1. So, you three are
the only heirs of Cotton Hill?
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2. Yes. I am Junichiro,
and these are my brothers,
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3. Good Hank and Hank.
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4. Good Hank? So, is he Bad Hank?
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5. Just Hank, and they're my half-brothers.
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6. Okay, well, our firm handled
the Shin Jelly class action suit.
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7. We have a $5,000 payout for you three.
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8. It was sold with the promise
that it would help grow shins back,
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9. but it was only lotion and hot sauce.
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10. I rubbed that gunk
into his stumps every night.
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11. We thought the burning
meant it was working.
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12. I told Cotton it was
a complete waste of money,
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13. and then he told me I was
a complete waste of money.
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14. Where's this elevator coming from? Hell?
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15. Have you thought about how you want
to spend your part of the settlement?
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16. G.H., did you hear your mother
ask you a question?
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17. He's always ignoring me,
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18. locked in his room on his computer.
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19. He needs a positive
male influence in his life.
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20. Well, he's got $1,000 now!
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21. - How did it go, Hank?
- I'll tell you in the car.
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22. - Keep walkin'. Don't look back.
Hank, please!
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23. Can G.H. stay with you
for a little while over summer break?
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24. - Just think about it!
- What is this?
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25. Didi is asking me to spend time with G.H.
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26. Do you not want to, honey?
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27. He's a teenager.
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28. I wanna spend my retired years
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29. with people who remember
when quarterbacks stayed in the pocket.
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30. Hank, do not look at Good Hank as a teen.
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31. Honey, he is your brother.
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32. Fine,
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33. but if he's my brother,
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34. she's your mother-in-law.
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35. No, she—
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36. Ugh...
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37. Oh, I'm so sorry, Mom!
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38. I totally meant to call you back
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39. and tell you that
I couldn't make it today.
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40. We're behind in prepping
for the Dallas Foodie Week.
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41. That is apparently this week!
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42. And not next week!
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43. I got the month right.
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44. In short, Mom, no pickleball.
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45. - But, next week's wide open?
- No, no, no, no!
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46. Dammit! We need a better system!
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47. Love you! Miss you—
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48. - Oh, he hung up.
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49. How are we supposed to play
with an odd number? Hm, Peggy Hill?
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50. Since your son abandoned you again.
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51. I am sure you two know how it is,
now that our kids are grown.
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52. They just do not have time
for their parents.
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53. Connie and I talk all the time.
She loves me!
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54. Really? That must be
because she is a girl.
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55. Joseph needs me every day.
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56. But, that may be because he's a Joseph.
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57. - Dink!
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58. Hoyeah!
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59. It's not fair.
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60. Your hips are so wide, Peggy Hill.
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61. You cover more space.
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62. Ah! Sonovabitch!
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63. - Damn, Peggy Hill.
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64. Your knee looks like a baboon butt.
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65. Oh, Sug, you're gonna
need to see a doctor.
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66. Oh! I am fine.
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67. - Ow!
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68. O-Okay. Maybe you're right.
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69. Do either of you know of
an orthopedic I can go to?
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70. Well, I do,
but they're all the way in Dallas.
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71. That's fine.
Can either of you give me a ride?
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72. Hell no! Too far! You have a son.
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73. - Use it.
- Oh, yeah.
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74. Bobby is in Dallas.
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75. I can't believe I used to be worried
about Bobby and his prop comedy.
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76. G.H. is even worse!
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77. He just spends a lot of time
in that room by himself.
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78. Oh, he's probably, you know,
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79. shakin' hands with the milkman.
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80. - Yep.
Damn straight, man.
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81. That's not something
Hill men do, Bill.
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82. I didn't at his age.
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83. I did! Some of the ladies
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84. in that Zapruder film were very shapely.
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85. - Gah!
- It's all fake anyway.
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86. When you take me home afterward,
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87. I insist on making you
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88. Spa-Peggy and meatballs for dinner
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89. as a way of saying thank you.
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90. I made a secret change to the recipe.
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91. Instead of just adding
the right amount of sugar,
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92. I add the perfect amount of sugar.
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93. That sounds really nice, Mom,
but I need to get back to the restaurant.
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94. I was gonna have Joseph
drive you back to Arlen
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95. after the MRI.
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96. - Oh. Joseph.
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97. Yeah, he wouldn't mind.
He wants to see his mom anyway.
