King of the Hill 2x22

Directed by Jeff Myers

Ani DiFranco as Emily (voice) • Tammy Wynette as Tilly Hill (voice) • Beth Grant as Nurse (voice) • Maurice LaMarche as Gary (voice)

After Bobby eats too much sugar one morning, he is mistakenly diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Feeling guilty about not spending enough time with her son, Peggy decides to give up teaching and be a stay-at-home mother, a decision Hank fully approves of. But Peggy is so bored at home that she starts taking guitar lessons, and composes a symbolic song about a turtle trapped in her shell. Meanwhile, Bobby takes pills for his ADD, and Luanne becomes convinced that she caught ADD from Bobby.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. ? [rock 'n' roll music playing]

2. granma, you put the cookie s back in breakfast.

3. Oh, my goodness, the time! I am field-tripping in an hour

4. and I can't remember any good songs for the bus

5. now, what does that john jacob jingleheimer schmidt do again?

6. He goes out, people shout.

7. Not a whole lot more is known about him

8. I'm sorry, honey, but I don't have time to cook you breakfast.

9. Here. Promise me that you'll eat 2 bowls.

10. It is the most important meal of the day.

11. ok.

12. I love you, granma

13. mornin', son. Did your mom have time

14. to cook you breakfast before she left?

15. Nope.

16. Oh, jeez.

17. We got any cereal?

18. I believe we do.

19. What is that? Oatmeal? Ugh !

20. better put some sugar on that.

21. all right. Now , as you all know,

22. mother's day is coming up.

23. And I thought it might be fun to talk about

24. some of the famous mom s throughout history who—

25. Owned slaves!

26. Uh, no, what I was going to—

27. Going to say.

28. yes.

29. What I was going to say—

30. Going to say. Going to say.

31. We heard the preview, now get to the feature!

32. Bobby.

33. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.

34. I think you had better see the nurse.

35. ok.

36. n mr. Hill, I've diagnosed your so

37. with attention deficit disorder.

38. He's probably had it for years.

39. What?

40. Well, how come nobody ever noticed this before?

41. Very few people have acces s to the pamphlets I do.

42. Here. Take one.

43. you know, I've noticed the boy's mind

44. wander sometimes when I'm lecturin' him.

45. A mental disorder would explain that.

46. Personally, I recommend putting him on

47. one of the many popular a.d.d. Medications now available.

48. I don't like the idea of puttin' my boy on drugs.

49. Isn't there some kind of operation?

50. Your only other option is to send him

51. to the special school across town.

52. He'll have to wear a uniform. Can he button his own shirt?

53. You bastards.

54. ritalin, cylert,

55. tofranil, desipramine.

56. All sounds like goofathol to me.

57. What if this is all my fault?

58. A mother should be there for her baby

59. when he's in trouble, not halfway across town.

60. Oh, sure, I'm a hotsho t substitute teacher,

61. but sometimes I don't even have time to make my own son breakfast.

62. ha!

63. Well, it is called "attention deficit disorder."

64. Maybe the boy's not gettin' enough attention.

65. Sometimes I think I should just quit my job

66. and devote myself full-time to bein' a mother.

67. But you know, what am I saying?

68. Quit my job? That's crazy talk.

69. Now, wait a minute, peggy. "crazy" is a very strong word.

70. You're just thinking out loud.

71. Bobby is crazy.

72. I'll tell you what, peggy. My own mom never worked in her life.

73. Home, that's what mattered to her.

74. And she just kept makin' it stronger every day until the divorce.

75. Well, I will save some money

76. on faculty-roo m football pools

77. and I can get another year out of these glasses.

78. Maybe we can try It a little while,

79. for bobby's sake.

80. Hank, if you'll support me on this,

81. baby, I'll do it.

82. now, the main thing is not to worry.

83. What you have is, well,

84. technically, they call it a disease.

85. A disease?

86. But not a regular disease, like you get in your body.

87. It's a much more

88. rare disease, in your brain.

89. Now, I know we've talked a lot

90. about how you should never do drugs

91. but from now on you'll be taking medication after every meal.

92. So, do I smoke it or snort it or what?

93. It's a pill, bobby.

94. So, I guess I'll just pop it then.

95. You will not "pop" it.

96. You will place it in your mouth.

97. Bobby,

98. do you know who I am?

