1. and with
the promotional discount,
Copy !req
2. combined with
your Auto Club discount,
your refill...
Copy !req
3. Ah, it says outside that you
also honor competitor's coupons.
Copy !req
4. That is true.
Copy !req
5. So, including that,
your total is...
Copy !req
6. Uh, looks like we owe you
three dollars.
Copy !req
7. Sir, this price war
is bleeding us dry.
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8. We can't keep selling propane
at a loss.
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9. Yeah, well, I ain't
never lost a price war,
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10. and I don't intend
to start now.
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11. Passions always run so high
around Propane Expo.
Copy !req
12. Uh, Joe Jack, give me a hand
outside with the sign.
Copy !req
13. Sure, honey.
What's up?
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14. You're fired!
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15. There. Now I just saved us
400 bucks a week.
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16. Wait!
I need this job!
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17. Sorry, no room
in the lifeboat!
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18. Well, I guess that's how shoes
get stuck in trees.
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19. And purses.
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20. Hey, baby doll!
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21. The radio just said
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22. Brownsville Station are doing
a reunion tour—
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23. "Still Smokin'
In The Boys' Room!"
Copy !req
24. Brownsville Station
is your favorite band ever!
Copy !req
25. They inspired him
to play guitar.
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26. And to smoke.
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27. Let's go to the Agora Theater
and get us some tickets.
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28. Can I come?
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29. I don't have shoes.
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30. The Station's not about shoes.
Copy !req
31. They're about rock.
Come on!
Copy !req
32. Thatherton's doing it again,
Hank.
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33. He's up to 3-for-1.
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34. Now, when Mr. Strickland
comes back,
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35. he's gonna want the "4."
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36. It's our job to say
we can't find it.
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37. You know who
was a really good liar?
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38. Joe Jack.
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39. He'll be okay.
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40. I got him a job at the Propane
Expo this weekend.
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41. You know, to tide him over.
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42. Oh, that's great.
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43. What's he doing?
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44. Uh, he's wearing
a sandwich board.
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45. He's gonna be
the restroom arrow guy.
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46. We can't go on
like this, Hank!
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47. The more we sell,
the more we lose!
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48. The more we lose,
the more we sell!
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49. I'm-I'm-I'm having
a panic attack!
Copy !req
50. Enrique, get a grip.
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51. Get your heads out of the oven,
folks!
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52. I hired those fellas
from the American Chopper show
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53. to make an appearance
at the Expo.
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54. I love those guys...
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55. the way they fight
and build motorcycles!
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56. Yeah, yeah, well,
right now they in Dallas
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57. building a bike for some
billionaire computer geek,
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58. but I convinced them
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59. to make a little detour
to Arlen.
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60. You take that,
you son of a bitch!
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61. I got myself
some basic cable TV stars!
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62. Huh, I would've thought
big-name guests like that
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63. would charge
an awfully steep
appearance fee.
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64. Well, that depends
on where $20,000 sits
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65. on your steepness radar.
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66. $20,000? Sir, I'm not sure
this is the best use
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67. of our limited
financial resources.
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68. Well, I am!
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69. From now on,
whenever people watch
American Chopper,
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70. they'll think
Strickland Propane.
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71. Like whenever
I see a blimp,
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72. I think of that company,
you know...
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73. What is it, again?
Copy !req
74. Anyway, it's called "branding."
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75. Ah, you hear
that, Thatherton?
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76. You hear that AA-1?
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77. I'm gonna brand
all your asses!
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78. What are you doing
sitting on your butt?
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79. We gotta get that bike
on the floor
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80. of the Javits Center
by Friday.
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81. I'm reading a magazine.
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82. You stupid, stupid idiot!
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83. I'm not sure
these are the guys
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84. to be representing
Strickland Propane.
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85. They seem to fight an awful lot.
Copy !req
86. Yes, but they are celebrities,
Hank, and studies show
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87. that people would rather watch
celebrities fight
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88. than regular people make love.
Copy !req
89. Huh. Well, people at work
sure seemed excited
about 'em.
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90. Maybe it'll be okay.
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91. Hey, Pop, how do I look
on this bike?
