1. Ho, boy, another day
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2. of triple digit temperatures.
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3. Now it's official,
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4. this heat wave has lasted
longer than my second marriage.
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5. So wherever you are, Rhonda,
this song goes out to you.
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6. Oh, too hot.
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7. Can't make it to my house.
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8. Mm-hmm. Dang.
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9. Well, I'll be.
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10. I guess that makes it official.
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11. It's summer, all right.
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12. Is it me or did it just get
a few degrees cooler
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13. since Boomhauer walked out.
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14. Aw, man, dang
ol' breezy, man.
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15. Man, that's a straight cut.
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16. Will you do me a half shirt?
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17. Nice daisy dukes.
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18. Bobby, have you seen my...
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19. Joseph, isn't it time you think
about, uh, heading home?
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20. I can't take it at my house.
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21. My dad has the heat
cranked all the way up.
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22. He said something about
fighting fire with fire,
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23. but it wasn't
working for me.
Quiet!
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24. Look.
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25. Now featuring,
the Big Ka-tube-ah.
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26. The hottest,
coolest wave in Texas!
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27. We have to go!
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28. Dad, will you take us?
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29. Please?
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30. Yeah, you gotta
take us, dude.
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31. I'm starting to leave
a butt-puddle.
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32. Fine.
Just put on your pants.
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33. Oh, that's not good at all.
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34. Hank Hill here.
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35. Hank, it's Bill.
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36. I got a flat on the bypass.
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37. It's hot, it's hot!
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38. It's so hot!
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39. You gotta come get me.
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40. Fine.
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41. Dangit, now I gotta go
pick up Mr. Dauterive.
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42. You kids remember
the exit to the water park?
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43. No, dude, it's...
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44. No, it's...
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45. It's right there.
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46. Thank God.
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47. Where's Hank?
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48. I, I can't take it!
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49. Help! I need help!
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50. They're waving at me.
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51. They're really waving at me.
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52. I'm waving at you!
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53. And you and you!
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54. Hello!
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55. Do you guys hear that?
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56. That's water!
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57. Look how high
that slide goes.
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58. That's "The Avalanche,"
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59. and it's horrifying.
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60. Some kid went on it,
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61. and all that came out the
bottom was a bathing suit.
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62. They never found him.
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63. I heard in the middle
of the slide,
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64. there's a moment
where you're traveling so fast,
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65. you actually become water.
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66. Three tickets, please.
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67. Would you like to
get summer passes?
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68. No.
Please, Dad.
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69. If you won't do it for me,
do it for your lawn.
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70. A slip and slide
can be very destructive.
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71. Okay, but this is your entire
summer entertainment budget.
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72. Don't come to me
in a couple of days
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73. and say you're bored
of the water park
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74. like you did
with the French horn lessons,
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75. the karate lessons,
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76. and spy camp.
I won't.
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77. I'll be too refreshed
to bother you.
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78. Hey, man,
dang ol' air hockey, man?
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79. Who wants to dang ol' take
on the champ, man?
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80. Let me see what you got.
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81. Hi there!
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82. Have a nice day!
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83. Well, your tire's fixed.
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84. You can get out of here now.
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85. In a minute. Ooh!
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86. I got a school bus coming.
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87. Hey there, children!
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88. Uh, Bill, it's over
a hundred degrees out,
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89. and you don't have...
uh, how do I say this?
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90. You don't have many...
health assets.
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91. You should get inside.
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92. DEEJAY #1:
It is a hot one today,
I'll tell you.
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93. Too hot for pants.
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94. DEEJAY #2:
Yikes, I gotta work
with this guy, people,
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95. and he's serious about
taking off his pants.
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96. I am, but I'll tell you,
one resident of Arlen
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97. is offering this community
a little relief from the heat
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98. in the form of a kind, cool wave
from the side of the highway.
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99. People toss around
the word "hero,"
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100. but this guy's
a real hero.
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101. I don't know his
name, so I guess
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102. we can only call him
the Heat-Waver.
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103. Thank you, Heat-Waver.
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104. They talked about me
on the radio!
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105. I matter!
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106. Take that, Dad!
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107. That's the kid
from the commercial.
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108. And he's going bananas!
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109. Visor dude, you're in.
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110. Hot girl, you're definitely in.
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111. What about us?
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112. Why don't you kiddies
hit up the tad pool?
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113. Get out of here.
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114. Locals only, mothers!
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115. Get off our wave!
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116. Maybe we should go.
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117. No way.
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118. I didn't spend my
entire summer budget
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119. to slide down a
little frog tongue.
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120. Can I help you?
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121. Oh, thank goodness, an adult.
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122. We want to ride,
but they won't let us.
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123. I see.
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124. Then I guess it
sucks to be you.
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125. What?
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126. I have a summer pass
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127. and I demand to cool down
and get wet!
