1. Yup.
Copy !req
2. Yup.
Copy !req
3. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
4. Hey, hillbillies,
Copy !req
5. my delinquent nephew
coming to town.
Copy !req
6. Don't buy him beer!
Copy !req
7. I know rednecks like
to buy beer for kids.
Copy !req
8. He'll ask. He like to party.
Copy !req
9. Don't buy him beer!
Copy !req
10. Hey, you guys want
to come
Copy !req
11. to my vernal equinox party
tomorrow?
Copy !req
12. No.
Copy !req
13. Before you answer,
remember,
Copy !req
14. the vernal equinox is
when the stars align
Copy !req
15. in the configuration of an
arrow pointing to earth,
Copy !req
16. as if to say, "Come visit here."
Copy !req
17. I'll read a thoughtful essay.
Copy !req
18. We'll shriek ceremoniously
and eat tapas!
Copy !req
19. God, no.
Copy !req
20. Hey, guys!
Copy !req
21. Ow!
Copy !req
22. My knee!
Copy !req
23. Bill, you got
to promise me
Copy !req
24. you won't do that
in front of the aliens.
Copy !req
25. They hate
slapstick.
Copy !req
26. Nancy,
Copy !req
27. have you begun
making the tapas?
Copy !req
28. This will be the visitors'
first experience
Copy !req
29. with food
on this planet.
Copy !req
30. I want them
to have a little taste
Copy !req
31. of everything.
Copy !req
32. Is this going to shrink down?
Copy !req
33. This is huge!
Copy !req
34. What-What will I
tell the aliens?
Copy !req
35. "I hope you like this,
because if you don't,
Copy !req
36. there's
nothing else?"
Copy !req
37. Dale, I'm doing
the best I can.
Copy !req
38. I'm sorry I don't know
alien protocol.
Copy !req
39. Come on, seven!
Copy !req
40. Seven!
Copy !req
41. That's the third seven in a row
you've blown out of your nose.
Copy !req
42. You're amazing!
Copy !req
43. It's either lucky dice
or a lucky nose.
Copy !req
44. There's only one way
to find out.
Copy !req
45. Boys, please
stop that!
Copy !req
46. I don't have time to take anyone
to the emergency room!
Copy !req
47. Oh, that must be, uh, Minh.
Copy !req
48. Now, be sure you've
got your phone off
Copy !req
49. when the aliens
get here.
Copy !req
50. It could startle
them, which could
result in our death.
Copy !req
51. Not to mention,
it's pretty rude.
Copy !req
52. Hey, Nancy,
did you know
Copy !req
53. that John Redcorn, the
children's musician,
Copy !req
54. has been trying
to reach you here
at the station?
Copy !req
55. Well, I-I have no idea why.
Copy !req
56. I barely know that guy.
Copy !req
57. Well, he seems
to know you.
Copy !req
58. I want you to do
a feature on him.
Copy !req
59. What? But I do news.
Copy !req
60. We're moving you off
the news desk to features.
Copy !req
61. It seems, people aren't
interested in hard news anymore.
Copy !req
62. They say it's boring
and makes them sad.
Copy !req
63. That is not my fault.
Copy !req
64. I always said
we shouldn't do the sad stuff.
Copy !req
65. No, people love you.
Copy !req
66. Look at this mail.
Copy !req
67. "We love the
blonde woman."
Copy !req
68. And, "Nancy real good."
Copy !req
69. And, "I want to
lay with blondie."
Copy !req
70. Really? Oh, that's
flattering!
Copy !req
71. But, um, shouldn't I start
Copy !req
72. with a better get
than John Redcorn?
Copy !req
73. No, Redcorn's hot.
Copy !req
74. He's burning up
the pre-tween market.
Copy !req
75. And can you see if he'll
play my stepkid's birthday?
Copy !req
76. Of course, I get stuck
organizing the party
Copy !req
77. because my stepkid's
real dad's too busy.
Copy !req
78. Too busy? Too drunk!
Copy !req
79. And... it's equinox!
Copy !req
80. Gih!
Copy !req
81. (speaking Laotian):
Copy !req
82. Alien?
Copy !req
83. Aa-len.
Copy !req
84. Alien.
Copy !req
85. Oh, my God, it worked!
Copy !req
86. Your language— it's beautiful!
Copy !req
87. You want me to
get in there?
Copy !req
88. Okay, okay, I'll get in.
Copy !req
89. Good-bye, Earth!
Copy !req
90. 2048.
Copy !req
91. Hey, your clock's
on military time.
Copy !req
92. Why would you
have milita...?
