1. I've been tellin' everyone I knowCopy !req
2. Robata Chane is the place to go.Copy !req
3. I knew there was a reason
you were my favorite customer.Copy !req
4. Last time the Germans
and Japanese teamed up,Copy !req
5. I wasn't a fan, but this is delicious.Copy !req
6. I call it the Axis of Flavor.Copy !req
7. Hold up. Who's burning toast?Copy !req
8. Not me. Just meat.Copy !req
9. Huh? Weirdest thing.Copy !req
10. I've been smellin' burnt toast all week.Copy !req
11. - You should get that checked out.Copy !req
12. They say that's a sign of—Copy !req
13. Nah, I'm sure it's nothin'.Copy !req
14. He was the same age as my dad.Copy !req
15. "Peter enjoyed watching football,
grilling steaks,Copy !req
16. and mowing his prized lawn?"Copy !req
17. I think he was my dad.Copy !req
18. Thanks for lettin' me come.Copy !req
19. I love the pageantry of funerals.Copy !req
20. Last time I saw my dad,Copy !req
21. we were enjoying a beer
in the alley behind his house.Copy !req
22. Uncanny.Copy !req
23. But when I get too down,Copy !req
24. I remember my father didn't suffer.Copy !req
25. He died eating at his favorite restaurant.Copy !req
26. He loved Bobby's food.Copy !req
27. He hadn't eaten yet.Copy !req
28. I just mean it wasn't
the food that, you know...Copy !req
29. - He didn't have any regrets.Copy !req
30. But I do.Copy !req
31. I wish I'd shown him
how much I appreciated him.Copy !req
32. I wish I'd been sitting next to him
as he took his final breathCopy !req
33. during Robata Chane's lunch special.Copy !req
34. - [♪ dramatic organ music playing]
