1. Hmm. Two and an eighth.Copy !req
2. And two and a sixteenth.Copy !req
3. Better let some air out of my left tires.Copy !req
4. Hey, you getting your lawn ready
for cinco de mayo, Hank?Copy !req
5. Bill, my lawn is
in a constant state of readiness.Copy !req
6. The block party is just
an opportunity to trot her outCopy !req
7. and show what she can do.Copy !req
8. Hey, Hank,Copy !req
9. since you let your lawn go to heck,
okay, if Doggie make on it?Copy !req
10. Hey, if you've got
something to say, say it.Copy !req
11. It's not my place to point out
low density patches here… over there…Copy !req
12. And behind other side of house.Copy !req
13. Sucky lawn bring down value
of my property.Copy !req
14. Now, you listen here, Kahn.Copy !req
15. If anyone's bringing downCopy !req
16. the value of this neighborhood, it's me.Copy !req
17. My lawn's nothing
but ragweed and auto parts.Copy !req
18. I should be ashamed
to live next to Hank Hill.Copy !req
19. He's got the best lawn in Arlen.Copy !req
20. Oh, best lawn… after mine.Copy !req
21. Ha!Copy !req
22. Ha!Copy !req
23. Oh, don't worry, Hank.Copy !req
24. We might be able to tell Kahn's lawn
is better than yours,Copy !req
25. but all those people
at the block party, they won't.Copy !req
26. They'll be drunk.Copy !req
27. Darn.Copy !req
28. I've poured my whole life into this lawn.Copy !req
29. My heart, my soulCopy !req
30. the tender feelings
I've held back from my family.Copy !req
31. Now, Hank, you don't want to win that way.Copy !req
32. Why don't you just switch those back
and go in and hug your wife.Copy !req
33. Bethany, it does not matter
if your avocados are hard.Copy !req
34. Life is hard.Copy !req
35. You cannot make authentic guacamole
out of lima beans and ritz crackers.Copy !req
36. Ah, these people…Copy !req
37. Gringos.Copy !req
38. I'm just glad you're in charge
of the block party this year, Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
39. Last year it was all tex and no mex.Copy !req
40. I don't know why everyone's so gaga
over Kahn's lawn all of a sudden.Copy !req
41. For God's sakes,
the man mows with the grain.Copy !req
42. Oh, he's the devil.Copy !req
43. Anyway, Hank.
Would you please tell BoomhauerCopy !req
44. swiss cheese is not Mexican?Copy !req
45. It is American.Copy !req
46. I want him to bring some monterrey hack.Copy !req
47. I'm the block captain.Copy !req
48. I should have the best lawn
for cinco de mayo.Copy !req
49. But look at her, something's wrong.Copy !req
50. She's like a pretty girl with short hair.Copy !req
51. Hey, Hank, what do you say
to another lawn sprayingCopy !req
52. from your favorite exterminator?Copy !req
53. Well, uh, I don't know.Copy !req
54. I guess those twice-a-week sprayings
have been doing the job, Dale.Copy !req
55. I lost another client.Copy !req
56. Thinks I use too much chemicals.Copy !req
57. I say Sara Lee
uses more chemicals than I do.Copy !req
58. Come on, I need to make up the income.Copy !req
59. I'll do it for free.Copy !req
60. Uh, well… Okay.Copy !req
61. Wingo, man!Copy !req
62. I'll get my stuff.Copy !req
63. You know, maybe
that's what's wrong with your lawn.Copy !req
64. Dale's spraying too much poison on it?Copy !req
65. What? No…Copy !req
66. He's always sprayed my lawn.Copy !req
67. And if I can give
some business to my friendCopy !req
68. and keep my lawn bug-free,Copy !req
69. it's worth two dollars a week.Copy !req
70. Well, then, good for you
for choosing your friend over your lawn.Copy !req
71. All right.Copy !req
72. Turn your cuffs down, boys
and make sure you're zipped.Copy !req
73. Uh, you know what, Dale?Copy !req
74. I thought it over,
and I think I'll take a rain check.Copy !req
75. But I was going to spray
for fire ants today.Copy !req
76. All the same, I'll give it a pass.Copy !req
77. Oh, I wouldn't advise that.Copy !req
78. You risk getting a queen.Copy !req
79. Look at her!Copy !req
80. She can lay a million eggs
in a 24-hour period.Copy !req
81. Wow…Copy !req
82. That's more than a human woman
does in a lifetime.Copy !req
83. These fire ants are well-organized,
highly trained insects.Copy !req
84. They'll swarm all over youCopy !req
85. and sting you all at once
without warning on a single command.Copy !req
86. It's how they killed L. Ron Hubbard.Copy !req
87. Ah, Dale, fire ants
don't sting you all at once.Copy !req
88. Half of them bite,
the other half are on defense.Copy !req
89. That's not true.Copy !req
90. I don't know, man, Hank's the man.Copy !req
91. He knows, dang ol' Hank's the man.Copy !req
92. What are you guys listening to Hank for?Copy !req
93. I have dedicated my professional career
to the study and control of arthropods.Copy !req
94. I have personally taste-tested
each and every household insecticide.Copy !req
95. I have read a book.Copy !req
96. Now, who do you believe, me or Hank?Copy !req
97. - Hank.
