1. Hey, watch where the
you going.Copy !req
2. - Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh.Copy !req
3. I didn't see you had
a baby there, man.Copy !req
4. I'm sorry. I ain't trying
to fight nobody with a baby.Copy !req
5. Yeah, h-hell yeah,
you won't.Copy !req
6. Pfft.Copy !req
7. - Lucky mother.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
8. Well, you're lucky
I'm carrying this baby.Copy !req
9. What's up with that?Copy !req
10. Look, man, you need
to move on, all right?Copy !req
11. I already told you
I'm not gonna fight you.Copy !req
12. Huh.
That's what I thought, punk.Copy !req
13. - Psh.
- You wanna go?Copy !req
14. 'Cause we can go
right now, dog.Copy !req
15. What's goin' on, brother?Copy !req
16. Man, what the hell
are you doing, man?Copy !req
17. What, what, what?
You tr... what, what?Copy !req
18. Tryin' to bo...
I can bob and weave it.Copy !req
19. - What?
- You bitch-ass,Copy !req
20. punk-ass mother,
let's go.Copy !req
21. Come on, man.
Come on.Copy !req
22. No, no, don't look at your boys.
Look at me, man.Copy !req
23. Don't look at your b...Copy !req
24. Ow.Copy !req
25. Oh, okay,
you think you hard.Copy !req
26. All right,
but you know what?Copy !req
27. I'ma show you what time it is
right now. Okay? Slap me.Copy !req
28. I'm just... right?
How 'bout this, huh?Copy !req
29. Now what you gonna do, huh?
Now what you gonna do?Copy !req
30. You ready?
'cause we can do it right now.Copy !req
31. 'Cause I could take you out,
man.Copy !req
32. You're nothing...
Aaah...Copy !req
33. Ow!Copy !req
34. Oh! Oof.Copy !req
35. Okay.Copy !req
36. Oh, it's on now.Copy !req
37. That's... yep.Copy !req
38. You dead.
You dead.Copy !req
39. Excuse me, I need this.Copy !req
40. Yeah.Copy !req
41. Necesito un bebe.Copy !req
42. - Gracias.Copy !req
43. Listen.Copy !req
44. What the...Copy !req
45. What now, man?
What now?Copy !req
46. Let's go.Copy !req
47. You know what?
It's not even worth it, man.Copy !req
48. Ahh, ha ha.Copy !req
49. That's what I thought!Copy !req
50. So keep walking!Copy !req
51. Oh. Okay, that's vomit.Copy !req
52. That is vomit.Copy !req
53. Oh, dear.Copy !req
54. Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.comCopy !req
55. Resync BluRay by LeRaloufCopy !req
56. You know what's going on.Copy !req
57. - Thank you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
58. - Thank you!
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
59. Hello!Copy !req
60. Good evening.
I am Keegan-Michael Key.Copy !req
61. - I am Jordan Peele.
- And we are Key and Peele.Copy !req
62. - Key and Peele.
- Thank you for coming out.Copy !req
63. That's our names.Copy !req
64. All right.Copy !req
65. So one thing that is trueCopy !req
66. is that I would never, uh,
last in a gang.Copy !req
67. - Nor would I.
- No.Copy !req
68. Nor would I,
not for one moment.Copy !req
69. I mean, I don't get
the whole hand sign thing.Copy !req
70. - Mm-hmm.
- I'd be throwing up,Copy !req
71. "Hey, live long and prosper,
mother."Copy !req
72. You know?Copy !req
73. - That's what I got.
- I...Copy !req
74. I would be too concerned
about the colors.Copy !req
75. - Right.
- I would just be too c...Copy !req
76. I would... 'cause I don't
understand the colors.Copy !req
77. I don't understand
the rhyme or the reason.Copy !req
78. Now, Bloods...
I get that one.Copy !req
79. Why are Crips blue?Copy !req
80. Is that a arbitrary choice?
Is there a Crip in the house?Copy !req
81. Nobody? Nobody?Copy !req
82. I'm just... I'm just...Copy !req
83. Yes, ma'am, please.
Why are the Crips blue?Copy !req
84. She just r...Copy !req
85. "I'm a Crip.
