1. Ripped By mstoll
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2. I'll have another giant
lollipop, my good man.
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3. But this time, put a wig on it.
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4. I didn't know you could do that.
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5. Yeah, I know all
the secret menus, Bobby.
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6. Like, if you go
just about anywhere
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7. and ask for a "Hugging Cow,"
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8. you'll get a burger
wrapped in pastrami.
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9. Mr. Dauterive, there is so much
I can learn from you.
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10. Dad...
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11. No.
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12. Go a little slower
with the junk food, Bill.
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13. Bill?
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14. Bill?
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15. Sergeant, you passed out
from a blood sugar spike.
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16. Looks like you're in the early
stages of adult-onset diabetes.
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17. Diabetes?
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18. That can't be right.
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19. I've eaten lots of sugar
my whole life
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20. and nothing's ever
happened to me.
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21. Surely you've noticed
recent changes in your body:
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22. Blurred vision,
frequent urination,
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23. tingling in the hands and feet?
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24. I just thought I was in love.
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25. How did this happen?
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26. Seriously?
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27. Diabetes is very common
among the obese.
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28. For some people, there's even
a genetic disposition...
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29. Damn genes!
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30. Diabetes is a very
manageable disease.
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31. If you do a better job
with diet and exercise,
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32. you'll stop it from progressing.
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33. Yeah, genes!
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34. Well, they say diabetes
can happen to anyone,
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35. and "anyone" usually means Bill.
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36. My genes have been
plotting to kill me
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37. since the day I was born.
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38. Yeah, you keep talking
about your genes,
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39. but what about your diet?
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40. Hank, it's not my fault!
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41. My pancreas went out on me.
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42. Yes, it probably is.
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43. You've got to start taking
better care of yourself.
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44. I just lose control
when I'm around food.
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45. I don't even know
where this hot dog came from!
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46. You got to help me, Hank!
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47. Okay, Bill, I'll go with you
to the grocery store,
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48. but only if you're serious
about changing your diet.
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49. I know you only let me
say it on Thanksgiving,
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50. but I'm grateful for you, Hank.
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51. But it's carrots!
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52. We already went over this
with the zucchini muffins.
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53. Oh, I give up!
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54. It's my mom's fault.
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55. When I was sad,
she'd give me cookies.
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56. But when I was happy,
she'd give me cookies.
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57. All of my emotions
demand cookies, Hank!
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58. Let's see... for dinner,
I ate a lean chicken breast,
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59. some broccoli,
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60. and one cookie.
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61. You know, diabetics like him
could really benefit
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62. from some basic
nutrition counseling.
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63. Oh, that's an
interesting theory.
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64. But you know what I
learned at med school?
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65. Oh, that's right.
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66. You weren't there.
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67. You may see a diabetic,
but what I see is
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68. a diabetic who will never
get his act together.
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69. Oh, I see that
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70. under "Are you taking
any medications?"
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71. you wrote "Jell-O."
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72. Mm-hmm. I wrote that
so I wouldn't forget to ask.
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73. Three, please.
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74. You probably want me to say
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75. that you can just diet and
exercise your way out of this.
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76. But two blood sugar
spikes in a week.
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77. Sooner or later,
this will kill you.
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78. Probably sooner.
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79. What... What should I do?
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80. Well, we have plenty
of nice pamphlets
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81. that I'm sure you'll ignore.
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82. But this is how I see
your diabetes playing out.
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83. First comes heart disease,
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84. then kidney
failure, then blindness.
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85. Oh, and you'll lose your legs,
to gangrene.
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86. Wait...
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87. Are you just
giving me tough love?
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88. Have you seen other doctors?
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89. Yes.
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90. Did they tell you
to diet and exercise?
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91. Yes.
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92. Did you do it?
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93. Here, take this.
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94. You'll end up in a
wheelchair anyway.
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95. Might as well get one now, while
you still have good insurance.
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96. You know, it's amazing
we never get sunburned.
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97. Yep.
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98. Mm-hmm.
