1. Hey, look at that.
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2. Well, I guess we're finally
getting some new neighbors.
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3. I tell you if that boy handles a football
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4. half as good as he handles
a cardboard box,
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5. Arlen's high got herself a new tight end.
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6. You think the dad's a good bowler?
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7. He looks like a good bowler.
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8. Maybe he needs a…
you know, fella to bowl with.
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9. Notice how he lifts with his legs.
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10. I think they're going to fit in just fine.
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11. Howdy, fellas.
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12. What brings you to Arlen?
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13. Well, uh…
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14. This family hired us to move their stuff.
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15. Well, I'll be darned.
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16. They look Japanese.
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17. Nope. I think they're Chinese.
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18. How can you tell?
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19. Japanese guys usually have glasses
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20. and a suit and a tie and stuff like that.
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21. Uh-huh.
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22. Well, a neighbor's a neighbor.
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23. Let's go over and say hi.
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24. You reckon they even speak English?
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25. Yeah, man, them Chinese, man
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26. you can't understand dang
ol' word they say, man.
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27. Try to listen… All upside-down whatnot.
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28. Hi there.
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29. I'm Hank Hill.
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30. I live next door,
which means I'm your neighbor
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31. and you're my friend.
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32. I think you'll find
we have a great little community here.
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33. What do you think of it so far?
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34. I am Kahn Souphanousinphone.
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35. So that's pronounced "Kahn," right?
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36. Nice to meet you.
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37. What the heck are you trying to do?
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38. So, are you Chinese or Japanese?
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39. I live in California last 20 years
but first come from Laos.
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40. Huh?
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41. Laos.
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42. We Laotian.
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43. The ocean?
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44. What ocean?
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45. We are Laotian!
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46. From Laos, stupid!
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47. It's a landlocked country
in Southeast Asia.
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48. It's between Vietnam and Thailand, okay?
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49. 4.7 million.
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50. So, are you Chinese or Japanese?
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51. D-aw…
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52. This is so very exciting.
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53. It's like we get to travel to the orient
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54. without having to worry about diarrhea
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55. or being jailed for our
pro-democracy beliefs.
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56. You know, at the Beauty Academy
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57. they teach us that people
aren't black or white
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58. or yellow or red, but their hair can be.
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59. I'm going to invite
our new neighbors to dinner.
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60. We can't expect them to break the ice.
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61. These people are by nature
shy and reserved.
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62. I read somewhere that the Chinese language
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63. has 70 words for "Rice,"
but no word for "Friend."
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64. "Howdy, you all…"
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65. Howdy, howdy, howdy.
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66. Can you believe this crap?
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67. You want to live in this country,
learn to speak English!
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68. I'm not going.
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69. But you promised.
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70. Why go? I could stay home
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71. order a bucket of chicken and
watch hee haw.
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72. Same thing.
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73. Kahn, please.
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74. For once, try not to piss off neighbor.
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75. We kicked out of Laos.
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76. We kicked out of Anaheim.
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77. I'm tired of running.
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78. Hello, Kahn.
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79. Hank.
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80. Oh, darn it… Darn…
You have darn fine house.
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81. Lead-free since 1988.
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82. This is my wife, Minh,
and daughter Kahn Jr.
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83. And this is Peggy Hill.
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84. On behalf of Arlen, Texas,
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85. I would like to welcome you
to our country.
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86. Now, please make yourselves at home
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87. and take off your shoes.
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88. Why?
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89. You just shampoo carpet?
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90. Come on, Bobby, Have some seconds.
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91. The girl's lapping you.
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92. I've never had beef chop suey before.
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93. Really?
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94. Oh, you poor dear.
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95. You know, I read somewhere
that in certain parts of China
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96. meat is as scarce as toilet paper.
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97. Oh, where you read that?
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98. Who can remember?
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99. As a substitute teacher,
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100. I have to review all sorts
of learning materials.
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101. Maybe it was on a placemat.
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102. So you're a teacher.
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103. Ah, maybe you can tell me why
Arlen test scores are so low.
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104. I know why.
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105. It's because Kahn Jr. not there
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106. to bring up average.
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107. You know, my boy here might not be
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108. the best test-taker
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109. but he's got near-perfect attendance.
