1. Can you believe it, Minh?
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2. Ted Wassanasong
actually invite us to his home.
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3. What a place.
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4. I can't tell if that's
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5. a high-def TV or window
overlooking African safari.
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6. You know, it's funny, even
another person's money
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7. can make me happy.
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8. Oh...
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9. Minh!
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10. Look at that swimming pool.
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11. The classic, simple rectangle.
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12. The tiles so
tastefully filigreed.
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13. That is the pool of
a man of substance.
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14. Welcome, Kahn and Minh.
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15. I hope you're
enjoying yourselves.
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16. Your home is beautiful, Ted.
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17. Thank you.
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18. As fellow Laotians, I
knew you would appreciate
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19. the lowland influences on
the architecture and decor.
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20. Yeah, so did it
come with that pool,
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21. or did you have to put it in?
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22. Minh, Kahn, I'd like you to meet
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23. my dear friend, Nguc Phong.
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24. Legendary Lao guerrilla fighter
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25. who lead brave assaults
against communist forces?
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26. I am that same soldier.
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27. How about that, Minh?
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28. This guy serious butt-kicker.
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29. Anyway, I'm sorry
they kill all your friends.
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30. Yes, that was unhappy for me.
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31. But every day I devote
to honoring their memory,
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32. to preserving the
culture of our people.
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33. Yeah, well, that sound good.
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34. Now about the pool...
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35. What you think a smaller
version of it in my backyard cost?
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36. And remember, I want same tiles
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37. you use with Ted
Wassanasong's pool.
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38. Right. Here's my estimate.
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39. Yep.
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40. Yep.
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41. My dreams are shattered.
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42. Yep, mine, too.
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43. Have a beer.
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44. Ever since I see Ted's pool,
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45. I can think of nothing but
having one in my own backyard.
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46. But it too expensive.
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47. Well, it doesn't have to be.
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48. A pool is basically
a concrete shell
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49. with a suction and return system
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50. and some
motor-assisted plumbing.
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51. Mm-hmm.
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52. Yeah. Yeah, you just
need to find a few guys
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53. who enjoy doing
construction in their spare time,
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54. and offer them the
rights to use the pool.
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55. Something's happening here.
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56. Oh, my God, we're
gonna build a pool!
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57. Really?
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58. Wingo!
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59. This hard hat is my armor.
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60. When you're
working construction,
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61. your head is still your
most valuable tool,
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62. so you've got to protect it...
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63. Huh?
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64. A rectangular pool.
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65. It'll be like having a
mid-level motel next door.
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66. I can't believe it.
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67. That giant hole filled with dirt
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68. is the place I'm going to
spend the rest of my childhood.
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69. Well, before you
do, you're gonna train
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70. in swimming, CPR,
and pool etiquette.
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71. Huh. I'm still excited.
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72. Is it possible that our life
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73. has finally achieved
total perfection?
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74. Tell me, what is Connie's
grade-point average?
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75. Is it "A"?
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76. A-plus.
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77. And what kind of steak is that?
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78. Is it choice?
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79. Prime.
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80. And that pool in my
backyard, is it a hallucination?
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81. No, it's real.
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82. So it is true, then... Our
lives are nearly perfect.
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83. Only missing
element is membership
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84. in Nine Rivers Country Club.
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85. Well, Ted Wassanasong is
on membership committee...
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86. Of course!
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87. And he like us now.
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88. Oh, this coming
together very nicely.
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89. Oh, hello, Ted.
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90. Well, this hilarious.
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91. I just come to shop
for new five-iron,
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92. but then I run into you guys.
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93. Oh, Kahn, good to see you.
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94. We're on our way
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95. to distribute food to the poor.
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96. Is that euphemism for
playing round of golf?
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97. Because I'm in.
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98. Kahn, you do know that it's
Makha Bousa today, don't you?
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99. It is one of our most
sacred holidays.
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100. Oh, right. I guess
it slip my mind.
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101. But only momentarily,
because tonight
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102. Minh and I throw Makha Bousa
celebration dinner at our house.
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103. I insist that you both join us.
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104. Well, that would
be super. I accept.
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105. Really?
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106. Oh, okay then, I
see you tonight.
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107. You know, it so nice
that lately you and I
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108. able to spend more time...
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109. Kahn, the poor.
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110. Oh, yes, the poor.
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111. I, uh... I hope they
get more money soon.
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112. Good morning.
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113. We're here to sign my
son up for a course in CPR.
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114. We're essentially
getting a pool.
