1. And with the promotional discount,
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2. combined with your Auto Club discount,
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3. - your refill…
- Uh…
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4. It says outside that you also honor
competitor's coupons.
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5. That is true.
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6. So, including that, your total is…
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7. Uh, looks like we owe you three dollars.
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8. Sir, this price war is bleeding us dry.
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9. We can't keep selling propane at a loss.
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10. Yeah, well, I ain't never lost
a price war,
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11. and I don't intend to start now.
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12. Passions always run so high
around Propane Expo.
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13. Uh, Joe Jack, give me a hand
outside with the sign.
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14. - Sure, honey. What's up?
- You're fired.
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15. There. Now I just saved us
400 bucks a week.
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16. Wait. I need this job.
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17. Sorry, no room in the lifeboat.
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18. Well, I guess that's how shoes
get stuck in trees.
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19. And purses.
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20. Hey, baby doll.
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21. The radio just said Brownsville Station
are doing a reunion tour
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22. "Still Smokin' In The Boys' Room."
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23. Brownsville Station
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24. is your favorite band ever.
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25. They inspired him to play guitar.
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26. And to smoke.
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27. Let's go to the Agora Theater
and get us some tickets.
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28. Can I come? I don't have shoes.
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29. The Station's not about shoes.
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30. They're about rock. Come on.
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31. Thatherton's doing it again, Hank.
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32. He's up to 3-for-1.
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33. Now, when Mr. Strickland comes back,
he's gonna want the 4.
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34. It's our job to say we can't find it.
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35. You know who was a really good liar?
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36. Joe Jack.
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37. He'll be okay.
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38. I got him a job at the Propane Expo
this weekend.
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39. You know, to tide him over.
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40. Oh, that's great. What's he doing?
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41. Uh, he's wearing a sandwich board.
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42. He's gonna be the restroom arrow guy.
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43. We can't go on like this, Hank.
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44. The more we sell, the more we lose.
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45. The more we lose, the more we sell.
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46. I'm having a panic attack.
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47. Enrique, get a grip.
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48. Get your heads out of the oven, folks.
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49. I hired those fellas
from the American Chopper show
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50. to make an appearance at the Expo.
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51. I love those guys.
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52. Uh, the way they fight
and build motorcycles.
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53. Yeah, yeah, well, right now,
they in Dallas
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54. building a bike for some
billionaire computer geek,
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55. but I convinced them
to make a little detour to Arlen.
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56. You take that, you son of a bitch.
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57. I got myself some basic cable TV stars.
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58. Huh, I would've thought
big-name guests like that
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59. would charge an awfully steep
appearance fee.
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60. Well, that depends on where $20,000 sits
on your steepness radar.
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61. Twenty thousand?
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62. Sir, I'm not sure this is the best use
of our limited financial resources.
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63. Well, I am.
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64. From now on, whenever people
watch American Chopper,
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65. they'll think Strickland Propane.
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66. Like whenever I see a blimp,
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67. I think of that company, you know…
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68. What is it, again?
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69. Anyway, it's called "branding."
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70. Ah, you hear that, Thatherton?
You hear that AA-1?
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71. I'm gonna brand all your asses.
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72. What are you doing sitting on your butt?
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73. We gotta get that bike on the floor
of the Javits Center by Friday.
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74. I'm reading a magazine.
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75. You stupid, stupid idiot.
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76. I'm not sure these are the guys
to be representing Strickland Propane.
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77. They seem to fight an awful lot.
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78. Yes, but they are celebrities, Hank,
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79. and studies show that people
would rather watch celebrities fight
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80. than regular people make love.
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81. Well, people at work
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82. sure seemed excited about 'em.
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83. Maybe it'll be okay.
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84. Hey, Pop,
how do I look on this bike?
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85. Now you got something to do,
Paulie, clean that up.
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86. So, Lucky, when do tickets go on sale?
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87. One hour and six days.
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88. That's a long time
to stand in line without shoes.
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89. Let's go home and order tickets
when they're for sale on the Internet.
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90. You want to get the best seats, don't you?
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91. Well, how can you tell if you're first
in line on the Internet? You can't.
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92. If I'm here, I can see it.
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93. Line starts behind me.
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94. Attention.
