King of the Hill 2x13

Directed by Adam Kuhlman

David Herman as Lloyd Vickers (voice) • Dennis Burkley as Principal Moss (voice) • Cheryl Holliday as Velma Throckmorton (voice)

When Hank's boss, Buck Strickland, has another heart attack, Hank expects to be put in charge of the company while Buck is recuperating. Instead Buck picks Lloyd Vickers, a business-school graduate, and puts Hank in charge of feeding his dogs. At Buck's house, Hank discovers that Buck's stove is electric, not propane. Realizing that Buck is just in propane for the money, Hank considers leaving the propane business and opening up a general store instead.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I'm Buck Strickland, and if you don't recognize me

2. you're at the wrong event.

3. Now, the assistant managers

4. of the five Strickland propane branches and I,

5. welcome you all to our annual winter picnic.

6. We have gathered here to celebrate propane…

7. God's gas.

8. And who could ignite the celebration better

9. than our senior assistant manager Mr. Hank Hill?

10. Hank, could you do the honors?

11. I'd be honored.

12. Well, hurry up, Hank.

13. Turn winter into summer.

14. Huh. Wow, Mr. Strickland, it's like you always find

15. the exact right moment to flip those burgers.

16. And I think you'll also find that now is the exact right moment

17. for my total quality management proposal.

18. Oh, for god's sake.

19. Hey, Vickers, who do you like for the Superbowl next year?

20. The dupey-loopies or the shimmy-shammies?

21. Okay, okay… very funny.

22. But I like the bills.

23. Ooh!

24. Look, mom… ash.

25. - There must be a volcano somewhere. - Huh?

26. - It's… it's… it's snowing. - Oh, no.

27. This can't be.

28. Okay, I have been through this before in Montana.

29. Now, nobody lick any flagpoles.

30. Snow!

31. Texans aren't prepared for this kind of nightmare, sir.

32. We got to work fast.

33. I'll unlock the gas reserves while you rally the troops.

34. All right, choke it down people.

35. This is a propane emergency, no time for chewing!

36. If we don't get heat to the people

37. you can bet the electric company will.

38. Joe Jack, fire up the bobtail truck.

39. Don't be a hero, Hank.

40. It's too late.

41. - Can I come, too, dad? - You bet, son.

42. If you can catch a bobtail on the fly you're welcome at Strickland propane.

43. Come on.

44. Slow down, Joe Jack.

45. Slow way down.

46. Slower.

47. Just stop the truck.

48. Whee!

49. It's a winter wonderland!

50. Whee!

51. I tell you what, man. Go down to Antarctica.

52. Ain't going to get that damn thing to work with a big old bottom like he got.

53. Whee!

54. No, ma'am, propane will not freeze.

55. Good news, Buck.

56. We can get propane to the nursing homes

57. by diverting it away from the museum of modern art.

58. If anyone asks, it was a tough choice.

59. Uh-huh. That's why your dad's one of the greats.

60. Just watch and learn, son.

61. Maybe someday, you'll be sitting in that seat.

62. Then where would he sit?

63. The way things are going, he'll be in the boss's chair.

64. Oh, oh, no, sir.

65. I'll just keep the chair I have

66. and wheel it over to your desk when the time comes.

67. Whew! I'm beat.

68. Think I'm going to call it a day.

69. Just got to finish up my paperwork.

70. There. Finished.

71. Hey, dad, how come I never got a Strickland calendar?

72. Uh, that's not for you, Bobby.

73. You're not old enough.

74. Well, hello, Miss. November.

75. You be careful. That's flammable.

76. Uh, Bobby, why don't you go on outside and make snow angels?

77. Okay.

78. Whoo! Hey… speaking of angels.

79. Look at the… Look at the wings

80. on this piece of chicken, would you? Would you?

81. - Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Well, she certainly is attractive, sir.

82. But I'm not sure that's an appropriate way

83. to be talking about our cleaning lady.

84. Merry Christmas.

85. I see your stockings are sure hung with care.

86. Ho-ho-ho-ho!

87. Ooh! Oh!

88. Uh, uh, Buck?

89. Got-dang it! I'm having an infarction.

90. - What? - Geez!

