King of the Hill 2x12

Directed by Jeff Myers

Maurice LaMarche as Reverend Thomason (voice) • Debi Derryberry as Kid (voice) • Troy Aikman as Troy Aikman (voice) • Peabo Bryson as National Anthem Singer (voice)

After seeing that Luanne is depressed, Hank volunteers to buy her some hand puppets at a rummage sale. Luanne starts doing a Christian puppet show, The Manger Babies. Hank agrees to play God in the televised version of the puppet show. When it turns out that the show will be on at the same time as the Super Bowl, Hank has to choose between helping Luanne or watching the game.

Request examples:

!req King of the Hill 2x12 [02:32]
!req King of the Hill 2x12 [King of the Hill 2x12]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req King of the Hill 2x12 [10-11]; !req King of the Hill 2x12 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Uh, just my luck.

2. The Super Bowl party's in ten days

3. and my television goes on the disabled list.

4. Why don't we just get a new TV?

5. Well, I wish that was possible, son

6. but the terrible truth is

7. that America, the best country in the history of the world

8. no longer makes television sets.

9. If I let this one fall apart, I let a piece of America die.

10. Well, couldn't we just buy, like, a Japanese one?

11. Bobby, go to your room.

12. Luanne, telephone!

13. It's Buckley.

14. Hello, Buckley. What?

15. Uh, oh… Of course not.

16. We can go to the outlet stores next week.

17. It's not like they're having a sale or anything.

18. They have everyday low prices.

19. Why are people so mean, Aunt Peggy?

20. It's been 2,000 years since Jesus was born

21. but we're still acting like cavemen.

22. Oh, honey.

23. Peggy!

24. We're going shopping for the Super Bowl party

25. not your feminine items.

26. Diet soda?

27. Hank…

28. We have got a situation here.

29. Luanne has come down with a bad case of the why me's?

30. Come on. Just do something to cheer her up. Please?

31. Hey, uh, Luanne, me, and Bobby

32. are heading over to the Megalo Mart.

33. You want to go for a ride?

34. Is it okay if I don't feel like talking?

35. Sure. Why not?

36. Oh, it's not just Buckley.

37. It's everything.

38. The world's going to pieces.

39. I mean, look at any newspaper.

40. Aliens are getting autopsies

41. and devil babies are being born every day.

42. Well, that may be true, Luanne, but it's up to each of us

43. to make the world a better place.

44. Take me, for example.

45. I sell a clean-burning, energy-efficient fuel.

46. Oh! Do you think I could sell propane?

47. No.

48. What I'm saying is

49. you've got to find your own calling.

50. Yeah. You're probably right.

51. You're always probably right.

52. Garage sale.

53. This is it, one deflection coil made in the US Of A.

54. With this in our set,

55. the only thing beyond our control

56. is the size of the NFC victory.

57. Why don't we just watch the game at Mr. Dauterive's house?

58. I like it there.

59. He keeps snacks in his couch cushions.

60. No, Bobby.

61. The Super Bowl party goes, Bill, Hank, Dale, Boomhauer.

62. This is Hank year,

63. and I want everything to be perfect.

64. People are still talking about Super Bowl XXIV.

65. Boomhauer's dip was so thick

66. our chips were snapping like Joe Theismann's birdie leg.

67. Oh.

68. My name is Luanne.

69. What's yours?

70. "I'm Mr. Cat.

71. Meow to you do?"

72. You're pretty good with those.

73. I used to play with the puppets all the time

74. with the social worker.

75. Hey, uh… How much for the puppets?

76. You mean it?

77. Well, if it costs 25 cents

78. to make you smile, it's a bargain.

79. Look, Dad.

80. An old wig!

81. Bobby, take that off.

82. I'm not saying it was a miracle, Reverend Thomason,

83. but I don't usually trip into boxes.

84. I think God has a plan for me, and it involves puppets.

85. Luanne, I… I like the idea of a christian puppet show,

86. but try to see things from my perspective,

87. as the spiritual leader of this congregation.

88. We just laid new carpet in the activities room.

89. You put 30 kids in there and lose their attention

90. fruit punch all over my new carpet.

91. Oh, please. Just hear me out.

92. You know how baby Jesus was born in a manger?

93. Okay. Baby Jesus was born in a manger.

94. Now…

95. What if, Reverend…

96. What if the barnyard animals

97. who witnessed the miracle birth of the son of God

98. had a show of their own?

99. Mm-hmm.

100. But Jesus only spent a few days in the manger,

101. and after Luke 2:16,

102. there's no mention of the animals.

