Key & Peele 5x4

Directed by

Victor Bell as Gospel Singer • Utkarsh Ambudkar as Friend #2 • Carlease Burke as Gina • Gokor Chivichyan as Barbarian • Esteban Cueto as Barbarian

A gospel group must practice without its coach, a group of warriors celebrate a beheading, a prisoner tries to trick his guard, a young man is confronted for only speaking in catchphrases.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey, I just got a text from Charles, y'all.

2. He got on the wrong bus. He's on the other side of town.

3. Other side of town? But our concert is in an hour.

4. Yeah, I know, but he wants us to warm up

5. and rehearse Praise to the Lord.

6. Charles said that?

7. - In text. - Okay, okay.

8. Well, if that's what Charles said—

9. (woman) Yeah, that's okay. We got this.

10. - We can do this. - We can do this.

11. We can do this. Come on, y'all.

12. (all) ♪ We lift up to the Lord

13. Huh. ♪ Kiss my black ass!

14. (all) ♪ Oh, dear Lord

15. - This don't make no sense. - Come on, man.

16. Well, that was a good one.

17. Gotta release the Africa.

18. Yeah, you just got to get those short bursts of song,

19. so you can run away before

20. are trying to genocide your.

21. Mm, that's why— that's when you get those—

22. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23. That's the guy that...

24. Did not make it out.

25. That's, like, Swahili for "Get me out—I'm hit!"

26. "Where'd y'all motherfuckers go?"

27. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about?

28. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

29. Ah!

30. Ahh.

31. Yeah, uh.

32. Ha ha ha!

33. Oh, no.

34. Uh...

35. Oh.

36. Uh...

37. Oh... ah!

38. Wha—ah, ah?

39. Huh.

40. Ah.

41. Uh...

42. Uh...

43. Ah.

44. Ah?

45. Ah—uh...

46. Uh...

47. Ah. Ah.

48. Ah.

49. Ah!

50. Ah.

51. Ah!

52. Oh.

53. Ah!

54. Jordan, would you say I'm gullible?

55. Mm... no.

56. I feel sometimes like I'm gullible.

57. So you believed me when I said

58. that you weren't gullible just now?

59. - Oh, darn it. Okay. - See what happened?

60. Wait a minute, so then, what else is not true

61. that you told me? Are you not Danny Glover's son?

62. No, would I be able to talk

63. like this if I wasn't Danny Glover's son?

64. That's a really good point. You wouldn't be able

65. to talk like that if you weren't...

66. - Danny Glover's son.

67. I can't help talking like this.

68. Hey, man.

69. You gotta let me out of here.

70. Oh, okay.

71. You tricked me.

72. I can honestly say I wasn't trying to trick you.

73. You weren't?

74. All I said was, "You gotta let me out of here."

75. There's no trick.

76. So I do have to let you out of here?

77. Yes?

78. Okay.

79. Bon voyage.

80. Order's to let him go, I don't know why

81. he's in here in the first place. I don't know.

82. Sorry.

83. Boy, you really got me in trouble.

84. Sorry.

85. Yeah, you must think I'm stupid.

86. Well, I'm not stupid. I'm smart, so—

87. You know how you could prove that you're really smart?

88. Oh, yeah, let me guess.

89. You want me to let you out of here again.

90. - Well. - You know what?

91. You think that you can trick me into letting you out again.

92. Well, you can't. 'Cause this is my choice.

93. - Get the heck out of here. - All right.

94. All right?

95. Reverse psychology.

96. (guard) Sorry about that, guys. That was me, guys, my bad.

97. My bad.

98. Real nice.

99. Now they said they're gonna dock my pay, and if I let you

100. out of here again, I'm gonna be severely punished.

101. I mean, what are you gonna do?

102. I'm actually surprised they haven't already

103. thrown you in here with me.

104. No, prison is for bad guys.

105. You're a bad guy, and I'm a good guy.

106. Yeah, but you could see how, from my perspective,

107. I'm a good guy.

108. Wait, you're a good guy?

109. It doesn't seem like you understand what your job is.

110. Oh, oh, okay. I see what you're doing.

111. You're trying to manipulate me with reverse psychology.

112. - Well, it's not gonna work. - No.

113. It's not even worth going out there again.

114. Look, they just gon' get me and bring me back in here,

115. just like they always do.