- I swear, we didn't kill him!Copy !req
35. Good. You are both sitting down.Copy !req
36. The Lion's Club canceled
their spaghetti dinnerCopy !req
37. due to "lack of interest."Copy !req
38. So, I'm going to assume
you are still processing this travesty.Copy !req
39. If I wanted to eat bland food
with bland people,Copy !req
40. - I'd go to your house.Copy !req
41. Ooh, that must be my dish soap!Copy !req
42. You ordered dish soap online?Copy !req
43. Why not go to the drug store
on the corner?Copy !req
44. It shut down last year.Copy !req
45. Too many teen moms stealing diapers.Copy !req
46. It's not my package.Copy !req
47. Just some man with a clipboard.Copy !req
48. Don't answer! Looks like he wants to talk.Copy !req
49. Ugh, those are the worst.Copy !req
50. You are right.Copy !req
51. I should post this and warn everyone.Copy !req
52. That's 15 strange people
spotted just this week.Copy !req
53. Half of 'em were Dale,
but, you know, still...Copy !req
54. Where are you even hearing about all this?Copy !req
55. Neighbors App, obviously.Copy !req
56. You don't have a Ring camera, Peggy Hill?Copy !req
57. No. We have a doorbell.Copy !req
58. That rings.Copy !req
59. Turns out, I was buying
"dense shade" grass seedCopy !req
60. when I should have been
buying "sun and shade" seed.Copy !req
61. Oh. Huh. Still starin' at the phone.Copy !req
62. You feelin' alright?Copy !req
63. It is not me that is sick, Hank.Copy !req
64. It is Arlen, Texas.Copy !req
65. This doorbell app has
turned all of our neighborsCopy !req
66. into fear-mongers and gossips!Copy !req
67. Why would a doorbell need an app?Copy !req
68. No one in Arlen even
wants to open their doorCopy !req
69. to see another human being face-to-face!Copy !req
70. We did not evolve from caves
to hide behind screens, Hank!Copy !req
71. You know, you've got real
opinions on this, Peggy.Copy !req
72. How about while I re-seed the lawn,Copy !req
73. you write this as one
of your classic "musings"?Copy !req
74. And send it to whom?
The Pennysaver shut down.Copy !req
75. You could post it online?Copy !req
76. That would be the height of hypocrisy.Copy !req
77. We need a place to gather face-to-face.
A community, Hank.Copy !req
78. I don't see the problem.Copy !req
79. My friends gather face-to-face
in the alley all the time.Copy !req
80. Ah...Copy !req
81. Hm...Copy !req
82. Nope. This is all we're doing?Copy !req
83. Standing in the sun like a tree?Copy !req
84. There's a bug in my wine.Copy !req
85. - I said no phones!Copy !req
86. Any burning, stinging, or itching?Copy !req
87. Are you using me as a test rabbit?Copy !req
88. Well, I can't use real rabbits.
That would be cruel.Copy !req
89. Oh, right, right.Copy !req
90. Dang! Cowboy tickets for my dad
are $300. Each!Copy !req
91. Can I sell my bone marrow? Do I need that?Copy !req
92. Just talk to your dad.Copy !req
93. But I won't have to say anything
if I can show him I love him.Copy !req
94. Hm... I know the guy that runs
the Cowboys Fantasy Camp.Copy !req
95. Do you think your dad would be into that?Copy !req
96. Are you kidding?
I found the first chapter of a novelCopy !req
97. - he wrote about Tony Romo.Copy !req
98. He solved mysteries
and had a dog that knew karate.Copy !req
99. You know,Copy !req
100. one could make a case
that I was saving youCopy !req
101. from your screen addiction.Copy !req
102. I will still pay for it.Copy !req
103. Nancy, would you read a bookCopy !req
104. that is not on a device?Copy !req
105. Peggy, if you break my iPad, too,Copy !req
106. I will smother you in your sleep.Copy !req
107. You were right, Hank.
Creating a book nookCopy !req
108. to bring people together was a great idea.Copy !req
109. It was your idea.Copy !req
110. Well, then we agree.Copy !req
111. Remember this moment, Hank.Copy !req
112. It is when community and enlightenmentCopy !req
113. landed on Rainey Street.Copy !req
114. Britney Spears, huh?Copy !req
115. Well, we better get cleaned up.Copy !req
116. Bobby wants to bring that
new girl over for dinner.Copy !req
117. The vay-gan? Wh-What the hell
am I supposed to feed her?Copy !req
118. Can't we just put some grass in a bowl?Copy !req
119. Ugh! I had to drive all the way
to the Mega Lo Fresh,Copy !req
120. but I think she will appreciate my effort.Copy !req
121. You know, her ways may
seem strange to us, Hank,Copy !req
122. but it's important we respect her culture.Copy !req
123. "Weird" isn't a culture.Copy !req
124. - I don't have to respect "weird."Copy !req
125. They're here! Quick, Hank.Copy !req
126. Take off your belt. It's real leather.Copy !req
127. How am I gonna keep my pants up?Copy !req
128. I will give you a rope.Copy !req
129. If you give me a rope
and make me eat vegan food,Copy !req
130. you know what I'm gonna use that rope for.Copy !req
131. So, this one is meat,
and this one is vay-gan.Copy !req
132. But, it is supposed to
taste just like meat.Copy !req
133. Are you sure you didn't get 'em mixed up?Copy !req
134. I want the one that was
assigned meat at birth.Copy !req
135. Oh, my God. Peggy! This is so good!Copy !req
136. You really should try it, Hank.Copy !req
137. You're welcome to call us
Mr. and Mrs. Hill.Copy !req
138. Got it. Here you go, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
139. - [♪ dark, dramatic music playing]
