1. Come on now!
Let's go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
2. No pit stops.Copy !req
3. If you need to go,
the window's your toilet.Copy !req
4. Oh, boy!Copy !req
5. My first pet adoption ceremony!Copy !req
6. I hope there's beautiful dresses,Copy !req
7. a mashed potato bar,Copy !req
8. and a flash mob set to Bruno Mars!Copy !req
9. I think they're just gonna sign
some papers with a nice pen.Copy !req
10. What are you talking about?Copy !req
11. They're flying in sand
for the litter boxes from Dubai.Copy !req
12. Seth!Copy !req
13. Let's go, let's go, let's go!Copy !req
14. If that drama queen don't want
to come to Provincetown,Copy !req
15. we're leaving his sorry ass behind.Copy !req
16. Oh, boy. You're dense, huh?Copy !req
17. Like an adorable little block of lead.Copy !req
18. Stop embarrassing the both of us.Copy !req
19. Engage your core or put me down.Copy !req
20. I know you have
a lot of baggage in P-Town,Copy !req
21. but your old buddy Beef would be
devastated if you missed his big day.Copy !req
22. Beef's a big boy. He'll get over it.Copy !req
23. - I'm staying here.
- Ooh,Copy !req
24. unfortunately, that's not possible.Copy !req
25. Brandi Airbnb'd the rescueCopy !req
26. to a nice German family.Copy !req
27. Does this cat want to come
with us to throw pennies into 9/11?Copy !req
28. Then I will book myself a room
at the Chelsea Hotel.Copy !req
29. Hmm, Amanda Lepore owes me 50 bucks.Copy !req
30. Come on, Armando. You got to come.Copy !req
31. Why are you going to this?Copy !req
32. You don't even know Beef.Copy !req
33. I've never been to one of these beforeCopy !req
34. and my whole crew is going and...Copy !req
35. also, Franny's gonna be there.Copy !req
36. Oh, I see. You want to cozy up
with your special little bar wench.Copy !req
37. What? No!Copy !req
38. She's just a... Aw!Copy !req
39. Aw, shut up.Copy !req
40. Armani, don't you want to hang out
with me and my plus-one, Molly?Copy !req
41. Or my plus-two, Mary Jane.Copy !req
42. Or my plus-three, Eliza-meth.Copy !req
43. That's what I call cocaine.Copy !req
44. I appreciate the offer,Copy !req
45. but I won't be "rolling my tits off"Copy !req
46. at the site of my greatest heartbreak.Copy !req
47. Fine. But you're gonna keep having
bad dreams about the placeCopy !req
48. until you go back and face your shit.Copy !req
49. Just come with us.Copy !req
50. We'll help you make new memories.Copy !req
51. Hey, we could run into the ocean,Copy !req
52. make out with a dolphin.Copy !req
53. Go on a ghost tour,Copy !req
54. meet some gay ghosts.Copy !req
55. Fine.Copy !req
56. But there's no such thing as gay ghosts.Copy !req
57. They prefer the term "phantom."Copy !req
58. Uh, Brandi,Copy !req
59. I hate to criticize you,Copy !req
60. but this is a one-way street!Copy !req
61. Ugh, let me flip this bitch.Copy !req
62. Oh, my God.Copy !req
63. Oh!Copy !req
64. Shut the fuck upCopy !req
65. and find me that aux cord.Copy !req
66. I can't drive without my Imagine Dragons.Copy !req
67. I'm Kevin.Copy !req
68. Oh.Copy !req
69. Bear Week?Copy !req
70. Wow! A whole week celebrating me?Copy !req
71. Yes, Bear. All these large hairy men
are here for you.Copy !req
72. I've got to call my adult sonCopy !req
73. and loudly tell him about this
on the speakerphone.Copy !req
74. Watch out!Copy !req
75. Why would they put a hydrant
in the middle of the drive-walk?Copy !req
76. Whoa.Copy !req
77. - Fancy.
- Geez Louise.Copy !req
78. - Mamma mia.
- Oh.Copy !req
79. - Ooh.
