1. Gracie sure spits up a lot.
She's definitely her father's child.
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2. Wow. This is a particularly good mail day.
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3. Paycheck, auto club magazine,
jury duty notice.
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4. Oh, no. West Arlen Youth Baseball.
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5. Is it already time to sign up Bobby
for another season of baseball?
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6. Or maybe this is the year we forget to.
People forget things.
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7. See, Peggy, it's completely believable.
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8. Hank, Bobby loves playing baseball.
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9. And soon, he'll be all grown up,
and all we will have is memories.
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10. Uh! The memories.
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11. That's my boy.
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12. That's my boy?
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13. That… boy.
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14. I just can't sit in the stands
for another season
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15. of parents looking at me with such pity.
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16. This never arrived.
You didn't see anything.
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17. But you're not making any sense.
That did arrive. I saw something.
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18. Hey, Joseph just told me
the baseball forms came.
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19. I can't wait to play!
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20. Now, where did I put that thing
you wear on your hand
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21. to catch the ball? I love that thing.
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22. They sure make protective cups
look pretty these days.
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23. Bobby might just have
to fight me for this one.
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24. Baseball, huh?
So, you're really going to do this again?
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25. Apparently…
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26. I found the batting gloves I want.
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27. Look at me, I'm a chicken.
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28. Hey, Hank.
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29. - Getting Bobby outfitted for the season?
- Uh, yep.
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30. - Again?
- Yep.
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31. I'm sorry, buddy.
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32. Hey, check this out.
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33. South Arlen started up
their own baseball league.
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34. Arlen South Youth Baseball?
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35. Never heard of it.
I don't know anyone who plays there.
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36. Which means nobody knows me.
Or Bobby. A clean slate.
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37. Get it off me. Oh, it's eating my face!
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38. This place is great.
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39. The newly-cut grass,
the freshly-squeezed lemonade.
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40. Exactly like my childhood
should have been.
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41. Skills Day?
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42. These kids are being scrutinized
and analyzed like a herd of cattle
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43. at auction. Which makes perfect sense.
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44. Where do you think Kobe beef comes from?
Japanese baseball players.
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45. Uh-oh, is that Chet McKay?
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46. Uh! No.
Just another idiot with adult braces.
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47. Well, I think it's safe to say
I don't know anyone here.
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48. I tell you what,
it's nice to make a fresh start.
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49. I feel like a serial killer
who relocated to Mexico.
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50. Number 231, Bobby Hill.
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51. Okay, Bobby. Be discreet.
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52. Hi, there. Are you
Bobby's father?
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53. I'm Coach Bradford. Bobby will be playing
for me on the Stingers.
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54. Ah, hello, Coach.
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55. Uh, you know those chubby kids
that can't run,
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56. but can whack the hell out of a ball?
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57. Well, Bobby's not one of them.
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58. Uh, sorry if he costs you any wins.
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59. In my experience,
only losers talk about winning.
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60. Winning's for losers.
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61. I'm about support and opportunity.
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62. I don't make wins. I make winners!
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63. Delicious, nutritious winners.
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64. And the happy by-product is,
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65. by the time I'm done with your son,
he's going to be a hell of a ballplayer.
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66. Well, I appreciate the effort,
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67. but I know Bobby,
and that's not really realistic.
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68. Of course it is. That's what
this organization is all about.
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69. See, ASYB is a strong network
of parents and volunteers
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70. all with one goal:
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71. making better ballplayers
and better children.
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72. Parents and volunteers?
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73. Can anyone make better children,
even if they never made children?
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74. They sure can.
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75. Non-parental volunteers
are the most dedicated
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76. and admired members of our team.
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77. I'm in! Take that, Big Brothers!
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78. Okay, Bobby, this is a pitch and go drill.
He pitches; you swing and go.
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79. Hit, no hit, you go. Got it?
You hit, and what do you do?
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80. I go.
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81. You sure do! And not just to first base,
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82. but to every got-dang dream
you'll ever chase!
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83. Leg it out, leg it out! Leg it out!
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84. Leg it out, leg it out, leg it out!
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85. You are a child with potential!
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86. You are a reservoir of hope!
