King of the Hill 10x5

Directed by Kyounghee Lim

Paul F. Tompkins as Professor Twilley (voice) • Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • Ashley Johnson as Emily (voice) • David Herman as (voice) • Jonathan Joss as John Redcorn (voice)

Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. The Japanese call this poetry haiku.

2. Yes, Bobby?

3. Oh! I was just stretching.

4. The haiku poem has five syllables,

5. then seven, then five... Bobby?

6. What?

7. There's a magnet in the ceiling and it has my pencil!

8. And the magnet just released.

9. And that

10. is how Jesus taught us

11. not to borrow things from people,

12. then destroy them, then pass them off as missing.

13. Now, if all the children of the flock

14. will join me on the stairs.

15. Ohh... there's something wrong with my eyes today!

16. Bobby!

17. Hello, "dere."

18. I thought I smelled corn,

19. and this confirms it.

20. That was not me!

21. Dang it, Bobby!

22. This is inappropriate dinner table behavior.

23. Now, right now, I want...

24. I know.

25. Go to my room.

26. Hey, d'you ever wonder where kids went to

27. before they had rooms?

28. I mean, did caveman dads say...

29. Just go.

30. Peggy, what are we gonna do about the boy?

31. He's cutting up at church, at school.

32. Heck, I can't even take him to the Mega-Lo-Mart

33. without him trying to get on the P.A. system.

34. Hank, you cannot blame Bobby.

35. He just has no outlet to express his creativity.

36. He's a boy; he doesn't need to be creative.

37. Our son can make people laugh.

38. Some call that a gift.

39. I do as well.

40. You know, in high school,

41. we all thought Raul Sanders was a laugh riot.

42. Then when he got six months in juvie

43. and had a child out of wedlock, we stopped laughing.

44. School is not about being the class clown.

45. Unless

46. it's a class full of clowns.

47. They teach a class in clowning at Arlen Community College.

48. A clowning class?

49. Perfect.

50. This is just what Bobby needs.

51. A supportive place where he can work out all his comedy energy.

52. Huh... it's not a bad idea.

53. It's like running your dog around the park for an hour

54. to keep him from jumping all over the furniture.

55. But Bobby can't go to college— he's 13.

56. Sometimes you don't have to be college years old.

57. There was a kid in my history class that was 12.

58. I liked him.

59. Whenever I would answer a question in class,

60. he would laugh.

61. I went to his birthday party.

62. Lie down in your basket, Ladybird!

63. Yes!

64. A class in clowning?

65. And you're supporting it?

66. But here's the deal, son:

67. the shenanigans stay in clown class—

68. not at school or church or anyplace else

69. that's not appropriate.

70. Now get some sleep.

71. Or stay up all night— whichever makes you funnier.

72. I think a clown class is a great idea for Bobby.

73. You know, I had a picture of a clown

74. above my bed growing up.

75. I thought it was God for the longest time.

76. I've done extermination for three different Bozos.

77. Nice guys, but do not get them started on gay marriage.

78. Hey!

79. Hey, we got your ball!

80. Hey! Ball!

81. Gentlemen, this kickball

82. rolled into our lives for a reason.

83. You've still got a wicked curve ball, Boomhauer.

84. I'm going to have to call myself out.

85. Bill, get ready.

86. I'm bunting!

87. I'm going to get you!

88. Ah, it's as good as I remember.

89. So I see you're ready for your, uh, clown class.

90. Can you lean back a little?

91. Your hair is in my blind spot.

92. Do you think it works?

93. I thought about wearing a hat on top of the hair,

94. but I couldn't decide if that was funny or just crazy.

95. Now, Bobby, go in there

96. and give everything you've got.

97. And if you still feel funny at the end of class,

98. stay after for extra credit.

99. Got it, Dad.

100. Hi. Bobby Hill, Tom Landry class clown.

101. Oh, hi! I am so excited.

102. This is going to be so much fun.

103. Don't you just love comedy?

104. Great clowns are not born.

105. They are made right here.

106. I make clowns.

107. If you're looking for an easy "A"... think again.

108. In fact, some refer to this class as "Frowns for Clowns."

109. Ah... I see some of you

110. are already wearing your fright wigs.

111. The wig isn't something you wear;

112. it is something you earn.

113. Do you know why the shoes wear big

114. or the nose be bulbous?

115. Uh... funny?

116. Of course, they're funny.

117. They're hilarious, in fact.

118. But if you don't know why, it is pointless.

119. Can anyone explain this equation to me?

120. Can you explain this?

121. No.

122. Until you can, dispose of your costuming.

123. You are nowhere near funny.

124. All right, our first lesson,

125. textbook chapter one: funny words.

126. You. Name a body part.

127. Uh... leg!

128. Not funny!

129. And here's why:

130. no funny letters.

131. Sacroiliac!

132. Exactly.

133. It has the "K" sound twice,

134. and the "oi" sound.

135. Excellent work, Boris.

136. Boris is taking this class for the ninth time,

137. and he is almost a clown.

