King of the Hill 2x16

Directed by Klay Hall

Amy Hill as Mrs. Kalaiki-Alii (voice) • Orlando Jones as Kidd Mookie (voice) • Toby Huss as Kahn Souphanousinphone Sr. (voice) • Chris Rock as Roger 'Booda' Sack (voice) • John Amos as Glen Johnson (voice)

After Hank has a car accident, he has to go to traffic school. The teacher of the traffic school is a comedian, Booda Sack, who gets laughs by insulting the audience. Inspired by Booda Sack, Bobby tries developing a stand-up act of his own. Booda Sack tells Bobby that to be funny, he needs to get in touch with his roots as a white man. Looking for something about "white roots" on the internet, Bobby comes across all the material he needs on a site called the White Nationalist Brotherhood.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Oh, Hank, you have got to drive me to school today.

2. I cannot stop grading.

3. These are not spelling tests, Hank.

4. They are what I did on my winter break essays

5. and I cannot waste a single grading minute here.

6. I am known for my one-day turnaround.

7. All right, but we got to hurry.

8. Paint 'n' Paper is having

9. their 8:00 a.m madness sale.

10. Okay, trip to Dallas… B…

11. Trip to Waco… B…

12. Trip to New York City… C…

13. Trip to…

14. What the heck?

15. Arlen, A.

16. Ow! My neck is broken!

17. I'll sue you for everything you have.

18. Oh, it's Hank Hill.

19. What's the point?

20. I have everything you have but better.

21. Kahn, on this side of the earth

22. we back out to the right.

23. Yeah, yeah, just my luck.

24. I run into uninsured redneck.

25. Not only am I insured,

26. I happen to be a member of the perfect payment club.

27. Oh, my neck is broken!

28. Did you have anything to drink this morning, Mr. Hill?

29. - No. - Did you use a mouthwash or cough syrup?

30. - No. - Did you eat an unusual amount of sausage?

31. Look, am I covered or not?

32. Yes, you're covered, minus the deductible.

33. And of course, your insurance rates will go up.

34. Why should my rates go up, Ms. Kailiki-Alii?

35. Well, it's going to cost us money to fix your truck.

36. What kind of insurance is that?

37. Why don't I just take out a loan

38. fix my truck and avoid the middle man?

39. You can't drive without insurance.

40. However, you can avoid the rate increase if you go to traffic school.

41. Singles' Traffic School.

42. Smokers' Traffic School, Vegetarian Traffic School.

43. It's like no matter what problem you have

44. they have a traffic school for it.

45. Hey, ice cream lovers' traffic school.

46. I could help you with your homework.

47. No, no. I don't need any fancy frills or nonsense.

48. Here we go, right to the point.

49. Def-ensive driving school.

50. Just hope they know more about driving than they do about spelling.

51. Hey, what are you doing here, Hank Hill?

52. Hillbilly traffic school all full up?

53. Cut the comedy, Kahn.

54. It was your reckless disregard

55. of backing-out procedure that put us here.

56. I want to see you taking notes.

57. And I want to welcome you all to def-ensive traffic school.

58. That's right. Def-ensive traffic school.

59. I'm def and y'all be 'fensive.

60. Booda Sack, you crazy.

61. Kid Mookie, hey.

62. Yo, check it out.

63. Look at all the white people we got up here

64. in traffic school tonight.

65. And they say only black people break the laws.

66. Ooh!

67. But that's not true.

68. Shut up.

69. Booda Sack on a roll.

70. Check out, girlfriend.

71. Got a booty so big

72. if you put numbers on it she could press license plates.

73. Check it out, Booda!

74. Hey, baby, baby, baby, ba-a-a-a-by!

75. Now, after class

76. you and I got to do a little detention.

77. You know what I'm sayin'? Know what I'm sayin'?

78. This has nothing to do with defensive driving.

79. Excuse me, sir. I don't mean to criticize your lesson plan,

80. but do you have a lesson plan?

