1. There's gotta be another
human being out there.Copy !req
2. Somewhere.Copy !req
3. It's been 173 days
since the undoing.Copy !req
4. Today, I may be
the last man alive.Copy !req
5. However,
if there is another,Copy !req
6. I will find them.Copy !req
7. The loneliness
is more than I can...Copy !req
8. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
9. Yeah! Whee!Copy !req
10. Ha ha!Copy !req
11. Whoo-hoo. There you go.Copy !req
12. Ahh.
Let me get some of that.Copy !req
13. Mm. Mmm.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Copy !req
14. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
15. That's my jam right there!Copy !req
16. Whoo!Copy !req
17. Hazzah!Copy !req
18. Wah, shakikah!
Wah, shaslikah!Copy !req
19. Ooh, y'all don't know
nothin' about that.Copy !req
20. Mm, mm.
Ptt-ptt-ptt-ptt.Copy !req
21. Oh, hey baby,
how you doing?Copy !req
22. Yeah!Copy !req
23. What,
all day, baby!Copy !req
24. Yeah!Copy !req
25. Whoa, hey!
Dude!Copy !req
26. Um, hey, I'll...
I'll come over there.Copy !req
27. Dude! Hey!Copy !req
28. I'll come to you, man.Copy !req
29. There's got to be another
human being out there...Copy !req
30. somewhere.Copy !req
31. Resync BluRay by LeRaloufCopy !req
32. Thank you so much.Copy !req
33. - I am Keegan-Michael Key.
- I am Jordan Peele.Copy !req
34. We are Key and Peele.
Welcome to the show.Copy !req
35. So, uh...Copy !req
36. - I didn't really know my father.
- Mm-hmm, yes.Copy !req
37. Didn't really know...
never really knew my father.Copy !req
38. I was raised by my mother,
single mom.Copy !req
39. - Single moms in the house!
- Single moms!Copy !req
40. Single moms are not
in the house, because they're...Copy !req
41. They're at home with
their kids... raising their kids.Copy !req
42. Thank you.
Thank you for playing anyway.Copy !req
43. They seldom...
seldom get out of the house. Sorry...Copy !req
44. Well I had one of those dads
who was, like,Copy !req
45. apparently just
one of those dudesCopy !req
46. Had about 54 children in the
span of two years, you know?Copy !req
47. - It was a Temptations thing.
- All across America?Copy !req
48. Papa was a rollin' stone.
Yes, he was.Copy !req
49. He must've just gone
on a bus tour and, like,Copy !req
50. sticked his penis
out the window, just every...Copy !req
51. every city he was in.
"There you go.Copy !req
52. "There's one of me
for you guys.Copy !req
53. "One of me for you guys.Copy !req
54. "Syracuse.Copy !req
55. - "Tampa."
- Bu... wow.Copy !req
56. That is a
hell of a lot of gas.Copy !req
57. But this, right here,
this is a hypothetical meeting.Copy !req
58. Like a hypothetical meeting
of Jordan and his father.Copy !req
59. Um, hi.
Are you Earl Peele?Copy !req
60. Who the hell want to know?Copy !req
61. I think I'm your son,
Jordan Peele.Copy !req
62. Oh, okay, I see.Copy !req
63. Come on in here for a minute.Copy !req
64. - Close the door on the way in.
- All right.Copy !req
65. All right, man, go ahead
and sit down.Copy !req
66. I'm gonna explain something
to you.Copy !req
67. Okay.Copy !req
68. I ain't your dad.Copy !req
69. All right,
I'm sorry to disappoint you,Copy !req
70. but that's
the situation, brother.Copy !req
71. Are you...
you see what's happening?Copy !req
72. - Huh?
