1. Hmm. Two and an eighth.Copy !req
2. And two and a sixteenth.Copy !req
3. Better let some air out of my left tires.Copy !req
4. Hey, you getting your lawn ready
for cinco de mayo, Hank?Copy !req
5. Bill, my lawn is
in a constant state of readiness.Copy !req
6. The block party is just
an opportunity to trot her outCopy !req
7. and show what she can do.Copy !req
8. - Hey, Hank,Copy !req
9. since you let your lawn go to heck,
okay, if Doggie make on it?Copy !req
10. Hey, if you've got
something to say, say it.Copy !req
11. It's not my place to point out
low density patches here... over there...Copy !req
12. - And behind other side of house.Copy !req
13. Sucky lawn bring down value
of my property.Copy !req
14. - Now, you listen here, Kahn.Copy !req
15. If anyone's bringing downCopy !req
16. the value of this neighborhood, it's me.Copy !req
17. My lawn's nothing
but ragweed and auto parts.Copy !req
18. I should be ashamed
to live next to Hank Hill.Copy !req
19. He's got the best lawn in Arlen.Copy !req
20. Oh, best lawn... after mine.Copy !req
21. - Ha!Copy !req
22. Ha!Copy !req
23. Oh, don't worry, Hank.Copy !req
24. We might be able to tell Kahn's lawn
is better than yours,Copy !req
25. but all those people
at the block party, they won't.Copy !req
26. They'll be drunk.Copy !req
27. Darn.Copy !req
28. I've poured my whole life into this lawn.Copy !req
29. My heart, my soul...Copy !req
30. the tender feelings
I've held back from my family.Copy !req
31. Now, Hank, you don't want to win that way.Copy !req
32. Why don't you just switch those back
and go in and hug your wife.Copy !req
33. Bethany, it does not matter
if your avocados are hard.Copy !req
34. Life is hard.Copy !req
35. You cannot make authentic guacamole
out of lima beans and ritz crackers.Copy !req
36. Ah, these people...Copy !req
37. - Gringos.Copy !req
38. I'm just glad you're in charge
of the block party this year, Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
39. Last year it was all tex and no mex.Copy !req
40. I don't know why everyone's so gaga
over Kahn's lawn all of a sudden.Copy !req
41. For God's sakes,
the man mows with the grain.Copy !req
42. Oh, he's the devil.Copy !req
43. Anyway, Hank.
Would you please tell BoomhauerCopy !req
44. swiss cheese is not Mexican?Copy !req
45. It is American.Copy !req
46. I want him to bring some monterrey hack.Copy !req
47. I'm the block captain.Copy !req
48. I should have the best lawn
for cinco de mayo.Copy !req
49. But look at her, something's wrong.Copy !req
50. She's like a pretty girl with short hair.Copy !req
51. Hey, Hank, what do you say
to another lawn sprayingCopy !req
52. from your favorite exterminator?Copy !req
53. Well, uh, I don't know.Copy !req
54. I guess those twice-a-week sprayings
have been doing the job, Dale.Copy !req
55. I lost another client.Copy !req
56. Thinks I use too much chemicals.Copy !req
57. I say Sara Lee
uses more chemicals than I do.Copy !req
58. Come on, I need to make up the income.Copy !req
59. I'll do it for free.Copy !req
60. Uh, well... Okay.Copy !req
61. Wingo, man!Copy !req
62. I'll get my stuff.Copy !req
63. You know, maybe
that's what's wrong with your lawn.Copy !req
64. - Dale's spraying too much poison on it?Copy !req
65. What? No...Copy !req
66. He's always sprayed my lawn.Copy !req
67. And if I can give
some business to my friendCopy !req
68. and keep my lawn bug-free,Copy !req
69. it's worth two dollars a week.Copy !req
70. Well, then, good for you
for choosing your friend over your lawn.Copy !req
71. - All right.Copy !req
72. Turn your cuffs down, boys
and make sure you're zipped.Copy !req
73. Uh, you know what, Dale?Copy !req
74. I thought it over,
and I think I'll take a rain check.Copy !req
75. But I was going to spray
for fire ants today.Copy !req
76. All the same, I'll give it a pass.Copy !req
77. Oh, I wouldn't advise that.Copy !req
78. You risk getting a queen.Copy !req
79. Look at her!Copy !req
80. She can lay a million eggs
in a 24-hour period.Copy !req
81. Wow...Copy !req
82. That's more than a human woman
does in a lifetime.Copy !req
83. These fire ants are well-organized,
highly trained insects.Copy !req
84. They'll swarm all over youCopy !req
85. and sting you all at once
without warning on a single command.Copy !req
86. It's how they killed L. Ron Hubbard.Copy !req
87. Ah, Dale, fire ants
don't sting you all at once.Copy !req
88. Half of them bite,
the other half are on defense.Copy !req
89. That's not true.Copy !req
90. I don't know, man, Hank's the man.Copy !req
91. He knows, dang ol' Hank's the man.Copy !req
92. What are you guys listening to Hank for?Copy !req
93. I have dedicated my professional career
to the study and control of arthropods.Copy !req
94. I have personally taste-tested
each and every household insecticide.Copy !req
95. I have read a book.Copy !req
96. Now, who do you believe, me or Hank?Copy !req
97. - Hank.