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92. PAUL SR.:
Now you got something to do,
Paulie— clean that up.
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93. So, Lucky, when do tickets
go on sale?
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94. One hour and six days.
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95. That's a long time
to stand in line
without shoes.
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96. Let's go home
and order tickets
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97. when they're for sale
on the Internet.
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98. You want to get the best seats,
don't you?
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99. Well, how can you tell if
you're first in line
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100. on the Internet? You can't.
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101. If I'm here, I can see it.
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102. Line starts behind me.
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103. ANNOUNCER ON P.A.
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104. I can't believe
the American Chopper guys
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105. are here in Arlen!
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106. Which Teutul is your favorite?
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107. Mine's Paul Sr.
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108. He looks like a walrus
but yells like a man.
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109. I tell you what, man,
that dang ol' Paulie Jr.'s
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110. like the dang
ol' show, man.
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111. That Spiderman
bike, man?
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112. Talkin' ‘bout dang
ol' epic, man.
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113. You know, some believe
there was a fourth Teutul,
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114. but he fell
into a vat of chrome
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115. and was turned
into a bitchin' sissy bar.
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116. Well, I guess Buck was right.
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117. Look at all these people.
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118. So, Hank,
are they bringing
a motorcycle
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119. made with propane tanks,
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120. one that runs on propane,
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121. or one that just
looks like propane?
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122. I don't know.
Buck handled all
the negotiations.
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123. Oh, my God.
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124. It's the state regulatory
commissioner.
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125. Uh, having a good time,
Commissioner Evers?
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126. I'm not here to have
a good time, Hill.
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127. Well, I am.
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128. Damn it, Dale,
you don't mouth off
to a commissioner.
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129. They give licenses
and they can take them away.
Copy !req
130. So, Walter,
what do you think
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131. your customers
are gonna like better,
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132. my boys from American Chopper
Copy !req
133. or your free refrigerator
magnet, huh?
Copy !req
134. Hey, Jerry Sandoval,
have some ChapStick—
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135. you're about
to kiss my ass!
Copy !req
136. Afternoon, everyone.
Copy !req
137. I'm Buck Strickland
from Strickland Propane
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138. and I think I know
what you all are here for!
Copy !req
139. American Chopper rules!
Copy !req
140. Now let's have a big Strickland
Propane welcome
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141. for the guys from
American Chopper
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142. the two Pauls and Mikey—
presented by Strickland Propane!
Copy !req
143. We love you, Mikey!
Copy !req
144. Let's hear it for Paulie
and Mikey.
Copy !req
145. And Pop.
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146. Boy, if the crowd
is this fired up,
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147. just wait till
they bring out the bike.
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148. Way to go, Mikey! Big time!
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149. That's what
I'm talkin' about!
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150. Yes!
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151. Bring out the bike!
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152. Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike!
Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike!
Copy !req
153. Hey, Strickland, is this all
they're gonna do?
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154. Yeah, they don't even
have a bike!
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155. I've got magnets!
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156. I'm going over
to Thatherton Fuels
Copy !req
157. to get a free pamphlet
from Miss December 1978!
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158. Uh, sir, what exactly
are they going to do
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159. for the next half hour?
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160. I don't really know.
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161. I'm not a fine print
kind of guy.
Copy !req
162. Hey, any of you fellas
bring a chopper?
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163. A... a helmet?
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164. Something?
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165. I wanted to bring
the "NASCAR" bike,
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166. but these chuckleheads
didn't finish it.
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167. Maybe I coulda finished it
Copy !req
168. if you would've stopped asking
every five minutes
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169. when I was gonna finish it.
Copy !req
170. Okay, numb nuts,
I'm startin' to get
aggravated here.
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171. Hey, let go
of the hat!
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172. It bounced off my face!
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173. Hey, fruitcake,
that's my boy's hat!
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174. Don't make me come down there
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175. and use this size 12
on your face!
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176. Uh, would you join me
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177. in the singing
of our national anthem?
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178. Rock and roll!
Copy !req
179. Yikes! This
is one ugly story
Copy !req
180. about Strickland Propane.
Copy !req
181. But it does have
your name in it,
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182. so it's going right
in the scrapbook.