- Dang ol' Hank's more believable.Copy !req
98. Fine, side with him.Copy !req
99. Just to show you what a big man I amCopy !req
100. I'll still spray your lawn.Copy !req
101. Dale, I don't want you
to spray my lawn anymore.Copy !req
102. Not now, not ever.Copy !req
103. I see what's going on here.Copy !req
104. You got another exterminator.Copy !req
105. Is he licensed?Copy !req
106. Is he bonded?Copy !req
107. Is that it?Copy !req
108. Did you want someone
who's licensed and bonded?Copy !req
109. Dale, let's not make this any harder
than it has to be.Copy !req
110. It's over.Copy !req
111. But…Copy !req
112. I'm your exterminator.Copy !req
113. You were my exterminator.Copy !req
114. Now we're just friends.Copy !req
115. Don't do this to me in front of everybody.Copy !req
116. Let me just spray a little
to keep up appearances.Copy !req
117. No.Copy !req
118. All done, Hank.Copy !req
119. Just keep the dog
in the house for an hour.Copy !req
120. I did what had to be done.Copy !req
121. I got rid of an anti-lawn element.Copy !req
122. Sure, he's a friend,
but I have lots of friends.Copy !req
123. I only have the one lawn.Copy !req
124. What do you think?Copy !req
125. Does this say Hank Hill?Copy !req
126. I thought we just came
for seed and fertilizer.Copy !req
127. Why are men so attracted to hoes?Copy !req
128. Peggy…Copy !req
129. Peggy, look!Copy !req
130. It's Raleigh St. Augustine.Copy !req
131. The heck with fertilizer and seed.
I want this.Copy !req
132. Hank, it's $1.25 a square foot.Copy !req
133. So what? It's worth it.Copy !req
134. Look, some people hoist a flag
to show they love our country.Copy !req
135. Well, my lawn is my flag.Copy !req
136. It tells the world,Copy !req
137. here lives a competent,
trustworthy salesmanCopy !req
138. of propane and propane accessories.Copy !req
139. A man who can't keep up a lawn
is either inept or stupid.Copy !req
140. Without my lawn, I am Bill.Copy !req
141. Do you want to be married to Bill?Copy !req
142. Well, misterCopy !req
143. you have just installed
the finest lawn on the block.Copy !req
144. Oh, Peggy, I didn't do it for me.Copy !req
145. I did it for Arlen.Copy !req
146. Ooh, it looks so nice. Can I touch it?Copy !req
147. Sure. It's a lawn.Copy !req
148. It's meant to be enjoyed.Copy !req
149. Ooh…Copy !req
150. It feels so… good against my skin.Copy !req
151. Uh, okay, that's enough.Copy !req
152. Ahh.Copy !req
153. Hey, Hank.Copy !req
154. Congrats on the lawn, friend.Copy !req
155. Well, I'm glad you came.Copy !req
156. May I?Copy !req
157. Just a little.Copy !req
158. Oh, yeah… That's nice.Copy !req
159. Feels like a shag carpet with dirt.Copy !req
160. Feels like… home.Copy !req
161. Hey!Copy !req
162. Get off my property!Copy !req
163. Luanne!Copy !req
164. For God's sakes…Copy !req
165. Ouch.Copy !req
166. Ahh.Copy !req
167. Boy, it does feel good against the skin.Copy !req
168. Hank Hill,Copy !req
169. somebody steal my TV guide out of mailbox.Copy !req
170. First I think it Bill,
but then I think, "Can Bill read?"Copy !req
171. Well, hey, Kahn.Copy !req
172. Just letting my feet air out here.Copy !req
173. Well, Hillbilly barefoot.Copy !req
174. Big surprise.Copy !req
175. Yep. Just walking around
on my lush, super-plush new lawn.Copy !req
176. I noticed.
Raleigh st. Augustine, very expensive.Copy !req
177. Well, I think it was worth it
for the best lawn in Arlen.Copy !req
178. Yes, yes, all right. You win. Best lawn.Copy !req
179. Tomorrow maybe we compare salary.Copy !req
180. Kahn Jr., get fertilizer.Copy !req
181. Minh, get my tax return.Copy !req
182. Hmm, don't want to get a hose imprint.Copy !req
183. Ow! What the…Copy !req
184. A fire ant?Copy !req
185. Oh, God, no!Copy !req
186. An anthill on my new lawn!Copy !req
187. Oh, so that's what that is.Copy !req
188. How did I get fire ants?Copy !req
189. I'm only a professional exterminator.Copy !req
190. I don't know how you get 'em.Copy !req
191. I only know how you get rid of 'em.Copy !req
192. Welp, got to go.Copy !req
193. It's called eco-kill, Hank.Copy !req
194. The government would not
let them use the word "Eco"Copy !req
195. unless it was ecologically safe.Copy !req
196. I don't know, Peggy.Copy !req
197. It seems to me it's going
to take more than a bag of fliesCopy !req
198. to scare off these red devil bastards.Copy !req
199. No-ho-ho-ho-ho,
they do more than scare 'em.Copy !req
200. "The phorid fly injects its egg
into the fire ant's head."Copy !req
201. The egg hatches into a maggotCopy !req
202. which eats awa at the ant's brainCopy !req
203. until the head falls off.Copy !req
204. - Repeat as necessary.
