

269. Talking about kicking some dang old ass, man, that old dang...

270. For God's sake, Hank, act like an adult, man.

271. And keep it down, guys, will you?

272. I'm trying to get through an article on vintage Camaros,

273. and I've been on the same dang page for 20 minutes.

274. Dang old pretty, pretty pizza. I would, I tell you what.

275. So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?

276. Not true.

277. Okay. I have a weakness for pizza.

278. I have a lot of weaknesses, actually.

279. But I distinctly remember turning off the toaster oven.

280. Let's see. Then I had myself a little dessert.

281. Oh, my.

282. Okay, so I turned off the toaster oven, just like I said.

283. What happened after the fire alarm went off?

284. I was in the garage getting bunkered out.

285. Dale was on the tailboard switching the oxygen tanks...

286. What do you mean switching the tanks?

287. Why would you switch the oxygen tanks?

288. Let's face it.

289. Me, Bill, and Boomhauer had no idea what we were doing.

290. You're the only real fireman among us.

291. I saw your tank was running low,

292. mine was full, and I knew you'd need every molecule of oxygen

293. to carry our charred bodies out of that raging inferno.

294. So the fire could have been caused

295. by Gribble's smoking, Boomhauer's tanning,

296. or Dauterive's incessant cooking.

297. It could have been, but it wasn't. And I'll tell you why it wasn't.

298. We had finally realized our boyhood dreams.

299. We had become firefighters.

300. Except instead of fighting fires, we were busy fighting each other.

301. Anyway, the fire alarm went off...

302. and I sprung into action. I switched off the lamp,

303. turned off the stove, and put out the cigarette.

304. I ran toward the fire truck and I saw Dale fiddling in the back.

305. I didn't know that he was busy switching the oxygen tanks.

306. Awfully nice thing of him to do since we weren't even on speaking terms.

307. Still aren't.

308. Then I put my blinker on to pull out.

309. Wait a minute.

310. I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror.

311. I know what caused the fires.

312. Somebody plugged in that stupid Alamo Beer sign.

313. And I'll tell you who that somebody had to be.

314. That somebody had to be...

315. - Chet Elderson. - I did not...

316. Chet Elderson!

317. Yup, Chet was always trying to plug it in. He loved that sign.

318. Burt the dang thing didn't work right. It threw off sparks and...

319. It was just a real fire hazard.

320. Isn't that right, Dale?

321. Yes, Chet Elderson must have plugged that sign in

322. the last time he was at the station.

323. What a moron! May he rest in peace.

324. - Right, Bill? - Right. Yeah, that sounds like Chet.

325. Tell you what, don't go dragging old Chet's name through the mud.

326. Old Dale's the one who did it, man. You ought to leave old Chet alone, man.

327. So, each and every one of you believes that Chet Elderson started that fire?

328. Well, it doesn't surprise me.

329. I told him a half a dozen times not to plug in that sign.

330. I don't know. Chet was one heck of a fireman.

331. I hate to soil his good name.

332. Guess we could just call it an electrical fire.

333. - Accidents do happen. - Good idea. That's what we'll do.

334. You're free to go.

335. I heard Mrs. Throckmorton's looking to hire four plumbers.

336. No!

337. It's all the beer we can drink.

338. - Okay, I could use a beer. - Yup.

339. Yup.

340. Oh, yeah!