King of the Hill 2x12

Directed by Jeff Myers

Maurice LaMarche as Reverend Thomason (voice) • Debi Derryberry as Kid (voice) • Troy Aikman as Troy Aikman (voice) • Peabo Bryson as National Anthem Singer (voice)

After seeing that Luanne is depressed, Hank volunteers to buy her some hand puppets at a rummage sale. Luanne starts doing a Christian puppet show, The Manger Babies. Hank agrees to play God in the televised version of the puppet show. When it turns out that the show will be on at the same time as the Super Bowl, Hank has to choose between helping Luanne or watching the game.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. I'm Buck Strickland, and if you don't recognize me,

2. you're at the wrong event.

3. The assistant managers of the five Strickland Propane branches and I

4. welcome you all to our annual winter picnic.

5. We have gathered here to celebrate propane...

6. God's gas. Who could ignite the celebration better

7. than our senior assistant manager, Mr. Hank Hill?

8. Hank, could you do the honors?

9. I'd be honored.

10. Hurry up, Hank, turn winter into summer.

11. Wow, Mr. Strickland.

12. It's like you always find the exact right moment to flip those burgers.

13. I think you'll also find that now is the exact right moment

14. for my total quality management proposal.

15. For God's sake.

16. Hey, Vickers! Who do you like for the Super Bowl next year?

17. The Dupey-Loopies or the Shimmy-Shammies?

18. Okay. Very funny. But I like the Bills.

19. Look, Mom, ash. There must be a volcano somewhere.

20. It's snowing!

21. It can't be.

22. I have been through this before in Montana. Nobody lick any flag poles.

23. Snow?

24. Texans aren't prepared for this kind of nightmare, sir. We gotta work fast.

25. I'll unlock the gas reserves, while you rally the troops.

26. Choke it down, people!

27. This is a propane emergency. No time for chewing.

28. If we don't get heat to the people, you can bet the electric company will.

29. Joe Jack, fire up the bobtail truck!

30. Don't be a hero.

31. It's too late.

32. - Can I come too, Dad? - You bet, son.

33. If you can catch a bobtail on the fly, you're welcome at Strickland Propane.

34. Come on.

35. Slow down.

36. Slow way down. Slower.

37. Just stop the truck.

38. It's a winter wonderland!

39. I tell you what. Don't go down to Antarctica.

40. Ain't gonna get that dang thing to work with a little big old bottom like he got.

41. No, ma'am, propane will not freeze.

42. Good news, Buck.

43. We can get propane to the nursing homes

44. by diverting it away from the Museum of Modern Art.

45. If anyone asks, it was a tough choice.

46. That's why your dad's one of the greats.

47. Just watch and learn, son.

48. Maybe someday you'll be sitting in that seat.

49. Then where would he sit?

50. The way things are going, he'll be in the boss's chair.

51. No, sir. I'll just keep the chair I have

52. and wheel it over to your desk when the time comes.

53. I'm beat. I think I'm gonna call it a day.

54. I just gotta finish up my paperwork.

55. There. Finished.

56. Dad.

57. How come I never got a Strickland calendar?

58. That's not for you. You're not old enough.

59. Hello, Miss November.

60. You be careful. That's flammable.

61. Bobby.

62. Why don't you go on outside and make snow angels?

63. Okay.

64. Speaking of angels, look at the wings on this piece of chicken, would you?

65. She certainly is attractive.

66. But I'm not sure that's an appropriate way

67. to be talking about our cleaning lady.

68. Merry Christmas!

69. I see your stockings are sure hung with care.

70. Buck?

71. God dangit! I'm having an infarction.

72. What?

73. Oh, my God. I'll call an ambulance.

74. - We'll get to the hospital. - Hang on.

75. We still got a lot of propane to sell together.

76. Hello, emergency room, please.

77. Darn it.

78. Mr. Strickland, you gotta use both arms, like me.

79. What do you think?

80. If I show up at the hospital with a tie on, it's kind of ghoulish.

81. It's like saying, "Why aren't you dead yet?"

82. On the other hand, we are in a crisis, and I will have to give orders.

83. See? You are already thinking like a man in charge.

84. This is so exciting. Save the tie for the funeral.

85. Everybody listen up. Strickland is a family.

86. I'm like the daddy, and the daddy ain't feeling so good.

87. So, it's up to you kids to become leaders.

88. Make sure Daddy's business don't get run into the ground.

89. - Do you work for me? - Yes, sir, Mr. Strickland.

90. I'm your daddy.

91. Now, all five of you kids are going to have to pitch in.

92. Take on some added responsibility.

93. Could you ladies step outside for a minute, please?

94. I got a shot coming, and it's just rude, you know,

95. to make two such pretty gals stare at my bare backside.

96. Now that the skirts are out in the hallway, we can get down to business.

97. One of you has to run the company.

98. Hank, you're my right-hand man.

99. I need you to feed my hounds.

100. Promise me you'll take care of my hounds.

101. I'll take care of them. Sure.

102. Tell me that you will love them.

103. I'll... All right, I'll do so.

104. Vickers, you run the company. The whole shebang.

105. Lets see what that fancy business degree is worth.

106. - You betcha. - You're putting him in charge?