81. You trying to say that a black man can't put together a lesson plan?

82. Well, I got a lesson plan.

83. I ain't planning on teaching lessin' you shut up.

84. Well, hold on now.

85. I didn't mean to be…

86. Cracka, are you taking me serious?

87. I gotcha!

88. Look, learning good driving skills is no laughing matter.

89. Booda Sack?

90. The Booda Sack?

91. I saw him on TV three years ago.

92. On Breakfast at the Apollo.

93. He was making fun of white people.

94. Like how we talk funny

95. and we don't have any butts.

96. He's one of the reasons I want to be a comedian.

97. Look, there's something we haven't told you, Bobby.

98. But maybe now's the time.

99. You see, show business is inherently evil.

100. Hank! We agreed not to have this discussion until Bobby is 15.

101. I know, but it's time for some tough love.

102. Bobby, comedians are show-offs.

103. Sure, they get beautiful women

104. and drive fast trucks.

105. - But, eventually… - They have fast trucks?

106. You're missing the point, son.

107. Comedy is not a stable career.

108. I'm going to take you to that traffic class tonight,

109. so you can see the lonely, pathetic future

110. comedy has to offer.

111. You mean it?

112. I get to meet Booda Sack?

113. What am I going to wear?

114. You know, 'cause white people be driving like this

115. all bent up over the steering wheel going…

116. "Oh, dear, I think we've missed our exit."

117. See what I mean, Bobby?

118. It's just sad.

119. Yeah, white people just like that.

120. Only one thing worse than white people driving

121. and that's DWO.

122. Driving while oriental.

123. Ooh, cheap shot.

124. You the man, Booda Sack.

125. Uh-huh. Know what I'm sayin'?

126. Bobby, he'll see you.

127. Hey, Opie Taylor.

128. Get your butt up here on stage.

129. Mm-hmm!

130. Poppin' fresh!

131. Now, see here, Mr., uh, Sack.

132. That's my boy and…

133. Hey, it's all good, baby.

134. It's all good.

135. I was just playing with my man here.

136. Now-now-now, what's your name, young bru-tha?

137. Bobby Hill.

138. Bouncin' Bobby Hill.

139. Now, tell me, Bobby.

140. Does your old man drink a lot of beer?

141. Oh, yeah.

142. Now, d-d-d-don't lie now, Bobby.

143. Does he just stand around all day

144. drinking beer with all his other white friends going…

145. Yeah?

146. No. They go… Yup.

147. Sit down, son.

148. They're not laughing with you. They're laughing at me.

149. Now, little blood.

150. Tell me why you're in the house. Did you get a ticket

151. for rubbing your butt too hard on your banana seat?

152. My dad brought me here.

153. He wanted to show me how sad and lonesome you are underneath.

154. You right.

155. You right.

156. Booda Sack

157. is a sad man.

158. But not as sad as your daddy's sorry self

159. with his four eyes, too many pies,

160. super-size, Cracker Jack prize.

161. Uh, uh, somebody help me. Come on.

162. And he likes French fries!

163. Ladies and gentlemen,

164. this kid is going to be the white rerun.

165. - Ohh… - The white rerun, we got him right here.

166. Hey, Hank, how's driver's ed?

167. I only… ask 'cause I'm concerned.

168. I still have one more class till I'm through.

169. - Everyone knows you back out to the right. - Yeah.

170. - Doesn't take a brain surgeon. - Common knowledge.

171. 13 years, Dave Hansen lived in that house

172. never once did he back into me.

173. Yeah, of course, he was a 500-pound shut-in.

174. Mm-hmm. Shame he had to move.

175. They replaced that wall pretty nice, though.

176. Yeah. That looks all right.

177. - I like the way… - Matched the paint and everything.

178. Yo, yo, yo!

179. Bobby Hill is in the house!

180. Uh-huh!

181. What the…?

182. Would you look at all the white people standing around?

183. Ain't got no butts.

184. Y'all the no-butt-havingest people, uh-huh.

185. And white people always be walking around

186. like this

187. like they be crushing diamonds in there or something.

