King of the Hill 10x14

Directed by Kyounghee Lim

Ricki Lake as Lila (voice) • Paul Butcher as Caleb (voice) • David Herman as (voice) • Scott Klace as Jim (voice)

A young boy, Caleb, starts following Hank around, making fun of him and generally annoying him. Hank isn't sure how to deal with such a young bully.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. How are we supposed

2. to introduce ourselves to the neighbors

3. if they never leave the house?

4. Well, it's been three weeks.

5. If we don't do it soon,

6. we're going to be forced into giving them

7. awkward waves and avoiding eye contact

8. until someone dies or moves away.

9. Oh, shoot...

10. Look, they're leaving!

11. Oh! Hello!

12. Hi, neighbors! I'm Peggy Hill!

13. I want to welcome you...

14. Oh.

15. I feel awful that none of us have

16. welcomed them into the neighborhood yet.

17. Heck, by this time,

18. we had already given Kahn a housewarming gift

19. and started hating him.

20. Wait, you haven't met Lila and Jim?

21. I just cleaned out all the pests

22. in their attic free of charge.

23. Nothing says, "Welcome to the Neighborhood"

24. as well as a gunnysack full of dead squirrels.

25. You've met them already?

26. And you've already killed stuff for them?

27. You shouldn't be afraid of them.

28. They're really nice.

29. They let me use their bathroom...

30. No questions asked.

31. Ah, man, it don't take nothin'

32. but a got dang ol' second, man.

33. Just talkin' bout a ol' "Welcome to the neighborhood," man.

34. You know, done.

35. I know how to welcome new neighbors, Boomhauer.

36. Hey!

37. Who you waving at?

38. They're strangers to you.

39. Peggy!

40. Hank, do you want

41. the last of the cookies Bill made us?

42. Mine! Caleb!

43. That was for our guests.

44. That boy sure has a mind of his own.

45. Hey, he's quick, too.

46. And he's only ten?

47. Wow, he's as big as Bobby.

48. Hey, Bobby?

49. Why don't you toss the ball with Caleb?

50. Okay.

51. Uh...

52. Bobby didn't limber up.

53. What'd you forget at the market?

54. Dale, there are dead squirrels sitting

55. on my cottage cheese.

56. Don't blame me,

57. blame the city dump.

58. They raised their fees,

59. so I have to save up the carcasses

60. in order to be economical.

61. Get them out, Dale.

62. I'm guessing you don't want this guy camping out

63. in the freezer then, huh?

64. Huh?

65. "Taxidermy."

66. Hey, I have a lot of dead animals.

67. I'll make a killing stuffing them

68. after I've made a killing killing them!

69. This better be leftovers, Dale.

70. Uh, let me take that.

71. Gentlemen, who wants to get

72. their Christmas shopping out of the way?

73. Dang it, Dale,

74. get those filthy things off our cooler.

75. We keep beer in there, for God's sake.

76. Relax, Hank.

77. They've been boiled, scrubbed, de-boned,

78. powdered and stuffed with surgical cotton.

79. They're cleaner than Bill.

80. That one in the middle is staring at me.

81. Dale, we're going to take a two minute walk.

82. When we come back,

83. I want those things gone and the cooler sanitized.

84. Did you make this, Dale?

85. I already know... it's horrible.

86. No. No, no, I like it.

87. It just seems like it needs more... oomph.

88. Who was this squirrel?

89. Was he a climber?

90. A jumper?

91. Did he take chances?

92. There you go.

93. Now there is a story being told

94. about how tasty his little acorn is.

95. My God, that is exactly how he looked

96. when I killed him in the first place.

97. Hey, I've got a crow defrosting...

98. Like to take a crack at him?

99. Lead the way.

100. What are you building?

101. Oh! Oh! Oh, Caleb.

102. I didn't know you were there.

103. I'm building a shelf for my paint cans.

104. Thanks for asking.

105. You know, Bobby never showed much interest in...

106. Uh...

107. Be careful there, Caleb.

108. That's a measuring instrument,

109. not a yo-yo.

110. You don't want to kink the tape,

111. or it won't retract back into its housing.

112. Thunder!

113. Now, now, listen, son,

114. this is a work place,

115. not a playground, okay?

116. If you want me to teach you

117. how to use that saw properly,

118. I'd be more than happy to show you.

119. Now, Caleb, when sawing wood...

120. Okay.

121. Okay, don't panic.

122. Accidents happen.

123. Let me grab my shop towels.

124. No, Caleb, you need to dab.

125. You're smearing.

126. You've got to lift the towel...

127. Uh...

128. Uh, you know what, Caleb?

129. Just forget it,

130. I-I'm going to tackle this mess

131. by myself, okay?

132. Okay then.

133. Uh, hello, Caleb.

134. What are you doing?

135. I'm watering the lawn.

136. Caleb, no, you don't ride on a lawn...

137. Especially when it's wet.

138. I like nicknames.

139. Call me "C-Unit."

140. Uh, okay, C-Unit.

141. Yeah!

142. Now you need a nickname.

143. I got it... "Dusty old bones!"

144. Yeah! Yeah!

145. Uh. Yeah, I think "Mr. Hill"

146. is probably the best way to go.