I'm a Crip.Copy !req
86. "I'm a Crip.
Say somethin' else."Copy !req
87. - "Watch yourself."
- "Say somethin' else."Copy !req
88. "Watch
yourself.Copy !req
89. "'Cause,
I got three gunsCopy !req
90. on me right now."Copy !req
91. What? What? What?Copy !req
92. What? What? What?
Check yo'self,Copy !req
93. before I body pierce
your damn skull.Copy !req
94. Think you can pull that trigger
'fore I blow your personalityCopy !req
95. out the back of yo' head?Copy !req
96. Then go right ahead
and test the hypothesisCopy !req
97. and see what happens.Copy !req
98. A'ight, I'ma give you
a straight-up vampire C-section,Copy !req
99. - like we was...
- Edward and Bella.Copy !req
100. Hold up.
You like Twilight?Copy !req
101. Yeah, I like Twilight,Copy !req
102. You like Twilight?Copy !req
103. , Twilight's
my jam.Copy !req
104. You a Edward
or a Jacob?Copy !req
105. Answer that
together.Copy !req
106. - Three, two, one.
- Edward.Copy !req
107. - Shi...
- Shi...Copy !req
108. - Are you ing with me?
- Are you ing with me?Copy !req
109. You either playing
some ed-up game,Copy !req
110. or you are straight-up
inside my head.Copy !req
111. Yo, and when you said
you was gonna blowCopy !req
112. my personality
out the back of my head,Copy !req
113. I'm like,Copy !req
114. "That sounds like some
I would say."Copy !req
115. - Psh.
- And now this Twilight?Copy !req
116. - It's wavelength,Copy !req
117. - So I guess we friends then.
- Oh, we best friends now.Copy !req
118. We the best of friends!Copy !req
119. - BFFs?
- We are BFFs, M.F.Copy !req
120. No, you didn't!Copy !req
121. - No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did!Copy !req
122. That is a cra...
That's a crazy story, man.Copy !req
123. Whew, too much, boy.Copy !req
124. Team...Copy !req
125. Edward.Copy !req
126. Mm, mm, mm.Copy !req
127. Well, looks like
another gang-related killing.Copy !req
128. Surprise, sur-mother-
prise.Copy !req
129. You guys remember the
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?Copy !req
130. - Awful show.
- That show was crazy.Copy !req
131. It was, like, the worst editing
in the history of TV.Copy !req
132. Just bad sound effects.Copy !req
133. Yeah, totally.
Yeah, I mean...Copy !req
134. When was the last time
you heard a hit sound like that?Copy !req
135. - That doesn't sound like any...
- No, never.Copy !req
136. No, I've never...
I've never heard that, yeah.Copy !req
137. I love in kung fu movies,
and it, probably... it'd be like,Copy !req
138. just the wind, just...Copy !req
139. And you just hear that noise.Copy !req
140. - No, you can't.
- Exactly, no, you can't do that.Copy !req
141. Yellow Falcon,
what do your senses tell ya?Copy !req
142. Destructo is
a killing machine.Copy !req
143. His armor is impervious
to our blasters.Copy !req
144. You got any ideas,
Red Falcon?Copy !req
145. Sure do, Yellow Falcon.Copy !req
146. Blue Falcon, you remember
our battle at Dango Bluff?Copy !req
147. I'll take the legs,
you take the blasters.Copy !req
148. It was Beaver Creek,
and I took the legs.Copy !req
149. Make sure you shore up
that flank, Black Falcon.Copy !req
150. Um, are you talking to me?Copy !req
151. Because I'm
the Green Falcon.Copy !req
152. No time for that,
Black Falcon.Copy !req
153. Purple Falcon,
arm missiles!Copy !req
154. Roger that.
Arming missiles now.Copy !req
155. Uh...Copy !req
156. Battle formations.
We're going in.Copy !req
157. - Hey.
