King of the Hill 10x10

Directed by

Paul Teutul, Jr. as Self (voice) • Danny Trejo as Enrique (voice) • Tom Petty as Lucky (voice) • Paul Teutul, Jr. as Paul Teutul, Jr. (voice) • Glenn Morshower as (voice)

Buck Strickland embarks on a propane price war with Thatherton and two other rivals, and hires the guys from "American Chopper" to boost sales at the Propane Expo. When the 'war' goes too far, and the companies are all losing profit, Hank takes matters into his own hands, and calls a meeting. Unfortunately, the owners decide to 'price fix' and get caught. Meanwhile, Lucky and Luanne wait for Brownville Station tickets, in line 6 days before tickets go on sale.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. and with the promotional discount,

2. combined with your Auto Club discount, your refill...

3. Ah, it says outside that you also honor competitor's coupons.

4. That is true.

5. So, including that, your total is...

6. Uh, looks like we owe you three dollars.

7. Sir, this price war is bleeding us dry.

8. We can't keep selling propane at a loss.

9. Yeah, well, I ain't never lost a price war,

10. and I don't intend to start now.

11. Passions always run so high around Propane Expo.

12. Uh, Joe Jack, give me a hand outside with the sign.

13. Sure, honey. What's up?

14. You're fired!

15. There. Now I just saved us 400 bucks a week.

16. Wait! I need this job!

17. Sorry, no room in the lifeboat!

18. Well, I guess that's how shoes get stuck in trees.

19. And purses.

20. Hey, baby doll!

21. The radio just said

22. Brownsville Station are doing a reunion tour—

23. "Still Smokin' In The Boys' Room!"

24. Brownsville Station is your favorite band ever!

25. They inspired him to play guitar.

26. And to smoke.

27. Let's go to the Agora Theater and get us some tickets.

28. Can I come?

29. I don't have shoes.

30. The Station's not about shoes.

31. They're about rock. Come on!

32. Thatherton's doing it again, Hank.

33. He's up to 3-for-1.

34. Now, when Mr. Strickland comes back,

35. he's gonna want the "4."

36. It's our job to say we can't find it.

37. You know who was a really good liar?

38. Joe Jack.

39. He'll be okay.

40. I got him a job at the Propane Expo this weekend.

41. You know, to tide him over.

42. Oh, that's great.

43. What's he doing?

44. Uh, he's wearing a sandwich board.

45. He's gonna be the restroom arrow guy.

46. We can't go on like this, Hank!

47. The more we sell, the more we lose!

48. The more we lose, the more we sell!

49. I'm-I'm-I'm having a panic attack!

50. Enrique, get a grip.

51. Get your heads out of the oven, folks!

52. I hired those fellas from the American Chopper show

53. to make an appearance at the Expo.

54. I love those guys...

55. the way they fight and build motorcycles!

56. Yeah, yeah, well, right now they in Dallas

57. building a bike for some billionaire computer geek,

58. but I convinced them

59. to make a little detour to Arlen.

60. You take that, you son of a bitch!

61. I got myself some basic cable TV stars!

62. Huh, I would've thought big-name guests like that

63. would charge an awfully steep appearance fee.

64. Well, that depends on where $20,000 sits

65. on your steepness radar.

66. $20,000? Sir, I'm not sure this is the best use

67. of our limited financial resources.

68. Well, I am!

69. From now on, whenever people watch American Chopper,

70. they'll think Strickland Propane.

71. Like whenever I see a blimp,

72. I think of that company, you know...

73. What is it, again?

74. Anyway, it's called "branding."

75. Ah, you hear that, Thatherton?

76. You hear that AA-1?

77. I'm gonna brand all your asses!

78. What are you doing sitting on your butt?

79. We gotta get that bike on the floor

80. of the Javits Center by Friday.

81. I'm reading a magazine.

82. You stupid, stupid idiot!

83. I'm not sure these are the guys

84. to be representing Strickland Propane.

85. They seem to fight an awful lot.

86. Yes, but they are celebrities, Hank, and studies show

87. that people would rather watch celebrities fight

88. than regular people make love.

