King of the Hill 10x5

Directed by Kyounghee Lim

Paul F. Tompkins as Professor Twilley (voice) • Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • Ashley Johnson as Emily (voice) • David Herman as (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice)

Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. The Japanese call this poetry "haiku."

2. - Yes, Bobby? - Oh, I was just stretching.

3. The haiku poem has five syllables, then seven, then five.

4. - Bobby. - What?

5. There's a magnet in the ceiling and it has my pencil.

6. And the magnet just released.

7. And that is how Jesus taught us not to borrow things from people,

8. then destroy them, then pass them off as missing.

9. Now if all the children of the flock will join me on the stairs...

10. Oh, there's something wrong with my eyes today.

11. Bobby.

12. Hello, there.

13. I thought I smelled corn, and this confirms it.

14. That was not me.

15. Dang it, Bobby,

16. this is inappropriate dinner table behavior.

17. - Now right now I want— - I know.

18. Go to my room. Hey.

19. Do you ever wonder where kids went to before they had rooms?

20. - I mean did caveman dads say— - Just go.

21. Peggy, what are we going to do about the boy?

22. He's cutting up at church, at school...

23. Heck, I can't even take him to the Megalomart

24. without him trying to get on the P.A. system.

25. Hank, you cannot blame Bobby.

26. He just has no outlet to express his creativity.

27. He's a boy, he doesn't need to be creative!

28. Our son can make people laugh. Some call that a gift.

29. I do as well.

30. You know, in high school we all thought Rolle Sanders

31. was a laugh riot.

32. Then when he got six months in juvie

33. and had a child out of wedlock we stopped laughing.

34. School is not about being the class clown.

35. Unless it's a class full of clowns.

36. They teach a class in clowning at Arlen Community College.

37. A clowning class? Perfect.

38. This is just what Bobby needs.

39. A supportive place where he can work out all his comedy energy.

40. Huh. It's not a bad idea.

41. It's like running your dog around the park for an hour

42. to keep him from jumping all over the furniture.

43. But Bobby can't go to college. He's 13.

44. Sometimes you don't have to be college years old.

45. There was a kid in my history class that was 12.

46. I liked him.

47. Whenever I would answer a question in class,

48. he would laugh.

49. I went to his birthday party.

50. Lie down in your basket, Ladybird.

51. Yes!

52. A class in clowning? And you're supporting it?

53. But here's the deal, son.

54. The shenanigans stay in clown class.

55. Not at school, or church, or any place else

56. that's not appropriate.

57. Now get some sleep.

58. Or stay up all night. Whichever makes you funnier.

59. I think a clown class is a great idea for Bobby.

60. You know, I had a picture of a clown above my bed growing up.

61. I thought it was God for the longest time.

62. I've done extermination for three different Bozos.

63. Nice guys but do not get them started on gay marriage.

64. Hey!

65. Hey, we got your ball.

66. Hey. Ball.

67. Gentlemen, this kickball rolled into our lives

68. for a reason.

69. You've still got a wicked curveball, Boomhauer.

70. I'm gonna have to call myself out.

71. Bill, get ready. I'm bunting.

72. I'm gonna get you!

73. It's as good as I remember.

74. So I see you're all ready for your clown class.

75. Can you lean back a little? Your hair is in my blind spot.

76. Do you think it works?

77. I thought about wearing a hat on top of the hair,

78. but I couldn't decide if that was funny or just crazy.

79. Now Bobby, go in there and give everything you've got.

80. And if you still feel funny at the end of class,

81. stay after for extra credit.

82. Got it, Dad.

83. Hi, Bobby Hill. Tom Landry class clown.

84. Oh, hi. I am so excited.

85. This is gonna be so much fun.

86. Don't you just love comedy?

87. Great clowns are not born. They are made.

88. Right here. I make clowns.

89. If you're looking for an easy A, think again.

90. In fact, some refer to this class as "Frowns for Clowns."

91. Ah, I see some of you are already wearing your fright wigs.

92. The wig isn't something you wear. It is something you earn.

93. Do you know why the shoes wear big,

94. or the nose be bulbous?

95. - Uh, funny? - Of course they're funny.

96. They're hilarious, in fact.

97. But if you don't know why it is pointless.

98. Can anyone explain this equation to me?

99. Can you explain this?

100. No.

101. Until you can, dispose of your costuming.

102. You are nowhere near funny.

103. Alright, our first lesson. Textbook chapter one.

104. Funny words.

105. You, name a body part.

106. - Uh, leg! - Not funny!

107. And here's why:

108. No funny letters.

109. - Sacroiliac? - Exactly.

110. It has the "k" sound twice and the "oi" sound.

111. Excellent work, Boris.

112. Boris is taking this class for the ninth time and he is almost a clown.

113. Someday. And with your help, sir.

114. - Armpit? - Um, no.

