King of the Hill 2x15

Directed by Lauren MacMullan

Castulo Guerra as Magistrate (voice) • Paul Rodríguez as Jacinto (voice) • Toby Huss as Kahn Souphanousinphone Sr. (voice) • Alex Dent as (voice) • Eloy Casados as (voice) • Bertila Damas as (voice)

Hank and his family go with Kahn and his family to spend a weekend in a duplex condo in Mexico. When Kahn discovers that only the bottom half of the condo has been rented, he breaks into the top half and lets Hank stay there. Dale shows up to stay with the Hills, and when Hank, Kahn and Dale are arrested for breaking into the upstairs condo, they have to sneak back across the border.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, Minh, you didn't have to bring cookies.

2. Hearing about all of your little Connie's academic achievements,

3. is all the treat that we need.

4. Oh, no problem. Don't want them getting stale

5. while we go on luxury trip to Mexico.

6. "Me-hee-co." Oh, Hank and I used to go every time they devalued the peso.

7. That got old pretty quick.

8. We stay in beautiful mitad duplex condo

9. with Kahn's brother and family.

10. Mm. Oh, yes, lovely.

11. What mitad mean exactly in English?

12. First class? Deluxe?

13. Mitad… hmm.

14. You know, that's one of those words that doesn't translate easily.

15. Extra special luxury?

16. It conveys the idea of simple but relatively clean living.

17. Ah! Stupid brother!

18. Now he back out on the trip

19. and we stuck with full charge for condo rent.

20. We can't afford that.

21. We just bought a CD jukebox!

22. Huh. Maybe cracker neighbor some use after all.

23. Howdy, neighbor.

24. Well, sure there are some pros.

25. It's a good deal and I guess there's nothing tying us to the house.

26. Now that we've got automatic sprinklers.

27. But there's also the cons.

28. The biggest one being, well… Kahn.

29. Hank, I saw the brochure.

30. The condo is two stories and very mitad.

31. You would barely have to see him.

32. If we stayed home, I wouldn't have to see him at all.

33. I can't think of a better vacation than that.

34. But it's also an opportunity to learn about another culture.

35. Now, the last time Bobby went to Mexico, he was still on the breast.

36. I love Mexico.

37. They fast-track new makeup straight to the consumer.

38. Here, the FDA tests and tests for years.

39. It's like they don't care how we look.

40. Oh, come on, Hank.

41. I can finally replace that papier-mache pear I got

42. when I was an exchange student in Oaxaca.

43. Come on, Dad, it's the real-life home

44. of TV's Monsignor Martinez.

45. Well, okay, if you all want to go,

46. I guess it's buenos dias, Mexico.

47. Oh, Hank… I'm sorry,

48. but you just said good Gods, Mexico.

49. Wish I could go on a luxury Mexican vacation.

50. Must be pretty expensive to stay in one of those mitad condos.

51. Must cost at least 500 bucks.

52. Maybe you got it for 350?

53. How much you paying?

54. I'll tell you what, man. About Mexico, man.

55. You go down and you load up on those dang ol' chiclets, man

56. that's why you go down there.

57. Wheelin' and dealin' with them dang ol' Azcolt,

58. talking about, un camino, dos mujeres.

59. I think it's nice that you're going away, Hank.

60. You… you need a good vacation

61. with your new best friend Kahn, who you love so much.

62. Yes, Bill, I love Kahn.

63. Maybe if this trip works out,

64. I'll marry him and live in Mexico forever.

65. Is that what you want to hear?

66. No.

67. Every time I try to pass, hillbilly woman speed up.

68. Don't be silly.

69. Peggy Hill not even thinking about you.

70. Whoo, think again, hotshot.

71. Did you see that?

72. Hey! No fair!

73. You're making a mockery of the breakdown lane!

74. Why is there such a big fence, Dad?

75. Well, millions of people come to America

76. in search of a better life,

77. and we've decided we don't need that many.

78. Did the souphanousinphones come through the fence?

79. No, Bobby, Kahn applied the legal way.

80. Sometimes the system fails us.

81. Hey, check out this dangerous character!

82. Ooh…

83. Watch out! You think he running guns?

84. Sir, pull your vehicle over to the inspection area, please.

85. He was joking.

86. Tell him you were joking, Kahn.

87. Ah, let him look, you got nothing to hide.

88. See you at condo!

89. Don't steal the towels.

90. You take, I charge.

91. This is a mini-bar.

92. You use, you pay.

93. Now for the tour of the condo.

94. Condo.

95. Wait a minute. Where the rest of it?

96. I paid for mitad condo, two floors.

97. This condo plenty mitad But only one floor.

98. What are you trying to pull?

99. Old bait and switch?

100. Mitad. Mitad means half.

101. Just downstairs, not upstairs.

102. - Tu comprendes? - Just downstairs?

