1. Yawn!
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2. Mornin' hun.
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3. Mornin' uncle Hank.
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4. O..ha..a.ha. ah!
I..I called you hun and I'm naked.
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5. A.. ha!
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6. I'm sorry uncle Hank.
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7. What are you touching?
those are my personal under garments.
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8. Na. ah! some of them are mine.
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9. Will you look at
what your nice has done?
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10. She's got my drawers spinin' around
with her un-mentionable.
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11. Yeah.. oh! scandoulas,
where's my coffee?
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12. Ooo... laundry!
hot out of the dryer.
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13. Mmm... hmm!
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14. Aah! 6 a.m. and
already the boy ain't right.
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15. Season 02 Episode 02
Texas city twister.
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16. Subtitled & Synced_By_T.A.S.
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17. Door bell rings.
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18. Hello, is there a Luanne Platter
livin' here.
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19. Well who wants' to know?
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20. Shiny pines trailer park,
ms. Platter owes six months back rent.
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21. You must have that wrong mister,
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22. Luanne doesn't have any trailer,
that's why she lives here.
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23. So she does live here.
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24. Don't play mind checkers with me man,
I'm not in the mood.
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25. - We're most reasonable people.
- You said it friend.
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26. My record show a trailer at the corner of
sherry oak lane in an unpaved access drive.
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27. Luanne Platter resident.
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28. That can't be right.
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29. Luanne used to live in a trailer,
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30. but her parent's had a fight,
the trailer tipped over,
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31. her momma went to jail and
the cops hauled it off.
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32. Sir, if you're calling me a lair, you better
be holding somthin' stronger than an umbrella!
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33. Nine iron!
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34. Y' all have a nice day.
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35. Well they asked me
to substitute for a German class
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36. and I said 'nein'
which I thought meant 'yes',
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37. but apparently 'nein' means 'no' so..
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38. I blew a big opportunity.
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39. Luanne!
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40. why are you livin' here.
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41. Mmm.. because I have no-where else to go.
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42. well, a man came by from
Shiny Pines trailer park today,
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43. and he say's
you still got a trailer there.
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44. No, I don't.
It tipped over.
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45. But it's still there.
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46. No, it tipped over.
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47. Luanne, let me try to explain.
I have a beer can,
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48. I tip it over.
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49. Now is it still there?
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50. I can't live in a beer can,
I can live in a trailer, but
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51. I don't have a trailer 'cause
the trailer's tipped over
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52. That trailer cannot be livable Hank,
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53. it's full of broken dishes and broken dreams.
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54. So, we'll clean it.
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55. Hank, if they had a sponge
that cleaned up broken dreams
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56. Wall Worth's would still be in business.
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57. Hey Hank!
what 'ya gonna winch?
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58. Luanne's daddy's trailer,
I'm gonna untip it and set it right.
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59. You know how the Egyptian's
untiped the Pyramid don't 'ya.
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60. with a winch, a cinder block and
fifty thousand Hebrew slaves.
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61. Mmm.
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62. You got a cinder block?
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63. I can get you an army tank
from the base.
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64. Yo' know it's nothing better for pushing.
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65. except for maybe a bull dozer,
but off course they.. they lock those up.
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66. Look I got a truck and a winch,
you wanna stand around talking
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67. or you wanna tip that trailer.
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68. Nancy I'm helping
Hank winch a trailer,
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69. see you for diner.
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70. Sorry sug' I got to anchor
Eye Witness weather tonight.
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71. there's high winds blowing
might be a tornado.
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72. This could be the disaster I've been
waiting for, so keep your fingers crossed.
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73. What about my supper?
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74. I left the cartoon
of cigarettes on the table.
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75. Aaa! think I'll keep her.
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76. You know fellas,
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77. trailer parks are some of your largest
consumers of propane.
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78. Right behind school buses and crematorium.
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79. Pretty, pretty, pretty.
Look at all those pretty trailers.
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80. Hey man it's a dang ol' good ol' deal man,
I tell you what a hundred bucks...
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81. smokes man you get'em hook up
you get'em 'ol dang to.. tooth up..
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82. jigglin' around everywhere what not man,
nothin' but a dang 'ol thrash man.
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83. Okay Boomhauer!
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84. crank up the winch.
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85. You got it, you got it.
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86. Ooh!
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87. Hmm!
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88. Alright let's do it.
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89. Keep goin', keep goin' use the momentum.
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90. Alright.
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91. Boomhauer, way to go.
Yeah!