91. No! Oh, my god.

92. I'll call an ambulance!

93. Must get to the hospital.

94. Hang on, Buck.

95. We've still got a lot of propane to sell together.

96. Hello. Emergency room, please.

97. Dang it! Oh!

98. Mr. Strickland, you got to use both arms, like me.

99. What do you think?

100. If I show up at the hospital

101. with a tie on, it's kind of ghoulish.

102. It's like saying, why aren't you dead yet?

103. On the other hand, we are in a crisis

104. and I will have to give orders.

105. See? You are already thinking like a man in charge.

106. Ooh, this is so exciting.

107. Save the tie for the funeral.

108. All right…

109. Everybody listen up.

110. Strickland is a family.

111. And I'm like the daddy, and the daddy ain't feeling so good.

112. So it's up to you kids to become leaders.

113. Make sure daddy's business don't get run into the ground.

114. You work for me?

115. Yes, sir, Mr. Strickland.

116. I'm your daddy.

117. Now, all five of you kids are going to have to pitch in.

118. Take, uh, take on some added responsibility.

119. Could you ladies step outside for a minute, please?

120. I-I got a shot coming, and it's just rude, you know,

121. to make two such pretty gals stare at my bare backside.

122. All right, now that the skirts are out in the hallway,

123. we can get down to business.

124. One of you has to run the company.

125. Hank, you're my right-hand man.

126. I need you to feed my hounds.

127. - Uh… - Promise me you'll take care

128. of my hounds, Hank.

129. Uh, I'll take care of them. Sure.

130. Tell me that you will love them, Hank.

131. I'll, I… Uh, I'll… Uh…

132. All right, I'll do so.

133. Vickers, you run the company, whole shebang.

134. Let's see what that fancy business degree of yours is worth.

135. You betcha.

136. You're putting him in charge?

137. M-Mr. Strickland, I've been with the company 15 years.

138. Hank, I let you light the grill.

139. Right now, my hounds are starving.

140. I bought enough canned food to last us through this storm.

141. And the civil unrest that will inevitably follow.

142. Hope you like water chestnuts.

143. Uh, hey, neighbor.

144. I brought you something.

145. Water chestnuts.

146. Oh. Thank you.

147. As a matter of fact, there is something you can give me in return.

148. I only have a three-week supply of propane.

149. But you'll get Hank to hook me up.

150. You owe me.

151. Well, I'm sorry, Dale.

152. Hank may be in charge now,

153. but you are not going to get any special treatment.

154. Hank's priorities are propane first,

155. family second, friends third, in that order.

156. Fine. I'll just have to barter for it.

157. Whee!

158. Bill!

159. You like pumpkin-pie filling?

160. Hank!

161. What's going on, Hank?

162. Strickland picked Lloyd Vickers as Interim Manager.

163. What? Llo… Wha…

164. That suck up's not even fit to feed Strickland's dogs.

165. Uh… actually

166. that's my department now.

167. Oh. Well, I'm sure it has its own set of challenges.

168. Does anyone know what this means?

169. You're going to be doing drug testing?

170. You're thinking of PCP

171. and, yes, we are.

172. PDP, peak demand pricing.

173. This weather has created a propane shortage.

174. Therefore, market forces dictate that we raise our prices.

175. In business school, that's called supply and demand.

176. Yeah, well, In the real world,

177. that's called sticking it to people when they need us most.

178. Ah. Hank, can we dialogue for a second?

179. I know this must be difficult for you.

180. So I'm working out some flex time so you can feed Mr. Strickland's dogs.

181. And clean their mess.

182. Look, let me tell you something.

183. You can only learn from experience.

184. You got to treat people with respect.

185. You know who taught me that?

186. Buck Strickland.

187. He has the nerve to give me flex time.

188. That's what they give pregnant women and other disabled.

189. I don't know, Hank. Sounds like he's just trying to empower you.

190. See, that's the fifth building block of total quality management.

191. - Mm-hmm. - Mmm. Yep.

192. Well, you won't be so quick to defend this guy when he raises

193. propane prices, ten cents a gallon.

194. - Ten cents? What are you talking about? - What about my dang old hot tub, man?

195. That's insane.

196. Well, I'll tell you what.

197. When Strickland gets back from the hospital

198. and finds out about this.

199. He's going to have another heart attack.

200. Someone's got to teach that Vickers a lesson.

201. If you want, I can show you how to make a bomb

202. out of a roll of toilet paper and a stick of dynamite.