- Roger that.Copy !req
158. - Hold up.
- Copy that.Copy !req
159. - Roger.
- My Falcon is green.Copy !req
160. Hey, hey, hey.
We can talk aboutCopy !req
161. our Falcon colors when we get
back to base, Black Falcon.Copy !req
162. Right now,
we got a mission to do.Copy !req
163. Fall into Falcon formation.Copy !req
164. Well, now, here's the issue
is that, you're gonnaCopy !req
165. give me an order, I'm not gonna
know you're talking to me.Copy !req
166. 'Cause... I'm not
in a Black Falcon.Copy !req
167. Come on, chill it out,
Black Falcon.Copy !req
168. Yeah, Black Falcon,
relax.Copy !req
169. First of all,
I don't like the wayCopy !req
170. you guys are saying "black."Copy !req
171. Second of all,
there is no Black Falcon!Copy !req
172. I'm Green Falcon!Copy !req
173. Black Falcon, homie,Copy !req
174. no one's trying to get up
in your grill here.Copy !req
175. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't talk to me like that.Copy !req
176. No, don't say "grill"
like that.Copy !req
177. I'm the Green Falcon,
and I...Copy !req
178. Oh, stop being
so Black Falcon about it.Copy !req
179. What the
do you mean by that?Copy !req
180. Black Falcon, brother,Copy !req
181. I understand
what you're going through.Copy !req
182. Do you?
No, I don't think you do.Copy !req
183. How would you feel if
I called you Red Falcon, huh?Copy !req
184. Whoa!Copy !req
185. And Purple Falcon,Copy !req
186. how would you feel if I called
you Yellow Falcon, huh?Copy !req
187. - That's racist.
- That was racist.Copy !req
188. - Yeah, that's racist.
- Ooh, that is racist.Copy !req
189. That's racist?Copy !req
190. Oh, see, okay,
nope, forget it.Copy !req
191. Black Falcon out...
Green Falcon!Copy !req
192. Green Falcon! Damn it!Copy !req
193. Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon
fall out of Falcon formation?Copy !req
194. Black Falcon,
get on that and report back.Copy !req
195. Black Falcon?
Black Falcon, come in.Copy !req
196. You know what's ridiculous?
When people go to prisonCopy !req
197. because they... they're trying
to cover for somebody else.Copy !req
198. - Yeah.
- Don't go to prison.Copy !req
199. If you... if you do...
if you didn't do the crime...Copy !req
200. Don't do the time.Copy !req
201. It's true.Copy !req
202. And that's one to grow on.Copy !req
203. But, you know,
in prison they, you know...Copy !req
204. It's not worth anything.Copy !req
205. - No, it's not.
- It's not worth anythingCopy !req
206. to just straight-up
get manhandled, and horseplayed,Copy !req
207. and monkeyed around.
No, you don't want any...Copy !req
208. - Eh, yeah, no.
- You don't want to haveCopy !req
209. animal interactions
with another man behind bars.Copy !req
210. I don't want
any rascally behavior.Copy !req
211. - I don't need...
- You don't want...Copy !req
212. everybody's undying respect
when I get out is not worth it.Copy !req
213. - No, and as a matter of fact...
- I don't care.Copy !req
214. You might not get
that undying respect...Copy !req
215. - Respect, yes.
