King of the Hill 2x8

Directed by Tricia Garcia

John Ritter as Eugene Grandy (voice) • David Herman as Eustis Miller (voice) • Cheryl Holliday as Randy Miller (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice)

Bobby and Connie get in trouble at school. They skirt their ensuing punishment and are joined by Joseph, as they head to "The Caves". Hank and Kahn quickly pursue them, knowing that the caves are Arlen's make-out point.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Miss souphanousinphone,

2. please!

3. Now, let's all settle, Mr. Hill.

4. We're going to sing My Bonnie.

5. - d My Bonnie to me d. - D Go take a pee d.

6. What did I tell you two, Bobby, Connie?

7. This is the third time this week.

8. I've suffered through everything from old man liver

9. to the smell-o nose of Texas.

10. It's time we involved your parents.

11. Kahn, what are you doing here?

12. Oh, they framed Kahn, Jr.

13. I'm here to grease some palms.

14. You here to read the gas meter, Right?

15. That's your job?

16. No. I sell propane and propane accessories.

17. Bobby got in trouble, too.

18. I had to take off work.

19. Why? Where your wife?

20. She surrogate mother today?

21. Peggy is a substitute teacher.

22. Bobby, what's the idea of acting up in class?

23. Acting out, Mr. Hill.

24. We call it acting out.

25. I just sang a song parody, Dad

26. like weird Al Yankovic.

27. Bobby, Al Yankovic

28. blew his brains out in the late '80s

29. after people stopped buying his records.

30. He's not worth getting into trouble over.

31. Kahn, Jr.,

32. that Bobby dragging you down like a chicken fat anchor.

33. Time out! Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

34. It's all knitting together.

35. You see, Bobby and Connie's disruptive behaviors

36. stem from bad parental imaging at home.

37. You're saying it's my fault I'm here?

38. I won't play your blame game Mr. Hill.

39. Your son mocked a beautiful Scottish folk song.

40. We owe it to ourselves to find out why.

41. Yeah, he make a good point, Hank.

42. He says you're bad father.

43. No, no, no, you're not bad dads.

44. You have bad dad habits.

45. Gentlemen, let's try an active listening exercise.

46. Kahn, I want you to tell Hank

47. something you like about him

48. while Hank actively listens to the compliment.

49. Bobby, Connie… watch and learn.

50. It's your boy's fault we're here!

51. He bad crowd.

52. You punish him.

53. You don't worry about Bobby.

54. You just punish Kahn, Jr.

55. She's the mastermind behind all this.

56. Oh, there will be punishment.

57. Darn right, there'll be punishment.

58. Give me that.

59. Joseph says Bobby's in the doghouse.

60. How you going to punish him, Hank?

61. Well, sir, that boy's going to clean my rain gutters.

62. Well, whatever works for you.

63. I believe a child benefits more from the psychological approach.

64. When I need to correct Joseph, I tell him he's adopted.

65. You know, my dad used to punish me

66. by telling me I was a girl.

67. He used to make me wear dresses.

68. Pretty, pretty dresses.

69. Let's go, Bobby.

70. It's debt-paying time.

71. I wonder what old Kahn has in store for Kahn, Jr.

72. What the?

73. Kahn, what are you doing?

74. Mowing the lawn is a privilege not a punishment.

75. I'm putting fear of God into Kahn, Jr.

76. She learn what it like to be you.

77. You know, it's that kind of permissive parenting

78. that forfeited your country to the communists.

79. Bleh!

80. Ooh, baby birds.

81. Where's your mommy?

82. Ouch! Stop that!

83. Ow! I was being nice to them.

84. That's a roof, not American bandstand!

85. Oh, Hank, let him dance.

86. He's happy.

87. Ow! Ow! Ow!

88. Oh.

89. Tell you what, baby bird.

90. - Hi. - A bird pecked my head.