- I like it.Copy !req
205. This is exactly what
those environmentalistsCopy !req
206. should be spending their time on,Copy !req
207. finding ways to use nature
against other forms of natureCopy !req
208. that are inconvenient to man.Copy !req
209. Wow. Look how busy this ant is.Copy !req
210. It's got so many places to goCopy !req
211. and so many things to do.Copy !req
212. Oops.Copy !req
213. Ooh.Copy !req
214. Your parents got eco-kill.Copy !req
215. Cool.Copy !req
216. We can collect the empty ant heads
when they're done.Copy !req
217. What a terrible way to die.Copy !req
218. Oops.Copy !req
219. Come on, if we save them,
we can play with them.Copy !req
220. Hey, look at that chubby white one.Copy !req
221. He reminds me of me,
before my growth spurt.Copy !req
222. That's the queen, stupid.Copy !req
223. It looks just like
the one on my dad's truck.Copy !req
224. You mean, Dale Gribble's truck?Copy !req
225. Yeah, yeah. My dad.Copy !req
226. The queen is cool.Copy !req
227. She lets out smellsCopy !req
228. that make the other ants
do whatever she wants.Copy !req
229. Wow.Copy !req
230. Well, well, well.Copy !req
231. Looks like those fire ants
played you like a darn fiddle.Copy !req
232. Yeah, well, the opera ain't over yet.Copy !req
233. Okay, ants, put your heads
between your six legs,Copy !req
234. and kiss your butt good-bye.Copy !req
235. "Celebration of local graffiti artists?"Copy !req
236. I'll give you a headline,Copy !req
237. "Local man cancels
newspaper subscription."Copy !req
238. Hey, Hank!Copy !req
239. You got a permit
for all that construction?Copy !req
240. You've got ants.Copy !req
241. Yes, my queen.Copy !req
242. Yo, Peggy wants me to barbecue
20 pounds of Mexican sausage.Copy !req
243. I got half a tank of propane left.
You think that's enough?Copy !req
244. I figure I could top it off
with some lighter fluid or something.Copy !req
245. Whoa, Bill, you don't want to be mixing
and matching your petrochemicals.Copy !req
246. The propane association recommends that…Copy !req
247. It'll be fine, Bill.Copy !req
248. Burn is burn.Copy !req
249. "Burn is burn."Copy !req
250. I got to remember that.Copy !req
251. No, no. I'm telling you, that's dangerous.Copy !req
252. Propane is what I know best.Copy !req
253. Well, it sure ain't lawns.Copy !req
254. Yeah, man, you're dang sure
right about that, yo.Copy !req
255. Hey, guys, I kind of got
to talk to Dale alone.Copy !req
256. Hank, I was just telling
the guys about Stonehenge.Copy !req
257. It seems the druids used it
as some kind of sophisticated celestial…Copy !req
258. Uh, Dale, I didn't come here to…Copy !req
259. Oh, no. For once you will hear me out.Copy !req
260. Calendar.Copy !req
261. Now, what can I do for you?Copy !req
262. You can save my lawn.Copy !req
263. Those fire ants are out of control.Copy !req
264. Dale, you're the only one who can help me.Copy !req
265. That's right. I am.Copy !req
266. The question is, why should I?Copy !req
267. Well, I'll give you two dollars.Copy !req
268. Ha! Two dollars.Copy !req
269. Because you're my friend.Copy !req
270. Ooh, I'm Hank's "Friend."Copy !req
271. Tie a ribbon around me.Copy !req
272. Because I'm coming to you, man to manCopy !req
273. offering a genuine apology
for choosing my lawn over our friendship.Copy !req
274. Geez, Hank, I was just
holding out for $2.50.Copy !req
275. Hey, what's that? What are you spraying?Copy !req