- If, you know...Copy !req
216. when you fart it goes...
wooh... like a bottle.Copy !req
217. Like a bottle.Copy !req
218. Like an empt...Copy !req
219. I'm sorry.Copy !req
220. Ma'am...
Breathe.Copy !req
221. Yo, man, you okay in here?Copy !req
222. Everyone on the outside
know you didn't talk.Copy !req
223. We got mad respect
for you, dog.Copy !req
224. All right?
Mad respect.Copy !req
225. Yes.Copy !req
226. And I am still happy
with that decision.Copy !req
227. The first time
I was in lockup,Copy !req
228. dog, I was scared
less, man.Copy !req
229. Scared less, yes.
That is an...Copy !req
230. accurate way
to describe it.Copy !req
231. Yeah, man, but, you know,Copy !req
232. it wasn't too long before
I made this place my bitch.Copy !req
233. Oh, eh, there's plenty
of that going on.Copy !req
234. Yo, I ran this place, man.Copy !req
235. Come on, man, you must be
running this hole.Copy !req
236. Well, I am doing
quite a bit of running.Copy !req
237. Man, you know there's a
certain pecking order in prison.Copy !req
238. You know, you got
the brothers on the top,Copy !req
239. and you got the brothers
on the bottom.Copy !req
240. You understand.Copy !req
241. Yes, I understand that
very clearlyCopy !req
242. and very frequently.Copy !req
243. That's my dog.Copy !req
244. Now...Copy !req
245. the reason I came, though,
is we got kind of a problem.Copy !req
246. You know a crazy brother in here
go by the name of "Seven Inch"?Copy !req
247. Yes.
I definitely know Seven Inch.Copy !req
248. All right,
well Seven Inch runCopy !req
249. with the Willis brothers,
all right?Copy !req
250. And he knows
some that...Copy !req
251. Well, let's just say we can't
have this guy naming names.Copy !req
252. All right?Copy !req
253. We thought since you
on the inside,Copy !req
254. you could take care of it.Copy !req
255. You know what
I'm talking about?Copy !req
256. You want me
to take care of Seven Inch?Copy !req
257. Yeah, you know,
just take him out the equation.Copy !req
258. The problem is
getting time with him.Copy !req
259. Oh, I can get time
with him.Copy !req
260. Oh, yes, I do believe
I will most likelyCopy !req
261. be seeing him this evening.Copy !req
262. That's awesome.Copy !req
263. Okay, but you...
you gotta get him alone, though.Copy !req
264. Ohhh...
That won't be a problem.Copy !req
265. Okay, well, uh...Copy !req
266. What's your plan, man?
How you gonna do it?Copy !req
267. What do you say
I bite his off?Copy !req
268. Excuse me?Copy !req
269. Just bring my teeth down hard
on his.Copy !req
270. Dog, how you...
how you gonna get that close?Copy !req
271. Just... Way ahead of you
on that one.Copy !req
272. Oh, man.
You bad, man.Copy !req
273. That's... that's some
hard, dog.Copy !req
274. This place
has changed you, man.Copy !req
275. You have no idea.Copy !req
276. - I'm scared of cops.
- You're scared of cops?Copy !req
277. I'm scared of cops.Copy !req
278. I-I mean, I'm generally
afraid of cops becauseCopy !req
279. when I walk around with, like,
a black friend,Copy !req
280. like you...Copy !req
281. I start... I start talking
a little bit more thugCopy !req
282. - 'cause, you know...
- No, I know.Copy !req
283. - We nee... yeah.
- Because we need the extra power.Copy !req
284. - We need this.
- To make one full black person.Copy !req
285. - We need this.
- So, you know.Copy !req
286. It's gotta be right aboutCopy !req
287. - this level right...
- I swear to God...Copy !req
288. But you know what I'm saying,
brother?Copy !req
289. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
290. Didn't you just get more
comfortable all of a sudden?Copy !req
291. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
292. So, but a cop... if a cop
comes up to me on the street and,Copy !req
293. "Hey, what are you guys doing?"Copy !req
294. I-I turn into
Ned Flanders.Copy !req
295. It's all, "Hi-dee-oh.Copy !req
296. "Doing just fine.
Just walking down the streetCopy !req
297. "on a stroll, my friend.Copy !req
298. "Come on, follow me.Copy !req
299. "We'll find some criminals
together, let's do it."Copy !req
300. Oh, man.Copy !req
301. - "I'll tell on anyone."