Copy !req
93. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
94. That's not the time.
Copy !req
95. That's the year!
Copy !req
96. You're not an alien.
You're a time traveler!
Copy !req
97. Let me out of this thing! Eject!
Copy !req
98. Oh, I'm so glad
Copy !req
99. that your regular makeup
lady got meningitis
Copy !req
100. so I can do
your makeups.
Copy !req
101. That's great, sug.
Copy !req
102. Did you
get a cat?
Copy !req
103. A blonde cat?
Copy !req
104. Um, no.
Copy !req
105. I don't have a cat.
Copy !req
106. Nancy.
Copy !req
107. John Redcorn.
Copy !req
108. Go, Nancy.
Copy !req
109. I'm Nancy Hicks-Gribble,
Copy !req
110. reporting live from
Captain Bear's Pizza.
Copy !req
111. John Redcorn,
Copy !req
112. you enchant Arlen's children
and tweens.
Copy !req
113. Tell me
about your personal style.
Copy !req
114. I wore this vest
especially for you.
Copy !req
115. This is the Native American
symbol for forbidden love.
Copy !req
116. (giggles)
Oh.
Copy !req
117. Well, that's a fun fact.
Copy !req
118. Um, speaking
of fun,
Copy !req
119. what's your favorite
local hot spot?
Copy !req
120. Remember when
we found your hot spot?
Copy !req
121. Bobby, room.
Copy !req
122. But he's getting out his guitar.
Copy !req
123. Now!
Copy !req
124. You better call me
if he sings "The Oatmeal Blues."
Copy !req
125. I hope for Dale's sake
this isn't what it looks like.
Copy !req
126. The... rekindling and whatnot.
Copy !req
127. Nancy swore to me
she would never whatnot
Copy !req
128. with that man again.
Copy !req
129. Guitar playing is about
strumming the instrument
Copy !req
130. in many intimate ways.
Copy !req
131. I caress the strings
gently with a feather.
Copy !req
132. For Channel 84, I'm
Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
Copy !req
133. Good night!
Copy !req
134. And... clear.
Copy !req
135. Luanne, would
you help me
Copy !req
136. with this earpiece?
Here.
Copy !req
137. Let me help you.
Copy !req
138. Is that my hair?
Copy !req
139. You always did
make me feel strong.
Copy !req
140. I've done it!
Copy !req
141. I've traveled to 2048!
Copy !req
142. Al Gore was right.
Copy !req
143. I wonder what ocean
this used to be.
Copy !req
144. And man has devolved
back to crawling.
Copy !req
145. No, wait, that's just me.
Copy !req
146. It's times like this I wish
Copy !req
147. I had a friend
named The Professor.
Copy !req
148. Note to self: don't make
too many notes to self.
Copy !req
149. Probably can't
get more cassettes.
Copy !req
150. So, they changed the name
of Arlen to Fartland.
Copy !req
151. Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
Copy !req
152. What happened here that would
make them do such a thing?
Copy !req
153. What can I do
for you today?
Copy !req
154. Your lips are looking
a bit thin.
Copy !req
155. You want me to plump them up
with some more of your butt fat?
Copy !req
156. Well, sure, but first,
could you look at my hair?
Copy !req
157. I think it's been
falling out lately.
Copy !req
158. Hmm. Hair's tough.
Copy !req
159. Let me try something.
Copy !req
160. Well, that should have hurt.
Copy !req
161. What's happening to me?
Copy !req
162. Well, it's difficult
to determine the cause
Copy !req
163. of female hair loss, and
Copy !req
164. then it's hard to cure.
Copy !req
165. So, what should I do?
Copy !req
166. Well, there are some
shampoos on the market
Copy !req
167. with outrageous claims.
Copy !req
168. You could try those,
Copy !req
169. but if they don't
work, you should be
prepared for this.
Copy !req
170. See, right now, you're... here.
Copy !req
171. In six months, you'll be...
Copy !req
172. here.
Copy !req
173. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
174. Oh, I tried
it again.
Copy !req
175. You're definitely
losing your hair.
Copy !req
176. What are you doing
here, John Redcorn?
Copy !req
177. I wrote a song for you.
Copy !req
178. It's about a beautiful tree
named Fancy.
Copy !req
179. Ignore the end.
Copy !req
180. The tree becomes a home
for a squirrel
Copy !req
181. with body image issues.
Copy !req
182. I'm sorry, John Redcorn,
but you've got to go.
Copy !req
183. We broke up already.
Copy !req
184. It was hard,
but it's done.
Copy !req
185. Please, Nancy.
Don't we owe it
Copy !req
186. to ourselves
to be happy?
