1. - Where you at, though?
- Look at this.Copy !req
2. 34, 24, sha-bloimps.
- Blip.Copy !req
3. - Blip, blip.Copy !req
4. Oh, man, check this out, dog.
- Where, where?Copy !req
5. - Look at this fine
piece of assCopy !req
6. all the way
down the street here, dog.Copy !req
7. - That's what I'm talkin' about,
though, hey, girl!Copy !req
8. - Damn. Ooh!Copy !req
9. - Yeah, walk this way
with that fine ass.Copy !req
10. Blip!Copy !req
11. - Yeah, girl,
why don't you come down hereCopy !req
12. and put that in my mouth,
'cause daddy want a snack!Copy !req
13. - Blip, blap, takin' a bap!
- Why you hurtin' me, girl?Copy !req
14. - Brisket. Briskety!
- You're hurtin' me!Copy !req
15. That's deliciousness, yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
16. Yeah, keep it coming!
Ye-Copy !req
17. And-and that is a professional
basketball mascot.Copy !req
18. - That is a man in an
orange rhinoceros costume.Copy !req
19. - Hell, I'd fuck
that rhino.Copy !req
20. - Hello.Copy !req
21. - All right.Copy !req
22. All right, all right.
- Thank you.Copy !req
23. Welcome to the show.
Thank you for coming.Copy !req
24. Uh, I am Keegan.
- And I am Jordan. Hello.Copy !req
25. - And this is
Key and Peele.Copy !req
26. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
27. - And, uh, Africa
is truly fucked up.Copy !req
28. - Okay. You just came
outta the gate with that.Copy !req
29. - It's fucked up,
Keegan.Copy !req
30. - See, and I completely
disagree.Copy !req
31. I would go to Africa
right now.Copy !req
32. - No, see,
there are flyover states.Copy !req
33. For me, Africa,
that's a flyover continent.Copy !req
34. - So, you're
seriously telling meCopy !req
35. you would not
want to see the Nile?Copy !req
36. - No.Copy !req
37. - You would not want to see
the plains of the SerengetiCopy !req
38. - No.Copy !req
39. - You would not want to see,
uh, Mt. Kilimanjaro.Copy !req
40. - Kilimanjaro?Copy !req
41. I'm more worried
about Mt. "Kilima-negro."Copy !req
42. - No, you didn't.
No, you did not.Copy !req
43. You did not just say that.
- I'm saying, look...Copy !req
44. slavery was an awful thing.Copy !req
45. Awful.Copy !req
46. All I'm saying, silver lining,
it got my ass out of Africa.Copy !req
47. - Okay.
- I said it.Copy !req
48. - But things are
improving there, Jordan.Copy !req
49. Things are different.
- It's not-It's not-Copy !req
50. It's not different enough.Copy !req
51. I'm sorry, no, I refuse
to go to a continentCopy !req
52. that's so bad
that people don't even careCopy !req
53. if there are flies
on their face.Copy !req
54. - Unbelievable.Copy !req
55. - All right,
y'all gather round.Copy !req
56. Gather round.
Welcome, gentlemen.Copy !req
57. What a beautiful and blessed day
for an auction.Copy !req
58. All right, y'all,
get on up there.Copy !req
59. - Put that whip down
and see what happens, though.Copy !req
60. - Straight up.Copy !req
61. I don't care what plantation
I end up on.Copy !req
62. I'm straight staging a revolt
in this motherfucker.Copy !req
63. - Hells yeah.Copy !req
64. - We have lot A,
lot B, and lot C.Copy !req
65. - Uh, $3 on lot A.
