1. Just my luck!Copy !req
2. The Super Bowl party's in 10 days...Copy !req
3. and my television goes
on the disabled list.Copy !req
4. Why don't we just get a new TV?Copy !req
5. Well, I wish
that was possible, son, but...Copy !req
6. the terrible truth is that America...Copy !req
7. the best country
in the history of the world...Copy !req
8. no longer makes television sets.Copy !req
9. If I let this one fall apart,
I let a piece of America die.Copy !req
10. Well, couldn't we just buy,
like, a Japanese one?Copy !req
11. Bobby, go to your room.Copy !req
12. Luanne, telephone! It's Buckley!Copy !req
13. Hello, Buckley.Copy !req
14. What?Copy !req
15. Of course not.Copy !req
16. We could go
to the outlet stores next week.Copy !req
17. It's not like
they're having a sale or anything.Copy !req
18. They have everyday low prices.Copy !req
19. Why are people so mean, Aunt Peggy?Copy !req
20. It's been 2,000 years since Jesus was born,
but we're still acting like cavemen.Copy !req
21. Honey.Copy !req
22. Peggy, we're going shopping...Copy !req
23. for the Super Bowl party,
not your feminine items.Copy !req
24. Diet soda?Copy !req
25. Hank, we have got a situation here.Copy !req
26. Luanne has come down
with a bad case of the "Why Me's?"Copy !req
27. Come on, do something
to cheer her up, please.Copy !req
28. Come on, do something
to cheer her up, please.Copy !req
29. Luanne?Copy !req
30. Me and Bobby are heading over
to the Mega Lo Mart.Copy !req
31. You want to go for a ride?Copy !req
32. Is it okay if I don't feel like talking?Copy !req
33. Sure. Why not?Copy !req
34. It's not just Buckley. It's everything.Copy !req
35. The world's going to pieces.
I mean, look at any newspaper.Copy !req
36. Aliens are getting autopsies,
and devil-babies are being born every day.Copy !req
37. That may be true, Luanne, but...Copy !req
38. it's up to each of us
to make the world a better place.Copy !req
39. Take me, for example.Copy !req
40. I sell a clean-burning,
energy-efficient fuel.Copy !req
41. Do you think I could sell propane?Copy !req
42. No, what I'm saying is
you've got to find your own calling.Copy !req
43. Yeah, you're probably right.Copy !req
44. You're always probably right.Copy !req
45. Garage sale.Copy !req
46. This is it.Copy !req
47. One deflection coil, made in the US of A.Copy !req
48. With this in our set,
the only thing beyond our control...Copy !req
49. is the size of the NFC victory.Copy !req
50. Why don't we just watch the game
at Mr. Dauterive's house?Copy !req
51. I like it there. He keeps snacks
in his couch cushions.Copy !req
52. No, Bobby. The Super Bowl party goes:Copy !req
53. Bill, Hank, Dale, Boomhauer.Copy !req
54. This is Hank year,
and I want everything to be perfect.Copy !req
55. People are still talking
about Super Bowl XXIV.Copy !req
56. Boomhauer's dip was so thick...Copy !req
57. our chips were snapping
like Joe Theisman's birdie leg.Copy !req
58. My name is Luanne. What's yours?Copy !req
59. I'm Mr. Cat. "Meow" do you do?Copy !req
60. You're pretty good with those.Copy !req
61. I used to play with the puppets
all the time, with the social worker.Copy !req
62. Hey, how much for the puppets?Copy !req
63. You mean it?Copy !req
64. Well, if it costs 25 cents
to make you smile, it's a bargain.Copy !req
65. Look, Dad! An old wig!Copy !req
66. Bobby, take that off.Copy !req
67. I'm not saying it was a miracle,
Reverend Thomason...Copy !req
68. but I don't usually trip into boxes.Copy !req
69. I think God has a plan for me.Copy !req
70. And it involves puppets.Copy !req
71. Luanne, I like the idea
of a Christian puppet show...Copy !req
72. but try to see things
from my perspective...Copy !req
73. as the spiritual leader
of this congregation.Copy !req
74. We just laid new carpet
in the Activities Room.Copy !req
75. You put 30 kids in there,
and lose their attention...Copy !req
76. fruit punch all over my new carpet.Copy !req
77. Please just hear me out.Copy !req
78. You know how baby Jesus
was born in a manger?Copy !req
79. Okay, baby Jesus was born in a manger.Copy !req
80. Now, what if, Reverend, what if...Copy !req
81. the barnyard animals who witnessed
the miracle birth of the son of God...Copy !req
82. had a show of their own?Copy !req
83. But Jesus only spent
a few days in the manger...Copy !req
84. and after Luke 2:16,
there's no mention of the animals.Copy !req
85. - Are you sure?