188. Look at me, I'm white.

189. Y'all peace up. I'm out…

190. Dang, man.

191. White people do walk like that, really.

192. Especially in the army.

193. Man, that stuff about no butt, man.

194. I tell you why, you know, why it's funny, man? 'Cause it dang ol' true.

195. Look, I appreciate you guys

196. humoring Bobby, but what the boy needs right now

197. is to be demoralized into giving this up.

198. I, I thought he was funny, Hank.

199. Look at me, I'm white.

200. Bill, leave the comedy to the professionals.

201. Yes, sir.

202. Booda Sack?

203. I'm Bobby Hill.

204. I was in your class the other night

205. and I saw you on Breakfast at the Apollo.

206. You saw that?

207. Yeah, I did some TV a few years back.

208. Did the L.A thing.

209. Sit down. Have a bottle of ketchup.

210. Ketchup.

211. So how come you're in Arlen?

212. I mean, you're really good.

213. I got a little Risque on moesha a couple of years ago.

214. It's been hard for me ever since.

215. Anyway, TV's not where it's at, Bobby.

216. It's just giving people the same old stereotypes.

217. Playing the same old stories. I didn't want to do that.

218. What I want to do is make people laugh and think.

219. Know what I'm sayin'?

220. That's why you teach traffic school.

221. Yeah. That's why I teach traffic school.

222. Hey, I've been working on some new stuff. Check it out.

223. White people think the 'hood is something on their sweatshirt.

224. And, um…

225. How come the cops always be pulling me over?

226. What's up with that?

227. Bobby, let me give you a little piece of constructive criticism.

228. You're not black.

229. Oh. Okay.

230. I mean, you got to be real, Bobby.

231. You know what I'm sayin'?

232. Not really.

233. You're a white man.

234. Get in touch with your white roots.

235. Think of the stuff that's funny

236. from your point of view.

237. Well, my dad's got a narrow urethra.

238. Now, that's funny.

239. But my dad says comedy isn't a real job.

240. Comedy ain't about listening to your dad.

241. You think shucky-ducky got to where he was

242. by listening to his daddy?

243. Listen, I got a dope comedy jam Sunday nights.

244. Soon as you get real, come on down.

245. Thanks, Booda Sack.

246. Dad, Booda Sack says I'm funny

247. and I can go up on his amateur night.

248. Son, let me put this in terms you can understand.

249. I am not down with that.

250. What I mean is no.

251. Booda Sack says I shouldn't listen to you.

252. He says good comedians are rebels

253. and they never listen to their dads.

254. What? Now that guy is trying to turn my own kid against me?

255. You have no manners.

256. It's obvious that your mother did not raise you right.

257. Uh-oh.

258. What? You talking about my mother?

259. Let me tell you about your mother.

260. Your mother is so fat,

261. she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

262. What?

263. That's right. I said your mama is so fat that she freebases ham.

264. First of all, my mother is not overweight.

265. She weighs 120 pounds.

266. Which is perfectly normal for a woman her age.

267. I said your mama's so fat,

268. when she walks around in high heels

269. she strikes oil.

270. I don't think you've ever even met my mother.

271. If you want to pick on someone

272. at least have the courage to pick on me.

273. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

274. Your urethra is so narrow

275. sperm be going through there single file.

276. Sperm two, three, four, sperm two, three…

277. Okay, okay. That's it, potty mouth. I've had enough.

278. This is supposed to be a classroom. I'm leaving.

279. Oh, you leave my class and I'm going to flunk you.

280. Yeah, we'll see about that.

281. Mm-hm.

282. Mom, you got a minute?

283. Well, of course, Bobby.

284. Anything for you, honey.

285. Now, what is it?

286. I'm trying to find my roots.

287. You know, what I'm all about.

288. Oh, honey, your roots are very rich.

289. Your grandfather and his father,

290. and his father's father were all married

291. and bought houses and had jobs and had children.