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115. Well, we have a
basic, one day course.
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116. We also have a two week course
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117. which includes
advanced emergency care
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118. for infants and seniors.
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119. - He'll take the two week course.
- What?
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120. Your grandfather
might come to visit,
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121. and I'd like to be able to say
we did everything we could.
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122. Gentlemen, I'd
like to make a toast.
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123. To a man whose backyard
soil was of a consistency
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124. which made for
hassle-free excavation,
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125. and had no interfering
sewage lines.
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126. Hey, Kahn,
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127. dinner guests are here.
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128. Already?
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129. I wanted everything perfect.
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130. Start assembling
my pool furniture.
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131. Good evening, Kahn.
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132. I hope...
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133. I hope it's all right
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134. if I brought a few of
our Laotian friends.
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135. Certainly!
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136. I think we got
enough pina coladas.
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137. Magha Puja just
starting in backyard.
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138. And ta-da!
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139. Ted, look who is
getting a swimming pool!
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140. Yeah, redneck
neighbors built it for me.
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141. Maybe next I have
them build me railroad.
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142. How that for revenge?
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143. Kahn, the railroads
were built by the Chinese,
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144. not Laotians.
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145. Same difference.
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146. It just joke.
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147. Maybe too far?
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148. A word if we may.
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149. Nguc and I feel
that you've become
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150. grievously disconnected
from your heritage.
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151. It's as though you've
completely forgotten
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152. that you're Lao.
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153. What? That's not true.
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154. Take a look around, Kahn.
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155. Can you point to one
Lao artifact in your home?
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156. Can you recall the
last conversation
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157. you had that was not in English?
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158. In our homeland,
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159. the Lao man is oppressed
by his government.
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160. But inside of you,
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161. the Lao man is
oppressed by himself.
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162. You destroy your
own ethnic identity.
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163. It is sterilized in the
chlorinated waters
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164. - of your swimming pool.
- Oh.
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165. You've become what
is known as a "banana."
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166. "Banana"?
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167. Consider the properties
of a banana, Kahn.
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168. Its skin is yellow, but
its insides are white.
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169. But...
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170. But I'm not white.
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171. Okay, everyone! Steak's on!
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172. Who need ketchup?
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173. They call me "banana," Minh.
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174. That crazy, right?
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175. Of course.
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176. You very Asian.
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177. Very Lao.
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178. But Ted say there no
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179. visible evidence of my heritage.
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180. People Magazine.
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181. Didn't we have a subscription
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182. to Xaignabouri Muang Weekly?
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183. I guess it must have run out.
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184. There not one stinking trace
of our homeland in this place!
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185. If stranger walk
in here, he says,
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186. "Ah, this must be
where Johnny Smith live,
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187. not Kahn Souf... Kahn Stouff..."
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188. Oh my God! I cannot
say my own name!
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189. Oh, calm down now.
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190. You can still say your own name.
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191. You just freaking out right now.
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192. You spoke perfect Lao to
your own mother just last week.
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193. Sa-baai-dee,
luuk-saao tee naa-hak.
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194. Bpen-jang ci ai?
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195. Wait... are you
saying good night,
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196. or are you cursing at me?
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197. You see?
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198. Connie can't even speak Lao.
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199. That is messed up, Minh.
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200. Maybe you're right.
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201. We could connect a
little more to our heritage.
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202. Yes... that an excellent plan.
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203. Connie, you remember
the gong we hit
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204. during American Idol?
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205. Let me show you
what it's really for.
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206. Hmm, these weeds
weren't here yesterday.
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207. Hands off, redneck.
That's my celery.
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208. The Lao people
are self-sufficient.
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209. We grow our own food.
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210. We not rely on big supermarket
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211. to nurse us like helpless
calf at mother's teat.
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212. Well... okay then.
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213. We're going to swim now.
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214. Have fun, hopeless Americans.
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215. Enjoy splashing around in
your river that leads to nowhere.
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216. Yeah, it great to be back
in touch with my roots.
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217. Minh buy beautiful
piece by Lao artist.
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218. Painting of people
toiling in rice paddies.
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219. It's great to support
Lao culture, Kahn,
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220. but your home is still a shrine
to American material luxury.
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221. I guess I little confused.
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222. I cannot help but notice
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223. your state-of-the-art
home theater system,
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224. and your four-car garage.
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225. Sure, I own all
of these "things,"
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226. but they don't own me.
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227. I'll try to explain.
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228. This is Man of Louang Namtha,
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229. carved by a native highlander
more than 300 years ago.