Copy !req
187. What's John Redcorn
doing here?
Copy !req
188. Don't be obvious,
but look over
Copy !req
189. at my 1:00, your 6:30.
Copy !req
190. Dang it, Boomhauer.
I said don't be obvious!
Copy !req
191. I thought that whole business
was over with.
Copy !req
192. Of course I still
have that arrowhead.
Copy !req
193. Huh.
Copy !req
194. I thought in the future,
there'd be more things hovering.
Copy !req
195. You must be
Hank's grandson.
Copy !req
196. I knew your grandfather.
Copy !req
197. He was, hmm... okay.
Copy !req
198. A little jowlier
than you.
Copy !req
199. Cut that out.
Copy !req
200. Hey, guys.
Copy !req
201. Ow!
Copy !req
202. My knee!
Copy !req
203. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
204. Bill's about to say, "I'm okay!"
Copy !req
205. I'm okay.
Copy !req
206. Wait.
Copy !req
207. I wasn't transported
to the future.
Copy !req
208. I've been transported
to the past.
Copy !req
209. Yesterday!
Copy !req
210. Oh, God, that's
under the vest.
Copy !req
211. Oh, no!
Copy !req
212. (sighs)
We can't let
this happen.
Copy !req
213. If Nancy sees him
spouting all this nonsense,
Copy !req
214. it's just going
to drive her back
to John Redcorn.
Copy !req
215. Yeah, well, man, she
ain't got too got-dang
ol' far to go, man.
Copy !req
216. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
217. If this is yesterday,
then I could...
Copy !req
218. run into myself.
Copy !req
219. If that happens,
Copy !req
220. the space/time continuum
will be compromised,
Copy !req
221. and the world will explode!
Copy !req
222. You know, Dale,
we should probably keep this
time travel stuff between us,
Copy !req
223. because if the government
finds out, they'll, uh...
Copy !req
224. They'll do what, uh,
you know, the government does.
Copy !req
225. Those bastards!
You're right.
Copy !req
226. I think the other me
is close by.
Copy !req
227. I hear the sound of my voice.
Copy !req
228. If I ask, I was never here.
Copy !req
229. DR.
Nancy,
Copy !req
230. your test results show
there's no medical reason
Copy !req
231. for your hair loss.
Copy !req
232. Your iron level is normal;
Copy !req
233. your glands all secrete
perfectly;
Copy !req
234. and your heart is
in excellent condition.
Copy !req
235. I don't care about my heart.
Copy !req
236. My heart isn't admired
on television!
Copy !req
237. My heart wasn't voted "prettiest
heart" in high school!
Copy !req
238. My heart isn't so high and thick
Copy !req
239. it once had a low-flying bird
get stuck in it!
Copy !req
240. Nancy, female hair loss
is not uncommon.
Copy !req
241. It's usually caused
by stress or heredity.
Copy !req
242. Well, it must
be stress.
Copy !req
243. The hair in my family gets
bigger every generation.
Copy !req
244. Well, in that case,
Copy !req
245. I've got some great
anti-anxiety medications
Copy !req
246. I can prescribe.
Copy !req
247. Let's go
to Dr. Schiffie's cabinet,
Copy !req
248. see what we
can do.
Copy !req
249. Oh, you're really
going to like these.
Copy !req
250. Alakazam!
Copy !req
251. Alprazolam!
Copy !req
252. This scarf is so pretty.
Copy !req
253. Do you think
it thinks I'm pretty?
Copy !req
254. Man, these pills are great.
Copy !req
255. (glass breaking)
So doctor say hair loss caused
Copy !req
256. by something stressing you out?
Copy !req
257. I say it toss up
Copy !req
258. between idiot husband
and idiot son.
Copy !req
259. Who you love and
don't want to hurt.
Copy !req
260. I should wait in the car.
Copy !req
261. I don't want my baby
to catch your stress
Copy !req
262. I am not giving birth
to a bald baby.
Copy !req
263. You think I'd be stressed out,
but I'm not.
Copy !req
264. I feel freaking fantastic.
Copy !req
265. You know, I'm addicted
to these pills.
Copy !req
266. Well, if it's not stress,
it must be heredity.
Copy !req
267. I know what I have to do.
Copy !req
268. What the heck are you wearing?
Copy !req
269. I'm going spelunking.
Copy !req
270. I've got an extra headlamp
and backpack thingy
Copy !req
271. with your name
on it...
Copy !req
272. in masking tape.
Copy !req
273. You interested?
Copy !req
274. No.
Copy !req
275. Neither am I.
Copy !req
276. That's why I know I won't
run into myself there.