99. I'm lu-anne.

100. Remember?

101. He has a.d.d., luanne.

102. He didn't get hit in the head with a coconut.

103. here you go, my little angel.

104. Now that I'm not working, I had time to make you pancakes

105. and we've got eggs and bacon

106. arranged in 1 of 3 facial expressions,

107. depending upon your mood.

108. Well, I guess I'll take happy

109. as in "happy about this old-fashioned family breakfast."

110. I had better go soon, or I'm gonna Miss my bus.

111. oh.

112. But I made...

113. Well, bobby, this is it.

114. You're gonna take your first pill now

115. and in about a half-hour you should

116. find yourself real interested in stuff

117. that would normally bore the pants off you.

118. Round and round and round it goes,

119. when he eats it, nobody knows.

120. Well, what have we here?

121. Just pop the pill, bobby.

122. Feel anything yet?

123. starting to.

124. anyway, and then after I sent him off to school, I did a bunch of errands

125. and I still had time to submit a quotable quote to reader's digest.

126. "some people like to stay as busy as a bee

127. but I like to stay as busy as a b-plus."

128. oh,

129. but you know, I almost worry I have too much time now.

130. That can be a problem, peg.

131. Myself, I clip coupons

132. I think we'd all go a little crazy without coupons.

133. oh, that's funny.

134. there are 96 ridges

135. on every checker

136. except this one.

137. family game time. I love it.

138. So, how was your day, peggy?

139. Well, I bought an ice cube tray.

140. Then I took it back.

141. Well, I tell you what, I think I may get out the guitar

142. and have a family sing-along tonight,

143. just like we used to, that one time.

144. Just gotta drop by earl's and get betsy some new strings.

145. You're leaving the house?

146. You don't have to come, peggy.

147. I'm sure you've had a full day.

148. you just stay here and relax.

149. Let's go!

150. Funny. I never saw peggy as the stay-at-home type.

151. Well, she's got 2 full-time jobs now.

152. Wife and mother.

153. It's longer hours and less pay,

154. but you don't hear me complainin'.

155. ah!

156. seriously, though, we're lovin' it.

157. hmm!

158. so, you know a few chords already then?

159. Huh? Oh, yes.

160. I have picked up a couple from my husband, and that...

161. is that a tattoo?

162. Uh-huh. You like it?

163. Do I like it?

164. oh, my!

165. So, what makes you want to play music, peggy?

166. Well, my husband and I recently had to make

167. a choice between our child and my career.

168. And it's left me with some time to fill.

169. Filling time.

170. Yeah, that's what I though t I was doing when I started playing music.

171. Turned out I was really looking for a voice to scream with.

172. Well, I don't know if my husband would appreciate screaming in the house

173. but, let's see...

174. well, he might have to get used to it.

175. there's some milk in the fridge

176. that's about to go bad.

177. and there it goes.

178. I wish I had those miracle smart pills.

179. You know, the way peggy's been bakin',

180. there won't be a windowsill in our house

181. that doesn't have a pie coolin' on it.

182. I tell you, family values are in again at the hill house.

183. Yeah, you're a lucky man, hank.

184. You know, my ex-wife, she was a careerist, you know.

185. And one day I had to say to her, "honey, make a choice.

186. It's either me or the motivational poster industry."

187. Boy, I wish I hadn't said that

188. you know what the root of the problem is, don't you?

189. Feminism. Gloria steinbrenner, that's what started it.

190. hey, I'm looking for the hill house.

191. The hank hill house?

192. The peggy hill house.

193. I'm her guitar teacher.

194. Oh, just go right around to the front.

195. I thought you said family values were in at your house.

196. Yeah, hank. That gal there,

197. she's dressed kinda pro-choice.

198. Here's one for practicing c and g

199. you said you wanted stuff with strong lyrics?

200. That's right. But no cursing,

201. and no cop killing.

202. I'm sorry, but that is just how I was raised.

203. Maybe you ought to try writing a song of your own, peggy.

204. I bet a woman in your situation would have a lot to say.

205. And what situation is that?

206. Well, you know , having to give up your life's work

207. to make things easier for the rest of your family.

208. Yeah, I suppose a situation like that should make me want to sing.

209. Oh, come to think of it,

210. yesterday, the oddest little tune popped into my head.