203. Why didn't Buck Strickland pick you to be boss, dad?

204. Well, uh… sometimes in life, uh…

205. Uh, curveball and such, uh…

206. Uh…

207. Ah, that's your ride, boy.

208. Hey, Joe Jack, can you give my boy a lift home?

209. Sorry, Hank.

210. Damn Vickers put tattlers in the trucks now.

211. What? He can't do that.

212. What's a tattler?

213. It's a meter that tells a boss

214. when the driver stops and for how long.

215. It's designed to prevent goof-offs, lunch breaks, unscheduled stops.

216. All the things the driver's union fought so hard for.

217. Meow. Look at me. I'm a kitty.

218. Meow. Meow, meow.

219. Look, doggies. Look at me, I'm a kitty.

220. Meow!

221. Good girl. Look at me. I've got whiskers. I'm a kitty cat.

222. Run, honey! They've seen you!

223. This is ridiculous.

224. There's a snow crisis going on.

225. And I'm sitting here, scrubbing off dog slobber.

226. Do not blame yourself.

227. Strickland is the fool who passed you over.

228. Well, no one bats a thousand.

229. Strickland's a good man.

230. He's the only other guy at the firm

231. who has the same passion for propane that I do.

232. Oh… my… Lord.

233. What?

234. The stove!

235. It's not propane! It's electric.

236. - No! - Yes!

237. Well, it better be self-cleaning because I think I'm going to vomit.

238. How could you, sir?

239. How could you buy an electric stove

240. after everything propane has given you?

241. Dang it, Hank, we're both men of the world.

242. I got a whole bunch of electric appliances.

243. They came with the house.

244. But, Mr. Strickland, you've always said

245. that propane is God's gas.

246. It's a higher calling.

247. Aw, heck, Hank, it's just a business.

248. It's about making as much money as you can, while you can.

249. That's why I let Vickers put in them tattlers.

250. What? You knew about that?

251. Oh, sure. I've been using tattlers off and on for years.

252. Back in the old days, we used midgets. Stuck them behind the seats

253. with a bucket of ice to keep them cool.

254. That's till Osha came in.

255. And put them poor little people on the street.

256. That's what they like to be called, Hank. Little people.

257. The 15 years I've worked with you

258. have been the happiest years of my life.

259. Now I find out it was all a lie.

260. I never thought I would say this but…

261. Mr. Strickland, I'm not coming in to work tomorrow.

262. You mean you quit or are you taking a personal day?

263. You heard me!

264. I just need a couple days up at the lake to figure out

265. what I was meant to do in this life.

266. I've been taking a good hard look

267. at the propane business

268. and it's sort of like seeing a woman with her makeup off.

269. Sharona Johnson came to beauty school once,

270. with her makeup off, and nobody told her.

271. Mm… that was mean.

272. Dad.

273. I got the stove.

274. Where's the propane thingy that goes into it?

275. Put it back, son.

276. There's no room for propane on this trip.

277. Now listen to me, Joe Jack.

278. We're just two steps from win-win.

279. Step one, you put the tattler boxes back in the trucks.

280. Step two, you keep your jobs.

281. Oh, I got a third step for you, honey.

282. - We quit. - Yeah.

283. Fine! Quit!

284. I've got a whole alumni newsletter full of friends I can call on.

285. They'll drive those trucks just for the life experience.

286. And I guess your friends are Haz-mat certified, too.

287. Haz-mat?

288. Hazardous materials, Vickers!

289. You moron!

290. You need a special license to drive a propane truck!

291. It's all right, sir, I can get to yes.

292. I'll hire a new batch of drivers right away.

293. You listen to me, got-dang it.

294. It's the got-dang height of the season.

295. There's no drivers from here to got-dang city!

296. You're fired!

297. Here you go, sister.

298. I told you we should have stopped at the Mega Lo Mart.

299. They don't even have a separate candy department here.

300. Bobby Hill, we are at a remote cabin out in the wilderness.

301. We will make our own candy.

302. Hank, what are you doing?

303. Put it down.

304. Now someone might see you.

305. Come on, Peggy.

306. Haven't you ever wondered what it's like,

307. to barbecue with charcoal?

308. You mean without propane?

309. But, I don't think that.

310. Well… well, yeah.

311. I guess I am curious.

312. This is the Hill residence.

313. Please leave a message at the beep.

314. Hank, it's your old buddy Buck Strickland.

315. That Vickers mucked things up worse

316. than Jack Kennedy at piggy bay, so I got no drivers!