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110. Tell them, Bobby.
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111. I hope you all saved some room,
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112. for my famous apple brown betty.
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113. The recipe is a closely guarded
family secret.
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114. Passed on from my mother's mother
to my mother, to me, and someday
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115. I will give it to my Bobby.
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116. Well, at least the brown betty was good.
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117. You must give me recipe.
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118. Oh, Minh, you know I can't do that.
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119. But what I can do is offer you some
leftovers.
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120. Here. Now, just reheat this
for ten minutes…
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121. I have already said way too much.
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122. Well, y'all come back now, you hear?
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123. That's Texan for Sayonara.
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124. Oh, my!
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125. Peggy Hill, what big feet you have!
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126. Like boat!
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127. Well, that's just the way God made me.
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128. Hey, look at me.
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129. I'm like little girl in mama's shoes.
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130. Okay, bye-bye now, bye-bye.
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131. Now, honey,
she didn't mean anything by it.
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132. You do not come into a woman's home
and insult her feet.
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133. You just don't.
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134. Aw, come on, Peg.
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135. Remember when you first moved here
from Montana?
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136. You called pop "Sodee-pop"
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137. and you thought 93 in the shade was hot.
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138. Our new neighbors are just like you.
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139. All they need is a little bit of time.
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140. And Hank Hill to watch out for them.
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141. Well, do you think my feet are too big?
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142. Naw.
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143. There's just more of you to love.
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144. Ow.
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145. Uh… Sorry.
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146. Be careful, Bobby.
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147. That's one of them Chinese fighting dogs.
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148. No, it's a West Highland terrier.
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149. Yeah, that's it.
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150. So what's his name?
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151. Doggie.
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152. Yes, Kahn Jr., he's a doggie.
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153. Can you tell me his name?
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154. He's called Doggie.
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155. And that's called a doggie, too.
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156. But her name is Lady Bird.
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157. She's a purebred Georgia bloodhound.
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158. Her mama tracked down James Earl Ray.
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159. Whoo!
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160. Aren't kids great?
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161. They're too young to know about fear
or prejudice.
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162. They won't have to learn that
till high school.
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163. Yep, there's a real lesson here
for all of us.
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164. Move, please.
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165. You're standing on my hose.
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166. Dad, look!
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167. Ladybird and Doggie like each other.
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168. Of course, they do, son.
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169. They're neighbors.
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170. You know, Kahn, I just found a breeding
partner for my Lady Bird.
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171. If you're interested
in having a real American dog,
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172. I can give…
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173. What the hell…!
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174. Get him off! Get him off of her!
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175. Your Lady Bird, she real slut.
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176. Lady Bird is not a slut.
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177. She is in heat.
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178. Her hormones have overwhelmed
her natural modesty.
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179. For Pete's sake,
would you tie up your dog?
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180. You tie your dog.
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181. She seduce my Doggie.
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182. That's ridiculous.
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183. Lady Bird can only love another
purebred Georgia bloodhound.
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184. You know what I think, Hank Hill?
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185. I think you're a narrow-minded redneck!
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186. Oh, I get it, just because I'm from Texas
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187. I got to be a redneck.
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188. Chinese and their stupid stereotypes.
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189. Get off my property!
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190. Sorry, Lady Bird.
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191. I know you didn't mean to, uh…
have relations with that dog
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192. but I got to tie you up anyway.
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193. If only to protect
your virtue and good name.
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194. Mm-hm. Oh, man.
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195. Well, hey, look at that.
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196. Maybe Kahn will let you borrow his
sexy little import.
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197. I'd cut my entire quarter acre
with the lady bic
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198. before I'd borrow that man's mower.
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199. I just don't like him.
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200. Why? 'Cause he's Chinese?
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201. No.
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202. So, he's Korean?
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203. What the hell's the difference?
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204. I don't like the man.
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205. That has nothing to do
with where he's from.
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206. I'm no redneck.
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207. He could be from Mars for all I care.
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208. Believe me, Hank, if Kahn were from Mars,
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209. you'd care.
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210. Especially after he's stolen
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211. every last drop of Earth's drinkable water
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212. to transport back to his home planet.
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213. Mars.
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214. Come on. Stop dawdling, Luanne.