276. There won't be bleaching, will there?Copy !req
277. Hell, no.Copy !req
278. Uh… I'd put that mask back on
if I were you.Copy !req
279. You should have come to me sooner.Copy !req
280. I got to pull out the big gunCopy !req
281. dioxaphilaphide 6,000 with techroline.Copy !req
282. And don't forget,
it is cuatro de mayo.Copy !req
283. That's right, brother.Copy !req
284. That's right man.Copy !req
285. It's not fair.Copy !req
286. She was so youngCopy !req
287. and green.Copy !req
288. I never even got a chance to mow her.Copy !req
289. Oh, it'll be okay, Hank.Copy !req
290. You will grow a new lawn
by next year's Cinco de mayo.Copy !req
291. Uh-uh. I can't go through this again.Copy !req
292. From now on, wood chips and gravel.Copy !req
293. Now, you do not mean that.Copy !req
294. Ashes to ashes, man.Copy !req
295. That dang ol' ashes to ashes.Copy !req
296. I only used as much poison as necessary
and not a 55-gallon drum more.Copy !req
297. Poor Hank.Copy !req
298. - Serves him right.
- Darn straight.Copy !req
299. Yeah, yeah, does.Copy !req
300. - Mm-hmm.
- You know, where I come fromCopy !req
301. we got a thing called karma.Copy !req
302. You do something bad,Copy !req
303. it come back and bite you in the ass!Copy !req
304. Big, white stubborn ass.Copy !req
305. Uh, guys, I can hear you.Copy !req
306. Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
307. Buckley wants to bring his.38Copy !req
308. to shoot off at the block party,Copy !req
309. but Uncle Hank said nothing
bigger than a.22.Copy !req
310. Well, now, he is
the block captain, Luanne.Copy !req
311. Now, I coat the churrosCopy !req
312. with azucar or sugar.Copy !req
313. Well, how very odd.Copy !req
314. Now what the heck was that?Copy !req
315. Feast, my queen, feast.Copy !req
316. I just hope Hank doesn't blame Dale
for what happened.Copy !req
317. Oh, no, Nancy.Copy !req
318. He knows Dale was only doing his job.Copy !req
319. That's it. He gave him a 50-cent raise.Copy !req
320. Oh, sugar.Copy !req
321. We're out of sugar, shug.Copy !req
322. You know, I think there's some
more in the basement.Copy !req
323. Oh, no, I'll go get it.Copy !req
324. Dale?Copy !req
325. Mm.Copy !req
326. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
327. Hey, Peggy.Copy !req
328. How could you do it?Copy !req
329. How could you plant fire ants on our lawn?Copy !req
330. Uh, I'm denying that. That's my position.Copy !req
331. Dale, you wrote it on this mapCopy !req
332. 3:00 AM, planted ants.Copy !req
333. If all you're going on
is my confession, forget it.Copy !req
334. I'm simply not credible.Copy !req
335. Well, then, what on God's green earth
are you doing with all these fire ants?Copy !req
336. Uh… they're silkworms.Copy !req
337. Uh-huh.Copy !req
338. If you keep your mouth shut,
I'll make you a business suit.Copy !req
339. No. I cannot allow you
to leave the safety of the bowl.Copy !req
340. It is too dangerous out there.Copy !req
341. Forgive me, my queen.Copy !req
342. I spoke out of turn.Copy !req
343. Yes, your majesty,
I will tell my people about you.Copy !req
344. And may I be so bold as to ask you
to tell your subjects about…Copy !req
345. Uh-oh.Copy !req
346. I'm telling you, Hank, it is Dale
with those fire ants…Copy !req
347. Dale!Copy !req
348. Oh, man.Copy !req
349. Dale, you went too far this time.Copy !req
350. Come back here.Copy !req
351. - Come here! I'm going to kick your ass.