- Just one of the happiest days of my life.Copy !req
80. Well, well, the Furrever Friends crew
has arrived.Copy !req
81. Can I get a whoop-whoop?Copy !req
82. Whoop-whoop!Copy !req
83. Oh, my God!Copy !req
84. That was fun!Copy !req
85. None of these animals are in amethyst.Copy !req
86. None of them are in amethyst!Copy !req
87. Babe, give them a break.Copy !req
88. They're color-blind.Copy !req
89. They don't know what amethyst is.Copy !req
90. Beef! Honey!Copy !req
91. Alternate with water.Copy !req
92. We've got a big day ahead of us here.Copy !req
93. What has that poor bastard
gotten himself into?Copy !req
94. I wonder if Franny's here yet.Copy !req
95. You know, it's weird, but I'm...Copy !req
96. I'm kind of nervous.Copy !req
97. Like, i-i-it's a good nervous.Copy !req
98. But why-why am I nervous?Copy !req
99. - I don't know.
- There she is.Copy !req
100. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
101. No biggie.
She's just chatting it up with a—Copy !req
102. Luscious being of pure energyCopy !req
103. etched into the stone of our reality
by the divine.Copy !req
104. Oh. So you took the drugs?Copy !req
105. I took the drugs, Kevin.Copy !req
106. Yes, I did.Copy !req
107. You know,Copy !req
108. it's not too late to come to your senses.Copy !req
109. And it's lovely to see you, too, Armando.Copy !req
110. Come on. Admit it—Copy !req
111. this thing's embarrassing.Copy !req
112. I mean, tuna tartare tater tots?Copy !req
113. You're a dry food man.Copy !req
114. Actually, the tater tots were my idea.Copy !req
115. I saw them on Pinterest.Copy !req
116. You've clearly been brainwashed.Copy !req
117. Did you drive all the way up here
just to be a big bitch on my special day?Copy !req
118. Your special day?Copy !req
119. This whole thing is for them.Copy !req
120. I'm part of them.Copy !req
121. And I'm really happy about that.Copy !req
122. And if you can't be happy for me,Copy !req
123. you don't have to be here.Copy !req
124. Oh, look at you.Copy !req
125. Oh, hold on. Let me straighten
your whiskers out a bit there.Copy !req
126. Look at that little face. Hi!Copy !req
127. - Hi!
- He's right.Copy !req
128. I don't have to put up with this shit.Copy !req
129. Tuna tartare tater tot tonight?Copy !req
130. Fuck, those are good.Copy !req
131. Excuse me!Copy !req
132. Oh!Copy !req
133. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
134. I am so sorry.Copy !req
135. I was just...Copy !req
136. I was in a rush.Copy !req
137. Because if I don't take these pills,
I'll go intoCopy !req
138. - diabetic shock and swallow my tongue!
- Diabetic shock and swallow your tongue!Copy !req
139. I've been there.Copy !req
140. Hi. I-I'm Clem.Copy !req
141. I'm Judy.Copy !req
142. No, you're two teen British boys
coming of age,Copy !req
143. 'cause you're a Heartstopper.Copy !req
144. Oh, gosh!Copy !req
145. Should we take our pills... together?Copy !req
146. I'd like that.Copy !req
147. - Aah!
- Uh-oh.Copy !req
148. Think that one was mine.Copy !req
149. Are you okay?Copy !req
150. You know, back in my day...Copy !req
151. Oh, fuck me.Copy !req
152. adoption was someone finding you
on the streetCopy !req
153. and tying you to a tree in their yard.Copy !req
154. And, by God, you respected the tree.Copy !req
155. - Uh-huh.
- I am fed upCopy !req
156. with this cockamamie ceremony.Copy !req
157. It is bullshit.Copy !req
158. And it's exactly why
I'm getting out of here.Copy !req
159. Oh! Great idea!Copy !req
160. Let's you and me get out of here.Copy !req
161. - Whatever.
- Hey, look at us.Copy !req
162. Two friends doing things.Copy !req
163. It's just like the movie The Bucket List!Copy !req
164. - You seen that?