We have got to pick up that pizza
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215. before the cheese gets cold
and the pineapple gets hot.
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216. What's the rush?
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217. If we're not there
in 30 minutes, it's free.
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218. Peggy Hill! Peggy Hill!
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219. Wait Aunt Peggy, it's Minh.
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220. - Mm-hmm.
- Stop!
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221. Oh, why, Minh,
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222. I almost did not see you there.
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223. Peggy Hill…
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224. I feel deeply, deeply sorry about dinner.
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225. We get off to bad start.
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226. I say things I should only have thought.
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227. Oh, Minh, thank you.
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228. It must have taken a lot of courage
to apologize like that.
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229. And I know, I was once
the new girl in town myself.
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230. Me, Kahn, Kahn Jr.
Have a barbecue tomorrow.
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231. It mean so much if you come.
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232. Well, thank you, Minh.
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233. We would be honored to come.
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234. And if you need any help with the barbecue
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235. or if you just want to
know what a barbecue is
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236. you give me a call.
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237. Uh-uh, Peggy.
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238. I can't go. I won't.
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239. Not after what he said about Lady Bird.
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240. Oh, Hank, come on.
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241. Now, Minh and I just made up.
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242. We have to go.
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243. And if you stay home,
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244. people will think you don't like Kahn
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245. just because he's oriental.
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246. That is ridiculous.
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247. I hate the man
because he's rude and nasty,
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248. not because of what his people
did to us in WWII.
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249. Well, Hank, I know that,
but everyone else…
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250. They'll say, "Hank Hill is a racist."
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251. What the heck kind of country is this?
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252. Where I can only hate a man if he's white?
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253. Hank Hill, you will go to that party
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254. you will pretend to like Kahn
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255. and you will drink until you actually do.
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256. Go on.
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257. Uh…
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258. Uh, howdy, Kahn.
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259. Howdy, howdy, howdy.
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260. Here you go.
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261. I thought you might enjoy
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262. 7.5 gallons of pure premium propane.
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263. Are you kidding?
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264. No, I cook with mesquite.
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265. Give meat nice taste of wood.
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266. And I cook with propane.
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267. Gives meat nice taste of meat.
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268. Hank Hill…
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269. Hey, whatever.
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270. Some cultures like mesquite,
some prefer propane.
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271. Doesn't mean we can't all get along.
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272. Just because I happen to sell propane
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273. and propane accessories…
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274. All right, go stick tank on a table.
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275. Keep napkins from blowing away.
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276. Kahn Souphanousinphone…
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277. Ah, okay.
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278. You honor me by giving me gas.
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279. Doggie's just like me.
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280. He's new in town and he's only
got one friend.
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281. Yeah.
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282. But at least you're not tied up.
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283. If I were, I'd just dislocate my shoulders
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284. and slip out of the knot
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285. I'd chew through the leash.
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286. I bet it tastes just like a bible cover.
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287. Hey, let's untie him.
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288. They belong together.
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289. And it's fun to watch them play piggyback.
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290. There you go, boy.
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291. Go play with Lady Bird.
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292. Be with your true love.
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293. Wait!
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294. Come back!
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295. You're in love!
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296. Doggie! Doggie, no, no!
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297. Come back!
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298. Oh, look, it's Peggy Hill,
my new best friend!
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299. She's so pretty
in her little yellow sundress.
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300. Oh, Minh, you are so sweet
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301. I could just mix you up in some Jell-O
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302. and eat you for dessert.
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303. Oh, Peggy Hill, look at husbands.
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304. Too bad men don't get along like we do.
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305. We get along.
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306. Men stupid.
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307. Women smart.
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308. Mm-hmm, the whole world over.
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309. Heh-heh-heh. Peggy Hill.
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310. Look what I make, Peggy Hill brown betty.
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311. Oh… But that's impossible.
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312. I never gave you the…
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313. Where'd you get my granny's recipe?
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314. I figure it out myself,
and then make it better.
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315. Her recipe missing one thing, flavor.
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316. I beg your "P"?
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317. I add flavor, nutmeg flavor.
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318. Now taste much better,
don't you think, Peggy Hill?
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319. Please to try Peggy brown betty.