- $4.Copy !req
66. - 5!Copy !req
67. - $5 going once, twice,
three times, sold.Copy !req
68. Lot A goes to the man
in the black hat.Copy !req
69. - I mean, good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
70. - I'm glad
I didn't get sold,Copy !req
71. 'cause I don't want to be owned
by another human being.Copy !req
72. - Whoever buys me, they better
kill me the first day,Copy !req
73. or I'ma go buck-wild
on the whole operation.Copy !req
74. - Okaay?Copy !req
75. - Next one,
get up on up there, now.Copy !req
76. - Oh, this-okay.Copy !req
77. - $6 on lot A.Copy !req
78. - $7!
- 8.Copy !req
79. - 9!Copy !req
80. - $9 going once, twice,
three times, sold!Copy !req
81. - Okay, well,
you have to buy that dude.Copy !req
82. - It's a no-brainer.
- I mean, that guy's huge.Copy !req
83. - A massive individual.
- That's two of me.Copy !req
84. - Anybody would buy him.
- I'd buy that dude.Copy !req
85. - My question is,
how'd they catch him?Copy !req
86. - Next!Copy !req
87. - Okay. Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
88. - $2 on lot A.Copy !req
89. - $2 going once, twice,
three times, sold.Copy !req
90. - See, now,
that surprises me.Copy !req
91. - That is interesting,
to say the least.Copy !req
92. - I mean, well, it just seems
like at a certain point,Copy !req
93. it's like, do they even know
what they're looking for?Copy !req
94. - It's like
the whole criteriaCopy !req
95. seems just a little
inconsistent.Copy !req
96. - I mean, at some point,
I want to be on lot A.Copy !req
97. - Yeah, which-
Can a brotha get on lot A?Copy !req
98. - Next.Copy !req
99. - Oh, here we go.
- Here we go.Copy !req
100. - Been a pleasure.
- Give 'em hell.Copy !req
101. - All right.
- Okay.Copy !req
102. - $8 on lot A.Copy !req
103. - Going once, twice,
three times, sold!Copy !req
104. - How does that happen?Copy !req
105. - Nope, not true.
- What you just said-Copy !req
106. that's gobbledygook, okay?Copy !req
107. That can't be true.
'Cause what can this dude do?Copy !req
108. Look at him.
What could he pick?Copy !req
109. A cotton plant is,
like, this tall.Copy !req
110. - Yes.
- No offense, brotha,Copy !req
111. I'm just saying.
- Offense taken.Copy !req
112. - Wha-Copy !req
113. Am I wrong? Is he not short?
He's short.Copy !req
114. But you are actually short
in real life, in the world.Copy !req
115. - You're good, man.
- Enough.Copy !req
116. I will not have
my reputation tainted,Copy !req
117. sellin' superficial,
bigoted slaves.Copy !req
118. - Superficial? Did that really
just come out of your mouth?Copy !req
119. - That's it!
This auction's over!Copy !req
120. - Auction's over?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
121. No, it's-it ain't over.
It's not over!Copy !req
122. I'm strong, y'all!Copy !req
123. I'm very str-
I can sleep in a bucket.Copy !req
124. - I'm fast, I got stamina,
and I know magic.Copy !req
125. - My worst quality
is that I'm a perfectionist.Copy !req
126. - Let me men-
Have I mentioned this? Docile.Copy !req
127. I am agreeable
to a fault.Copy !req
128. You should have seen the dude
who asked me to get on the boatCopy !req
129. when we came over here.Copy !req
130. - Not a violent bone
in my body.Copy !req
131. - I just walked right on,
no big deal.Copy !req
132. Never seen a boat
in my life.Copy !req
133. - 'Scuse me.
I think we're ready to order.Copy !req
134. - Well, um, I'm sorry.Copy !req
135. That's not how things work
in this establishment.Copy !req
136. Someone will come to you.Copy !req
137. - Yes, we're sorry.
No-no problem.Copy !req
138. - What was that?