292. But did they do anything funny?

293. Oh, Bobby.

294. Well, honey, it sounds like you've never heard of

295. a butter churn with a mind of its own.

296. Oh, and your great-aunt Charlotte.

297. We used to call her Mrs. Magoo,

298. because she couldn't see well.

299. Oh, and she drank.

300. And the butter churn had a mind of its own.

301. Dang.

302. Hm, it's kind of funny in an old person's way.

303. You're so lucky, Connie.

304. You're ethnic.

305. Joseph and I are just… nothing.

306. We're just white and boring.

307. Yeah.

308. Then he said my mother was so big.

309. Her stretch marks had names.

310. Well, has he seen your mother?

311. No.

312. Is she overweight?

313. Not by half.

314. Well, then, that's not funny.

315. I never did get that Booda Sack.

316. Tell Mr. Sack I'd like to see him.

317. And another thing. These videotapes he's showing are too mild.

318. I'd like to recommend a movie

319. I saw in high school called Red asphalt.

320. Showed a fella's brains being scraped off the road.

321. Now, that kept me straight.

322. I like the way you think, Mr. Hill.

323. Wassup, boom boom?

324. I told you not to call me that.

325. Now, Mr. Hill here has a complaint.

326. Hey, ain't my fault he don't got a butt.

327. Tell him to take it up with god.

328. Now, Booda, we've talked about this before.

329. You can't say those types of things in class.

330. You're offending people like Mr. Hill here.

331. Well, I got something called freedom of speech.

332. Ever heard of the first amendment?

333. Thomas Jefferson's turning over in his grave right now

334. and the slave lady's on top.

335. Now, see here. Thomas Jefferson was a founding father.

336. He designed and built his own house.

337. Now, calm down, you two.

338. Sack, go put the fancy candles on the tables.

339. I'll deal with you later.

340. I tell you what, Mr. Hill.

341. He won't teach here again.

342. Now, I'm not supposed to do this,

343. but why don't I transfer you to our chocoholics class.

344. For the last segment?

345. Huh? How about that?

346. If we get on the internet

347. maybe we could find out something funny about white people.

348. Yeah!

349. Now, we can enter in key words and then find material for your act.

350. This is a great idea.

351. What words should we use?

352. White.

353. Roots.

354. Funny.

355. Wow!

356. You guys busy?

357. We can take a break.

358. 'Cause if anybody's going downtown

359. I need a ride to the comedy club to try out my new material.

360. Hey, that's funny!

361. Hey, y'all coming?

362. No, man, you can count me out o' that, man. Dang ol' cocktail waitresses

363. two of 'em, man. I found out they were roommates, man.

364. That dang ol' double boink, man.

365. What did you do to Booda Sack, Hank?

366. He was fired!

367. Now we got to sit through prop comic.

368. I covered in watermelon!

369. I feel bad about that,

370. but the man brought it on himself

371. with his own locker room mouth.

372. Boomhauer, where'd everybody go?

373. Yeah, man, I tell you what, man. Dale, they took that dang ol' truck, man.

374. Dang ol' muffler falling off, ain't got no brakes, man, sparks flyin'.

375. Like I told him, man. Fix that dang ol' thing. Put on duct tape, man.

376. What? They took Bobby to snapz?

377. Oh! Me! Oh! Fat!

378. Boom! Now, that's what I call general haberdashery!

379. Bobby, do that one. About how the cops always be pulling you over.

380. I don't do those kinds of jokes anymore, Mr. Dauterive.

381. I got a whole new act.

382. Pop n' fresh is keepin' it real.

383. All right, all right, let's hear it one more time

384. for my main man, Toenail!

385. All right, give him a little dap.

386. Now, settle down.

387. We got a special treat for all of y'all tonight.

388. The youngest comic to ever set foot on this stage.

389. Give it up for Bobby Hill!

390. So, how's everybody doing tonight?

391. All right!

392. Okay. How many people here

393. are lucky enough to be members

394. of the Nordic subgroup of the Aryan race?

