King of the Hill 13x18

Directed by Tony Kluck

Tom Petty as Lucky (voice) • David Herman as (voice) • Lori Nasso as (voice) • Phil Hendrie as Guard / Police Officer #1 / Gordon (voice) • Jerry Lambert as J.J. Womack / Police Officer #2 (voice)

After Boomhauer trades houses with a Canadian family for the summer the Arlen gang tries to make some new neighbors at feel welcome. However it soon becomes apparent that Canadians and Arlenites do not see eye to eye.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Summer.

2. It's what America does best.

3. Heck, we were born in the summer!

4. Oh, my goodness!

5. Will you look at this outdoor sofa and coffee table?

6. Wow.

7. See, the trend today is to make your outdoor space

8. feel less backyard-y and more living room-y.

9. Come on, Hank! Sit with me.

10. Dream with me.

11. Well, I'm a guy who can sit on just about anything.

12. But this furniture is goddang lovely.

13. Let's buy it. All of it.

14. What? Well, I… This is all happening so fast, I…

15. Don't fight it.

16. I need new pots for the summer.

17. I'm planting hibiscus to attract hummingbirds,

18. bees, anything really.

19. I'm thinking new hammock.

20. For me, laying and swaying in a hammock

21. is like a steady morphine drip without the risk of renal failure.

22. Is that what I think it is?

23. Santa Madre de dios.

24. - Hank! - Hank!

25. It's beautiful.

26. This will no doubt be the best summer of our entire lives.

27. - Yup. - Yup.

28. Well, I tell you what, man,

29. I'd love to just sit back and dang ol' grill and chill, man.

30. But I got to head up to Canada this summer, man.

31. Canada?

32. A man only has so many summers, Boomhauer.

33. Why would you waste yours in a country that's dismantling its navy?

34. Talking about house swapping with an ol' Canadian family for, eh?

35. House swap?

36. There's gonna be Canadians living here, walking around, touching things,

37. for three whole months?

38. You're gonna be gone for an absurd amount of time!

39. What if we all make new friends? Or get remarried?

40. It could happen.

41. Love is funny.

42. Have fun.

43. Hope you got your shots.

44. Boomhauer, don't you dare come back a hockey fan.

45. Well, man, you know, I got to do what I dang ol' got to do, man.

46. Miss him, miss him.

47. Yup.

48. Yup.

49. Yup.

50. Look, I know we all miss Boomhauer.

51. But he wouldn't want us crying in our beer.

52. Hey, looks like the Canadians are here.

53. Boo!

54. Now, be polite, Dale.

55. We're Americans.

56. We're the world's welcome mat.

57. It doesn't matter if they're from Canada, Laos, or, god forbid, California.

58. Right now they're from Rainey Street.

59. And it's our patriotic duty to show them what good neighbors are all about.

60. - Fine. - Whatever.

61. Holy geez!

62. This looks like one of those spicy motels.

63. Well, we wanted something different than the lake this year.

64. I think we got her.

65. Oh, dear!

66. I'm just gonna slip this young lady behind the Chesterfield.

67. Hello. And welcome to the United States.

68. Peggy Hill at your service.

69. Hank Hill. Good to meet you.

70. Gordon Huskins. It's a pleasure.

71. Oh, sorry. This is my wife, Maureen, and our son, Ollie.

72. - How tall are you? - 4'11".

73. Oh, right on. That's 150 centimeters.

74. Hey, I sound tall in Canada.

75. I wonder if I'm thinner there too.

76. Keep talking.

77. That's a good-looking T-shirt you got there, Gordon.

78. You in the mower business?

79. Oh, I wish. But I've got a thing for McCullum mowers.

80. Canadian outfit.

81. "Ride high, ride strong, ride McCullum."