107. Mr. Strickland, I've been with the company 15 years.

108. I let you light the grill. Right now, my hounds are starving.

109. I bought enough canned food

110. to last us through this storm and the civil unrest that will inevitably follow.

111. Hope you like water chestnuts.

112. Hey, neighbor! I brought you something.

113. Water chestnuts.

114. Thank you.

115. As a matter of fact, there is something you can give me in return.

116. I only have a three-week supply of propane.

117. But you'll get Hank to hook me up.

118. - You owe me. - I'm sorry.

119. Hank may be in charge now,

120. but you are not gonna get any special treatment.

121. Hank's priorities are propane first, family second,

122. friends third, in that order.

123. Fine. I'll just have to barter for it.

124. Bill, you like pumpkin pie filling?

125. Hank!

126. What's going on?

127. Strickland picked Lloyd Vickers as interim manager.

128. What? Why, that suck-up's not even fit to feed Strickland's dogs.

129. Actually, that's my department now.

130. I'm sure it has its own set of challenges.

131. Does anyone know what this means?

132. You're gonna be doing drug testing?

133. You're thinking of P.C.P. And, yes, we are.

134. "Peak Demand Pricing."

135. This weather has created a propane shortage,

136. therefore market forces dictate that we raise our prices.

137. In business school, that's called "supply and demand."

138. In the real world,

139. that's called sticking it to people when they need us most.

140. Can we "dialogue" for a second?

141. I know this must be difficult for you. So I'm working out some flex time

142. so you can feed Mr. Strickland's dogs, and clean their mess.

143. Let me tell you something you can only learn from experience.

144. You got to treat people with respect.

145. You know who taught me that? Buck Strickland.

146. He has the nerve to give me "flex time."

147. That's what they give pregnant women, and other disableds.

148. I don't know. Sounds like he's just trying to empower you.

149. That's the fifth building block of total quality management.

150. You won't be so quick to defend this guy

151. when he raises propane prices 10 cents a gallon.

152. - 10 cents? - What?

153. What about my dang old hot tub?

154. I tell you what. When Strickland gets back from the hospital

155. and finds out about this, he's gonna have another heart attack.

156. Someone's gotta teach that Vickers a lesson.

157. If you want, I can show you how to make a bomb

158. out of a roll of toilet paper and a stick of dynamite.

159. Why didn't Buck Strickland pick you to be boss?

160. Sometimes in life...

161. Curve ball and such...

162. That's your ride, boy.

163. Hey, Joe Jack.

164. - Can you give my boy a lift home? - Sorry.

165. Vickers put tattlers in the trucks now.

166. - What? He can't do that. - What's a tattler?

167. It's a meter that tells the boss when the driver stops, and for how long.

168. It's designed to prevent goof-offs, lunch breaks, unscheduled stops.

169. All the things the drivers' union fought so hard for.

170. Look at me, I'm a kitty.

171. Good dog. Look at me. I've got whiskers. I'm a kitty cat.

172. Run, honey. They've seen you.

173. This is ridiculous. There's a snow crisis going on,

174. and I'm sitting here scrubbing off dog slobber.

175. Do not blame yourself. Strickland is the fool who passed you over.

176. No one bats 1.000. Strickland's a good man.

177. He's the only other guy who has the same passion for propane that I do.

178. My Lord.

179. - What? - The stove.

180. It's not propane. It's electric.

181. - No. - Yes.

182. It had better be self-cleaning, because I think I'm gonna vomit.

183. How could you, sir?

184. How could you buy an electric stove, after everything propane has given you?

185. Dang it, Hank, we're both men of the world.

186. I've got a whole bunch of electric appliances.

187. They came with the house.

188. But, Mr. Strickland, you've always said that propane is God's gas.

189. - It's a higher calling. - Hell, it's just a business.

190. It's about making as much money as you can, while you can.

191. That's why I let Vickers put in them tattlers.

192. What? You knew about that?

193. Sure. I've been using tattlers off and on for years.

194. Back in the old days, we used midgets.

195. Stuck them behind the seats with a bucket of ice to keep them cool.

196. That's till OSHA came in and put them poor little people on the street.

197. That's what they like to be called. "Little people."

198. The 15 years I've worked with you have been the happiest years of my life.

199. Now I find out it was all a lie.

200. I never thought I would say this, but...

201. Mr. Strickland, I'm not coming into work tomorrow.

202. You mean, you quit, or are you taking a personal day?

203. You heard me.

204. I just need a couple days up at the lake to figure out

205. what I was meant to do in this life.

206. I've been taking a good hard look at the propane business,

207. and it's sort of like seeing a woman with her make-up off.

208. Sharona Johnson came to beauty school once with her make-up off

209. and nobody told her.