103. I can't spend whole weekend squished side by side with a redneck neighbor.

104. No, no, no. No, don't worry about any redneck neighbor.

105. Nobody's rented the upstairs.

106. It's completely vacant.

107. But…

108. Where other bathroom?

109. Oh, there's only one bathroom.

110. But, hey, the tub is big enough for two people.

111. I come to see Mexico, not Hank Hill squeezing

112. this year's butt into last year's swimsuit.

113. Oh, no. You're not getting the upstairs not after what you did to me

114. back there at the border.

115. Okay, you take high-class penthouse with view.

116. We take downstairs hovel.

117. Here's key. Lock little sticky.

118. You got to rake it like there's no tomorrow.

119. This is a car key.

120. Yeah, you win new car. This big game show. Just rake it, stupid.

121. Huh. Well, it probably just needs a little WD-40.

122. Peggy, which bag has our bathroom stuff?

123. Come on, kids.

124. Andelay. We're off to the papier-mache district.

125. We got to sneak off on our own, Bobby.

126. Mom, can Connie and I go

127. play… volleyball?

128. Well, all right.

129. Just make sure to apply plenty of sunscreen, honey.

130. We are much closer to the sun here than in Texas.

131. Ugh. This market is way too tacky.

132. They are not going to have papier-mache pears.

133. Oh, my god!

134. Le Leche Del Sol!

135. The illegal beauty secret of the stars.

136. Look, Bobby, firecrackers.

137. Bueno!

138. M-80s!

139. Those are a quarter stick of dynamite.

140. Oh, my gosh!

141. La bomba.

142. Those can blow your whole arm off.

143. Vaya con dios.

144. Hey, this is a beer,

145. not a fruit salad.

146. Why can't you find your own bar?

147. I have same coupon book as you.

148. I just want a beer.

149. This a free country. Isn't it?

150. Huh? Oh, no!

151. No, I don't want this.

152. No, no, look. If you want to make money, play for that guy.

153. He's rich.

154. Mucho dinnero.

155. What? Oh, no, no. You think I'm a sucker?

156. Ah, you sing for me, I sing for you.

157. How about that trash can over there? Let's blow that up.

158. If this were a cherry bomb, I'd say yes.

159. But this is La Bomba.

160. Hmm. Nah.

161. Ohh. Hmm.

162. Ooh.

163. This is our chance to really make a statement.

164. Pretty good job, Kahn.

165. I've never heard that song with only one note before.

166. Yeah, it all about rhythm.

167. Bartender, two cervezas, por favor.

168. These are all authentic, locally crafted masks.

169. In our culture they have social and religious importance.

170. Mm-hm. Yeah, that's nice. Have you got pears?

171. Uh, right. You're here for the papier-mache pear.

172. Uh-huh.

173. Well, the pears are not sold separately.

174. Oh, it's perfect.

175. Oh, muchos, muchos, gracias.

176. I'm not even going to haggle.

177. I have to pay for the frog, right?

178. - Yes. - Of course.

179. It is so beautiful.

180. I, I really… I don't know how I can thank you.

181. Senora. I have a friend just across the border.

182. And I don't trust the mail. The address is on the box.

183. Would you deliver it for me?

184. Well, that would be my pleasure, amigo.

185. Gracias.

186. Oh, my, it's wrapped prettily, isn't it?

187. I wonder what is in it.

188. I tell you what's in there.

189. Cocaine, black tar, PCP, you name it.

190. I see Twenty/Twenty special all about this.

191. You're a mule, Peggy Hill.

192. Hank? Hank Hill, is that you?

193. Dale? What are you doing here?

194. I was just out for a drive.

195. Thought this place might have clean facilities.

196. Talk about a coincidence.

197. It's a nine-hour drive, Dale.

198. Is it?

199. I guess I better stay then.

200. I think it's a dud.

201. Yeah. Let's give it 15 more minutes.

202. Hey, you. You skinny gringo.

203. I don't know you.

204. Are you a guest?

205. I'm staying with the Hills in Five-B.

206. Five-B? Upstairs?

207. Damn turistas! You try to rip me off!

208. It'll be last time…

209. Somebody missed his siesta.

210. Boy, now I know why they call it beach volleyball.

211. Volleyball is really fun.

212. Bobby, come here.

213. Honey, do you think I'm naive?

214. No.

215. Am I just a fool who believes whatever I'm told?

216. I'm sorry.

217. Why on earth did I trust that man?

218. There could be anything in this package. Anything.

219. I am so estupido.

220. Hmm, they had to kill ten turtles,

221. to fill one little jar.

222. Neat.

223. Oh, my god! It's the police!

224. They know I tried to blow up one of their monuments!

225. No, no, they think I'm a makeup smuggler!

226. Get out of my way!

227. We all have to put on lots of makeup.

228. This tastes like turtles.

229. What in the heck is going on?

230. I was never here.

231. Peggy Hill is nobody's mule.

232. A pear?

233. Come on out here, everyone. Come on, get out here.

234. We have nothing to hide.

235. You will pay the condo manager

236. 8,000 pesos.