- What?Copy !req
139. - Well, where was
black Jeff?Copy !req
140. - "Black Jeff"?Copy !req
141. - Yeah, black Jeff.Copy !req
142. I read somewhere that
when you date a biracial guy,Copy !req
143. you're supposed to get
the best of both worlds,Copy !req
144. so there are
white-Jeff situations,Copy !req
145. and there are
black-Jeff situations,Copy !req
146. and that was definitely
a black-Jeff situation.Copy !req
147. - Oh. Okay.Copy !req
148. - Hi, folks,
I'm so sorry for the wait.Copy !req
149. Can I get you bottled
or tap water for this evening?Copy !req
150. - How 'bout I bottle your ass
and kick itCopy !req
151. down the stairs, man?
We've been waitin' half an hourCopy !req
152. for one o' you
motherfuckers to show up!Copy !req
153. - God, I'm so-I'm so sorry.
I'll get you a bottleCopy !req
154. of our finest premium water,
on the house.Copy !req
155. - That's what I said, bitch!
- What are you doing?Copy !req
156. - Black Jeff.
That was black Jeff.Copy !req
157. - But he was
just trying to help us.Copy !req
158. - Oh, so, white Jeff?
- Yes.Copy !req
159. - Good evening.
I'm sorry to bother you two.Copy !req
160. I am the maitre d'
here at Chez Henri.Copy !req
161. - Oh, yes, uh,
what is it?Copy !req
162. - I am so sorry
to disturb you both,Copy !req
163. but our establishment
has a certain dress code,Copy !req
164. and madame's, um, decolletage
is inappropriate.Copy !req
165. - Oh, my God.
We're-we're very sorry.Copy !req
166. We didn't know
there was a dress code.Copy !req
167. We'll certainly remember
for the next time.Copy !req
168. But there ain't gonna be
no next time for you!Copy !req
169. Lookin' at my woman,
and her-her ch-Copy !req
170. deco-chocka-"chockalage,"
or whatever you said, man!Copy !req
171. - Is there
a problem here?Copy !req
172. - Okay, see, it was really
a simple misunderstanding.Copy !req
173. It all startedCopy !req
174. with that motherfucker
right there,Copy !req
175. who was disrespectin'
myself and my girl,Copy !req
176. but we really
love this guy,Copy !req
177. and he gave us
exceptional service.Copy !req
178. - We're gonna have to
ask you to leave.Copy !req
179. - You have to
ask me to leave?Copy !req
180. Oh, you gonna have to ask
the black man to leave? Huh?Copy !req
181. Actually, you don't
have to ask us to leave.Copy !req
182. 'Cause we're going to see
ourselves out.Copy !req
183. And we ain't never
comin' back again!Copy !req
184. Though we really
appreciate your help.Copy !req
185. Oh, lo siento mucho.
Watch yo ass, man!Copy !req
186. Let us reimburse you
for that breakage, okay?Copy !req
187. Right after I burn
this whole placeCopy !req
188. to the motherfuckin' ground
with everybody inside of it!Copy !req
189. By which I mean
you're going to getCopy !req
190. a very negative review
on Yelp.Copy !req
191. - All right,
so we get most of ourCopy !req
192. knowledge of history
from movies.Copy !req
193. - Yeah, and we have noticed
that, you know,Copy !req
194. not a lot of, uh,
black movies about war.Copy !req
195. - Right.Copy !req
196. - And that's because
the militaryCopy !req
197. was integrated so late.Copy !req
198. So not a lot
of movies about it.Copy !req
199. - But actually the military was
integrated before anything else.Copy !req
200. - Oh, absolutely,
before anything else.Copy !req
201. - And, by the way, white people,
not the equality we had in mind.Copy !req
202. - Yeah.Copy !req
203. It's like, "Hey, boy,
you want a drink of water?Copy !req
204. "Go back
around the corner.Copy !req
205. "You want to die
for your country?Copy !req
206. Stand right here
in front of me."Copy !req
207. - Well, there was
that one movie Glory.Copy !req
208. - Yes, of course Glory.
