1. Morning, hon.Copy !req
2. Morning, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
3. I, I called you hon, and I'm naked.Copy !req
4. I'm sorry, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
5. What are you touching?Copy !req
6. Those are my personal undergarments.Copy !req
7. Nuh-uh.Copy !req
8. Some of them are mine.Copy !req
9. Will you look at what your niece has done?Copy !req
10. She's got my drawersCopy !req
11. spinning around with her unmentionables.Copy !req
12. Yeah… scandalous.Copy !req
13. Where's my coffee?Copy !req
14. Ooh, laundryCopy !req
15. hot out of the dryer.Copy !req
16. 6:00 am, and already the boy ain't right.Copy !req
17. Hello. Is there a Luanne
Platter living here?Copy !req
18. Well, who wants to know?Copy !req
19. Shiney Pines Trailer Park.Copy !req
20. Miss Platter owes six months' back rent.Copy !req
21. You must have that wrong, mister.Copy !req
22. Luanne doesn't have any trailer.
That's why she lives here.Copy !req
23. So, she does live here?Copy !req
24. Don't play mind checkers with me, man.
I'm not in the mood.Copy !req
25. Look, we're both reasonable people.Copy !req
26. You said it, friend.Copy !req
27. My records show a trailer
at the corner of shady oak laneCopy !req
28. and unpaved access drive.Copy !req
29. Luanne Platter, resident.Copy !req
30. That can't be right.Copy !req
31. Luanne used to live in a trailer,Copy !req
32. but her parents had a fight,
the trailer tipped over,Copy !req
33. her mama went to jail,
and the cops hauled it off.Copy !req
34. Sir, if you're calling me a liar,
you better be holding something strongerCopy !req
35. than an umbrella.Copy !req
36. Nine iron.Copy !req
37. Y'all have a nice day.Copy !req
38. Well, they asked me
to substitute for a german class,Copy !req
39. and I said nein, which I thought meant yesCopy !req
40. but apparently, nein means no,Copy !req
41. so I blew a big opportunity.Copy !req
42. Luanne, why are you living here?Copy !req
43. Um… because I have nowhere else to go?Copy !req
44. Well, a man came by
from Shiney Pines TrailerPark today,Copy !req
45. and he says
you've still got a trailer there.Copy !req
46. No, I don't. It tipped over.Copy !req
47. But it's still there.Copy !req
48. No. It tipped over.Copy !req
49. Luanne, let me try to explain.Copy !req
50. I have a beer can.Copy !req
51. I tip it over.Copy !req
52. Now, is it still there?Copy !req
53. I can't live in a beer can.Copy !req
54. I can live in a trailer,Copy !req
55. but I don't have a trailer,
'cause the trailer tipped over!Copy !req
56. That trailer can't be livable, Hank.Copy !req
57. It's full of broken dishes
and broken dreams.Copy !req
58. So? We'll clean it.Copy !req
59. Hank, if they had a sponge
that cleaned up broken dreams,Copy !req
60. Wool worth's would still be in business.Copy !req
61. Hey, Hank, what you going to winch?Copy !req
62. Luanne's daddy's trailer.Copy !req
63. I'm going to untip it and set it right.Copy !req
64. You know how the Egyptians
untipped the pyramids, don't you?Copy !req
65. With a winch, a cinder block
and 50,000 hebrew slaves.Copy !req
66. You got a cinder block?Copy !req
67. Well, I could get you
an army tank from the base.Copy !req
68. You know, there's nothing better
for pushingCopy !req
69. except for maybe a bulldozer,Copy !req
70. but, of course, they lock those up.Copy !req
71. Look, I got a truck and a winch.Copy !req
72. You want to stand around talking
or tip that trailer?Copy !req
73. Nancy, I'm helping Hank winch a trailer!Copy !req
74. I'll see you for dinner!Copy !req
75. Sorry, shug. I get to anchor
eyewitness Weather tonight.Copy !req
76. There's high winds blowing,
might be a tornado.Copy !req
77. This could be the disaster
I've been waiting forCopy !req
78. so keep your fingers crossed.Copy !req
79. Well, what about my supper?Copy !req
80. I left a carton of cigarettes
on the table.Copy !req
81. I think I'll keep her.Copy !req
82. You know, fellas, trailer parksCopy !req
83. are some of your largest
consumers of propaneCopy !req
84. right behind school buses