- So...Copy !req
302. "I'll tell on..."Copy !req
303. Was I speeding, officer?Copy !req
304. You don't look like
you're from around here.Copy !req
305. No, sir.Copy !req
306. You been doing
any drugs tonight?Copy !req
307. No, sir.Copy !req
308. - Nope?
- No.Copy !req
309. Why don't you
pop that trunk,Copy !req
310. step out of the vehicle
for me, please.Copy !req
311. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
312. No drugs, huh?Copy !req
313. Nope.Copy !req
314. Well, well, well.Copy !req
315. What have we here?Copy !req
316. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You planted that in my car.Copy !req
317. Oh, did I?Copy !req
318. Or... did I plant this?Copy !req
319. Uh... I real... I guess...Copy !req
320. Up against the car,
right now.Copy !req
321. - Oh!
- Spread 'em!Copy !req
322. - Uh...
- Huh, what's going...Copy !req
323. Whoa, whoa.
What do we have here, huh?Copy !req
324. - What?
- These your colors, homie?Copy !req
325. - That's... that's not mine. Huh...
- Huh?Copy !req
326. - No, I don't know what that...
- What? No?Copy !req
327. Or are these your colors?Copy !req
328. Or perhaps these
are your colors.Copy !req
329. Or are these...?
Look at all these colors.Copy !req
330. Man, you sure got
a lot of colors.Copy !req
331. - I don't...
- Look at all of these colors.Copy !req
332. - What, this is...
- Wasah!Copy !req
333. - Are you a real cop?
- Freeze!Copy !req
334. What is that?Copy !req
335. Mm.Copy !req
336. Well, well, well.Copy !req
337. It looks like
an illegal firearm.Copy !req
338. Or...Copy !req
339. Is it? Ahh.Copy !req
340. Oh.Copy !req
341. I'm... I don't...
I don't know what this is.Copy !req
342. - I'm sorry.
- Pick a card.Copy !req
343. That's not even a good fan.Copy !req
344. Any card.
You can just stick... there.Copy !req
345. - Okay, you took that card?
- Yeah.Copy !req
346. - Now, can you remember that card?
- Yes.Copy !req
347. Can you commit that card
to memory?Copy !req
348. - This is unbelievable.
- Have you done so?Copy !req
349. - Have you done so?
- Yes.Copy !req
350. Please insert the card back
into the deck randomly.Copy !req
351. Done.Copy !req
352. It's in a different place than
where you took it originally?Copy !req
353. - There.
- There we are. There we are.Copy !req
354. - This is ridiculous.
- Now, I take the deck like so.Copy !req
355. I give it a "skasloisles"
and "abracasloish."Copy !req
356. Uh, fu... wha...Copy !req
357. Okay...Copy !req
358. Ahh. Is this...
your card?Copy !req
359. - No!
- Are you sure?Copy !req
360. I want your badge number.Copy !req
361. Oh. Oh. Oh!Copy !req
362. Uh... uh... wha...Copy !req
363. Okay...Copy !req
364. - Oh!
- Haah.Copy !req
365. Uh...Copy !req
366. It's my ca...
How did you do that?Copy !req
367. Ahh.Copy !req
368. And...Copy !req
369. that is for you.Copy !req
370. After all that,
you're still giving me a ticket?Copy !req
371. Is it a ticket?Copy !req
372. Or is it a two-for-one coupon
for my showCopy !req
373. at the Magic House
Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.?Copy !req
374. Your call.Copy !req
375. I'll take the ticket.Copy !req
376. Great. Okay.Copy !req
377. Do you want to talk
about that tweet?Copy !req
378. - Well there... yes, there was...
- Yeah.Copy !req
379. Wha... uh, a few months ago,
I did a...Copy !req
380. a tweet that,
uh... it was a...Copy !req
381. basically,
a hypothetical.Copy !req
382. - Mm-hmm.
- And it asked the question,Copy !req
383. "What if names were farts?"Copy !req
384. - Mm-hmm.