103. Are you sure?

104. Trust me, Luanne. After he leaves the manger,

105. the Bible pretty much sticks with Jesus.

106. Well, oh, maybe that's good.

107. Because then, the animals are kind of like us,

108. they're just waiting for Jesus to come back.

109. And in the meantime,

110. don't you think they'd have all sorts of crazy adventures?

111. I call it…

112. The Manger Babies.

113. We're headlining next week in the activities room.

114. Manger Babies.

115. How do you like that?

116. This is going to be a great show, Luanne.

117. I know. But now I've got so much work to do.

118. I have to write a script, build a puppet theater,

119. learn to talk without moving my lips.

120. If you want, you can make a theater

121. out of that old refrigerator box in the garage.

122. I keep it pretty clean.

123. Oh, Uncle Hank.

124. Thank you.

125. Hey, who said that?

126. You're doing a great job, Luanne.

127. Yup.

128. - Yup. - Mm-hmm.

129. Thanks, guys,

130. but if you have any suggestions…

131. For those of you who missed my sermon this morning,

132. I'd like to remind you that spilling anything on a new carpet

133. is a sin. Now…

134. Please give a warm welcome to Miss Luanne Patter.

135. Once upon a time, almost 2,000s of years ago

136. our lord and savior Jesus Christ was born

137. in a manger,

138. and in that manger lived the cutest little animals.

139. This is their story.

140. There's obadiah, the donkey.

141. He says, "eee-yaw!"

142. Hosea the cat, "meow, meow."

143. An octopus, too, "gurgle, gurgle."

144. But let's not forget a very British bird.

145. Sir Reginald Featherbottom III.

146. Charmed, I'm sure, guvnor.

147. Darn it. I left a finish nail

148. sticking out a quarter-inch.

149. Hank, shush!

150. Today's episode,

151. Going to the movies.

152. Who wants to go to the movies?

153. Eee-yaw!

154. I do. Eee-yaw!

155. Uh-oh.

156. There's five of us, and I only have four tickets.

157. One of us blokes could sneak in. What, what?

158. Count me-owt.

159. Isn't sneaking wrong?

160. Eee-yaw! Everybody's doing it. Eee-yaw!

161. Gurgle, gurgle.

162. Meow-kay. Let's go.

163. Yeah, but it reflects poorly on my craftsmanship.

164. That's all I'm saying.

165. Hank, you're the only one who notices.

166. Here you go.

167. Four tickets.

168. "But there are five of you!

169. You were trying to sneak into the movies!"

170. You Manger Babies are in a lot of trouble.

171. I'm locking you in a closet.

172. No! No!

173. And that's why you shouldn't sneak into the movies.

174. The end.

175. The end. The end?

176. - Mmm… - But, well…

177. Well, do they get out of the closet?

178. Um… Sure. I guess.

179. How?

180. How do they get out?

181. Um…

182. I'm bored.

183. I don't understand.

184. Okay, Luanne.

185. How do they get out of the closet?

186. No.

187. That won't work.

188. Jimmy, the lock with a coat hanger.

189. What? I don't… I can't… Huh? What?

190. Jimmy the lock with a…

191. Uh, I'll save you, Manger Babies.

192. You will?

193. Yes, 'cause I'm the assistant manager

194. of this movie theater.

195. I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories,

196. and you are fired.

197. We're free! We're free!

198. I knew it.

199. Thank you, assistant manager.

200. Meow can we ever repay you?

201. By never forgetting this lesson,

202. sneaking into the movies is wrong,

203. as wrong as spilling juice on a new carpet.

204. Bravo! Bravo!

205. You know, Luanne really shouldn't waste

206. this kind of talent on church.

207. If you want, I could show her tape to my boss at channel 84.

208. He's always looking for quality children's programming

209. and home videos of things blowing up.

210. Well, Luanne really could use a boost right now,

211. but I could not take advantage of our friendship like that, no.

212. Oh, Peggy, honey, this is show business.

213. That's what friends do.

214. Done. All right, Bobby. It's safe to plug her back in now.

215. Uh… Oh, okay.

216. Another Super Bowl

217. another can of Scotchguard.

218. It would be a whole lot simpler

219. if you would just ask Bill

220. not to wipe his hands on the cushions.