- Glory's fucked up itself.Copy !req
209. I mean, they just threw
a bunch of black dudes at a fortCopy !req
210. to see if it was
okay to attack it.Copy !req
211. - Yeah.Copy !req
212. And then a dearth
of moviesCopy !req
213. when it came
to World War II.Copy !req
214. No black people.
- No black-Copy !req
215. I mean, there's that one scene
in Pearl Harbor.Copy !req
216. - Yeah.
- Where just-Copy !req
217. Cuba Gooding, Jr., falls out
of a kitchen all of a sudden,Copy !req
218. grabs an
anti-aircraft gun.Copy !req
219. Talk about,
"Show me the money!"Copy !req
220. What is that?Copy !req
221. - And then, apparently, white
people figured something out,Copy !req
222. because during Vietnam,Copy !req
223. they sent
all our asses over there.Copy !req
224. - Oh, yeah, Vietnam.
- Everybody.Copy !req
225. - Hello, all of my uncles.
- Yes.Copy !req
226. - Welcome to the jungle.Copy !req
227. - What is your name? Jackson?
This way to the draft.Copy !req
228. - There you go.Copy !req
229. I mean, again,
not the equality we had in mind!Copy !req
230. - Yeah. Crazy.Copy !req
231. All we wanted to do was look
at white women's assesCopy !req
232. without getting murdered.Copy !req
233. That's all
we wanted to do.Copy !req
234. - That's all.Copy !req
235. Heil Hitler.Copy !req
236. My name is colonel
Hans Mueller of the S.S.Copy !req
237. As you know, we were
combing the area for Jews.Copy !req
238. But it has come to our attention
that two negroes have escaped,Copy !req
239. and are hiding out
in this area as well.Copy !req
240. You wouldn't happen to knowCopy !req
241. anything about this,
now, would you?Copy !req
242. - Uh, no.
No negroes here. Mm-mm.Copy !req
243. - Uh, negroes? Ew.Copy !req
244. Hell no.Copy !req
245. - And, um,
what are your names?Copy !req
246. - Leroy...Copy !req
247. Heimer.Copy !req
248. Leroyheimer
is my last name,Copy !req
249. and my first name
is very German,Copy !req
250. and that is because
it is Heinrich.Copy !req
251. So, my name
is Heinrich Leroyheimer.Copy !req
252. - And I am Baron Helmut...Copy !req
253. Schnitzelnazi.Copy !req
254. - Well.Copy !req
255. Are you going to
invite me in?Copy !req
256. - Of course!
- Yeah, come on in!Copy !req
257. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
absolutely.Copy !req
258. - Please, gentlemen,
sit down.Copy !req
259. Now...Copy !req
260. as you know, the negro,
not unlike the Jew,Copy !req
261. can be a very
tricky creature.Copy !req
262. Oh, that's fun.Copy !req
263. We have developed
many tests to determineCopy !req
264. if an individual
is, in fact,Copy !req
265. an actual negro.Copy !req
266. It's very scientific.Copy !req
267. Like when we throw the beans
up against the homosexualsCopy !req
268. to see if
the beans explode.Copy !req
269. - Yeah, uh...Copy !req
270. what kind of tests?Copy !req
271. - It's interesting
that you would ask me that.Copy !req
272. Would you mind if I...Copy !req
273. removed your hat?Copy !req
274. So that I can
measure your head.Copy !req
275. The negro head,
interestingly enough,Copy !req
276. only comes
in the half sizes.Copy !req
277. It's one of the many interesting
things about the negro head.Copy !req
278. Hmm.Copy !req
279. Everything
seems in order.Copy !req
280. - Well,
no negro heads here.Copy !req
281. - I'll tell you what,
though.Copy !req
282. If a negro head
came in here,Copy !req
283. it would find itself