116. Unless...

117. What?

118. No, I'm— forget it, I don't want

119. to take advantage of you anymore.

120. Look, hey, no, no, listen. I'm not gonna fall for it,

121. whatever it is. You may as well just tell me.

122. I was just gonna say that, like, if you were to help me...

123. Uh-huh.

124. get past the guards...

125. Yeah, yeah.

126. and get all the way out—

127. Okay.

128. I really— no, I have to tell you.

129. You need to think about this long and hard.

130. Weigh your options and consider

131. the ramifications of those options.

132. Like heck I will.

133. - Let's go. - All right.

134. - I'm busting you outta here! - Shh.

135. Don't—don't yell, man.

136. You might as well ring the alarm.

137. - Good idea, yeah. - No—

138. Look, look, he—ah! He's—

139. - Oh, hi, Tom. - It was—

140. Good to see you guys. Yeah.

141. Oh, boy, I did it again, didn't I?

142. It's actually very ironic, 'cause when I was

143. a prison guard— when I was a prison guard,

144. I wasn't allowed to talk to the prisoners.

145. That was the thing, they said to me,

146. "If you talk to those prisoners, you're gonna get in trouble.

147. You're gonna get in trouble." Now that I'm in here with you,

148. I can talk as much as I want. Just babble on, and babble on,

149. and babble on, we can talk about anything you want. Any—any—

150. (male announcer) Teaching Center is brought to you by BMW.

151. The ultimate driving machine.

152. Hello and welcome to Teaching Center.

153. I'm Boyd Maxwell, with today's top stories

154. from the exciting world of teaching.

155. And I'm Perry Schmidt.

156. Well, now we know.

157. The long awaited announcement by star English teacher

158. Ruby Ruhf has sent teaching fans across the nation into a frenzy.

159. I've enjoyed my time in Ohio very much,

160. but I'm pleased to announce that I'm taking my talents

161. back to New York City. Thank you very much.

162. Apparently, PS431 has made Ruby an offer she couldn't refuse.

163. $80 million guaranteed over six years,

164. with another $40 million in incentives

165. based on test scores.

166. This salary puts her right up there

167. with Rockridge Elementary's Katie Hope

168. and William Wu out of—

169. Colgate Magnet!

170. All right, let's take a look at yesterday's

171. high school teacher draft from Radio City Music Hall,

172. where Central Rapids High,

173. recipient of the worst test scores last semester,

174. made the first pick that was no surprise to anyone.

175. For the first pick, Central Rapids High takes...

176. calculus teacher Mike Yoast from Tulsa Teacher's College.

177. (Key) And just like that, you're a millionaire. Ha ha.

178. (Peele) Mike Yoast is an unbelievable story,

179. his father living from paycheck to paycheck

180. as a humble pro football player.

181. Kid was a natural mathlete.

182. You know he's gonna buy his mom a house.

183. - Oh, you know this. - Oh, there's no way

184. - around that.

185. You owe your mom.

186. (announcer) Today's highlight of the day is brought to you

187. by the 100% Black Angus Beef Thickburger

188. on a fresh-baked bun from Carl's Jr. and Hardee's.

189. Now it's time for the highlight of the day.

190. Star history teacher Ashley Ferguson has been

191. running up them test scores over at Vinz Clortho High.

192. - Okay. - Whoo.

193. Confederate forces fired first.

194. Can anyone tell me where this battle took place?

195. Now, look at this.

196. She looks left, then right,

197. looks past the students with their arms up in the air,

198. - spots Max near the back... (Key) Whoo.

199. Sees that even though his hand isn't up, he's engaged.

200. Max?

201. It was Fort Sumter?

202. That's right.

203. Oh, come on. See what she did there?

204. She's bringing a introvert into the discussion, y'all.

205. That's a teacher of the year play right there.

206. That's right, Boyd. You know, the confidence gained

207. by Max by answering that question correctly

208. will enhance his performance throughout the rest of the year.

209. No doubt. Coming up after the break,

210. Mayfield Prep trades French teacher Janeane Lowe

211. to Skyline High for a head librarian

212. and two lunch ladies to be named later.

213. And we'll get the inside scoop on the impending

214. - teacher's strike that could... - Uh-oh.

215. Cripple the season.

216. Next up, on Teaching Center.

217. Whoo.

218. (Ruby voice-over) Strength courses through me.

