1. You know why I like Shelwyn's?
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2. Because I can always find something I like.
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3. Like those work shoes.
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4. A fella could get a lot of work done
in shoes like that.
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5. Do you think those earrings
would look nice on me?
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6. You got to think practical, Peggy.
Earrings don't keep you warm.
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7. - I can't get these to work!
- Come on, son!
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8. It's not like there's a science
to doing up your pants.
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9. Try to work with these, honey.
They are on sale.
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10. Excuse me. Can you show us
how to operate these pants?
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11. We're having some trouble.
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12. Can I talk to you privately for a moment?
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13. I'm wondering if maybe...
Gee, how do I put this?
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14. Maybe it's not quite the right time
in your son's life for Shelwyn's.
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15. What are you talking about?
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16. I just wonder if he might feel
a bit more at home...
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17. at a store like H. Dumpty's.
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18. What's H. Dumpty's?
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19. H. Dumpty's is a store
with special sizes for special kids.
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20. Are you talking about a fat kids' store?
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21. That word won't win you any friends
at H. Dumpty's.
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22. Do you really think
Bobby is special in that way?
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23. Ma'am, for his height,
your son is a very special child.
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24. - Let's go tell Bobby he's fat.
- No, Hank.
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25. This is a very sensitive situation
for a little boy.
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26. We have to break it to him gently.
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27. Where are we going?
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28. We are going to a place
called H. Dumpty's, Bobby.
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29. What's that, a restaurant?
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30. It's a clothing store.
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31. - A different kind of clothing store.
- How is it different?
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32. Every snowflake is different
in its own beautiful God-given way.
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33. - Right, Hank?
- Sure.
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34. Some are a whole lot bigger than others.
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35. But that does not make them
any less beautiful.
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36. Are you taking me to the vet?
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37. Now, this is my kind of store!
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38. So many overalls.
Fun colors, too! Just super.
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39. You'd never guess they could stretch
as they do and still keep their shape.
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40. Must be using
some sort of advanced polymer.
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41. What do you think about that, boy?
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42. Why do they have
to expand so much?
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43. I don't know. For sports
and skateboarding and things like that.
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44. A juvenile is always
stretching his clothes, you see.
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45. These kids don't look
like they like sports.
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46. Sure they do.
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47. They're wearing
sneakers and baseball caps, aren't they?
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48. This is a fat kids' store.
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49. Bobby, we love you so much.
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50. - Oh, Lord!
- I don't wanna be here.
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51. Now, son, come on. It's no big deal.
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52. We're just shopping for clothes.
You've got nothing to feel bad about.
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53. In fact, you should be proud.
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54. You should be proud of who you are.
Yes, proud, because you are different...
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55. and being different is the best thing
in the whole wide world.
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56. Is that true, Dad?
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57. It sure is, son.
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58. What do you think?
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59. I think I have never seen such
a handsome young man in all of my life.
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60. These shorts fit. There's no lines.
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61. I'm dressed like a football coach!
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62. You call that a block?
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63. Look at me. I'm a minister!
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64. That's terrific, son.
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65. Excuse me. I'm Hal Dumpty,
the owner here at H. Dumpty's.
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66. I couldn't help noticing your son.
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67. I'm sorry for the disruption.
I'll give him a talking-to.
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68. - No, I love his enthusiasm.
- You do?
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69. I want you to know, son,
you look great in my clothes.
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70. We're about to put an ad
in the Arlen Bystander.
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71. - I'd like him to model for us.
- You want my son to be a fashion model?
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72. - Sure. Why not?
- Yeah, Dad. Why not?
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73. Because we're very busy.
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74. That's why. We've got a lot to do today.
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75. - The photo shoot's not until tomorrow.
- We have even less time then. Thank you.
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76. - What are we doing tomorrow, Hank?
- Something very special.
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77. I didn't have time to tell you about it,
that's how little time we have.
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78. This is a fat kids' store.
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79. Oh, Lord!
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80. Hey, Luanne! Don't I look handsome?
