King of the Hill 2x6

1. You know why I like Shelwyn's?

2. Because I can always find something I like.

3. Like those work shoes.

4. A fellow could get a lot of work done in shoes like that.

5. Do you think those earrings would look nice on me, Hank?

6. You got to think practical, Peggy.

7. Earrings don't keep you warm.

8. I can't get these to work.

9. Come on, son. It's not like there's a science

10. to doing up your pants.

11. Try to work with these, honey, they're on sale.

12. Excuse me.

13. Can you show us how to operate these pants?

14. We're having some trouble.

15. Uh… Well, can I talk to you privately for a moment?

16. I'm wondering if maybe…

17. Oh, gee, how do I put this? Um, well

18. maybe it's not quite the right time

19. in your son's life for Shelwyn's.

20. What are you talking about?

21. Well, I-I just wonder if he might feel a bit more at home

22. at a store like H. Dumpty's.

23. What's H. Dumpty's?

24. H. Dumpty's Is a store with special sizes for special kids.

25. Are you talking about a fat kids' store?

26. Oh, well, that word won't win you any friends

27. at H. Dumpty's.

28. Do you really think Bobby is

29. special in that way?

30. Ma'am,

31. for his height, your son is a very special child.

32. Well, let's go tell Bobby he's fat.

33. No, Hank!

34. This is a very sensitive situation for a little boy.

35. We have to break it to him gently.

36. Where are we going?

37. Well, we are going to a place called H. Dumpty's, Bobby.

38. What's that? A restaurant.

39. It's a clothing store.

40. Uh, a different kind of clothing store.

41. How is it different?

42. Well, every snowflake is different

43. in its own beautiful, God-given way.

44. Right, Hank?

45. Uh… Sure.

46. Some are a whole lot bigger than others.

47. But that does not make them any less beautiful.

48. Are you taking me to the vet?

49. Now this is my kind of store.

50. Mm-hmm.

51. So many overalls.

52. Fun colors, too. Just super.

53. You'd never guess they could stretch as they do

54. and still keep their shape.

55. Must be using some sort of advanced polymer.

56. What do you think about that, boy?

57. Why do they have to expand so much?

58. Oh, I don't know.

59. For sports and skateboarding and things like that.

60. A juvenile is always stretching his clothes, you see.

61. But these kids don't look like they like sports.

62. Oh, sure, they do.

63. They're wearing sneakers and baseball caps, aren't they?

64. This is a fat kids' store.

65. Oh, Bobby!

66. We love you so much.

67. Oh, lord.

68. I don't want to be here.

69. Now, son, come on, it's no big deal.

70. We're just shopping for clothes.

71. You've got nothing to feel bad about.

72. In fact, you should be proud.

73. You should be proud of who you are.

74. Yes, proud because you are different

75. and being different is the best thing in the whole wide world.

76. Is that true, Dad?

77. Uh… Uh…

78. It sure is, son.

79. It sure is.

80. What do you think?

81. I think I have never seen such a handsome young man

82. in all of my life.

83. These shorts fit.

84. There's no lines.

85. Hey, I'm dressed like a football coach.

86. You call that a block?

87. Look at me. I'm a minister.

88. That's terrific, son.

89. Uh, excuse me.

90. I'm Hal Dumpty, the owner here at H. Dumpty's.

91. I couldn't help noticing your son.

92. I'm sorry for the disruption. I'll give him a talking to.

93. No, no, no. I love his enthusiasm.

94. - You do? - Mm-hmm.

95. I want you to know, son,

96. you look great in my clothes.

97. We're about to put an ad in the Arlen bystander.

98. I'd like him to model for us.

99. You want my son to be a fashion model?

100. Sure. Why not?

101. Yeah, Dad. Why not?

102. Uh… Because, uh

103. because we're very, very busy.