- No!Copy !req
352. - No.
- I'm going to kick it harderCopy !req
353. if you don't come over here.Copy !req
354. You shouldn't have fired me!Copy !req
355. You know what I'm like!Copy !req
356. I'm capable of any crazy thing!Copy !req
357. But my lawn, Dale?Copy !req
358. You don't mess with a man's lawn!Copy !req
359. I had no choice!Copy !req
360. I tried planting the ants in your driveway
but they didn't take.Copy !req
361. They couldn't bite through cement.Copy !req
362. They're weak, like me!Copy !req
363. Um, Dad…Copy !req
364. Not now, Bobby,
I'm in the middle of something.Copy !req
365. This really can't wait.Copy !req
366. Aah, Bobby, what are you doing?Copy !req
367. Take 'em off.Copy !req
368. Bobby, don't move a muscle.Copy !req
369. What?Copy !req
370. Listen to him, Bobby.Copy !req
371. If you move,
they're all gonna sting at once.Copy !req
372. Take my hand, Bobby.Copy !req
373. The ants will swarm on me.Copy !req
374. What if they don't?Copy !req
375. Oh, they will.Copy !req
376. They've been waiting to get
a piece of me for 15 years.Copy !req
377. Come and get it, boys.Copy !req
378. Youch.Copy !req
379. D-Dale?Copy !req
380. Mr. Gribble?Copy !req
381. Dale, no!Copy !req
382. Oh.Copy !req
383. Oh, God.Copy !req
384. You sacrificed your life to save my son.Copy !req
385. I guess that makes us even
for you ruining my lawn.Copy !req
386. What am I saying?
Of course it makes us even.Copy !req
387. While I was blacked out,
was anything inserted into me?Copy !req
388. You're alive?Copy !req
389. Answer the question.Copy !req
390. And it's on the green.Copy !req
391. Beautiful.Copy !req
392. It's on the green.Copy !req
393. So green and soothing.Copy !req
394. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
395. Come join the block party.Copy !req
396. How about at least one margarrrrita
before Bill finishes them all.Copy !req
397. It's not… Margarrrrita.Copy !req
398. Okay. It's margarita.Copy !req
399. Oh, Hank. Hank, come quick.Copy !req
400. Well, I'll be.Copy !req
401. Here, Hank.Copy !req
402. I've been saving this for someone special.Copy !req
403. But I guess she's never coming back.Copy !req
404. Try and make lawn nice, neighbor.Copy !req
405. Organically grown. No chemicals.Copy !req
406. I killed all the bugs with my fingers.Copy !req
407. Whoo-ee, man.Copy !req
408. That dang ol' Hank, man.Copy !req
409. Everybody's best friend, man.
Richest man in the world.Copy !req
410. Just like the dang old, jimmy… Yo.Copy !req
411. Well, this is a very friendly gesture.Copy !req
412. I-I-I like you all a whole lot.Copy !req
413. If any of you weren't here,Copy !req
414. I'd miss you some.Copy !req
415. I especially want to thank Dale Gribble.Copy !req
416. Without his paranoid,
and… well, hateful nature,Copy !req
417. I never would've learnedCopy !req
418. what kind of beating
a friendship can survive.Copy !req
419. You're my best friend, Dale.Copy !req
420. Oh, I thought
I was your best friend, Hank.Copy !req
421. Yeah, well…Copy !req