210. That was mean.

211. Dad.

212. I got the stove.

213. Where's the propane thingy that goes into it?

214. Put it back. There's no room for propane on this trip.

215. Now, listen to me.

216. We're just two steps from win-win.

217. Step one, you put the tattler boxes back in the trucks.

218. Step two, you keep your jobs.

219. I got a third step for you, honey. We quit.

220. Fine. Quit.

221. I've got a whole alumni newsletter full of friends I can call on.

222. They'll drive those trucks just for the life experience.

223. I guess your friends are HazMat certified, too.

224. HazMat?

225. Hazardous materials, Vickers! You moron!

226. You need a special license to drive a propane truck!

227. It's all right. I can get to "yes."

228. I'll hire a new batch of drivers right away.

229. You listen to me, Goddang it!

230. It's the Goddang height of the season.

231. There's no drivers from here to Goddang City.

232. You're fired!

233. Here you go, Sister.

234. I told you we should have stopped at the Mega Lo Mart.

235. They don't even have a separate candy department here.

236. We are at a remote cabin out in the wilderness.

237. We will make our own candy.

238. What are you doing?

239. - Put it down. Someone might see. - Come on.

240. Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to barbecue with charcoal?

241. You mean without propane? But I don't think that...

242. I guess I am curious.

243. This is the Hill residence.

244. Please leave a message at the beep.

245. It's your old buddy Buck Strickland.

246. That Vickers mucked things up worse than Jack Kennedy at Piggy Bay.

247. So, I got no drivers.

248. I got no right-hand man! I need you, old top.

249. I need you bad.

250. Comes to $21.24.

251. Darn! I only got a $20. I'll just run out to the car.

252. $20's close enough. We don't care about $1 here or there.

253. "People before pennies," I always say.

254. Thank you, friend. You're good people.

255. "We don't care about $1 here or there."

256. Now I know why they call you "Pa," 'cause you're Pa-thetic.

257. I know why they call you "Ma," 'cause you're always riding ma ass.

258. Hank, it's Rudy over at Goobersmooches Restaurant.

259. I got no propane for my stoves.

260. I'm looking at 20 pounds of rotten rib eye.

261. I saved your life.

262. Huh?

263. I saved your life.

264. I was gonna push you in, and then I saved your life.

265. - You were going to push me in? - It was a joke.

266. I said, "do not" disturb him.

267. Oh.

268. We don't care about $1 here or there.

269. "People before pennies."

270. People. Of course. People.

271. Peggy!

272. What is it?

273. Pack up the car. I figured it all out.

274. It's not about tattler boxes, or who's in charge.

275. It's about service with a smile and making people happy.

276. I knew it. You are going back to Strickland.

277. Hell, no. I'm gonna open up a general store.

278. Escuchame?

279. Everything I thought I'd find in propane, it isn't there,

280. it's in the general store, where they put people before pennies.

281. A fella's got no money, he can't pay his bill?

282. That's good enough for us.

283. That fella will tell another, and before you know it,

284. I'll have customers lined up around the block.

285. Bobby!

286. Get out here, boy!

287. I'm leaving the propane business, and opening up a general store.

288. Okay.

289. I can't do it alone. General stores are "Ma and Pa."

290. If you're not there, people'll make assumptions, like:

291. "Did Pa kill Ma?"

292. They aren't gonna wanna buy batteries from me

293. if they think you're back in the freezer hanging from a meat hook.

294. - Am I wrong? - I don't know.

295. People do need batteries, but this is happening so fast.

296. Will you think about it, Ma?

297. We could have a section for books. Children's books!

298. We wouldn't charge for them as long as the kids brought them back.

299. That's a great idea, Peggy. Kids are people.

300. You see? You've come up with a whole new customer base for our store.

301. Oh, well...

302. What the "H"! You know what? I'll do it.

303. I'll type my letter of resignation to the Arlen school board right now.

304. I guess I had better write my letter, too.

305. "It is with regret..."

306. It's Velma Throckmorton.

307. My hands froze to my walker, and I had to thaw them in the microwave.

308. I need my propane.

309. "It is with deep regret..."

310. Mr. Hill, it's Hugh Jimmerson. My heat's gone out.

311. I've tried wearing turtlenecks, but they make me look French.

312. Where are your trucks?

313. "It is with very deep regret..."

314. Mr. Hill, it's Leta Anderson.

315. All three kids got the croup, and I'm clear out of propane.

316. It's cold. It's real cold.

317. All finished, Hank!

318. Okay.

319. Here it is. One resignation letter,

320. signed and self-notarized.

321. Hank?

322. "Peggy, went back to work. Love, Hank Hill."

323. Is that you, Hank? You come back to dance on my grave?

324. No, sir, I don't feel much like dancing.

325. There's a town in crisis out there, and they need propane.

326. It ain't gonna happen.

327. Vickers screwed everything up. All our drivers quit.

328. A real propane man doesn't know the word "quit."

329. I don't know how they said it.

330. But them drivers ain't working here no more.

331. You and me can't drive them propane trucks

332. because we don't have HazMat licenses.

333. - It's all over. - No, it ain't.

334. You don't need any HazMat license to drive a tow truck.

335. Saved your life.

336. "Saved my life." Now I get it.

337. Look at me, I'm a kitty!