- Maybe on a plane once.Copy !req
165. Oh. Do not get me started
on the airline industry.Copy !req
166. You know, people need guidelines.Copy !req
167. Otherwise they're coming in here
with all their pets.Copy !req
168. "Plus-one" means one,Copy !req
169. either spouse or pet...Copy !req
170. I've been here for, like, an hour.
She hasn't even said hi.Copy !req
171. I got to go... to the bathroom.Copy !req
172. Hey, hey! What's going on?Copy !req
173. Hope I'm not interrupting anythingCopy !req
174. over here.Copy !req
175. Kev! Hey, man.Copy !req
176. I saw you in there.
I was gonna come say hi—Copy !req
177. But-but-but-but I've been hogging her.Copy !req
178. Showing her how soft my belly is.Copy !req
179. So soft, right?Copy !req
180. It's very soft.Copy !req
181. Kevin, this is Chai.Copy !req
182. Oh. Like the drink? Cool name.Copy !req
183. Anyway, Franny, what are we doing?Copy !req
184. People-watching?
Showing each other TikToks?Copy !req
185. Oh! I have a good one.Copy !req
186. Half the screen is a Family Guy clip,Copy !req
187. and the other half is construction.Copy !req
188. That's actually my new favorite way
to watch TV.Copy !req
189. Uh, Franny, Franny, Franny!Copy !req
190. Before I forget,
can I show you this big stick I saw?Copy !req
191. I'll see your fuckin' stick.Copy !req
192. I'm gonna steal her. Okay?Copy !req
193. She's got to see it. It is so big.Copy !req
194. It's-it's too big for me to pick up.Copy !req
195. Kev, I think I got to see this stick.Copy !req
196. Yeah, yeah, the stick.Copy !req
197. Soft-bellied beautiful little bitch.Copy !req
198. - Oh!
- Ah! Wow!Copy !req
199. Wow, my pus pocket's
filling up fast today.Copy !req
200. Probably because I'm excited.Copy !req
201. Wait, you have a pus pocket?Copy !req
202. I have a pus pocket!Copy !req
203. It's where I keep my Lip Smackers. Mmm.Copy !req
204. Oh, isn't that sweet?Copy !req
205. Litter mates reunited.Copy !req
206. - Litter mates?
- Yes!Copy !req
207. They're brother and sister.Copy !req
208. Oh, I love that scab...Copy !req
209. - Ooh. I don't think she knows that.
- Fran! Fran!Copy !req
210. Franny! Franny!Copy !req
211. Fucking dogs.Copy !req
212. What are they bringing to the table?Copy !req
213. They like bones?Copy !req
214. That's macabre, right?Copy !req
215. Kevin, you got to feel
this card stock, man.Copy !req
216. This was trees.Copy !req
217. Trees who gave their lives
to tell us about the sand ceremonyCopy !req
218. and the blessing of the scratching post.Copy !req
219. Stop touching me.Copy !req
220. "A drum solo
from Joanna's pumpkin teacher."Copy !req
221. What the fuck is a pumpkin teacher?Copy !req
222. Okay, I'm just gonna tell you,
when I was growing up, I always wantedCopy !req
223. to take pumpkin lessons.Copy !req
224. 'Cause I feel like every child
deserves to pumpkin.Copy !req
225. Okay, everybody!Copy !req
226. If you are ready to do this thing,Copy !req
227. can I get a "hell yeah"?Copy !req
228. Hell yeah!Copy !req
229. Thank you all for being here today to
celebrate our formal adoption of Baby B,Copy !req
230. A.K.A. the Fuss Master,Copy !req
231. A.K.A. Sir Purrs-A-Lot,Copy !req
232. the one and only...Copy !req
233. Beef!Copy !req
234. Aw, he looks stunning.Copy !req
235. You know, it's not too late
for us to do a formal ceremony.Copy !req
236. Seth, we've been over this!Copy !req
237. I am ashamed of you!Copy !req
238. I know.Copy !req
239. Do you, Beef, take Joanna and I
as your hu...Copy !req
240. human life partners?Copy !req
241. I do.Copy !req
242. And do you, Joanna and Mel,Copy !req
243. take me to be your house cat?Copy !req
244. - We do.
- No doubt.Copy !req
245. we will begin the paperwork!Copy !req
246. Section one,Copy !req
247. - Massachusetts state law defines...
- Franny!Copy !req
248. I'll be right back.Copy !req
249. Don't you go anywhere.Copy !req
250. - Excuse me.
- ... or humans desiringCopy !req
251. to house a mammal...Copy !req
252. You know what? I think it's time
to have a little chitchat with Chai.Copy !req
253. Come on, give me a hug before you go.Copy !req
254. No. I'm scheming. Let me scheme.Copy !req
255. flies, praying mantis, worms...Copy !req
256. - Aah!
