Keeping Up Appearances 2x4

Directed by Harold Snoad

Dinah Sheridan as The Hotel Guest • Christopher Mitchell as The Porter • Bernard Archard as The Hotel Guest • Peter Cellier as The Major • Sally Hughes as The Receptionist

The Major invites the Buckets for a golfing weekend at a luxury hotel. All is well until Onslow and Daisy turn up unexpectedly to collect Rose after she has spent a raunchy weekend away with a Mr Smith. Inevitably, when Hyacinth realises her family are there, she fears for her social standing. Adding to her dilemma is the amorous intentions of the Major.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. YOU SHOULD HAVE TURNED LEFT. - Richard: I DID TURN LEFT.

2. TOLD YOU TO TURN LEFT.

3. THAT'S WHY I TURNED LEFT. I'M NO FOOL.

4. IT'S EASIER TO BE LOST THAN DISOBEDIENT.

5. RICHARD.

6. ISN'T GOING TO BE

7. REBELLIOUS MANNER.

8. REBELLIOUS? IT'S HARDLY "MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY."

9. DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR.

10. AH...

11. YOU SEE.

12. I KNEW IT WAS LEFT.

13. FOR A MOMENT.

14. IT'S SO LONG SINCE I'VE PLAYED GOLF.

15. HMM?

16. I SAID IT'S SO LONG SINCE I'VE PLAYED GOLF.

17. I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET THE MAJOR DOWN.

18. IT'S VERY KIND OF THE MAJOR AND HIS WIFE

19. THEM FOR THE WEEKEND.

20. IT MEANS THAT WE'RE SOCIALLY UPWARDLY MOBILE.

21. HOW I PLAY GOLF.

22. HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PRACTICING?

23. I DON'T LIKE GOLF!

24. THAT'S VERY SELFISH.

25. LOOK, THERE'S THE MAJOR'S LITTLE TWO-SEATER.

26. ISN'T THERE SOMETHING

27. IN TWO-SEATERS?

28. I WOULDN'T CALL THE MAJOR ELDERLY.

29. HE'S OUR AGE. - THANK YOU, RICHARD.

30. I CAN SEE IT'S GOING TO BE A MEMORABLE WEEKEND.

31. IS WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.

32. DOWN, DEAR.

33. IF YOU-AH!

34. WITH THE LUGGAGE.

35. IT'S A PART OF A VERY EXPENSIVE MATCHING SET.

36. YES, MADAM.

37. OH, YES, I LIKE THE AMBIENCE.

38. IT'S MORE BARONIAL THAN HOTEL.

39. THE MAJOR'S WIFE AND I WILL BE QUITE HAPPY HERE.

40. GOOD MORNING. - Richard: MORNING.

41. RING THE BELL.

42. CAN I HELP YOU?

43. MR. AND MRS. RICHARD BOUQUET.

44. A RESERVATION.

45. AGAIN, PLEASE.

46. BOUQUET.

47. THAT'S SPELLED B-U-C-K-E-T.

48. OH, BUCKET!

49. OH, YES. WE HAVE A BUCKET.

50. "BOUQUET,"DEAR.

51. IN THE FORM, PLEASE.

52. WITH THE LUGGAGE.

53. WITH THE LUGGAGE.

54. IT'S PART OF A VERY EXPENSIVE MATCHING SET.

55. WHAT DOES SHE THINK IT IS, ALLIGATOR?

56. ALLIGATOR?

57. A MATCHING SET.

58. AND MRS. WILTON SMYTHE

59. THAT WE HAVE ARRIVED.

60. THE MAJOR AND MRS. SMYTHE? - YES. THEY'RE FRIENDS.

61. WE'RE HERE FOR A WEEKEND BREAK TOGETHER.

62. I'M AFRAID THE MAJOR IS HERE ALONE.

63. OH? - HE'S NOT TRAVELING WITH HIS WIFE.

64. THAT'S STRANGE.

65. I DO HOPE SHE'S NOT ILL, DEAR.

66. STILL, I'M SURE IF SHE IS

67. THEY'RE MEDICALLY VERY WELL COVERED.

68. THERE WE ARE, MADAM. - THANK YOU.

69. OH, YES. IT'S QUITE NICE.

70. I'LL PUT THE LUGGAGE OVER THERE, SIR.

71. FINE, FINE.

72. AS WE NEARED THE HOTEL.

73. ANYTHING ELSE, SIR?

74. NO THANKS. - THERE'S YOUR KEY.

75. THANK YOU. - OOH, THANK YOU, SIR.

76. AND-

77. A PLEASANT STAY.

78. POOR MAJOR.

79. ALL ALONE.

80. TO DO WHILE WE'RE GOLFING?

81. BARBARA CARTLAND...

82. TO WIPE THESE WINDOWS.

83. AND DON'T FORGET THE KEY, WILL YOU, DEAR? OH.

84. laughing )

