King of the Hill 13x18

Directed by

Tom Petty as Lucky (voice) • David Herman as (voice) • Lori Nasso as (voice) • Phil Hendrie as Guard / Police Officer #1 / Gordon (voice) • Jerry Lambert as J.J. Womack / Police Officer #2 (voice)

After Boomhauer trades houses with a Canadian family for the summer the Arlen gang tries to make some new neighbors at feel welcome. However it soon becomes apparent that Canadians and Arlenites do not see eye to eye.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Summer.

2. It's what America does best.

3. Heck, we were born in the summer.

4. Oh, my goodness.

5. Will you look at this outdoor sofa and coffee table?

6. Wow.

7. See, the trend today is to make your outdoor space

8. feel less backyard-y and more living room-y.

9. Come on, Hank.

10. Sit with me.

11. Dream with me.

12. Well, I'm a guy who can sit on just about anything,

13. but this furniture is gotdang lovely.

14. Let's buy it. All of it.

15. What? Well, I...

16. I... This is all happening so fast.

17. I don't... Don't fight it.

18. I need new pots for the summer.

19. I'm planting hibiscus to attract hummingbirds, bees,

20. anything, really.

21. I'm thinking, "new hammock."

22. For me, laying and swaying in a hammock

23. is like a steady morphine drip

24. without the risk of renal failure.

25. Is that what I think it is?

26. Sancta Madre de Dios!

27. Hank! Hank!

28. It's beautiful.

29. This will, no doubt, be the best summer of our entire lives.

30. Yep. Yep.

31. Well, I tell you what, man,

32. I'd love to just chill back and dang ol' grill and chill, man,

33. but I'm gonna head up to Canada this summer, man.

34. Canada?

35. A man only has so many summers, Boomhauer.

36. Why would you waste yours in a country

37. that's dismantling its Navy?

38. Talking about house-swapping with an ol' Canadian family,

39. for, um, eh?

40. House-swap?

41. There's going to be Canadians living here,

42. walking around, touching things

43. for three whole months?

44. You're going to be gone for an absurd amount of time.

45. What if we all make new friends or get remarried?

46. It could happen.

47. Love is funny.

48. Have fun.

49. Hope you got your shots.

50. Boomhauer, don't you dare come back a hockey fan.

51. Well, man, you know I got to do what I dang old got to do, man.

52. Miss him. Miss him.

53. Ripped By mstoll

54. Yep.

55. Yup.

56. Yep.

57. Look, I know we all miss Boomhauer,

58. but he wouldn't want us crying in our beer.

59. It looks like

60. the Canadians are here.

61. Boo!

62. Now, be polite, Dale.

63. We're Americans.

64. We're the world's welcome mat.

65. It doesn't matter if they're from Canada, Laos,

66. or, God forbid, California.

67. Right now, they're from Rainey Street,

68. and it's our patriotic duty

69. to show them what good neighbors are all about.

70. Fine. Whatever.

71. Holy jeez!

72. This looks like one of those spicy motels.

73. Well, we wanted something different

74. than the lake this year.

75. I think we got 'er.

76. Oh, dear.

77. I'm just going to slip this young lady

78. behind the Chesterfield.

79. Hello and welcome to the United States.

80. Peggy Hill, at your service.

81. Hank Hill. Good to meet you.

82. Gordon Huskins. It's a pleasure.

83. Oh, sorry.

84. This is my wife Maureen and our son Ollie.

85. How tall are you?

86. Four foot eleven.

87. Oh. Right on. That's 150 centimeters.

88. Hey, I sound tall in Canada.

89. I wonder if I'm thinner there, too.

90. Keep talking.

91. That's a good-looking T-shirt you got there, Gordon.

92. You in the mower business?

93. Oh, I wish.

94. But I've got a thing for McCullum mowers.

95. Canadian outfit. Ride high. Ride strong.

96. Ride McCullum.

97. Now, that's a slogan.

98. Maureen, this is for you.

99. And join me, won't you, on a 50-state tour of America?

100. Here's Texas barbecue sauce,

101. Washington apples,

102. Vermont maple syrup.

103. Oh, that's so nice.

104. But we always travel with our own pure maple syrup.

105. It's like they say.

106. "You don't want to drink the water in every country." Eh?