and crematoriums.Copy !req
85. Pretty, pretty, pretty.Copy !req
86. Look at all those pretty trailers.Copy !req
87. Hey, man, that's a dang
old, good old deal, man. I tell you what.Copy !req
88. 100 bucks a month, man,
you get them hookups,Copy !req
89. you get them old dang tube-tube topCopy !req
90. jiggling around everywhere
and whatnot, man.Copy !req
91. It isn't nothing but that dang trash, man.Copy !req
92. Okay, Boomhauer,Copy !req
93. crank up the winch.Copy !req
94. You got it. You got it.Copy !req
95. All right, let's do it.Copy !req
96. Keep going, keep going! Use the momentum!Copy !req
97. Yeah, all right, Boomhauer.Copy !req
98. Do you think
Alex Trebek is sexy, Aunt Peg?Copy !req
99. Get out of my mind, Luanne.Copy !req
100. I'll take United states…Copy !req
101. Hey, there, Luanne, Peg leg.Copy !req
102. Hey, honey.
What have you been doing all day?Copy !req
103. Oh, this and that.Copy !req
104. Hey, Luanne, here's a thought,Copy !req
105. wouldn't you like to have your own room?Copy !req
106. Well… Sure I would.Copy !req
107. I'd also like a date with Alex Trebek,
but I don't see what good it'd doCopy !req
108. since I don't even have my own room.Copy !req
109. You know, if that trailer
wasn't tipped over,Copy !req
110. you'd have more than just your own room.Copy !req
111. What are you driving at?Copy !req
112. The trailer's not tipped over anymore.Copy !req
113. The guys and I took care of it.Copy !req
114. You could move in there tomorrow
if you want.Copy !req
115. Why are you doing this to me?Copy !req
116. You're welcome.Copy !req
117. Hank Hill, how could you?Copy !req
118. You are practically
pushing her out the door.Copy !req
119. Sometimes, you got to stop vomitingCopy !req
120. in the baby bird's mouth
and kick her out of the nest.Copy !req
121. Well, that's a very clever analogy,Copy !req
122. but you know from our own sidewalk,Copy !req
123. we are constantly raking up
those little dried-up bird babies.Copy !req
124. Luanne is just not ready.Copy !req
125. Oh, pumpkin. Are you all right?Copy !req
126. I'm sorry I lost it, Aunt Peg,Copy !req
127. but I thought I never had
to go back to that trailer.Copy !req
128. Well, you don't have to, Luanne.Copy !req
129. Not until you are good and ready.Copy !req
130. Did you know I was the first in my family
to go to beauty college?Copy !req
131. No, I did not know that.Copy !req
132. I'm not stopping there.Copy !req
133. I have dreams, Aunt Peg.Copy !req
134. I want to do hair and makeup for TV.Copy !req
135. I know I'd be good.Copy !req
136. I believe that I could be the first oneCopy !req
137. to hide those bags
under Michael Douglas's eyes.Copy !req
138. Those are big old dreams.Copy !req
139. I'm shooting for a star, Aunt Peg.Copy !req
140. And you know what?Copy !req
141. I'll be okay at shiney pinesCopy !req
142. 'cause you can see
the same stars over that trailerCopy !req
143. you could see right here.Copy !req
144. Well, at night.Copy !req
145. Okey-dokey.Copy !req
146. Well, you're all packed up now.Copy !req
147. Guess you better start your good-byes.Copy !req
148. We want to get on the roadCopy !req
149. before that Doctor Demento
starts stinking up the airwaves.Copy !req
150. Hmm. Good-bye, Ladybird.Copy !req
151. Oh, you look so sad.Copy !req
152. Show me that smile, now.Copy !req
153. Come on.Copy !req
154. That's my girl.Copy !req
155. Good-bye, Luanne.Copy !req
156. I just wanted you to know
that I never read your diaryCopy !req
157. even though you secretly suspected I didCopy !req
158. on June 18, 1995.Copy !req
159. I was wrong to doubt you, Bobby.Copy !req
160. That's okay.Copy !req
161. Oh, Uncle Hank,Copy !req
162. I just wanted to tell youCopy !req
163. you've been like a father to me.Copy !req
164. Uh… and I just
wanted to tell you that, uh…Copy !req
165. Uh…Copy !req
166. Here, let me give you my card.Copy !req
167. Hold on to that.Copy !req
168. That'll get you a ten percent discount
on all your propane needs.Copy !req
169. Lucky, lucky me!Copy !req