- Dang ol' Hank's more believable.Copy !req
98. Fine, side with him.Copy !req
99. Just to show you what a big man I amCopy !req
100. I'll still spray your lawn.Copy !req
101. Dale, I don't want you
to spray my lawn anymore.Copy !req
102. - Not now, not ever.Copy !req
103. I see what's going on here.Copy !req
104. You got another exterminator.Copy !req
105. Is he licensed?Copy !req
106. Is he bonded?Copy !req
107. Is that it?Copy !req
108. Did you want someone
who's licensed and bonded?Copy !req
109. Dale, let's not make this any harder
than it has to be.Copy !req
110. It's over.Copy !req
111. - But...Copy !req
112. I'm your exterminator.Copy !req
113. You were my exterminator.Copy !req
114. Now we're just friends.Copy !req
115. Don't do this to me in front of everybody.Copy !req
116. Let me just spray a little
to keep up appearances.Copy !req
117. No.Copy !req
118. All done, Hank.Copy !req
119. Just keep the dog
in the house for an hour.Copy !req
120. I did what had to be done.Copy !req
121. - I got rid of an anti-lawn element.Copy !req
122. Sure, he's a friend,
but I have lots of friends.Copy !req
123. I only have the one lawn.Copy !req
124. Hmm...Copy !req
125. - What do you think?Copy !req
126. Does this say Hank Hill?Copy !req
127. I thought we just came
for seed and fertilizer.Copy !req
128. Why are men so attracted to hoes?Copy !req
129. Peggy...Copy !req
130. - Peggy, look!Copy !req
131. - It's Raleigh St. Augustine.Copy !req
132. The heck with fertilizer and seed.
I want this.Copy !req
133. Hank, it's $1.25 a square foot.Copy !req
134. - So what? It's worth it.Copy !req
135. Look, some people hoist a flag
to show they love our country.Copy !req
136. Well, my lawn is my flag.Copy !req
137. It tells the world,Copy !req
138. here lives a competent,
trustworthy salesmanCopy !req
139. of propane and propane accessories.Copy !req
140. A man who can't keep up a lawn
is either inept or stupid.Copy !req
141. Without my lawn, I am Bill.Copy !req
142. Do you want to be married to Bill?Copy !req
143. Well, misterCopy !req
144. you have just installed
the finest lawn on the block.Copy !req
145. Oh, Peggy, I didn't do it for me.Copy !req
146. I did it for Arlen.Copy !req
147. Ooh, it looks so nice. Can I touch it?Copy !req
148. Sure. It's a lawn.Copy !req
149. It's meant to be enjoyed.Copy !req
150. - Ooh...Copy !req
151. It feels so... good against my skin.Copy !req
152. Uh, okay, that's enough.Copy !req
153. Ahh.Copy !req
154. - Hey, Hank.Copy !req
155. Congrats on the lawn, friend.Copy !req
156. Well, I'm glad you came.Copy !req
157. May I?Copy !req
158. Just a little.Copy !req
159. Oh, yeah... That's nice.Copy !req
160. Feels like a shag carpet with dirt.Copy !req
161. Feels like... home.Copy !req
162. Hey!Copy !req
163. Get off my property!Copy !req
164. Luanne!Copy !req
165. For God's sakes...Copy !req
166. Ouch.Copy !req
167. Ahh.Copy !req
168. Boy, it does feel good against the skin.Copy !req
169. Hank Hill,Copy !req
170. somebody steal my TV guide out of mailbox.Copy !req
171. First I think it Bill,
but then I think, "Can Bill read?"Copy !req
172. Well, hey, Kahn.Copy !req
173. - Just letting my feet air out here.Copy !req
174. Well, Hillbilly barefoot.Copy !req
175. Big surprise.Copy !req
176. Yep. Just walking around
on my lush, super-plush new lawn.Copy !req
177. I noticed.
Raleigh st. Augustine, very expensive.Copy !req
178. Well, I think it was worth it
for the best lawn in Arlen.Copy !req
179. Yes, yes, all right. You win. Best lawn.Copy !req
180. Tomorrow maybe we compare salary.Copy !req
181. Kahn Jr., get fertilizer.Copy !req
182. Minh, get my tax return.Copy !req
183. Hmm, don't want to get a hose imprint.Copy !req
184. Ow! What the...Copy !req
185. A fire ant?Copy !req
186. Oh, God, no!Copy !req
187. An anthill on my new lawn!Copy !req
188. Oh, so that's what that is.Copy !req
189. How did I get fire ants?Copy !req
190. I'm only a professional exterminator.Copy !req
191. I don't know how you get 'em.Copy !req
192. I only know how you get rid of 'em.Copy !req
193. Welp, got to go.Copy !req
194. It's called eco-kill, Hank.Copy !req
195. The government would not
let them use the word "Eco"Copy !req
196. - unless it was ecologically safe.Copy !req
197. I don't know, Peggy.Copy !req
198. It seems to me it's going
to take more than a bag of fliesCopy !req
199. to scare off these red devil bastards.Copy !req
200. No-ho-ho-ho-ho,
they do more than scare 'em.Copy !req
201. "The phorid fly injects its egg
into the fire ant's head.Copy !req
202. The egg hatches into a maggotCopy !req
203. which eats awa at the ant's brainCopy !req
204. until the head falls off.Copy !req
205. - Repeat as necessary.