237. But if the key fit, you must acquit.

238. 10,000 pesos.

239. Bailiff. Confiscate their identification.

240. Look, let's just pay the money and go home.

241. My money not fluid. Take weeks to raise funds.

242. You pay. I owe you.

243. I can't cover it.

244. If I could get back to Arlen,

245. I could have them garnish my wages.

246. But we can't leave the country.

247. They took our I.D.

248. Are you kidding? We won't have any trouble driving through that checkpoint.

249. They'll wave us through pretty as you please.

250. Really?

251. Well, Hank and me 'cause we're Angloid.

252. You they'll haul out and give the third degree.

253. Maybe it'll be safer if we all split up. Dale, you come with me.

254. Kahn, you're on your own.

255. Hey, Hill, you can't leave me.

256. We Americans, Hank.

257. No lime in our beer, remember?

258. And we sure sent those mariachis running.

259. Help me, Hank.

260. - Bye-bye. - You all get going now.

261. Dale, Kahn and I will be along after we, uh…

262. Clear up that little misunderstanding.

263. I don't think this such a good idea.

264. Yeah? Well, here's another idea.

265. We go on without you.

266. Okay, all right, I get in.

267. - d She blinded me… d - Pothole.

268. D With sci…! d.

269. Now just follow my lead and play it cool.

270. What if they find Kahn?

271. If I know my Mexican legal system, which I do,

272. we'll get about 15 years with a starvation diet

273. of moldy bread and warm water.

274. Distilled water?

275. No. And of course,

276. there is a total lack of toilet paper and privacy.

277. Oh, god, I can't go while people watch.

278. Then let me do the talking.

279. Morning.

280. Where are you gentlemen from?

281. Arlen, Texas.

282. I've been to Arlen.

283. Nice town.

284. Run!

285. I think we lost them.

286. We'll be okay.

287. Okay?

288. We're screwed!

289. No. We're American.

290. We got to find a pay phone,

291. and hope Ross Perot's 800 number's still working.

292. Why you want to call that nut for?

293. Border right there.

294. Millions of people cross over every day.

295. We can, too. No big deal.

296. Illegally?

297. No!

298. America is my country and I love her.

299. I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.

300. We have no choice, Hank.

301. The I.N.S had their cameras trained on us.

302. The border guards think we're smugglers.

303. I'm too pretty to go to jail!

304. Uh, excuse me

305. uh. What did it cost you to rent those mopeds?

306. Uh, actually, we own these.

307. But we are looking to sell them.

308. Well, maybe we can help each other out.

309. Only thing is we're a little short on cash.

310. That watch belonged to my grandfather.

311. That was my only pair of button-fly jeans.

312. Hey, what…

313. What happened to our mopeds?

314. Hey, look at me.

315. Look at me!

316. Somebody look at me!

317. Did you see?

318. Yeah, Dale, you looked really cool.

319. For your next trick why don't I kick your ass?

320. Get on the back, Kahn. Dale, you're lucky Pierre.

321. Oh, man.

322. Ah, it'd be faster if we walk.

323. Ow!

324. Did you see? Did you see?

325. Uh, have we just been captured?

326. Wait, Hank!

327. I… I can't swim.

328. Of course you can't.

329. Ah, look at mighty river.

330. So, much beauty.

331. So much power.

332. Humbles a man, huh, Hank?

333. You a good friend, Hank.

334. And friendship based on truth.

335. I broke into top condo on purpose

336. and I'm sorry.

337. What?

338. Damn you, Kahn!

339. This whole thing is your fault!

340. I thought you said you couldn't swim.

341. Yeah, I big fat liar.

342. Ugh, this river is filthy.

343. Look at this, underwear floating around.

344. Uh, Hank, a little help here.

345. He won't last two days in the U.S.

346. America.

347. Texas.

348. Home.

349. Look how easy it is to get into this country.

350. Oh, I can't believe I had to learn the Bill of Rights.

351. Where am I going to use that?

352. You'd be surprised, Kahn. I take the fifth on a daily basis.

353. Hurry up, Hank, the border guards are coming.

354. You got to give me a hand. Dale?

355. Dale! Dale! Wait! I can't do it alone!

356. Gribble gone. Take my hand.

357. Welcome to land of opportunity, Hank.

358. Yep.

359. Mm-hmm.

360. Yep.

361. Yep.

362. You know what's funny?

363. This time, I on Texas soil first.

364. He's the immigrant.

365. I smuggle him in.

366. Very funny, Kahn.

367. Hey, I live next door to alien.

368. My property worth nothing now.

369. Ha-ha.

370. Ah, you get in baby way.

371. I had to memorize all presidents.

372. You couldn't do it.

373. That stretch between Polk and Buchanan wipe you out.

374. You ever hear of Garfield?

375. He more than cartoon cat, you know.

376. He part of history of my country.

377. Vaya con dios.