1. Pajama slide!
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2. Good purchase, Mom.
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3. I haven't even finished breakfast
and that boy ain't right.
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4. Oh, I forgot to tell you, you and Bobby
are on your own tonight.
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5. I'm going to Minh's for ladies game night!
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6. You're leaving us alone?
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7. Uh, but you're a good buffer
for when things get awkward.
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8. Oh, Hank, you'll be fine.
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9. I hope we play Scrabble.
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10. I will be unstoppable
with my two-letter words.
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11. Am, ho, id, na, is, if.
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12. Oh, there's nothing more beautiful
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13. than a man and his son alone bonding.
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14. A time when questions will be asked
and answers will be given.
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15. Yeah. I was kinda hoping
we could do something
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16. that didn't require a lot of conversation.
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17. You know, the type of stuff Bobby likes
to talk about.
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18. Well, you could rent a movie.
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19. He likes to act out the funny parts.
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20. Well, what about going out to a movie?
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21. He likes to whisper at me.
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22. I say you take him to dinner.
There'll be people around.
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23. You can talk to the waiter.
You have options.
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24. Yeah! Like a date.
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25. If there's a lull in the conversation,
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26. just put a breadstick in your mouth
to cover.
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27. You know, I've been wanting to try
that new steakhouse in McMaynerbury.
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28. If there's no live music,
that's what we'll do.
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29. My idea. Mine.
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30. So, uh, how's school?
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31. Fine.
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32. How's work?
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33. Fine.
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34. Two Kansas City strips,
medium rare.
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35. Excuse me, sir.
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36. There's something wrong with our steaks.
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37. These should be prime.
And this isn't the marbling for prime.
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38. It's fatty in all the wrong places.
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39. Bobby, what are you doing?
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40. Don't insult a man's steak
without tasting it.
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41. You'll get us killed.
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42. I assure you, sir,
our beef is the finest in the county.
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43. And this bone is so big and flat.
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44. Everybody knows the tiny-bone side
of the sirloin is the most tender.
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45. What kind of steak joint is this?
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46. Look, dude.
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47. Two days ago, I was working
at a shoe store.
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48. I'll go get my manager.
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49. Wow, Bobby, you sure do know
your way around a steak.
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50. I'd have to agree with that.
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51. I must say I have never seen someone
so young with such meat savvy.
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52. I'm Roger Stiles,
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53. professor of meat science
at Heimlich County Junior College.
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54. I'm also coach
of their meat-examination team.
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55. What's a meat-examination team?
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56. It's like debate team.
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57. But instead of doing something useless,
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58. they compete by judging cut
and quality of meat.
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59. Yup. I come here every night looking
for the missing link to our team.
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60. And tonight I found you, Bobby.
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61. See, we're all book learning.
We need passion.
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62. Heck, I'm all passion!
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63. Dad, why didn't you tell me
about any of this?
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64. Because you're never interested
in anything good.
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65. What do you say, Bobby?
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66. You ready to take raw meat
to the next level?
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67. Can I, Dad? Can I join the team?
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68. I have been waiting 13 years
for you to ask that.
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69. Absolutely.
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70. All right, Bobby. Show them what you got.
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71. Two rib-eyes, one porterhouse,
three fillets,
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72. one medium, two medium-rare,
and a New York strip, well done.
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73. - Well done indeed!
- Oh, man! Look at that dang ol' boy, man.
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74. Aunt Peggy, you must be so excited
to have discovered Bobby's hidden talent!
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75. It's like buried treasure in his head!
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76. Or is it his stomach?
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77. It is very exciting, Luanne.
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78. Who knows where this could take him?
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79. Oh, yeah, real far.
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80. He'll be able to skip a semester
at hamburger school.
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81. Yeah. This talent is a party trick
to nowhere.
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82. But it's cute you think your boy
will be successful someday.
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83. Soup's on!
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84. Perfect choice, Bobby.
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85. I've often thought my profile
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86. bears a striking resemblance
to a New York strip.
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87. Oh, this looks delicious, shug.
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88. Where on earth did you learn so much
about meat?
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89. One day you will get to eat this.
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90. The cow says, "moo."
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91. The cow also says,
"I have 11 distinct cuts of meat,
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92. each with its own taste and texture.".