91. Ouch.

92. Parents are such a drag.

93. Yeah, they're always treating us like kids.

94. We're not children.

95. We're preteens…

96. Darn it.

97. Let's get out of this dump.

98. Do something fun.

99. Yeah… As long as we're back for supper.

100. My mom's fixing pork pockets.

101. Okay, it's a deal.

102. Let's boogie.

103. Why are you stopping?

104. We got to get Joseph.

105. I don't like Joseph.

106. He threw a dodge ball at me once.

107. Well, I'm sure he had a good reason.

108. Hey, Bobby, you want to do something?

109. Bobby already has plans with me.

110. Yeah, want to come?

111. Sure.

112. So, what do you guys want to do?

113. Well, we could go press the crosswalk buttons

114. and run away.

115. Cool.

116. Bobby and I don't like to do that.

117. Well, Bobby and me do.

118. We could go to the library and talk.

119. Yeah!

120. Yeah, why don't we just go back to school and wait for tomorrow?

121. Hey, hey, come on, guys.

122. Don't make this a contest for my friendship.

123. Now, I say we go to electric town and watch TV.

124. Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

125. We could go to the caves.

126. Oh. Come on, guys.

127. It'll be like sneaking into an R movie.

128. You've been to an R movie?

129. Yeah, but the only person naked was Harvey Keitel.

130. We should go for it.

131. The caves are probably dark.

132. Let's get butane lighters.

133. My dad says butane's a bastard gas.

134. I'm getting scented candles.

135. This one smells like leather pants.

136. I got tube chips and spray cheese.

137. They keep.

138. I got glow wands.

139. And panty hose for the lady.

140. What the heck are you doing?

141. Getting a dang ol' tan, man.

142. We just cleaned your gutters for you.

143. But that was Bobby's punishment.

144. Well, maybe you call it punishment.

145. I'd call it fun-ishment.

146. Where is Bobby?

147. Hey, Kahn, Jr.

148. Where are you?

149. Now it's starting to make some sense.

150. She did it again, Kahn.

151. Your little siren led my boy astray.

152. Your skinhead gone, too?

153. Boy, I tell you what, when I do find those kids,

154. they're going to be in real trouble now.

155. Have you seen Joseph?

156. He's not back with my pick six numbers,

157. and I'm starting to worry.

158. I can't win it if I'm not in it.

159. Yeah, the entrance is in the weeds somewhere.

160. The caves!

161. Hey! You shouldn't go in there.

162. Yeah, right.

163. Just play with your toy, Randy.

164. Later, loser.

165. Uh, wait.

166. Maybe Randy's right.

167. Bobby, if you're scared, you can stay out here.

168. You can pretend it's headquarters.

169. Hey! You want to watch me fly my plane?

170. Wait for me!

171. You'll be sorry!

172. You'll be so… ow!

173. First we look for Kahn Jr. At Contemporary Art Museum.

174. Oh, sorry.

175. Arlen doesn't have one.

176. Let's get one thing straight.

177. You may be driving, but I'm leading this posse.

178. And if forced, I will commandeer the vehicle.

179. Uh… what? Do you, do you see them?

180. Do you see them?

181. Please take pedal from metal.

182. They probably at the mall.

183. Oh, my heart is racing here, Minh. And when my heart races, my buick follows.

184. Calm down for Peggy Hill.

185. Look at my hand.

186. Still as a Monet water lily.

187. Well, being calm comes natural to you Buddhists.

188. So what if Connie's run away, huh?

189. She'll just come back as a grasshopper or a sea horse.

190. I'm so sorry, Minh. I, I'm just little on the edge.

191. Hey, look at this.

192. The boneyard. It's written in ancient English.

193. What's the boneyard?

194. I can't remember.

195. It's either the place where old people go to die

196. or young people go to make out.

197. Well, what if you're wrong,

198. and it's where young people go to die

199. and old people go to make out?

200. I told you Kahn Jr. not there.

201. Aha! Kahn Jr. go there.

202. No American child would run away to a sheet music store.

203. They do if they want to hide from hillbilly parent.

204. Last place you look… hillbilly.

205. I thought you and Minh were looking for Bobby and Connie.

206. Well, Minh decided she'd rather look for them in a taxi.

207. Oh, I am such a jumble.

208. Aunt Peggy, why don't you sit down at the TV for a minute

209. and clear your head?