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183. We're making
those animals
at Natural Gas
Copy !req
184. look like choirboys.
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185. Okay, now,
let's all calm down.
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186. You're grown men.
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187. Arlen Hospital can't handle
two bypasses at once.
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188. Buck, it's the Teutuls.
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189. They want their appearance fee.
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190. Yeah. Come on, Buck.
We got work to do.
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191. You got lucky
this time, Thatherton.
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192. Uh... you're breathing
pretty heavy, sir.
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193. I'll handle this.
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194. Could you keep
it short, Hank?
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195. I got a job interview
on the other line.
Copy !req
196. This is Hank Hill,
Assistant Manager,
Copy !req
197. and we are not
going to pay you
for inciting a riot.
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198. PAULIE, SR.:
You stupid, stupid idiot!
Copy !req
199. Oh, God.
Copy !req
200. No time to pray.
Copy !req
201. We got to turn things
up a notch.
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202. I'm going to put
on some cologne
Copy !req
203. and renew my
acquaintance
Copy !req
204. with Jerry
Sandoval's wife.
Copy !req
205. That will show him
we mean business.
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206. Being bored all day
makes me hungry.
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207. Not to worry.
I came prepared.
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208. Let me dip
into our provisions.
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209. Could I have
a sandwich
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210. with something on
it besides bread?
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211. Soon, Bobby.
Copy !req
212. Once people start lining up,
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213. we'll be able to trade for
anything your heart desires:
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214. lunch meat, pickles,
Brownsville Station bootlegs.
Copy !req
215. Oh, good!
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216. Here's Elvin with
our comfort station.
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217. I can't go
in a Porta-Potty.
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218. I'm going to find
a ladies' room.
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219. Whoa! You
can't leave, baby.
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220. No saves-ies.
It's the Code of the Line.
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221. But I can't hold it
for five days!
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222. I have to get going.
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223. I got homework to do.
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224. Nuh-uh. You can't
go if I can't go.
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225. Hold on, Bobby.
Copy !req
226. Are you still in school?
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227. Seventh grade.
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228. Then run along, professor.
Copy !req
229. What about
the Code of the Line?
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230. The Code acknowledges that
the children are our future.
Copy !req
231. I got a call
about the sweepstakes.
Copy !req
232. I'm here to pick up
my portable TV.
Copy !req
233. Over here, Walter.
Copy !req
234. What the... What...
What's going on?
Copy !req
235. The sweepstakes was a lie,
Walter.
Copy !req
236. But I did get you
each a television.
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237. I had to test drive
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238. four minivans just to get them,
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239. but it'll be worth it
Copy !req
240. if I can sit the four
of you down
Copy !req
241. and get you
to stop this insanity.
Copy !req
242. They started it!
Copy !req
243. Mr. Strickland, forgive me,
but shut up.
Copy !req
244. You're acting like
a baby. You all are.
Copy !req
245. You're grown businessmen.
Copy !req
246. We're only hurting ourselves
with this senseless price war.
Copy !req
247. Why not pool
our experience
Copy !req
248. to serve our
customers better?
Copy !req
249. And stop insulting them
Copy !req
250. by charging less than
our product is really worth.
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251. It would be nice
to charge enough
Copy !req
252. to at least break even.
Copy !req
253. Yeah, sure. But then one of you
bastards will undercut me!
Copy !req
254. That's why we have to stop
all this backstabbing.
Copy !req
255. Now, if you had quit wasting
your energy on this price war
Copy !req
256. and pulled together
for a change,
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257. imagine what
you could accomplish.
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258. Buck, I think your boy
might be on to something.
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259. Yeah.
Copy !req
260. When you think
about it,
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261. I guess we all
want the same thing.
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262. Thanks, Ol' Top.
Copy !req
263. We really
owe you.
Copy !req
264. Now, why don't you run out and
order us some pie and ice cream
Copy !req
265. and such so we can celebrate.
Copy !req
266. Can do, sir!
Copy !req
267. So, we all agreed?
Copy !req
268. We all jack up
our prices,
Copy !req
269. and we
keep them there.
Copy !req
270. No backstabbing.
No competing.