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99. I can't believe Bill's
in the hospital again.
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100. After all the time I spent
with him grocery shopping.
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101. What did you expect?
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102. Bill can't keep his hands
off the sweets.
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103. He's just like Winnie the Pooh.
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104. Who also has diabetes.
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105. Is that Bill?
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106. Bill?
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107. What the heck is going on?
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108. Why are you in a wheelchair?
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109. Oh, this?
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110. No, I'm okay.
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111. I'm just gonna lose
my legs and then die.
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112. See ya later.
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113. Take with food,
take without food.
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114. It's all so confusing.
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115. No one ever said
the d-life was easy.
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116. The d-life?
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117. Diabetic life.
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118. He probably has to use
so many abbreviations
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119. because there's so
little time left.
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120. I got to tell you, Bill,
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121. I'm surprised your diabetes
advanced so quickly.
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122. As a Diabetic-American,
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123. you can never know
what's coming your way.
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124. Dr. Weissman said
it's only a matter of time
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125. before I lose
more than just legs.
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126. Well, don't worry, buddy,
we're here to take care of you.
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127. Whatever you need.
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128. And we're gonna start
by retrofitting your house.
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129. Thanks, guys.
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130. I'm gonna go read my "Footprints
in the Sand" poster now.
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131. He's being so brave.
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132. Ah, you should've
seen him, Peggy.
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133. You could never really describe
Bill as "able-bodied" before,
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134. but now it's not even an option.
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135. Well, rest assured that diabetes
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136. is not happening to this family.
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137. Which is why I've
already made some changes
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138. at La Cocina de Peggy.
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139. Come on, Mom, I'm just a kid.
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140. This carrot is just like
that lollipop at the fair.
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141. Only it has a wig of alfalfa
sprouts instead of spun sugar.
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142. And here's an onion.
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143. This would go a little easier
if you'd give me a hand, buddy.
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144. I don't want to go out!
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145. Just drop me, like God did.
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146. Come on, we're gonna find you
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147. a nice wheelchair-
friendly park.
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148. Or maybe just some
really long pavement.
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149. After I die, I want my ashes
put in a snow globe, Hank.
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150. Promise me that.
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151. You're not gonna die, Bill.
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152. We'll stop and get a new
knob for your joystick.
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153. I want an eight ball.
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154. I used to run and be free
just like them.
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155. Can you help me find
a position of comfort, Hank?
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156. Oh, we forgot your
pillow in the truck.
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157. I'll be right back.
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158. Hey, you want in?
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159. Uh, no, thanks, I can't.
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160. Not with that attitude, bro.
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161. I'm Sam, but I go by
Rolling Thunder,
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162. but I go by Thunder for short.
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163. Wow.
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164. I was gonna call you that
before I even knew your name.
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165. What's up with
the electric wheelchair?
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166. You should shake that Prius for
something that runs on muscle.
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167. Oh, no, my arms
are all I've got left.
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168. I want to use them
as little as possible.
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169. I'm not a fan of
that kind of talk, now.
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170. Check out my ride.
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171. Chrome, crushed velvet,
spinners, bumpers.
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172. I'm in complete control, bro.
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173. Check it out, huh.
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174. I'm stylin', I'm profilin'.
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175. I'm stylin'
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176. and profilin'.
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177. Wow, you just made
walking seem lame.
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178. Hell, yeah.
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179. Come on, I got
a spare one in the truck.
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180. You can have it.
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181. W-Wait!
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182. I can't!
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183. Nice!
Woo-hoo!
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184. Ow!
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185. Hey, ladies, come here
and sit in my lap.
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186. I'll pretend
I'm a massage chair.
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187. You just talked to them.
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188. Hey, hey, are you all right?
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189. Do you need help?
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190. Did he ask you for help?
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191. Oh, he's your attendant.
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192. Yeah, I-I guess so.
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193. I'm Hank.
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194. Are you gonna propose
to me or something?
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195. You know, it's Adam and Eve
not Adam and Steve.
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196. What?
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197. I have to go with him, Hank.