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93. I guess it just came naturally.
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94. And the coloring indicates
a fine-to-moderately-fine texture.
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95. Patow!
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96. Hey, coach. I'm ready to work.
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97. Should I warm up with some ground chuck
or just jump right in?
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98. There he is! Everybody, this is Bobby.
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99. The one who's gonna get us to state
and take down Texas A and F.
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100. My name is Njorl. Norway exchange student.
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101. Already know herring. Need to know meat.
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102. And I'm Lucy.
It's so super great to meet you.
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103. You're totally gonna be better
than our last guy.
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104. - He was "dead weight."
- I can feel it!
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105. This kid's a prodigy.
I'm freaking out, guys!
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106. I'm freaking out!
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107. Okay.
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108. Don't worry about Ron.
Things get pretty intense around here.
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109. The smell of blood in the air
doesn't help.
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110. I'm so psyched to be here.
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111. Look, I don't know
all the technical stuff yet.
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112. But what I do know is that
the rib-eye thickness of that carcass
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113. is half an inch.
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114. Bobby's awfully late from practice.
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115. His dinner's gonna get cold.
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116. I know. Isn't it great?
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117. Hey, sorry I'm late.
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118. We were doing cartilage work.
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119. And Njorl couldn't remember his sacral
from his lumbar.
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120. We all had a good laugh.
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121. Oh, Hank.
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122. He already has inside jokes
and smells like raw beef.
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123. I've got to tell you, it's pretty great
being a child prodigy.
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124. And coach gave me this DVD.
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125. Slaughterhouse
From the Kill to Your Plate.
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126. Do you want to watch it later, Dad?
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127. Bobby, I would love to watch
Slaughterhouse with you.
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128. Where the heart, lungs,
and visceraare separated for inspection.
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129. This is so exciting.
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130. Now, you worked hard for this
and you're ready.
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131. All we have to do is get fourth place
to qualify for the state championship.
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132. We're gonna do better than fourth place!
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133. We're taking first!
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134. Texas A and F is going down!
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135. - Woo!
- Yeah, Bobby! Woo-hoo!
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136. - Break!
- Break!
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137. Way to go!
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138. All right, Bobby!
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139. Time for the final question.
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140. The four teams with the highest scores
will advance to the state competition.
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141. The question which of these carcasses
has the most muscular round?
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142. Heimlich County Junior College, you're up.
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143. Who do we send? Ron?
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144. Oh, I suck at muscling today.
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145. Send me to organs where I belong.
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146. Bobby?
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147. - Bobby!
- Bobby!
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148. I got this.
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149. - Get them!
- All right!
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150. - You do good!
- Go, Bobby!
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151. Come on, Bobby! Eat the whole thing!
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152. Which of these carcasses
has the most muscular round?
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153. Number two.
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154. I'm sorry.
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155. The answer is carcass four.
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156. What?
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157. Why do you look so down, son?
Your team got fourth place.
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158. You're going to state.
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159. Bobby is going to state.
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160. We did it, Peggy.
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161. I wasn't sure.
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162. Between this trophy and your certificate
for attendance at Vacation Bible School,
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163. I am one proud mother.
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164. I don't know why everyone is so happy.
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165. I almost blew it for the whole team.
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166. You're being too hard on yourself.
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167. This was your first competition.
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168. If I had a nickel for every time I buckled
under pressure, I would have five nickels.
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169. But these guys are intense, Dad.
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170. I've seen Coach Stiles hack up
a cow torso.
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171. This is not a man I want to disappoint.
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172. You know who doesn't make mistakes, Bobby?
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173. Jesus?
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174. No! I… I mean, well, yes. But no.
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175. Look, the point is,
your team is going to state.
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176. And that's all that matters.
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177. Usually your pep talks go in one ear
and out the other.
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178. But this time, I'm feeling the pep!
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179. Hey. How's everybody doing?
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180. Well, if it isn't Little Gristle.
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181. Go back to the meat you know,
hot dogs and bologna.
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182. Okay, everybody, stop.
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183. We don't have time for squabbling.
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184. Yes, Bobby screwed up
and he should be embarrassed.