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230. It's the embodiment
of the Lao spirit.
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231. This is my link.
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232. As long as I carry this,
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233. everything else is meaningless.
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234. So I just keep one
of those in my pocket
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235. and I can have a big screen TV?
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236. You got an extra one of
those guys lying around?
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237. Unfortunately,
you're not ready yet.
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238. It wouldn't mean to
you what it means to me.
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239. So, what for dinner?
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240. Is that a joke?
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241. You know damn
well it's rice and meat.
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242. Oh, of course.
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243. I get so used to American
diet of extreme variety.
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244. Yeah. This better.
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245. Yay! I won!
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246. Can you throw
it... Throw it here.
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247. I will now tell stories
of my childhood in Laos.
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248. Growing up in the
village, I had two chickens.
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249. One of them was named Phouma.
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250. Marco!
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251. Polo!
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252. I don't recall the name
of the other chicken,
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253. but, sometimes, I would
put both of the chickens
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254. in the wheelbarrow.
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255. This was very funny.
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256. I'm a submarine!
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257. Don't splash me!
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258. Mm-hmm.
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259. You know, sometimes I
think I'd like to visit Indiana.
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260. Is that weird?
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261. Hey, man, you know,
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262. dang ol' go with
that feeling, man.
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263. I think that's a
great dream, Hank.
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264. Thank you.
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265. Boy, Kahn's in there right now,
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266. beating himself up
for God knows why,
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267. when he could be out
here floating under the stars.
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268. It's wild.
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269. Ten yards away, a man suffers,
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270. but I'm still completely
able to enjoy his pool.
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271. I guess I'm just growing up.
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272. Would it shame our entire
people if I sit on chair?
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273. This not about comfort.
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274. This is about being
true to who we are.
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275. It about never being
called "banana" again.
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276. What we need is to focus harder.
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277. I'll be there for you...
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278. Look who passed!
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279. Way to go, Bobby.
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280. - Yay!
- Congratulations, man.
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281. Let's hit the pool!
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282. Oh, God!
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283. Kahn, what the hell
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284. did you do to our swimming pool?
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285. It now reflecting pool.
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286. We need peaceful space
in which we can meditate.
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287. We had a deal.
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288. Oh, you had deal with old Kahn.
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289. The homogenized,
Americanized Kahn.
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290. That Kahn no longer exist.
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291. And neither does pool.
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292. I learned CPR for nothing?
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293. I went to school on a Saturday!
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294. So help me,
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295. the only thing keeping me
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296. from wishing a pox on your house
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297. is that your house
is next to my house,
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298. and the pox could spread.
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299. And Connie finally
getting used to eating
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300. fermented fish
chunks and rice husks.
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301. So how does it feel, Kahn,
to rediscover your roots?
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302. Uh, well... it not always fun.
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303. But as I recall, life in
Laos not always so fun.
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304. So I guess I'm on
right track, right?
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305. Wrong.
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306. Oh, dear.
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307. Kahn, right now
the Lao community
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308. is not taken seriously.
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309. The Cuban exile
community in Florida
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310. is taken very seriously.
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311. Do you know why?
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312. Uh... Gloria Estefan?
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313. No.
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314. They wield political
influence in this country
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315. while maintaining ties to rebel
groups in their mother country.
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316. In the mountains
of our homeland,
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317. there is still a small but
determined movement,
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318. a resistance to the
communist regime.
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319. Imagine it, Kahn... a free
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320. and independent Laos.
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321. Yeah, that sound great.
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322. With men like Ted Wassanasong
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323. leading the way, the
dream can become real.
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324. Yes, but an
undertaking like this
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325. can only work with
total commitment.
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326. Oh, I be happy to write a check.
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327. No, Kahn, we want you
to join the armed resistance
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328. and fight for us
on the front lines.
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329. Front lines?
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330. Oh, yes, Kahn, there may
be risks, but I wonder...
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331. Is life as a banana better
than death, or is it worse?
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332. Will you join us, Kahn?
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333. Of course he will join us.
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334. He is a proud Lao man,
willing to shed his blood
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335. for our mother country.
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336. Uh...
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337. This crazy!
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338. For first time I feel pride,
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339. I feel like true Laotian.
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340. And you say it crazy.
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341. I'm saying that,
in matter of days,
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342. you chuck all the furniture
and pick up machine gun.
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343. Maybe it time to take stock.
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344. You know what I think? I think
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345. you starting to
sound a lot like...
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346. a banana!