- The best, right?Copy !req
140. I guess the right chef
can make anything taste good.Copy !req
141. So, Bobby says you make skin balm?Copy !req
142. I use recycled organic matter,Copy !req
143. so technically Mother Nature makes it.Copy !req
144. I bring the marketing.
It'll help your puffy eye bags.Copy !req
145. My what?Copy !req
146. I use Willow's balm all the time, Dad.Copy !req
147. Feel my face. Like a baby.Copy !req
148. That is not something
to be proud of, Bobby.Copy !req
149. You are not a baby.Copy !req
150. I know. Could a baby get you... this?Copy !req
151. - [♪ magical music playing]
- Next weekend, you and me,Copy !req
152. we're gonna toss the old pigskinCopy !req
153. at Cowboys Fantasy Camp!Copy !req
154. Bobby, this...Copy !req
155. What's wrong, Dad?Copy !req
156. This isn't some ashtray
you made in art classCopy !req
157. that I have to pretend to like.Copy !req
158. This is... the Cowboys.Copy !req
159. Are you ready to make some memories, Dad?Copy !req
160. You, me,Copy !req
161. Tom Landry's ghost.Copy !req
162. I'm gonna stop myselfCopy !req
163. before I get more emotional
in front of a stranger,Copy !req
164. but I can't wait, Bobby.Copy !req
165. We are gonna have so much fun.Copy !req
166. - We?
- Surprise! I'm comin', too!Copy !req
167. Unless you don't want me to.Copy !req
168. Oh. No.
Of course, I want you there.Copy !req
169. Oh, good.Copy !req
170. 'Cause I don't wanna leave you
for even a minute.Copy !req
171. Ugh...Copy !req
172. Well, I'm not sayin' I'll be able
to keep up with the pros,Copy !req
173. but I think they'll appreciateCopy !req
174. that I can still spin the spud.Copy !req
175. You remember the "YoYo Sweep"
from high school?Copy !req
176. I'm gonna get a minute alone
with Jerry JonesCopy !req
177. to tell him about it.Copy !req
178. I think it'll do wonders for
the Cowboys' offensive playbook.Copy !req
179. Dang it. What's goin' on?Copy !req
180. Dang ol' next birthday, man.Copy !req
181. You know, talkin' 'bout
shoulda been us, man.Copy !req
182. Dang ol' ruined it, man.Copy !req
183. Trust me, I wish you were comingCopy !req
184. instead of Bobby's weird girlfriend,Copy !req
185. but at least I get to spend
some time with my son.Copy !req
186. I will forgive you, if...Copy !req
187. you bring me a lock of Trevon Diggs' hair.Copy !req
188. I'm not gonna do that, Dale.Copy !req
189. Noted.Copy !req
190. I don't mind that you're
goin' to Dallas, Hank.Copy !req
191. Well, I'm glad one of you has some sense.Copy !req
192. Someone needs to stay here
to support Peggy's new library.Copy !req
193. Must be hard to run somethin' like that.Copy !req
194. It's a converted birdhouse on a post.Copy !req
195. I think Peggy's got it, Bill.Copy !req
196. Yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
197. - [♪ music ends]Copy !req
198. You are still on my doo-doo list,Copy !req
199. but this is really somethin', Sug.Copy !req
200. Kind of a miracle.Copy !req
201. The last thing most of these rednecks read
was their court summons.Copy !req
202. And now, they're reading whole books!Copy !req
203. Let's not throw words around
like "miracle"Copy !req
204. or "hometown hero,"Copy !req
205. but thank you, Minh. I appreciate it.Copy !req
206. Welcome to Cowboys Fantasy Camp.Copy !req
207. Over the next two days,
you'll get to compete on the same field,Copy !req
208. have the same trainers,Copy !req
209. and maybe even get to use
the same MRI machineCopy !req
210. as the real Cowboys.Copy !req
211. We gonna get to meet Jerry Jones?Copy !req
212. I have a play I think he could use.Copy !req
213. Jerry, uh, keeps his distance
from the fans these days.Copy !req
214. That's his office up there.Copy !req
215. If you see a shadow, he's there.Copy !req
216. Oh. Appreciate it.Copy !req
217. This whole thing is somethin', isn't it?Copy !req
218. Sure is. I just hopeCopy !req
219. - these old knees can take it.
- I hear ya.Copy !req
220. When was the last time you played?
It was high school for me.Copy !req
221. Oh, I played last Saturday.Copy !req
222. It's the only way I can
keep up with my son.Copy !req
223. - He plays at Ole Miss right now.