85. SNAP THAT SUSPENDER!

86. KEEP JOKING.

87. DOESN'T SOUND AS IF HE'S HERE FOR THE GOLF EITHER.

88. RICHARD...

89. LOOK IN THE REGISTER, SEE WHO'S IN ROOM 210.

90. BUT WE MUSTN'T PRY.

91. LOOK IF DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE?

92. GO ON.

93. SUPPOSE SOMEBODY COMES, I'LL FEEL LIKE SHULTZ THE MASTER SPY.

94. FOR THE MAJOR'S ROOM.

95. IF, WHILE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE MAJOR'S ROOM,

96. WHO IS IN ROOM 210-

97. NOW LET'S SEE!

98. THIS WEEKEND?

99. ONE OPTION?

100. AND I'LL BE THE WIDOW.

101. NOW DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR.

102. YOU'LL ENJOY PLAYING WITH THE MAJOR.

103. I MUST REMEMBER THAT.

104. WELL, WHO'S IN ROOM 210?

105. PARDON? - MR. AND MRS. SMITH.

106. NOW DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE!

107. OH, THIS IS BETTER.

108. MORE OUR SORT.

109. HOW CAN YOU TELL?

110. THEY'RE READING FULL-SIZED NEWSPAPERS.

111. WITH ANYBODY WHO READS THE TABLOIDS.

112. NOW, YOU RUN ALONG AND FIND THE MAJOR.

113. ALL RIGHT HERE.

114. RIGHT.

115. GOOD MORNING. - GOOD MORNING.

116. GOOD MORNING.

117. MORNING. - MORNING.

118. GOOD MORNING.

119. LOVELY DAY.

120. HAVE BEEN BACK BY NOW.

121. HE'S GONE OFF TO FETCH HIS FRIEND, THE MAJOR.

122. THEY'RE GOLFING TOGETHER,

123. AND THE MAJOR.

124. LOCAL AUTHORITIES.

125. THAT OUR SON, SHERIDAN,

126. AT UNIVERSITY.

127. HAVE YOU BEEN HERE LONG?

128. SINCE YESTERDAY. - OOH, A LONG WEEKEND.

129. THAT'S NICE. - IT WOULD'VE BEEN,

130. FROM ROOM 210.

131. OH MY GOODNESS, YES.

132. ROOM 210.

133. WE PASSED IT JUST NOW.

134. IT'S NOT WHAT ONE EXPECTS FROM A FOUR-STAR HOTEL.

135. I SHALL COMPLAIN.

136. THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

137. WILL BE LEAVING THIS MORNING.

138. WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO.

139. LIKE MINE.

140. MR. AND MRS. SMITH INDEED.

141. THESE PEOPLE COME FROM.

142. COME ON!

143. WILL YOU STOP IT?

144. I'VE RARELY KNOWN ANYONE QUITE AS MISCHIEVOUS AS YOU.

145. NOW THAT'S MY SHERIDAN AT 14

146. WITH HIS MUSIC DIPLOMA.

147. WE LIVED IN THEN.

148. OF COURSE WE'VE MOVED

149. IN A VERY EXCLUSIVE AREA.

150. RICHARD LOVES TO GARDEN.

151. HE LOVES TO GARDEN WHEN HE'S NOT GOLFING WITH THE MAJOR.

152. WITH MAJORS, OF COURSE.

153. AFTER ALL, WE'RE DEMOCRATIC TO THE CORE.

154. PREFERS ONE'S OWN KIND.

155. OH!

156. HERE'S MY SHERIDAN SHRIMPING WITH HIS DADDY IN 1979.

157. GOOD MORNING, SIR.

158. AH, THERE YOU ARE, BUCKET!

159. ACTUALLY, MAJOR, IT'S PRONOUNCED-

160. WHAT? - NOTHING, NOTHING.

161. LOOK, ABOUT THE GOLF. - YES, THE GOLF.

162. I'M AFRAID I CAN'T MAKE IT.

163. I'VE GOT THIS DAMNED DICKEY LEG.

164. THERE'S STILL SOME POXY FOREIGN LEAD IN IT,

165. OCCASIONALLY.

166. DAMNED THING, YOU KNOW.

167. NOW, ABOUT THIS GOLF.

168. I'VE ARRANGED FOR YOU TO HAVE A ROUND WITH PORKY HOOTEN.

169. NICE FELLOW. HE'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU AT THE CLUBHOUSE.

170. YOU'VE GOT THE NAME? - UH, PORKY HOOTEN?

171. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'LL LIKE OLD PORKY.