- Trust me.Copy !req
86. After he leaves the manger,
the Bible pretty much sticks with Jesus.Copy !req
87. Maybe that's good, because then
the animals are kind of like us.Copy !req
88. They're just waiting for Jesus
to come back.Copy !req
89. And in the meantime...Copy !req
90. don't you think they'd have
all sorts of crazy adventures?Copy !req
91. I call it The Manger Babies.Copy !req
92. We're headlining next week
in the Activities Room.Copy !req
93. Manger Babies, how do you like that?Copy !req
94. - It's going to be a great show.
- I know.Copy !req
95. But now I've got so much work to do:Copy !req
96. I have to write a script,
build a puppet theater...Copy !req
97. learn to talk without moving my lips.Copy !req
98. You can make a theater out of
that old refrigerator box in the garage.Copy !req
99. I keep it pretty clean.Copy !req
100. Uncle Hank, thank you.Copy !req
101. Who said that?Copy !req
102. You're doing a great job, Luanne.Copy !req
103. - Yep.
- Yep.Copy !req
104. Thanks, guys.
But if you have any suggestions...Copy !req
105. You might want to spell "theater"
"R-E." It looks classier that way.Copy !req
106. For those of you
who missed my sermon this morning...Copy !req
107. I'd like to remind you that
spilling anything on a new carpet is a sin.Copy !req
108. Now, please give a warm welcome
to Miss Luanne Platter.Copy !req
109. Once upon a time...Copy !req
110. almost two thousands of years ago...Copy !req
111. our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ, was born...Copy !req
112. in a manger.Copy !req
113. And in that manger,
there were the cutest little animals.Copy !req
114. This is their story.Copy !req
115. After Jesus left and Herod cameCopy !req
116. Demanding first-born sonsCopy !req
117. He cast an evil spell on themCopy !req
118. Freezing everyoneCopy !req
119. Just lately, I bought a nativity sceneCopy !req
120. At a yard sale, second handCopy !req
121. They came to life, and then, Amen!Copy !req
122. I met the Manger BabiesCopy !req
123. - There's Obediah the donkey.
Hee-haw!Copy !req
124. Meow! Meow!Copy !req
125. An octopus, too: Gurgle, gurgle.Copy !req
126. But let's not forget a very British bird:Copy !req
127. Sir Reginald Featherbottom lll.Copy !req
128. "Charmed, I'm sure, guvnor."Copy !req
129. They are the Manger BabiesCopy !req
130. Getting in trouble,
the Manger BabiesCopy !req
131. Spreading God's message of loveCopy !req
132. Manger BabiesCopy !req
133. Manger Babies!Copy !req
134. Darn it! I left a finish nail
sticking out a quarter inch.Copy !req
135. Hank. Shush.Copy !req
136. Going to the Movies.Copy !req
137. Who wants to go to the movies?Copy !req
138. Hee-haw! I do. Hee-haw!Copy !req
139. There are five of us,
and I only have four tickets.Copy !req
140. One of us blokes
could sneak in, what, what!Copy !req
141. Count me out!
Isn't sneaking wrong?Copy !req
142. Hee-haw!
Everybody's doing it. Hee-haw!Copy !req
143. Gurgle, gurgle.Copy !req
144. "Meow-kay," let's go.Copy !req
145. We're going to the moviesCopy !req
146. Yeah, but it reflects poorly
on my craftsmanship.Copy !req
147. - That's all I'm saying.