- We're doing the same thing.Copy !req
73. I-I always do this. I always scratch
the back of my neck like thisCopy !req
74. whenever I'm in
an uncomfortable situation.Copy !req
75. Scratch my neck, man.
Everybody scratch their neck.Copy !req
76. I breathe in and out too, man.
Now everybody my kid?Copy !req
77. Okay, look at this.Copy !req
78. That's a picture of me when
I was a baby.Copy !req
79. That's my father.Copy !req
80. That ain't me.Copy !req
81. Man, look, look, man,
look at that dude's afro.Copy !req
82. Look, I got this
going on, man.Copy !req
83. My hair is gray,
he got black hair.Copy !req
84. I mean, he handsome as hell,
but I ain't nobody's daddy.Copy !req
85. I'm sorry.Copy !req
86. I've just been looking
for him everywhere.Copy !req
87. Yeah, yeah.
I'm sure you have.Copy !req
88. It's just,
I got my own TV show now.Copy !req
89. I don't know,
I just...Copy !req
90. I know that wherever he is,
he... he would be proud.Copy !req
91. Y-you got your own TV show,
huh?Copy !req
92. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
93. Yeah,
I'm producing and acting.Copy !req
94. Mm, oh, you, oh,
you producing and acting!Copy !req
95. Right, okay, yeah, that...
oh, that... that's my boy.Copy !req
96. Yeah, look at that, man,
we doing the same thing.Copy !req
97. What is that?
Holy.Copy !req
98. That's genes right there, man.
'cause you can't do thatCopy !req
99. unless you sharing mad genes
with somebody.Copy !req
100. It's got to be in your DNAs.Copy !req
101. - Oh!
- All right.Copy !req
102. - You my son.
- No.Copy !req
103. - My baby boy!
- Thanks for your time.Copy !req
104. You come back home, man.Copy !req
105. - I missed you so much, little man!
- Okay, hey, stop it.Copy !req
106. Stop... get off, get off!Copy !req
107. - Just get off... get off!
- Get off, wha... oh, hey.Copy !req
108. Oh.Copy !req
109. When I first came to your door,
you wouldn't even acknow...Copy !req
110. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
111. You know what?
When I first came in here...Copy !req
112. - I first came in here...
- Stop that!Copy !req
113. When I first came in here,
you wouldn't even acknowledgeCopy !req
114. that I could possibly
be your son.Copy !req
115. But now,
only after I tell youCopy !req
116. that I have my own show
on Comedy Central...Copy !req
117. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Comedy Central?Copy !req
118. Get the
out of my house!Copy !req
119. So, uh,Copy !req
120. Keegan and I are...
we're fans of gay people.Copy !req
121. - We love gay people.
- Our gay brothers and sisters.Copy !req
122. Yep, where are
my gay people?Copy !req
123. - In the house.
- Oh, here's...Copy !req
124. You guys need
one of these too.Copy !req
125. - There he is, okay.
- You guys need one of the...Copy !req
126. Maybe that one?Copy !req
127. You... you deserve one.Copy !req
128. You know, gay people say
you're born gay, you know, you...Copy !req
129. - It's not a choice.
- Right.Copy !req
130. I believe that, but,
you know, some... you know,Copy !req
131. you're not born gaaay!Copy !req
132. - You're not born doing that.
- That's true.Copy !req
133. You're not born doing that.Copy !req
134. That's training.Copy !req
135. That's conditioning
and training.Copy !req
136. No one was giving birth
and jazz hands came out.Copy !req
137. There was no...Copy !req
138. That doesn't happen.
You have to learn some things.Copy !req
139. Oh, man.
It doesn't.Copy !req
140. - Here, check that...
- Check this out.Copy !req
141. I'm going to be honest
with you, Samuel.Copy !req
142. Adoption can be
a long, difficult process.Copy !req
143. I'm sorry, we should
probably wait for my partner.Copy !req
144. - Okay.
- He should be here any second.Copy !req
145. We havin' a baby!Copy !req
146. Hello, Sammy.Copy !req
147. You must be LaShawn.Copy !req
148. Ooh!
You must be "LeCorrect."Copy !req
149. Okay, well, we were just discussing
your options for adoption.Copy !req
150. And how difficult it is
to actually be approved.Copy !req
151. Oh, well you can just put
us on the listCopy !req
152. with a gold star and a check
and a "A+"Copy !req
153. because we want this baby, like,
yester-doodle.Copy !req
154. Well, as I told your husband,Copy !req
155. it can be an extremely long
waiting period.Copy !req
156. Right, right. And it's even hard
for straight couples to adopt, so...Copy !req
157. Well, you tell them baby people
that we are going to beCopy !req
158. the best parents ever.Copy !req
159. Because we gonna be strict,
but also fun.Copy !req
160. Like, for instance,
everybody gonna have to clean upCopy !req
161. after Tuesday night
Dress-up Parade.Copy !req
162. I... do not know
what that is.Copy !req
163. I...Copy !req
164. Oh, every day gonna have
a different theme.Copy !req
165. - Is it?