172. HIS SCORING, THAT'S ALL.

173. I'M REALLY NOT BOTHERED ABOUT THE GOLF.

174. NOT BOTHERED? DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD,

175. NOT AROUND HERE. YOU'LL ENJOY IT WITH PORKY.

176. WITH YOU.

177. A HIP FLASK. OFF YOU GO NOW!

178. PORKY'S WAITING - I HAVEN'T GOT A HIP FLASK.

179. BAG, OLD BOY. CHOP CHOP!

180. GOLF?

181. YOUR ROSE DIDN'T TAKE ANY CLUBS.

182. I DON'T THINK SHE'D NEED ANY CLUBS.

183. LOOKS A BIT PRICEY.

184. SHE'S NOT PAYING, IS SHE?

185. DO YOU THINK WE'LL HAVE TIME FOR A BEVY BEFORE WE TAKE HER HOME?

186. I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

187. IT'S A HOTEL.

188. IT SAYS, "OPEN TO NONRESIDENTS."

189. THAT I'M DRIVING.

190. IS GONNA DRIVE.

191. I COULD HAVE A FEW.

192. YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO PUT ON A JACKET.

193. RUBBISH.

194. WHAT GOLFERS WEAR?

195. IT'S ANYTHING GOES IN GOLFING WEAR.

196. GOOD MORNING.

197. AH, MRS. BUCKET-

198. MRS. BOUQUET, CAN I HELP YOU?

199. TO BE REPLACED, PLEASE. - IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?

200. HARD AND NAUGHTY, YOU SEE.

201. OF COARSER SKIN,

202. I'D PROBABLY LOSE AN ENTIRE LAYER OF MY EPIDERMIS.

203. COULD FIND ME SOMETHING SOFTER.

204. CERTAINLY, MADAM. - THIS IS NOT JUST A WHIM.

205. OF MY BATHROOM LINEN.

206. I'M SURE YOU HAVE, MADAM.

207. AT THE QUALITY OF MY BATHROOM LINEN.

208. I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU, MRS.-

209. GOOD.

210. AND IF AT THE SAME TIME,

211. TO WIPE THE WINDOW IN MY ROOM?

212. IT LOOKS AS THOUGH SOMETHING'S BEEN SQUASHED ON IT.

213. WE'LL SEE TO THAT, MRS. BOUQUET.

214. THANK YOU, DEAR. I DO LIKE THINGS TO BE JUST SO.

215. IT'S NOT THAT I'M FUSSY, OF COURSE.

216. HER TO PLACES LIKE THIS?

217. IF I HADN'T STAYED

218. TO PLACES LIKE THIS.

219. NO.

220. THAN JUST BEING UNFAITHFUL.

221. IT'S THE KIND OF PLACE THAT MAKES YOU THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD A SHAVE.

222. I THINK YOU SHOULD.

223. HAVE HAD A SHAVE.

224. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE THING IS TO ACT NATURAL.

225. BE YOURSELF, ALWAYS BE YOURSELF.

226. IF PEOPLE CAN'T PENETRATE

227. THEY'RE NEVER GONNA APPRECIATE YOUR FUNDAMENTAL QUALITIES ANYWAY.

228. WHAT FUNDAMENTAL QUALITIES?

229. I'M CALM IN A CRISIS.

230. THAT'S A FUNDAMENTAL QUALITY.

231. ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BONE IDLE TO RUSH ABOUT IN A PANIC.