- Chai. Oh, good, I'm gladCopy !req
257. I was able to catch you, um,Copy !req
258. away from Franny.Copy !req
259. Franny? I love Franny.Copy !req
260. She's great. You want me to introduce you?Copy !req
261. Yeah, I-I know Franny.Copy !req
262. I actually knew her before you did.Copy !req
263. But, uh...Copy !req
264. you're a good girl, right, Chai?Copy !req
265. Actually, I've been told
that I'm the best good girl.Copy !req
266. And you probably want to live with,
like, a... nice lady?Copy !req
267. A nice lady who treats me nice, yeah.Copy !req
268. And I'll be a good girl for them, yeah.Copy !req
269. Well...Copy !req
270. there's no easy way to say this,
but Franny...Copy !req
271. Well, Franny's a mean lady. She's bad.Copy !req
272. - What does that mean?
- What do you mean, what does that mean?Copy !req
273. Like, how is she bad?Copy !req
274. Yelling? Spray bottle?Copy !req
275. Leaving you in the car
with the windows up?Copy !req
276. Acting like she threw the ball
but she didn't?Copy !req
277. - Dogfighting!
- What?Copy !req
278. Yes! She runs a dogfighting ringCopy !req
279. out of the basement of the bar
where she works!Copy !req
280. And she loves it!Copy !req
281. She loves a bloody dog!Copy !req
282. No! She seemed so nice.Copy !req
283. I know. But I've seen it—
I've seen it too many times, okay?Copy !req
284. She finds a nice dog like you
and then, boom, she's got 'em.Copy !req
285. Ripping out throats,
fucking each other up.Copy !req
286. Oh, no! I can't— I can't rip out throats.Copy !req
287. I have a soft belly.Copy !req
288. Oh, God! Why can't I meet anyone normal?Copy !req
289. That's right, Chai.
Run along like the good girl you are.Copy !req
290. Leave Franny to the bad boy.Copy !req
291. Sneaky Kevin.Copy !req
292. Ah, good evening, fellas!Copy !req
293. Look at all these strapping bachelors.Copy !req
294. Uncle Sam could use a few of these boys.Copy !req
295. - Uh-huh.
- Gosh, I should've retired here!Copy !req
296. I hate it.Copy !req
297. There are way too many selfish pricks.Copy !req
298. Oh!Copy !req
299. The Cock & Swallow.Copy !req
300. Seems like a great
bird-themed watering holeCopy !req
301. for two red-blooded American dogs
to get a drink.Copy !req
302. I'm not a do— Oh, fuck it.Copy !req
303. I do need a drink.Copy !req
304. Ooh! Maybe I can getCopy !req
305. a bird-watchers discount.Copy !req
306. My son's in the Audubon Society.Copy !req
307. A lot of talk about your son today.Copy !req
308. He won't let me meet my grandchildren.Copy !req
309. Congratulations.Copy !req
310. I have never cried
during paperwork before.Copy !req
311. And how did you two know each other again?Copy !req
312. Oh. Mel and I both worked at that heritage
denim and succulent shop in Greenpoint.Copy !req
313. Yeah, it was the spot for bi millennial
women and their boyfriends.Copy !req
314. Uh-oh! We're sitting at the same table?Copy !req
315. This is crazy.Copy !req
316. Wait, your full name is
Francesca Rigatoni?Copy !req
317. Like the pasta?Copy !req
318. There's a pasta called rigatoni?Copy !req
319. Okay, you two,
we'll see you on the dance floor.Copy !req
320. But I am gonna need to tax you a couple
of "let's fucking go's before we go.Copy !req
321. - Let's fucking go!
- Let's fucking go?Copy !req
322. Let's fucking go!Copy !req
323. Okay, so, good news—Copy !req
324. I think that annoying collie is gone.Copy !req
325. Oh, Chai? You found her annoying?Copy !req
326. Huh. She seemed okay to me.Copy !req
327. A little pushy, but, uh...Copy !req
328. Just do me a favor—
do not leave my side again.Copy !req
329. You got it. You're the rigatoni,Copy !req
330. I'm the marinara sauce.Copy !req
331. - What's that?