- So, for instance,Copy !req
166. Monday, that's gonna be
"Under the Sea" day.Copy !req
167. Tuesday, that's gonna be
"Dress-up Parade."Copy !req
168. Wednesday gonna be based
on the Chinese calendar.Copy !req
169. - Okay, and you know, actually...
- And then Friday...Copy !req
170. It might be very difficult when
you actually have kids, LaShawn.Copy !req
171. Kids? Do you want
to adopt more than one child?Copy !req
172. - Absolutely not!
- Absolutely-tutely!Copy !req
173. It can speed things upCopy !req
174. if you're willing
to adopt siblings together.Copy !req
175. - Sammy, we can get a set.
- Why?Copy !req
176. - Sammy, we can get a set!
- We're not getting a set.Copy !req
177. Ooh!Copy !req
178. We could dress them up
like companion objects.Copy !req
179. Like a bat and a ball,
or a kite in the wind.Copy !req
180. See?
LaShawn gets carried away, so...Copy !req
181. If you really want
to expedite the process,Copy !req
182. you could adopt
a special needs baby.Copy !req
183. - Miss, you are killing me here!
- Yes!Copy !req
184. Yes, that's what we want.
A special needs kid,Copy !req
185. preferably one with white eyes
and can tell the future.Copy !req
186. Okay, so now we're getting
a special needs kid.Copy !req
187. Uh, LaShawn,
there's a lot of extra costCopy !req
188. When you get a disabled child,Copy !req
189. because that's what, actually,
"special needs" means.Copy !req
190. Come on. We ain't never gonna have
to worry about money again!Copy !req
191. How is that possible?Copy !req
192. 'Cause we gonna start
a family band,Copy !req
193. Called
"LaShawn and the Sam-Sations."Copy !req
194. And, ooh! How many times
can you change a child's name?Copy !req
195. Because I have this system.Copy !req
196. And it's a little bit
of an out-there idea,Copy !req
197. but I think if you really
set up a systemCopy !req
198. where if you do something good,
you get a better name.Copy !req
199. So if your name is Allister
one day,Copy !req
200. you do something good,
your name could be Popeye.Copy !req
201. And that's what
we here to say,Copy !req
202. Is that we are the New
Black Panther Party.Copy !req
203. What's the biggest problem
facing the movement?Copy !req
204. Well, you know,
we supposed to be in this eraCopy !req
205. of so-called
"post-racial harmony",Copy !req
206. with all people in America.Copy !req
207. But us blacks are being murdered
all over the place,Copy !req
208. and we get the same treatment
time and time again.Copy !req
209. We're not even
second-class citizens.Copy !req
210. We third-class.
Stand up, black America,Copy !req
211. and declare to white AmericaCopy !req
212. that we aren't gonna take this
no more, okay?Copy !req
213. - Why come out now and say this?
- You know what?Copy !req
214. You had 400 years
to get it right, America.Copy !req
215. But you don't know how
to treat your people.Copy !req
216. All people.
It's time to stand up.Copy !req
217. It's time to take back.
It's time for us to fight back.Copy !req
218. And we don't take
your phony words anymore.Copy !req
219. We're not gonna do it.
We want concrete results.Copy !req
220. You know, you... you hear
what we're saying to you,Copy !req
221. "United Snakes of America"?Copy !req
222. What are you supposed to do when
the whole world is watchingCopy !req
223. And no-one
is saying anything?Copy !req
224. We will not be silent.Copy !req
225. Okay, you, sir.
Anything you wanted to say?Copy !req
226. Oh, me?
No, I'm good.Copy !req
227. Oh, damn!Copy !req
228. Check that out.Copy !req
229. - What is that?
- Whoo!Copy !req
230. I didn't know
they made 'em like that.Copy !req
231. I don't even understand
what I'm seeing.Copy !req
232. Mm. Whoo-whoo!Copy !req
233. I would love to see
what's under there.Copy !req
234. I am really curious
about that.Copy !req
235. Yeah, dog, yeah.Copy !req
236. - I mean, I have no idea.