232. WELL, ARE WE GOING IN, OR NOT?

233. MY CIGGY.

234. OH, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU.

235. OF A SENSITIVE NATURE?

236. OF THE BATHROOM LINEN HERE?

237. SOFTER TOWELS FOR YOU?

238. ACTUALLY, WE WERE JUST GOING FOR A WALK AROUND THE GARDEN.

239. YES, THAT'S RIGHT. THE GARDEN.

240. AROUND THE GROUNDS.

241. SO, PERHAPS WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.

242. WHAT A SHAME, JUST AS WE WERE BEGINNING TO ENJOY OURSELVES.

243. WAIT A MINUTE.

244. WHY DON'T I COME WITH YOU?

245. NO.

246. THERE'S NO NEED TO INTERRUPT YOUR PLANS.

247. AROUND THE GROUNDS WITH YOU.

248. REALLY? - OH YES.

249. TO ME, HORTICULTURE AT ITS HIGHEST IS LIKE MUSIC,

250. OF COURSE.

251. FROM OUR BEDROOM WINDOW.

252. THE POINTS OF INTEREST.

253. ALL OF THEM? WOULDN'T JUST A FEW-

254. I WOULDN'T DREAM OF MISSING A SINGLE ONE.

255. RATHER TIRING.

256. OH, IN THE APPRECIATION OF NATURE YOU'LL FIND ME TIRELESS.

257. IT'S A WELL-KNOWN FACT, OF COURSE,

258. INDICATIVE OF ONE'S SOCIAL STANDING,

259. AS I AM SURE YOU'LL AGREE.

260. OF COURSE.

261. I'LL MAKE SOME FOR YOU, IF YOU LIKE?

262. CHANGE THE TOWELS NOW, WHILE THERE'S NO ONE IN THE ROOM.

263. TO SQUAWK ABOUT.

264. OH, YOU'VE NOT SEE HER YET?

265. LUCKY YOU.

266. OH, MRS. BOUQUET, I'VE JUST ASKED...

267. ROSE! - HYACINTH!

268. ROSE! WE MUST SPEAK, ROSE!

269. WHAT DO YOU WANT? - AH, THE DELECTABLE MRS. BUCKET!

270. NOTHING!

271. OH, MAJOR. HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.

272. I SAY,

273. LIVELY COUPLE IN THERE, JUDGING BY THE NOISES-OFF.

274. DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE? - HARDLY.

275. THOUGHT NOT. - EXCUSE ME.

276. MIND YOURSELF, OLD CHAP. YOU'LL TRIP SOMEBODY UP.

277. GET IN!

278. GOLFING, MAJOR.

279. WITH THE JOLLY OLD KNEE.

280. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

281. I DON'T WISH TO DISCUSS THAT WITH A PERFECT STRANGER.

282. RIFF-RAFF.

283. RICHARD!

284. IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT, ARE WE, OLD CHAP?

285. WITH THAT GIRL?

286. I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WITH HER.

287. I'M JUST ABOUT TO HAVE A BATH BEFORE CHANGING,

288. AND I SURPRISED HER. - I'M NOT SURPRISED.

289. SCARED HER WITLESS, OLD BOY.

290. YOUR GOOD LADY FOR A DRINK.

291. YES, IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, MAJOR.

292. I COULD DO WITH A DRINK.

293. BUT NOT DOWNSTAIRS, THERE ARE TOO MANY STRANGE PEOPLE ABOUT.

294. I KNOW JUST THE PLACE.

295. I'LL MEET YOU IN THE CAR PARK IN 10 MINUTES.

296. YES. I'LL TRY.

297. RICHARD.

298. ONSLOW IS HERE.

299. WHY IS ONSLOW HERE? - BECAUSE ROSE IS HERE.

300. HE'S COME TO TAKE HER HOME. - HAS ROSE BEEN STAYING HERE?

301. IN ROOM 210.

302. FROM THE MAJOR.

303. THEY'LL ONLY MAKE FUN OF HIS LEG.

304. PERSONALLY, I'D RATHER BE WITH ONSLOW THAN GOING GOLFING.

305. THE MAJOR'S BOOKED ME WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER.

306. PORKY HOOTEN.

307. PORKY HOOTEN?

308. OH, THAT'S VERY PUBLIC SCHOOL.

309. PORKY HOOTEN.

310. STRIKING TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION.

311. I WAS GOING TO WEAR— I'LL ADVISE YOU WHAT TO WEAR.

312. CLOSELY WITH THE ARISTOCRACY.

