King of the Hill 13x2

Directed by Matt Engstrom

Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • Danny Trejo as Enrique (voice) • Marissa Jaret Winokur as Doreen / Girl in Crowd (voice) • Mo Collins as Ella / Melinda (voice)

When a local paper plans to run a story about Strickland Propane dumping old propane tanks into the river, Hank suggests that the company go green. Dale, in an attempt to impress the ladies, organizes an Earth benefit concert.

Request examples:

!req King of the Hill 13x2 [02:32]
!req King of the Hill 13x2 [King of the Hill 13x2]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req King of the Hill 13x2 [10-11]; !req King of the Hill 13x2 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Remember our old percolator?

2. Now, that made a cup of coffee.

3. If you want to open up that can of worms, let's talk about the old can opener.

4. God, no! Not the lawn!

5. The lawn! Boy, no!

6. How many times have I told you

7. there are no dinosaur bones under our yard?

8. I'm doing extra credit for my earth-science class.

9. We're learning about all the things trees can do,

10. like turning carbon dioxide into oxygen.

11. Yeah. And other stuff!

12. Huh. Well, I wish you'd asked permission.

13. But it is a pretty good spot for a tree.

14. And the pecan tree is the state tree of Texas.

15. I limited myself to trees that could be used to make pies.

16. Well, let me give you boys a hand.

17. There's a new recipe for backfill I've been meaning to try out.

18. It's, uh, two parts compost.

19. Okay. Gather around, everybody.

20. We're gonna play us a little game.

21. Highest card wins Strickland Propane all its assets and liabilities.

22. A jack! All right, I'm in the mix!

23. What's going on, sir?

24. The last time we played this game, Joe Jack got hit with a paternity suit.

25. It's fixing to get ugly around here.

26. The Bystander's about to print a story claiming

27. we've been illegally dumping our old propane tanks in the Cottonwood River!

28. What? Why would they say that?

29. Because they're jackals!

30. They're trying to fill their news holes.

31. And because they got proof.

32. Dangit, Mister Strickland.

33. I don't understand how you can be Strickland's greatest asset

34. and its greatest liability.

35. Calm down.

36. I didn't know it was illegal.

37. I was trying to create a coral reef for all the dolphins and whatnot.

38. In a river?

39. Everyone's gonna hate us.

40. People hate people who hate the environment.

41. If we don't have an environment, where will we do stuff?

42. Think about it.

43. Now, wait a minute.

44. Mister Strickland made a bad decision

45. that for now I am willing to believe was an accident.

46. We just need to show people

47. that Strickland Propane doesn't hate the environment.

48. Hank, are you suggesting we go green?

49. Well, I'd rather not put it that way.

50. But, yes.

51. Well, stop digging if you hit metal.

52. My dad says there are a lot of unexploded ordnances back here.

53. Phew.

54. Nice looking tree, boys.

55. Thanks.

56. At first, it was all about the extra credit.

57. But now I'm kind of glad we're helping the planet.

58. About that science teacher of yours…

59. Does he ever talk about, uh, going green?

60. I don't know.

61. Do you ever talk about propane?

62. My point is, he talks about it all the time.

63. I don't suppose you remember any of the things he said, do you?

64. Dad, I have a book bag full of handouts you're gonna love.

65. Hit the deck!

66. My teacher says global warming is serious business.

67. Look at all the pictures of the Statue of Liberty

68. at the bottom of the ocean.

69. Okay, Bobby. Let's skip to the nuts and bolts.

70. Right.

71. It says here

72. a healthy planet starts with turning off your screensaver

73. when you leave your workstation.

74. But my flying toasters keep me happy.

75. This is not all California nonsense.

76. Some of it's common-sense stuff

77. like recycling and using more efficient light bulbs.

78. And, Mister Strickland,

79. about that little fridge you keep in your office…

80. I am not drinking a warm longneck!

81. Well, at least put the door back on.

82. Fine!

83. Thanks for carpooling, you guys.

84. I know it's not everybody's first choice.

85. But it's important for the company.

86. Hey, I'm psyched, man!

87. Now we finally have a chance to talk.

88. I mean really talk about our hopes and our fears.

89. Who wants to go first?

90. Hang in there, Mister Strickland.

91. We'll be there soon.

92. Now, if you're not gonna let me have my own little bottles of water,

93. then we all drinking "raspberry ice!"