- Well, you know, we, uh...Copy !req
237. We obviously have some idea,
you know?Copy !req
238. I don't.Copy !req
239. Well, you know, it's, uh...
you know, it's a coochie, baby.Copy !req
240. Yeah.
Or something.Copy !req
241. Uh, no, no, no, man.Copy !req
242. It's... It's definitely
her lady parts.Copy !req
243. Or, maybe
it's just more skin.Copy !req
244. Nope.
It... it's a vagina.Copy !req
245. Yeah.Copy !req
246. Or, maybe it's
a little face under there.Copy !req
247. Uh, no.Copy !req
248. No, it's... it's
definitely gonna be a vagina.Copy !req
249. Why?Copy !req
250. Be... because she's a girl,
and girls have vaginas, man.Copy !req
251. What is that?Copy !req
252. What is a vagina?Copy !req
253. It's a woman's
reproductive organ.Copy !req
254. Wha... are you being serious
right now?Copy !req
255. Thank you.
That is all I require.Copy !req
256. Oh!Copy !req
257. There's aliens!
There's a alien down there.Copy !req
258. Something I've always enjoyed
in African American cultureCopy !req
259. - is the barbershop.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
260. The barbershop is
a very big part of our culture.Copy !req
261. I haven't been to one
in quite some time.Copy !req
262. But, um...Copy !req
263. - The black barbershop is...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
264. That's the social cent...
the core...Copy !req
265. Of a community, very often.
Certainly for the men.Copy !req
266. - Yeah.
- And what's so bad is that I wishCopy !req
267. just... I just wish other businesses
could get in on the fun.Copy !req
268. Yeah. So we sympathize with, uh,
businesses in the black communityCopy !req
269. that aren't the barbershop.Copy !req
270. The barbershop is always
the most enviable business, so...Copy !req
271. - Yes. Here we go.
- Yes, we take you here.Copy !req
272. - Hey, Uncle Ted.
- Ah!Copy !req
273. Oh, geez.
Whoo!Copy !req
274. - Sorry, Uncle Ted, man.
- Oh, Keith.Copy !req
275. - I got you, didn't I?
- Yeah, you got me, man.Copy !req
276. - You got me pretty good.
- Oh.Copy !req
277. So what's going on today?Copy !req
278. Oh, just the usual,
young buck.Copy !req
279. Just another day
at the laundromat.Copy !req
280. - Yeah.
- Why, people come in,Copy !req
281. they do their laundry,Copy !req
282. we chat it up about
some of the topics of the day.Copy !req
283. That's just another day
hanging at the 'mat.Copy !req
284. I wonder what's going on
in the barbershop today?Copy !req
285. Sure looks like
they're having fun over there.Copy !req
286. Forget all that, kid.Copy !req
287. Come on, we got
our own assortmentCopy !req
288. of colorful characters
right here in the 'mat!Copy !req
289. Come on.Copy !req
290. Hey, there.
You need any more quarters?Copy !req
291. Nope.Copy !req
292. Okay.
Okay, hilarious.Copy !req
293. Oh! Hey there,
Ms. Demetrius.Copy !req
294. You need some more quarters?Copy !req
295. Oh-ho, she didn't hear me.Copy !req
296. That's part of the problem,
Uncle Ted.Copy !req
297. You know, all that noise up in
here from the machines running,Copy !req
298. and it's kind of hot.Copy !req
299. Loud and hot?
Sound like my old lady.Copy !req
300. Billy Dee Williams
is in there now.Copy !req
301. He's Lando Calrissian.Copy !req
302. He runs Cloud City.Copy !req
303. Oh!Copy !req
304. - Yeah, baby!
- All right!Copy !req
305. But, uh, damn it, Keith!
What I tell ya?Copy !req
306. We got it going on right here
at the 'mat, baby!Copy !req
307. Uncle Ted,
I gotta tell you something.Copy !req
308. I got my own
washer and dryer months ago.Copy !req
309. I just keep hanging out hereCopy !req
310. 'cause I didn't want you
to feel bad.Copy !req
311. Oh, you didn't want me
to feel bad.Copy !req
312. Got your own washer and dryer.
All right.Copy !req
313. Oh, you're big-timing me now.
Okay, I see how it is.Copy !req
314. Hey, well,
your shirt ain't clean,Copy !req
315. Your pants ain't clean.Copy !req
316. You can't get a good wash on one
of them home washer-and-dryers.Copy !req
317. Uncle Ted.
I'm... I'm going.Copy !req
318. Uh, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
319. Let's have some fun.
Let's have some fun!Copy !req
320. We... you can get in
one of the laundry cartsCopy !req
321. and I can push you around!Copy !req
322. Nope.
I'm out of here.Copy !req
323. No I... Wait...
wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
324. Hold on there, Keith.
Keith!Copy !req
325. And if that don't work,
then you do a little tap dance.Copy !req
326. And then you go,
I'm your man.Copy !req
327. I'm your man!Copy !req
328. All right.Copy !req
329. Welcome to the barbershop,
young man.Copy !req
330. - You're Billy Dee Williams.