221. I got a better idea.

222. You sit here.

223. Boomhauer, Dale, me, and Bobby will sit here.

224. We'll do a zone defense around the chips.

225. But what if Bill tries scrambling around the coffee table?

226. He doesn't have that kind of quickness, Peggy.

227. Not anymore.

228. Uh, Aunt Peggy?

229. Could you please pull your car out of the garage?

230. Me and the babies need to rehearse.

231. The TV station could call any minute.

232. They'd be crazy not to.

233. That was the best dang Christian puppet show

234. I have ever seen. Ever.

235. Well, I couldn't have done it without your help, Uncle Hank.

236. You saved the day.

237. That's why this time,

238. I wrote a part especially for you.

239. Well, that's very nice, Luanne,

240. but my appearance was one night only.

241. But you got to do it.

242. Well… Who else am I going to get to play God?

243. God?

244. Sure.

245. You were great as the hero of my last show,

246. so I figured

247. why not have you play the greatest hero of them all?

248. Tell you what, Luanne.

249. Uh, just as soon as I finish turning beer into water,

250. I'll meet you in the garage.

251. Great!

252. Huh. She made me God.

253. Hey. If you're God, I guess that makes me Jesus.

254. Bobby, honey.

255. You really shouldn't say that.

256. That is for Luanne to decide.

257. Let there be light,

258. and it was good.

259. Yeah, that's super, Uncle Hank, but could we get back to the script?

260. We're at the part where you meet your archenemy.

261. Bobby's GI Joe?

262. Joe six-pack.

263. He's a drunk driver who died in a car crash

264. and was sent to hell!

265. And then he borrowed Satan's pickup truck without asking

266. and trashed it, so he got kicked out of hell.

267. And now he roams the earth riding buses and doing evil,

268. like he won't call on your birthday,

269. and he throws beer bottles at your head.

270. What? He crashed a truck?

271. You will feel my wrath.

272. What you throwing out, Grandpa?

273. The money I poured into the Social Security System?

274. It's for Luanne's Puppet show.

275. I'm playing God.

276. Well, maybe we ought to ask God

277. who's going to win the Super Bowl.

278. Going to win?

279. The game was pre-taped six months ago

280. in the same Nevada hangar

281. where they faked the moon landing.

282. Yeah, man. It's like that dang old Capricorn One, man.

283. A good movie, but you know, they ain't gonna fake no

284. staying on the ground like that, little dude,

285. that ol' Neil Armstrong.

286. Well, I hope you're ready for that party, Hank.

287. 'Cause you only got

288. four more days till the Super Bowl.

289. Bill, the Super Bowl is in three days.

290. Aw, damn.

291. God's not angry on that line.

292. He's vengeful.

293. Let's try it again.

294. Luanne?

295. It's the TV station.

296. Hello. Mm-hm.

297. Oh, Hank. Look how excited she is.

298. You know, just a few days ago,

299. she was talking like… like the world was coming to an end.

300. You're a good man.

301. Man?

302. We did it! We did it!

303. Channel 84 is putting "Manger Babies" on the air!

304. It's UHF, Uncle Hank, ultra-high frequency.

305. Oh, Luanne!

306. You have thrust your hands

307. into something wonderful this time!

308. We'd better get back to work.

309. We've got a whole hour to fill Sunday.

310. Well, that doesn't give us much time to get ready.

311. I mean, Sunday is… Sunday?

312. Now, is that before or after the Super Bowl?

313. During! Can you believe it?

314. They put us on against the highest-rated TV event of the year

315. 'cause they know we're the one show that can beat it.

316. It's a huge responsibility, but I know I can do it

317. with God on my side.

318. Uncle Hank, I just realized

319. my octopus only has six legs.

320. Hmm… If I call him sextapus

321. do you think I'll offend sensibilities?

322. Uh, I'm sure you'll figure it out

323. before super Sunday.

324. I call it super Sunday

325. because that's when they play The Super Bowl… This Sunday.

326. Mm-hmm.

327. I guess what I'm trying to say is

328. I'm going to stay home and watch the game.

329. What? But you're in my show.

330. Luanne, the Super Bowl is an event.

331. We're having a party.

332. I'm the host.

333. So, you mean

334. you're not coming?

335. Uh, no, that's not what I said exactly.

336. I said I'm going to watch the game, but it could end early

337. due to injuries or, uh, a terrorist attack.

338. Yeah. Who knows?

339. Don't you think I want to miss the Super Bowl?

340. No, sir. I've got enough money on this game

341. to cover the bath, I took on the Dinah Shore Classic,

342. but I will sit through that puppet show

343. because Luanne asked me to.

344. Uh, come on. I'll be God some other time,

345. like, uh, Easter.