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95. The grilling demonstration
will start at 3:00.
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96. Thank you.
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97. I can't believe the American Chopper guys
are here in Arlen.
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98. Which Teutul is your favorite?
Mine's Paul Sr.
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99. He looks like a walrus
but yells like a man.
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100. I tell you what, man,
that dang ol' Paulie Jr.'s
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101. like the dang ol' show, man.
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102. That Spiderman bike, man?
Talkin' 'bout dang ol' epic, man.
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103. You know, some believe
there was a fourth Teutul,
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104. but he fell into a vat of chrome
and was turned into a bitchin' sissy bar.
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105. Well, I guess Buck was right.
Look at all these people.
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106. So, Hank, are they bringing a motorcycle
made with propane tanks,
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107. one that runs on propane,
or one that just looks like propane?
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108. I don't know.
Buck handled all the negotiations.
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109. Oh, my God.
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110. It's the state regulatory commissioner.
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111. Uh, having a good time,
Commissioner Evers?
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112. I'm not here to have a good time, Hill.
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113. Well, I am.
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114. Damn it, Dale,
you don't mouth off to a commissioner.
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115. They give licenses
and they can take them away.
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116. So, Walter, what do you think
your customers are gonna like better,
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117. my boys from American Chopper
or your free refrigerator magnet, huh?
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118. Hey, Jerry Sandoval, have some ChapStick,
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119. you're about to kiss my ass.
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120. Afternoon, everyone.
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121. I'm Buck Strickland
from Strickland Propane
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122. and I think I know
what you all are here for.
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123. Yay!
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124. American Chopper rules.
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125. Now let's have a big
Strickland Propane welcome
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126. for the guys from American Chopper
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127. the two Pauls and Mikey,
presented by Strickland Propane.
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128. We love you, Mikey.
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129. Let's hear it for Paulie and Mikey.
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130. And Pop.
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131. Boy, if the crowd is this fired up,
just wait till they bring out the bike.
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132. Way to go, Mikey. Big time.
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133. - That's what I'm talkin' about.
- Yes.
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134. Bring out the bike!
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135. Bike. Bike. Bike. Bike.
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136. Bike. Bike. Bike. Bike. Bike.
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137. Hey, Strickland,
is this all they're gonna do?
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138. Yeah, they don't even have a bike.
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139. I've got magnets.
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140. I'm going over to Thatherton Fuels
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141. to get a free pamphlet
from Miss December 1978.
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142. This is bogus!
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143. Uh, sir, what exactly are they gonna do
for the next half hour?
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144. I don't really know.
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145. I'm not a fine print kind of guy.
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146. Hey, any of you fellas bring a chopper?
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147. A… a helmet?
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148. Something?
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149. I wanted to bring the NASCAR bike,
but these chuckleheads didn't finish it.
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150. Maybe I coulda finished it
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151. if you would've stopped asking
every five minutes
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152. when I was gonna finish it.
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153. Okay, numb nuts,
I'm startin' to get aggravated here.
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154. Ooh!
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155. Hey, let go of the hat.
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156. It bounced off my face.
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157. Hey, fruitcake, that's my boy's hat.
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158. Don't make me come down there
and use this size 12 on your face.
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159. Uh, would you join me
in the singing of our national anthem?
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160. Rock and roll!
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161. Yikes. This is one ugly story
about Strickland Propane.
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162. But it does have your name in it,
so it's going right in the scrapbook.
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163. We're making those animals at Natural Gas
look like choirboys.
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164. Okay, now, let's all calm down.
You're grown men.
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165. Arlen Hospital can't handle
two bypasses at once.
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166. Buck, it's the Teutuls.
They want their appearance fee.
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167. Yeah. Come on, Buck. We got work to do.
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168. You got lucky this time, Thatherton.
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169. Uh… you're breathing pretty heavy, sir.
I'll handle this.
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170. Could you keep it short, Hank?
I got a job interview on the other line.
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171. This is Hank Hill, Assistant Manager,
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172. and we are not gonna pay you
for inciting a riot.
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173. You stupid, stupid idiot.
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174. Oh, God.
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175. No time to pray.
We got to turn things up a notch.
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176. I'm gonna put on some cologne
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177. and renew my acquaintance
with Jerry Sandoval's wife.