104. That's why.

105. We've got a lot to do today.

106. Well, the photo shoot's not until tomorrow.

107. We have even less time then, thank you.

108. What are we doing tomorrow, Hank?

109. Something very special.

110. I didn't have time to tell you about it.

111. That's how little time we have.

112. This is a fat kids' store.

113. Oh, lord.

114. Hey, Luanne, don't I look handsome?

115. Hmm. Something looks different about you.

116. Did I cut your hair?

117. I got new clothes.

118. Watch this.

119. No rips.

120. We found a better store for me.

121. All this time, I thought I was an extra-extra large

122. but that's why my clothes never fit right.

123. Turns out I'm a medium.

124. Guess what else?

125. They even wanted to take my picture to be in an ad

126. on account of how handsome I look.

127. You mean they want you to model?

128. Bobby, this is a dream come true!

129. It is?

130. Oh, yeah.

131. Bobby, models are some of the happiest people on earth.

132. I like being happy.

133. Do you have someone to do your hair?

134. I don't even have a ride.

135. Well, I can drive you.

136. I'll be your driver, slash stylist.

137. I'm working towards getting my license in both.

138. Hey, this isn't a restaurant review.

139. It's a paid advertisement.

140. - Dad, a man took pictures of me! - What?

141. I was a model for the H. Dumpty's ad.

142. What? I thought we agreed I was too busy for you to model.

143. Luanne took me.

144. Oh, yeah, that's my favorite, too.

145. That's the one that's going to be in tomorrow's paper tomorrow.

146. If you run that ad in your paper,

147. my son could never go back to school.

148. You've seen his picture.

149. You can tell he's not very good with his fists.

150. Oh. Uh…

151. Morning, Bill.

152. Did you come over

153. to have breakfast with me 'cause you thought I was lonely?

154. Uh… Sure.

155. Alright.

156. I'll start grating the potatoes.

157. You know, uh, I don't know

158. if you really want to make too big of a deal out of this, Bobby.

159. Why not?

160. I got my picture taken, I made $40,

161. and they let me keep the underwear.

162. I'm still wearing it, Dad.

163. Uh-huh. Okey dokey.

164. Well, thank you very much for calling.

165. We… we certainly will.

166. Okay, bye-bye.

167. Well…

168. That was the second-biggest talent agent in all of Arlen.

169. He says he saw the ad,

170. and he wants to meet us.

171. He says he can get Bobby lots of work.

172. Wow! Where do I sign?

173. Uh… Peggy.

174. Why are you encouraging Bobby?

175. I'm trying to contain an outbreak here,

176. and you're driving the monkey to the airport.

177. What is the harm in letting Bobby

178. do something that makes him feel good about himself?

179. What's the harm?

180. Peggy, kids always victimize the one who's different.

181. Believe me, I know.

182. Hey, fatty, you are fat!

183. Well, times have changed, thank goodness.

184. In today's world, we celebrate our differences.

185. Don't you watch TV?

186. You know very well I watch TV.

187. Well, maybe you should watch a little more closely.

188. The daytime talk shows are just full of people

189. who are standing up and saying,

190. "I am different! I am proud of it!

191. Get used to it! Whoo!"

192. I'm not saying Bobby shouldn't be proud.

193. I'm just saying he should keep it to himself,

194. and if that means one day he ends up on Oprah

195. with nothing to say, well, then, so be it.

196. Hank, shh! Look. Look how happy he is.

197. I got my birth certificate, a leaf I found and now this.

198. Oh.

199. Do you really want to take that away from him?

200. Hey, take a seat. Can I get you something?

201. Water?

202. It's in a bottle?

203. When you reach the top, son,

204. you'll find most everything is.

205. Mrs. Hill?

206. I'm not thirsty now, but thank you.

207. The H. Dumpty's ad was a great start.

208. But I think with the right handling,

209. you could be the next Andy Maynard.

210. Hey, I've seen that guy!

211. He likes a sundae, even on a Monday.

212. I didn't even know he was real.

213. Well, he's real, all right, as in real hot.

214. Next week, I got him headlining at the little junior plus fashion show.

215. Is that something Bobby could do?

216. One step at a time, Mrs. Hill.

217. There's a catalog shoot tomorrow for Caulfield's of Texas.

218. They're launching a new line of clothing called gravitas.

219. I want that account.

220. Hey, there, son.

221. What do you say we toss the old pigskin around,

222. get a little exercise?