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98. Oh! Yes, of course, honey.
You get back to the restaurant.
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99. That is priority numéro uno.
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100. It's just that Emilio is texting me
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101. with four exclamation points,
and I don't know what that is!
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102. - I'm gonna send him four question marks!
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103. It's, um...
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104. What you're doin' all the time, uh...
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105. it's natural, but it's setting up
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106. unrealistic expectations.
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107. Most repairmen won't accept payment
in anything other than cash or—
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108. It's not porn! I'm looking into
personal development opportunities.
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109. Okay, well, let's see then.
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110. - [♪ metal music playing]
- Hey, man, if you're watching this,
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111. you're probably feeling
purposeless and weak,
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112. like you're wading in a pit of crap.
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113. That's because you've lost track
of the Four F-Bombs.
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114. Family, faith,
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115. - finances, and fitness.
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116. - Don't worry, we've all been there.
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117. Over the course of one weekend,
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118. I can give you the tools
to build up your F-Bombs.
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119. But only those committed and relentless
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120. can crawl outta that crappy pit...
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121. - ManMade.
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122. This looks like some good
old-fashioned character building.
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123. Eli's the GOAT.
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124. He has a two-day "Boot Camp-inar"
coming to Arlen tomorrow.
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125. I was gonna go with my settlement money,
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126. but boys under 18 can't go
without an adult male "mantor."
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127. I tell you what, G.H.,
I'll be your "man-tor,"
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128. although I don't see how
that's better than mentor,
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129. but I'll also even pay for it,
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130. as long as you complete all the F-Bombs.
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131. Sick!
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132. Not the best start.
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133. So, you are going to slide me
into this narrow pipe,
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134. magnetize my organs—
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135. Just relax, Mrs. Hill, and this will
all be over before you know it,
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136. - and your son can get you back to Arlen.
- Okay, got it.
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137. - Oh...
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138. - Mrs. Hill.
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139. - Get me... Dammit.
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140. Get me out! Call my son!
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141. Or text him! It is what he prefers!
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142. Just take slow, deep breaths.
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143. Mrs. Hill, calm down.
You're having a panic attack.
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144. Oh, I do not know what that was,
but I assure you,
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145. I am much too strong
for it to have been a panic attack.
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146. Maybe we reschedule you for tomorrow.
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147. Fine. If you insist.
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148. I hope your machine is fixed by then.
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149. Don't worry, Mom.
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150. Staying here makes more sense
than you going back to Arlen,
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151. just to come back tomorrow for your MRI.
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152. Make yourself at home.
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153. I gotta work on some sauces
for Dallas Foodie Week,
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154. so I'll be in the kitchen,
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155. emulsifying all night.
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156. Yes, that is as sexy as it sounds.
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157. Don't you mind me at all.
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158. I will be out of your way.
Just point me to the TV remote,
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159. and you go get saucy.
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160. Here you go, Mrs. Hill.
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161. Joseph, what is that?
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162. Oh! That's Lead Dead Redemption,
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163. the apartment pencil fight champ.
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164. Bobby got tired of losing,
so I retired it.
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165. So, what is this pencil fighting?
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166. A guy holds his pencil
with both hands, like this,
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167. and another guy uses his own pencil
to try and break it.
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168. Would a pencil like this work?
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169. The only rule is
it has to be a wood pencil,
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170. but... it takes years of
practice and training
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171. to get the technique just right.
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172. Especially if you're gonna take on
Lead Dead Redemption.
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173. You hold it... something like this?
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174. Uh, you'll never get enough
force holding it like that—
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175. Hoyeah!
- Ah!
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176. - Lead Dead!
What?
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177. Of course I know
what pencil fighting is!
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178. I was a substitute detention teacher
for years.
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179. I will call her "Leadward Scissorhands."
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180. - And now, she's the champ here.
Hold up!
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181. She has to defend her title!
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182. Hoyeah!
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183. Who's your mama?
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184. Hoyeah!
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185. You just got Pegged.
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186. - Huh?
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187. - Dude, yes! Yeah!
- Woo-hoo! Yeah, Mom!
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188. Excuse me!
A light breeze blew off my ascot.
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189. Did any of you see it?
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190. No. This is a gathering for men!
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191. Sick!
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192. - But, wait.
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193. We must help our weak,
pathetic, emasculated brother
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194. because that's what men do!