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92. Do you think Alex?
is sexy aunt Pegg?
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93. Get out of my mind Luanne.
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94. Hey there Luanne!
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95. Pegg leg!
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96. Hey, honey!
what have you been doin' all day?
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97. Ow! this and that.
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98. Hey. Luanne here's a thought.
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99. Wouldn't you like to have your own room?
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100. Well!
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101. Sure I would.
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102. I'd also like a date with Alex? but,
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103. I don't see what good it do,
since I don't have my own room.
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104. You know if that trailer wasn't tipped over
you'd have more than just your own room.
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105. What are you drivin' at?
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106. Trailer's not tipped over anymore.
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107. The guys and I took care of it..
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108. you could move in
there tomorrow if you want.
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109. Why are you doing this to me?
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110. You're welcome.
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111. Hank Hill, how could you?
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112. You are practically
pushing her at the door.
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113. Sometimes you gotta stop..
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114. vomiting in the baby birds mouth
and kick her out of the nest.
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115. Well that's a clever analogy,
but you know from our own sidewalk we're
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116. constantly wrecking up those
little dried up bird babies.
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117. Luanne is just not ready.
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118. Oh, pumpkin are you alright?
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119. I'm sorry I lost it aunt Pegg.
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120. But I thought I'd never
have to go back to that trailer.
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121. Well you don't have to Luanne,
not until you are good and ready.
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122. Did you know, I was the first of my
family to go to Beauty College.
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123. No I did not know that.
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124. And I'm not stopping there.
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125. I had dreams aunt Pegg,
I want to do hair make-ups for T.V.
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126. I know I'll be good.
I believe..
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127. that I could be the first one to hide those
bags under Michael Douglas's eyes.
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128. Those are big old dreams.
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129. I'm shooting for stars aunt Pegg,
and you know what?
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130. I'll be okay at Shiny Pines because,
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131. you can see the same stars over that
trailer you could see right here.
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132. Well at night!
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133. Oaky doky!
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134. Well, you're all packed up now.
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135. Guess you better start your good buys.
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136. We want to get on the road before that
doctor Demento starts stinking up the airwaves.
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137. Mmm! good bye Ladybird.
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138. Oh! you look so sad,
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139. show me that smile now
come on!
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140. that's my girl!
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141. Good bye Luanne.
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142. I just wanted you to know,
that I never read your dairy.
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143. even thou, you secretly suspected
I did, on June 18th 1985.
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144. That was wrong to doubt you Bobby.
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145. That's okay!
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146. Oh! uncle Hank,
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147. I just wanted to tell you,
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148. you've been like a father to me.
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149. Uh! and I just wanted
to tell you that a..
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150. Uh!
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151. here! let me give my card.
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152. Hold on to that, that will get you a 10%
discount on all your propane needs.
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153. Lucky. Lucky me!
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154. Luanne honey, why don't you
go out and wait in the car.
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155. What!
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156. That card is just like cash.
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157. Did you even happen to notice that Luanne
was crying when she left here?
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158. Well, when isn't she crying?
she cries at weddings, she cries at..
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159. funerals, there's no rhyme or reason to it.
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160. I spent six hours tippin'up
her trailer yesterday.
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161. My back hurts, you don't see me cryin'.
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162. No I don't, but I wish I did.
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163. I mean, come on honey
a member of your family is saying goodbye.
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164. Luanne is not family, she's company.
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165. If she was family
I wouldn't have to double knot..
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166. the belt on my bath robe
just to get a mid-night snack.
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167. Well, that is your problem.
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168. Luanne loves you,
and you have no emotions for her at all?
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169. I've got plenty of emotions,
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170. I was afraid she was gonna hug me.
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171. I was worried that she wouldn't leave,
and I was happy when it was over.
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172. Well, I don't know how anyone
is supposed to know, what you're fellin',
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173. sitting there like...
like a block of wood?
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174. That is what you're sometimes,
a block-head.
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175. A block-head?
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176. Now, that's hitin' below the belt!
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177. Well, I am sorry,
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178. but sometimes you make me wonder,
what the hell is wrong with you?
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179. Ow! really?
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180. Well speakin' of hell,
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181. if I wasn't so in control of my emotions,
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182. I might be inclined to say that's the sort
of place you should consider..
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183. - makin' a... a visit towards.
- Ooh!
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184. Mmhm!
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185. Mm.. uhm!
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186. Mm.. uhm!
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187. Uhmm!
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188. Son, I'm very sorry
you had to hear that.
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189. I just lost my grip, and..