detached from its negro body.Copy !req
284. I'll tell you that,
right here.Copy !req
285. Am I right?Copy !req
286. - This is very,
very good.Copy !req
287. But there are so many
exceptions to the rule,Copy !req
288. which is why
it's so importantCopy !req
289. that we have a test
which is fool-proof.Copy !req
290. - Uh, m-m-m-more tests?Copy !req
291. - You know,
hunting the negroes all day,Copy !req
292. you really build up an appetite,
do you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
293. Can I interest you twoCopy !req
294. in some delicious beets?Copy !req
295. Interesting.Copy !req
296. The negro
cannot resist the beet.Copy !req
297. It is drawn to it
like flies to scheisse.Copy !req
298. Well, gentlemen.Copy !req
299. It appears I have
wasted your time.Copy !req
300. I'll be on my way.Copy !req
301. - Just one more thing.Copy !req
302. I'm curious as to
how you feel about...Copy !req
303. this cat toy!Copy !req
304. Jiggledy, jiggledy!Copy !req
305. Nothing?Copy !req
306. Well, that's embarrassing.Copy !req
307. I'm sorry
for bothering you.Copy !req
308. You two are obviously
not negroes.Copy !req
309. - Of course
we're not negroes.Copy !req
310. - This is a no-negro zone.Copy !req
311. - Thank you, gentlemen.Copy !req
312. - Ain't no thang.Copy !req
313. - Herr Leroyheimer.Copy !req
314. Oh, that's new.Copy !req
315. Baron Schnitzelnazi.Copy !req
316. - What's goin' on?
Oh, heil Hitler.Copy !req
317. - I'll wait for you here.
There we go. All right.Copy !req
318. By the way...Copy !req
319. Are you, by chance,Copy !req
320. related to the Dusseldorf
Schnitzelnazis?Copy !req
321. - Yes, I am.Copy !req
322. - How's your Aunt Frida?Copy !req
323. - Aunt Frida? She...Copy !req
324. is still...Copy !req
325. fat?Copy !req
326. - I don't recall
her being fat.Copy !req
327. But who looks like they did
in college anyway, am I right?Copy !req
328. - Not me. Not me. Not me.
- Not this one, either.Copy !req
329. - 'Cause I was a-
You know what I'm talking about?Copy !req
330. - Well, guten tag.
- All right.Copy !req
331. - Oh, gutenberg!Copy !req
332. - Whew.
Man, that was close.Copy !req
333. Whoo. We gotta
get outta here, man.Copy !req
334. We-Copy !req
335. - He left the cat toy, man!
- Uh-uh.Copy !req
336. - He left it!
- Uh-uh.Copy !req
337. - Oh!Copy !req
338. Oh!Copy !req
339. - So here's the thing.Copy !req
340. As black actors in Hollywood,
Jordan and ICopy !req
341. keep going out
for this one particular roleCopy !req
342. over and over again.Copy !req
343. - We don't get called out
for the average black role.Copy !req
344. You know, like the gangster
who gets killed,Copy !req
345. or the pimp
who gets killed,Copy !req
346. or the black dude in Star Trek
who gets evaporated.Copy !req
347. We don't go out for those.Copy !req
348. We don't.Copy !req
349. - It's always the same role
over and over again.Copy !req
350. Tell 'em the role.Copy !req
351. - Well, maybe 'cause
we're not intimidating,Copy !req
352. but we always go out
for the black best friend.Copy !req
353. - Always, always.
Because-Copy !req
354. Always.Copy !req
355. Because you guys
understandCopy !req
356. that all groups
of three white menCopy !req
357. have to have
one black friend.Copy !req
358. - They have to.Copy !req
359. - That's a rule.Copy !req
360. - Well, he's cool,
it makes them cool.Copy !req
361. - Right, right.