89. Huh. Well, people at work sure seemed excited about 'em.

90. Maybe it'll be okay.

91. Hey, Pop, how do I look on this bike?

92. PAUL SR.: Now you got something to do, Paulie— clean that up.

93. So, Lucky, when do tickets go on sale?

94. One hour and six days.

95. That's a long time to stand in line without shoes.

96. Let's go home and order tickets

97. when they're for sale on the Internet.

98. You want to get the best seats, don't you?

99. Well, how can you tell if you're first in line

100. on the Internet? You can't.

101. If I'm here, I can see it.

102. Line starts behind me.

103. ANNOUNCER ON P.A.

104. I can't believe the American Chopper guys

105. are here in Arlen!

106. Which Teutul is your favorite?

107. Mine's Paul Sr.

108. He looks like a walrus but yells like a man.

109. I tell you what, man, that dang ol' Paulie Jr.'s

110. like the dang ol' show, man.

111. That Spiderman bike, man?

112. Talkin' ‘bout dang ol' epic, man.

113. You know, some believe there was a fourth Teutul,

114. but he fell into a vat of chrome

115. and was turned into a bitchin' sissy bar.

116. Well, I guess Buck was right.

117. Look at all these people.

118. So, Hank, are they bringing a motorcycle

119. made with propane tanks,

120. one that runs on propane,

121. or one that just looks like propane?

122. I don't know. Buck handled all the negotiations.

123. Oh, my God.

124. It's the state regulatory commissioner.

125. Uh, having a good time, Commissioner Evers?

126. I'm not here to have a good time, Hill.

127. Well, I am.

128. Damn it, Dale, you don't mouth off to a commissioner.

129. They give licenses and they can take them away.

130. So, Walter, what do you think

131. your customers are gonna like better,

132. my boys from American Chopper

133. or your free refrigerator magnet, huh?

134. Hey, Jerry Sandoval, have some ChapStick—

135. you're about to kiss my ass!

136. Afternoon, everyone.

137. I'm Buck Strickland from Strickland Propane

138. and I think I know what you all are here for!

139. American Chopper rules!

140. Now let's have a big Strickland Propane welcome

141. for the guys from American Chopper

142. the two Pauls and Mikey— presented by Strickland Propane!

143. We love you, Mikey!

144. Let's hear it for Paulie and Mikey.

145. And Pop.

146. Boy, if the crowd is this fired up,

147. just wait till they bring out the bike.

148. Way to go, Mikey! Big time!

149. That's what I'm talkin' about!

150. Yes!

151. Bring out the bike!

152. Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike! Bike!

153. Hey, Strickland, is this all they're gonna do?

154. Yeah, they don't even have a bike!

155. I've got magnets!

156. I'm going over to Thatherton Fuels

157. to get a free pamphlet from Miss December 1978!

158. Uh, sir, what exactly are they going to do

159. for the next half hour?

160. I don't really know.

161. I'm not a fine print kind of guy.

162. Hey, any of you fellas bring a chopper?

163. A... a helmet?

164. Something?

165. I wanted to bring the "NASCAR" bike,

166. but these chuckleheads didn't finish it.

167. Maybe I coulda finished it

168. if you would've stopped asking every five minutes

169. when I was gonna finish it.

170. Okay, numb nuts, I'm startin' to get aggravated here.

171. Hey, let go of the hat!

172. It bounced off my face!

173. Hey, fruitcake, that's my boy's hat!

174. Don't make me come down there

175. and use this size 12 on your face!

176. Uh, would you join me

177. in the singing of our national anthem?

178. Rock and roll!

179. Yikes! This is one ugly story

180. about Strickland Propane.

181. But it does have your name in it,

182. so it's going right in the scrapbook.

183. We're making those animals at Natural Gas

184. look like choirboys.

185. Okay, now, let's all calm down.

186. You're grown men.

187. Arlen Hospital can't handle two bypasses at once.

188. Buck, it's the Teutuls.

189. They want their appearance fee.

190. Yeah. Come on, Buck. We got work to do.

191. You got lucky this time, Thatherton.

192. Uh... you're breathing pretty heavy, sir.

193. I'll handle this.

194. Could you keep it short, Hank?

195. I got a job interview on the other line.

196. This is Hank Hill, Assistant Manager,

197. and we are not going to pay you for inciting a riot.