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178. That will show him we mean business.
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179. Being bored all day makes me hungry.
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180. Not to worry. I came prepared.
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181. Let me dip into our provisions.
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182. Could I have a sandwich
with something on it besides bread?
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183. Soon, Bobby.
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184. Once people start lining up,
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185. we'll be able to trade
for anything your heart desires.
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186. Lunch meat, pickles,
Brownsville Station bootlegs.
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187. Oh, good.
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188. Here's Elvin with our comfort station.
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189. I can't go in a Porta-Potty.
I'm going to find a ladies' room.
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190. Whoa. You can't leave, baby.
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191. No saves-ies. It's the Code of the Line.
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192. But I can't hold it for five days.
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193. I have to get going. I got homework to do.
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194. - Nuh-uh. You can't go if I can't go.
- Hold on, Bobby.
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195. Are you still in school?
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196. Seventh grade.
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197. Then run along, professor.
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198. What about the Code of the Line?
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199. The Code acknowledges
that the children are our future.
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200. I got a call about the sweepstakes.
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201. - I'm here to pick up my portable TV.
- Over here, Walter.
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202. What the… What… What's going on?
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203. The sweepstake was a lie, Walter.
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204. But I did get you each a television.
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205. I had to test drive four minivans
just to get them,
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206. but it'll be worth it
if I can sit the four of you down
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207. - and get you to stop this insanity.
- They started it.
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208. Mr. Strickland, forgive me, but shut up.
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209. You're acting like a baby. You all are.
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210. You're grown businessmen.
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211. We're only hurting ourselves
with this senseless price war.
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212. Why not pool our experience
to serve our customers better?
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213. And stop insulting them
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214. by charging less than our product
is really worth.
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215. It would be nice to charge enough
to at least break even.
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216. Yeah, sure. But then one of you bastards
will undercut me.
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217. That's why we have to stop
all this backstabbing.
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218. Now, if you had quit wasting
your energy on this price war
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219. and pulled together for a change,
imagine what you could accomplish.
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220. Buck, I think your boy
might be on to something.
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221. Yeah.
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222. When you think about it,
I guess we all want the same thing.
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223. Thanks, Ol' Top.
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224. We really owe you.
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225. Now, why don't you run out and order us
some pie and ice cream and such
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226. so we can celebrate.
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227. Can do, sir.
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228. So, we all agreed?
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229. We all jack up our prices,
and we keep them there.
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230. No backstabbing. No competing.
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231. Just like Hank said.
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232. Of course, y'all know
this is highly illegal.
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233. We'd better drink on it.
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234. Sure feels good to be back at my old desk
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235. with all these new pens.
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236. Yep.
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237. Things have really turned around
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238. since Buck and the others decided
to start acting more responsibly.
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239. Hi. Yeah.
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240. I went to Pine Creek Propane
to sign up for home delivery, but
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241. they, they told me to come over here.
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242. Walter sent you here?
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243. It's all right, Joe Jack.
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244. We're divvying up our accounts
by zip code now.
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245. Less time on the road,
and more time serving the customer.
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246. Hank, we're off to shoot us
some whitetails
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247. and whatever else moves.
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248. Why don't you just lock up the fort,
get a head start on the weekend?
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249. But it's barely 4:30. And it's Thursday.
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250. Who wants to go to the water park?
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251. God, we thank you
and your servant Buck Strickland
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252. for putting this food on the table.
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253. Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Hill.
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254. If we could have a word, the rest of you
can go back to your prayer.
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255. Commissioner Evers?
Uh, if I knew you were coming…
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256. Bobby, get him a plate.
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257. Oh, my gosh.
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258. Are you here to give Hank
some kind of state propane award?
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259. Well, this is a surprise.
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260. I am here as part
of an ongoing investigation
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261. against Strickland Propane,
Pine Creek Propane,
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262. AA-1 Propane and Thatherton Fuels.
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263. What? What kind of investigation?
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264. It appears your associates,
also known as The Heimlich Four,
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265. have joined in a criminal conspiracy
to engage in price-fixing.
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266. Price-fixing? That's crazy.
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267. Under an arrangement masterminded by you.
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268. Not to pile on,
but the meat's a little overdone.
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269. All the evidence points to collusion.