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198. He called me "bro."
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199. Bill looks so happy.
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200. Who would've guessed it was his
legs that were holding him back?
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201. Yep. Bill's been
way more upbeat
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202. since he's been
hanging out with Thunder.
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203. He seems like a good guy.
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204. I mean, he's pretty insulting
to me personally, but...
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205. Hank, we're going out.
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206. You want to come along?
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207. Plenty of room in the
back, for an attendant.
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208. Thunder, I'm gonna
have to adjust this mirror
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209. to get a better view
of my amazing new pythons.
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210. You know, I think I'll stay
and attend to my beer.
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211. That is, if, uh,
if you don't need me.
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212. Oh, yeah, we're okay.
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213. We can take care of ourselves.
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214. My life would be so different
if my name was Thunder.
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215. Or Sean.
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216. Oh, hey!
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217. Go talk to someone.
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218. Women find guys in chairs
non-threatening.
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219. Suckers.
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220. I don't know.
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221. My palms are sweaty,
I-I can hardly grip my wheels.
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222. Yeah, bring it around! Woo-hoo!
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223. Woo-hoo!
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224. Oh, look at this delicious food
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225. my mom painstakingly
Saran-wrapped for me.
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226. My word, it looks so tasty.
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227. And yet, I am willing to trade.
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228. Oh, I gotta have it!
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229. Let's trade!
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230. What is it?
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231. It says it's seaweed.
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232. No way, Jose.
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233. But you generally like
eating gross things!
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234. I know.
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235. This surprises me, too.
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236. Whoa.
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237. Nice chair!
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238. Are those wheels angled
for stability
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239. or just to make you look cool?
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240. Both.
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241. Thanks, Dale.
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242. Yeah, this chair is built
for ramming into stuff.
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243. Thunder gave me a spot
on his rugby team!
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244. Good for you, Bill!
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245. Okay,
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246. We've lowered almost everything
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247. in your house by two feet.
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248. And now we're gonna build you
a ramp for the entryway.
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249. Yeah, that's nice,
but I've decided
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250. I don't need a ramp anymore.
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251. I was thinking maybe we'll build
a basketball court instead.
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252. Got dang, man,
look at you, like a dang,
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253. like dang 'ol Lance Armstrong,
man, gettin' by on one, man.
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254. Inspired, Bill.
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255. Sometimes
it's a man sitting down
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256. who stands the tallest.
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257. It's deep.
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258. Think about it.
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259. Oh, maybe it's the other way
around.
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260. All right, Bill!
Whoo!
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261. Just because you've
been cheated by life
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262. doesn't mean you can cheat
on my court!
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263. Bill is really
hustling out there!
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264. This is amazing.
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265. He never played rugby
even when he had legs.
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266. Mm-mmm.
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267. I've never felt more alive
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268. than watching Bill
feel more alive.
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269. Well, the ol' bladder's full.
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270. Need to make room for more beer.
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271. Bro?
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272. No. Wait, no!
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273. I-I'm disabled
like you!
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274. I've got diabetes really bad.
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275. I'll prove it!
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276. Normal.
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277. Very funny.
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278. Very funny!
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279. Are you pranking us?
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280. Are you like that Archton
Karchner or something? Huh?
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281. What? That's strange.
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282. I... I have diabetes.
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283. I mean, I mean, not right now.
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284. My, my, my sugar level
is pretty good today.
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285. What's going on?
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286. I think that guy stole
someone's wheelchair.
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287. It's nice,
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288. but I'm not sure if
it says Bill yet.
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289. Let's give it a beer.
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290. What is going on?
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291. You're-you're walking?
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292. Uh, yeah, Hank, just
'cause he's a paraplegic
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293. doesn't mean his
legs don't work.
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294. Wait a minute...
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295. Yeah, I can walk.
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296. And I lost my diabetes, too!
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297. What?
I don't know what happened.
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298. One minute I was
all diabetic-y, and now...
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299. I'm fine.
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300. I don't get it.
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301. Dr. Weissman told me
I was gonna lose my legs!