317. I got no right-hand man! I need you, ol' top!

318. I need you bad.

319. Comes to 21.24.

320. Aw, darn. I only got a twenty.

321. I'll just run out to the car.

322. Aw, twenty's close enough.

323. We don't care about a buck here or there.

324. People before pennies, I always say.

325. Hmm. Well, thank you, friend.

326. You're good people.

327. We don't care about a buck here or there.

328. Now I know why they call you pa.

329. 'Cause you're pa-thetic.

330. And I know why they call you ma.

331. 'Cause you're always riding ma ass!

332. Hank, it's Rudy over at Goobersmooches restaurant.

333. I got no propane for my stoves.

334. I'm looking at 20 pounds of rotten rib eye.

335. I saved your life, dad.

336. Huh?

337. I saved your life.

338. I was going to push you in

339. and then I saved your life.

340. You were going to push me in?

341. It was a joke.

342. I said do not disturb him.

343. Ohhh.

344. We don't care about a buck here or there.

345. People before pennies.

346. People…

347. Of course, people.

348. Peggy! Peggy!

349. What? What is it?

350. Pack up the car! I figured it all out!

351. It's not about tattler boxes or who's in charge.

352. It's about service with a smile and making people happy.

353. Oh, I knew it!

354. You are going back to Strickland.

355. Hell, no.

356. I'm going to open up a general store.

357. Escucha me?

358. You see, everything I thought I'd find in propane it isn't there.

359. It's in the general store.

360. Where they put people before pennies.

361. A fella's got no money, he can't pay his bill?

362. Well, that's good enough for us.

363. And then that fella will tell another fella

364. and before you know it,

365. I'll have customers lined up around the block.

366. Bobby? Bobby, get out here, boy!

367. I'm leaving the propane business

368. and opening up a general store.

369. Okay.

370. I can't do it alone, Peggy.

371. General stores are Ma and Pa.

372. If you're not there

373. people are going to make assumptions like,

374. did Pa kill Ma?

375. They aren't going to want to buy batteries from me

376. if they think you're back in the freezer

377. hanging from a meat hook. Am I wrong?

378. I don't know. I don't know.

379. People do need batteries.

380. But this is just all happening so fast.

381. Will you think about it… Ma?

382. We could have a section for children's books.

383. And we wouldn't even have to talk to them as long as the kids brought them back.

384. That's a great idea, Peggy.

385. Kids are people.

386. You see, you've come up

387. with a whole new customer base for our store.

388. Ohh, well…

389. Oh, what the H?

390. You know what? I'll do it.

391. I am going to go type my letter of resignation,

392. to the Arlen school board right now.

393. I guess I'd better write my letter, too.

394. It is with regret…

395. Hank, it's Velma Throckmorton.

396. My hands froze to my walker

397. and I had to thaw them in the microwave.

398. I need my propane.

399. It is with… deep regret…

400. Uh, Mr. Hill, it's Hugh Jimmerson.

401. My heat's gone out.

402. I've tried wearing turtlenecks, but they make me look French.

403. Where are your trucks?

404. It is with very deep regret…

405. Mr. Hill, it's Leta Anderson.

406. All three kids got the group

407. and I'm clear out of propane.

408. It's cold. It's real cold.

409. All finished, Hank!

410. Okay. Here it is.

411. One resignation letter, signed and self-notarized.

412. Hank?

413. Peggy, went back to work. Love, Hank Hill.

414. Oh, is that you, Hank?

415. You come back to dance on my grave?

416. No, sir. I don't feel much like dancing.

417. There's a town in crisis out there and they need propane.

418. It ain't going to happen, Hank. Vickers screwed everything up.

419. All our drivers quit.

420. A real propane man doesn't know the word quit.

421. Well, I don't know how they said it,

422. but them drivers ain't working here no more!

423. And you and me can't drive them propane trucks

424. because we don't have Haz-mat licenses.

425. It's all over.

426. No, it ain't.

427. You don't need any Haz-mat license

428. to drive a tow truck.

429. Hooray! Hooray!

430. Yeah!

431. Saved your life, dad.

432. Saved my life.

433. Now I get it.

434. Aaah.

435. Look at me, I'm a kitty. Reow!