- You're the only one who notices.Copy !req
148. four tickets.Copy !req
149. But there are five of you.
You were trying to sneak into the movies.Copy !req
150. You Manger Babies are in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
151. I'm locking you in a closet.Copy !req
152. No!Copy !req
153. And that's why you shouldn't
sneak into the movies.Copy !req
154. The end.Copy !req
155. The end?Copy !req
156. The end?Copy !req
157. Well, do they get out of the closet?Copy !req
158. Sure, I guess.Copy !req
159. How?Copy !req
160. How do they get out?Copy !req
161. I'm bored.Copy !req
162. I don't understand.Copy !req
163. Okay, Luanne...Copy !req
164. how do they get out of the closet?Copy !req
165. No, that won't work.Copy !req
166. Jimmy the lock
with a coat hanger.Copy !req
167. What? I don't... I can't...Copy !req
168. Jimmy the lock with...Copy !req
169. - I'll save you, Manger Babies.
- You will?Copy !req
170. Yes.Copy !req
171. Because I'm the assistant manager
of this movie theater.Copy !req
172. I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories.Copy !req
173. And you are fired.Copy !req
174. We're free!Copy !req
175. We're free!Copy !req
176. Thank you, Assistant Manager.Copy !req
177. "Meow" can we ever repay you?Copy !req
178. By never forgetting this lesson:Copy !req
179. Sneaking into the movies is wrong.Copy !req
180. As wrong as spilling juice on a new carpet.Copy !req
181. Bravo!Copy !req
182. You know, Luanne really shouldn't
waste this kind of talent on church.Copy !req
183. If you want, I could show her tape
to my boss at Channel 84.Copy !req
184. He's always looking for
quality children's programming...Copy !req
185. and home videos of things blowing up.Copy !req
186. Luanne really could use a boost right now.Copy !req
187. But I could not take advantage
of our friendship like that.Copy !req
188. Peggy, honey, this is show business.Copy !req
189. That's what friends do.Copy !req
190. Done. All right, Bobby,
it's safe to plug her back in now.Copy !req
191. Okay.Copy !req
192. Another Super Bowl,
another can of Scotchguard.Copy !req
193. It would be a lot simpler
if you would just ask Bill...Copy !req
194. not to wipe his hands on the cushions.Copy !req
195. I got a better idea.Copy !req
196. You sit here.Copy !req
197. Boomhauer, Dale,
me and Bobby will sit here.Copy !req
198. We'll do a zone defense around the chips.Copy !req
199. What if Bill tries scrambling
around the coffee table?Copy !req
200. He doesn't have that kind of quickness.
Not anymore.Copy !req
201. Aunt Peggy, could you
pull your car out of the garage?Copy !req
202. Me and the Babies need to rehearse.
The TV station could call any minute.Copy !req
203. They'd be crazy not to.Copy !req
204. That was the best dang
Christian puppet show...Copy !req
205. I have ever seen. Ever.Copy !req
206. I couldn't have done it without your help.
You saved the day.Copy !req
207. That's why this time I wrote a part
especially for you.Copy !req
208. That's very nice, Luanne,
but my appearance was one night only.Copy !req
209. But you got to do it.Copy !req
210. Who else am I gonna get to play God?Copy !req
211. - God?
- Sure.Copy !req
212. You were great as the hero
of my last show, so I figured...Copy !req
213. why not have you play
the greatest hero of them all?Copy !req
214. I tell you what, Luanne...Copy !req
215. just as soon as I finish
turning beer into water...Copy !req
216. I'll meet you in the garage.Copy !req
217. Great!Copy !req
218. She made me God.Copy !req
219. If you're God,
I guess that makes me Jesus.Copy !req
220. Bobby, honey,
you really shouldn't say that.Copy !req
221. That is for Luanne to decide.Copy !req
222. Let there be light.Copy !req
223. And it was good.Copy !req
224. That's super.
But can we get back to the script?Copy !req
225. We're at the part
where you meet your archenemy.Copy !req
226. - Bobby's G.l. Joe?
