1. And with the
promotional discount,
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2. combined with your Auto
Club discount your refill...
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3. Ah, it says outside that you
also honor competitor's coupons.
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4. That is true.
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5. So, including
that, your total is...
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6. Uh, looks like we
owe you three dollars.
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7. Sir, this price war
is bleeding us dry.
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8. We can't keep selling
propane at a loss.
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9. Yeah, well, I ain't
never lost a price war,
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10. and I don't intend to start now.
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11. Passions always run so
high around Propane Expo.
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12. Uh, Joe Jack, give me a
hand outside with the sign.
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13. Sure, honey. What's up?
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14. You're fired!
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15. There. Now I just saved
us 400 bucks a week.
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16. Wait! I need this job!
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17. Sorry, no room in the lifeboat!
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18. Well, I guess that's how
shoes get stuck in trees.
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19. And purses.
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20. Hey, baby doll!
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21. The radio just said
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22. Brownsville Station are
doing a reunion tour...
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23. "Still Smokin' In
The Boys' Room!"
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24. Brownsville Station is
your favorite band ever!
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25. They inspired
him to play guitar.
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26. And to smoke.
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27. Let's go to the Agora Theater
and get us some tickets.
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28. Can I come?
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29. I don't have shoes.
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30. The Station's not about shoes.
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31. They're about rock. Come on!
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32. Smokin' in the boys' room, yeah
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33. Smokin' in the boys' room...
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34. Thatherton's doing
it again, Hank.
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35. He's up to 3-for-1.
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36. Now, when
Mr. Strickland comes back,
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37. he's gonna want the "4."
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38. It's our job to say
we can't find it.
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39. You know who was
a really good liar?
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40. Joe Jack.
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41. He'll be okay.
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42. I got him a job at the
Propane Expo this weekend.
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43. You know, to tide him over.
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44. Oh, that's great.
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45. What's he doing?
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46. Uh, he's wearing
a sandwich board.
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47. He's gonna be the
restroom arrow guy.
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48. We can't go on like this, Hank!
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49. The more we sell,
the more we lose!
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50. The more we lose,
the more we sell!
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51. I'm-I'm-I'm having
a panic attack!
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52. Enrique, get a grip.
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53. Get your heads out
of the oven, folks!
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54. I hired those fellas from
the American Chopper show
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55. to make an
appearance at the Expo.
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56. I love those guys...
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57. the way they fight
and build motorcycles!
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58. Yeah, yeah, well,
right now they in Dallas
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59. building a bike for some
billionaire computer geek,
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60. but I convinced them
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61. to make a little
detour to Arlen.
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62. You take that,
you son of a bitch!
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63. I got myself some
basic cable TV stars!
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64. Huh, I would've thought
big-name guests like that
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65. would charge an awfully
steep appearance fee.
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66. Well, that depends
on where $20,000 sits
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67. on your steepness radar.
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68. $20,000? Sir, I'm not
sure this is the best use
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69. of our limited
financial resources.
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70. Well, I am!
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71. From now on, whenever
people watch American Chopper,
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72. they'll think
Strickland Propane.
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73. Like whenever I see a blimp,
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74. I think of that
company, you know...
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75. What is it, again?
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76. Anyway, it's called "branding."
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77. Ah, you hear that, Thatherton?
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78. You hear that AA-1?
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79. I'm gonna brand all your asses!
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80. What are you doing
sitting on your butt?
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81. We gotta get that
bike on the floor
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82. of the Javits Center by Friday.
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83. I'm reading a magazine.
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84. You stupid, stupid idiot!
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85. I'm not sure these are the guys
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86. to be representing
Strickland Propane.
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87. They seem to fight an awful lot.
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88. Yes, but they are celebrities,
Hank, and studies show
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89. that people would rather
watch celebrities fight
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90. than regular people make love.
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91. Huh. Well, people at work
sure seemed excited about 'em.
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92. Maybe it'll be okay.
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93. Hey, Pop, how do
I look on this bike?
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94. Now you got something to
do, Paulie... clean that up.
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95. So, Lucky, when do
tickets go on sale?
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96. One hour and six days.
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97. That's a long time to
stand in line without shoes.
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98. Let's go home and order tickets
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99. when they're for
sale on the Internet.
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100. You want to get the
best seats, don't you?
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101. Well, how can you
tell if you're first in line
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102. on the Internet? You can't.
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103. If I'm here, I can see it.
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104. Line starts behind me.
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105. ANNOUNCER ON P.A.
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106. I can't believe the
American Chopper guys
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107. are here in Arlen!
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108. Which Tuttle is your favorite?
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109. Mine's Paul Sr.
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110. He looks like a walrus
but yells like a man.