115. But your attempt is pathetic,

116. and pathos is one of the cornerstones of comedy.

117. John Redcorn.

118. Joseph.

119. Uh...

120. Connie.

121. - Dale, I suppose. - I'm picked last?

122. But does your precious Connie own custom kickball shoes?

123. Hey, Bobby! How was your first day?

124. Do you want to show us your juggling?

125. I haven't learned how to actually juggle.

126. But I can tell you why juggling the fragile

127. is almost as funny as juggling the intractable.

128. Oh.

129. Professor Twilly knows all about this kind of stuff.

130. He's gonna help me reach my comedic potential.

131. - Uh-huh. - According to him,

132. Adam Sandler isn't funny.

133. All right, son.

134. Well, I guess I'd better go hit the books.

135. He didn't make a single dumb joke.

136. He was just regular.

137. Oh, God, he's doing a pratfall.

138. No, wait, that was real.

139. That actually looks like a pretty nasty scrape.

140. Attaboy.

141. A unicycle with six wheels?

142. Oh, the number six.

143. Are you laughing at or with?

144. - Uh, at? - Wrong.

145. Mr. Twilly, that's why I came here today.

146. - I'm kind of not getting it. - No kidding.

147. But I've always been the funny kid.

148. I do stuff, people laugh.

149. I thought I was a natural.

150. Have I been wrong all these years?

151. Oh, definitely.

152. But it's not your fault.

153. You haven't been properly trained.

154. Look at your flowchart of funny.

155. Comedy starts with the Ha,

156. which identifies the situation as comedic.

157. The Ha is followed by the Guffaw.

158. This creates anticipation.

159. Next there is the Aw.

160. To condition your audience for surprise.

161. And the final element, the Ha-Ha!

162. Now does it make sense?

163. Not really.

164. But you've got to believe me. I really want to understand.

165. I want to be the best clown I can be.

166. I'm not going to give up on you yet.

167. I think what you need is some supplemental reading

168. from my personal archive, including this.

169. It's a copy of Steve Allen's "How to be Funny"

170. that he signed for ten extra dollars.

171. I'll start studying these right away.

172. Uh, wait, this one's not in English.

173. You're welcome.

174. A kick and a miss for John "No-Scoring" Redcorn.

175. I thought we said no bouncies.

176. Could you guys keep it down? I'm trying to study.

177. You bet, son.

178. You're out.

179. This was my first audition for Cirque Fantastique.

180. It seems like just yesterday

181. I answered to the name "Dodo McGoofGoof."

182. Here's where I do the pantomime of the wrong greeting,

183. entirely in gibberish.

184. Alright, we've established this as funny, but why?

185. It's funny because it follows Aristotle's dictum "It delights."

186. Note the gallivanting.

187. And chases. The bear chases you since you poked him,

188. and it follows the Ha- Guffaw-Aw-Ha-Ha formula.

189. Congratulations, Bobby!

190. You have just proven why I am funny.

191. I think you're ready for character work.

192. - Really? - Yes.

193. We'll begin your study of Commedia Del'Arte.

194. - Classic clowning. - Huh?

195. I had to take this class six times before I got to do that.

196. Hey, Bobby. So what's college like?

197. Is it true the library is open all night?

198. It's brutal.

199. Today I have to come up with a Commedia Del'Arte style character.

200. Wow.

201. Mild deception is the lowest form of tomfoolery.

202. - But people think he farted. - Joseph.

203. After taking this class I realize that that isn't funny,

204. and I also realize that you are not funny.

205. Oh, man.

206. But Connie, you are hilarious.

207. - Really? - Yes.

208. In Algebra this morning,

209. you said Clark Peters is as dumb as a dog,

210. but what you were really saying is that a dog is as smart as a boy.

211. - Wonderful. - Yeah.

212. I am a dog as smart as a boy.

213. A precocious trickster am I.

214. They call me Tartuffe, the spry wonder dog!

215. Magnificently absurd!

216. The comedic requirements are all there.

217. Intention communication, inopportunità, non-naturalism,

218. prancing, it has the energy of Jaques Colon,

219. and the élan of Waylon Flowers and madame.

220. Yes!

221. Don't blot my bacon, mom. I'm celebrating!

222. You got it!

223. I sit at the table, yet my proper position

224. is by your feet.

225. What manner of scamp am I?

226. I really don't understand what is happening.

227. Now, cut that out.

228. Whatever that is you're doing.

229. Sorry, Dad. I'm just excited.

230. See, I was starting to think I wasn't funny,

231. but then my teacher helped me come up with

232. - this great new character. - Uh-huh, that's fine.

233. Just keep it in class.

234. Up to now you've done a pretty good job of

235. not being funny around here, so just keep it up.