- Joe Six Pack.Copy !req
227. He's a drunk driver who died
in a car crash and was sent to hell.Copy !req
228. He borrowed Satan's truck without asking,
trashed it, and got kicked out of hell.Copy !req
229. And now he roams the earth,
riding buses and doing evil.Copy !req
230. He won't call on your birthday
and throws beer bottles at your head.Copy !req
231. What? He crashed a truck?Copy !req
232. You will feel my wrath.Copy !req
233. What're you throwing out, grandpa?Copy !req
234. The money I poured into
the social security system?Copy !req
235. It's for Luanne's puppet show.Copy !req
236. I'm playing God.Copy !req
237. Well, maybe we ought to ask God
who's gonna win the Super Bowl.Copy !req
238. Going to win? The game was
pre-taped six months ago...Copy !req
239. in the same Nevada hangar
where they faked the moon landing.Copy !req
240. Yeah, it's like that
dang old Capricorn One.Copy !req
241. A good movie,
but they ain't gonna fake no...Copy !req
242. staying on the ground like that
little dude, that old Neil Armstrong.Copy !req
243. I hope you're ready for that party, Hank,
because you only got...Copy !req
244. four more days till the Super Bowl.Copy !req
245. Bill, the Super Bowl is in three days.Copy !req
246. Damn.Copy !req
247. God's not angry on that line.
He's vengeful. Let's try it again.Copy !req
248. Luanne, it's the TV station.Copy !req
249. Hello.Copy !req
250. Hank, look how excited she is!Copy !req
251. Just a few days ago,
she was talking...Copy !req
252. like the world was coming to an end.Copy !req
253. You're a good man.Copy !req
254. Man?Copy !req
255. We did it!Copy !req
256. Channel 84 is putting
Manger Babies on the air!Copy !req
257. It's UHF, Uncle Hank: ultrahigh frequency.Copy !req
258. Luanne, you have thrust your hands
into something wonderful this time.Copy !req
259. We had better get back to work.
We got a whole hour to fill on Sunday.Copy !req
260. That doesn't give us much time
to get ready. I mean, Sunday is...Copy !req
261. Sunday?Copy !req
262. Now, is that before or after
the Super Bowl?Copy !req
263. During. Can you believe it?Copy !req
264. They put us on against the
year's highest-rated TV event...Copy !req
265. cause they know we're the one show
that can beat it.Copy !req
266. It's a huge responsibility,
but I know I can do it...Copy !req
267. with God on my side.Copy !req
268. Uncle Hank, I just realized
my octopus only has six legs.Copy !req
269. If I call him a "sextopus,"
do you think I'll offend sensibilities?Copy !req
270. I'm sure you'll figure it out
before Super Sunday.Copy !req
271. I call it "Super Sunday" because that's
when they play the Super Bowl...Copy !req
272. this Sunday.Copy !req
273. I guess what I'm trying to say is,
I'm gonna stay home and watch the game.Copy !req
274. What? But you're in my show.Copy !req
275. Luanne, the Super Bowl is an event.Copy !req
276. We're having a party. I'm the host.Copy !req
277. So you mean you're not coming?Copy !req
278. No, that's not what I said, exactly.
I said I'm gonna watch the game.Copy !req
279. But it could end early due to injuries
or a terrorist attack.Copy !req
280. Yeah, who knows?Copy !req
281. You think I want to miss the Super Bowl?
I've got enough money on this game...Copy !req
282. You think I want to miss the Super Bowl?
I've got enough money on this game...Copy !req
283. to cover the bath I took
on the Dinah Shore Classic.Copy !req
284. But I will sit through that puppet show
because Luanne asked me to.Copy !req
285. Come on,
I'll be God some other time, like Easter.Copy !req
286. That's during baseball season. Who cares?Copy !req
287. Hank, Luanne believes in you.Copy !req
288. How can you allow suffering in her world
when you have the power to prevent it?Copy !req
289. Suffering is a part of every religion,
Peggy, I mean...Copy !req
290. look at what the Jews have been through,
and you never hear them complaining.Copy !req
291. Okay, who had
three minutes and forty seconds?Copy !req
292. Yo!Copy !req
293. Well, goodbye, Hank.
Enjoy the "Selfish Bowl."Copy !req
294. Luanne, I want you to know...Copy !req
295. if Uncle Hank let you down...Copy !req
296. honey, it doesn't mean