82. Now, that's a slogan.

83. Maureen, this is for you.

84. And join me, won't you, on a 50-state tour of America.

85. Here's Texas barbecue sauce, Washington apples, Vermont maple syrup.

86. Oh, that's so nice.

87. But we always travel with our own pure maple syrup.

88. It's like they say you don't want to drink the water in every country, eh?

89. Uh-huh.

90. I am telling you, Hank, those Canadians are not who they pretend to be.

91. That woman insulted me and every maple tree in Vermont today!

92. Peggy, they're probably not used to dealing with neighbors.

93. Canada is vast.

94. They might go months without seeing another person.

95. Oh, Hank, you're just easily enchanted by anyone in lawnmower apparel.

96. That's why I wore my John Deere beefy-T on our first date.

97. No, I'm a good neighbor, that's all.

98. I can handle this.

99. Remember when that old widow couldn't take care of her yard anymore?

100. Who forced her to move?

101. I did.

102. Hello. My name is Suzette.

103. - I live next door. - Yeah, man.

104. - Dang ol' bonjour, man. - Here.

105. I brought you some coffee crisps, huh?

106. Huh.

107. We need to properly position the kegerator.

108. Someplace where I can keep one eye on the grill and one eye on the game.

109. I might need to lay down some chalk lines to make sure I get the angles right.

110. Eh. How's it going, everybody?

111. Maureen made a nice tray of her brownies, eh?

112. So what do you say? Let's get at her!

113. Thanks, Gordon.

114. Hey, we're gonna watch Super Bowl 13 later.

115. The Broncos' "Orange Crush" versus the Cowboys' "Doomsday Defense."

116. You want to pull up a chair?

117. Oh, thanks.

118. But, you know, I prefer the fast-paced Canadian three-down system.

119. I mean, American football is a real snoozer, huh?

120. Enjoy your nap though, eh?

121. I'd like to put that chuckle of his in a sandwich and make him eat it!

122. He's okay, Dale.

123. That must be how they trash talk in Canada.

124. With little chuckles.

125. I tell you what Peggy's dying to throw a party

126. to break in her new patio furniture.

127. I'll invite the Canadians. You'll see. They're regular folks.

128. But enough of that.

129. We need to build a bar worthy

130. of housing our kegerator.

131. With this sophisticated new furniture,

132. I feel like we should be talking about art or politics or this new furniture!

133. I'm confused, Aunt Peggy.

134. I feel like we're inside. But I'm pretty sure we're outside.

135. Thank you, Luanne.

136. Yeah, it's a lovely outdoor couch.

137. But I'm starting to get a little rash.

138. Probably all the petrochemicals in the synthetic fabric.

139. Looks like everyone else is doing fine.

140. It might be that your skin isn't used to warm sunlight and friendship.

141. You might be right.

142. Because these bugs don't seem to hate it either.

143. Ooh.

144. All right! It's gonna be that kind of party!

145. Gentlemen, I know you've all been waiting patiently.

146. And now to commemorate our first draft beer of the summer

147. I present to you your very own

148. personalized frosty beer mugs.

149. Grab one.

150. These'll be kept here for you.

151. Always chilled, always ready.

152. Wow.

153. Gordon, I'd be honored if you used Boomhauer's.

154. Cheers, everybody.

155. Well, I guess it's a fine beer, you know, if you're not into flavor

156. but you love going to the washroom all night.

157. Oh, sorry.

158. Maureen's giving me her secret signal to leave.

159. Good to meet all you.

160. This mug is Boomhauer!

161. Gordon left him for dead in those geraniums!

162. If you ask me, I think America's building a wall on the wrong border!

163. This can't be right. Nobody's that rude.

164. There has to be some kind of cultural misunderstanding.

165. Uh… How can I help you, officer?

166. - This your house? - Yes, sir.

167. We received a noise complaint.

168. Noise complaint? Nobody's making any noise here.

169. I get so angry when people aren't respectful of their neighbors.

170. Did you ever stop to think that maybe there's a bigger world out there

171. than what's happening right here?

172. Here's a warning.

173. You don't want to see me again.

174. Wait. Which neighbors

175. would call the cops?

176. Everybody's here…

177. …except the Canadians.