- Yeah, yeah, how you doing?Copy !req
331. I'm good,
thank you so much, man.Copy !req
332. All right,
could you do me a favor?Copy !req
333. - Yeah.
- Could you let go of my hand?Copy !req
334. Okay.
Oh, thanks, man.Copy !req
335. Oh, how you doing, man?Copy !req
336. I have a friend... I have
a friend that, literally,Copy !req
337. like, he'll go into a room
and it's like...Copy !req
338. He... he's getting ready
for an hour.Copy !req
339. And he comes out,
he's got on a white t-shirt,Copy !req
340. jeans, and a hat.Copy !req
341. What the were you doing
for an hour?Copy !req
342. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
343. - It's... you know what I mean?
- Yeah.Copy !req
344. It takes me, like,
15 minutes to get a suit on.Copy !req
345. - That's right.
- He's just in there going...Copy !req
346. Some dudes... some brothers are vain.
Some brothers are vain.Copy !req
347. They're all, "Oh, man,
some dust got on my shoes.Copy !req
348. "There are ruined!
Oh, these are ruined.Copy !req
349. "Gotta go get some more sneakers
right now."Copy !req
350. - So, yeah.
- But that's whatCopy !req
351. the scene is about... style.Copy !req
352. - It's about style, yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
353. In what universe
is The Family CircusCopy !req
354. better than Dilbert?
For instance... Oh.Copy !req
355. Yo, what's up, man?
How you...Copy !req
356. - been?
- Oh, you know, cuz.Copy !req
357. Keepin' it straight.Copy !req
358. - You know.
- All right, cool.Copy !req
359. Well, I guess
I'll check you later.Copy !req
360. All right, dog.Copy !req
361. What you should have seen
was Rain People,Copy !req
362. with James Caan
and Shirley Knight.Copy !req
363. Yo.Copy !req
364. Uh, what's up, man?Copy !req
365. You got something to say?Copy !req
366. Yeah, man, um...Copy !req
367. How's Denise?Copy !req
368. Oh, yeah, Denise.
She good, she good, she good.Copy !req
369. Anyway, guess I'll catch you
on the flip.Copy !req
370. Yeah, dog, yeah.
Ain't no thing.Copy !req
371. Come on, stick it.Copy !req
372. - I'm in there, dog.
- Come on.Copy !req
373. No, I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there.Copy !req
374. - Tuck it.
- I'm in there.Copy !req
375. - Tuck it.
- I'm tuckin' it in, brother.Copy !req
376. I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog.Copy !req
377. You know.
All right.Copy !req
378. Oh.Copy !req
379. Huh, anyway, you know,
you gotta come real,Copy !req
380. come correct, when you coming
at all, you know?Copy !req
381. That's basically how I roll.Copy !req
382. If you ain't got...Copy !req
383. Oh, my God.
That's my.Copy !req
384. Come here.
Get this.Copy !req
385. - He's having problems.
- He's having problems.Copy !req
386. - He is having problems.
- We gotta get this brother...Copy !req
387. - This brother is weeping.
- He's weeping.Copy !req
388. - Are you okay?
- He's weeping.Copy !req
389. This motheris...Copy !req
390. Come back to us!Copy !req
391. My man is...
My man is crying.Copy !req
392. - Oh.
- Oh, my...Copy !req
393. Thank you guys so much
for everything.Copy !req
394. Thanks for coming out,
everybody!Copy !req
395. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
396. Matthew McConaughey from
Days and Confused is here.Copy !req
397. Right here. He's sitting right there.Copy !req
398. Keep rockin' that look!Copy !req
399. That guy's on acid right now.Copy !req
400. "I once saw that show there were
two crows on stage."Copy !req