211. It's sort of silly but,

212. well, you'll tell me if you think there's something to it.

213. ? There once was a turtle?

214. ? That lived in her shell?

215. ? The shell was her home?

216. ? ? And her prison as well?

217. Whoa!

218. There's definitely something to that.

219. Really? Well, thank you.

220. You know, I had a feeling it was very, very good.

221. "every girl band deserves funding."

222. Great. I will remember that.

223. So, your guitar teacher looks pretty interesting.

224. And by "interesting," I mean "weird."

225. Well, she is weird.

226. And by "weird," I mean "interesting."

227. I invited her over for dinner tomorrow.

228. What? Now, why in the worl d would you do something like that?

229. Well, because she has a tattoo, hank.

230. Don't you think a girl like that could use a home-cooked meal?

231. you know, emily, hank plays guitar, too.

232. He has a guild solid top, 1963.

233. oh, I wouldn't think of touching betsy.

234. You named your guitar betsy?

235. Yup. It's one of my most precious possessions.

236. Interesting.

237. when's my next pill?

238. Not until after dinner, honey.

239. I'm gonna take a little nap, please.

240. Paying attention all day tires me out.

241. so, emily,

242. peggy tells me you've been helpin' he r write music,

243. workin' with her, and puttin' ideas in her head and such.

244. You know, I was thinking about that turtle song of yours.

245. If you come up with more verses,

246. you can sing it at my mother's day recital.

247. You mean in front of people?

248. Oh, well, I do Miss performing.

249. it's one of the reasons children love school.

250. Yeah, the recital's a pretty casual thing.

251. Me and some of my students take over the back room at earl's,

252. drink some wine, play songs, just kind of take a little potshot at the holiday.

253. Why would anyone wanna take a potshot at mother's day?

254. Well, it's kind of bizarre, don't you think?

255. The greeting card companies invented this holiday in 1914.

256. And now the whole country celebrates another stereotype

257. of what women are supposed to be.

258. You're not married, are you, emily?

259. So, this recital, what time would it be?

260. don't answer that.

261. We already have plans for mother's day.

262. Peggy's starting an exciting new life as a homemaker

263. and to celebrate, we are having brunch.

264. But brunch can be almost anytime, can't it?

265. I mean, that's the magic of brunch.

266. But not just brunch, either.

267. It's gonna be a whole day where you won't have t o lift a finger.

268. Just let us take care of everything.

269. So, she won't have to use her brain at all, then.

270. That's right.

271. Interesting.

272. oh!

273. well, bobby, it's time for your next pill.

274. ? The turtle got frightened?

275. ? And wanted to hide?

276. ? So she tucked her head?

277. ? Into the safety inside?

278. hank, you are groaning every time I sing a line.

279. Oh, am I? I'm sorry.

280. Do you like my song?

281. Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure I get it.

282. There's nothing to get. It's just a song about a turtle.

283. Yeah, but I think I know somethin' about music,

284. having listened to it a lot.

285. And I tell you one thing, you need to put something upbeat in there.

286. Upbeat? No. No. That would never work in this song.

287. Sure, it would. You just tack somethin g on at the end

288. where it all works out

289. for instance, the girl turtle

290. could meet a guy turtl e and fall in love.

291. See, then the song is really about somethin'. Can you see that?

292. Oh, please, that is so old-fashioned, hank.

293. Yes. Old-fashioned , as in "good."

294. luanne's home.

295. I just don't understand why you have to keep singing

296. that depressing turtle song.

297. I don't know, either, hank, but I do.

298. I feel very strange lately.

299. Last night, I dreamt we had 20 children.

300. Peggy, you know I can't give you more children.

301. I have a narrow urethra.

302. Hank, I don't think that's what it meant at all!

303. Well, forgive me, but I don't know what anything means anymore.

304. but it sounds like you'd rather play

305. s punk music with your hippie friend

306. on boring old mother's day

307. well, it is my day. I should be able to do whatever I want!

308. Not whatever you want.

309. You can't kill a man.

310. Then you'd end up in prison.

311. And with that attitude, they'll put you in the hole!

312. happy mother's day, mom.

