1. Yeah. That was good.Copy !req
2. Ooh!Copy !req
3. That's what I like about wrestling.Copy !req
4. There aren't any rules.Copy !req
5. You can do anything to a guy,Copy !req
6. jump on him, stick him with a pin.Copy !req
7. The only limit is your imagination.Copy !req
8. Don't they have
any girl wrestlers in this game?Copy !req
9. No. But some of the older ones
have breasts.Copy !req
10. Connie, that was your mother
on the phone.Copy !req
11. She wants to make sure
you were doing homework.Copy !req
12. Am I in trouble?Copy !req
13. I don't think so.Copy !req
14. I told her you were busyCopy !req
15. wrestling with some word problems.Copy !req
16. Oh, Peggy…Copy !req
17. Thanks, Mrs. Hill.Copy !req
18. I guess I better start my math homework.Copy !req
19. Oh! That's got to hurt!Copy !req
20. Thanks.Copy !req
21. This is Hill.Copy !req
22. Dust off your gym skirt, Peggy.Copy !req
23. We need a sub for girls' sports.Copy !req
24. - Location?
- Tom Landry Middle School.Copy !req
25. - Duration?
- Indefinite.Copy !req
26. Did the previous instructor
leave a lesson planCopy !req
27. calendar, notes on a post-it?Copy !req
28. Well, that's sort of
a funny story, actually.Copy !req
29. See, there is no previous girls' coach.Copy !req
30. We sort of forgot to hire one.Copy !req
31. So, where are you
stationed today, soldier?Copy !req
32. Fort mathematics?Copy !req
33. Today I'm teaching gym.Copy !req
34. Whoa, now, that's serious, Peggy.Copy !req
35. Gym is where a boy learns teamworkCopy !req
36. and the importance of winning.Copy !req
37. Actually, I'm teaching girls' gym.Copy !req
38. Oh. Oh, good luck to you.Copy !req
39. Do I have a clean shirt?Copy !req
40. Why choose basketball?Copy !req
41. Well, for one thing,Copy !req
42. it's the only sport
where you get to bounce a ball.Copy !req
43. You bounce a football…Copy !req
44. Well, that's a fumble, isn't it?Copy !req
45. Baseball… no bouncing at all.Copy !req
46. Bounce a ball in hockey…Copy !req
47. That's a mandatory drug test right there.Copy !req
48. So, join the basketball team.Copy !req
49. Thank you.Copy !req
50. Cool.Copy !req
51. A little staged,
but it's still pretty good.Copy !req
52. Gentlemen, I'm not going
to try to win you overCopy !req
53. with a lot of fancy talk about bouncing.Copy !req
54. I just want you to know one thing,Copy !req
55. every kid who shows up to wrestleCopy !req
56. will earn a place on the team
and the right to wear this.Copy !req
57. Wow! Silver piping.Copy !req
58. Good morning, class.Copy !req
59. I am Mrs. Peggy HillCopy !req
60. or Coach Hill.Copy !req
61. Now, we are offering you girls
a special program which combinesCopy !req
62. the thrills of wrestling
with the skills of basketballCopy !req
63. in something we call, general sports.Copy !req
64. Alright. Listen up!Copy !req
65. Go on.Copy !req
66. I want to start
by showing you a basic moveCopy !req
67. and I need a volunteer.Copy !req
68. You there,Copy !req
69. just come at me.Copy !req
70. That's called a center-step,
single-leg attack.Copy !req
71. - Ow.