147. Dusty old bones,

148. full of green dust!

149. Dusty old bones,

150. full of green dust!

151. "Green dust?"

152. "Dusty old bones, full of green dust"?

153. What kind of nickname is that?

154. Sounds like a pretty crappy one to me,

155. considering how much he's got to work with.

156. Hey, old man!

157. Dusty old bones,

158. full of green dust!

159. Does that seem funny to any of you?

160. No, but it is rather catchy.

161. I don't get it, why did he pick on me?

162. I mean, Dale has a dead possum

163. on his shoulder,

164. and Caleb completely ignored it.

165. Got it! What in the...

166. Caleb, get back here!

167. My God, you just opened that beer!

168. You going to cry, dusty old bones?

169. Wait, I recognize this.

170. They pick on you, they mess with your stuff...

171. He's a bully!

172. He's your bully, Hank!

173. What?

174. White shirt! White shirt!

175. How'd you get your shirt so white,

176. white shirt?

177. Yep.

178. And a weird bully at that.

179. So, this is your bully stain.

180. I do not have a bully.

181. I am an adult.

182. Adults can't be bullied

183. by ten-year-old kids.

184. Yeah, you sure talk a big game when Caleb's not around.

185. Man, you gonna take that from him, man?

186. Just grab a rag and shut up, both of you.

187. Fair enough.

188. It's beautiful.

189. Absolutely beautiful.

190. Peggy, you're the Hemingway of the taxidermy diorama.

191. Oh, thanks.

192. And you, Dale, are the Mozart of that suction thingy

193. that removes all the guts.

194. Do you really think it's good?

195. I think it's this good.

196. Excuse me.

197. Is this where we sign up for the taxidermy competition?

198. Yes it is, ma'am.

199. Is, uh, that your entry?

200. You sir, are looking at first place.

201. So, that's gonna be first place, huh?

202. Before you sign up, why don't you two take a look

203. at last year's winner.

204. Huh?

205. Man, there's more than pipe cleaners

206. holding that sucker together.

207. We don't stand a chance.

208. Oh, yes we do.

209. Dale, you've got to find me bigger game.

210. You've got to be kidding me.

211. Who's gonna lick a stamp that has Bill Clinton on it?

212. I'm only telling you what I've heard.

213. Uh, Caleb,

214. this is not proper behavior

215. when two adults are trying to speak.

216. Why don't you play with that somewhere else?

217. So, anyway, yeah, why don't they put Dale Earnhardt on a stamp?

218. I mean, he won seven Winston Cup...

219. Alright, Caleb, I'm gonna count to three.

220. One, two...

221. Three!

222. Uh, three.

223. Ah, Hank, I better be getting on my way.

224. I... See you later.

225. Hey, Hank.

226. We're really looking forward to your barbecue.

227. So, uh, I want to talk to you about, uh, Caleb.

228. He's been, kind of, uh...

229. teasing me.

230. Oh, teasing's just his way

231. of showing how much he likes you.

232. Yeah, uh, actually, it's more than just teasing.

233. It's more like harassing.

234. That's just his way of testing you.

235. You know how kids are.

236. He's just so smart.

237. The best thing to do when he gets that way is to ignore him.

238. Uh, well, he's kind of hard to ignore

239. when he's whacking a little red ball right next to your head.

240. Caleb.

241. Hey, Peggy.

242. Oh, good, you're back.

243. What have you got?

244. Um, so you know how there's never anything big and dead

245. around when you need it?

246. Three groundhogs and...

247. What the hell is that?

248. Half a groundhog.

249. Hey, Dad, can I flip my burger?

250. Uh, are you sure?

251. You remember what happened to that pancake.

252. Oh, yeah.

253. Uh, uh, uh, Caleb.

254. You, uh, you want a burger?

255. Where are your parents anyway?

256. Give me that hat, old man.

257. What are you...

258. Caleb, please stop grabbing at my hat.

259. It's the property of Strickland Propane.

260. Lila! Jim!

261. Got it!

262. Dang it, Caleb.

263. Give me back my hat!

264. Too slow, dusty old bones.

265. I'm not playing, Caleb.

266. Give me my hat back.

267. Keep-a-way!

268. Can you believe that kid?

269. Keep-a-way!

270. What the hell are you doing, Bill?

271. Sorry, Hank, I just got all caught up.

272. Oh look, Lila, Caleb wrote another one of his songs.

273. He is so creative.

274. Dance, old man! Dance!

275. I made noise!

276. I'm a superhero!

277. I'm Pop-Pop Man!

278. You are way out of line, young man!

279. You need to learn some manners!

280. Caleb, get off the bike.

281. Now, when you learn a little respect you'll get this back.

282. Well, I took care of the Caleb situation.

283. I admit, I almost lost it, but then I realized

284. he was just a kid and just needed a little firm guidance.

285. Well, at least something's going right.

286. How'd you do it?

287. I just took his bike and locked it in the garage.

288. Yep, Caleb's gonna learn a big lesson

289. when he has to come back here and ask for that bike back.