107. Uh-huh.

108. I am telling you, Hank,

109. those Canadians are not who they pretend to be.

110. That woman insulted me and every maple tree in Vermont today.

111. Peggy, they're probably not used to dealing with neighbors.

112. Canada is vast.

113. They might go months without seeing another person.

114. Oh, Hank. You're just easily enchanted

115. by anyone in lawnmower apparel.

116. That's why I wore my John Deere beefy-T on our first date.

117. No, I'm a good neighbor. That's all.

118. I can handle this.

119. Remember when that old widow couldn't take care

120. of her yard anymore?

121. Who forced her to move?

122. I did.

123. Hello. My name is Suzette.

124. I live next door.

125. Yeah, man, dang of bonjour, man.

126. Here. I brought you some coffee crisps, huh?

127. Huh. We need to properly position the kegerator.

128. Some place where I can keep one eye on the grill

129. and one eye on the game.

130. I might need to lay down some chalk lines

131. to make sure I get the angles right.

132. Eh! How's it going, everybody?

133. Maureen made a nice tray of her brownies, eh?

134. So, what do you say? Let's get at 'er!

135. Well, thanks, Gordon.

136. Hey, we're going to watch Super Bowl XIII later.

137. The Broncos' "orange crush"

138. versus the Cowboys' "doomsday defense."

139. Want to pull up a chair?

140. Oh, thanks, but you know,

141. I prefer the fast-paced Canadian three-down system.

142. I mean, American football is a real snoozer, huh?

143. Enjoy your nap, though, eh?

144. I'd like to put that chuckle of his in a sandwich

145. and make him eat it.

146. He's okay, Dale.

147. That must be how they trash-talk in Canada.

148. With little chuckles.

149. Tell you what. Peggy's dying to throw a party

150. to break in our new patio furniture.

151. I'll invite the Canadians.

152. You'll see. They're regular folks.

153. But enough of that.

154. We need to build a bar worthy of housing our kegerator.

155. With this sophisticated new furniture,

156. I feel like we should be talking about art or-or politics

157. or-or this new furniture.

158. I'm confused, Aunt Peggy.

159. I feel like we're inside, but I'm pretty sure we're outside.

160. Thank you, Luanne.

161. Yeah, it's a lovely outdoor couch,

162. but I'm starting to get a little rash.

163. Probably all the petrochemicals in the synthetic fabric.

164. Looks like everyone else is doing fine.

165. It might be that your skin isn't used to

166. warm sunlight and friendship.

167. You might be right.

168. Because these bugs don't seem to hate it, either.

169. Ooh, all right! It's going to be that kind of party.

170. Gentlemen, I know you've all been waiting patiently

171. and now, to commemorate our first draft beer of the summer,

172. I present to you your very own personalized frosty beer mugs.

173. Grab one.

174. These will be kept here for you, always chilled, always ready.

175. Uh, wow.

176. Gordon, I'd be honored if you'd use Boomhauer's.

177. Cheers, everybody!

178. Well, I guess it's a fine beer,

179. you know, if you're not into flavor, but you love

180. going to the washroom all night.

181. Oh, sorry.

182. Maureen's giving me our secret signal to leave.

183. Good to meet all you.

184. This mug is Boomhauer.

185. Gordon left him for dead in those geraniums.

186. If you ask me,

187. I think America's building a wall on the wrong border.

188. This can't be right. Nobody's that rude.

189. There has to be some kind of cultural misunderstanding.

190. Uh, how can I help you, officer?

191. This your house? Yes, sir.

192. We received a noise complaint.

193. Noise complaint? Nobody's making any noise here.

194. I get so angry

195. when people aren't respectful of their neighbors.

196. Did you ever stop to think

197. that maybe there's a bigger world out there

198. than what's happening right here?