- Now what are you going to do, huh?Copy !req
72. Now what, big man?Copy !req
73. You going to dump me, huh?Copy !req
74. You going to pin me?Copy !req
75. This'll teach you to pull a knife on me!Copy !req
76. Hard to stab a guyCopy !req
77. when you're hopping around all day,
huh, Hoppy?Copy !req
78. Huh? What?Copy !req
79. All right. Good job.Copy !req
80. I hear Eddie TuckerCopy !req
81. started patching his driveway.Copy !req
82. Yep.Copy !req
83. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
84. Where'd he get his asphalt?Copy !req
85. Johnson's.Copy !req
86. Dad! Dad, guess what?Copy !req
87. I joined a team!Copy !req
88. A sports team?Copy !req
89. Uh-huh! Wrestling!Copy !req
90. It's the best sport ever, dad!Copy !req
91. There's no running!Copy !req
92. Way to go, boy!Copy !req
93. Wrestling's a darn fine sport.Copy !req
94. Heck, it's an Olympic sport.Copy !req
95. And this is offered
through the school, right?Copy !req
96. Not some guy in a van with a camcorder?Copy !req
97. It's the real thing.Copy !req
98. I'm in a very advanced weight class.Copy !req
99. You hear that, guys?Copy !req
100. Bobby made a school team today
without me even being the coach.Copy !req
101. Congratulations, Hank.Copy !req
102. Whoo!Copy !req
103. What are you here for?Copy !req
104. Well, dooley,Copy !req
105. a pre-teen girl
is like a skinny little treeCopy !req
106. about to enter
the hurricane of adolescence.Copy !req
107. And if we don't protect
and nurture this little treeCopy !req
108. before you know it,
she'll be bitter and pregnant.Copy !req
109. For that reasonCopy !req
110. I am asking the principalCopy !req
111. for new basketballs for the girls.Copy !req
112. I peed in some kid's locker.Copy !req
113. Girls' sports are a joke.Copy !req
114. Yeah, if I just jim-jangle
my schedule a bit,Copy !req
115. I think I can make it
to all of Bobby's practices.Copy !req
116. What a great time
in a boy's father's life.Copy !req
117. Hank, what if Bobby was a girl?Copy !req
118. Well, that's just it, Peggy.Copy !req
119. I don't think we have to worry
about that anymore.Copy !req
120. Do you know what that principal saidCopy !req
121. when I asked for more
basketballs for the girls?Copy !req
122. He said that the money was earmarkedCopy !req
123. to put holograms on ticketsCopy !req
124. to the football games.Copy !req
125. Holograms prevent ticket fraud, Peggy.Copy !req
126. There's a lot of sick people out there.Copy !req
127. Well, it's just not fair.Copy !req
128. It's like nothing has changed
since I was a kid.Copy !req
129. Can you run as well as you can hit?Copy !req
130. Yes, sir. I sure can.Copy !req
131. Then run over to the store thenCopy !req
132. and get these boys some soda pop.Copy !req
133. That a girl.Copy !req
134. Yeah, boys love soda pop.Copy !req
135. We got to remember to bring someCopy !req
136. to Bobby's practice.Copy !req
137. Looking good, son.Copy !req
138. You too, dad.Copy !req
139. Uh, I wanted to give you this
before practice.Copy !req
140. You know, you might not be here
if it weren't for this cup.Copy !req
141. It's made from the finest American steelCopy !req
142. ever to come out of Pittsburgh, P-A.Copy !req
143. This used to be mineCopy !req
144. and before that,
it was your grandfather's.Copy !req
145. There's holes in it.Copy !req
146. How am I supposed to drink out of this?Copy !req
147. Bobby, it's not for…Copy !req
148. Gotcha!Copy !req
149. Rhythm, girls!Copy !req
150. First you blow, then you throw.Copy !req
151. Good spirit, Hill.Copy !req
152. Can I have some Gatorade now?Copy !req
153. Sure, kid, you're sweating plenty.Copy !req
154. Hey, Connie, how's it going?Copy !req
155. Not so good.Copy !req
156. I just found outCopy !req
157. we're not getting uniforms.Copy !req
158. You're better off.Copy !req
159. We have home uniforms, away uniforms…Copy !req
160. It's so confusing.Copy !req
161. Uh-huh. Did you learn the pile driver yet?Copy !req
162. That's not really a wrestling move.Copy !req
163. Real wrestling is about holds.Copy !req
164. You got your headlocks,
your leg locks, your belly locks.Copy !req
165. If you got it, we'll lock it.Copy !req
166. Here, I'll show you.Copy !req
167. Cool.Copy !req
168. There's no way out.Copy !req
169. Try.Copy !req
170. Ugh. You mean, like that?Copy !req
171. No. You didn't use real wrestling.Copy !req
172. If you use wrestling,
it's impossible to get out.Copy !req
173. But good try.Copy !req
174. Hill, Doug here needs
some extra room to scrimmageCopy !req
175. so can you run a posture drill
or something?Copy !req
176. Get the girls against the wall?Copy !req
177. No. I'm afraid I cannot.Copy !req
178. I am teaching general sports hereCopy !req
179. and I need a general area.Copy !req
180. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
181. General sports was something
Doug here came up with.Copy !req
182. It's like home economics.Copy !req
183. Sort of a code word for busywork.Copy !req
184. But the one thing general sports
was not meant to do,Copy !req
185. and Doug can back me up on thisCopy !req
186. is take up space.Copy !req
187. Okay, then, I'm expanding my needs.Copy !req
188. General sports is now total sportsCopy !req
189. and I need the whole gym
and all the equipmentCopy !req
190. and Doug can back me up on that.Copy !req
191. It's over, Mrs. Hill.Copy !req
192. Maybe sports wasn't such a good idea.Copy !req
193. Maybe I should do yearbook insteadCopy !req
194. or chess club.Copy !req
195. Connie, don't you say that.Copy !req
196. Yearbook is a shameful,
squalid waste of time.Copy !req
197. Now, you just tell me
what sport you want to playCopy !req
198. and I will make sure you play it.Copy !req
199. What if it's not a girls' sport?Copy !req
200. Oh, pooh! Honey, there is no such thingCopy !req
201. as boys' sports or girls' sports.