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302. Hold on, I-I thought
you already lost your legs.
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303. I don't know!
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304. My doctor told me
to get a wheelchair.
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305. When people yell at me,
I do what they say!
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306. So we did all this for nothing?
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307. We've practically rebuilt
your house, Bill!
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308. And I literally dragged
you all over town!
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309. Oh, sure, feel sorry
for yourself.
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310. You've never been handicapped.
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311. Neither have you!
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312. Whee!
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313. This is awkward and sad.
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314. What is that?
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315. Some plant called wheatgrass.
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316. Wait, what is she doing?
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317. Dude,
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318. she's gonna drink the ground!
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319. Bobby!
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320. Oh, there you are.
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321. Snack time!
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322. I can't watch you
suffer anymore, dude.
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323. Here, have my candy bar.
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324. Really?
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325. Oh, thank God.
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326. It's too sweet!
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327. It's making my teeth itch!
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328. Oh, my God!
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329. You haven't had sugar all week
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330. and now you're not
used to it anymore!
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331. I...
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332. I can't eat it, Joseph.
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333. Huh... not bad.
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334. Man, dang 'ol, Bill, man.
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335. Phew... You know.
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336. I'm furious, too, Boomhauer.
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337. I can't drink in peace with Bill
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338. standing there like that.
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339. S'go.
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340. I'm sorry, Hank.
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341. I'd walk away, but that'd
just remind me I can walk.
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342. I don't know
why you're so mopey, Bill.
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343. You can walk again.
You're cured.
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344. No, you don't understand.
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345. I had it all in that wheelchair.
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346. Women paid attention to me.
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347. Buses would lower themselves
before me.
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348. When I'd check the mail,
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349. people would call it a "triumph
of the human spirit."
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350. But now, nothing.
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351. People only cared about me
when I was disabled.
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352. You know that's not true.
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353. Then carry me, Hank.
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354. No.
Case closed.
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355. Bill, people seemed to care
about you more
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356. because you were doing inspiring
things in that wheelchair.
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357. And how am I supposed
to be inspiring with legs?
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358. By running a marathon?
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359. By climbing Mount Everest?
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360. I can't climb Mount Everest.
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361. And it's already been done
thousands of times!
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362. What in the hell are you doing?
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363. Why, why won't my sugar level
spike again, Hank?
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364. I want things to be like before!
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365. Cut it out! You'll end
up in the hospital!
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366. I know!
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367. That's what I'm trying to do!
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368. Nope, not happening, bro.
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369. All that exercise you got
hanging out with me
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370. got you in control
of your diabetes.
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371. You're welcome.
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372. Why'd you bring him here, Hank?
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373. To rub it in?
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374. I brought him here
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375. to talk some sense into you
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376. because you're acting
like a jackass.
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377. I just wanted to be special
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378. and inspiring like you
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379. and FDR and Larry Flynt.
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380. Bro, you cured yourself.
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381. That's pretty inspiring.
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382. That's right.
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383. Dr. Weissman said
you'd never walk again.
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384. He told you to give up,
and you didn't.
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385. You beat diabetes, Bill!
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386. Someone'll probably write
a whole pamphlet about you!
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387. You know, if I were you
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388. the first thing I'd do
with my legs is stand up
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389. and kick your doctor's ass.
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390. But for the record,
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391. I don't need legs
to kick anyone's ass.
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392. Dr. Weissman,
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393. my friend Bill would like
to register a complaint.
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394. Ooh.
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395. Are you upset or something?
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396. I said you had diabetes,
not cry-a-betes.
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397. You told me I was gonna
lose my legs!
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398. No, I said your legs
could fail one day.
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399. Possibly... I... I
never said anything
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400. that could constitute
malpractice
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401. under its current definition.
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402. Mm-hmm.
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403. My legs work just fine.
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404. Isn't that inspiring?
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405. Ow! Ow! Ow!
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406. Uh, my friend is just, uh...
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407. I don't hear a thing.
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408. Ripped By mstoll
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