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185. And, yes, we would replace him
if we had time.
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186. But he's still a part of this team.
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187. Thank you.
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188. I promise I won't let you down.
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189. You had better not.
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190. Did you know that no one can hear you
scream from inside a meat locker?
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191. Interesting fact.
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192. I bet you guys are dying to know
why I'm holding this piece of paper.
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193. - I was afraid to ask.
- It's been killing me!
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194. It's a form to make a deposit for a seat
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195. on the meat team's state-bound
chartered bus.
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196. - Ooh!
- Ooh!
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197. There is no greater sign
that a competition
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198. is legitimate than the chartering
of a bus.
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199. Yup. My son is going to state.
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200. Bobby and I will have stuff to talk about
for the rest of our lives.
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201. Trimness.
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202. Less fat opposite the rib-eye,
less kidney pelvic, heart fat.
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203. Less fat over the brisket
chuck loin plate, inside round.
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204. I'm ready to stop learning about beef
and start eating it.
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205. Everybody knows you don't sully
your palate with meat
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206. the night before a competition.
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207. That's incredibly basic.
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208. That's day one.
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209. It's all sides, family style,
and an egg-white omelet to share.
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210. Oh, my gosh! It's the Texas A and F team.
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211. - Let's stab one in the restroom!
- No!
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212. Let's blind them!
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213. They can't grade beef
if they can't see it!
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214. Bobby, hand me the red-pepper flakes.
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215. Wait. You're serious.
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216. Go grade some tofu, you losers!
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217. Oh, my gosh!
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218. He just threw pepper in their faces!
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219. - What is he doing?
- Thinking like a champ.
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220. How was dinner?
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221. Did you eat lots of protein
and say some prayers?
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222. We did neither.
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223. Unless you consider eggs protein.
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224. I do not.
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225. It turns out these meat-team people
are a bunch of weirdoes.
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226. A boy who has a unicorn ranch
in his bedroom
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227. shouldn't call other people weird.
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228. That's right.
We know about Rancho Unicorno.
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229. I am telling you, these guys are freaks.
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230. They don't know where meat ends
and they begin.
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231. What you're seeing
is what's called team spirit.
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232. It's like the Holy Spirit
but more powerful.
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233. Dad, I'm quitting the team.
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234. What? No!
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235. We were so close!
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236. Why would you pass up the chance
to compete at the state level?
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237. Especially when that state is Texas.
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238. I'm sorry, Dad.
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239. Well, I'm gonna support this team
whether you do or not.
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240. When Hank Hill reserves a seat
on a team bus,
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241. he is gonna be on that bus.
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242. Fine!
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243. Enjoy a bunch of crazy people rambling
about meat all day!
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244. You know that I will.
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245. Name, please?
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246. Hill.
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247. - Hank and Bobby?
- Just Hank.
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248. Aw…
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249. He just quit on me, Kaylee.
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250. He thinks all these people are crazy.
Can you believe it?
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251. Sad.
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252. What the…
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253. Listen up, people!
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254. Y'all won't be going anywhere today!
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255. Least of all, the state championship!
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256. That's right, jerks.
You're being hijacked.
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257. Texas A and F rules!
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258. Cell phones in the bag. Now!
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259. I knew this was gonna happen!
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260. Why on earth would you think
we'd be hijacked?
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261. It doesn't make any sense.
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262. Makes perfect sense.
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263. We were going to take state championship
from them.
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264. We must be hijacked.
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265. Y'all can kiss state good-bye!
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266. Wow! The Vogner Little Man.
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267. Mm-hm.
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268. Your father wanted to surprise you.
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269. It was supposed to be waiting for you
when you got back from the tournament.
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270. But you're not at the tournament.
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271. - Dad got this for me?
- Yeah.
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272. He wanted to grill together,
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273. just you and him.
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274. He doesn't want to grill with me.
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275. All he cares about
is that I'm on some team.
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276. This isn't about you being on a team.
It isn't even about beef.
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277. What your father cares about
is that you two
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278. finally have something in common.
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279. Really?
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280. He's never chartered a bus for me, Bobby.
As much as I've asked him to.
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281. Mom get me to state.
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282. Excuse me, sir.
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283. I'm Bobby Hill from Heimlich County JC.