210. Okay, but for just a moment.

211. Guess what?

212. Monsignor Martinez rented a sports car

213. in the name of those little babies.

214. Vaya con dios.

215. I don't think I can make it.

216. Yes, you can, Bobby.

217. Grab on to my shirt.

218. Hey, we did it.

219. We're in The boneyard.

220. Ooh.

221. Who's Frampton?

222. Score.

223. Playboy.

224. Great. I haven't seen this one.

225. I hope there's an article by Norman Mailer.

226. Oh, oh. Check this out.

227. Our unabashed dictionary defines heavy petting

228. as when things get out of control at a weight watcher's meeting.

229. He doesn't get it.

230. I'm starting to get things.

231. I thought the kids would be here sure as the world.

232. I'll be dipped.

233. Hey, Randy,

234. have you seen Bobby and Joseph and that Kahn Jr.?

235. Maybe. Maybe not.

236. What are you going to do?

237. We're going to tan their hides.

238. They're in the caves. I did the right thing.

239. I told them not to go. I did the right thing.

240. You heard him, Hank. We have no legal responsibility.

241. The caves?

242. Oh, my gosh!

243. Wait. What's the problem?

244. That's good news, right?

245. Now we know where they are.

246. No, Kahn. Heap bad news.

247. The caves are where Arlen teenagers go to make…

248. Well… whoopee.

249. Check it out.

250. It must have fallen off some woman.

251. Here, Connie. You can use this.

252. Thanks.

253. Hey, Connie, Connie.

254. I found you this.

255. Skoal, Yuck.

256. And I wrote you a song.

257. D I'm a skoal ma. d.

258. Yeah, that's great.

259. Dang.

260. Oh, that was our last candle.

261. I'm scared.

262. Me, too.

263. Me three.

264. Wait.

265. We've got glow wands.

266. Those are their bikes.

267. They're inside, all right.

268. Oh, God, I can't see.

269. I can't see.

270. We're all going to die!

271. Dale, you have your sunglasses on.

272. Got you.

273. Tell you what, Dale.

274. Why don't you go tell Peggy and Minh we're here

275. so they don't worry?

276. I notice my wife's name was not among those mentioned.

277. Am I to assume Nancy should continue worrying?

278. Aw, you go now!

279. Mayday!

280. Mayday!

281. Mayday!

282. Mayday!

283. The kids are in the caves!

284. Oh, my goodness!

285. That is where half of Arlen's unplanned pregnancies begin.

286. Hank and Khan have gone in to pry them apart.

287. Dear Lord, let them find those kids before I am in-laws with Minh.

288. Maybe we should get back now.

289. Yeah, I guess.

290. No, it's this way.

291. Isn't it?

292. No. We came in that way.

293. Oh! I think.

294. Oh, no.

295. Yeah, we're lost.

296. Take me to boneyard!

297. Hold on a second. I don't remember which way to go.

298. It's been a while. I need to get my bearings here.

299. While you get your bearings,

300. my child bearing your child's child.

301. Uh… Uh,

302. I, I think it's this way.

303. I can't stop.

304. It's out of my control.

305. Way to go. We're out of food.

306. I'm sorry.

307. When I'm upset, I get hungry.

308. We're all upset, Bobby.

309. But you're upset together,

310. and I'm upset all by myself.

311. I see things clearly now.

312. I'm going to grow up without anyone to love

313. and die friendless and alone like weird AL Yankovic.

314. I won't stand in your way.

315. When the time comes,

316. I want you to eat me.

317. You'd do that for us?

318. Of course, I would.

319. You're my best friends.

320. My body is my gift to you.

321. But it wouldn't have to be if you'd left us some of those chips.

322. Oh, Bobby, that is so kind

323. and, and brave.

324. Thank you.

325. I'm doing it for your children, too.

326. We have to think of them.

327. Oh, I'm starting to worry.

328. Hank and Khan should have found them by now.

329. Don't worry, Nancy.

330. I'm sure they're safe and not… exploring…

331. Each other's bodies.

332. Even if they are,

333. there's nothing that lovers do that could possibly take this long.