199. Here's a warning.

200. You don't want to see me again.

201. Wait. Which neighbors would call the cops?

202. Everybody's here.

203. Except the Canadians.

204. I can't believe Gordon called the cops on us.

205. He's going to be sorry when he sees me today.

206. It's about time you woke up, Hank.

207. Anger is more fun when shared.

208. Mom, can I have another half liter of OJ, please?

209. What?

210. Bobby, we speak English in this house.

211. But, Dad, Canada's metric system makes so much more sense.

212. A yard, a foot, an ounce...

213. That's so random.

214. Why not measure things in squirts and dog's tails?

215. All right. That's it.

216. No more Ollie. No more metric talk.

217. This is America, dang it.

218. We know what we're doing.

219. I got to go straighten this out.

220. Hey there, Hank.

221. Can I make you up a rye and ginger?

222. Nothing says summer like an R & G.

223. No. I want to talk about last night, Gordon.

224. Oh, yeah, what a nice party, eh, Maureen?

225. Super nice, Gord.

226. You know, in America, it's okay to call or just knock

227. on your neighbor's door if there's a problem.

228. You don't need to call the cops.

229. Oh, sorry about that.

230. We're not familiar with your local customs.

231. You know, Hank, you really ought to think

232. about getting a McCullum mower.

233. Quiet as a casket!

234. And it won't damage your grass blades.

235. That's what's making your lawn look so brown.

236. You talking about my grass blades, Canada?

237. You know, maybe I'll stop by that new McCullum dealer

238. later on, see if they'll let me test out a new model.

239. Give Boomhauer a proper mow while we're here.

240. I told Boomhauer I'd take care of his yard while he's away.

241. Oh, yeah? Well, if you think you have the right to his land,

242. who am I to get in your way?

243. Okay, fine.

244. Real good, then.

245. Oh, man, dang ol' ooh-la-la, man, ol'...

246. You know, before this, I always drank out of a can.

247. I never knew beer was yellow.

248. That Gordon Huskins.

249. All he talks about is how great Canada is

250. and what's wrong with America.

251. I dodged bullets in the killing fields for two extra years

252. instead of going to Canada.

253. Outside the Hill residence, Peggy speaking.

254. Oh, yes, Gordon. Oh, of course.

255. Well, thank you.

256. You bet.

257. Uh-huh, okay, I'm hanging up now.

258. Hank, that was Gordon.

259. They're whining about the music

260. being too loud. They're reading.

261. Dang it, that man is not ruining my summer.

262. If I want to get rid of those Canadians,

263. I'm gonna have to do something

264. I've never done before:

265. be a bad neighbor.

266. Go ahead, fellas, live it up!

267. Yeah! Oh, yeah!

268. Oh, can we please stop this, Hank?

269. I can actually feel my liver through my shirt.

270. We can't let up. This is for America!

271. All right, you turkeys,

272. I got a two-four of Slewback's.

273. You want to throw down? Let's throw down!

274. Have a seat.

275. Ah, now, this is a beer.

276. Why can't America make a decent ale?

277. Probably because we're too busy making medical breakthroughs

278. and blockbuster movies and going to the moon!

279. Yeah, well, we invented zippers, penicillin

280. and the Zamboni!

281. I love Canada's national anthem.

282. Too bad they don't play it much at the Olympics!

283. And your money has a girl on it!

284. You Americans,

285. you're so gosh-darn ignorant and self-centered.

286. Tell me who our prime minister is.

287. Why?

288. Bottom line, Gordon:

289. my Mason could kick your McCullum's ass.

290. Oh! Oh! That does it, eh?

291. Yay! Yeah!

292. That'll learn him.

293. Don't mess with Texas!

294. What the heck?

295. He's mowing Boomhauer's lawn with a Canadian mower!

296. Not if I have anything to say about it!

297. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

298. Look, he's ready to turn!

299. Take that, Canada!

300. Ho, yeah!

301. Way to be, Hank!

302. Hank! That crazy Canuck is mowing your yard!

303. Bwah!

304. Oh, God.

305. .085

306. That's a D-W-I for Y-O-U.

307. .09

308. Huh. You win, Canada.

309. Are you da toof fairy?

310. Give me a dollar!

311. Hank Hill, you're free to go.

312. Son! Welcome to the club!

313. Come on now. Give me a hug!

314. Thanks, Mr. Strickland.

315. Who's this?

316. J.J. Womack.

317. I'm your best friend in the world right now.

318. Old J.J.'s gotten me off the hook

319. more times than I can count.