They're just sports.Copy !req
202. Then I want to wrestle.Copy !req
203. Well, then, we will show those coachesCopy !req
204. there's nothing a boy can do
that a girl can't.Copy !req
205. Go ahead, punch it!Copy !req
206. Look at that, pig-in-a-blanket.Copy !req
207. And my Bobby's the chef, not the wienie.Copy !req
208. All right, ladies, hit the showers.Copy !req
209. And no Oklahoma car washes neither.Copy !req
210. Get your hair wet.Copy !req
211. What are you doing here?Copy !req
212. Shouldn't you be teaching
the girls about their monthlies?Copy !req
213. Uh, no. Not today, coach.Copy !req
214. Today, I'm teaching a lesson in fairness.Copy !req
215. I have someone hereCopy !req
216. who would like to join the wrestling team.Copy !req
217. And her name is Kahn
Souphanousinphone, Jr.Copy !req
218. Does she speak the English language?Copy !req
219. Well, of course, she speaks English.Copy !req
220. Well, then, tell her
wrestling's a boy's sportCopy !req
221. and that's final.Copy !req
222. Oh-oh-oh, no, it's not.Copy !req
223. Title nine of the civil rights actCopy !req
224. clearly prohibits sex discrimination
in public schoolsCopy !req
225. and guarantees
equal athletic opportunitiesCopy !req
226. for all boys and girls.Copy !req
227. Yeah, well, Roe V. WadeCopy !req
228. doesn't apply to my wrestling team.Copy !req
229. Oh, I think you'll find it does apply.Copy !req
230. Come on, Connie.Copy !req
231. Mrs. Hill, isn't Roe V. Wade…Copy !req
232. Yeah, I know, dearCopy !req
233. but you have to pick your battles.Copy !req
234. It was nice of you to come by Peggy Hill.Copy !req
235. And you can stay until you finishCopy !req
236. your zinfandel.Copy !req
237. But wrestling is a boy's sport.Copy !req
238. Connie might get hurt.Copy !req
239. Oh, boys are given the opportunity
to get hurt all the time.Copy !req
240. Connie deserves the same chance.Copy !req
241. If Connie going to get a workoutCopy !req
242. it should be up here.Copy !req
243. Build mental toughnessCopy !req
244. to get into good college.Copy !req
245. Hire former wrestlers
to pave her driveway.Copy !req
246. Dad, maybe being on the wrestling teamCopy !req
247. can help me get into Harvard.Copy !req
248. Remember how disappointed you wereCopy !req
249. with my application essay?Copy !req
250. You said my first draft
lacked life experience.Copy !req
251. She right.Copy !req
252. Connie play violin, sculpt with metalCopy !req
253. and speak three languages,
but what set her apart?Copy !req
254. I thought being smart person in Texas
set her apart.Copy !req
255. Maybe that not enough.Copy !req
256. I'm sure that wrestlingCopy !req
257. will have a wonderful effect on Connie.Copy !req
258. Why, ever since my Bobby joined the teamCopy !req
259. I've seen marked improvementsCopy !req
260. in his social skills and in his balance.Copy !req
261. Wait a minute.Copy !req
262. - Bobby Hill is your son?