346. That's during baseball season.

347. Who cares?

348. Hank, Luanne believes in you.

349. How can you allow suffering in her world

350. when you have the power to prevent it?

351. Suffering is a part of every religion, Peggy.

352. I mean, look at what the Jews have been through,

353. and you never hear them complaining.

354. Okay. Who had three minutes and 40 seconds?

355. Yo.

356. Well, goodbye, Hank.

357. Enjoy the selfish bowl.

358. Uh, Luanne, I want you to know,

359. if Uncle Hank lets you down…

360. Honey, it doesn't mean that the world is a bad place.

361. Oh, yes, it does.

362. Mmm.

363. Check it out!

364. Whoo-ee!

365. Made it to the commercial.

366. What the hell do Tina Turner's legs

367. have to do with auto insurance?

368. Whoa!

369. This just in from the Super Bowl:

370. With 48 seconds left in the first quarter,

371. it's 63 degrees and partly cloudy.

372. Now stay tuned for the premiere

373. of Luanne Platter's Manger Babies.

374. What are you doing, Hank?

375. If I wanted to spend Super Bowl Sunday

376. staring at my wife,

377. I would've married Fran Tarkenton.

378. I didn't do anything.

379. Lord Jesus, please…

380. Ooh, Uncle…

381. Oh.

382. Okay, Luanne, you're on in five, four, three

383. two…

384. Hey, look at that!

385. He's broken free!

386. - Yeah! - Go, go, go!

387. Keep going

388. Come on, man, turn it back.

389. I didn't change it!

390. Oh, damn, we missed it!

391. Well…

392. At least we get to watch him dance in the end zone.

393. D That's right, come on, uh-huh, uh-huh d.

394. - Okay, Manger Babies… - Oh, come on!

395. - Switch it back. - Hey, man! Come on, man.

396. - What the hell is this? - What is this we're watching?

397. Come on, Manger Babies, I'll give you a ride.

398. We don't need it.

399. God is the designated driver tonight.

400. God doesn't care about you.

401. How can you say that?

402. God does care and he will show it.

403. This is getting old, Hank.

404. It's not me!

405. Uh. It's this darn remote control.

406. Bill must have dripped crumbs in it or something.

407. Maybe God had a flat tire or…

408. What the hell is going on?

409. All I know is this is the part of the movie

410. where I start thinking

411. why don't they just get out of the house?

412. Don't be an idiot, Luanne.

413. God's not coming.

414. He's watching The Super Bowl.

415. Now, get in.

416. Eee-yaw! We better do what he says.

417. Eee-yaw!

418. Well, he is our only ride.

419. Luanne, no!

420. Don't get in the car!

421. Eee-yaw!

422. If God doesn't get here soon, we're all going to die!

423. Maybe it's best that we do die.

424. Who wants to live in a world without God?

425. You're right.

426. Hey, Joe six-pack, why don't you

427. just point your car at those oncoming headlights,

428. and let's get this thing over with.

429. Oh, my God!

430. Yes, I have come.

431. Oh, thank you, Uncle… Lord.

432. We never stopped believing in you.

433. The Manger Babies' faith has been rewarded.

434. You are all saved.

435. Yay!

436. And as for you, Joe six-pack,

437. anyone who drinks and drives is a real jackass.

438. Eee-yaw! Hey!

439. Oh…

440. So, Hank, how does it feel

441. doing the right thing?

442. Pretty good, I guess.

443. Of course, not as good as getting to watch

444. the end of The Super Bowl.

445. Ah, the Super Bowl's always a blowout,

446. this puppet show, it was a real knuckle-biter.

447. Oh, my lord, it's Troy Aikman!

448. What are you doing here, son… Sir?

449. Well, it's kind of a funny story.

450. Some guys were snapping towels in the locker room,

451. so I went to Bible study to get some perspective on it,

452. and I saw a flyer for this puppet show.

453. Sort of a little miracle, I… I guess.

454. You know, it was kind of a miracle

455. that brought me here, too.

456. You see, I was watching my TV

457. and it started flipping channels.

458. Mom, I hope you don't mind but I borrowed the batteries

459. from your remote control.

460. What remote control?

461. I… I don't have a remote control.

462. Sure, you do in your purse.

463. The universal remote that can change

464. the channel on any brand of television?

465. I borrowed the batteries

466. - for my game boy. - When?

467. Before the Super Bowl.

468. But if the remote had no batteries,

469. how did I…?

470. Or after The Super Bowl.

471. I don't remember.