Copy !req
271. Just like Hank said.
Copy !req
272. Of course, y'all know
this is highly illegal.
Copy !req
273. We'd better drink on it.
Copy !req
274. Sure feels good
to be back at my old desk
Copy !req
275. with all these new pens.
Copy !req
276. Yep. Things have
really turned around
Copy !req
277. since Buck
and the others decided
Copy !req
278. to start acting
more responsibly.
Copy !req
279. Hi. Yeah. I went
to Pine Creek Propane
Copy !req
280. to sign up for
home delivery, but
Copy !req
281. they told me
to come over here.
Copy !req
282. Walter sent
you here?
Copy !req
283. It's all right, Joe Jack.
Copy !req
284. We're divvying up
our accounts by zip code now.
Copy !req
285. Less time on the road,
Copy !req
286. and more time
serving the customer.
Copy !req
287. Hank, we're off
to shoot us some whitetails
Copy !req
288. and whatever else moves.
Copy !req
289. Why don't you just
lock up the fort,
Copy !req
290. get a head start on the weekend?
Copy !req
291. But it's barely 4:30.
Copy !req
292. And it's Thursday.
Copy !req
293. Who wants to go
to the water park?
Copy !req
294. God, we thank you
and your servant Buck Strickland
Copy !req
295. for putting this food
on the table.
Copy !req
296. Sorry to interrupt,
Mr. Hill.
Copy !req
297. If we could have a word,
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298. the rest of you can go back
to your prayer.
Copy !req
299. Commissioner Evers?
Copy !req
300. If I knew you were coming...
Copy !req
301. Bobby, get him a plate!
Copy !req
302. Oh, my gosh!
Copy !req
303. Are you here
to give Hank
Copy !req
304. some kind of state
propane award?
Copy !req
305. Well, this
is a surprise.
Copy !req
306. I am here as part
of an ongoing investigation
Copy !req
307. against Strickland Propane,
Pine Creek Propane,
Copy !req
308. AA-1 Propane
and Thatherton Fuels.
Copy !req
309. What?
What kind of investigation?
Copy !req
310. It appears your associates,
also known as The Heimlich Four,
Copy !req
311. have joined
in a criminal conspiracy
Copy !req
312. to engage in price-fixing.
Copy !req
313. Price-fixing? That's crazy.
Copy !req
314. Under an arrangement
Copy !req
315. masterminded by you.
Copy !req
316. Not to pile on,
Copy !req
317. but the meat's
a little overdone.
Copy !req
318. All the evidence
points to collusion:
Copy !req
319. prices rising sharply
and in unison;
Copy !req
320. sharing of customers;
Copy !req
321. excessive profits among what
used to be fierce competitors.
Copy !req
322. Commissioner, I swear on
my Blue Flame of Valor award
Copy !req
323. I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Copy !req
324. Don't play dumb.
Copy !req
325. We know you're
the brains behind
Copy !req
326. this whole illegal cartel.
Copy !req
327. This month's
Copy !req
328. "‘I am happy to have brought
these dealers together
Copy !req
329. in a new spirit of
cooperation,' said Hill."
Copy !req
330. I ought to pull your Hazmat
certification right now.
Copy !req
331. You have to believe me,
Copy !req
332. I never meant to start
an illegal cartel.
Copy !req
333. I love propane, I'd never
do anything to hurt it.
Copy !req
334. Well, I guess there is
something you could do
Copy !req
335. to convince me.
Copy !req
336. I want you
to wear this wire.
Copy !req
337. Get The Heimlich Four
Copy !req
338. incriminating themselves
on tape.
Copy !req
339. Do that, and you walk.
Copy !req
340. What am I going to do?
Copy !req
341. I can't wear a wire.
Copy !req
342. You have to, Hank.
Copy !req
343. If you don't,
they will send you to jail.
Copy !req
344. The only decision
you have to make
Copy !req
345. is whether to shave
your chest or your back.
Copy !req
346. You don't understand,
this is all my fault.
Copy !req
347. I tempted Buck and the others
Copy !req
348. with no competition
and huge profits.
Copy !req
349. It was like waving
a whiskey bottle
Copy !req
350. in front of an alcoholic.