- Very good.Copy !req
263. You follow trail of clues
that start with same last name.Copy !req
264. Where you find this guy, Scotland yard?Copy !req
265. Now, Mr. Song-thong-is-sin-phoneCopy !req
266. I'm, I'm sure there's a
simple solution to all of this.Copy !req
267. Perhaps you could persuade
your lovely little galCopy !req
268. to take gymnastics.Copy !req
269. Asian girls usually excel at gymnastics.Copy !req
270. I mean, with their tiny feetCopy !req
271. a balance beam seems as wide
as a sidewalk.Copy !req
272. Kahn Jr., you want to take gymnastics?Copy !req
273. Gymnastics blows.Copy !req
274. You heard her.Copy !req
275. If my girl doesn't wrestle,Copy !req
276. I'll show you who put the sueCopy !req
277. in Souphanousinphone.Copy !req
278. Cherry is strictly
an after-wrestling GatoradeCopy !req
279. but lemon-lime is good anytime.Copy !req
280. All right, Tinkerbells, listen up.Copy !req
281. We got a situation here.Copy !req
282. The girls' gym sub
has got a bee in her bonnetCopy !req
283. about co-eding our team.Copy !req
284. Long story short, we got a gal on deck.Copy !req
285. I know, I know,
but there's nothing we can do.Copy !req
286. It all goes back to title nine,
Dick Nixon's biggest mistake.Copy !req
287. Now, I know I told youCopy !req
288. there's a place on this team
for all comers, but now…Copy !req
289. I'm not so sure everybody's
going to make the team.Copy !req
290. Hey, Bobby, did you hear?Copy !req
291. Your mom is going to get me
on the wrestling team.Copy !req
292. Now, we can hang out all afternoonCopy !req
293. and my mom won't care
'cause it's practice.Copy !req
294. I can't remember my combination
when you're talking.Copy !req
295. Okay.Copy !req
296. This could take a while.Copy !req
297. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
298. Mom made the coach take
Connie on the wrestling teamCopy !req
299. and now he's out to get me.Copy !req
300. Oh, no.Copy !req
301. We were so close.Copy !req
302. It's all well and good to talk
about equal rightsCopy !req
303. until some man loses his job.Copy !req
304. How's that equal?Copy !req
305. Yeah, and it's worse
when they take away our favorsCopy !req
306. 'cause we're used to getting them.Copy !req
307. Now, hold on, Hank.Copy !req
308. I'm all for ladies wrestlingCopy !req
309. except when they do it in pudding.Copy !req
310. That's just demeaningCopy !req
311. to the human beings who make pudding.Copy !req
312. Ever since they had thatCopy !req
313. big women's conference in BeijingCopy !req
314. coed sports has been
the number two priorityCopy !req
315. on the international feminine agenda.Copy !req
316. You want to know
what the number one priority is?Copy !req
317. Please, not right now, Dale.Copy !req
318. Coed bathrooms.Copy !req
319. It'll be a cold day in hellCopy !req
320. before we institute that
in the Gribble home.Copy !req
321. Bobby was on the verge
of getting a nickname.Copy !req
322. I thought you were keeping busyCopy !req
323. teaching girls how to blow up basketballs.Copy !req
324. When did this turn into a desireCopy !req
325. to ruin wrestling?Copy !req
326. Oh, give me a break.Copy !req
327. I don't see why having a girl on
the team would ruin it.Copy !req
328. Did a woman judge ruin
the supreme court, huh?Copy !req
329. Yes. And that woman's
name was Earl Warren.Copy !req
330. Take a seat, debutantes.Copy !req
331. I got an announcement.Copy !req
332. Because of unprecedented interestCopy !req
333. in wrestling this yearCopy !req
334. I've decided to hold tryouts on Friday.Copy !req
335. Instead of a guaranteed spot on the teamCopy !req
336. this year, it will be based on ability.Copy !req
337. I know it isn't fairCopy !req
338. but apparently that's whatCopy !req
339. some people like to call progress.Copy !req
340. First match.Copy !req
341. Keyser versus Gutierrez,Copy !req
342. Fino versus McJimsey,Copy !req
343. Souphanousinphone versus Hill.Copy !req
344. You got her into this, Peggy Hill.Copy !req
345. You can't abandon Connie now.
She need help.Copy !req
346. She need training.Copy !req
347. Oh, I want to, Minh. I feel responsible.Copy !req
348. Connie is picking up the softball batCopy !req
349. that was ripped out of my hands as a girlCopy !req
350. by that little man from the little league.Copy !req
351. But then Bobby… Bobby's my only son.Copy !req
352. - I don't, I don't know if I could choose.