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347. Kahn,
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348. that's ridiculous.
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349. No time to argue.
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350. I have training, then
I supposed to build
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351. sandbag fortress
around Ted's house.
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352. Connie!
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353. You can stop hulling rice.
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354. We're going to Whattaburger.
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355. Nice shot, Tom.
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356. Sa-dang aa-wut!
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357. Nguc!
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358. You are a disgrace!
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359. You won't survive
five minutes in combat!
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360. Especially you.
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361. I can't have this.
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362. I talked councilmen Ebberd
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363. into making the first Tuesday
in May "Lao Freedom Day."
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364. We are parading from the
nail salon to the boba tea shop,
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365. and we are going
to look smart doing it!
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366. Sa-mawng mueng ngo gwaa ling.
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367. Mueng si pae nyang
yoi-yap nai sa-naam-hop!
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368. Bak-bpuek, mueng
bav-mee pa-nyote!
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369. Sa-mawng mueng ngo gwaa ling.
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370. Yep.
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371. Yep.
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372. What happened
to your face, Kahn?
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373. Finally steal a pool from
someone who knows how to fight?
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374. No. It training accident.
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375. I take butt of
rifle to the face.
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376. Ha! What poetic justice.
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377. You steal a pool and
then the butt of a rifle...
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378. steals the...
health of your face.
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379. Hey, you treat me with respect!
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380. I happen to be colonel in
Ted Wassanasong's army.
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381. Uh, yeah, I still don't
really get what that is.
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382. I just want the
got-danged pool back.
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383. So clean it up,
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384. and then you can
spend the rest of your life
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385. running around like a jackass
with Ted Wassanasong.
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386. Run around like jackass?
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387. Ha! Shows what you know.
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388. At any moment,
Ted could call me,
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389. say code word "Siddhartha",
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390. and then it not
just running around
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391. like jackass anymore, buddy-boy.
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392. Uh-huh.
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393. And what happens when
Ted says "Siddhartha"?
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394. Well, we get on cargo
plane and fly to Laos.
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395. If we are not blown
apart by anti-aircraft fire,
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396. we parachute into mountains.
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397. If we not shot on way
down, or die on impact,
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398. we march into capital.
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399. And then... well...
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400. we probably all be shot
or run over with tank.
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401. Some of us may
get taken prisoner.
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402. And then most
likely they torture us
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403. or reeducate us, and then...
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404. put us in their army.
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405. Huh.
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406. Anyone else notice
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407. he cuts a pretty nice
figure in uniform?
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408. When Ellen returns,
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409. she's making fajitas
with Justin Timberlake!
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410. Don't start, Kahn.
I'm not turning it off.
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411. Who were her guests?
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412. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.
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413. What were they plugging?
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414. Fitness tape.
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415. When I was a banana, I would
have eaten that up with a spoon.
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416. You know, I'm getting
sick and tired of that word.
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417. You and me both.
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418. I don't know what's worse...
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419. Being sent on
suicide mission in Laos
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420. or having Ted
Wassanasong tell me,
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421. "I'm sorry, Kahn, but your
salute is not crisp enough."
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422. Why you let Ted
Wassanasong tell you what to do,
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423. what to like, what to think?
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424. Isn't that why we fled
the communists in Laos?
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425. And the homeowners'
association in Orange County?
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426. Well, yeah, but...
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427. Kahn, don't you want
to hear beautiful strains
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428. of Brahms come
off Connie's violin?
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429. To eat yourself silly
on baby back ribs
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430. and then fall backwards in
your sparkling swimming pool
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431. like those iced tea
ads you love so much?
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432. Hey, Ted.
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433. I want to thank you for
making me remember
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434. who I am and where I come from,
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435. but I won't be needing
these anymore.
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436. I don't understand.
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437. How do you plan to
parade without your uniform?
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438. Oh, my parading days are done.
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439. It's like this...
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440. If you want someone to play
a round of golf, give me call.
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441. If you want someone to
feel guilty about the way
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442. they choose to live,
call someone else.
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443. Dominga!
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444. This is good living, eh?
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445. You know, someday,
maybe I buy you out,
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446. bulldoze your home,
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447. and extend pool to Olympic size.
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448. Well, that's a dream, I guess.
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449. Yeah...
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450. but this is real.
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451. Bobby!
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452. Not again.
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453. Mr. Dauterive,
can't you just chew?
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454. Thank you, Bobby.
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455. Haha, Just joke. NGUC Ugh.
- Maybe too far?
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