223. No, I don't think so, Dad.

224. I got a catalog shoot coming up.

225. I got to watch my shape.

226. Tell you what.

227. Play a little catch

228. with your old man this afternoon,

229. and I'll buy you that album you want by those guys I hate.

230. Thanks, but I already got it.

231. My agent gave me an advance.

232. I also got that bike helmet

233. you said you'd buy me ilf my grades improved.

234. All raked and bagged, Bobby.

235. Thanks, Mr. Dauterive.

236. No, thank you, sir.

237. Hey, Hank.

238. Raking the yard is your job, Bobby.

239. I know, but I got a career to think about now.

240. The yard is raked,

241. but this peanut butter's not going to eat itself.

242. Well, back to work.

243. Well, we are off to the photo shoot, Hank.

244. See you there later.

245. Photo shoot?

246. What's this about a photo shoot?

247. Uh… Nothing.

248. I'm just, uh

249. getting some family portraits taken.

250. Ah, so family boy's getting his portrait taken.

251. Whee!

252. Did you bring your comb?

253. Funny.

254. Yeah, man, I tell you what, man.

255. Hank gets all prettied up,

256. and then, all combin' his hair off to the side like this.

257. Like this my good side. Dang ol' pretty sissied out like that.

258. You know, you guys ought to watch it,

259. making fun of people like that.

260. You could hurt their feelings.

261. Urgh.

262. - Bobby! - Hey, Dad, you're just in time.

263. We're coming off from five,

264. and now we're going to shoot another setup.

265. Grab a plate and settle.

266. That means be quiet.

267. Do you have any idea how you look?

268. On camera or off?

269. Because they're two very different things.

270. Can we please have it quiet?

271. Carlo is a little upset today.

272. He had a spat with Orlando.

273. I am learning so much.

274. Yoo-hoo! Over here, Hank!

275. My god, Peggy

276. I feel like I've died and gone to New York.

277. Come on, this is very exciting.

278. I think Bobby may have found his calling.

279. The director wants to put Bobby

280. in the little junior plus fashion show!

281. The little junior what?

282. Plus! It's this weekend!

283. Now, Orlando says they're going to broadcast it

284. on Arlen cable access.

285. But don't tell Carlo.

286. Don't tell Carlo.

287. Why would I tell anything to Carlo?

288. Who the hell is Carlo?

289. Okay.

290. It's your birthday, yes?

291. You're older now.

292. Where has the time gone, little man? Yes, that's it!

293. And you make a wish

294. for something magical.

295. Don't tell!

296. Run! Run! Run, you.

297. Look at you go!

298. Go to the 50! Go to the 60!

299. This is your olympic dream come true!

300. They try to tackle you, but you won't let them

301. because you look too fantastic.

302. Hey there, lifeguard!

303. Look at you,

304. up on your perch so high.

305. All around you they splash and splash,

306. but not you.

307. Cut! Cut!

308. That's it. Go home, everybody.

309. None of this ever happened.

310. Hank, what are you doing?

311. I'm not doing anything.

312. I'm not even here, none of us are.

313. Let's go.

314. Hankie…

315. No!

316. - Dad… - No!

317. - Uncle… - No!

318. You don't even know what I was going to say.

319. It's not fair!

320. I've been looking forward to this fashion show for hours.

321. I want to be a part of history.

322. Please?

323. Bobby, there are times when a father knows best,

324. and this is one of those times.

325. My hair is caught in the door.

326. It's really our fault, Peggy.

327. Somewhere along the line,

328. we forgot to teach Bobby shame.

329. I guess we can't count on the schools for everything.

330. Well, good night and don't worry.

331. By tomorrow, he'll have forgotten

332. all about that fashion show.

333. Morning. Where's Bobby?

334. Don't tell me he's still sleeping.

335. Well, why not?

336. What's he got to wake up for?

337. I better go talk to him.

338. Bobby, I know you're probably pretty upset with me right now,

339. but one day you'll understand how much love it takes

340. to crush a little boy's dreams.