- Choose Connie.Copy !req
353. - But Bobby's my only…
- That not my problem. Choose Connie.Copy !req
354. Oh, what do I do?Copy !req
355. What do I do?Copy !req
356. Choose Connie.Copy !req
357. Choose Connie.Copy !req
358. Okay, we try outside the ankle breakdown.Copy !req
359. Luanne, try to stop me.Copy !req
360. Connie, you got the full color pen?
You take good note this time.Copy !req
361. Bill, for crying out loud.Copy !req
362. I was listening.Copy !req
363. Wrestling a girl.Copy !req
364. That's a tough one, Bobby.Copy !req
365. If you win, you get the shame
of having beat up a girl.Copy !req
366. If you lose, you just
better hope she snaps your neck.Copy !req
367. That's the quickest way.Copy !req
368. Yeah, man.Copy !req
369. Dang, dang if you do,
dang if you don't, man. Danged ol'.Copy !req
370. Dad, what am I going to do?Copy !req
371. I'm danged here.Copy !req
372. I'm royally danged.Copy !req
373. Now, the key to wrestling
is the ability to explode.Copy !req
374. The way I figure itCopy !req
375. if you can explode your way
out of underneathCopy !req
376. a piece of wet carpetCopy !req
377. you can beat any 12-year-old
in the county.Copy !req
378. All right, here we go.Copy !req
379. One, two, three.Copy !req
380. Explode.Copy !req
381. Explode, boy.Copy !req
382. Come on, Bobby, light the fuse.Copy !req
383. You're a keg of dynamite.Copy !req
384. That's it, boy.
You got him where you want him.Copy !req
385. Time to really explode.Copy !req
386. Keg of dynamite.Copy !req
387. Hey, Hill, a bunch of us decidedCopy !req
388. that if you don't beat that girl tomorrowCopy !req
389. we don't know what we'll do.Copy !req
390. So you better beat her.Copy !req
391. Guys, there's no way I can lose.Copy !req
392. I'm in the best shape of my life.Copy !req
393. Hey, there she is.Copy !req
394. Watch this.Copy !req
395. How are you doing, Connie?Copy !req
396. Can we please just forget
I ever said anythingCopy !req
397. about this stupid wrestling thing?Copy !req
398. What?Copy !req
399. No! I go out on a giant
limb for you, Kahn Jr.!Copy !req
400. You lose, you no longer my son!Copy !req
401. Why don't you edit the yearbook, Peggy?Copy !req
402. You're so good
with paste and scissors, Peggy.Copy !req
403. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
404. Your arms are so strong.Copy !req
405. Why don't you stir-punch at the prom?Copy !req
406. Luanne!Copy !req
407. Quarters!Copy !req
408. I'm sorry, little Jeffrey.Copy !req
409. That's Bobby.Copy !req
410. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
411. I wanted to call him JeffreyCopy !req
412. but some man wouldn't let me.Copy !req
413. You mean Uncle Hank?Copy !req
414. Huh?Copy !req
415. Remember
take old playmate down hard and fast.Copy !req
416. Mom capture everything on video cameraCopy !req
417. include it in Harvard application.Copy !req
418. Dad, I'm not even in high school yet.Copy !req
419. And you never get there
with that attitude!Copy !req
420. You're next, Hill.Copy !req
421. I just wish your mom was here to see you.Copy !req
422. She wanted to be here,
but she had to sleep in.Copy !req
423. Son, I know everyone's
been filling your headCopy !req
424. with crazy stuffCopy !req
425. but I just want you to know this…Copy !req
426. Connie killed your frog.Copy !req
427. Atta boy, Bobby.Copy !req
428. Way to go, Kahn Jr.Copy !req
429. Ooh! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
430. What the heck is going on here?Copy !req
431. That's not Olympic-style wrestling.Copy !req
432. Nope. That's real wrestling.Copy !req
433. I want to go to a party school.Copy !req
434. Yeah! Chico state!Copy !req
435. Hee-yah!Copy !req
436. She zombified him.Copy !req
437. Snap out of it, Bobby.Copy !req
438. D-oh! That's got to hurt.Copy !req
439. Think they've had enough?Copy !req
440. Not yet.Copy !req
441. My eyes!Copy !req
442. Connie, no mercy!Copy !req
443. Finish him!Copy !req
444. Hee-yah!Copy !req
445. Why are you smiling?Copy !req
446. Oh, did Bobby crush
that poor girl and her dreams?Copy !req
447. Nope.Copy !req
448. So that little witch whooped my boy?Copy !req
449. No. They figured a way out.Copy !req
450. Listen to the cheers, Peggy.Copy !req
451. I think they both won.Copy !req
452. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
453. Ow.Copy !req
454. Look at him explode.Copy !req
455. That's my boy.Copy !req
456. That's our boy.Copy !req
457. That's our Jeffrey.Copy !req
458. Oh! That's got to hurt.Copy !req