395. Can I see some hands?

396. Yeah, it's tough being a white man these days.

397. It's tough, I'll tell you.

398. Folks, I'm so white, during the riots.

399. I went out and bought a television.

400. What? What? What did he say?

401. Is this thing on?

402. Fake. Get off the stage.

403. Uh-oh. Bobby's in trouble.

404. Somebody cut him off, man!

405. Dale, where's Bobby? What's going on?

406. Well, he's no Toenail.

407. Okay.

408. Oh! I know!

409. Here's an old joke I heard on the internet.

410. It takes place in the slavery days of yore.

411. What? Bobby, no!

412. Wait a minute, everybody.

413. Uh, this is my son up here.

414. And he's only 12 years old.

415. Somebody shut that nazi up!

416. Shut up, you whitey!

417. Look, he doesn't know what he's saying.

418. Well, who are you, the grand wizard?

419. No! No!

420. I sell propane and propane accessories.

421. Yo, yo, yo. Wh-what's going on here?

422. Let me get a piece of this.

423. Whoo! Opie, that new act of yours

424. is seriously unfunny.

425. Am I right, y'all?

426. Yeah, that's right!

427. You ain't allowed to talk that way.

428. Not in America.

429. Am I right, y'all?

430. - Yeah, that's right! - That's right!

431. Wrong!

432. We got a thing called freedom of speech

433. and a man on this stage

434. can say any dumb-ass thing he wants.

435. And, uh, b-besides,

436. look at this kid's daddy.

437. The man don't got no butt at all.

438. No butt at all. I mean, his booty's so small

439. he got to hold onto the light cord

440. to keep from falling in the toilet.

441. He gonna drown, he gonna drown.

442. Can't swim, can't swim.

443. I mean, look at this man's booty!

444. Booty's so small.

445. He could hula hoop with a cheerio!

446. Cheerio! Not foot loop! Cheerio!

447. I got to thank you, Mr. Sack.

448. You kept a cool head in a crisis situation.

449. Booda Sack, I'm sorry that I wasn't funny.

450. Well, don't worry about it, Bobby.

451. You know, rerun didn't start off that funny.

452. Well, thanks for saving my boy

453. and not holding it against me

454. that you were fired from teachin'.

455. If you're looking for a real job.

456. You ought to consider a career in propane.

457. You know, this whole humor fad is pretty much on the way out.

458. Good job, Roger.

459. You know, I want to apologize

460. for all those things I said

461. about your mother, not raising you right.

462. I'm sure if she had planned for you

463. it would've been different.

464. What? What? Don't make me go upside your…

465. Gotcha. Just kidding.

466. Check it out! Drew Carey has finally developed a sense of humor!

467. Well, that's alright.

468. Hey, Drew Carey,

469. your mama is so ugly,

470. when she walks in the bank, they turn off the camera.

471. And your mother is so ugly, uh, it affects her self-esteem.

472. Your mama got so much hair under her arms

473. it looks like she got buckwheat in a headlock.

474. Well, your mother's hair is so short.

475. She looks like she's not a woman at all

476. but more like a man.

477. More like a man! You got to work on that one. Check it out.

478. It's been so long since your mama's last bath

479. that her hairy armpits smell like propane gas!

480. Now, excuse me.

481. Hold on there, fella.

482. A joke's a joke, but now you've gone too far.

483. Propane has no natural odor.

484. What you smell is actually put there by man

485. for safety purposes.

486. Hello. I'm Hank Hill.

487. And I'm Roger Sack.

488. Tonight's episode dealt with racial stereotypes.

489. Especially the myth that white people do not have butts.

490. As you can see from the man standing next to me.

491. That's simply not true.

492. Thank you, Roger.

493. It's a darn fine butt.

494. Uh… yeah. Thank you.

495. That butt is the bomb!

496. Yeah, uh… I think it's time for the X-files. Now!

497. Go!

498. Whoa! Now that's what I call general haberdashery!