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320. Would you like a Peggy brown betty?
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321. It's tasty. Delicious.
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322. Why, Peggy, to be honest
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323. I have always had trouble
keeping your brown betty down
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324. but this here is pure heaven.
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325. Those burgers
look pretty done to me.
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326. Not yet.
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327. You might want to turn them now.
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328. Too soon.
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329. Okay.
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330. Uh…
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331. You might want to turn them now.
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332. No. Please go away.
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333. Please, Kahn, you're burning them.
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334. That's too much char.
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335. Shut mouth and open mouth.
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336. Mmm.
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337. Boy, howdy.
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338. That is the best damn burger I ever ate.
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339. Stop. Stop pushing.
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340. There's enough for everyone…
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341. If three of you go home right now.
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342. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Joke!
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343. Doggie?
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344. Doggie?
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345. Kahn Jr.?
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346. Yeah?
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347. Why are you named Kahn Jr.?
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348. My father wanted a boy.
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349. Yeah, so did mine.
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350. My dad is so lame.
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351. He makes me practice violin
five hours a day.
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352. My dad won't let me watch TV
more than five hours a day.
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353. Well, my dad's making me memorize
2,000 words for the S.A.T.
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354. He's such an autocrat.
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355. What's a S.A.T.?
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356. I'll tell you, Peggy.
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357. There's nothing these
people can't make better.
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358. First the automobile, then the color TV
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359. and now the hamburger.
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360. How do they do it?
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361. With a dash of nutmeg, Hank.
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362. A dash of nutmeg.
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363. Oh, Peggy Hill…
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364. Your husband like burger so much
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365. I give you recipe.
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366. Now you can please him.
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367. I don't care what country he's from.
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368. Any man who can make a burger like that
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369. is okay by me.
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370. You said it.
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371. Boy, it was so good, it's almost a shame
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372. to lose it to the process of digestion.
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373. Yeah, man, I'll tell you what.
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374. That dang old onion soup powder
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375. you just put a little bit of that
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376. you don't need no grilled onions, man.
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377. How about you, Dale?
How many you got under your belt?
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378. Zero.
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379. Huh? How come.
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380. Don't eat dog.
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381. Huh?
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382. Okay, here are the facts as I see 'em.
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383. Kahn served you dog.
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384. Kahn did not serve us dog.
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385. That's just an awful stereotype.
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386. Chinese people don't really do that.
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387. Well, I don't know.
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388. Anyone crazy enough to put
nutmeg in brown betty.
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389. Well, they'd be crazy
enough to do anything.
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390. I… Hey, even if they did feed us dog
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391. you know, who are we, huh?
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392. Who are we to judge other cultures?
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393. You know, maybe they're onto something.
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394. They did invent paper, you know.
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395. Quit talking like that.
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396. Dog is man's best friend.
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397. You wouldn't eat
your best friend, would you?
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398. 'Course not.
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399. Wait. Are we talking about
some lifeboat situation here?
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400. 'Cause I don't want
to paint myself into a corner.
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401. Look, I can settle this right now.
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402. That woman gave us a recipe.
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403. See? Right here, it says, "chopped meat"
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404. not chopped dog.
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405. Dog is meat.
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406. Mmm. You said it, friend.
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407. Oh. I… I was trying to get
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408. that awful taste off my fingers.
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409. Doggie? Doggie?
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410. Hello? Dog pound?
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411. Yes, hello?
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412. I'm looking for dog.
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413. Sweet, sweet dog.
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414. Have big barbecue today, and dog run out.
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415. Oh, about 20, 25 pound.
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416. Good lord, it's true!
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417. Oh, I call you back.
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418. Hank Hill!
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419. What a nice surprise.
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420. Hey, Kahn, come quick.
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421. Your best friend is here.
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422. O-oh, no.
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423. Uh, uh, that's okay.
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424. What you doing here?
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425. Uh…
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426. I can't hear you over my weed whacker!
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427. Hey, where you going, Hank Hill? Stop!
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428. I can't hear you.
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429. My chrysanthemum!
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430. What you doing?
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431. Ah! You ruin my yard!
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432. You crazy redneck!
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433. We're never going to find Doggie.
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434. I know.
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435. Want to ride bikes?