Copy !req
277. And after this...
Copy !req
278. ice dancing.
Copy !req
279. And then, flossing!
Copy !req
280. Sorry to just drop in
on you like this, Mom.
Copy !req
281. I lost my cell phone.
Copy !req
282. I've had the worst week.
Copy !req
283. You've had a hard week.
Copy !req
284. My foot bath died.
Copy !req
285. Then I had another one
of my recipes stolen.
Copy !req
286. Mother, please.
Just listen to me.
Copy !req
287. Oh, all right.
Copy !req
288. But Mommy needs her Xanax first.
Copy !req
289. You want one?
Copy !req
290. No. No.
Copy !req
291. Well...
Copy !req
292. no.
Copy !req
293. Look, I've lost...
some hair recently,
Copy !req
294. and I was wondering
Copy !req
295. if female hair loss runs
in our family at all.
Copy !req
296. Bless me for being so honest
and such a good mother.
Copy !req
297. Sugarbear, truth is:
my hair fell out long ago.
Copy !req
298. This is a wig.
Copy !req
299. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
300. Don't tell your father.
Copy !req
301. So, it is hereditary.
Copy !req
302. Not exactly.
Copy !req
303. We're not so dissimilar,
you and I.
Copy !req
304. Did I ever tell you
about Frank Torres?
Copy !req
305. Your life-drawing teacher?
Copy !req
306. I remember every day of the ten
years we shared our secret love.
Copy !req
307. Our affair was like floating
on a cloud made of a rainbow;
Copy !req
308. our lovemaking, exciting,
but virtually motionless.
Copy !req
309. I-I can't believe
what I'm hearing!
Copy !req
310. Frank. How he loved
to dance wildly
to no music at all,
Copy !req
311. just the sound
of the pounding
Copy !req
312. of his fist
on his leg.
Copy !req
313. All right,
Copy !req
314. you've made your dramatic speech
for the night.
Copy !req
315. Can we get back
to my problem now?
Copy !req
316. Sugarbear,
Copy !req
317. I mention all this
Copy !req
318. because the stress
of ending my affair with Frank
Copy !req
319. is what brought on my hair loss.
Copy !req
320. What?
Copy !req
321. By the time
my shrink discovered
Copy !req
322. my subconscious yearning
was to blame,
Copy !req
323. it was too late
to get him back:
Copy !req
324. he died.
Copy !req
325. Just like my old foot bath.
Copy !req
326. So, what you're
telling me is...
Copy !req
327. if I want my hair back,
Copy !req
328. I have to get back together
with John Redcorn?
Copy !req
329. Or you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.
Copy !req
330. Hey, Hank Hill,
Copy !req
331. my nephew missing.
Copy !req
332. If you see 17-year-old
Copy !req
333. in tricked-out hot rod,
call the police.
Copy !req
334. I always do.
Copy !req
335. Hey, Nancy!
Copy !req
336. I'm off
to lifeguard school
Copy !req
337. and I needed
my Speedos.
Copy !req
338. What?
No chance
Copy !req
339. of seeing
myself there.
Copy !req
340. What is going on
with you?
Copy !req
341. Hank! Dale!
Copy !req
342. (sighs)
Nancy,
Copy !req
343. there's something I
think you should know.
Copy !req
344. Okay,
it's a long story.
Copy !req
345. It begins
Copy !req
346. when I got
into a time machine.
Copy !req
347. Dale!
Copy !req
348. Oh, right, I've got to be quick.
Copy !req
349. Damn my love
of flowery storytelling.
Copy !req
350. Nancy...
Copy !req
351. tomorrow's not
guaranteed!
Copy !req
352. You should live for now!
Copy !req
353. Meaning, if you're thinking
about doing something,
Copy !req
354. but are hesitant
for some reason,
Copy !req
355. you should go
ahead and do it!
Copy !req
356. Like wearing
that crazy hat.
Copy !req
357. You, too, John Redcorn.
Copy !req
358. If there's something
you're thinking about doing,
Copy !req
359. you might as well do it!
Copy !req
360. Do it now!
Copy !req
361. You heard him, Nancy.
Copy !req
362. Now, let me get this straight.
Copy !req
363. John Redcorn have to...
Copy !req
364. love the hair
back onto you?
Copy !req
365. Uh-uh.
Copy !req
366. That story cannot
be true.
Copy !req
367. Oh, I bet Bunny's writing
a fake memoir.
Copy !req
368. I'll warn Oprah.
Copy !req
369. No, it's true.
Copy !req
370. And if I don't get
back together with him,
Copy !req
371. I'll go bald.
Copy !req
372. Just like his broad, smooth
Native American chest.