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87. You are a winner!
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88. I am proud of you!
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89. You're making me proud of me too.
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90. Uh… About your outfit, Bill…
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91. No.
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92. I wear Arlen South Youth Baseball
on the outside
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93. because I'm Arlen South Youth Baseball
on the inside.
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94. Hey, Bobby. How was practice?
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95. Brutal. I hurt in places
you're always talking about.
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96. Does that mean you want to quit?
Because you can.
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97. You can quit baseball forever.
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98. Quit? No, I love it.
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99. But right now, I'm too tired
to make it to the house.
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100. Can someone put down an orange cone
so no one drives on me?
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101. Well, this is the game right here.
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102. Tying and winning runs
in scoring position.
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103. A hit, we win. An out, we lose.
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104. Hello, Hills. Good to see you here.
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105. Hey, you look thirsty.
Can I point you toward the snack stand?
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106. I find nothing quenches the thirst
quite like a drink from the snack stand.
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107. No, Bill, we're good. We brought water.
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108. Why didn't you just go to the snack stand,
reach into the till
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109. and help yourself to the money we rely on
to keep this great program afloat?
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110. - Next up, Bobby Hill.
- What?
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111. They're putting Bobby in?
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112. He hasn't played all day,
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113. and now the coach is putting him in
with two outs?
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114. Whoo! Oh, yeah, Bobby!
Show them what you got!
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115. No, Bobby, don't!
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116. He did it. He accidentally did it.
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117. That's as many hits as he had
the last two seasons combined.
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118. - Whoo-hoo!
- Well, I got to hand it to you, Coach.
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119. I thought you were crazy
putting Bobby in there,
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120. but you must have known
what you were doing.
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121. Yeah, this is what happens
when you support a child.
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122. Huh?
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123. See, I haven't given up on Bobby
the way you have.
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124. - Poor kid.
- Shameful.
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125. There should be a law.
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126. I can't believe
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127. he said I gave up on Bobby.
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128. I mean, maybe I have,
but it wasn't all at once.
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129. It was a slow, painful process.
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130. I always dreamed
that Bobby might be the hero
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131. on the ball field one day,
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132. and then, when it finally happened,
I couldn't enjoy it.
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133. Did you give up on your son? Yes.
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134. Was it particularly bad parenting? Yes.
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135. The important thing is,
you still have time to overcompensate.
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136. Well, I'm going to start fresh with Bobby.
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137. From now on, I'm going to support him
no matter what.
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138. You are truly one of the best fathers
who gave up on his son
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139. and changed his mind about it
that has ever lived.
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140. You're really going to help
with practice, Dad?
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141. I thought you gave that up back in T-ball,
that day I struck out looking.
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142. - Well, what should we do?
- Why is he just standing there?
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143. That'll dang ol' done strike three, man.
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144. Well, the past is the past.
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145. The important thing is,
I'm here right now.
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146. There he is: Great Bobbino!
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147. We're here, Coach. Ready for practice.
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148. All right, Bobby, go do some sprints.
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149. So, you want me to shag some balls
or chalk the field or lead a pepper drill?
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150. - Where do you want me?
- As far from the field as possible.
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151. You come from a position of negativity,
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152. and I want you to report
to someone who understands
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153. what we're trying to do here:
Bill Dauterive.
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154. Maybe some of his winning attitude
will rub off on you.
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155. I need to talk to you about Coach…
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156. No, no, no, no. You listen to me.
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157. You will double the salt,
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158. or you will find a new place
to peddle your sunflower seeds.
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159. Good-bye.
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160. Yes, sir. How may I help you?
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161. I came here to help with practice,
but Bradford won't let me on the field.
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162. All I want to do
is just watch my son play baseball.
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163. Really?
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164. Last I heard, you wanted
to see him quit baseball.
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165. Watch it, Bill.
I am just looking for an ass to kick.
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166. I'll give it to you straight, Hank.
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167. You're seen as a negative influence
around here.
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168. Before anyone lets you
on the baseball field,
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169. you're going to have to prove yourself,
show your commitment to the league.
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170. Dang it, Bill.
How am I supposed to do that?
