Joe Pera Talks With You 1x8

Directed by Marty Schousboe

In which Joe Pera and the school's band teacher, Sarah Conner, put together a musical based on the Alberta Rat Control Program that has kept the Canadian province rat-free since 1950.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I think that from time to time,

2. everyone wonders what it would be like

3. to be someone else, somewhere else.

4. Maybe I'm wrong, but I bet that even

5. Chinese tech billionaire Jack Ma

6. imagines what life would be like

7. if he were Indian tech billionaire Shiv Nadar.

8. My life is very good,

9. and I know it's wrong to ask for anything more,

10. but sometimes, I can't help but think

11. how wonderful it would be

12. to work for the Alberta, Canada, Rat Control Program —

13. the organization that has kept the province

14. completely rat-free.

15. I usually don't tell anyone, but since Sarah kept her promise

16. not to let me fall off the back of her snowmobile

17. and also shared her dream that she could play

18. French horn in the Cleveland Philharmonic —

19. she tried but failed three times —

20. I thought I owed her something honest and revealing.

21. Are you serious?

22. Yeah. It'd be such a great job

23. to drive each day

24. through the Medicine Hat countryside,

25. inspecting all the barns for rat's nests.No. No.

26. No. There are no rats in Alberta?

27. Yeah. I thought everybody knew that.

28. I thought rats were, like,

29. everywhere always.

30. No, to the contrary.

31. Since she seemed interested,

32. I told Sarah what I knew of the Rat Wars in Alberta, Canada,

33. over the next three hours,

34. from when the rats first arrived

35. on the Saskatchewan border in 1950,

36. and crop supervisor William Lobay

37. conceived a way to stop them,

38. through the creation of the official program

39. that continues to this day, and probably will forever,

40. because the rats will never stop trying to get in.

41. So you're telling us that there has been

42. an ongoing war in North America

43. for nearly 60 years

44. between Canadian humans and rats,

45. and nobody's even talking about it?

46. It's crazy, right?

47. We have to do the musical about this.

48. "Hello, Dolly."

49. Yeah. I'd see a show about rats.

50. It's only two months away, though.

51. You can do this.

52. We gottado this.

53. Yeah. We can do it.

54. I think we can...

55. Working at my usual pace,

56. it would take me 10 years to finish,

57. but when she said that, something happened.

58. I swelled with music,

59. and it began pouring outwards...

60. I think I got a start.

61. and kept pouring outwards.

62. What do you think? - Wow. Wow.

63. That was a problem, though.

64. In "The Civil War,"

65. Ken Burns covered four years of history

66. in 111/2 hours of show.

67. I needed to cover 68 years of history.

68. I almost left out a scene

69. about the public-education campaign in 1963.

70. Miss Conner, you gotta see this...

71. Did you know that early on,

72. many Alberta residents

73. didn't even know what rats looked like?

74. I'm serious.

75. I want you to go over to her,

76. put your arm her, and just give her a nice smile.

77. The news program

78. has certainly made rural residents...

79. All right, everybody. If you can hear me, clap once.

80. If you can hear me, clap once.

81. Great job. Okay. It's gonna be go time,

82. so let's get into our rendezvous points.

83. Okay, and Mr. Pera, any words?

84. Okay.

85. Uh...

86. Do it.

87. Okay.

88. Places, everyone.

89. The news program that aired on BBC in...

90. Hey, is everything all right?

91. Yeah, just working on my pre-show presentation.

92. What is that, like 60 pages?

93. I think the audience will enjoy

94. the show even more

95. if they get a little background information

96. on Canadian geography and rodent taxonomy and...

97. Do we get paid for tonight?

98. No.

99. Joe, I think you might tire them out.

100. Maybe you could just stick to fire exits

101. and, you know, "Thanks for coming" —

102. that kind of thing.

103. It's only 15 minutes.

104. No, Joe, just tell them

105. to turn off their cellphones.

106. I gotta go warm up the pit orchestra.

107. Good luck.

108. Okay.

109. Uh... hello.

110. Thanks for coming, and there's a fire exit.

111. I think that from time to time,

112. everyone wonders what it would be like

113. to be someone else somewhere else.

114. Maybe I'm wrong, but I bet even

115. Chinese tech billionaire Jack Ma —

116. Sarah?

117. This would have made so much more sense if they saw a map.

118. Why don't we use warfarin? It's safer than arsenic.

119. But how do we get them to eat it?

120. Three words —

121. coarsely rolled oats.

122. Good idea.

123. That was freaking cool, Joe.

124. Thank you, Gene.

125. That's a man on a mission.

126. Sarah?

127. Can I talk to you for a moment?

128. Oh, yeah. Sure.

129. Uh, it was a good show, huh?

130. I — I really didn't like how you cut me off.

131. I — I had a lot to say.

132. Come on, Joe.

133. T-The audience must have been so confused.

134. I'm sorry.

135. I — I do think that we have

136. a lot to be proud of tonight.

137. You know, the kids did great,

138. and the parents loved it.

139. You know, what more do you want, you know?

140. T-The fun is in the information and the details,

141. and they missed them.

142. Ah, that's a big deal.

143. It's a play about rats.

144. It's — I mean, nothing against you or the kids,

145. but it's not a big deal.

146. It's...

147. Especially when you think of

148. what's going on, you know?

149. There's rising water levels

150. and nuclear war,

151. and there's population displacement,

152. drones — ours and theirs.

153. You know, there's a...

154. What — what about, uh, solar flares, huh?

155. You ever think about that?

156. Or the Yellowstone Caldera — how about that?

157. Or what about the fact that at any moment,

158. there could be an attack on our electrical grid?

159. What are you gonna do then? Hmm?

160. What are you gonna do then?

161. Is that what -

162. Is that what you think about?

163. It'd be dumb not to.

164. You'd be dumb not to have a fortified basement

165. with canned goods and water

166. and a generator

167. and medical supplies

168. for barter and use 'cause it'd be —

169. What are you going to do

170. when you don't have any cash?

171. Ooooh! And I like you,

172. but I shouldn't because b-between your glasses

173. and the fact that you can't even

174. get through a kids' musical,

175. you have probably a less than 10% chance of surviving.

176. Every bone in my body

177. says that you won't last past the first wave

178. because you keep talking about wands and ping-pong

179. and sing-songs and ding-dongs!

180. Y-You like me?

181. I just wish you thought about real stuff.

182. I got you this knife for opening night.

183. I-It's certainly big.

184. Joe!

185. You and Sarah did really great.

186. I had no idea that rats

187. liked to eat scrambled eggs.

188. - I'm glad you liked it. - Yeah.

189. Nicole, you did great.

190. You really inspired me to go kill some rats.