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128. Hey, Harkey.
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129. These kids want to get wet.
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130. You know what that means.
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131. Yeah, full on, Bodie.
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132. Welcome to The Avalanche.
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133. You must ride feet first
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134. with your arms
crossed over your chest.
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135. Don't do this!
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136. Ride this wave, Grommet.
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137. I think he just
turned into water.
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138. They wouldn't let us ride
because we weren't "locals."
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139. Locals only?
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140. That's the most insane thing
I've ever heard of.
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141. Nobody lives in
an amusement park.
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142. That is so weird
because I always
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143. have really good experiences
with surfers.
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144. Didn't they help put your
sunscreen on, Bobby?
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145. No.
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146. I got it.
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147. I have found that bullies
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148. are actually very insecure.
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149. Tomorrow, tell him
he has a nice smile,
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150. and he will become
your best friend.
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151. I'm not going back.
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152. They specifically
told me not to.
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153. By the way, I'm gonna need
some money for the mall.
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154. No, you don't.
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155. We're going back
to that water park
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156. and I'll deal with those locals.
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157. Not all surfers
are bad, Bobby.
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158. I read in a magazine
about a girl surfer
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159. who was attacked by a shark,
and against all odds,
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160. she still managed to be pretty.
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161. Happy Hump Day!
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162. Hang in there,
it's almost Friday!
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163. Buckle up now!
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164. Stay cool, Arlen!
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165. Welcome to Big Water!
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166. Can I point you
to the gift shop?
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167. No. My son wants to ride
on your endless wave,
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168. but some giblet heads
won't let him.
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169. They're giblet heads!
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170. And the last time I checked,
this was America.
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171. U.S.A.!
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172. That is terrible.
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173. I will take care
of this immediately.
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174. Big Water may be owned
by Germans,
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175. but we have
very American policies
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176. when it comes
to customer service.
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177. Well, all right.
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178. Excuse me, Bodie.
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179. Can I speak to you for a second?
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180. Of course, Tim.
What's up?
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181. Tell him what's up, Tim.
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182. This kid's daddy just came
and talked to me about you guys.
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183. I just call him "Dad."
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184. Dangit, Bodie,
I don't ask any questions
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185. about what goes on
on Coconut Island.
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186. Now, I'm leaving this boy
in your hands,
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187. and I don't want to have
to come back here.
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188. In fact, I'm not coming
back because I trust
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189. that you'll take care
of this situation.
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190. Yes, sir, Tim.
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191. No, no, no, wait!
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192. Wait, Tim!
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193. Don't leave now!
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194. Tim!
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195. Yep.
Yup.
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196. Oh, man.
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197. What are you kids
doing back already?
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198. The locals messed with us again.
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199. I go to get the kids
and those punks
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200. throw me down Avalanche, too.
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201. And they disrespected
my half-shirt.
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202. Well, what happened
to the manager?
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203. That manager made things worse.
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204. I got thrown down the Avalanche,
naked!
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205. Joseph, why didn't you help him?
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206. Because I ran away.
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207. Nicely done.
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208. I'm never going back
to that park again
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209. so long as there are surfers.
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210. Maybe you could talk
to those guys, Boomhauer.
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211. Boomhauer used to be the best
surfer in Corpus Christi.
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212. Now, I don't know
about that, man.
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213. What do you mean?
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214. You were amazing.
King of the beach.
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215. A golden god on a wooden board.
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216. Not too bad.
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217. You know, that ol...
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218. Do you really think
you could talk some sense
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219. into these guys,
Boomhauer?
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220. Of course he could!
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221. Wow!
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222. Look how
stable he is.
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223. Is this even
surfing?
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224. I think
he's kayaking.
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225. Bill, what are you doing
out here? You look terrible!
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226. We got to get you
inside now.
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227. I won't go!
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228. I have a responsibility
to the people of Arlen.
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229. Stop looking at me
like that, Peggy.
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230. Stop it!
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231. Yeah, I've surfed
all the big waves.
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232. Six Flags, Busch Gardens.
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233. Even tore up Tivoli World.
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234. That's in Malaga, Spain.
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235. Yeah, bro. I told
you he was the man.
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236. Hey, man, come on
now, you little...
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237. Just tell us
when it's safe.
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238. Hey, brahs,
check out this hodad.
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239. What are you lookin' for, brah?
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240. I'm talkin' about
them little kids, man.
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241. You got to let them
little kids ride, man.
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242. I'm talking one surfer
to another, man.
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243. Well, if you're really a
surfer like you say you are,
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244. then you'll do your
talking on the wave.
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245. That's the only
language I comprende.
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246. Comprende?
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247. Check it out,
Harkey.
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248. You order
a picnic table?
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249. This old dude's confused.
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250. Your shorts
should be long,
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251. and your board
should be short.
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252. You got it
backwards, broham.