- It makes them not racist.Copy !req
362. And, oh-
and the black best friendCopy !req
363. always has the same lines.Copy !req
364. I'm talking about, "Damn!"
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
365. Or like, "No, he didn't!"
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
366. - And the ubiquitous...Copy !req
367. "Oh, hell no."Copy !req
368. - It's in every script
we ever see.Copy !req
369. And then, of course,
there are alsoCopy !req
370. phrases in every script
we always see.Copy !req
371. Here's one of 'em.Copy !req
372. "Now, ya all
clearly like each other.Copy !req
373. So go back over there
and get her digits, dog."Copy !req
374. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
375. What about this one?
What about this one?Copy !req
376. "Man, you lucky
your pops cares about you.Copy !req
377. You lucky!"Copy !req
378. - It's ridiculous.Copy !req
379. Not every black person
is wise and reasonable.Copy !req
380. - Mm-mm, in fact,
for every Morgan Freeman,Copy !req
381. there's, like,
five Flavor Flavs.Copy !req
382. - That's true.Copy !req
383. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.Copy !req
384. Come on, man,
what you doin', man?Copy !req
385. That's stupid.Copy !req
386. That's stupid, man,
don't do that, man. Come on.Copy !req
387. - Are you kidding me?Copy !req
388. - Come on, man,
don't go in there!Copy !req
389. Do not go into
a crane shot right now!Copy !req
390. You kidding me?Copy !req
391. - Yeah, man, I hear y'all.Copy !req
392. This movie's got
a inconsistent visual language!Copy !req
393. - Half the time, this nigga
just shootin' all hand-heldCopy !req
394. like he
a dogma filmmaker!Copy !req
395. That's funny,Copy !req
396. since dogma
clearly forbidsCopy !req
397. temporal and geographical
alienation!Copy !req
398. - Oh, I loved that shot
the first time.Copy !req
399. When it was in Nosferatu!Copy !req
400. That's right.Copy !req
401. - I mean, this nigga
tryin' to do some homageCopy !req
402. to the German expressionists
or some shit!Copy !req
403. - It's a visual
medium, man!Copy !req
404. Enough with this My Dinner
with Andre bullshit!Copy !req
405. - I mean, has this dude
even heard of mise-en-scene?Copy !req
406. Put some information
up in the frame, bitch!Copy !req
407. - Oh, I get it. Yeah.
I'ma overexpose the film.Copy !req
408. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Get an ethereal look.Copy !req
409. Man, fuck that shit!Copy !req
410. - Can we just go?Copy !req
411. - Hold on, honey, they're
actually making good points.Copy !req
412. Hey, has this guy watched too
much Quentin Tarantino or what?Copy !req
413. - Sir, we're gonna need you
to lower your voice.Copy !req
414. Too much talking, okay?
Thank you.Copy !req
415. I talked to him, sir.Copy !req
416. He's not gonna bother you
anymore.Copy !req
417. - Thank you.Copy !req
418. - So, I am a pacifist.
I'm against violence.Copy !req
419. - Well, except-with
the exception of video games.Copy !req
420. - Yes, with the exception
of video games.Copy !req
421. - And MMA.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
422. - And, uh, Game of Thrones.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
423. - And The Wire.
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
424. - And slasher movies.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
425. All right, let me rephrase it.
Let me rephrase it.Copy !req
426. I am against violence
involving me.Copy !req
427. - That's-that's clear.
- No, on-Copy !req
428. yeah, on TV and movies,Copy !req
429. that's where
it's supposed to be.Copy !req
430. Where no actual person
gets hurt.Copy !req
431. - I agree with that.
I agree with that.Copy !req
432. - Which is why I will not
slap you high five anymore.Copy !req
433. - Why-why?
- Because.Copy !req
434. There's that one time.Copy !req
435. He slapped my hand
so hard,Copy !req
436. my shit just turned
into a pink mist.Copy !req
437. - It was-
We had done-Copy !req
438. We had done
something comedicallyCopy !req
439. that worked really well,
and I got excited.Copy !req
440. I came-I had to
get in there!Copy !req
441. - No, you came at-
- I had to get in there.Copy !req
442. - Show-just show-
Show me how you slap high five.Copy !req
443. - Okay, I'll do it
in slow motion.Copy !req
444. What happened
was I came up in here-Copy !req
445. I got my plant foot down.Copy !req
446. - See, don't-no plant foot.