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111. I tell you what, man,
that dang ol' Paulie Jr.'s
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112. like the dang ol' show, man.
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113. That Spiderman bike, man?
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114. Talkin' 'bout
dang ol' epic, man.
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115. You know, some believe
there was a fourth Tuttle,
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116. but he fell into a vat of chrome
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117. and was turned into
a bitchin' sissy bar.
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118. Well, I guess Buck was right.
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119. Look at all these people.
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120. So, Hank, are they
bringing a motorcycle
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121. made with propane tanks,
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122. one that runs on propane,
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123. or one that just
looks like propane?
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124. I don't know, Buck
handled all the negotiations.
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125. Oh, my God.
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126. It's the state regulatory
commissioner.
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127. Uh, having a good time,
Commissioner Evers?
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128. I'm not here to have
a good time, Hill.
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129. Well, I am.
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130. Damn it, Dale, you don't
mouth off to a commissioner.
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131. They give licenses and
they can take them away.
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132. So, Walter, what do you think
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133. your customers are
gonna like better,
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134. my boys from American Chopper
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135. or your free refrigerator
magnet, huh?
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136. Hey, Jerry Sandoval,
have some ChapStick...
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137. You're about to kiss my ass!
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138. Afternoon, everyone.
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139. I'm Buck Strickland
from Strickland Propane
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140. and I think I know
what you all are here for!
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141. American Chopper rules!
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142. Now let's have a big
Strickland Propane welcome
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143. for the guys from
American Chopper
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144. the two Pauls and Mikey...
Presented by Strickland Propane!
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145. We love you, Mikey!
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146. Let's hear it for
Paulie and Mikey.
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147. And Pop.
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148. Boy, if the crowd
is this fired up,
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149. just wait till they
bring out the bike.
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150. Way to go, Mikey! Big time!
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151. That's what I'm talkin' about!
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152. Yes!
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153. Bring out the bike!
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154. Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike!
Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike!
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155. Hey, Strickland, is this
all they're gonna do?
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156. Yeah, they don't
even have a bike!
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157. I've got magnets!
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158. I'm going over to
Thatherton Fuels
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159. to get a free pamphlet
from Miss December 1978!
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160. Uh, sir, what exactly
are they going to do
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161. for the next half hour?
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162. I don't really know.
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163. I'm not a fine
print kind of guy.
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164. Hey, any of you
fellas bring a chopper?
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165. A... a helmet?
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166. Something?
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167. I wanted to bring
the "NASCAR" bike,
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168. but these chuckleheads
didn't finish it.
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169. Maybe I coulda finished it
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170. if you would've stopped
asking every five minutes
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171. when I was gonna finish it.
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172. Okay, numb nuts, I'm
startin' to get aggravated here.
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173. Hey, let go of the hat!
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174. It bounced off my face!
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175. Hey, fruitcake,
that's my boy's hat!
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176. Don't make me come down there
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177. and use this size
12 on your face!
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178. Uh, would you join me
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179. in the singing of
our national anthem?
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180. Rock and roll!
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181. Yikes! This is one ugly story
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182. about Strickland Propane.
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183. But it does have
your name in it,
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184. so it's going right
in the scrapbook.
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185. We're making those
animals at Natural Gas
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186. look like choirboys.
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187. Okay, now, let's all calm down.
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188. You're grown men.
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189. Arlen Hospital can't handle
two bypasses at once.
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190. Buck, it's the Tuttles.
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191. They want their appearance fee.
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192. Yeah. Come on, Buck.
We got work to do.
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193. You got lucky this
time, Thatherton.
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194. Uh... you're breathing
pretty heavy, sir.
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195. I'll handle this.
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196. Could you keep it short, Hank?
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197. I got a job interview
on the other line.
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198. This is Hank Hill,
Assistant Manager,
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199. and we are not going to
pay you for inciting a riot.
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200. PAULIE, SR.: You
stupid, stupid idiot!
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201. Oh, God.
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202. No time to pray.
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203. We got to turn
things up a notch.
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204. I'm going to put on some cologne
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205. and renew my acquaintance
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206. with Jerry Sandoval's wife.
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207. That will show him
we mean business.
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208. Being bored all day
makes me hungry.
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209. Not to worry. I came prepared.
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210. Let me dip into our provisions.
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211. Could I have a sandwich
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212. with something on
it besides bread?
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213. Soon, Bobby.
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214. Once people start lining up,
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215. we'll be able to trade for
anything your heart desires:
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216. lunch meat, pickles,
Brownsville Station bootlegs.
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217. Oh, good!
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218. Here's Elvin with
our comfort station.
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219. I can't go in a Porta-Potty.
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220. I'm going to find
a ladies' room.