170. Luanne, honey, why don't you go out
and wait in the car?Copy !req
171. What? That card is just like cash.Copy !req
172. Did you even happen to notice
that Luanne was crying when she left here?Copy !req
173. Well, when isn't she crying?Copy !req
174. She cries at weddings,
she cries at funerals.Copy !req
175. There's no rhyme or reason to it.Copy !req
176. I spent six hours tipping up
her trailer yesterday.Copy !req
177. My back hurts. You don't see me crying.Copy !req
178. No, I don't, but I wish I did.Copy !req
179. I mean, come on, honey.Copy !req
180. A member of your family
is saying good-bye.Copy !req
181. Luanne is not family, she's company.Copy !req
182. If she was family,Copy !req
183. I wouldn't have to double-knot
the belt on my bathrobeCopy !req
184. just to get a midnight snack.Copy !req
185. Well, that is your problem.Copy !req
186. Luanne loves you,Copy !req
187. and you have no emotions for her at all?Copy !req
188. I've got plenty of emotions.Copy !req
189. I was afraid she was going to hug me.Copy !req
190. I was worried that she wouldn't leave,Copy !req
191. and I was happy when it was over.Copy !req
192. Well, I don't knowCopy !req
193. how anyone is supposed to know
what you're feelingCopy !req
194. sitting there like a block of wood.Copy !req
195. That is what you are sometimes,
a blockhead.Copy !req
196. A blockhead?Copy !req
197. Now, that's hitting below the belt.Copy !req
198. Well, I am sorry,Copy !req
199. but sometimes you make me wonder
what the heck is wrong with you.Copy !req
200. Oh, really?Copy !req
201. Well, speaking of heck,Copy !req
202. if I wasn't so in control of my emotions,Copy !req
203. I might be inclined to say
that's the sort of placeCopy !req
204. you should considerCopy !req
205. making a, a visit towards.Copy !req
206. Son, I'm very sorry you had to hear that.Copy !req
207. I just lost my grip, and I spoke in a wayCopy !req
208. that a man should never, ever
speak to his wife.Copy !req
209. I can't hear the TV.Copy !req
210. The National Weather ServiceCopy !req
211. has issued a tornado watch
for the tri-county area.Copy !req
212. This is not a test.Copy !req
213. Channel 84 doesn't play those games.Copy !req
214. Residents should
be on the lookout for a tornadoCopy !req
215. especially if you live in a trailer parkCopy !req
216. because, as we all know, Jim,Copy !req
217. trailer parks can be heck in a tornado.Copy !req
218. Hey, isn't that funny, Dad?Copy !req
219. 'Cause, I mean, you sort of
told mom to go to heck, right?Copy !req
220. And then, they say on TV
that in a twister,Copy !req
221. a trailer park is heck,Copy !req
222. and that's where mom's going.Copy !req
223. There's no reason to panic.Copy !req
224. My telling your mother to go to heckCopy !req
225. will not be the last words
the two of us exchange.Copy !req
226. You and I will just drive
to the trailer parkCopy !req
227. pick up Peggy and Luanne
and return without incident.Copy !req
228. Now, just in case
I'm incapacitated for some reason,Copy !req
229. do you know how to start a man's heart
with a downed power line?Copy !req
230. No.Copy !req
231. Well, there's really
no wrong way to do it.Copy !req
232. I wish I could hang aroundCopy !req
233. with you ordinary citizen types,Copy !req
234. but my county needs me.Copy !req
235. Yep.Copy !req
236. I take on certain powers
when I put on this uniform.Copy !req
237. Not unlike your marvel superheroes,
like, you know,Copy !req
238. stretch Armstrong, Spider-man, what not.Copy !req
239. Your bat cave's open there, Bill.Copy !req
240. Huh?Copy !req
241. You know, I don't mind
you guys making fun of me on a daily basisCopy !req
242. but when I have this uniform on,
I'd appreciate a little respect.Copy !req
243. I'm sorry. You're right.Copy !req
244. Of all the army barbers I know,
you're the bravest.Copy !req
245. Set your mousse on stun there, Bill.Copy !req
246. You better hang onto
that camcorder real goodCopy !req
247. 'cause I'm driving right up
next to that twister.Copy !req
248. Hard copy's paying 500 bucks