138. Someday, and with your help, sir.

139. Armpit?

140. Um... no.

141. But your attempt is pathetic,

142. and pathos is one of the cornerstones of comedy.

143. John Redcorn.

144. Joseph.

145. Uh...

146. Connie.

147. Dale, I suppose.

148. Gih! I'm picked last?

149. But does your precious Connie own custom kickball shoes?

150. Hey, Bobby! How was your first day?

151. Do you want to show us your juggling?

152. I haven't learned how to actually juggle,

153. but I can tell you why juggling the fragile

154. is almost as funny as juggling the intractable.

155. Oh.

156. Professor Twilley knows all about this kind of stuff.

157. He's gonna help me reach my comedic potential.

158. Uh-huh.

159. According to him, Adam Sandler isn't funny.

160. All right, son.

161. Well, I guess I better go hit the books.

162. He didn't make a single dumb joke.

163. He was just... regular.

164. Oh, God, he's doing a pratfall.

165. No, wait, that was real.

166. That actually looks like a pretty nasty scrape.

167. Attaboy.

168. A unicycle with six wheels?

169. Oh, the number six.

170. Are you laughing at or with?

171. Uh... at?

172. Wrong.

173. Oh, Mr. Twilley, that's why I came here today.

174. I'm kind of not getting it.

175. No kidding.

176. But I've always been the funny kid.

177. I do stuff, people laugh.

178. I thought I was a natural.

179. Have I been wrong all these years?

180. Oh, definitely.

181. But it's not your fault.

182. You haven't been properly trained.

183. Look at your flow chart of funny.

184. Comedy starts with the "Ha,"

185. which identifies the situation as comedic.

186. The "Ha" is followed by the "Guffaw."

187. This creates anticipation.

188. Next, there is the "Aw,"

189. to condition your audience for surprise

190. at the final element, the "Ha-Ha."

191. Now does it make sense?

192. Not really.

193. But you got to believe me, I really want to understand.

194. I want to be the best clown I can be.

195. I'm not going to give up on you yet.

196. I think what you need is some supplemental reading

197. from my personal archives, including this.

198. It's a copy of Steve Allen's How to Be Funny

199. that he signed for ten extra dollars.

200. I'll start studying these right away.

201. Uh, wait. This one's not in English.

202. You're welcome.

203. A kick and a miss

204. for John "No-Scori" Red-corin."

205. I thought we said no bouncies.

206. Ow...!

207. Could you guys keep it down?

208. I'm trying to study.

209. You bet, son.

210. You're out.

211. This was my first audition for Cirque Fantastique.

212. It seems like just yesterday

213. I answered to the name Dodo McGoofGoof.

214. Ooh, here's where I do "the pantomime

215. of the wrong greeting" entirely in gibberish.

216. Gwata galumpus. Ig skalko menifista.

217. Ha! Yes!

218. All right, we have established this is funny.

219. But why?

220. It's funny because it follows Aristotle's dictum:

221. it delights— note the gallivanting,

222. and teaches—

223. the bear chases you

224. since you poked him.

225. And it follows the "ha, guffaw, aw, ha-ha" formula.

226. Congratulations, Bobby.

227. You have just proven why I am funny.

228. I think you're ready for character work.

229. Really?

230. Yes, we'll begin your study of Commedia Dell'Arte.

231. Classic clowning.

232. Humph! I had to take this class six times

233. before I got to do that.

234. Hey, Bobby.

235. So what's college like?

236. Is it true the library is open all night?

237. It's brutal.

238. Today I have to come up with

239. a "Commedia Dell'Arte-style character."

240. Wow.

241. Mild deception is the lowest form of tomfoolery.

242. But people will think he farted.

243. Joseph, after taking this class,

244. I realize that that isn't funny,

245. and I also realize that you are not funny.

246. Aw, man!

247. But, Connie, you are hilarious.

248. Really?

249. Yes.

250. In Algebra this morning,

251. you said Clark Peters is as dumb as a dog.

252. But what you were really saying

253. is that a dog is as smart as a boy—

254. wonderful!

255. Uh... yeah.

256. Hmm.

257. I am a dog as smart as a boy.

258. A precocious trickster am I.

259. They call me Tartuffe the Spry Wonder Dog.

260. Magnificently absurd.

261. The comedic requirements are all there:

262. intention communication, inopportunity,

263. non-naturalism, prancing.

264. It has the energy of Jacques Callot

265. and the élan of Waylon Flowers and Madam.

266. Yes!

267. Don't blot my bacon, Mom,

268. I'm celebrating.

269. You got it.

270. I sit at the table,

271. yet my proper position is by your feet.

272. What manner of scamp am I?

273. I really don't understand what is happening.

274. Now, cut that out...

275. whatever that is you're doing.

276. Sorry, Dad. I'm just excited.

277. See, I was starting to think I wasn't funny.

278. But then my teacher helped me

279. come up with this great new character.

280. Uh-huh, that's fine; just keep it in class.

281. Up to now, you've done a pretty good job

282. of not being funny around here.