- You got to be kidding me.Copy !req
332. Ooh, is it like arrabbiata sauce?Copy !req
333. You know that one?Copy !req
334. Dude. Look.Copy !req
335. It's the pumpkin teacher.Copy !req
336. Ugh, why are his fingers so long?Copy !req
337. And is he, like,Copy !req
338. married to the pumpkin?Copy !req
339. There's a ring on the stem.Copy !req
340. Oh, okay, now he's kissing it.Copy !req
341. He really loves that pumpkin.Copy !req
342. Okay, okay, okay,Copy !req
343. uh, who's your favorite singer?Copy !req
344. One, two, three.Copy !req
345. Pink!Copy !req
346. Oh, oh! What's your favorite color?Copy !req
347. One, two, three.Copy !req
348. Blood!Copy !req
349. Um, here's an interesting one.Copy !req
350. Who do you want to marry?Copy !req
351. One, two, three.Copy !req
352. - Santa!
- You.Copy !req
353. You want to marry me?Copy !req
354. Yes.Copy !req
355. And I want to kiss you, too.Copy !req
356. I'd like that very much.Copy !req
357. Mwah.Copy !req
358. - Wow.
- That felt so natural.Copy !req
359. And socially acceptable.Copy !req
360. Aw!Copy !req
361. My mom used to sing this song to me.Copy !req
362. Mine, too!Copy !req
363. Let's dance!Copy !req
364. Oh, my sweet Judy.Copy !req
365. Throwing ass on your biological sibling.Copy !req
366. You are crazy for that one.Copy !req
367. Ooh.Copy !req
368. How did I get up here?Copy !req
369. Thank you, Peaches.Copy !req
370. Keep 'em coming.Copy !req
371. I want to get, like,
late '90s Golden Globes drunk.Copy !req
372. These boys, they're so funny
with their pranks.Copy !req
373. In the bathroom, I saw one guy
peeing into another guy's mouth!Copy !req
374. You're not gonna laugh at that?Copy !req
375. What's going on with you today?Copy !req
376. I don't know.Copy !req
377. Seeing Beef all dressed up
with those stupid people made me jealous.Copy !req
378. Of what? Him having people?Copy !req
379. You hate people!Copy !req
380. I didn't always hate them.Copy !req
381. When I was a kitten, a-a man named Michael
gave me my first real home.Copy !req
382. Michael taught me to love music and artCopy !req
383. and to seek out authenticity in the world.Copy !req
384. We did everything together—Copy !req
385. Sunday matinees at the community theater,Copy !req
386. weekly salons at our house.Copy !req
387. It was perfect until...Copy !req
388. - He died?
- No.Copy !req
389. He fell in love with a woman.Copy !req
390. A woman wildly allergic to cats.Copy !req
391. So you're telling me this gay guyCopy !req
392. married a-a woman?Copy !req
393. No! I'm saying I ended up
with the one straight man in Provincetown.Copy !req
394. And he chose his life with
this allergic woman over his life with me.Copy !req
395. So I haven't spoken to him since.Copy !req
396. Sorry if I've been morose.Copy !req
397. I've been terrified
we'd run into him all day.Copy !req
398. Well, sounds to me
like you're still torn up on the inside.Copy !req
399. Like Chris Kyle, the American Sniper.Copy !req
400. Okay...Copy !req
401. Now, if you're Chris Kyle,
there's an easy fix—Copy !req
402. just go back into the desert,
shoot more people in the head.Copy !req
403. Kill shot. Blammo. Game over.Copy !req
404. Land the plane, Bear.Copy !req
405. But if you want to heal,Copy !req
406. there's only one thing you can do.Copy !req
407. I guess
I should stop running from this.Copy !req
408. Don't worry, pal.
I'll be right there with you.Copy !req
409. Cock & Swallow brothers for life!Copy !req
410. Seth! What the fuck is wrong
with you, you little mope-a-dope?Copy !req
411. You're missing out on this good cheese.Copy !req
412. - I think I'll pass.
- Oh, why?Copy !req
413. Because there's a little dog spit
mixed in with the cheese?Copy !req
414. No. I just wouldn't want to do anything
to make you more embarrassed of me!Copy !req
415. Ugh. He does this at every one
of these goddamn things.Copy !req
416. How did you get so good at the worm?Copy !req
417. I got hit by a bus when I was six.Copy !req
418. Made my spine way more flexible
than it should be.Copy !req
419. Oh. That's... sad?Copy !req
420. Oh, no way, dude!Copy !req
421. The worm is my super power.Copy !req
422. - Franny!