Copy !req
373. I know that giving yourself
to Redcorn
Copy !req
374. would be both exhilarating
and wonderful,
Copy !req
375. but you are a married woman!
Copy !req
376. But my hair is my job, and my
job is my family's livelihood.
Copy !req
377. So I'd be sleeping
with John Redcorn
Copy !req
378. as if our lives depended on it.
Copy !req
379. I know what Jesus would do:
Copy !req
380. he would resist the temptation,
even if he had to go bald.
Copy !req
381. And he had great hair.
Copy !req
382. Oh, what am I gonna do?
Copy !req
383. I'm just a swirling tempest
of emotions, sugs.
Copy !req
384. Frustration.
Copy !req
385. Humiliation.
Copy !req
386. Fear.
Copy !req
387. Desire.
Copy !req
388. Guilt.
Copy !req
389. Oh, just do it,
Copy !req
390. but don't do it too much
or you end up with moustache.
Copy !req
391. Wow.
Copy !req
392. This is gonna be
a great party!
Copy !req
393. So, I'll meet you there?
Copy !req
394. Did he tell you
where the party is?
Copy !req
395. Excuse me, ma'am.
Copy !req
396. Oh, I'm a friend
of John Redcorn.
Copy !req
397. Lady, all these women are
"friends of John Redcorn."
Copy !req
398. Nancy!
Copy !req
399. Hey!
Copy !req
400. I assume you didn't
come here
Copy !req
401. to get your caricature done
with a monkey.
Copy !req
402. But, if you want one,
I can get it at half price.
Copy !req
403. I changed my mind, sug.
Copy !req
404. Let's start
what we finished.
Copy !req
405. Fatal flaw!
Copy !req
406. The end is approaching
quicker than anticipated.
Copy !req
407. Okay, I don't know
if you knew this,
Copy !req
408. but I can't use any
toilet but my own,
Copy !req
409. I can only hold
my bodily fluids
Copy !req
410. for six days
and 52 minutes.
Copy !req
411. Yes, Dale, I'm well aware.
Copy !req
412. So I have to go potty!
Copy !req
413. I'm destined to
run into myself
Copy !req
414. in my bathroom.
Copy !req
415. Listen to me.
Copy !req
416. You have to stop talking
about this.
Copy !req
417. But I feel bad
about not warning Nancy.
Copy !req
418. You haven't told Peggy?
Copy !req
419. No, because I don't want
to scare her.
Copy !req
420. And you shouldn't want
to scare Nancy.
Copy !req
421. I don't!
Copy !req
422. Then just be cool.
Copy !req
423. Everything is okay.
Copy !req
424. Now, I'd like to get back
to my family
Copy !req
425. and my chili taco.
Copy !req
426. So you're telling me
the end of the world is near,
Copy !req
427. and you're
just gonna...
Copy !req
428. hang out with
your loved ones?
Copy !req
429. And eat tacos?
Copy !req
430. Yep.
Copy !req
431. Huh.
Copy !req
432. This train stops
at the hotel.
Copy !req
433. We can go back
and order room service,
Copy !req
434. watch a movie.
Copy !req
435. Or we could just get
right to the sex,
Copy !req
436. whichever.
Copy !req
437. Nancy!
Copy !req
438. Dale?
Copy !req
439. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
440. Hello,
John Redcorn.
Copy !req
441. Dale.
Copy !req
442. Nancy, I don't want us
Copy !req
443. to spend one more
minute apart.
Copy !req
444. I want to be with
you for the rest
of my life.
Copy !req
445. So what if that's only...
Copy !req
446. 35 minutes away.
Copy !req
447. Now, I'm not saying the world
is going to end in 35 minutes,
Copy !req
448. but if it did,
Copy !req
449. I know exactly
where I want to be:
Copy !req
450. in the arms of my trusty wife.
Copy !req
451. You are as beautiful
as you are trusty.
Copy !req
452. Now, let's go home.
Copy !req
453. I want you in the bathroom
with me when it happens.
Copy !req
454. What?
Copy !req
455. Nancy...
Copy !req
456. my lover, my teacher,
my friend—
Copy !req
457. I don't want to see me
without you.
Copy !req
458. Come on.
Let's go!
Copy !req
459. Hold that
train, sir.
Copy !req
460. I hope I made the right choice.
Copy !req
461. Well, this is the only
wig shop in Arlen,
Copy !req
462. so, you don't really
have much choice.
Copy !req
463. You're right, sug.
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464. Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
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