334. Am I right?

335. Yes, if you only consider your own needs.

336. Oh, gosh! I think I need a beer.

337. Uh… Honey, you want a beer?

338. - Yes. - Yes.

339. How did he know I wanted a beer?

340. Too narrow. Must go back.

341. We've got to go forward.

342. Come on, shove me, darn it.

343. Oh, no! Now I sticky with beer.

344. This worse birthday I ever had.

345. I didn't know it was your birthday.

346. Yeah. I'm 41.

347. You know, I think we're lost.

348. Oh, you think so, huh?

349. Dale will bring the fire department.

350. They'll find us.

351. That's great!

352. All hopes for survival pinned on Dale Gribble.

353. I'm going to die like English patient girlfriend.

354. Long, painful, boring death!

355. Well, if we're lost,

356. the kids are probably lost, too.

357. It make me nervous that Joseph with Kahn Jr.

358. His whole family like a Tennessee Williams play.

359. Well, Joseph's a good boy.

360. Say, why aren't you nervous about my Bobby?

361. Until puberty, he do no worse than hickey.

362. Besides, I know he a good boy.

363. I appreciate that, Khan, but I tell you what,

364. many a good boy's gone bad in the boneyard.

365. I shouldn't be telling you this, but it's where a lot of us

366. got to second base for the first time.

367. What you call second base?

368. Uh… heh-heh… well, where I come from it, uh…

369. It means, uh… Well, uh…

370. Meaning that…

371. You see, when two people are attracted to each other

372. uh… well, your hand…

373. Don't explain a home run.

374. You'll have a heart attack.

375. In Laos, we call it pa son pate.

376. Pa son pate.

377. I like it.

378. It sounds clean.

379. We need more good euphemisms like that in this country.

380. So tell me, uh…

381. Where did you hit your first pa son pate?

382. Louangphrabang city.

383. Wild town, man!

384. Spring break, and two out of three guys are monks.

385. Try not get some pa son pate.

386. Hey, Bobby, that sounds like your dad.

387. And that sounds like your dad, Connie.

388. It can't be.

389. They're not yelling at each other.

390. - Dad! - Bobby!

391. Khan Jr.!

392. Uh… Hello, Joseph.

393. Hey, Mr. Hill.

394. Well, well. Now we all together. Sit back and relax.

395. Wait for Dale Gribble to save us.

396. Son, stop that.

397. This is a desperate situation.

398. Besides, it's littering.

399. It's already litter, Dad.

400. Somebody else dropped it before us.

401. From up there.

402. Hey, there is a hole up there.

403. Look.

404. That could be our way out!

405. Hey, hold your fire up there!

406. Hey, man! What are you doing in the ol' Hank

407. doing down there in the boneyard?

408. Hey, get down in there, you go wander around

409. what's wrong with you, man?

410. Boomhauer, I can't understand a word you're saying!

411. Must be the echo.

412. Just get the fire department to lower a rope.

413. Hey, Hank. Ten-four to go to lower that rope.

414. Oh. Ooh.

415. Oh, my little golden child!

416. Ohh.

417. Okay, Hank, put Bobby's bike in the trunk.

418. And buckle Bobby into the center of the backseat

419. facing us so we can watch him.

420. Now, Peggy, he's not a baby anymore.

421. He's a pre-teen.

422. He and Joseph rode their bikes here.

423. They can ride them home.

424. Thanks, Dad.

425. Connie, you need a lift?

426. Yeah, Connie. You want a lift?

427. Khan Jr. you come with me.

428. We go get ice cream…

429. And tetanus shot.

430. I think Connie likes you.

431. Nuh-uh. She likes you.

432. The minute you said we could eat you

433. she was yours.

434. Well, maybe she likes both of us.

435. Yeah. Women have trouble choosing between guys sometimes.

436. They like to have their cake and eat it, too.

437. I hear you.

438. - Hey, Joseph. - Yeah?

439. Um… what were you eating under there?

440. Under where?

441. Ooh! You were eating underwear!

442. Shut up.

443. Boxers or briefs?

444. You're such a goof.

445. Boxers or briefs?

446. Long, painful, boring death!