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221. Whoa! You can't leave, baby.
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222. No saves-ies. It's
the Code of the Line.
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223. But I can't hold
it for five days!
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224. I have to get going.
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225. I got homework to do.
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226. Nuh-uh. You can't
go if I can't go.
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227. Hold on, Bobby.
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228. Are you still in school?
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229. Seventh grade.
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230. Then run along, professor.
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231. What about the Code of the Line?
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232. The Code acknowledges
that the children are our future.
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233. I got a call about
the sweepstakes.
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234. I'm here to pick
up my portable TV.
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235. Over here, Walter.
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236. What the... What...
What's going on?
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237. The sweepstakes
was a lie, Walter.
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238. But I did get you
each a television.
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239. I had to test drive
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240. four minivans just to get them,
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241. but it'll be worth it
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242. if I can sit the
four of you down
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243. and get you to
stop this insanity.
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244. They started it!
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245. Mr. Strickland,
forgive me, but shut up.
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246. You're acting like
a baby. You all are.
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247. You're grown businessmen.
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248. We're only hurting ourselves
with this senseless price war.
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249. Why not pool our experience
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250. to serve our customers better?
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251. And stop insulting them
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252. by charging less than
our product is really worth.
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253. It would be nice
to charge enough
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254. to at least break even.
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255. Yeah, sure. But then one of
you bastards will undercut me!
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256. That's why we have to
stop all this backstabbing.
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257. Now, if you had quit wasting
your energy on this price war
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258. and pulled together
for a change,
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259. imagine what you
could accomplish.
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260. Buck, I think your boy
might be on to something.
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261. Yeah.
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262. When you think about it,
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263. I guess we all want
the same thing.
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264. Thanks, Ol' Top.
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265. We really owe you.
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266. Now, why don't you run out and
order us some pie and ice cream
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267. and such so we can celebrate.
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268. Can do, sir!
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269. So, we all agreed?
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270. We all jack up our prices,
and we keep them there.
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271. No backstabbing. No competing.
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272. Just like Hank said.
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273. Of course, y'all know
this is highly illegal.
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274. We'd better drink on it.
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275. Why can't we be friends?
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276. Why can't we be friends?
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277. Why can't we be friends?
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278. Why can't we be friends?
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279. I seen you around
for a long, long time
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280. I really remembered you
when you drink my wine
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281. Why can't we be friends?
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282. Why can't we be friends?
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283. Why can't we be friends?
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284. Sure feels good to
be back at my old desk
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285. with all these new pens.
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286. Yep. Things have
really turned around
Copy !req
287. since Buck and
the others decided
Copy !req
288. to start acting
more responsibly.
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289. Hi. Yeah. I went to
Pine Creek Propane
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290. to sign up for
home delivery, but
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291. they told me to come over here.
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292. Walter sent you here?
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293. It's all right, Joe Jack.
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294. We're divvying up our
accounts by zip code now.
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295. Less time on the road,
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296. and more time
serving the customer.
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297. Hank, we're off to
shoot us some whitetails
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298. and whatever else moves.
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299. Why don't you
just lock up the fort,
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300. get a head start on the weekend?
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301. But it's barely 4:30.
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302. And it's Thursday.
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303. Who wants to go
to the water park?
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304. God, we thank you and
your servant Buck Strickland
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305. for putting this
food on the table.
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306. Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Hill.
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307. If we could have a word,
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308. the rest of you can
go back to your prayer.
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309. Commissioner Evers?
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310. If I knew you were coming...
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311. Bobby, get him a plate!
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312. Oh, my gosh!
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313. Are you here to give Hank
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314. some kind of state
propane award?
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315. Well, this is a surprise.
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316. I am here as part of
an ongoing investigation
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317. against Strickland Propane,
Pine Creek Propane,
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318. AA-1 Propane and
Thatherton Fuels.
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319. What? What kind
of investigation?
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320. It appears your associates,
also known as The Heimlich Four,
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321. have joined in a
criminal conspiracy
Copy !req
322. to engage in price-fixing.
Copy !req
323. Price-fixing? That's crazy.
Copy !req
324. Under an arrangement
masterminded by you.
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325. Not to pile on,
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326. but the meat's
a little overdone.
Copy !req
327. All the evidence
points to collusion:
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328. prices rising sharply
and in unison;
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329. sharing of customers;
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330. excessive profits among what
used to be fierce competitors.
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331. Commissioner, I swear on
my Blue Flame of Valor award
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332. I have no idea what
you're talking about.
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333. Don't play dumb.
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334. We know you're the brains behind
Copy !req
335. this whole illegal cartel.