219. I am velocity.

220. I am power.

221. I am a leader, a believer.

222. I am the force that guides.

223. I am the gateway to what is possible,

224. the path to the future.

225. I am the future.

226. (male announcer) The all-new 20156 Series is here.

227. Meet the new Teacher's Pet.

228. You know what? I'm not gon' be—

229. I'm not gonna be doing no commercials.

230. - None? - I'm not gonna sell

231. my out. I'm gonna keep my integrity.

232. That's good, 'cause that way, you don't have to ever worry

233. about buying a car or anything like that.

234. But what, just for argument's sake,

235. what kind of figures are people getting these days?

236. Well, like, if it was a Sam—

237. you know, maybe Samsung or something,

238. you might make $750,000, or something like that.

239. 750...

240. Yeah, yeah.

241. - Thousand. - I mean, you'd have to give up

242. - your phone—your iPhone. - I'm in.

243. - What? - I'm in.

244. I don't think there's an offer on the table, or anything.

245. Let's find one.

246. Well, what about your, um, artistic integrity?

247. $750,000.

248. 750, 500.

249. - What would you—would you— - 250.

250. Take it easy. Now, wait a second.

251. We'll do it together.

252. Okay, yeah, but we wouldn't just do

253. a commercial for anybody, now.

254. - We wouldn't do it for anybody. - Sss...

255. - I mean, if, you know— - If they got $100,000 I am.

256. Okay, let's say that the Ku Klux Klan came

257. for us to do a commercial.

258. For $100,000?

259. Well, they're giving back to the black community

260. at that point— me.

261. - Best comic book adaptation... - Oh, yeah.

262. - to film hand down. - It's—oh, yeah.

263. - No argument. - Oh, yeah.

264. Oh. See you later, girls.

265. - All right. - Oh, yeah.

266. Um, I know I'm in the minority here, but I don't really like

267. the Christopher Nolan Batman movies.

268. - I don't.

269. I really just feel like they're... overrated.

270. Okay.

271. Well, that's, um, that's just an opinion.

272. You see, that's why I prefaced it by saying,

273. "I know I'm in the minority."

274. Awkward.

275. You know, what, no. No.

276. Not really. It's not awkward,

277. at least not until you said "awkward."

278. Now it's awkward, because of what you said.

279. Anyway.

280. Anyway, what? Anyway, what?

281. Really, 'cause when you say "anyway,"

282. then you have to follow it up with an actual contribution

283. to the conversation we're having.

284. - Yikes. - No, look at me.

285. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

286. There's no "yikes," and the reason why

287. there's no "yikes" is, there's nothing scary

288. about this situation, okay?

289. It's a very low-stakes situation.

290. - All right.

291. No, not "all right." Come here. No.

292. Don't look at him. Don't look at either of those guys.

293. Look at me, all right?

294. "All right," what?

295. 'Cause after you say "all right,"

296. you have to follow that up with something.

297. Don't do it.

298. Don't look at them.

299. Do not look at them.

300. No—No. Do not look at them.

301. Do not look at them. Don't do it.

302. Tell us how you really feel.

303. Okay, you know what? I'll tell you how I really feel.

304. Listen, I really feel like you're an asshole

305. who has nothing interesting to say.

306. So what—oh. No. Don't.

307. No, don't look at them. Turn your head.

308. Turn it. Right here.

309. Tell me an opinion that you have about something.

310. Just one opinion that you have about anything at all.

311. Just share an opinion. Anything. Share an opinion.

312. Share an opinion. Share an opinion.

313. Share an opinion right now. Just off the top of your head.

314. Share an opinion. Anything.

315. Just one opinion, that's all I'm asking.

316. Share one opinion right now.

317. - Share it. Share an opinion. - Ah, ah, ah...

318. I don't have an opinion, and that's why I just like

319. everything that everyone else likes in pop culture.

320. Don't look at me.

321. Don't look at me! Don't look at me!

322. Okay.

323. Can you recall the last place you felt out of place?

324. I feel a little out of place everywhere, to be honest, like—

325. Mm, that's the mark of a genius.

326. I... can't say I disagree with you.

327. But... these equations happening in my head, these...

328. Oh, boy. What have I done?

329. Ideas—nay, concepts.

330. Oh, yeah.

331. Ra!

332. Ya, ya?

333. You can just use English when you're talking to me, man.

334. Okay, listen to me. I'm just saying,