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171. Large suicide, extra diet.
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172. Diet? You can't put diet in a suicide.
It will ruin it.
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173. What button turns off the commentary?
Just pour it, jerk.
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174. Hey, isn't that the guy
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175. who gave up on his kid?
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176. Yeah, I wish he'd give up
on the snack stand too.
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177. Hey, hey…
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178. Hello, Hank. I'll have a cheeseburger.
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179. Hold the lettuce, pickles,
cheese, and meat,
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180. and instead of special sauce,
I'd like very special sauce.
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181. Dang it, Dale, move.
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182. Hank, this is not the kind of service
I expect from my employees.
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183. I am not your employee.
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184. Do you ever want to get on the field
to see Bobby play?
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185. A cheeseless, burgerless cheeseburger.
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186. How would you like that cooked?
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187. Come on, Bobby, you're a rainbow.
The fastest rainbow in the world!
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188. Yeah.
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189. Whoo!
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190. A personal best by.02 seconds!
That is how you do it!
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191. You're going to be
in the Major Leagues someday.
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192. All right!
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193. Hey, Bobby, I was wondering
if you wanted to hit the batting cages.
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194. What are you doing?
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195. I'm practicing my baseball card stance.
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196. Coach said that one day,
if I work really hard,
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197. - I could be a Major Leaguer.
- What?
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198. I should start figuring out
what team I want to play for.
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199. Chicago has great fans,
but New York has the nightlife.
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200. Well, I'm glad you're excited,
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201. but it takes a lot of ability and whatnot
to be in the big leagues.
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202. Wait, are you saying you don't believe
I can do it?
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203. Because coach sure thinks I can.
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204. Look, I'm glad you're having fun,
but the big leagues is quite a stretch.
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205. It's just, I just, I don't want you
to be disappointed
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206. when it definitely doesn't happen.
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207. I'm sorry, Dad,
but I have set my mind to it,
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208. and that means
with enough hard work and dedication,
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209. it'll happen. Right?
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210. Well, son…
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211. Uh. I think
you should play for the Yankees.
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212. All right,
let's show 'em some stick there, Bobby!
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213. You know, Hank, staring out the window
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214. sure isn't proving your commitment
to the organization.
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215. Dang it, Bill, I need to talk to you
about Coach Bradford.
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216. He's raising Bobby's expectations,
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217. and that's the wrong direction
for that boy's expectations to go.
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218. Uh-huh.
Is a little bit of positivity a bad thing?
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219. Well, sometimes yes.
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220. This isn't going to end well.
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221. Bradford's just setting Bobby up
for one big fall.
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222. Envelopes.
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223. Better get back on task
if you want to get back on that field.
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224. Now, I'm off to get wined and dined
by the sunflower seed people.
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225. So you'll have to answer my calls.
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226. If there's an emergency,
you can reach me on my cell phone.
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227. Understood?
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228. Dang it, what did I miss?
How'd Bobby get to third?
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229. - Hello.
- It's Bradford.
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230. Who's this? Bobby's unsupportive dad?
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231. Yes.
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232. Listen, the assistant coach had to leave.
I'm shorthanded out here.
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233. Maybe you can make some calls,
find someone to help out on the field.
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234. Well, why don't I come down?
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235. Uh, I believe a child's potential
is like a flower.
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236. Properly nurtured and watered,
it can get really good at baseball.
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237. Uh, I don't know.
Do you have Bill's permission?
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238. Yes. Yes, I do, definitely.
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239. Dad, you missed it.
I looked alive out here.
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240. I looked alive!
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241. Well, I'm not going to miss any more.
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242. We're short a few boys.
Mind standing in at catcher?
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243. - Hoo! Not a bit. I played some catcher…
- Yeah.
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244. Nice grab.
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245. Be ready in the outfield, Bobby.
He can really give it a ride.
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246. Dang, that kid's fast.
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247. Nice scoop.
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248. Oh, my God,
we might have a play at the plate.
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249. Play's at home, play's at home.
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250. Yeah! He's out of there!
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251. Mr. Hill hit a kid!
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252. - I understand you're Hank Hill?
- Yes.