94. We had better turn that dang air on

95. or I'm going pantless!

96. I'm sorry, Buck.

97. I don't know how to say this diplomatically.

98. But you made a mistake.

99. And, well, fixing it is not gonna be fun.

100. Buck needs to be more vigilant.

101. He put up a banner saying we went green.

102. That's like a contract with everyone who drives by.

103. Buck could always take the easy way out and just buy carbon offsets.

104. They're all the rage in Hollywood.

105. That's the dream factory, Hank.

106. What the heck is a carbon offset?

107. It's like a get-out-of-jail-free card for people concerned about the environment

108. but not concerned enough to actually do anything.

109. You simply pay someone to plant trees,

110. or build windmills to offset all the carbon you've dumped on the earth.

111. That's ridiculous.

112. You can't cause a problem and ask someone else to fix it.

113. You have to do the work yourself, like Bobby and Joseph over there.

114. What? Joseph doesn't work.

115. Well, normally Bobby doesn't either.

116. But look at them, working for free.

117. You really got to admire that.

118. Huh.

119. You most certainly do.

120. Oh, yeah!

121. Hello, Dale.

122. I assume you're just here for a quick visit

123. since you're taking up two parking spaces.

124. Your friend here just sold me a mess of carbon offsets!

125. You did what?

126. Good news, Hank!

127. I'm in the carbon-offset business.

128. No. This isn't the way to show customers we've changed.

129. We have a plan.

130. Sure it's tedious and unpleasant.

131. But it will work.

132. Yeah, yeah. We gave your plan a fair shot, Old Top.

133. It was time to cut our losses.

134. It was one day!

135. Hank, this is a dream come true!

136. All the sanctimony without all the effort!

137. Smells like money.

138. Say, Old Top, that truck of yours is quite the gas guzzler.

139. How many offsets can I put you down for?

140. You can put me down for kicking your ass!

141. What kind of stupid goddang idea is this?

142. This is the perfect plan.

143. Strickland agreed to let me plant the trees on some land he isn't using.

144. Bobby and Joseph agreed to do the planting.

145. And I agreed to take the money.

146. Buying carbon offsets isn't gonna fix Strickland's image.

147. It's just cheating.

148. Who's to say what's cheating?

149. Is Leonardo DiCaprio cheating

150. when he offsets riding around on a private jet?

151. Yes.

152. Oh, Hank.

153. You just don't get it.

154. Planting carbon offsets is great!

155. I feel like I can already breathe better!

156. Phew!

157. I guess this is what happens when God gets lazy

158. and humans have to pick up the slack!

159. What else do you need me to do for you?

160. Look, I know we're tired and irritable…

161. Shut up, kid.

162. This is important!

163. I think we should buckle down and keep working!

164. Who's with me?

165. You're talking so loud, of course I'm in!

166. Octavio, I have a job for you.

167. Bring your shovel.

168. Oh, sorry, Missus Octavio.

169. You sound just like him.

170. Welcome to Strickland Propane.

171. The banner outside says you're green.

172. What exactly are you doing for the environment?

173. Well, quite a bit.

174. We have an employee carpool.

175. All our invoices are printed on recycled paper.

176. And as you can tell, the temperature in here is slightly uncomfortable.

177. You're burying the lead, Old Top.

178. Tell her about the carbon offsets.

179. I don't think she really wants to hear about the…

180. Trees.

181. Beautiful trees.

182. I'm planting a forest of majestic oaks and pines and whatnot.

183. And those trees are eating up all that nasty carbon.

184. I respect that.

185. It's the next best thing to us never having existed.

186. It's money out of my pocket, but I'm doing it for the children.

187. You see, I got a kid somewhere.

188. So do I.

189. Well, I find that hard to believe.

190. You take the next customer, Hank.

191. I'm gonna handle this one personally.

192. I'm so excited to start planting today.

193. I can't wait to see if this blister is gonna hold on.

194. Kids, I've decided that instead of planting,

195. you should focus on selling carbon offsets.