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436. Hey…
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437. Lady Bird's a bloodhound.
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438. Maybe she can find Doggie.
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439. Yeah!
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440. Come on, Lady Bird.
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441. Lead us to Doggie.
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442. Ah.
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443. My God, Dale, you were right.
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444. Their dog is gone.
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445. All gone.
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446. I caught Minh on the phone
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447. with some kind of doggie butcher.
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448. She was placing an order.
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449. This is very dangerous.
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450. They know that you know.
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451. And now, they got to come after you.
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452. - They do?
- Yup.
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453. They'll get you with a blow dart.
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454. That's their way.
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455. But you'll just think it's a mosquito bite
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456. until you die.
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457. Then you'll know the truth.
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458. Why? Why would they shoot people?
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459. Human meat's tough, flavorless.
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460. They should be out hunting for more dog.
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461. Good gad!
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462. He's got Lady Bird!
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463. It's still wet.
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464. Maybe there's time.
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465. Come on, guys. We got to save Lady Bird.
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466. D'ah! I've been hit!
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467. Quick, somebody suck out the poison!
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468. Oh, no!
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469. Lady Bird!
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470. Whoa… That psycho redneck is back.
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471. Why he so mad?
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472. We do something wrong?
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473. You're the one who insulted his propane.
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474. You're the one who made fun
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475. of Peggy Hill's monster feet.
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476. Open up, Kahn!
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477. Open up now!
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478. Get my bat.
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479. I know you're in there!
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480. Go away!
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481. I do nothing wrong.
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482. Look, Kahn, I understand
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483. that life is valued differently
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484. in your part of the world.
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485. Largely as a result of
overcrowding and famine
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486. but you're in my country now.
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487. You a crazy man!
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488. I call the police.
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489. If anyone's calling the police
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490. it's going to be me.
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491. Please, what you want from me?
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492. I want my Lady Bird.
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493. You understand me?
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494. Give me my dog back or else.
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495. Oh-ho-ho… Tough guy.
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496. I so scared.
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497. You want a piece of this?
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498. Dad, no!
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499. It's all our fault.
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500. We lost the dogs.
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501. They wanted to play with each other
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502. so we untied them, and they ran away
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503. and now, we can't find them.
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504. You what?
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505. You mean you…
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506. The, the dogs…
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507. They're still alive?
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508. What you think happen?
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509. Well, I… Uh… Nothing.
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510. We're sorry, dad.
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511. We looked everywhere.
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512. We really did.
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513. Bobby, you really screwed up this time.
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514. Kahn Jr., you fall in with a bad crowd.
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515. You made me fight with my neighbor.
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516. You made the neighbor man crazy.
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517. - Go to your room!
- Go your room!
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518. Wha…? You say, "Go to your room"?
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519. Huh. I say, "Go your room."
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520. You spank?
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521. No, sir.
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522. Don't believe in it.
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523. No, me neither.
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524. I think it barbaric.
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525. How about bed without dessert?
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526. Never fail.
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527. Huh. Wouldn't figure a
child could be motivated
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528. by a fortune cookie and an orange slice.
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529. Oh, the cookie may be small
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530. but it contain great wisdom.
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531. And orange is sweet and juicy.
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532. You know, Kahn, we may deny our kids
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533. completely different desserts.
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534. But they both go to bed hungry,
and that's what really matters.
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535. Well… Guess we're not
so different after all.
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536. Boy howdy.
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537. Lady Bird!
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538. Doggie!
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539. Doggie's home!
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540. Welcome to the neighborhood,
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541. Kahn… Sou-pha-nou-sin-phone.
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542. Just call me Kahn.
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543. I don't got all damn day.
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544. I'm running out of time!
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545. Give me the antidote, man!
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546. This is my granny's five-alarm jambalaya.
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547. Mmm. You want less hot, more spicy.
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548. Add nutmeg.
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549. Less hot, more spicy.
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550. Add nutmeg, of course.
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551. Okay. Aunt Lavern's chicken fried chicken.
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552. Mmm. Too much Mrs. Dash.
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553. Add nutmeg.
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554. And this here is my very own rabbit stew.
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555. Ugh! Rabbit?
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556. You rednecks will eat anything.
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