- I like it.Copy !req
206. This is exactly what
those environmentalistsCopy !req
207. should be spending their time on,Copy !req
208. finding ways to use nature
against other forms of natureCopy !req
209. that are inconvenient to man.Copy !req
210. Wow. Look how busy this ant is.Copy !req
211. It's got so many places to goCopy !req
212. and so many things to do.Copy !req
213. - Oops.Copy !req
214. Ooh.Copy !req
215. Your parents got eco-kill.Copy !req
216. Cool.Copy !req
217. We can collect the empty ant heads
when they're done.Copy !req
218. What a terrible way to die.Copy !req
219. - Oops.Copy !req
220. Come on, if we save them,
we can play with them.Copy !req
221. Hey, look at that chubby white one.Copy !req
222. He reminds me of me,
before my growth spurt.Copy !req
223. That's the queen, stupid.Copy !req
224. It looks just like
the one on my dad's truck.Copy !req
225. You mean, Dale Gribble's truck?Copy !req
226. Yeah, yeah. My dad.Copy !req
227. The queen is cool.Copy !req
228. She lets out smellsCopy !req
229. that make the other ants
do whatever she wants.Copy !req
230. Wow.Copy !req
231. Hmm.Copy !req
232. Well, well, well.Copy !req
233. Looks like those fire ants
played you like a darn fiddle.Copy !req
234. Yeah, well, the opera ain't over yet.Copy !req
235. Okay, ants, put your heads
between your six legs...Copy !req
236. - ... and kiss your butt good-bye.Copy !req
237. "Celebration of local graffiti artists?"Copy !req
238. I'll give you a headline,Copy !req
239. "Local man cancels
newspaper subscription."Copy !req
240. Hey, Hank!Copy !req
241. You got a permit
for all that construction?Copy !req
242. You've got ants.Copy !req
243. Yes, my queen.Copy !req
244. Yo, Peggy wants me to barbecue
20 pounds of Mexican sausage.Copy !req
245. I got half a tank of propane left.
You think that's enough?Copy !req
246. I figure I could top it off
with some lighter fluid or something.Copy !req
247. Whoa, Bill, you don't want to be mixing
and matching your petrochemicals.Copy !req
248. The propane association recommends that...Copy !req
249. It'll be fine, Bill.Copy !req
250. Burn is burn.Copy !req
251. "Burn is burn."Copy !req
252. I got to remember that.Copy !req
253. No, no. I'm telling you, that's dangerous.Copy !req
254. Propane is what I know best.Copy !req
255. Well, it sure ain't lawns.Copy !req
256. Yeah, man, you're dang sure
right about that, yo.Copy !req
257. Hey, guys, I kind of got
to talk to Dale alone.Copy !req
258. Hank, I was just telling
the guys about Stonehenge.Copy !req
259. It seems the druids used it
as some kind of sophisticated celestial...Copy !req
260. Uh, Dale, I didn't come here to...Copy !req
261. Oh, no. For once you will hear me out.Copy !req
262. Calendar.Copy !req
263. Now, what can I do for you?Copy !req
264. You can save my lawn.Copy !req
265. Those fire ants are out of control.Copy !req
266. Dale, you're the only one who can help me.Copy !req
267. That's right. I am.Copy !req
268. The question is, why should I?Copy !req
269. Well, I'll give you two dollars.Copy !req
270. Ha! Two dollars.Copy !req
271. Because you're my friend.Copy !req
272. Ooh, I'm Hank's "Friend."Copy !req
273. Tie a ribbon around me.Copy !req
274. Because I'm coming to you, man to manCopy !req
275. offering a genuine apology
for choosing my lawn over our friendship.Copy !req
276. Geez, Hank, I was just
holding out for $2.50.Copy !req
277. - Hey, what's that? What are you spraying?Copy !req