196. Wouldn't we be doing more good for the planet if we were planting trees?

197. Octavio and I have the planting covered.

198. Okay.

199. We're gonna run out of trees soon.

200. Should we go buy some more?

201. We got all the trees we need, Octavio.

202. I mean, who knows how many carbons are soaked up by a single tree?

203. Seventeen?

204. Thirty billion?

205. This one is pretty leafy.

206. But, you know, I don't know, dude.

207. Nobody does!

208. Let's go get some lunch.

209. I don't care where your school is going

210. I'm not buying anymore candy.

211. We're selling carbon offsets, Mister Souphanousinphone.

212. Now, I can pretty this up for you and tell you there's plenty of air to go around.

213. But I see that you're a smart man and you see right through that.

214. You can keep ruining the world and stuff, and these offset thingies make it okay.

215. This make me feel better about taking 40 minute showers.

216. It's my me time.

217. Look at all these trees I sold.

218. Everyone in the neighborhood bought offsets.

219. Oh, Bobby.

220. It is so nice to see you thinking you're making a difference.

221. You know who bought the most offsets of anyone?

222. Mister Strickland.

223. The way to win back our customers

224. is by making minor adjustments

225. to our daily regimen that over time can make a quantifiable difference.

226. Wow, Dad!

227. Between all the adult stuff you're doing

228. and the exciting stuff I'm doing, we're gonna save the world!

229. Oh, my God! This is so random.

230. I buy offsets too.

231. They are so important.

232. I just saw a documentary about Antarctica.

233. If all the ice melts, where will the penguins dance?

234. So true.

235. We have to go. We're in a band.

236. And we're on our way to Nashville for the Earth Benefit Concert.

237. Wait, wait, wait. You shouldn't be burning all that awful carbon

238. by driving up to Nashville.

239. No, not when I'm organizing one of them

240. earthy benefit concerts right here in Arlen!

241. Wow.

242. You really get it.

243. Yeah! It'll be like Woodstock!

244. Y'all like mud, don't you?

245. Channel 84.

246. Oh, God. What else did they find in the river?

247. They can't look in my locker unless they're cops, right, honey?

248. Well, this earthy concert's gonna put us over the top, Old Top.

249. We'll never have to worry

250. about our reputation again!

251. We got to hurry and wrap this up, shug.

252. There's a dog nursing baby kittens across town.

253. Mister Strickland, you used to pollute.

254. But now you give a hoot.

255. Tell us how that happened.

256. I have sinned.

257. But I am a changed man.

258. I fell hard for a lovely lady named Mother Earth!

259. And like any man in love,

260. I want the whole world to see my beautiful woman and her trees.

261. That's why I'm sponsoring a benefit concert two weeks

262. from Saturday in majestic Strickland Woods!

263. A benefit concert.

264. That is one smart way to pull Strickland's huevos out of the frying pan.

265. I have found that live music will make people overlook anything.

266. Sting must do horrible things

267. for all the special concerts that man puts on.

268. Well, I can't believe the kinds of people

269. I had to deal with all week getting this concert going.

270. Apparently, right when you get out of jail,

271. you start renting port-a-johns.

272. I sold so many trees they should call Strickland Woods Strickland Forest.

273. Well, congratulations, Bobby.

274. You just put out your first Mister Strickland fire.

275. Couple hundred more and you'll be tied with me.

276. Where are all the trees?

277. I don't know.

278. Mister Gribble said he'd take care of the planting

279. and for me to just worry about the selling.

280. Well, on the bright side,

281. this is the scandal that will finally take Buck down.

282. Dale, we were just at Strickland Woods and there's nothing there.

283. How could you do this?

284. Well, I liked the money but didn't care for the digging.

285. After that, the plan sort of formed itself.

286. Buck's been telling everybody he's planted a forest out there.

287. This was supposed to save Strickland's image.

288. In my defense, things get awfully muddy when it comes to the environment.

289. Hybrid cars get worse mileage than older regular cars.

290. Ethanol causes food prices to go up and leads to riots in other countries.

291. We were supposed to have an ice age unless people stopped using pesticides.

292. Well, look at here!

293. It's still hot!

294. I'm not letting you destroy the company I've dedicated my life to.

295. You're gonna go and tell everyone that you lied and stole their money.

296. I'm kind of in the middle of a beer, Hank.

297. And this is where I'll be hobnobbing with all the celebrities.

298. I call it the "green" green room.

299. - Uh-huh. - Then I get lowered onto the stage

300. by a helicopter powered by vegetable oil.