313. I wish I was there to shake your hand in person.

314. So, where are you kids having brunch today? Luly's? Joe-bo's?

315. We're not doing brunch, mom.

316. Peggy decided she'd rather go to a rock concert.

317. On mother's day? Why?

318. I don't know. Peggy's just not like you, I guess.

319. You devoted your whole lif e to raising me.

320. well, actually, hank, I took odd jobs,

321. you know, as often as I could

322. just to get out of the house.

323. Don't you remember that year I drove a taxi?

324. No. Oh, wait a minute.

325. I remember you had a yellow car when I was little.

326. Oh, hank, I gotta go.

327. Uh, gary's here with my mother's day present.

328. But wait, mom-

329. I love you too, honey. Gotta go.

330. I hope you like it

331. I can't return it.

332. I tried to study for my beauty exam,

333. but I couldn't concentrate.

334. And then I tried to figure out why,

335. and I got bored.

336. You must have caught my a.d.d.

337. And I know when, too. It was that time I sneezed in your face.

338. oh.

339. I don't remember that.

340. Well, you were asleep.

341. Bobby, I've got a test tomorrow mornin',

342. or afternoon, or evenin', or somethin'. Bobby, I need that pill!

343. hey, man, hank, I tell you, man,

344. you don't remember this little old lady right here, man?

345. I certainly do. Happy mother's day, mrs. Boomhauer.

346. I tell you what, hank, I come around here, like that

347. and then for dang ol' brunch. I raised this boy right.

348. He was just a little old thing.

349. It's like the best dang day of the year.

350. ? Met a guy in my boxing class?

351. ? I slept with him before I kicked his ass?

352. rowdy crowd.

353. Just remember, peggy, you came here because you have something to say.

354. It might be complex—

355. Turtles are complex. Yes, they are.

356. But when you say something from the heart, it always comes out right.

357. That was quotably quoted, my friend. Quotably quoted.

358. hi, mom.

359. Bobby, honey, what are you doing here?

360. Well, we figured today was your special day.

361. And since you're singin' a special song,

362. we thought you should have a special guitar to play it on.

363. Betsy.

364. Hey, I want you to give a lot of support to our next artist,

365. peggy hill, everybody!

366. peggy's here to sing a song about how a woman feels

367. when the world tells her who she has to be.

368. huh?

369. Oh, no, actually, I'm singing the one

370. about the turtle that's stuck in her shell.

371. and I'd like to dedicate this to my husband.

372. ? There once was a turtle?

373. ? Who lived in her shell?

374. ? The shell was her home?

375. ? And her prison as well?

376. ? One day she got frightened?

377. ? She wanted to hide?

378. ? So she tucked her head?

379. ? Into the safety inside?

380. that's right!

381. ? But then came a moment?

382. ? Of terrible doubt?

383. ? She could not find any?

384. ? Head hole to poke out?

385. get rid of that control freak.

386. leave him!

387. fight corporate, white-male oppression.

388. I thought the song was just about a turtle, dad.

389. Yeah, I did, too.

390. I'm—I'm sorry.

391. I—I'm just a little bit flustered.

392. wake up, girl.

393. Speak your mind.

394. Look what he's doing to you.

395. I got a number—

396. You can do it, peggy. From the heart.

397. ? But a miracle saved her?

398. ? Be-before her heart sank?

399. ? The magical love?

400. ? Of a turtle named?

401. ? Hank?

402. Thank you.

403. yes!

404. oh, man!

405. Kinda copped out at the end there, didn't she?

406. Now, that gal can write music.

407. maybe the problem is,

408. you've got too muc h mother in you.

409. oh, go on.

410. One kid was plenty for my mom, but you're different.

411. If you're not nurturing 20 , 30 kids at once,

412. you start to lose your edge,

413. and how's that goo d for the boy?

414. Well, maybe I could try teaching again.

415. Sure. And in the meantime, we can keep bobby on the medicine.

416. I tell you, today, I really noticed his behavior improve.

417. Uh, I didn't take my medicine today.

418. What?

419. Why not, honey?

420. 'cause luanne needed it badly.

421. And anyway, I can't take the rush anymore.

422. It's too fast and, like, freezy. You know, it's like...

423. welcome home. I cooked you brunch, and I tuned your car,

424. fixed your mower, and ate the brunch.

425. hmm!

426. Maybe we should read a little more about that medicine, hank.

427. Yeah, couldn't hurt.

428. ? [rock 'n' roll music playing]

429. and there it goes.