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81. Something looks different about you.
Did I cut your hair?
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82. I got new clothes. Watch this!
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83. No rips! We found a better store for me.
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84. All this time
I thought I was an extra-extra-large...
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85. but that's why my clothes never fit right.
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86. It turns out I'm a medium.
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87. Guess what else?
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88. They even wanted to take my picture
and be in an ad...
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89. on account of how handsome I look.
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90. You mean they want you to model?
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91. - Bobby, this is a dream come true.
- It is?
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92. Yeah.
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93. Bobby, models are
some of the happiest people on Earth.
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94. I like being happy.
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95. - Do you have someone to do your hair?
- I don't even have a ride.
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96. Well, I can drive you.
I'll be your driver /stylist.
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97. I'm working towards
getting my license in both.
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98. Hey, this isn't a restaurant review,
it's a paid advertisement.
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99. - Dad, a man took pictures of me.
- What?
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100. - I was a model for the H. Dumpty's ad.
- What?
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101. I thought we agreed
I was too busy for you to model.
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102. Luanne took me.
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103. Yeah, that's my favorite, too.
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104. That's the one that's going to be
in tomorrow's paper tomorrow.
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105. If you run that ad in your paper,
my son could never go back to school.
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106. You've seen his picture.
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107. You can tell he's not very good
with his fists.
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108. Morning, Bill.
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109. Did you come over
to have breakfast with me...
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110. 'cause you thought I was lonely?
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111. Sure.
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112. All right. I'll start grating the potaters.
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113. You know, I don't know...
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114. if you really want to make
too big of a deal out of this, Bobby.
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115. Why not? I got my picture taken,
I made $40...
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116. and they let me keep the underwear.
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117. I'm still wearing it, Dad.
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118. Okey-dokey.
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119. Thank you very much for calling.
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120. We certainly will.
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121. Okay, bye-bye.
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122. That was the second-biggest
talent agent in all of Arlen.
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123. He says he saw the ad,
and he wants to meet us.
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124. He says he can get Bobby lots of work.
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125. Wow! Where do I sign?
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126. Peggy.
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127. Why are you encouraging Bobby?
I'm trying to contain an outbreak here...
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128. and you're driving the monkey
to the airport.
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129. What's the harm
in letting him do something...
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130. - that makes him feel good about himself?
- What's the harm?
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131. Peggy, kids always victimize
the one who's different.
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132. Believe me, I know.
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133. Hey, Fatty. You are fat!
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134. Times have changed, thank goodness!
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135. In today's world,
we celebrate our differences.
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136. - Don't you watch TV?
- You know very well I watch TV.
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137. Maybe you should watch
a little more closely.
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138. The daytime talk shows are just full of
people who are standing up and saying:
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139. "I am different. I am proud of it.
Get used to it."
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140. I'm not saying Bobby shouldn't be proud.
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141. I'm just saying he should
keep it to himself.
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142. And if that means one day
he ends up on Oprah...
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143. with nothing to say, well, then so be it.
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144. Hank, look.
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145. Look how happy he is.
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146. I got my birth certificate,
a leaf I found...
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147. and now this.
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148. Do you really want to
take that away from him?
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149. Hey, take a seat.
Can I get you something? Water?
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150. It's in a bottle?
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151. When you reach the top, son,
you'll find most everything is. Ms. Hill?
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152. I'm not thirsty now, but thank you.
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153. The H. Dumpty's ad was a great start,
but I think with the right handling...
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154. you could be the next Andy Maynard.
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155. Hey, I've seen that guy!
He likes his sundae even on a Monday.
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156. I didn't even know he was real.
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157. He's real, all right. As in "real hot."
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158. Next week, I got him headlining
at the Little Junior Plus Fashion Show.
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159. - Is that something Bobby could do?
- One step at a time, Mrs. Hill.
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160. There's a catalog shoot tomorrow
for Caulfield's of Texas.
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161. They are launching a new line of clothing
called Gravitas.
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162. I want that account.
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163. Hey there, son.