198. PAULIE, SR.: You stupid, stupid idiot!

199. Oh, God.

200. No time to pray.

201. We got to turn things up a notch.

202. I'm going to put on some cologne

203. and renew my acquaintance

204. with Jerry Sandoval's wife.

205. That will show him we mean business.

206. Being bored all day makes me hungry.

207. Not to worry. I came prepared.

208. Let me dip into our provisions.

209. Could I have a sandwich

210. with something on it besides bread?

211. Soon, Bobby.

212. Once people start lining up,

213. we'll be able to trade for anything your heart desires:

214. lunch meat, pickles, Brownsville Station bootlegs.

215. Oh, good!

216. Here's Elvin with our comfort station.

217. I can't go in a Porta-Potty.

218. I'm going to find a ladies' room.

219. Whoa! You can't leave, baby.

220. No saves-ies. It's the Code of the Line.

221. But I can't hold it for five days!

222. I have to get going.

223. I got homework to do.

224. Nuh-uh. You can't go if I can't go.

225. Hold on, Bobby.

226. Are you still in school?

227. Seventh grade.

228. Then run along, professor.

229. What about the Code of the Line?

230. The Code acknowledges that the children are our future.

231. I got a call about the sweepstakes.

232. I'm here to pick up my portable TV.

233. Over here, Walter.

234. What the... What... What's going on?

235. The sweepstakes was a lie, Walter.

236. But I did get you each a television.

237. I had to test drive

238. four minivans just to get them,

239. but it'll be worth it

240. if I can sit the four of you down

241. and get you to stop this insanity.

242. They started it!

243. Mr. Strickland, forgive me, but shut up.

244. You're acting like a baby. You all are.

245. You're grown businessmen.

246. We're only hurting ourselves with this senseless price war.

247. Why not pool our experience

248. to serve our customers better?

249. And stop insulting them

250. by charging less than our product is really worth.

251. It would be nice to charge enough

252. to at least break even.

253. Yeah, sure. But then one of you bastards will undercut me!

254. That's why we have to stop all this backstabbing.

255. Now, if you had quit wasting your energy on this price war

256. and pulled together for a change,

257. imagine what you could accomplish.

258. Buck, I think your boy might be on to something.

259. Yeah.

260. When you think about it,

261. I guess we all want the same thing.

262. Thanks, Ol' Top.

263. We really owe you.

264. Now, why don't you run out and order us some pie and ice cream

265. and such so we can celebrate.

266. Can do, sir!

267. So, we all agreed?

268. We all jack up our prices,

269. and we keep them there.

270. No backstabbing. No competing.

271. Just like Hank said.

272. Of course, y'all know this is highly illegal.

273. We'd better drink on it.

274. Sure feels good to be back at my old desk

275. with all these new pens.

276. Yep. Things have really turned around

277. since Buck and the others decided

278. to start acting more responsibly.

279. Hi. Yeah. I went to Pine Creek Propane

280. to sign up for home delivery, but

281. they told me to come over here.

282. Walter sent you here?

283. It's all right, Joe Jack.

284. We're divvying up our accounts by zip code now.

285. Less time on the road,

286. and more time serving the customer.

287. Hank, we're off to shoot us some whitetails

288. and whatever else moves.

289. Why don't you just lock up the fort,

290. get a head start on the weekend?

291. But it's barely 4:30.

292. And it's Thursday.

293. Who wants to go to the water park?

294. God, we thank you and your servant Buck Strickland

295. for putting this food on the table.

296. Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Hill.

297. If we could have a word,

298. the rest of you can go back to your prayer.

299. Commissioner Evers?

300. If I knew you were coming...

301. Bobby, get him a plate!

302. Oh, my gosh!

303. Are you here to give Hank

304. some kind of state propane award?

305. Well, this is a surprise.

306. I am here as part of an ongoing investigation

307. against Strickland Propane, Pine Creek Propane,

308. AA-1 Propane and Thatherton Fuels.

309. What? What kind of investigation?

310. It appears your associates, also known as The Heimlich Four,

311. have joined in a criminal conspiracy

312. to engage in price-fixing.