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190. I spoke in a way, that a man
should never ever speak to his wife.
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191. I can't hear the T.V.
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192. The National Weather Service has issued
a Tornado Watch for the Tri-county area.
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193. This is not a test.
Chanel 84 doesn't play those kind of games.
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194. Residents should be on the lookout for a tornado,
specially if you live in a trailer park...
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195. because as we all know Jim,
trailer parks can be hell in a tornado.
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196. Hey! Isn't that funny dad,
'cause I mean..
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197. you sort of told
mom to go to hell, right!
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198. And then they say on T.V, that in a twister
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199. a trailer park is hell.
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200. And that's where mom's goin'!
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201. Hurray! and overlooks the avenue.
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202. Hah! there's no reason to panic,
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203. my tellin' your mother to go to hell,
will not be the last words the two of us exchange.
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204. You and I will just drive to the trailer park,
and pick-up Peggy and Luanne,
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205. and return without incident.
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206. Now just incase
I am incapacitated for some reason,
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207. do you know how to start
a man's heart with a downed power line?
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208. No.
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209. Well!
There's really no wrong way to do it.
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210. I... I wish I could,
hang around with you ordinary citizen types,
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211. but my county needs me.
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212. Yep! I take on certain powers,
when I put on this uniform. Not unlike..
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213. your marvel super heroes, that's you know,
Stretch Armstrong, Spiderman an' what not.
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214. Your "Bat Cave's" open there Bill.
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215. Huh!
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216. Huh... mhm!
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217. You know..
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218. I... I don't mine you guys making fun
of me on a daily basis but,
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219. when I have this uniform on
I'd appreciate little respect.
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220. I'm sorry, you're right, of all the army
barbers I know you're the bravest.
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221. Set you're moose on stun there Bill.
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222. You better hang on to that camcorder real good
'cause I'm driving right up next to that twister.
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223. Hard Copies payin'
500 bucks for flying cow video.
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224. I tell you what man, when.. we have flyin'..
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225. cow man you gonna.. go blow that up
damn dynamite an' ol can like that
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226. This is no time for jokes Boomhauer.
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227. This tornado is already classified
at level-2 on the Fujusaki scale.
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228. Well a storm that strong will send an egg through a barn door
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229. Two barn doors if one of 'em is open.
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230. What will a level 3 do mr. Gribble?
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231. Level 3 will send an egg through a brick wall.
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232. Tornado chasers call it, Humpty's revenge.
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233. Waoh!
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234. Tornado time is like the End of Day's Bobby.
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235. " Soft shall be..
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236. blasted through the hard
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237. chaos will descend upon
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238. the well organized.
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239. And the strongest of men will become
like a woman of average strength."
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240. That's enough there Dale.
Now let's go Bobby.
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241. Uh! just a minute dad,
I... I forgot somethin' important.
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242. Mmmhm!
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243. Nancy Hicks Gribble here
for Tornado Watch 97,
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244. brought to you by
Mega 'lo Mart.
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245. mention that your home
was destroyed, and get a free..
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246. 5 lb. bag of onions.
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247. A series of tornado
has touched down in Arlene county.
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248. As of this time we have no reports of injuries
or injury footage,
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249. but if you know of someone,
who has been injured or is likely to be injured,
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250. please call this station.
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251. So many bad memories.
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252. there's the fork mamma stabbed daddy with.
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253. Oh!
And empty bottles from that awful night.
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254. And.. oh no!
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255. Those mango colored palazzo pants
that made my part look beige.
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256. Oh! this is very harder than I thought.
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257. Ooh! there was a lot of fighting
going on when we lived here.
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258. I guess, I have that affect on people.
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259. No. Do not be silly.
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260. The fight, Hank and I had today
was about him, not you.
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261. I am so mad at him,
and his precious self control.
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262. Imitates Hank: I surely am not fond of you Peggy,
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263. I tell you what?
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264. Ugh!
What kind of marriage proposal is that?
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265. Wizzy's night club was in the path of gale force winds
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266. Wizzy.
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267. It leveled the club now,
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268. the strippers are fine, but a customer
had his lap broken by one of the dancer's.
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269. Nothin' to worry about.
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270. That trailer park is at least
three strip clubs away from Wizzy's.
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271. What?
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272. Ooh!
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273. It's that dang fuel filter again.
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274. There's no gas station for miles.
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275. Go to the Mega 'Lo Mart.
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276. They've got everything and a whole lot more.
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277. So maybe, just maybe,
they'll have fruit pies.