341. Now what do you say we get up and have some breakfast together?

342. Bobby?

343. Quick, Luanne, Bobby's run off!

344. You got to tell me where he is!

345. Oh, no, not you, too.

346. I'm in a crisis situation here.

347. I got to go find Bobby.

348. You two take turns kicking each other's arses.

349. I'm Bobby Hill.

350. I'm here for the show.

351. Ah, yes. Bobby Hill.

352. You are talent.

353. Oh.

354. Here is your complimentary tote bag.

355. Toilet water.

356. Cool. That's like for an emergency or something, right?

357. It does not matter how fast you drive, Hank.

358. We will never get there on time.

359. We might as well face it, we're missing his big moment.

360. No, we're stopping his big moment.

361. I didn't fill up with 89 octane for nothing.

362. What is this?

363. It's a fashion show for plus-sized boys.

364. There's going to be music and a fog machine,

365. and it goes to benefit the schools.

366. Plus free donuts.

367. We'll do it for the schools.

368. Hey, you're Andy Maynard.

369. Duh.

370. I'm going to be in the show with you.

371. Hey, don't put your stuff down there.

372. I called this whole makeup counter.

373. Did you get a free bag?

374. Yeah. Blah.

375. It's the worst one I've ever seen.

376. Yeah.

377. - Hey, you want to get into trouble? - No.

378. Then get me a brownie.

379. Hey.

380. Hey.

381. Relax, relax. It's nothing I haven't seen before.

382. Ugh!

383. Hey, never say I don't hustle for you, Bobby.

384. It's a done deal.

385. You're going on first.

386. First? Me?

387. But what will Andy Maynard think?

388. I'll tell you what Andy Maynard thinks.

389. Andy maynard always goes on first.

390. Do you really think I'm ready for this?

391. I don't think you're ready.

392. I know you are.

393. Now got out there

394. and knock 'em dead, sailor boy.

395. Are you going to come quietly,

396. or do I carry you out baby-tantrum style?

397. You can't make me leave, Dad.

398. I'm going on first.

399. I've never been first in anything.

400. Tell you what. You can be the first to drop out of this show. Come on.

401. Why are you always trying to turn me into you?

402. Why can't you accept me for who I am?

403. Yeah, yeah,

404. we both saw that after-school special,

405. but I'm not an alcoholic, and you're not an ice skater.

406. So let's go.

407. But it's not fair!

408. Oh, come on, son.

409. I'm just trying to keep you from being embarrassed.

410. Is that what you're afraid of, or are you afraid

411. you'll be embarrassed?

412. Come on, Bobby, let's go.

413. Are you too sexy for your shirt or aren't you?

414. I'm sorry, Mr. Stokes.

415. I want to do the show, but my dad won't let me.

416. I guess I'll never get my moment in the spotlight.

417. Bobby, wait.

418. Yes, Dad?

419. Why don't you drape this poncho over you till we get to the car.

420. Ladies and gentlemen.

421. The Arlen galleria-plex is proud to present

422. little junior plus

423. fashions for a new millennium!

424. No! No! Let me go!

425. I have to get out there before the whale spouts confetti!

426. See you later, navigator.

427. Carlo! Carlo! Help!

428. Oh…

429. Hey, where do these go?

430. Right here is fine.

431. Wow, Dad.

432. How did you know this was going to happen?

433. Well, I just know something about human nature, son.

434. If you put teenagers and husky boys and donuts

435. all in the same place, you're just asking for trouble.

436. I feel good right now.

437. I feel like this guy'll get me out of anything.

438. I'm going to have Bill wash your car.

439. It goes to show a father knows what's best for his kid

440. and the mother, although well-meaning

441. is usually wrong.

442. Usually wrong?

443. My lifetime average is still higher than yours, mister,

444. or have you forgotten solo flex?

445. All right, no need to bring that up.

446. Don't worry, Peggy.

447. I'll use it everyday.

448. It's cheaper than going to the gym.

449. Okay, you've made your point.

450. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, chest, shoulder and back.

451. Okay!