301. Go on, Dale.

302. Tell him about the trees.

303. Yeah, about them.

304. Some of those trees might have to,

305. you know, quietly disappear to make room for a stage.

306. Well, that's not gonna be a problem, sir.

307. There are no trees.

308. Dale took your money and didn't plant anything.

309. Excuses, Hank.

310. Tell him the excuses.

311. I got thousands of people, including some very attractive females,

312. expecting music and trees!

313. We in trouble. We need a brainstorming session, pronto.

314. Well, how about we tell everyone the truth?

315. How about we simulate a forest with one tree and a thousand mirrors?

316. Well, now, there's someone using his noodle.

317. Hank, you're out. Gribble, what else you got?

318. Sure this fellow's gonna save us, huh?

319. How do you know him again?

320. He used to be in the gun club until we kicked him out.

321. He kind of scared us.

322. He's way into guns.

323. Hey, Gribble. How's your gun club?

324. Geez, let it go already!

325. Nice piece of property you got here.

326. What is she? A hundred acres?

327. She's not for sale.

328. Oh, we don't want to buy it.

329. We want to buy the carbon-offset rights to your trees.

330. You can't cut down my trees!

331. No, no! You don't understand.

332. We want these trees to keep doing exactly what they're doing.

333. Inhaling carbon and exhaling oxygen.

334. And we want to pay you for it for the environment.

335. How is paying me gonna help the environment?

336. Well, hell if I know.

337. The important thing is nothing's gonna change.

338. And you'll get paid.

339. I think we can work something out.

340. Fantastic.

341. Oh, yeah. And there's gonna be a concert here this weekend.

342. Should be a few thousand people.

343. Not a big deal.

344. Buck and Dale are just making things worse.

345. Now they've bought offset rights to a forest that already exists.

346. It doesn't matter anyway.

347. People just want to make money.

348. Caring is for suckers.

349. Bobby is too young to know that, Hank!

350. We have to do something.

351. Hey, it looks like your pecan tree could use a little water.

352. What's the point?

353. I told you it'd work, Old Top.

354. Nobody knows where the real Strickland Woods is.

355. Yep. It certainly looks like you're gonna get away with this, sir.

356. How're y'all doing out there?

357. We're all here to have a good time.

358. But let's not forget the real reason we're here…

359. Me!

360. I'm just like the Indian who saw pollution in that old commercial.

361. Except instead of crying, I got off my ass and did something about it!

362. That's why I planted all these trees.

363. No. I'm not a hero.

364. No, not at all.

365. I'm just one man who's trying to single-handedly save the planet.

366. Uh, Sir?

367. One of the girls in the band needs help with her costume.

368. Excuse me, folks. I got some hobnobbing to do.

369. Hello. I'm Hank Hill.

370. Now, you're all here because you care about the environment.

371. You said we care!

372. That's right. And that's why you deserve the truth.

373. And the truth is these trees have been here a long time.

374. No, no.

375. You see, Strickland Propane didn't plant them.

376. We just bought the offset rights to them.

377. Whatever that means.

378. What I'm trying to say is, we did nothing.

379. Leave only footprints!

380. Strickland! Strickland!

381. Strickland! Strickland!

382. Ladies and gentlemen, Big Mountain Fudge Cake.

383. And these stakes should support the tree in any strong winds.

384. It'll be churning out oxygen and pecans for years to come.

385. Thanks, Dad.

386. But I don't see how one tree is gonna matter.

387. Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, Bobby.

388. One tree probably won't matter.

389. Oh, okay.

390. But if you care about something, you can make a difference.

391. Don't let people who take shortcuts or only do something

392. because it's fashionable discourage you.

393. I won't.

394. So what's the ETA on that first pecan pie?

395. It's gonna be a little while, Bobby.

396. Trees.

397. Beautiful trees.