178. I can't believe Gordon called the cops on us.

179. He's gonna be sorry when he sees me today.

180. It's about time you woke up, Hank. Anger is more fun when shared.

181. Mom, can I have another half liter of OJ, please?

182. What? Bobby, we speak English in this house!

183. But, Dad, Canada's metric system makes so much more sense.

184. A yard, a foot, an ounce, that's so random.

185. Why not measure things in squirts and dogs' tails?

186. All right, that's it. No more Ollie.

187. No more metric talk. This is America, dangit.

188. We know what we're doing. I got to go straighten this out.

189. Hey there, Hank. Can I make you up a rye and ginger?

190. Nothing says summer like an R and G!

191. No! I want to talk about last night, Gordon.

192. Oh, yeah. What a nice party!

193. - Eh, Maureen? - Super nice, Gord.

194. You know, in America, it's okay to call or just knock on your neighbor's door

195. if there's a problem.

196. You don't need to call the cops.

197. Ah, sorry about that.

198. We're not familiar with your local customs.

199. You know, Hank, you really ought to think about getting a McCullum mower.

200. Quiet as a casket.

201. And it won't damage your grass blades.

202. That's what's making your lawn look so brown.

203. You talking about my grass blades, Canada?

204. You know, maybe I'll stop by that new McCullum dealer later on,

205. see if they'll let me test out a new model

206. and give Boomhauer a proper mow while we're here.

207. I told Boomhauer I'd take care of his yard while he's away.

208. Oh, yeah?

209. Well, if you think you have the right to his land,

210. who am I to get in your way?

211. Okay, fine.

212. Real good then.

213. Oh, man, dang ol' ooh-la-la, man, ol'.

214. You know, before this, I always drank out of a can.

215. I never knew beer was yellow.

216. That Gordon Huskins.

217. All he talks about is how great Canada is and what's wrong with America.

218. I dodged bullets in the killing fields for two extra years

219. instead of going to Canada!

220. Outside the Hill residence. Peggy speaking.

221. Oh, yes, Gordon.

222. Oh, of course.

223. Well, thank you. You bet.

224. Uh-huh.

225. Okay.

226. I'm hanging up now.

227. Hank, that was Gordon.

228. They're whining about the music being too loud.

229. They're reading.

230. Dangit!

231. That man is not ruining my summer!

232. If I want to get rid of those Canadians,

233. I'm gonna have to do something I've never done before.

234. Be a bad neighbor.

235. Go ahead, fellows. Live it up.

236. - Yeah! - Yeah!

237. Oh, can we please stop this, Hank?

238. I can actually feel my liver through my shirt.

239. We can't let up! This is for America!

240. All right, you turkeys.

241. I got a two-four of Slewbacks.

242. You want to throw down? Let's throw down.

243. Have a seat.

244. Ahh!

245. Now, this is a beer.

246. Why can't America make a decent ale?

247. Probably because we're too busy making medical breakthroughs,

248. and blockbuster movies, and going to the moon.

249. Yeah? Well, we invented zippers, penicillin, and the Zamboni!

250. I love Canada's national anthem.

251. Too bad they don't play it much at the Olympics!

252. And your money has a girl on it!

253. You Americans, you're so gosh darn ignorant and self-centered.

254. Tell me who our prime minister is!

255. Why?

256. Bottom line, Gordon, my Mason could kick your McCullum's butt.

257. Oh! Oh!

258. That does it, eh.

259. - Yeah! - Yeah!

260. That'll learn him.

261. Don't mess with Texas!

262. What the heck?

263. He's mowing Boomhauer's lawn with a Canadian mower!

264. Not if I have anything to say about it!

265. USA! USA! USA!

266. Oh, yeah! Way to be, Hank!

267. Hank! That crazy Canuck is mowing your yard!

268. Aaah!

269. Oh, gosh!

270. Point-oh-eight-five.

271. That's a DWI for Y-O-U.

272. Point-oh-nine.

273. Huh. You win, Canada.

274. Are you the tooth fairy?

275. Give me a dollar.

276. Hank Hill, you're free to go.

277. Son! Welcome to the club!

278. Come on now, give me a hug.

279. Thanks, Mister Strickland. Who's this?

280. J.J. Womack.

281. I'm your best friend in the world right now.

282. Old J.J.'s got me off the hook more times than I can count.

283. Don't know how he does it. And don't ask.

284. What about me?

285. You're a foreign national who committed a criminal offense.

286. May God have mercy on your soul.

287. - Hank, you got to help me! - Oh, you mean bail you out of trouble?