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253. Speak into the microphone, please.
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254. Look, I'm sorry I hurt that boy,
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255. but it's not like he had to go
to the hospital or anything.
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256. I hit him in the helmet, for God's sake.
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257. If I may, Mr. Chairman?
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258. Mr. Hill,
the boy may not have lost any blood,
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259. but he lost something more
important, his innocence.
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260. All because you lied your way
onto that field.
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261. That, sir, was your greatest offense.
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262. Fine, I'll go back to the snack stand.
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263. No, you won't, Mr. Hill.
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264. You are hereby banned
from Arlen South facilities for life.
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265. Well, I just got off the phone
with the mother of that boy I hit.
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266. She said he's okay.
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267. She also said some other stuff,
but not in language I care to repeat.
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268. She's an emotional woman.
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269. I am so sorry you can't be there
to watch Bobby's game.
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270. I'll record the whole thing.
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271. And here, let me get a shot of you
so we can remember how sad you were.
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272. Uncle Hank, don't think of it
as being banned from the baseball league.
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273. Think of it
as being welcome everywhere else.
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274. Hey, son, don't forget your batting gloves
and your bubble gum chaw.
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275. And listen, I just want you to know
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276. I really wish I could be
at your game today.
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277. Dad, it's okay you're not coming.
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278. Because Coach is going to be there.
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279. I'm not going to lie.
I'm sensing some tension here.
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280. And I'm not going to lie,
I'm kind of enjoying it.
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281. Talkin' 'bout ol' dang ol' Hank, man,
Bill done you up all kinds of wrong, man.
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282. Well, thanks, Boomhauer.
I'm glad someone here is making sense.
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283. You think I'm unfair, Hank?
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284. Just be glad I'm allowing you contact
with Bobby at all.
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285. Okay, that does it.
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286. I have had it with you.
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287. Now, do you have somewhere to be?
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288. Because I'd like to know what direction
I should kick your ass in.
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289. I have to go anyway.
It's almost time for the game,
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290. and unlike some people,
I'm allowed to be there.
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291. Oh, guess what? Bobby's starting today.
Too bad you can't see it.
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292. Bobby's starting?
He hasn't started in years.
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293. Remember when the stomach flu
was going around?
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294. Bobby's team
could only field eight players,
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295. and he still didn't start.
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296. They actually had a kid
playing "lenter field."
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297. Dang it, this is a huge moment for Bobby.
I am not going to miss it.
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298. Come on, Stingers, let's do this.
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299. I'm so proud of my little right fielder.
You know, outfield is the new infield.
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300. Batter up.
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301. I got it!
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302. Come on, Bobby, catch this.
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303. Way to get under it, Bobby!
You're a heck of a ballplayer!
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304. Hey!
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305. Way to swarm the ball, Bobby!
That's what I'm talking about!
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306. But I missed.
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307. That kid in right is a mess out there.
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308. Weak right field!
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309. - What?
- Hit it to right.
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310. This is horrible.
I can't let Gracie watch.
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311. Come on, Coach! Pull Bobby!
What the hell are you doing?
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312. - Come on!
- Hey, Bobby, you can do this!
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313. Coach, Coach, time out.
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314. I'm getting killed out here.
You got to take me out of the game.
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315. I'm not giving up on you, Bobbino!
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316. Now, get out there
and give it everything you have!
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317. Dang it, Bradford's just going
to let him squirm out there?
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318. I can't look. What happened?
Did he catch it?
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319. Oh, my gosh. He went invisible.
I don't blame him.
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320. Nope, he got taken out.
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321. The coach didn't know
what was good for Bobby,
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322. but his father did.
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323. Thank God you came, Dad.
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324. Whew!
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325. That must be what it feels like
in baseball hell.
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326. I guess that means
I was never any good, was I?
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327. Well, no, son, you weren't…
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328. but, you know, there's lots of stuff
you are good at,
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329. like video games and comedy.
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330. You should be very proud of your comedy.
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331. You know what? I am.
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332. So, do you think there's a chance
I would have caught that last fly ball?
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333. - No.
- Me neither.
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334. About your outfit, Bill, no.
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