for flying cow video.Copy !req
249. I tell you what, man.Copy !req
250. You want to get a flying cow, man,
you're going to load up them dynamiteCopy !req
251. in an old cannon like that…
you go to boom!Copy !req
252. Man, cow flying all over the place.Copy !req
253. This is no time for jokes, Boomhauer.Copy !req
254. This tornado's already classified
at level twoCopy !req
255. on the Fujisaki scale.Copy !req
256. A storm that strong will send an egg
through a barn door.Copy !req
257. Two barn doors if one of them's open.Copy !req
258. What would a level three do, Mr. Gribble?Copy !req
259. Level three will send an egg
through a brick wall.Copy !req
260. Tornado chasers call it Humpty's revenge.Copy !req
261. Wow.Copy !req
262. Tornado time is like
the end of days, Bobby.Copy !req
263. The soft shall be blasted
through the hard.Copy !req
264. Chaos will descend
upon the well-organized.Copy !req
265. And the strongest of menCopy !req
266. will become like a woman
of average strength.Copy !req
267. That's enough there, Dale.
Now let's go, Bobby.Copy !req
268. Uh, just a minute, Dad.Copy !req
269. I, I forgot something important.Copy !req
270. Nancy Hicks-Gribble here
for Tornado Watch '97,Copy !req
271. brought to you by Mega Lo Mart.Copy !req
272. Mention that your home was destroyed
and get a free five-pound bag of onions.Copy !req
273. A series of tornadoes has
touched down in Arlen county.Copy !req
274. As of this time,Copy !req
275. we have no reports of injuries
or of injury footage,Copy !req
276. but if you know of someone
who has been injuredCopy !req
277. or is likely to be injured,Copy !req
278. please call this station.Copy !req
279. So many bad memories.Copy !req
280. There's the fork mama stabbed daddy with.Copy !req
281. Oh. And the empty bottles
from that awful night.Copy !req
282. And, oh, no!Copy !req
283. Those mango-colored Palazzo pants
that made my butt look big.Copy !req
284. Oh, this will be harder than I thought.Copy !req
285. There was a lot of fighting
going on when we lived here.Copy !req
286. I guess I have that effect on people.Copy !req
287. No. Do not be silly.Copy !req
288. The fight Hank and I
had today was about him,Copy !req
289. not you.Copy !req
290. I am so mad at him
and his precious self-control.Copy !req
291. I surely am not unfond
of you, Peggy, I tell you what.Copy !req
292. What kind of marriage proposal is that?Copy !req
293. Wheezie's night
club was in the path of gale force winds.Copy !req
294. Wheezie.Copy !req
295. It leveled the club, Al.Copy !req
296. The strippers are fine, but a customer
had his lap broken by one of the dancers.Copy !req
297. Nothing to worry about.Copy !req
298. That trailer park is at least
three strip clubs away from Wheezie's.Copy !req
299. What?Copy !req
300. It's that dang fuel filter again,
and there's no gas station for miles.Copy !req
301. Go to the Mega Lo Mart.Copy !req
302. They've got everything
and a whole lot more.Copy !req
303. So maybe, just maybe…
they'll have fruit pies.Copy !req
304. Come on, Bobby. Hurry up.Copy !req
305. All right, twister,Copy !req
306. it's just you and me now.Copy !req
307. Ten years ago, you took my shed.Copy !req
308. Did you think I'd forget that?Copy !req
309. Come on, bring it on!Copy !req
310. No, please! Let me go!Copy !req
311. Whoa, man, dang ol', w… hey, man!Copy !req
312. Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
313. Excuse me. Come on, Bobby.Copy !req
314. 12 fuel filters for $60?Copy !req
315. But I only need one.Copy !req
316. Ah, darn.Copy !req
317. One fuel filter.Copy !req
318. I'm sorry, hon, but those have
to be purchased in packets of 12.Copy !req
319. 12 fuel filters.Copy !req
320. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I can't sell you
a package that's opened.Copy !req
321. I opened it.Copy !req
322. I'm the one who opened it.Copy !req
323. I'm sorry, baby, but I can't.Copy !req
324. For insurance reasons.Copy !req
325. What insurance reasons?Copy !req
326. What could possibly happen
with an open package of fuel filters?Copy !req