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278. Come on Bobby hurry up!
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279. Alright twister,
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280. it's just you and me now.
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281. Ten years ago you took my shirt.
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282. Did you think I'd forget that,
come on, bring it on.
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283. God! No please let me go!
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284. Wow!
an' dang 'ol wow! hey!
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285. Excuse me! come on Bobby.
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286. Twelve fuel filters for $60.
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287. But I only need one.
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288. One fuel filter.
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289. I'm sorry hun, but those have to be
purchased in packets of twelve.
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290. Twelve fuel filters.
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291. I'm sorry sweet heart, I can't sell you
a packet since it's opened.
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292. I opened it.
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293. I'm the one who opened it.
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294. I'm sorry baby but I can't...
for insurance... reasons.
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295. What insurance reason? what could possibly
happen with an open package of fuel filters?
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296. Fuel filters!
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297. Honey, quick!
that jackass is buying all the fuel filters.
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298. What?
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299. Leave some for us jackass!
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300. I need a fuel filter, what are they for?
I need one.
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301. Well, that man's buyin' by the dozen.
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302. Somebody stop him!
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303. Come on!
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304. Come on let's go!
move that truck my wife is stuck in Shiny Pines.
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305. I'm not authorized to drive the truck sir!
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306. My wife is in danger damn'it!
Now make somethin' happen.
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307. Security!
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308. Bill! thank god!
make this idiot let me pass.
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309. I'm just... how'd I do that Hank,
with my blow drier and my scissors an' comb.
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310. Bill, come on now!
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311. No, I'm sorry.
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312. I... I must have a bad case of...
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313. barbers' ear, I can't hear a word you say
until you address me as stg. Dougtrive.
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314. Bill please!
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315. I can't hear you.
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316. Alright! stg. Dougtrive.
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317. I don't know if I like your tone privet.
Oh! what did I do to deserve this?
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318. I didn't mean to curse my wife to hell.
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319. Aaaaaaagh!
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320. Noooo!
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321. Nancy Gribble here foe Death Watch '97.
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322. A level 5 tornado is headed
straight for Shiny Pines trailer park.
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323. Shiny Pines residence,
we urge you to remain calm.
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324. However, if there are any personal issues
that you've been waiting to resolve,
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325. or, if you've never experienced
the miracle of love making.
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326. Now might be the time.
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327. Peggy!
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328. Luanne, where are you?
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329. Look dad! flamingo.
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330. The twister's coming, run for the ... hole.
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331. Take my son!
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332. Peggy!
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333. Peggy are you in here?
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334. Hank over here!
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335. Peggy!
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336. This is the moment I've been waitin' for.
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337. Aagh! ah!
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338. Look-out!
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339. Hurry Hank!
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340. Hang on uncle Hank!
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341. What on earth are you doing here?
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342. I came to find YOU.
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343. I don't know how long I can hold on,
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344. so I better say this now.
I feel terrible about what I said to you Peggy,
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345. I don't want you to go to hell!
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346. I just...
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347. I
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348. I mean..I
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349. I'm not good at this kind of thing.
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350. Go on, you're doing fine sweetheart!
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351. Don't edit yourself,
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352. just whatever comes,
just let it come!
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353. You're my best girl,
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354. you... you mean everything to me,
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355. when we were apart today,
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356. that was Hell.
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357. I couldn't wake up in the morning, without...
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358. your beautiful face beside me.
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359. I love you.
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360. And Bobby,
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361. And Luanne.
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362. To... a... lesser... extent.
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363. Ow!
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364. Hang on!
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365. Aaaaaaaa!
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366. Hurry! Hank hurry! it's the eye of the storm,
come to the shelter. R..U..N.
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367. Uh! Is Luanne still alive?
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368. Tell her to cover her eyes.
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369. They're covered.
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370. Oh! just run you jackass.
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371. Don't tell me that old lady's in there too.
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372. Oh! don't mind me, I've seen a barrel
of peoples in my day.
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373. Alright I'm comin'.
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374. Mmm!
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375. Hmmm!
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376. Well, you don't have
a trailer anymore. It's tipped over.
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377. Guess, you'll be staying with us from now on.
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378. Thanks uncle Hank!
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379. You know, what I'll never forget..
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380. was when uncle Hank was naked.
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381. That never happened.
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382. But, the wind blew all his clothes off.
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383. Not my underwear.
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384. Yes it did!
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385. NOT MY UNDERWEAR.
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386. Not... his... underwear.
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387. I can't H... E... A... R
Y... O... U.
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