- Division one, huh?Copy !req
224. Well, that's great.
I'm here with my son, too.Copy !req
225. He's a chef. And his, uh...Copy !req
226. Willow.Copy !req
227. - That.Copy !req
228. Don't worry.
They'll try to make all the teams even.Copy !req
229. They'll probably pair y'all up
with a really good team.Copy !req
230. I'm not into football,Copy !req
231. but I won tickets in a radio contest.Copy !req
232. My soon-to-be ex-husband
told me this was cowboy camp,Copy !req
233. like with horses and spurs.Copy !req
234. I did not. He just doesn't listen.Copy !req
235. My wife Martha and I have been
season ticket holdersCopy !req
236. since 1972!Copy !req
237. Is she here, too?Copy !req
238. Sure is.Copy !req
239. I know our team isn't what you expected,Copy !req
240. but we still got a shot.Copy !req
241. You know what, Bobby?Copy !req
242. - We're not gonna win, but that's okay.Copy !req
243. It is?Copy !req
244. Yeah. I'm in a Cowboys stadium,
puttin' my underwearCopy !req
245. in a locker that has my name on it.Copy !req
246. How could anything ruin this?Copy !req
247. Bwah!Copy !req
248. I saw you, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
249. The human body is
nothin' to be ashamed of.Copy !req
250. - Okay.
- Thank you.Copy !req
251. See that, Bill?Copy !req
252. Beautiful thing you're doin'.Copy !req
253. It's so nice to sit outside and read...Copy !req
254. and read.Copy !req
255. Are you enjoying 1984, Bill?Copy !req
256. Oh!Copy !req
257. Yes. Hell of a year!Copy !req
258. Tell me one thing that happens.Copy !req
259. Uh...Copy !req
260. What's that on your arm?Copy !req
261. Bill, stop changing the—Copy !req
262. Oh. Hm! I'm sure it's nothing.Copy !req
263. Well? Have you seen
anything like this before?Copy !req
264. Have I ever.Copy !req
265. Genus, bed. Phylum, bug.Copy !req
266. Wily creatures.Copy !req
267. The white whales of
the extermination community.Copy !req
268. Except worse, because whales
are much easier to kill.Copy !req
269. How can this be happening to me?Copy !req
270. Not just you. I've sprayed five homes
for bed bugs this week.Copy !req
271. The Johnsons, the Chous, the Garlands.Copy !req
272. Why do I recognize those names?Copy !req
273. Everyone who has bed bugs
borrowed from my book nook.Copy !req
274. That can only mean one thing.Copy !req
275. People with bed bugs love to read!Copy !req
276. Or your books infected them.Copy !req
277. How can you tell if they're infected?Copy !req
278. The little vampires
like to hide in the spines.Copy !req
279. Now, what you are about to
see is incredibly disturbing.Copy !req
280. - No, no, no!
- Huh?Copy !req
281. All I wanted to do was bring backCopy !req
282. old-fashioned neighborhood values.Copy !req
283. Is that so wrong?Copy !req
284. - It's a damn shame.
- What is?Copy !req
285. They'll blame the books.
They'll hate readingCopy !req
286. and the woman who made them hate reading,Copy !req
287. Peggy Hill.Copy !req
288. This has to go away quietly, Dale.Copy !req
289. No one can know it was me.Copy !req
290. Oh, I know how to fix your problem.Copy !req
291. I spray the rest of the houses
that brought home your buggy books.Copy !req
292. I make money, you get off scot-free.Copy !req
293. - Everybody wins.
- Except the bugs.Copy !req
294. The bugs die!Copy !req
295. I'm Micah Parsons,
but for the next two days,Copy !req
296. you can call me Coach.Copy !req
297. Where's Willow?Copy !req
298. Oh, she found a bird in the locker room
and had to herd it outside.Copy !req
299. Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?Copy !req
300. Uh, you can do cartwheels over there.Copy !req
301. You're up, Hills.Copy !req
302. - [♪ music swells, stops]Copy !req
303. Not bad, Bobby.
If you played like that in high school,Copy !req
304. we would've had somethin' to work with.Copy !req
305. I don't know. I just got lucky.Copy !req
306. Well done, Hill Boys.Copy !req
307. - Did you hear that?
- Sure did.Copy !req
308. Hill Boys! That's us!Copy !req
309. - Run!Copy !req
310. - Go, go, go, go, go!