278. There won't be bleaching, will there?Copy !req
279. Hell, no.Copy !req
280. Uh... I'd put that mask back on
if I were you.Copy !req
281. You should have come to me sooner.Copy !req
282. - I got to pull out the big gun...Copy !req
283. dioxaphilaphide 6,000 with techroline.Copy !req
284. And don't forget,
it is cuatro de mayo.Copy !req
285. That's right, brother.Copy !req
286. - That's right man.Copy !req
287. It's not fair.Copy !req
288. She was so youngCopy !req
289. and green.Copy !req
290. I never even got a chance to mow her.Copy !req
291. - Oh, it'll be okay, Hank.Copy !req
292. You will grow a new lawn
by next year's Cinco de mayo.Copy !req
293. Uh-uh. I can't go through this again.Copy !req
294. From now on, wood chips and gravel.Copy !req
295. Now, you do not mean that.Copy !req
296. Ashes to ashes, man.Copy !req
297. That dang ol' ashes to ashes.Copy !req
298. I only used as much poison as necessary
and not a 55-gallon drum more.Copy !req
299. Poor Hank.Copy !req
300. - Serves him right.
- Darn straight.Copy !req
301. Yeah, yeah, does.Copy !req
302. - Mm-hmm.
- You know, where I come fromCopy !req
303. we got a thing called karma.Copy !req
304. You do something bad,Copy !req
305. it come back and bite you in the ass!Copy !req
306. Big, white stubborn ass.Copy !req
307. Uh, guys, I can hear you.Copy !req
308. - Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
309. Buckley wants to bring his.38Copy !req
310. to shoot off at the block party,Copy !req
311. but Uncle Hank said nothing
bigger than a.22.Copy !req
312. Well, now, he is
the block captain, Luanne.Copy !req
313. Now, I coat the churrosCopy !req
314. with azucar or sugar.Copy !req
315. - Well, how very odd.Copy !req
316. Now what the heck was that?Copy !req
317. - Feast, my queen, feast.Copy !req
318. I just hope Hank doesn't blame Dale
for what happened.Copy !req
319. Oh, no, Nancy.Copy !req
320. He knows Dale was only doing his job.Copy !req
321. That's it. He gave him a 50-cent raise.Copy !req
322. Oh, sugar.Copy !req
323. We're out of sugar, shug.Copy !req
324. You know, I think there's some
more in the basement.Copy !req
325. Oh, no, I'll go get it.Copy !req
326. Dale?Copy !req
327. - Mm.Copy !req
328. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
329. Hey, Peggy.Copy !req
330. How could you do it?Copy !req
331. How could you plant fire ants on our lawn?Copy !req
332. Uh, I'm denying that. That's my position.Copy !req
333. Dale, you wrote it on this map...Copy !req
334. 3:00 AM, planted ants.Copy !req
335. If all you're going on
is my confession, forget it.Copy !req
336. - I'm simply not credible.Copy !req
337. Well, then, what on God's green earth
are you doing with all these fire ants?Copy !req
338. Uh... they're silkworms.Copy !req
339. Uh-huh.Copy !req
340. If you keep your mouth shut,
I'll make you a business suit.Copy !req
341. No. I cannot allow you
to leave the safety of the bowl.Copy !req
342. It is too dangerous out there.Copy !req
343. Forgive me, my queen.Copy !req
344. I spoke out of turn.Copy !req
345. Yes, your majesty,
I will tell my people about you.Copy !req
346. And may I be so bold as to ask you
to tell your subjects about...Copy !req
347. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
348. I'm telling you, Hank, it is Dale
with those fire ants...Copy !req
349. - Dale!Copy !req
350. Oh, man.Copy !req
351. - Dale, you went too far this time.Copy !req
352. - Come back here.Copy !req
353. - Come here! I'm going to kick your ass.