313. HE MAY EVEN HAVE A TITLE.

314. THEY DO, YOU KNOW, WITH NAMES LIKE PORKY HOOTEN.

315. CAN'T BEAR IS TIMIDITY.

316. EVERY EFFORT, RICHARD,

317. WITH YOUR PERSONALITY.

318. OH, THERE SHE IS,

319. THE MINX.

320. COMING, MAJOR.

321. GOD, SHE'S ATTRACTIVE IN A WEIRD SORT OF WAY.

322. WHAT'S OUR HYACINTH DOING HERE?

323. I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE.

324. ALL I KNOW, IS THAT I DAREN'T BRING MY FRIEND

325. SHE'S LURKING ABOUT.

326. SHE'S LIABLE TO CAUSE A SCENE.

327. THANK YOU. WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON ROOM 210?

328. VERY GOOD, MADAM.

329. WHAT'S THESE?

330. JUST A FEW BISCUITS, SIR.

331. I'VE GOT A LONG DRIVE. WHAT ABOUT A BACON BUTTIE?

332. I'M AFRAID

333. IT'S JUST COFFEE AND BISCUITS, SIR.

334. OH, CHUFF ME.

335. LIVING ON ALL WEEKEND?

336. DON'T ASK.

337. I WONDER IF IT'S SAFE TO BRING MY FRIEND DOWNSTAIRS.

338. INTO THESE BISCUITS?

339. ALL THESE FIVE LITTLE BISCUITS?

340. OH, NICE.

341. READY FOR A LITTLE SPIN?

342. ANYWHERE, MAJOR. JUST TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE.

343. OH!

344. ALONE AT LAST.

345. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAJOR? - CAN'T YOU TELL?

346. NOW, MAJOR-

347. HERE AND NOW, IF YOU'D LIKE.

348. I MUST BE GETTING BACK.

349. OH!

350. LISTEN! I BELIEVE I HEAR A LINNET.

351. GOD, YOU KNOW JUST HOW TO INFLAME A CHAP.

352. NO. UN-UN-UN...

353. UN-UNHAND ME.

354. I'M A MEMBER OF THE CHORAL SOCIETY.

355. MATURE, MATRONLY LADIES

356. HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY PABULUM.

357. OOH!

358. EVEN AS A YOUNG MAN, MY

359. BY THE GOVERNOR'S WIFE.

360. SHE WAS BUILT TO LAST, BUT I LOVED HER.

361. OO-OOH!

362. REALLY, YOU MUST STOP, MAJOR.

363. HE'D BE APPALLED.

364. OO-OOH!

365. OF THE GOVERNOR'S WIFE.

366. DAMN IT. I'VE SCARED HER, THE LITTLE FLOWER.

367. I LOVE YOU, MRS. BUCKET!

368. IT'S "BOUQUET"!

369. COME BACK!

370. OW!

371. WAS READY.

372. SHE'S JUST SAYING GOODBYE.

373. I HOPE IT'S NOT ONE OF HER LONG GOODBYES.

374. IF IT'S ONE OF YOUR ROSE'S

375. WE'LL BE HERE ALL AFTERNOON.

376. USED TO HAVE LONG GOODBYES,

377. IN GARIBALDI STREET.

378. YOU REMEMBER! - OF COURSE I REMEMBER.

379. WE MISSED THE FIZZING BUS, DIDN'T WE?

380. WHAT THE HECK?

381. WHAT'S HAPPENED TO OUR HYACINTH?

382. AT A ROUGH GUESS, I'D SAY SHE'D BEEN MAULED BY A BEAR.

383. IT'S NOT OFTEN

384. LIKE SHE'S BEEN MAULED BY A BEAR.

385. THAT'S MORE LIKE ROSE.

386. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

387. BEAUTIFUL GROUNDS.

388. A LITTLE OVERGROWN IN PLACES.

389. PBBBBB.

390. WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?

391. TYPICAL.

392. YOUR BEST AT EVERY MOMENT.

393. WE'RE GOING HOME, RICHARD.

394. NO GOLF?

395. NO.

396. THERE'S NO COMPASSION IN THE UNIVERSE.

397. DON'T BE SILLY, RICHARD.

398. BUT WHY ARE WE GOING HOME? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF?

399. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?

400. I'VE JUST BEEN MAKING A FEW HORTICULTURAL NOTES.

401. POOR OLD MAJOR. HE WAS WOUNDED.

402. OF SUEZ I THINK.

403. I'M NOT SURPRISED.

404. A GREAT COMPLIMENT.

405. OF THE GOVERNOR'S WIFE.