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336. This month's TPGA newsletter:
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337. "'I am happy to have
brought these dealers together
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338. in a new spirit of
cooperation, ' said Hill."
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339. I ought to pull your Hazmat
certification right now.
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340. You have to believe me,
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341. I never meant to
start an illegal cartel.
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342. I love propane, I'd never
do anything to hurt it.
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343. Well, I guess there is
something you could do
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344. to convince me.
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345. I want you to wear this wire.
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346. Get The Heimlich Four
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347. incriminating
themselves on tape.
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348. Do that, and you walk.
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349. What am I going to do?
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350. I can't wear a wire.
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351. You have to, Hank.
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352. If you don't, they
will send you to jail.
Copy !req
353. The only decision
you have to make
Copy !req
354. is whether to shave
your chest or your back.
Copy !req
355. You don't understand,
this is all my fault.
Copy !req
356. I tempted Buck and the others
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357. with no competition
and huge profits.
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358. It was like waving
a whiskey bottle
Copy !req
359. in front of an alcoholic.
Copy !req
360. Fine.
Copy !req
361. It's your decision to make.
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362. But if you do end
up going to jail,
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363. please do not tell them
it was over propane
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364. or they will eat you up.
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365. I give you permission
to say you murdered me.
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366. Hopefully it won't come to that.
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367. Wait a minute.
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368. Testing, testing, one, two...
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369. Testing, one, two...
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370. Hey, maybe we
could take the wives
Copy !req
371. to Switzerland for New Year's.
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372. You know, do a little
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373. skiing, visit our money...
Copy !req
374. Uh, good morning,
Mr. Strickland.
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375. Sirs.
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376. Uh, can I interest
you in some coffee?
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377. Donuts? Anything?
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378. What, you got the palsy,
or is the AC on the fritz?
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379. If it's the latter,
bring us a fan.
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380. We'll be in my office
Copy !req
381. discussing matters
of consequence.
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382. B-but...
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383. Sounds like the palsy. No fan.
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384. But bring in some coffee.
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385. Try not to spill it.
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386. It's the Tuttles!
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387. Let me guess, you want to beat
your appearance fee out of me.
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388. No, it wasn't right the way
we came here unprepared
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389. and started a riot.
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390. You understand how
kids sometimes don't listen
Copy !req
391. when you try to tell them
what needs to be done.
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392. Hey, I'm not the one
who sang a song called
Copy !req
393. "Twenty Grand"
on our lunch break.
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394. The point is, we want
to put on a decent show.
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395. We brought some bikes.
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396. I rode one. Watch.
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397. Well, it's too late for a show.
Copy !req
398. I told you so.
Copy !req
399. Look, I'm really starting
to get aggravated.
Copy !req
400. I don't want to have
this conversation again.
Copy !req
401. I told you once...
Copy !req
402. There is something
you can do for me!
Copy !req
403. Which is why I think
Copy !req
404. we should form our
own ethics committee.
Copy !req
405. One with even higher standards
Copy !req
406. than the commission
that oversees us.
Copy !req
407. Yes, I agree.
Copy !req
408. As do I. Even more so.
Copy !req
409. I, Jerry Sandoval, have
been saying that for years.
Copy !req
410. Here comes the gorilla.
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411. Oh, no, looks like he's
got a propangatang, too.
Copy !req
412. Thanks for keeping
me out of jail, Hank.
Copy !req
413. I burned some
bridges with the Aryans
Copy !req
414. last time through.
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415. Thatherton Fuel's
Copy !req
416. giving an extra ten
percent off on refills.
Copy !req
417. Can you match that?
Copy !req
418. Uh, no, ma'am, we won't.
Copy !req
419. But what we will do is
calibrate your OPD valve
Copy !req
420. and carry your tank to your car.
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421. That sounds okay.
Copy !req
422. It sure does.
Copy !req
423. Are the tickets
finally going on sale?
Copy !req
424. I hope so
Copy !req
425. because I think I might
have bread poisoning.
Copy !req
426. The Station appreciates
your sacrifice.
Copy !req
427. May I help you?
Copy !req
428. I'd like three tickets
for Brownsville Station,
Copy !req
429. directly in front of
the speaker tower
Copy !req
430. to the left of the stage.
Copy !req
431. You know those seats
are obstructed view?
Copy !req
432. Not when Mike Lutz climbs up
there and plays his guitar solo.
Copy !req
433. For those ten minutes, they're
the best seats in the house!
Copy !req
434. What are you waiting for now?
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435. The concert's not for
another two weeks.
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436. I want to make sure I
get a T-shirt in my size.
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437. They always run
out of ladies' medium.
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438. Line starts behind me.
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439. PAUL TUTTLE, SR.:
Stupid, stupid idiot!
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