- Chai!Copy !req
423. Oh, man. What are you, uh...
what are you doing here?Copy !req
424. I'm talking to Franny.Copy !req
425. Look, I'm just gonna lay it out
on the line here.Copy !req
426. I was holding out for a nice lady,Copy !req
427. but I'm not getting any younger.Copy !req
428. And so if this is what it takes
to be adopted,Copy !req
429. I am ready to be a killing machine.Copy !req
430. What are you talking about?Copy !req
431. Kevin told me about your situation.Copy !req
432. - Oh, boy.
- And I am willingCopy !req
433. to fight other dogs to the deathCopy !req
434. in exchange for a home with you.Copy !req
435. - What?
- Chai, baby,Copy !req
436. you've had one too many Greenie martinis,
I think.Copy !req
437. Let me take you to the toilet.
We'll get you some water—Copy !req
438. You don't think I have what it takes?Copy !req
439. - Hey!
- You want me to ripCopy !req
440. this little bitch's throat out right now?Copy !req
441. - I'll do it!
- No! Please! Stop!Copy !req
442. What did you say to this dog?Copy !req
443. I say so many things.Copy !req
444. I did that in self-defense!Copy !req
445. I will cover this place in your blood!Copy !req
446. Ladies, ladies! Please!Copy !req
447. - Franny! Please!
- Stop. Stop it.Copy !req
448. - Franny, please, let me live with you.
- Come on.Copy !req
449. Let me kill for you.Copy !req
450. I'm a good girl!Copy !req
451. I mean, they're descended from wolves.Copy !req
452. That's a wolf they let into this party.Copy !req
453. What do I want?
What do I want?Copy !req
454. What— Oh, there we go.Copy !req
455. Ooh.Copy !req
456. Cupcake!Copy !req
457. I have a huge secret to tell you!Copy !req
458. Jesus, don't run up on me like that.Copy !req
459. I'm sorry. But I'm in love.Copy !req
460. With Clem!Copy !req
461. I've only been in love once before,Copy !req
462. but that was with a cloud,Copy !req
463. and he moved to Europe.Copy !req
464. This time it's for real!Copy !req
465. Judy, Clem is your brother.Copy !req
466. What?Copy !req
467. Yeah. Seth told me.Copy !req
468. And I would've told you sooner,Copy !req
469. but then I started to ship it.Copy !req
470. Anyway, I love you, Judes.Copy !req
471. Even if you fool around with your brother.Copy !req
472. This is just my luck.Copy !req
473. Because he's the total package.Copy !req
474. So, are we gonna talk
about the elephant in the room?Copy !req
475. You mean the pumpkin teacher
having full intercourseCopy !req
476. with his pumpkin wife in the parking lot?Copy !req
477. No.Copy !req
478. I guess I'm wondering why you told ChaiCopy !req
479. that my side hustle
was operating a dogfighting ring?Copy !req
480. Uh, I don't know. I think that my animal
instincts kicked in or something.Copy !req
481. I wanted to hang out with you tonight,Copy !req
482. and she was all up in your business,
so I guess I started...Copy !req
483. resource guarding?Copy !req
484. You see me as a resource.Copy !req
485. I see your friendship as a resource, yes.Copy !req
486. Male cats are very territorial.Copy !req
487. That's why I went Sneaky Kevin.Copy !req
488. Ooh. I'm gonna have to keep
my eye on you, Sneaky Kevin.Copy !req
489. Oh, here we go!Copy !req
490. It's "Meow Mix"!Copy !req
491. - This is our "Hey Ya!"
- W-Wait,Copy !req
492. what do cats think of "Hey Ya!"?Copy !req
493. - "Hey Ya!" is our "Mr. Brightside."