Copy !req
351. Fine.
Copy !req
352. It's your
decision to make.
Copy !req
353. But if you do end up
going to jail,
Copy !req
354. please do not tell them
it was over propane
Copy !req
355. or they will eat you up.
Copy !req
356. I give you permission
to say you murdered me.
Copy !req
357. Hopefully it won't come to that.
Copy !req
358. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
359. Testing, testing, one, two...
Copy !req
360. Testing, one, two...
Copy !req
361. Hey, maybe we could
take the wives
Copy !req
362. to Switzerland
for New Year's.
Copy !req
363. You know, do a little
Copy !req
364. skiing, visit our money...
Copy !req
365. Uh, good morning,
Mr. Strickland.
Copy !req
366. Sirs.
Copy !req
367. Uh, can I interest you
in some coffee?
Copy !req
368. Donuts? Anything?
Copy !req
369. What, you got the palsy,
or is the AC on the fritz?
Copy !req
370. If it's the latter,
bring us a fan.
Copy !req
371. We'll be in my office
Copy !req
372. discussing matters
of consequence.
Copy !req
373. B-but...
Copy !req
374. Sounds like the palsy.
No fan.
Copy !req
375. But bring in some coffee.
Copy !req
376. Try not to spill it.
Copy !req
377. It's the Teutuls!
Copy !req
378. Let me guess, you want to beat
your appearance fee out of me.
Copy !req
379. No, it wasn't right the way
we came here unprepared
Copy !req
380. and started a riot.
Copy !req
381. You understand how kids
sometimes don't listen
Copy !req
382. when you try to tell them
what needs to be done.
Copy !req
383. Hey, I'm not the one
who sang a song called
Copy !req
384. "Twenty Grand"
on our lunch break.
Copy !req
385. The point is, we want
to put on a decent show.
Copy !req
386. We brought some bikes.
Copy !req
387. I rode one.
Watch.
Copy !req
388. Well, it's too late
for a show.
Copy !req
389. I told you so.
Copy !req
390. Look, I'm really starting
to get aggravated.
Copy !req
391. I don't want to have
this conversation again.
Copy !req
392. I told you once...
Copy !req
393. There is something
you can do for me!
Copy !req
394. which is why I think
Copy !req
395. we should form
our own ethics committee.
Copy !req
396. One with even higher standards
Copy !req
397. than the commission
that oversees us.
Copy !req
398. Yes, I agree.
Copy !req
399. As do I.
Even more so.
Copy !req
400. I, Jerry Sandoval,
have been saying that
Copy !req
401. for years.
Copy !req
402. Here comes the gorilla.
Copy !req
403. Oh, no, looks like he's got
a propangatang, too.
Copy !req
404. Thanks for keeping me
out of jail, Hank.
Copy !req
405. I burned some bridges
with the Aryans
Copy !req
406. last time through.
Copy !req
407. Thatherton Fuel's
Copy !req
408. giving an extra ten
percent off on refills.
Copy !req
409. Can you match that?
Copy !req
410. Uh, no, ma'am, we won't.
Copy !req
411. But what we will do is
calibrate your OPD valve
Copy !req
412. and carry your tank to your car.
Copy !req
413. That sounds okay.
Copy !req
414. It sure does.
Copy !req
415. Are the tickets finally
going on sale?
Copy !req
416. I hope so
Copy !req
417. because I think I might
have bread poisoning.
Copy !req
418. The Station appreciates
your sacrifice.
Copy !req
419. May I help you?
Copy !req
420. I'd like three tickets
for Brownsville Station,
Copy !req
421. directly in front
of the speaker tower
Copy !req
422. to the left of the stage.
Copy !req
423. You know those seats
are obstructed view?
Copy !req
424. Not when Mike Lutz climbs up
there and plays his guitar solo.
Copy !req
425. For those ten minutes, they're
the best seats in the house!
Copy !req
426. What are you
waiting for now?
Copy !req
427. The concert's not for
another two weeks.
Copy !req
428. I want to make sure I get
a T-shirt in my size.
Copy !req
429. They always run out
of ladies' medium.
Copy !req
430. Line starts behind me.
Copy !req
431. You stupid, stupid idiot!
Copy !req