313. Price-fixing? That's crazy.

314. Under an arrangement

315. masterminded by you.

316. Not to pile on,

317. but the meat's a little overdone.

318. All the evidence points to collusion:

319. prices rising sharply and in unison;

320. sharing of customers;

321. excessive profits among what used to be fierce competitors.

322. Commissioner, I swear on my Blue Flame of Valor award

323. I have no idea what you're talking about.

324. Don't play dumb.

325. We know you're the brains behind

326. this whole illegal cartel.

327. This month's

328. "‘I am happy to have brought these dealers together

329. in a new spirit of cooperation,' said Hill."

330. I ought to pull your Hazmat certification right now.

331. You have to believe me,

332. I never meant to start an illegal cartel.

333. I love propane, I'd never do anything to hurt it.

334. Well, I guess there is something you could do

335. to convince me.

336. I want you to wear this wire.

337. Get The Heimlich Four

338. incriminating themselves on tape.

339. Do that, and you walk.

340. What am I going to do?

341. I can't wear a wire.

342. You have to, Hank.

343. If you don't, they will send you to jail.

344. The only decision you have to make

345. is whether to shave your chest or your back.

346. You don't understand, this is all my fault.

347. I tempted Buck and the others

348. with no competition and huge profits.

349. It was like waving a whiskey bottle

350. in front of an alcoholic.

351. Fine.

352. It's your decision to make.

353. But if you do end up going to jail,

354. please do not tell them it was over propane

355. or they will eat you up.

356. I give you permission to say you murdered me.

357. Hopefully it won't come to that.

358. Wait a minute.

359. Testing, testing, one, two...

360. Testing, one, two...

361. Hey, maybe we could take the wives

362. to Switzerland for New Year's.

363. You know, do a little

364. skiing, visit our money...

365. Uh, good morning, Mr. Strickland.

366. Sirs.

367. Uh, can I interest you in some coffee?

368. Donuts? Anything?

369. What, you got the palsy, or is the AC on the fritz?

370. If it's the latter, bring us a fan.

371. We'll be in my office

372. discussing matters of consequence.

373. B-but...

374. Sounds like the palsy. No fan.

375. But bring in some coffee.

376. Try not to spill it.

377. It's the Teutuls!

378. Let me guess, you want to beat your appearance fee out of me.

379. No, it wasn't right the way we came here unprepared

380. and started a riot.

381. You understand how kids sometimes don't listen

382. when you try to tell them what needs to be done.

383. Hey, I'm not the one who sang a song called

384. "Twenty Grand" on our lunch break.

385. The point is, we want to put on a decent show.

386. We brought some bikes.

387. I rode one. Watch.

388. Well, it's too late for a show.

389. I told you so.

390. Look, I'm really starting to get aggravated.

391. I don't want to have this conversation again.

392. I told you once...

393. There is something you can do for me!

394. which is why I think

395. we should form our own ethics committee.

396. One with even higher standards

397. than the commission that oversees us.

398. Yes, I agree.

399. As do I. Even more so.

400. I, Jerry Sandoval, have been saying that

401. for years.

402. Here comes the gorilla.

403. Oh, no, looks like he's got a propangatang, too.

404. Thanks for keeping me out of jail, Hank.

405. I burned some bridges with the Aryans

406. last time through.

407. Thatherton Fuel's

408. giving an extra ten percent off on refills.

409. Can you match that?

410. Uh, no, ma'am, we won't.

411. But what we will do is calibrate your OPD valve

412. and carry your tank to your car.

413. That sounds okay.

414. It sure does.

415. Are the tickets finally going on sale?

416. I hope so

417. because I think I might have bread poisoning.

418. The Station appreciates your sacrifice.

419. May I help you?

420. I'd like three tickets for Brownsville Station,

421. directly in front of the speaker tower

422. to the left of the stage.

423. You know those seats are obstructed view?

424. Not when Mike Lutz climbs up there and plays his guitar solo.

425. For those ten minutes, they're the best seats in the house!

426. What are you waiting for now?

427. The concert's not for another two weeks.

428. I want to make sure I get a T-shirt in my size.

429. They always run out of ladies' medium.

430. Line starts behind me.

431. You stupid, stupid idiot!