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253. Do you have a shorter
board, Mr. Boomhauer?
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254. Hey, man, it's
like I said,
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255. them dang ol' surfin's
surf in, man.
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256. You show 'em how we do it
in Arlen, Mr. Boomhauer!
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257. Fog!
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258. Crumbeater!
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259. Loser!
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260. Ugh. Do they have
air conditioning at the library?
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261. Use it or lose
it, old friend.
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262. You losed it.
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263. So, just the two of
us today, huh, Hank?
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264. Yup.
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265. Huh.
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266. So, it's just, uh,
me and you, then.
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267. Just two men
drinking together.
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268. Not in a group.
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269. Uh, I'm gonna go
check on Bill.
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270. Yes, go get Bill.
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271. Great idea.
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272. Bill?
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273. It's Hank.
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274. Uh, just wanted to stop by
and see how you're doing.
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275. Oh,
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276. I'm feeling much better.
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277. B-a-ah!
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278. I'm getting back
on the road, Hank.
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279. Absolutely not.
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280. But I'm The Heat-Waver.
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281. The heat...
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282. You're not leaving
this home.
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283. Oh. Oh, the burns!
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284. My skin hurts!
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285. Okay, okay.
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286. I won't get back out there
today.
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287. but you got to do something
for me, Hank.
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288. What?
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289. Be my arms.
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290. Wave for me, Hank.
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291. Wave to everyone,
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292. especially the old people
and children.
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293. Wave to the children, Hank.
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294. And only give the thumbs up
to truckers.
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295. You'll do that for me,
won't you, Hank?
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296. No.
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297. Then I have nothing more
to say to you.
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298. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
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299. Just please
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300. do it now.
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301. The Department of Water
and Power requested
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302. everyone conserve energy
until 6:00 p. m.
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303. But your father had to show off
and counter with 7:00.
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304. Hey, Bobby,
how was the surf today?
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305. Did Boomhauer do
his famous Flamingo?
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306. That's when he stands
on one leg.
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307. That's not easy to do
even on the ground.
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308. No. All he did was fall flat
on his face
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309. and embarrass himself.
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310. And us by association.
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311. We didn't even get
to ride the wave!
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312. Boomhauer was embarrassed?
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313. I don't know
what the heck's going on here,
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314. but someone needs
to get their asses kicked.
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315. Finally. Yes!
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316. Thank you.
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317. It's time to kick
their local asses!
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318. Bobby, language.
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319. But, yes, I am going
to kick their asses.
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320. Hey, man, that's a dang ol'
good set, eh?
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321. Yeah, brah.
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322. You paddlin' out?
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323. No, man, you know.
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324. Just like... like
a dang ol' dog, man.
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325. Can't no pick up
them new tricks, man.
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326. Shah, brah.
It's a new wave, man.
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327. You know, can't...
can't ol' beat it, man.
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328. Yeah.
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329. Can't beat the wave, brah.
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330. Beat the surfer.
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331. Beat the surfer?
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332. Aah, ooh, ow!
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333. Phew! Another hot one today.
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334. MAN #2:
Too hot for me,
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335. and apparently too hot
for the Heat-Waver.
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336. MAN #1:
It appears that the heat
has beaten the Heat-Waver.
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337. MAN #2:
This Heat-Waver
has stuck a knife
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338. into the hope of the commuters
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339. of this city and twisted it.
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340. MAN #1:
We would have been better off
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341. had he never shown up
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342. with his teasing
of cool kindness.
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343. Check this Barney
in the Wranglers.
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344. This ain't no rodeo,
bro-dad.
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345. Well, it certainly isn't.
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346. At the rodeo,
people have talent
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347. and treat each other
with respect.
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348. Yeah, respect!
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349. You have to earn respect.
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350. Yeah, you
must be Bodie.
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351. And you must be
a pud.
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352. Listen, man,
if you want to surf...
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353. I didn't come
here to surf.
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354. Well, what did you
come here to do?
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355. To kick your ass.
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356. I bail!
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357. Hey, man, I'm gonna...
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358. I'm gonna take it from here,
man.
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359. No!
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360. No more
talking.
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361. No more
surfing.
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362. My dad's finally gonna set
things right on Coconut Island.
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363. Hey, man... this my time, man.
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364. You can't surf.
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365. You're old.
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366. And you're not
gonna surf.
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367. Talkin' 'bout dang ol' beat,
beat the surfer, man.
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368. I wouldn't do that, son.
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369. The flamingo!
The flamingo!
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370. Aah! Aah! Dang ol'...
dang ol' knees, man.
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371. Some amazing news just in
from the Slappy Van!
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372. The Heat-Waver is back!
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373. The Heat-Waver
is back!
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374. MAN #2:
There just might be hope
for this town after all.
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375. This ain't no rodeo, bro-dad!
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