320. Don't know how he does it and don't ask.

321. What about me?

322. You're a foreign national

323. who committed a criminal offense.

324. May God have mercy on your soul.

325. Hank, you gotta help me!

326. Oh, you mean, bail you out of trouble?

327. How terribly American that would be of me, eh?

328. They say jail can make a man hard,

329. but you look okay, Hank.

330. Maybe a little harder, but not much.

331. Well, the DWI still goes on my record,

332. but thanks to Buck's lawyer, I won't lose my license.

333. But I have to go talk to some high school kids

334. about drinking and driving

335. and look at some dead bodies at the morgue

336. and stay off my lawnmower for six months.

337. Six months with a push mower?

338. That's hard time, my friend.

339. But still, it's kind of sad

340. that Gordon is stuck in prison indefinitely.

341. Yeah, kind of feel bad for the guy, too.

342. But come on.

343. It's not like he'll be tortured...

344. officially.

345. Hey, good news, everyone.

346. Gordon got another death threat.

347. But it's okay, they moved him to a single cell

348. with a roommate who, they tell me, has his back.

349. Boomhauer!

350. There he is!

351. Hey, there!

352. Hello, Jeff.

353. Oh, my, it's the 15th already?

354. Would you mind if we stayed a little longer?

355. Gordon's in a bit of a legal spot.

356. Man, I'm kind of coming back

357. to my dang ol' love nest, man.

358. Suzette? What are you doing here?

359. What about Jean Paul?

360. Jean Paul? I hope he stay

361. in that aluminum mine forever, uh?

362. I finished with that guy.

363. C'est ca, c'est tout. That's it! That's all!

364. I see.

365. Well, yes, of course, we'll be out right away.

366. Ollie and I will just sleep in the rental car.

367. "Give me your tired, your poor,

368. "your huddled masses," et cetera...

369. Maureen, Ollie, you can stay with us.

370. What are neighbors for?

371. Are you sure you don't want to stay inside?

372. Oh, absolutely not. We don't want to be

373. any more of an imposition than we already are.

374. And frankly, I feel like we are inside.

375. That's very kind.

376. What about the chemicals?

377. I may have imagined those chemicals.

378. I imagine you're right.

379. It's hard to enjoy a cold beer

380. while others in the world don't have a roof over their heads.

381. Hard, yes. Impossible, no.

382. You know, Canadians might be sanctimonious

383. and bland, but America has been

384. protecting Canada ever since England stopped.

385. Who's there when tyranny strikes

386. or when earthquakes hit or tsunamis roll?

387. We are.

388. Fellas, we've got a neighbor in trouble,

389. and it's time we did something about it.

390. I'm not gonna pretend I feel sorry

391. for your Canadian friend because I don't.

392. But I could take pity if the price was right.

393. We're cash poor at the moment,

394. but you look like a drinker.

395. Perhaps we could barter.

396. Good-bye, old friend.

397. You treat her right, Womack!

398. Keep her lines clean, you hear!

399. Gordon, you're alive!

400. Was it terrible?

401. Did they humiliate you?

402. This must be quite a sacrifice for you, eh?

403. You have no idea.

404. Beer from a can.

405. It's barbaric.

406. See ya, guys.

407. If you're ever up in Canada

408. to get reasonably priced pharmaceuticals or, you know,

409. a breath of fresh air, huh, look us up.

410. Keep your stick on the ice!

411. The nerve of that guy!

412. So ungrateful.

413. Didn't even say thank you for getting him out of jail.

414. Or for giving up our kegerator,

415. which had replaced trash day as my favorite thing

416. about this neighborhood.

417. No, he didn't.

418. But you know what?

419. We were good neighbors, and we did the right thing.

420. That's what matters.

421. Yup.

422. Yep.

423. Mm-hmm.

424. Ripped By mstoll