- Yeah!Copy !req
311. How did a vegan learn to do that?Copy !req
312. - [♪ music fades out]
- Maybe she got lucky, too.Copy !req
313. Mm!Copy !req
314. - [♪ upbeat music playing]
- Ooh! Oh yeah!Copy !req
315. Shh!Copy !req
316. My dad used to work here,
so I kinda grew up around football.Copy !req
317. You never told me that.Copy !req
318. I hate being negative,
and if I talk about my dad,Copy !req
319. I end up bitchin' about that
piece-of-shit Jerry Jones,Copy !req
320. who fired him.Copy !req
321. Well, the man has no soul.Copy !req
322. He fired the late, great Tom Landry, too.Copy !req
323. At least he can't take away my memories.Copy !req
324. My favorite moments as a kid
were playin' ball with my dad.Copy !req
325. - Well, I know a little bit about that.Copy !req
326. Hey, Bobby?Copy !req
327. Yeah, Dad?Copy !req
328. Could we, uh, swap seats,Copy !req
329. so I can talk strategy with Willow?Copy !req
330. You know this is just
supposed to be fun, right?Copy !req
331. Yeah, of course, but with Willow here,Copy !req
332. I think we have a shot at winning.Copy !req
333. You're not so bad either, Mr. Hill.Copy !req
334. You know what? We're teammates now,Copy !req
335. so... call me Hank.Copy !req
336. Oh! Oh, my knee!Copy !req
337. - Hike!Copy !req
338. Go!
Get in there! Get in there!Copy !req
339. Yes!Copy !req
340. - Woo-hoo! Yeah!Copy !req
341. I'm gonna sit the rest of this one out.Copy !req
342. Alright!Copy !req
343. Don't worry, it looks like this guy
and his daughter have us covered.Copy !req
344. She's not his—Copy !req
345. - Yes!
- Never mind.Copy !req
346. I don't get where they came from.Copy !req
347. They thrive in cold climates.Copy !req
348. Hm...Copy !req
349. The Turners just got back from New York.Copy !req
350. - I hear they thrive in hot climates.
- Hm.Copy !req
351. Minh was just bragging
about her trip to Fort Worth.Copy !req
352. Seems a thrift store was
the outbreak's ground zero.Copy !req
353. The Garlands love
buying people's old stuff.Copy !req
354. Cheap bastards.Copy !req
355. How's our situation?Copy !req
356. I flooded the zone with misinformation.Copy !req
357. No one suspects you.Copy !req
358. - You're welcome!