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195. Do you know the Four F-Bombs?
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196. Family, faith, fitness...
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197. Damn! What's the last one?
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198. Hello! Oh, yeah!
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199. Finances!
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200. That's clever, see? Because money talks.
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201. Over the next two days,
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202. you can expect to build up
your entrepreneurship,
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203. self-confidence, leadership skills,
and brotherhood.
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204. Well, this sounds like it's gonna be
a very pleasant experience.
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205. - [♪ dramatic music playing]
- I am a man!
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206. I'm a man!
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207. If you aren't, you can ring
the Bell of Defeat and go home!
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208. - Keep that head up, bro.
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209. Let's go!
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210. I'm so glad we're here.
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211. Yeah.
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212. Let's freaking go!
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213. Most of us are in financial trouble
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214. from either working under a female,
or a beta,
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215. instead of investing
and starting our own businesses.
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216. Working under another man... sounds sus.
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217. - Oh, yeah.
- That's what I've been saying.
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218. Hang on there.
I worked for Buck Strickland
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219. of Strickland Propane for nearly 30 years.
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220. And trust me, Buck was no "beta."
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221. Sure, buddy.
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222. You're all broke, but I can fix that.
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223. Today, we're learning how to grind.
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224. You have an hour to pitch products
and/or services
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225. to each other and flip those $5 into 20.
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226. Let's see who's got that dog in 'em!
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227. Uh... Alright.
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228. You look like the kind of man
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229. that appreciates propane
and propane accessories.
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230. I sell solar panels.
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231. - You game?
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232. Yeah.
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233. I'll teach you to get
rare Valorant skins for... 2.50.
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234. - Keep talking.
- 2.50 for the skins?
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235. Not bad. How much is the meat?
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236. Dr. Johnson to PEDs two.
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237. Dr. Alexander! Can you hold it, please?
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238. I know yesterday was not my best day,
but today,
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239. Peggy Hill is gonna
make it though her MRI.
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240. And you can count on that, Doc.
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241. Sure.
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242. Oh!
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243. Mrs. Hill, your behavior indicates
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244. - you are having another panic attack.
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245. Of course, I am!
Will you people back the up?
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246. - And call my son to come get me
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247. and take me back to his place!
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248. We're going to have
to reschedule you for tomorrow.
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249. Do not just stand there.
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250. - Gimme a Xanax!
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251. Diabetes!
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252. - Let's go!
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253. Defeat your demons, like men!
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254. - Man up!
- Come on, let's go! Be a man!
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255. Gotdangit!
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256. Come on, G.H., we can finish this.
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257. No, I can't!
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258. I'm just another weak loser
destined for cucktitude.
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259. Those words, whatever they mean,
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260. have never described a Hill!
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261. Okay.
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262. - Come on! Come on!
- Let's go!
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263. - Go, go, go, go!
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264. Great job, dude!
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265. None for me, thanks.
I have a wife for that.
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266. These are the Nads of Truth.
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267. While your brother is holding these balls,
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268. the rest of us will listen
to what he has to say and support him.
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269. Feel free to share any and all obstacles
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270. that you feel are holding
you back as a man.
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271. I'm too short!
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272. And who tells you you're too short?
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273. Every woman on Bumble.
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274. I don't make enough money.
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275. And who says you don't make enough money?
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276. My ex-wife.
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277. Hm, another female.
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278. Nobody gets my jokes.
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279. - And who doesn't get your jokes?
- Everyone.
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280. And who is slightly more
than half of everyone?
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281. Females!
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282. Fellas, I don't think all women—
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283. Ah, ah, ah! G.H. has the Nads.
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284. Go ahead, brother.
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285. Brothers,
I've been struggling a lot recently.
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286. Mostly because this girl I really like
put me in the friend zone
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287. before I got a chance to ask her out.
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288. That's bullshit!
- Ugh!
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289. Now, hold on—
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290. See? Nobody ever gets my jokes!
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291. - Now, G.H., I tell you what—
Nads!
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292. Just because a girl
wants to be your friend
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293. doesn't mean she's a bad person.
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294. - Nads.
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295. But do friends stay up late,
laughing on the phone together?
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296. Or talk about problems
we have with our parents?
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297. - That sounds like a pretty good friend—
She was leading me on!
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298. Eli's right. Females are the problem!
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299. If she just wants to be your friend,
that's her choice,
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300. and you need to respect her decision.