290. And he's gonna have to do it with respect.

291. Hopefully, his parents will come along so they can learn

292. a thing or two about raising a kid.

293. Oh, good, that's probably them now.

294. I want my bike back.

295. Well, you're gonna have to ask nicer than that, Caleb.

296. Oh, yeah?

297. There it is, officers, not a scratch on it.

298. All I was trying to do was make a point.

299. By stealing a ten-year-old's bike?

300. What, are you a tough guy, huh?

301. You want to try and take something away from me, big boy?

302. No. You've got it all wrong.

303. I'm the victim here.

304. That kid is out of control,

305. and his parents won't do anything about it.

306. Officers, could we please have our son's bike back?

307. We'd really just like to get this behind us.

308. Yes, sir.

309. Give the boy back his bike.

310. Here you go, Caleb.

311. And he liked you so much.

312. Hank, you can't hide in here forever.

313. Come out and have a beer with us.

314. I'm not hiding, Bill.

315. Hank, that's a lie, and we both know it.

316. Now come on, if Caleb comes at you,

317. we'll all run away together.

318. I'm not worried about Caleb.

319. I'm just... I'm re-tacking the sofa.

320. Sure, Hank.

321. When you decide you're done "re-tacking,"

322. you give a holler.

323. Wet old man.

324. You know, it's a felony

325. to use a mail slot for anything other than mail?

326. Dude. Dude, I'm Kelly Slater, dude. Dude.

327. Uh, hey, uh,

328. how would you guys like to make

329. five bucks?

330. All you have to do is put a little scare

331. into a pesky ten-year-old.

332. Yeah, we'll do that, sure.

333. If you can give us a ride to the gas station,

334. we'll take care of the rest.

335. Just make sure his alarm system at his house is turned off.

336. Uh...

337. Is that a deer?

338. No, Dale, that is the picture

339. on the sign... again.

340. I can't believe this.

341. Three deaf kids have already crossed here,

342. and not a single deer.

343. I'm sorry, Peggy.

344. I blew it again.

345. I'm not worthy to work beside your genius.

346. I'd say stuff me,

347. but that would get us Honorable Mention at best.

348. Oh, now, Dale.

349. I'm sorry, Peggy.

350. I failed you.

351. I'm used to letting Hank down, but not you.

352. Dale, this is not your fault.

353. I put you in a no-win situation.

354. We've been looking in all the wrong places.

355. We shouldn't have been looking out there.

356. We should have been looking in here.

357. Come on, Dale.

358. We got a contest to enter.

359. Yup.

360. Yup.

361. Mm-hmm.

362. I just don't know what to do about Caleb.

363. I feel helpless.

364. I can't physically stop him.

365. His parents would have me arrested,

366. and they'd have a point.

367. I mean, he's a kid, and I'm an adult.

368. But someone needs to put him in his place.

369. Too bad we're not little people.

370. Then it would be a fair fight.

371. Bobby!

372. You want me to do what?

373. Look, I hate to ask you to fight my battles for me, son,

374. but I have no other choice.

375. Will you do it?

376. I can see that you really need my help, Dad.

377. I just don't think I can do it.

378. It seems so wrong.

379. Look, I know it goes against everything I've taught you,

380. Bobby, but I know you can do it.

381. There he is, Bobby.

382. Now go over there and do exactly like I showed you.

383. I can do this.

384. I can do this.

385. Holy smoke. What's going on?

386. Snap, crackle, pop, Pops!

387. Bobby, what are you doing?

388. Hey, hey, that's a good way

389. to hurt someone.

390. Please, stop doing that.

391. A tisket, a tasket,

392. There goes your basket.

393. Hey!

394. Cut that out, Bobby!

395. Keep-away!

396. Hello, Jim and Lila.

397. What brings you here?

398. Your son is out of control!

399. Yep, Bobby's got a lot of spirit, all right.

400. Spirit?

401. He spread trash all over our yard

402. and viciously attacked Jim.

403. Well, he must really like you a lot.

404. He's got a funny way of showing it.

405. Well, if I were you,

406. I'd just learn to ignore it,

407. because once Bobby decides he likes you,

408. he's never gonna stop.

409. If you're trying to compare Bobby to our Caleb,

410. you're way off base.

411. Bobby is... is just a troublemaker.

412. Caleb has a precocious sense of adventure.

413. He's expressive.

414. He goes to the gifted magnet school.

415. Well, good for him.

416. But I wouldn't sell Bobby short.

417. I think he's about to "express himself" right now.

418. What you got in the squirt gun, son?

419. That's for me to know and Jim and Lila to find out.

420. You folks want to find out?

421. Or do you want to tell Caleb

422. to stop riding his bike on my lawn?

423. Caleb, please don't ride your bike on Mr. Hill's lawn.

424. You mean Dusty old bones?

425. I mean it, son.

426. Get off the grass!

427. Gentlemen, prepare for greatness.

428. Voila.

429. The signing of the "Declaration of Independence."

430. We call it: "No Tax-I-dermy-ation

431. without Representation."

432. You're going to love this.

433. Watch what happens when Ben Franklin's kite

434. gets hit by lightning.

435. For that I sincerely apologize.

436. And that, too.

437. Green dust?