- What if,Copy !req
385. instead of names,
we had signature farts?Copy !req
386. We were identified,
personally, by farts.Copy !req
387. And we felt
that it was a good idea...Copy !req
388. to use lots
of Comedy Central's moneyCopy !req
389. to bring you this scene
based on that very premise.Copy !req
390. Shame on you if you laugh.Copy !req
391. Please, enjoy.Copy !req
392. - Honey, someone's here.
- Oh. Okay.Copy !req
393. Oh, hey ...,
good to see you.Copy !req
394. Thanks for having us,Copy !req
395. This is my girlfriend,Copy !req
396. We're so happy
you could join us.Copy !req
397. And this is my wife,Copy !req
398. So this is the infamousCopy !req
399. and...Copy !req
400. has told me
so much about you both.Copy !req
401. All good things I hope.Copy !req
402. You can never trust...Copy !req
403. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
404. And please, please,
don't call me...Copy !req
405. It makes me think
my mother's around someplace.Copy !req
406. Oh.Copy !req
407. Hey, you know, where is
little ...?Copy !req
408. Oh, she's at ...'s house
for a slumber party.Copy !req
409. - Ah.
- Oh, um... and ...,Copy !req
410. there's... this is the couple
from New YorkCopy !req
411. that we wanted you guys
to meet.Copy !req
412. Uh, this is...
and her husband...Copy !req
413. They're gonna be in New York
for a few weeks,Copy !req
414. so we were hoping you could
give them some tips.Copy !req
415. - Ooh.
- Sure.Copy !req
416. Oh, that'd be great.Copy !req
417. So, how do you know
and ...?Copy !req
418. Oh, well...
and I went toCopy !req
419. School of Dramatic Arts,Copy !req
420. back when...
was working in midtown.Copy !req
421. - Mm.
- Oh, where did you work?Copy !req
422. I was at ...,Copy !req
423. and...Copy !req
424. Oh, the law firm.Copy !req
425. - Hey!
- Oh, hey.Copy !req
426. - Ha!
- How are you?Copy !req
427. - It's so good to see you.
- Good to see you.Copy !req
428. Come here.
Hey, everybody,Copy !req
429. this is...Copy !req
430. I want you meet
one of my dearest,Copy !req
431. oldest friends...Copy !req
432. This is his girlfriend,Copy !req
433. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
434. - Hello.
- Of course, you know...Copy !req
435. - Oh, hi.
- This is ...,Copy !req
436. and this is her husband,Copy !req
437. - Hi.
- What a beautiful name.Copy !req
438. You know, I knew
a...Copy !req
439. in grad school.Copy !req
440. Oh.Copy !req
441. Well, thank you,
but it's actually pronouncedCopy !req
442. Wow, I swear that sounds like
what you were saying...Copy !req
443. I don't know.Copy !req
444. Anyways, it's lovely
to meet you all.Copy !req
445. Yeah, yeah, okay, yes.Copy !req
446. Robert!Copy !req
447. I'm so sorry.
Heinrich!Copy !req
448. I'll...Copy !req
449. show myself to the restroom.Copy !req
450. Wow, uh...Copy !req
451. - Jeez.
- So rude.Copy !req
452. Well, for ...'s sake.Copy !req
453. Thank you, everybody.Copy !req
454. Thank you so much
for coming out.Copy !req
455. I am the Yellow Falcon.Copy !req
456. I am the Black Fal...
Green Falcon!Copy !req
457. - Green, oh—
- Green Falcon!Copy !req
458. Good night, everybody.
Take care.Copy !req
459. Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.comCopy !req
460. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
461. Resync BluRay by LeRaloufCopy !req
462. What is a jeté?
What is that?Copy !req
463. - He wanna—
- You're gonna have to come up and show us.Copy !req
464. - I got it. I got it.
- That's terrific.Copy !req
465. Ready Avery? Watch my form!Copy !req