- Whoo!Copy !req
494. Hey.Copy !req
495. Would you want to go have a beer
down on the beach after this?Copy !req
496. Yes! Please!Copy !req
497. Seth, I've been thinking.Copy !req
498. If it's that important for youCopy !req
499. to stand up in front
of all your friends and familyCopy !req
500. and admit that we sleep in the same bed,Copy !req
501. then I guess we should probably start
planning an adoption ceremony.Copy !req
502. Oh, my God. I-Is it really happening?Copy !req
503. I mean,Copy !req
504. I do want to go to Williams SonomaCopy !req
505. and point one of those little guns
at all the stuff I want.Copy !req
506. Oh, Brandi,
our ceremony will be so expensive!Copy !req
507. I'll max out my Discover card!Copy !req
508. Goddamn right you will!Copy !req
509. 'Cause we are getting Imagine Dragons.Copy !req
510. And they will not be wearing no shirts.Copy !req
511. Ooh! Their nipples
all hanging out and shit.Copy !req
512. Brandi, may I have this dance?Copy !req
513. Ugh, fine.Copy !req
514. But you better leave room
for the Holy Ghost.Copy !req
515. Ooh! Whee!Copy !req
516. There you are.
I've been looking all over for you.Copy !req
517. Clem, I have to tell you something.Copy !req
518. Actually, I have something
to tell you, too.Copy !req
519. Okay, then let's do it at the same time.Copy !req
520. One, two, three.Copy !req
521. - I'm gay.
- I'm your sister.Copy !req
522. So we'll have to sneak around.Copy !req
523. Wait, what?Copy !req
524. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
525. I knew I knew you from somewhere.Copy !req
526. Mom's uterus.Copy !req
527. My hot new boyfriend is gay?Copy !req
528. Yes. Uh, I've had these feelings
for a while, but I just wasn't sure.Copy !req
529. But when I felt nothing
after kissing a smoke show like you,Copy !req
530. - it became clear.
- Aw!Copy !req
531. If only I had a bi brother.Copy !req
532. I'm sorry for breaking your heart.Copy !req
533. It's okay.Copy !req
534. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
535. Mmm.Copy !req
536. Hey.Copy !req
537. Can brothers and sisters
still bump and grind?Copy !req
538. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
539. So, are you a top or a bottom?Copy !req
540. That's him, huh?Copy !req
541. Yeah.Copy !req
542. You ready?Copy !req
543. Ready as I'll ever be.Copy !req
544. You got this, brother.Copy !req
545. Fuck you, Michael.Copy !req
546. Way to go!Copy !req
547. It was a wet one, too!Copy !req
548. Yeah, those tuna tartare tater tots
did not agree with me.Copy !req
549. And then I had 11 vodka sodas.Copy !req
550. You know, the more I think about it,Copy !req
551. those two jokesters
drinking each other's pee,Copy !req
552. they might've been a little gay.Copy !req
553. Bear, how many gay people do you know?Copy !req
554. Ah, okay.Copy !req
555. Well, uh, my son. That's one.Copy !req
556. Billy Joel. That's two.Copy !req
557. You think Billy Joel is gay?Copy !req
558. Any man who sings
a song about wine is gay!Copy !req
559. Wow.Copy !req
560. You can really taste the mango
on the burp.Copy !req
561. They put mango in, like, every beer now.Copy !req
562. You ready to bounce?Copy !req
563. Not really. Brandi booked us at a hostel
in the basement of a Little Caesars, so...Copy !req
564. I don't like to think
about space.Copy !req
565. What goes on up there
is none of my business.Copy !req
566. - But the stars are pretty.
- Yeah.Copy !req
567. We never get to see
the constellations out in Queens.Copy !req
568. - Too much light pollution.
- Ooh, look!Copy !req
569. That one is my favorite.Copy !req
570. Oh, yeah. That's Orion, right?Copy !req
571. No, that's Josh.Copy !req
572. He's the god of keeping it real.Copy !req
573. Ah, right, Josh.Copy !req
574. And that little cluster of stars there
is his pager?Copy !req
575. Josh doesn't go anywhere
without his pager.Copy !req
576. He's a nurse practitioner.Copy !req
577. Uh, you cold?Copy !req
578. Yeah, kind of.Copy !req
579. Here. Hop up on my lapCopy !req
580. and I'll tell you about all the cool guys
up in the sky.Copy !req
581. I'm gonna take you up on that
because, for me,Copy !req
582. all this sand is like sitting
in a big toilet.Copy !req
583. That is how I feel about the subway.Copy !req
584. This is nice.Copy !req
585. You make me think
I might want a pet someday.Copy !req
586. Okay.Copy !req
587. What about that one?Copy !req
588. That's Optimus Prime.Copy !req
589. He is the leader of the Autobots.Copy !req
590. But he got canceled recently
for workplace harassment, so...Copy !req
591. Stars, they're just like us.Copy !req
592. Chirp.Copy !req