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164. What do you say we toss the old pigskin
around? Get a little exercise?
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165. No, I don't think so, Dad.
I got a catalog shoot coming up.
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166. - I got to watch my shape.
- Tell you what.
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167. You play a little catch with your old man
this afternoon...
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168. and I'll buy you that album you want
by those guys I hate.
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169. Thanks, but I already got it.
My agent gave me an advance.
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170. I also got that bike helmet you said
you'd buy me if my grades improved.
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171. All raked and bagged, Bobby.
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172. - Thanks, Mr. Dauterive.
- No, thank you, sir.
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173. Hey, Hank.
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174. Raking the yard is your job, Bobby.
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175. I know, but I got a career
to think about now.
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176. The yard is raked, but this peanut butter's
not gonna eat itself.
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177. Back to work.
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178. We're off to the photo shoot, Hank.
See you there later.
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179. Photo shoot?
What's this about a photo shoot?
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180. Nothing. I'm just...
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181. getting some family portraits taken.
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182. So Family Boy is getting
his portrait taken.
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183. Did you bring your comb?
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184. - Funny.
- Yeah, man. I tell you what.
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185. Hank gets all prettied up and then
all combing his hair off to the side...
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186. like, "this is my good side,"
dang old pretty sissied out like that.
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187. You know, you guys ought to watch it.
Making fun of people like that...
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188. you could hurt their feelings.
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189. Bobby!
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190. Hey, Dad! You're just in time.
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191. We're coming off of five and now
we're gonna shoot another setup.
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192. Grab a plate and settle.
That means, "Be quiet."
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193. Do you have any idea how you look?
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194. On camera or off?
Because they're two very different things.
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195. Can we please have it quiet?
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196. Carlo is a little upset today.
He had a spat with Orlando.
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197. I am learning so much.
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198. - Over here, Hank.
- My God, Peggy...
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199. I feel like I've died and gone to New York!
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200. Come on, this is very exciting!
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201. I think Bobby may have found his calling.
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202. The director wants to put Bobby
in the Little Junior Plus Fashion Show.
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203. - The Little Junior what?
- Plus! It's this weekend.
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204. Orlando says they're going to broadcast it
on Arlen Cable Access.
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205. - But don't tell Carlo.
- No, don't tell Carlo.
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206. Why would I tell anything to Carlo?
Who the hell is Carlo?
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207. Okay. It's your birthday, yes?
You're older now.
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208. Where has the time gone, little man?
Yes, that's it.
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209. And you make a wish
for something magical.
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210. Don't tell!
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211. Run!
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212. Look at you go! Go to the 50, go to the 60.
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213. This is your Olympic dream come true.
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214. They try to tackle you,
but you won't let them...
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215. because you look too fantastic.
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216. Hey there, lifeguard!
Look at you. Up on your perch so high.
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217. All around you
they splash and splash, but not you.
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218. Cut! That's it! Go home, everybody.
None of this ever happened.
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219. - Hank, what are you doing?
- I'm not doing anything.
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220. I'm not even here. None of us are.
Let's go.
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221. - Hankie...
- No.
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222. - Dad...
- No!
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223. - Uncle...
- No!
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224. You don't even know
what I was gonna say.
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225. It's not fair. I've been looking forward
to this fashion show for hours.
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226. I wanna be a part of history. Please?
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227. Bobby, there are times
when a father knows best...
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228. and this is one of those times.
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229. My hair is caught in the door.
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230. It's really our fault, Peggy.
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231. Somewhere along the line,
we forgot to teach Bobby shame.
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232. I guess we can't count on the schools
for everything.
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233. Well, good night. And don't worry.
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234. By tomorrow, he will have forgotten
all about that fashion show.
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235. Morning, Peggy. Where's Bobby?
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236. - Don't tell me he's still sleeping.
- Well, why not?
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237. What's he got to wake up for?
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238. I'd better go talk to him.
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239. Bobby, I know you're probably
pretty upset with me right now...
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240. but one day you'll understand how much love
it takes to crush a little boy's dreams.