327. Fuel filters? Honey, quick.Copy !req
328. That dimwit is buying
all the fuel filters.Copy !req
329. What? Leave some for us, dimwit!Copy !req
330. I need a fuel filter.
What are they for? I need one.Copy !req
331. Well, that man's buying them by the dozen.Copy !req
332. Somebody stop him!Copy !req
333. Come on.Copy !req
334. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
335. Move that truck.Copy !req
336. My wife is stuck at shiney pines.Copy !req
337. I'm not authorized
to drive the truck, sir.Copy !req
338. My wife is in danger, darn it.Copy !req
339. Now make something happen!Copy !req
340. Security!Copy !req
341. Bill. Thank God.
Make this idiot let me pass.Copy !req
342. Uh, and just how would I do that, Hank?Copy !req
343. With my blow dryer or my scissor comb?Copy !req
344. Bill, come on now.Copy !req
345. No, no. Sorry.Copy !req
346. I must have a bad case of barber's ear.Copy !req
347. I can't hear a word you sayCopy !req
348. until you address me
as Sergeant Dauterive.Copy !req
349. Bill, please.Copy !req
350. I can't hear you!Copy !req
351. All right. Sergeant Dauterive.Copy !req
352. I don't know if I like your tone, private.Copy !req
353. Oh, what did I do to deserve this?Copy !req
354. I didn't mean to curse my wife to heck.Copy !req
355. Oh.Copy !req
356. No!Copy !req
357. Nancy gribble here for Death Watch '97.Copy !req
358. A level-five tornadoCopy !req
359. is headed right
for Shiney Pines Trailer Park.Copy !req
360. Shiney Pines residents,
we urge you to remain calm.Copy !req
361. However, if there are any personal issues
that you've been waiting to resolve,Copy !req
362. or if you've never experienced
the miracle of lovemaking,Copy !req
363. now might be the time.Copy !req
364. Peggy! Luanne! Where are you?Copy !req
365. Look, Dad. Flamingos.Copy !req
366. The twister's coming!Copy !req
367. Run for the 'fraidy hole!Copy !req
368. Take my son!Copy !req
369. Peggy!Copy !req
370. Peggy, are you in here?Copy !req
371. Hank, over here!Copy !req
372. Peggy!Copy !req
373. This is the moment I've been waiting for.Copy !req
374. Look out!Copy !req
375. Hurry, Hank!Copy !req
376. Hang on, Uncle Hank!Copy !req
377. What on earth are you doing here?Copy !req
378. I came to find you!Copy !req
379. I don't know how long I can hold on,Copy !req
380. so I better say this now.Copy !req
381. I feel terrible about
what I said to you, Peggy!Copy !req
382. I don't want you to go to heck.Copy !req
383. I just… I, I mean, I…Copy !req
384. I'm not good at this kind of thing.Copy !req
385. Go on. You're doing fine, sweetheart!Copy !req
386. Don't edit yourself.Copy !req
387. Just whatever comes, just let it come!Copy !req
388. You're my best girl!Copy !req
389. You mean everything to me!Copy !req
390. When we were apart today,Copy !req
391. that was heck!Copy !req
392. I couldn't wake up in the morning
without your beautiful face beside me!Copy !req
393. I love you!Copy !req
394. And Bobby! And Luanne!Copy !req
395. To a lesser extent!Copy !req
396. Oh…Copy !req
397. Hang on!Copy !req
398. Hurry, Hank! Hurry!Copy !req
399. It's the eye of the storm.Copy !req
400. Come to the shelter. Run!Copy !req
401. Uh…Copy !req
402. Is Luanne still alive?Copy !req
403. Tell her to cover her eyes.Copy !req
404. They're covered.Copy !req
405. Oh, just run, you dimwit!Copy !req
406. Don't tell me that
old lady's in there, too!Copy !req
407. Oh, don't mind me. I've seen a barrel
of pickles in my day.Copy !req
408. Uh… All right, I'm coming.Copy !req
409. Mmm, hmm.Copy !req
410. Well, you don't have a trailer anymore.Copy !req
411. It's tipped over.Copy !req
412. Guess you'll be staying
with us from now on.Copy !req
413. Thanks, Uncle Hank.Copy !req
414. You know what I'll never forget?Copy !req
415. Was when Uncle Hank was naked.Copy !req
416. That never happened.Copy !req
417. But the wind blew all his clothes off.Copy !req
418. Not my underwear.Copy !req
419. Yes, it did.Copy !req
420. Not my underwear.Copy !req
421. Not his underwear.Copy !req
422. I can't hear you!Copy !req