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270. Prices rising sharply and in unison,
sharing of customers,
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271. excessive profits among
what used to be fierce competitors.
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272. Commissioner, I swear
on my Blue Flame of Valor award
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273. I have no idea what you're talking about.
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274. Don't play dumb.
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275. We know you're the brains
behind this whole illegal cartel.
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276. This month's TPGA newsletter:
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277. "I am happy to have brought
these dealers together
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278. in a new spirit of cooperation,
said Hill."
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279. I ought to pull your Hazmat certification
right now.
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280. You have to believe me,
I never meant to start an illegal cartel.
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281. I love propane,
I'd never do anything to hurt it.
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282. Well, I guess there is something
you could do to convince me.
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283. I want you to wear this wire.
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284. Get The Heimlich Four
incriminating themselves on tape.
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285. Do that, and you walk.
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286. What am I gonna do?
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287. I can't wear a wire.
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288. You have to, Hank.
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289. If you don't, they will send you to jail.
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290. The only decision you have to make
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291. is whether to shave
your chest or your back.
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292. You don't understand,
this is all my fault.
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293. I tempted Buck and the others
with no competition and huge profits.
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294. It was like waving a whiskey bottle
in front of an alcoholic.
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295. Fine. It's your decision to make.
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296. But if you do end up going to jail,
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297. please do not tell them
it was over propane
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298. or they will eat you up.
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299. I give you permission
to say you murdered me.
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300. Hopefully it won't come to that.
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301. Wait a minute.
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302. Testing, testing, one, two…
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303. Testing, one, two…
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304. Hey, maybe we could take the wives
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305. to Switzerland for New Year's.
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306. You know,
do a little skiing, visit our money…
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307. Uh, good morning, Mr. Strickland.
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308. Sirs.
Uh, can I interest you in some coffee?
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309. Donuts? Anything?
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310. What, you got the palsy,
or is the AC on the fritz?
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311. If it's the latter, bring us a fan.
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312. We'll be in my office
discussing matters of consequence.
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313. - Uh, but…
- Sounds like the palsy.
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314. No fan. But bring in some coffee.
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315. Try not to spill it.
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316. It's the Teutuls.
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317. Let me guess, you want to beat
your appearance fee out of me.
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318. No, it wasn't right the way
we came here unprepared
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319. and started a riot.
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320. You understand how kids
sometimes don't listen
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321. when you try to tell them
what needs to be done.
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322. Hey, I'm not the one who sang a song
called "Twenty Grand" on our lunch break.
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323. The point is, we want
to put on a decent show.
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324. We brought some bikes. I rode one. Watch.
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325. Well, it's too late for a show.
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326. I told you so.
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327. Look, I'm really starting
to get aggravated.
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328. I don't want to have
this conversation again.
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329. I told you once…
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330. There is something you can do for me.
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331. Which is why I think
we should form our own ethics committee.
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332. One with even higher standards
than the commission that oversees us.
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333. - Yes, I agree.
- As do I. Even more so.
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334. I, Jerry Sandoval,
have been saying that for years.
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335. Here comes the gorilla.
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336. Oh, no, looks like
he's got a propangatang, too.
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337. Thanks for keeping me out of jail, Hank.
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338. I burned some bridges with the Aryans
last time through.
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339. Thatherton Fuel's giving
an extra ten percent off on refills.
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340. Can you match that?
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341. Uh, no, ma'am, we won't.
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342. But what we will do
is calibrate your OPD valve
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343. and carry your tank to your car.
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344. That sounds okay.
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345. It sure does.
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346. Are the tickets finally going on sale?
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347. I hope so because I think
I might have bread poisoning.
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348. The Station appreciates your sacrifice.
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349. May I help you?
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350. I'd like three tickets
for Brownsville Station,
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351. directly in front of the speaker tower
to the left of the stage.
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352. You know those seats are obstructed view?
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353. Not when Mike Lutz climbs up there
and plays his guitar solo.
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354. For those ten minutes,
they're the best seats in the house.
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355. What are you waiting for now?
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356. The concert's not for another two weeks.
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357. I want to make sure
I get a T-shirt in my size.
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358. They always run out of ladies' medium.
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359. Line starts behind me.
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360. You stupid, stupid idiot.
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