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241. What do you say we get up
and have some breakfast together?
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242. Bobby?
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243. Quick, Luanne. Bobby's run off!
You got to tell me where he is.
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244. Oh, no! Not you, too!
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245. I'm in a crisis situation here.
I got to go find Bobby.
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246. You two take turns
kicking each other's asses.
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247. I'm Bobby Hill. I'm here for the show.
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248. Bobby Hill. You're talent.
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249. Here's your complimentary tote bag.
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250. Toilet water.
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251. Cool! That's, like, for an emergency
or something, right?
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252. It does not matter
how fast you drive, Hank.
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253. We'll never get there on time.
We might as well face it.
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254. - We're missing his big moment.
- No, we're stopping his big moment.
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255. I didn't fill up with
89 octane for nothing.
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256. - What is this?
- It's a fashion show for plus-size boys.
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257. There's going to be music, a fog machine...
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258. and it all goes to benefit the schools.
Plus free doughnuts.
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259. We'll do it for the schools.
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260. Hey, you're Andy Maynard!
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261. I'm gonna be in the show with you.
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262. Don't put your stuff down there!
I called this whole makeup counter.
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263. - Did you get a free bag?
- Yeah. It's the worst one I've ever seen.
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264. - Do you want to get into trouble?
- No.
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265. Then get me a brownie.
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266. Relax, it's nothing I haven't seen before.
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267. Hey, never say
I don't hustle for you, Bobby.
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268. It's a done deal. You're going on first.
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269. First? Me?
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270. But what will Andy Maynard think?
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271. I'll tell you
what Andy Maynard thinks.
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272. Andy Maynard always goes on first.
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273. - Do you really think I'm ready for this?
- I don't think you're ready.
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274. I know you are.
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275. Now, go out there
and knock 'em dead, sailor boy.
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276. Are you gonna come quietly,
or do I carry you out baby-tantrum style?
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277. You can't make me leave, Dad.
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278. I'm going on first.
I've never been first in anything.
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279. Tell you what. You can be the first
to drop out of this show. Come on.
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280. Why are you always trying
to turn me into you?
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281. Why can't you accept me for who I am?
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282. We both saw that after-school special,
but I'm not an alcoholic...
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283. - and you're not an ice skater. So let's go.
- But it's not fair.
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284. Come on, son. I'm just trying
to keep you from being embarrassed.
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285. Is that what you're afraid of?
Or are you afraid you'll be embarrassed?
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286. Come on, Bobby, let's go.
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287. Are you too sexy for your shirt
or aren't you?
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288. I'm sorry, Mr. Stokes.
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289. I want to do the show
but my dad won't let me.
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290. I guess I'll never get my moment
in the spotlight.
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291. - Bobby, wait.
- Yes, Dad?
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292. Why don't you drape this poncho over you
till we get to the car?
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293. Ladies and gentlemen...
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294. the Arlen Galleriaplex
is proud to present...
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295. Fashions for a new millennium.
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296. No, let me go.
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297. I have to get out there
before the whale spouts confetti.
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298. See you later, navigator.
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299. Carlo, help!
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300. - Where do these go?
- Right here is fine.
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301. Wow, Dad!
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302. How did you know this was gonna happen?
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303. I just know something
about human nature, son.
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304. If you put teenagers
and husky boys and doughnuts...
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305. all in the same place,
you are just asking for trouble.
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306. I feel good right now.
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307. I feel like
this guy will get me out of anything.
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308. I'm gonna have Bill wash your car.
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309. It goes to show
a father knows what's best for his kid.
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310. And the mother, although well-meaning,
is usually wrong.
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311. Usually wrong?
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312. My lifetime average
is still higher than yours, mister.
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313. Or have you forgotten Soloflex?
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314. All right. No need to bring that up.
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315. "Don't worry, Peggy. I'll use it every day.
It's cheaper than going to the gym."
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316. Okay. You've made your point.
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317. Chest, shoulder and back."
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318. Okay!
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