- No!Copy !req
354. - No.
- I'm going to kick it harderCopy !req
355. if you don't come over here.Copy !req
356. You shouldn't have fired me!Copy !req
357. You know what I'm like!Copy !req
358. I'm capable of any crazy thing!Copy !req
359. But my lawn, Dale?Copy !req
360. You don't mess with a man's lawn!Copy !req
361. I had no choice!Copy !req
362. I tried planting the ants in your driveway
but they didn't take.Copy !req
363. They couldn't bite through cement.Copy !req
364. They're weak, like me!Copy !req
365. Um, Dad...Copy !req
366. Not now, Bobby,
I'm in the middle of something.Copy !req
367. This really can't wait.Copy !req
368. Aah, Bobby, what are you doing?Copy !req
369. - Take 'em off.Copy !req
370. Bobby, don't move a muscle.Copy !req
371. What?Copy !req
372. Listen to him, Bobby.Copy !req
373. If you move,
they're all gonna sting at once.Copy !req
374. Take my hand, Bobby.Copy !req
375. The ants will swarm on me.Copy !req
376. What if they don't?Copy !req
377. Oh, they will.Copy !req
378. They've been waiting to get
a piece of me for 15 years.Copy !req
379. Come and get it, boys.Copy !req
380. Youch.Copy !req
381. D-Dale?Copy !req
382. Mr. Gribble?Copy !req
383. Dale, no!Copy !req
384. Oh.Copy !req
385. - Oh, God.Copy !req
386. You sacrificed your life to save my son.Copy !req
387. I guess that makes us even
for you ruining my lawn.Copy !req
388. What am I saying?
Of course it makes us even.Copy !req
389. While I was blacked out,
was anything inserted into me?Copy !req
390. You're alive?Copy !req
391. Answer the question.Copy !req
392. And it's on the green.Copy !req
393. Beautiful.Copy !req
394. It's on the green.Copy !req
395. So green and soothing.Copy !req
396. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
397. Come join the block party.Copy !req
398. How about at least one margarrrrita
before Bill finishes them all.Copy !req
399. It's not... Margarrrrita.Copy !req
400. Okay. It's margarita.Copy !req
401. - Oh, Hank. Hank, come quick.Copy !req
402. Well, I'll be.Copy !req
403. - Here, Hank.Copy !req
404. I've been saving this for someone special.Copy !req
405. But I guess she's never coming back.Copy !req
406. Try and make lawn nice, neighbor.Copy !req
407. Organically grown. No chemicals.Copy !req
408. I killed all the bugs with my fingers.Copy !req
409. Whoo-ee, man.Copy !req
410. That dang ol' Hank, man.Copy !req
411. Everybody's best friend, man.
Richest man in the world.Copy !req
412. Just like the dang old, jimmy... Yo.Copy !req
413. Well, this is a very friendly gesture.Copy !req
414. I-I-I like you all a whole lot.Copy !req
415. If any of you weren't here,Copy !req
416. - I'd miss you some.Copy !req
417. I especially want to thank Dale Gribble.Copy !req
418. Without his paranoid,
and... well, hateful nature,Copy !req
419. I never would've learnedCopy !req
420. what kind of beating
a friendship can survive.Copy !req
421. You're my best friend, Dale.Copy !req
422. Oh, I thought
I was your best friend, Hank.Copy !req
423. Yeah, well...Copy !req