- Are you sure? No loose ends?Copy !req
359. I will not be a pariah like you, Dale.Copy !req
360. Check out the Neighbors App, Sugs.Copy !req
361. I've never seen people bein' so mean.Copy !req
362. "This is Peggy Hill.Copy !req
363. "We cannot hide behind anonymity.Copy !req
364. We have to face each other
like true neighbors."Copy !req
365. - "Peggy's right. Neighbor 52,Copy !req
366. "meet me at the Book Nook at 9:00 p.m.Copy !req
367. I am going to kick your ass."Copy !req
368. - Guess who made the playoffs?Copy !req
369. Bobby, where'd you go?Copy !req
370. I think I pulled something.Copy !req
371. Get some dang Icy Hot on it!Copy !req
372. You don't wanna miss tomorrow.Copy !req
373. I'm gonna hit the little boys' showers.Copy !req
374. Willow, you have the heart of a warrior.Copy !req
375. I was just tryin' to win.Copy !req
376. I know. And I'm glad you're getting along,Copy !req
377. but it's kinda like I'm 11 again,Copy !req
378. overhearing my dad telling my momCopy !req
379. that I better get better at math
if I'm gonna be so bad at sports.Copy !req
380. Which hurt double
'cause I suck at math, too.Copy !req
381. I had a lot of issues with my dad, too,Copy !req
382. but I can't do anything about thatCopy !req
383. now that he's back in Mother Earth's womb.Copy !req
384. Want my advice?Copy !req
385. Talk to Hank while he can still talk back.Copy !req
386. You couldn't resist one more chanceCopy !req
387. to feel like you went pro, huh?Copy !req
388. I did go pro, Bobby.Copy !req
389. Pro-pane.Copy !req
390. But that's not why I'm in here.Copy !req
391. I'm in here because everything hurts.Copy !req
392. My dang ears are sore!Copy !req
393. I didn't even know that was possible.Copy !req
394. I think I might be too old for this.Copy !req
395. Nah, Dad. I'm sore every night after work,Copy !req
396. and that's just a restaurant.Copy !req
397. Don't sell yourself short. You work hard.Copy !req
398. Maybe even harder than an athlete.Copy !req
399. Get on in here.
Feels good to feel nothing.Copy !req
400. - Well?Copy !req
401. I wanna scream,
but I can't.Copy !req
402. Look, Bobby, he's there.Copy !req
403. This is my chance to tell him
about the "YoYo Sweep."Copy !req
404. You ruined everything.Copy !req
405. Bwah!Copy !req
406. Uh, maybe she couldn't make it
to the bathroom in time?Copy !req
407. Well, that's why people need to eat meat.Copy !req
408. It slows the whole process down.Copy !req
409. I can explain!Copy !req
410. I'd like to hear you try.Copy !req
411. After he got fired from the Cowboys,Copy !req
412. my dad started ordering
Long Island Iced Teas,Copy !req
413. without the ice.Copy !req
414. The drinking just got worse from there.Copy !req
415. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
416. I blamed him my whole life.Copy !req
417. But, this weekend, bein' here,Copy !req
418. I realized it wasn't his fault.Copy !req
419. I blame Jerry Jones!Copy !req
420. And now, I feel like this
huge weight has lifted.Copy !req
421. More like dropped.Copy !req
422. But I'm so sorry if I messed up
Fantasy Camp, Hank.Copy !req
423. Well, I'm afraid it's back to Mr. Hill
after what we witnessed.Copy !req
424. I don't think we should
come back tomorrow.Copy !req
425. I don't think we can ever come back here.Copy !req
426. - [♪ foreboding music plays]Copy !req
427. Yeah, it happened again.Copy !req
428. So, uh,Copy !req
429. a girl like Willow will definitely
keep you on your toes.Copy !req
430. Yeah.Copy !req
431. Her balm makes my skin burn,Copy !req
432. she says "antidote"
when she means "anecdote,"Copy !req
433. and she follows me everywhere!Copy !req
434. Also, I'm pretty sure
I'm still in love with Connie.Copy !req
435. I have to break up with Willow.Copy !req
436. Well, then I'd suggest, uh,
in light of recent events,Copy !req
437. - that you do it very carefully.
- I will.Copy !req
438. I appreciate you, Dad.Copy !req
439. Well, let's not get carried away.Copy !req
440. - Your dog peed in my garden.Copy !req
441. Your husband slept with my wife!Copy !req
442. How is that my fault? I'm just as mad!Copy !req
443. Only one of us is well-rested.Copy !req
444. The person who gained from our misery.Copy !req
445. - [♪ dramatic sting]
- Me?Copy !req
446. He does have a lab in his basement.Copy !req
447. See? He released them on purpose!Copy !req
448. It was Peggy and her books!Copy !req
449. Yes! The books gave you bed bugs.
I apologize. But,Copy !req
450. they also brought us out of
our houses, face-to-face.Copy !req
451. A-And Bill! Bill read half a book.Copy !req
452. Half a page.Copy !req
453. And Luke JuniorCopy !req
454. learned the art of seduction.Copy !req
455. You read What Color Is Your ParachuteCopy !req
456. and found your calling.Copy !req
457. And I'll need it after the divorce.Copy !req
458. The Nook was not just about books!Copy !req
459. It was about community.Copy !req
460. Oh, dear God! Oh my! Oh help, help!Copy !req
461. - What are we gonna do about the bed bugs?
- What we have to do, Nancy.Copy !req
462. There is only one surefire way
to kill bed bugs.Copy !req
463. Look at it this way.Copy !req
464. You definitely brought
the neighborhood together.Copy !req
465. Stop trying to make me feel better.Copy !req
466. I did go pro, Bobby. Pro-pane.Copy !req