No plant foot.Copy !req
447. - Just got
my plant foot down,Copy !req
448. and then I got
some torque in my hips.Copy !req
449. - See, what's the-
Why are you turning back here?Copy !req
450. - 'Cause I had to
get that shit!Copy !req
451. - No, man.
- I had-Copy !req
452. I got some torque,
like, in my hips...Copy !req
453. - No, this is-
none of this.Copy !req
454. - Went straight
Tiger Woods on it.Copy !req
455. - No, dude.
- Got the hips around.Copy !req
456. - Why you gotta be-
- I got the hips around.Copy !req
457. And then I just let-Copy !req
458. This shit was a whip.
Just a straight whip.Copy !req
459. And then...
- Aah!Copy !req
460. - And got in there.Copy !req
461. I got in there,
and then l-Copy !req
462. I know you need to run,
but come here.Copy !req
463. And then I got him here,Copy !req
464. and I had, like,
a follow-through like that.Copy !req
465. And I got through
like that.Copy !req
466. - You ready, homie?
- Hells yeah.Copy !req
467. - Let's take
these motherfuckers out.Copy !req
468. - Hold up.Copy !req
469. Nah...Copy !req
470. - What?Copy !req
471. - We gotta
go back home, man.Copy !req
472. - Why?Copy !req
473. - I pooped my pants.Copy !req
474. - What?
- Just now.Copy !req
475. I just pooped my pants.Copy !req
476. - You-you got diarrhea?Copy !req
477. - Hell no, man,
I ain't gay.Copy !req
478. We gotta go home right now,
man, let me change my drawers.Copy !req
479. - Man, the dudes we trying
to smoke is right there.Copy !req
480. - Man, how you want me
to smoke somebodyCopy !req
481. when I got poop
in my pants?Copy !req
482. - Are you sure
you pooped 'em?Copy !req
483. - Am I sure, nigga, am I sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
484. - Yes.Copy !req
485. That is poop in my pants.Copy !req
486. - That's nasty, man.
- It's natural, man.Copy !req
487. - For a three-year-old.
Not for a hardcore gangsta.Copy !req
488. - See, if you were
my real friend, though,Copy !req
489. you wouldn't make
such a big deal out of it.Copy !req
490. - Wouldn't make
such a big deal out of it?Copy !req
491. Nigga, you a grown-ass man
who just shit in his drawers.Copy !req
492. - Oh, snap.Copy !req
493. - No, you didn't.Copy !req
494. Nigga, you just shit
your pants again.Copy !req
495. - Don't judge.Copy !req
496. - You need to get outta my car
and go to the hospital.Copy !req
497. - Okay, I see how it is.Copy !req
498. See, I wouldn't do that
to you, though.Copy !req
499. - You never would
have to do that to me,Copy !req
500. because under no circumstances
would I ever shit my pants.Copy !req
501. Uh-Copy !req
502. I'm sorry I judged you.Copy !req
503. - Apology accepted.Copy !req
504. - Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
505. You're a champ.
Awesome show.Copy !req
506. Good night, everybody!
Thanks for coming out!Copy !req
507. - Oh, yeah.Copy !req
508. - Not gonna give me a high five?
- Ain't gonna happen, Jack.Copy !req
509. Why don't people call each other
Jack out of nowhere?Copy !req
510. - I miss Jack,
and I miss the word "say."Copy !req
511. Say, Rich, where you goin'?
I miss that.Copy !req
512. - That's just '70s shit...
"Say, Rich."Copy !req
513. - Say, Jack,
where you goin', man?Copy !req
514. - What's up, Jack?Copy !req