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301. What's the problem with
respecting her decision?
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302. That's the foundation
for a good relationship.
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303. Yeah, if you're a spineless,
dick-less jellyfish.
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304. Actually, I think jellyfish—
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305. Remember we talked about
which animals have dicks?
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306. I think all of you
need a lesson on chivalry.
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307. - You're a beta!
- Jellyfish!
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308. Alright, Nad Talk over.
Don't listen to 'em, G.H.
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309. Why would I listen to you?
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310. Because I'm almost certain
that I'm the only one here
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311. who still has a wife.
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312. Shut up! You ain't my daddy!
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313. You're just a weak sissy with a fat neck!
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314. A stupid soy-boy!
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315. And that better be sweat
comin' out of your eyeballs, boy!
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316. After droppin' that pass,
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317. you deserved all the name-callin'
from the other team!
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318. The names you called me were worse.
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319. Well, that's 'cause you're weak.
I blame your mama.
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320. Hell, after raising you up to be a sissy,
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321. she deserves name-callin', too!
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322. With a mediocre-lookin' wife!
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323. - Bwah!
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324. I have a fresh box of number twos.
Who's ready to dance?
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325. Sorry, Mom.
I've got to approve our final menu
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326. and finish these flyers
for Dallas Foodie Week.
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327. I'm even more behind
because of last night.
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328. Joseph?
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329. Baby weight don't scare me, girl.
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330. Oh, come on, Bobby,
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331. you can take just a little break.
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332. Dang it!
I missed a call from my shrimp guy!
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333. It's okay, I got it!
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334. - [♪ dramatic music plays]
- Hm...
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335. Let me just get on my back
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336. and scooch backwards
with my arms to my sides...
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337. Oh, Mom? That's a tight spot.
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338. You're gonna have another...
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339. Would you look at that.
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340. - Got it!
- [♪ upbeat guitar music plays]
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341. Eli! We need to speak to you
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342. about what happened yesterday, men-to-man.
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343. Of course.
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344. I've been thinking a lot
about yesterday as well.
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345. G.H., I may have led you astray.
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346. Well, I'm glad you said that,
Eli, because—
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347. Instead of allowing yourself
to live in the friend zone,
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348. like your simping beta brother suggested,
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349. you should ask out
all of that girl's friends
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350. to make her jealous.
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351. Then, she'll perceive you
as having higher value.
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352. And then I get to date her?
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353. No, no, little man.
She gets to think she's dating you.
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354. You'll actually be clapping her friends.
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355. Clapping her what?
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356. No, we've heard enough.
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357. G.H. and I are done.
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358. Come on G.H., ring the bell.
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359. Now, I don't expect a full refund,
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360. but you can write me a prorated check
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361. for the remainder of the Boot Camp-inar.
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362. Bro's givin' up, but I'm not.
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363. Only simps give up.
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364. Also, all sales are final.
I cashed your check.
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365. Hello, Dale. Uh,
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366. - how do I find out about a person?
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367. I knew this day would come.
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368. It's about time you found out
what your wife was up to.
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369. What? Dammit, Dale.
I'm talkin' about a stranger.
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370. No one's a stranger to me, Hank!
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371. I know everything about everyone.
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372. Well, do you know anything
about a jerk named Eli Selwick?
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373. He runs somethin' called
the ManMade Boot Camp-inar.
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374. - Who?
- Just get me all the info you can on him.
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375. And destroy all the information on Peggy.
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376. Okay. Shredding it now.
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377. Ah, my hand!
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378. Okay. It's nothing.
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379. It's not a big deal.
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380. Just like going down
a tube slide as a kid.
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381. - A really slow, tight,
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382. loud tube slide.
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383. Hi, Mrs. Hill.
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384. This is completely against protocol,
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385. but someone wants to talk to you.
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386. - Hey, Mom.
- Bobby?
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387. Yep. Just wanted to tell you,
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388. we're gonna start a new promotion
at the restaurant.
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389. We're having mother-son lunches
every Tuesday
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390. with a themed menu, inspired by
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391. your cookin'.
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392. - [♪ gentle music playing]
- Would you wanna come up once a week
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393. - and check it out?
- I would love that, Bobby.
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394. Now, honey,
please let the doctor do her job.
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395. Sorry, Dr. Alexander! He's an only child.
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396. They are very entitled.