I'm looking for my team.
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284. You're it, son.
The rest of your squad's a no-show.
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285. That can't be.
All they've got is beef grading.
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286. Where are they?
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287. Your father's not answering
his cell phone.
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288. Are you in or out?
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289. Check it out.
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290. I'm in. All in.
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291. Every event.
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292. Hey, Hank!
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293. We thought we'd lost you.
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294. This is a stupid place
for a meat tournament.
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295. We were hijacked and stranded
by meat-grading hooligans, you idiots.
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296. Wow! I guess it's a good thing
we blindly followed you here
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297. instead of using a map or common sense.
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298. Well, what are we waiting for?
To the Beef-abago! S'go! S'go! S'go!
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299. Man, dang ol' hello?
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300. Oh, man! Talking about dang ol'
Peggy wants to talk to you, man.
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301. Peggy?
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302. Really?
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303. Oh, there was just a hijacking.
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304. I'll fill you in later. We're on our way.
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305. Great news.
Bobby's at the tournament.
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306. He's competing right now.
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307. - Oh, no!
- Bobby's gonna ruin everything!
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308. - We're toast.
- Despair for me.
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309. Hey, that's no way to talk
about your teammate.
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310. He's saving your hides right now.
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311. Doubtful. He's terrible.
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312. - He's a…
- Come on now.
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313. Bobby may have different talents than you.
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314. But one thing you all share
is your love of top-quality beef.
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315. I don't care about beef.
I only care about winning.
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316. Dude, I'm a vegetarian.
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317. What?
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318. You guys are even weirder
than Bobby let on.
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319. No wonder he wanted to quit the team.
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320. I'm gonna sit in the back with the cow.
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321. All competitors please report
to the examining stations.
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322. This piece of veal thinks
he's gonna beat us?
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323. I do my talking on the carcass.
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324. - Woo-hoo!
- Oh, yeah!
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325. The final event will determine
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326. the Texas state collegiate
meat-grading champion.
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327. Each team must determine
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328. whether the specimen beef
is prime beef or flawed in any way.
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329. Good luck.
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330. The competition's still going on.
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331. We've still got a chance.
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332. Bobby's in the finals!
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333. Thanks for somehow not screwing things up.
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334. But now is the time when you choke.
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335. Step aside.
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336. Okay.
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337. It looks prime but there's got to be
a flaw somewhere.
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338. It's perfect.
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339. This is the marbling of your fantasies.
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340. They just want us to think there's a flaw.
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341. It's a trick!
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342. Why aren't you up there, son?
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343. They're afraid I'm gonna choke again.
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344. But, Dad, I think I saw a flaw.
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345. - Really?
- I think so.
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346. It's something in the chine button.
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347. Are you sure?
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348. Yes, I am.
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349. Then it's time to speak up.
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350. Have you reached a decision?
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351. - Prime?
- Prime.
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352. - Prime.
- Prime.
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353. Hard bone!
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354. No, no, no!
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355. If you look closely at the chine button
at the 13th rib,
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356. you will see it has begun to ossify.
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357. This carcass is too old to be prime.
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358. Again hardbone.
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359. Correct!
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360. Heimlich County is the new state champion!
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361. Yay!
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362. Boy! I could listen to the sound of sizzle
all day long.
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363. It's pretty relaxing.
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364. What do you say we mooch
some hillbilly barbecue?
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365. I haven't finished
my organic-chemistry homework.
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366. You're three grades ahead already.
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367. Take the night off.
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368. Oh.
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369. Thank you, shug.
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370. My headache feels a lot better.
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371. Well, I may not have
John Redcorn's healing touch
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372. but I do know a lot about the female body
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373. on account I once saw
a possum ripped apart.
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374. I smell beef!
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375. Don't even fool with shoes!
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376. Grab Gracie and let's go!
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377. Look at you, my two Hill men.
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378. We might need more food.
We've got company.
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379. Well, Dad, it looks like
this is the last one.
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380. Oh, you're just getting started, Bobby.
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381. You'll be grilling your whole life.
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382. Just like you.
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383. - Yup.
- Yup.
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384. - Yup.
- Yup.
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385. - Yup.
- Mm-hm.
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