236. - Okay, Dad. - Pass the ketchup.

237. Regular ketchup, or one that weighs 10,000 pounds?

238. Regular.

239. Excuse moi?

240. If you're here to nominate me for an American Clowning Award

241. the petition is right here.

242. Oh, hello, Bobby.

243. Professor, my school talent show is coming up.

244. Do you think I should perform a sketch

245. as Tartuffe, the spry wonder dog?

246. Bobby, that's an idea and three quarters!

247. It's moments like this that are so much more rewarding

248. than winning an American Clowning Award.

249. Now, who will be attending this talent show?

250. Everyone at school will be there since we get out of class for it.

251. Even the janitors get to come.

252. I have always wanted to bring classic clowning

253. to the children of Arlen.

254. The janitorial staff will be a bonus.

255. Now, we must find the perfect costume for Tartuffe.

256. Eh. Doesn't wow me.

257. Good eye, Bobby.

258. You, of course, need something bolder.

259. What about this?

260. And these?

261. Perfect, the middle school will be agog!

262. I'm gonna be the most popular kid in school!

263. - I don't know what they do. - Ask him.

264. You're in clown school. Do something funny now.

265. Off the top of my head...

266. There are 17 things I could do with this globe that are funny,

267. - and two that aren't. - Wow.

268. But you'll have to wait until the talent show like everyone else.

269. Everyone, play deep.

270. This guy swings a big leg.

271. The ball was wet.

272. It wasn't my fault.

273. There was nothing anyone could have done.

274. Well, balls come and balls go, when you think about it.

275. Well, I guess that's it.

276. I've got to get to work anyway.

277. I am so excited.

278. Is my plume straight?

279. Your plume is delightfully askew.

280. Now, will your father be attending the performance today?

281. No. Dad doesn't think I'm funny.

282. Historically, clown fathers haven't been very supportive.

283. It is up to I and you

284. to break the cycle of indifference.

285. Strickland Propane, Hank speaking.

286. Mr. Hill, this is Professor Twilly, Bobby's clownology teacher.

287. "Professor?" You can actually become a professor in that?

288. Yes. Any more questions?

289. - Uh, no. - Good.

290. Because you are about to miss your boy's shining moment.

291. Bobby, or shall I say Monsieur Tartuffe,

292. the spry wonder dog, is about to entertain

293. the entire student body!

294. Bobby, practice your flouncing.

295. Flouncier. Flouncier!

296. Pip-pip! Pip-pip!

297. You've stepped in lava.

298. Now you're moving through pudding.

299. Bobby, you're up next.

300. - Wonderful. - A seat in the front row, please.

301. Excuse me, sir. Do you have a ticket?

302. No. I just have to give something to my son, Bobby Hill.

303. It's urgent.

304. Sir, if you don't have a ticket I can't allow you to...

305. Did he just run in my hallway?

306. You stay here. I'll be right back.

307. What am I doing?

308. Bobby?

309. Dad!

310. You made it!

311. I went by the house and brought you some of your gag toys.

312. I got your rubber chicken, your fake hand.

313. Take them out there with you. You've got to do your old stuff.

314. So you think I'm funny?

315. No, Bobby, I don't.

316. But according to the notes your teachers send home,

317. your classmates do.

318. Look, this guy's got you thinking this gesture crap is funny.

319. It's not funny. It's just weird.

320. And they'll think it's weird.

321. And you still have four years of high school with these kids.

322. They'll find another class clown, and you'll just be that creepy kid

323. in the body suit who ruined the talent show.

324. No thanks, Dad.

325. I'm a real clown now.

326. I don't need to rely on cheap props.

327. Next up, the comedy stylings of Bobby Hill.

328. - Huh? - And now...

329. Tartuffe, the spry wonder dog, upsets a ladies' tea ceremony

330. - and is severely beaten. - Oh, God.

331. Of course I'd like some tea,

332. as long as it's not going to scald me.

333. Ow!

334. It scalds.

335. Perfect! Don't be afraid of the silence!

336. Certainly, madame, I would like a beating.

337. Wait. Did I say like?

338. I meant to say "not like."

339. You're getting a reaction, Bobby!

340. They're booing you, son.

341. You are almost at the Ha-Ha!

342. The Ha-Ha, Bobby, the Ha-Ha!

343. They look pretty creeped out. I can see it from here.

344. Oh my God. What is that?

345. Excuse me, ladies.

346. I had a few too many beans today.

347. There goes my bean sandwich.

348. What?

349. What could possibly be funny about fart noises?

350. Bobby, you don't want these kinds of laughs!

351. This laughter is ill-informed!

352. This was Principal Moss five minutes ago.

353. The old pencil-in-the-can bit. Always funny.

354. Don't know why.

355. "I thought I smelled corn, and this confirms it.