283. So just keep it up.

284. Okay, Dad.

285. Pass the ketchup.

286. Regular ketchup,

287. or one that weighs 10,000 pounds?

288. Regular.

289. Excusez-moi?

290. If you're here to nominate me for an American Clowning Award,

291. the petition is right here.

292. Oh, hello, Bobby.

293. Professor, my school talent show is coming up.

294. Do you think I should perform a sketch

295. as Tartuffe the Spry Wonder Dog?

296. Bobby, that's an idea and three-quarters!

297. It's moments like this that are so much more rewarding

298. than winning an American Clowning Award.

299. Now, who will be attending this "talent show"?

300. Everyone in the school will be there,

301. since we get out of class for it.

302. Even the janitors get to come.

303. I have always wanted to bring classic clowning

304. to the children of Arlen.

305. The janitorial staff will be a bonus.

306. Now, we must find the perfect costume

307. for Tartuffe.

308. Eh. Doesn't wow me.

309. Good eye, Bobby!

310. You, of course, need something bolder.

311. What about this?

312. And these?

313. Perfect!

314. The middle school will be agog.

315. I'm going to be the most popular kid in school.

316. I don't know what they do.

317. Ask him.

318. Hey, you're in clown school.

319. Do something funny now.

320. Off the top of my head—

321. there are 17 things I could do with this globe that are funny,

322. and two that aren't.

323. Wow.

324. But... you'll have to wait until the talent show,

325. like everyone else.

326. Everyone play deep— this guy swings a big leg!

327. The ball was wet.

328. I-It wasn't my fault.

329. There was nothing anyone could've done.

330. Well, balls come and balls go, when you think about it.

331. Well, I guess that's it.

332. I've got to get to work anyway.

333. I am so excited.

334. Is my plume straight?

335. Your plume is delightfully askew.

336. Now, will your father be attending the performance today?

337. No. Dad doesn't think I'm funny.

338. Historically, clown fathers haven't been very supportive.

339. It is up to I and you to break the cycle of indifference.

340. Strickland Propane. Hank speaking.

341. Mr. Hill, this is Professor Twilley,

342. Bobby's clownology teacher.

343. Professor? You can actually become a professor in that?

344. Yes. Any more questions?

345. Uh, no.

346. Good, because you are about to miss

347. your boy's shining moment.

348. Bobby, or shall I say Monsieur Tartuffe

349. the Spry Wonder Dog,

350. is about to entertain the entire student body.

351. Bobby, practice your flouncing.

352. Flouncier...

353. Flouncier!

354. Pip pip! Pip pip!

355. You've stepped in lava.

356. Now you're moving through pudding.

357. Bobby, you're up next.

358. Wonderful!

359. A seat in the front row, please.

360. Excuse me, sir.

361. Do you have a ticket?

362. No.

363. I just have to give something to my son, Bobby Hill.

364. It's urgent.

365. Sir, if you don't have a ticket,

366. I can't allow you to...

367. Did he just run in my hallway?

368. You stay here. I'll be right back.

369. What am I doing?

370. Go! Fight! Landry!

371. Go! Go! Fight! Fight!

372. Bobby?

373. Dad!

374. You made it!

375. I went by the house

376. and brought you some of your gag toys.

377. I got your rubber chicken, your... fake hand.

378. Take 'em out there with you.

379. You've got to do your old stuff.

380. So you think I'm funny?

381. No, Bobby, I don't, but according to the notes

382. your teachers send home, your classmates do.

383. Look, this guy's got you thinking

384. this jester crap is funny.

385. It's not funny, it's just weird.

386. And they'll think it's weird.

387. And you still have four years of high school

388. with these kids.

389. They'll find another class clown,

390. and you'll just be that creepy kid in the bodysuit

391. who ruined the talent show.

392. No thanks, Dad.

393. I'm a real clown now.

394. I don't need to rely on cheap props.

395. Next up, the comedy stylings of Bobby Hill.

396. Huh?

397. And now, Tartuffe the Spry Wonder Dog

398. upsets a ladies' tea ceremony and is severely beaten.

399. Oh, God.

400. Of course I'd like some tea—

401. as long as it's not going to scald me.

402. Ow!

403. It scalds.

404. Perfect.

405. Don't be afraid of the silence.

406. Uh...

407. Certainly, Madam, I would like a beating.

408. Wait. Did I say "like"?

409. I meant to say "not like."

410. You're getting a reaction, Bobby.

411. They're booing you, son.

412. You are almost at the Ha-Ha!

413. The Ha-Ha, Bobby! The Ha-Ha!

414. They look pretty creeped out— I can see it from here.

415. Oh, my God. What is that?

416. Excuse me, ladies, I had a few too many beans today.

417. Oh!

418. There goes my bean sandwich!

419. What? What could possibly be funny about fart noises?

420. Bobby! You don't want these kinds of laughs!

421. This laughter is ill-informed!

422. This was Principal Moss

423. five minutes ago.

424. Oh! The old "pencil in the can" bit.

425. Always funny.

426. Don't know why.

427. I thought I smelled corn, and this confirms it.