that the world is a bad place.Copy !req
297. Yes, it does.Copy !req
298. Check it out! Look at that play!Copy !req
299. Made it to the commercial.Copy !req
300. What the hell do Tina Turner's legs
have to do with auto insurance?Copy !req
301. Wait a minute.Copy !req
302. This just in from the Super Bowl. With
48 seconds left in the first quarter...Copy !req
303. it's 63 degrees and partly cloudy.Copy !req
304. Now stay tuned for the premiere
of Luanne Platter's Manger Babies.Copy !req
305. What are you doing, Hank?Copy !req
306. If I wanted to spend Super Bowl Sunday
staring at my wife...Copy !req
307. I would have married Fran Tarkenton.Copy !req
308. I didn't do anything.Copy !req
309. Uncle...Copy !req
310. Oh.Copy !req
311. Okay, Luanne, you're on in 5, 4...Copy !req
312. 3, 2...Copy !req
313. Look at this! He's broken free!Copy !req
314. Go! Go!Copy !req
315. Come on, man! Turn it back.Copy !req
316. I didn't change it.Copy !req
317. Damn, we missed it!Copy !req
318. Well, at least we get to watch him
dance in the end zone.Copy !req
319. That's right. Come on.Copy !req
320. Okay!Copy !req
321. - Come on, switch it back.
- Come on, man.Copy !req
322. - What is this?
- What are we watching?Copy !req
323. Come on,
Manger Babies. I'll give you a ride.Copy !req
324. We don't need it.Copy !req
325. God is the designated driver tonight.Copy !req
326. God doesn't care about you.Copy !req
327. How can you say that?
God does care, and He will show it.Copy !req
328. This is getting old, Hank.Copy !req
329. It's not me. It's this damn remote control.Copy !req
330. Bill must have
dripped crumbs in it or something.Copy !req
331. Maybe God had a flat tire or...Copy !req
332. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
333. All I know is, this is the part
where I start thinking:Copy !req
334. "Why don't they just
get out of the house?"Copy !req
335. Don't be an idiot.Copy !req
336. God's not coming.Copy !req
337. He's watching the Super Bowl. Now, get in.Copy !req
338. Hee-haw! We better
do what he says. Hee-haw!Copy !req
339. Well, he is our only ride.Copy !req
340. Luanne, no! Don't get in the car!Copy !req
341. Hee-haw! if God doesn't get here
soon, we're all going to die.Copy !req
342. Maybe it's best that we do die.Copy !req
343. Who wants to live in a world without God?Copy !req
344. You're right.Copy !req
345. Hey.Copy !req
346. Joe Six Pack, just point your car
at those oncoming headlights...Copy !req
347. and let's get this thing over with.Copy !req
348. - Oh, my God!
- Yes, I have come.Copy !req
349. Thank you, Uncle...
Lord, we never stopped believing in you.Copy !req
350. The Manger Babies' faith
has been rewarded.Copy !req
351. You are all saved.Copy !req
352. And as for you, Joe Six Pack...Copy !req
353. anyone who drinks and drives
is a real jackass.Copy !req
354. Hee-haw! Hey!Copy !req
355. So, Hank, how does it feel
doing the right thing?Copy !req
356. Pretty good, I guess.Copy !req
357. Of course, not as good as getting
to watch the end of the Super Bowl.Copy !req
358. The Super Bowl's
always a blowout.Copy !req
359. This puppet show,
it was a real knuckle-biter.Copy !req
360. My lord! It's Troy Aikman!Copy !req
361. What are you doing here, son? Sir?Copy !req
362. It's kind of a funny story. Some guys were
snapping towels in the locker room.Copy !req
363. So I went to Bible study to get some
perspective and saw a flier for this show.Copy !req
364. Sort of a little miracle, I guess.Copy !req
365. You know, it was kind of a miracle
that brought me here, too.Copy !req
366. You see, I was watching my TV,
and it started flipping channels.Copy !req
367. Mom, I hope you don't mind...Copy !req
368. but I borrowed the batteries
from your remote control.Copy !req
369. What remote control?
I don't have a remote control.Copy !req
370. Sure you do, in your purse.Copy !req
371. The universal remote that can change
a channel on any brand of television.Copy !req
372. I borrowed the batteries for my Game Boy.Copy !req
373. - When?
- Before the Super Bowl.Copy !req
374. But if the remote had no batteries,
how did l...Copy !req
375. Or after the Super Bowl. I don't remember.Copy !req
376. That's right, come on.Copy !req