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397. Time to get this over with.
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398. You figured out the panic attacks
were psychosomatic?
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399. Nice. You're a good son.
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400. Her knee will be fine.
However, I can't help but notice
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401. there's some scar tissue
in her groin area.
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402. Like she was kicked by
a 12-year-old some time ago.
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403. You can tell
it was a 12-year-old?
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404. And that's why it's important
for you to retain your semen.
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405. Uh, gentlemen?
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406. I noticed a common thread in your stories.
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407. You all have been hurt
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408. or shunned by women or girls,
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409. which got me thinkin'
that maybe your fearless leader,
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410. - Eli here, has been, too.
- Who hasn't?
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411. - Eli, you'll see I have the Nads of Truth.
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412. Now, I looked into Eli,
and I had a talk with his ex-girlfriend.
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413. What did that bitch have to say?
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414. - Do these mean nothing to you?
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415. Now, she had a lot of
interesting things to say.
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416. The most interesting being
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417. that you don't own ManMade.
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418. - Your mother does.
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419. Elias Selwick, dammit,
if you would've told me
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420. you were spreadin' bile
with this venture...
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421. You really paid for everything?
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422. Of course, I did.
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423. I hoped this camp would help him open up
and make some friends
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424. now that his adult braces are off.
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425. Mom! Stop talking!
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426. So a family member gave me
an initial investment of 50 grand.
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427. That's what every businessman gets.
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428. You need to update
the ManMade curriculum immediately,
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429. or I will be withdrawing my investment.
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430. See, brothers?
This is exactly what I'm talking about,
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431. females causing our problems.
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432. Speak for yourself, Eli.
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433. My wife, mother,
and our propane delivery woman
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434. have supported me through just about
every crisis I can think of.
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435. And if we aren't gettin' support
from those women in our lives,
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436. it's because we haven't earned it.
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437. That's the lesson this camp should teach.
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438. - Nads.
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439. Hey, King, you know
your dating profile says you're 6'2".
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440. You can't blame women
for being disappointed
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441. when they meet you and see you're 5'4".
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442. Yeah, you might be right about that.
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443. And, brother, with respect,
maybe the real reason you're broke
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444. is that you spend the alimony money
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445. your ex-wife pays you on swords.
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446. I needed some of 'em! But, not all of 'em.
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447. To be fair, my jokes are
flagrantly misogynistic.
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448. Ah, geez. Yeah, that guy's got a point.
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449. Ring that bell,
and you'll be a Broke Boy Ambassador
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450. - for the rest of your life!
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451. Oh! Of course
Mr. Gets-No-Bitches is tapping out.
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452. That's the only thing
he's tapped in his life!
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453. Mikey, don't you dare.
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454. If you ring that bell, I'll... I-I'll...
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455. I'll actually be really hurt.
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456. We started this together, man!
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457. Yeah, whatever, Friend-Zoned Freddy.
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458. You should probably ask your mom
to buy you a shirt
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459. that's not suffocating your nips.
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460. They're screaming for help, bro.
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461. - [♪ soft music playing]
- Let's go home now.
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462. That's a good idea.
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463. We should do something nice
for our bitches.
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464. Yeah, I think we have
a little more work to do.
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465. - Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
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466. - Hello, Didi.
- Hi, Hank.
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467. Mom.
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468. Good Hank.
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469. Well, the boy still ain't quite right,
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470. but at least he's showin'
his mother some respect.
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471. Go fetch your things.
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472. What's this piece of crap?
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473. Well, this here is G.H.'s first bit
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474. of freedom and responsibility.
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475. We used the settlement money
to buy G.H.'s first car.
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476. - Sorta looks like it has herpes.
- Yeah, well,
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477. this car's gonna be a long-term project
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478. that G.H. and I can work on
together whenever he wants.
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479. I'd like to continue to
help him on his journey.
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480. Catch you later, big bro.
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481. Hank is fine.
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482. I hear you're back on the market.
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483. I can provide and cook pretty well.
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484. Why don't I send you a resume?
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485. I, uh, can't read?
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486. That's no problem!
I can help you sound it out!
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487. - Oh, man.
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488. Dang ol' brutal, man.
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489. You can only hold him for a second!
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490. I gotta stay alive so Good Hank
doesn't come out as terrible as you did.
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491. Too bad, old man.
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492. Ah, my hand!
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