288. How terribly American that would be of me, eh?

289. You can't leave me, my sweet.

290. Don't worry, sweetie. We still have tonight.

291. Make love to me.

292. They say jail can make a man hard…

293. …but you look okay, Hank.

294. Maybe a little harder, but not much.

295. Well, the DWI still goes on my record.

296. But thanks to Buck's lawyer, I won't lose my license.

297. But I have to go talk to some high-school kids

298. about drinking and driving.

299. And look at some dead bodies at the morgue.

300. And stay off my lawnmower for six months.

301. Six months with a push mower?

302. Hard time, my friend.

303. But still, kind of sad that Gordon's stuck in prison indefinitely.

304. Yeah. Kinda feel bad for the guy too.

305. But come on.

306. It's not like he'll be tortured… officially.

307. Hey.

308. Good news, everyone.

309. Gordon got another death threat.

310. But it's okay.

311. They moved him to a single cell with a roommate

312. who they tell me has his back.

313. - Boomhauer! - Well, there he is!

314. Well, hey there.

315. Hello, Jeff. Oh, my!

316. It's the 15th already?

317. Would you mind if we stayed a little longer?

318. Uh, Gordon's in a bit of a legal spot.

319. Man, I'm kind of coming back to my dang ol' love nest, man. I don't…

320. Suzette, what are you doing here?

321. What about Jean Paul?

322. Jean Paul, I hope he stays in that aluminum mine forever, eh?

323. I finish with that guy.

324. I see. Well, yes, of course. We'll be out right away.

325. Ollie and I will just sleep in the rental car.

326. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, etcetera.

327. Maureen, Ollie, you can stay with us.

328. What are neighbors for?

329. Are you sure you don't want to stay inside?

330. Oh, absolutely not.

331. We don't want to be any more of an imposition than we already are.

332. And frankly, I feel like we are inside.

333. Well, that's very kind. What about the chemicals?

334. I may have imagined those chemicals.

335. I imagine you're right.

336. Mm.

337. It's hard to enjoy a cold beer

338. while others in the world don't have a roof over their heads.

339. Hard, yes.

340. Impossible, no.

341. You know, Canadians might be sanctimonious and bland.

342. But America has been protecting Canada ever since England stopped.

343. Who's there when tyranny strikes, or when earthquakes hit, or tsunamis roll?

344. We are.

345. Fellows, we've got a neighbor in trouble. And it's time we did something about it.

346. I'm not gonna pretend I feel sorry for your Canadian friend,

347. because I don't.

348. But I could take pity if the price was right.

349. We're cash-poor at the moment. But you look like a drinker.

350. Perhaps we could barter.

351. Goodbye, old friend.

352. Just treat her right, Womack!

353. Keep her lines clean, you hear?

354. Gordon, you're alive!

355. Was it terrible? Did they humiliate you?

356. This must be quite a sacrifice for you, eh?

357. You have no idea.

358. Beer from a can, it's barbaric.

359. See you, guys.

360. If you're ever up in Canada to get reasonably priced pharmaceuticals

361. or, you know, a breath of fresh air, look us up.

362. Keep your stick on the ice.

363. The nerve of that guy. So ungrateful.

364. He didn't even say thank you for getting him out of jail.

365. Or for giving up our kegerator,

366. which had replaced trash day

367. as my favorite thing about this neighborhood.

368. No, he didn't. But you know what?

369. We were good neighbors and we did the right thing.

370. That's what matters.

371. Yup.

372. Yup.

373. Mm-hm.